Chapter 7 6. To Liu Qing

(about) Liu Qing: Hello! It has been a long time since I received your letter, and I should have replied to you earlier, but I always want to share my thoughts on your opinion, so I have been delaying. But now I feel that it may not be easy to express clearly in a letter.Give it a try.But this is by no means to say (hereinafter referred to as "Wu") how clever it is, just to say that it is a bit special and even unacceptable.The reason why it is difficult to accept is of course not all due to its specialness, but also because it does have many defects.But this shortcoming, I don't think simple deletions can make up for it, and deletions can only damage its specialness.And its "specialness" is exactly what I can't give up.Therefore, this article should let it retain its flaws and at the same time retain its specialness.You don't have to worry about publishing it overseas anymore.It doesn't expect to grab readers who give it a little time, something I've understood from the start.There are many people in the world, and each person's world is actually very small. The small worlds are only relevant when they are practical. Once they are practical, they may be difficult to understand.That's not necessarily a bad thing.Perhaps this just shows that the law needs to be obeyed together, while belief is an individual's freedom.

The second edition of "Service" is being printed in China, which has exceeded my expectations.Readers probably bought this book based on their impressions of my previous works. I guess many people will feel fooled.I'm really sorry about that, although I don't think it's my fault.I still believe that some works are mainly for selling, and others are more for writing - this is a statement, not including value appreciation.For example, the success or failure of love is not judged according to the implementation of marriage. In your letter, you said, "The interludes of C can be left out...there is no autobiographical taste, making it independent and more mature." ──Let’s start here.

In my opinion, people can completely regard it as an autobiographical novel.It's just that what it tells is mainly not what happened in the space, but what happened in the heart and soul.The difference between the two lies in that the former is a clear-cut characterization or description of events, while the latter is a mixed impression of time and space, events and even characters.And why the confusion is one way and not the other is evidence of this one mind and soul.Therefore, this novel can also be called "The Autobiography of the Heart and Soul".I believe what a sage (I forgot who) said, to the effect that no matter what a writer writes, he is actually writing about himself.So I said bluntly in "Wu":

I don't think I can make any full or plump characters, I don't think a writer can do that... so I give up trying to make fleshy other people.For, it is impossible for me to know any other who is complete or full, and it is impossible for me to follow any other from beginning to end.I just pass them.I passed them in my life's journey, looked at them from an angle, talked to them for a moment, approached them in a certain place, and then separated from them for a long time, either forgotten or remembered them.However, what is in the impression is not the real them, but the real feelings of me.

It is impossible for me to walk into their hearts and souls, it is they who pave the way for my heart.If... at any time of the year I often think of them, then I am trying to understand them, and then they are not really them, but my real thoughts. …There are many moments in my life when I think of them and imagine their continuation, when they are just my true hopes and mysteries.They become so many parts of my being, they make me and create me, I don't shape them. I cannot shape them, I am shaped by them.But I am not their sum, I am their confusion, they are confused to become - I.In me, they randomly connect, overlap, and confuse each other with no clear boundaries between them. ...... I am the empty wind, and I only capture my own existence when falling off and rolling up colorful leaves or impressions.

…often, even all the time, I am like a dying old man who is sober and finds that yesterday has vanished before his eyes, that many, many memories have escaped from the brain, but they have become impressions and they have all lodged in me mind.And those who live in the heart are no less than those who escape the brain, because there they weave and carve another boundless world, and that is my real world.Memory has faded, and impression is my living life. —— "Service" section 136 This is the reason why I think "Wu" can be regarded as an autobiographical novel, and the logic of this kind of autobiography.

Therefore, the chapter about C cannot be deleted.Because C is not a character I want to shape or describe, but should be regarded as part C of this heart and soul history. Other aspects of C are unimportant in this novel, only the close relationship between disability and love marked by C is indispensable to this history of soul and soul.And the other paths of C can also be filled in, associated with, or even confused with, Z, L, or even O, N, and other characters that appear in this book (that is, other parts of the soul)—this is allowed, but not certain.What is certain is only: these many parts are confused and overlapped to make up my whole mind.

If someone says it's a romance novel, I won't object.Disability (incompleteness) and love - especially as they are marked with a C so closely related, I even believe that this is an allegory of life, or the genetic code inherent in life, scattered in all hearts and situations their news.From the moment we are born, as soon as we feel the world, this group of the same kind, we feel more and more differences, isolation and fear, and at the same time give birth to the desire to love. ——This is what "I" and the painter Z have heard from "a beautiful house" and "a terrible child" since childhood.This news keeps spreading and evolving, until the diary of the poet L is pasted on the wall, and his future confusion in sex; until WR's childish words and exile; until O's waiting, and the reality of his dreams Disillusionment; until Dr. F's vision, deep pain and enshrining in the dream; until Z's uncle returns to Kuilin in his later years; Carrying that beauty and that terrible message.Therefore, all of these (whether more individual or more social) start and end with the initial code of life: disability (incompleteness) and love.

That is to say, everyone is born alone, which is the incompleteness of individualization.So we tend to be communicative, intimacy with others.And the other being the other means difference, isolation, fear and even harm, which is the incompleteness of socialization.So we look forward to the reunion even more - I need you, I need the other, and one soul needs to merge with another soul.And this proves love.We go to love because of incompleteness.We go to the other because of our incompleteness, but we find ourselves so incomplete from the eyes of the other.We try to make up for the incompleteness in order to win the favor or acceptance of others, but we also find that it is impossible to make up for it without resorting to others, because only in the eyes of others who are also praying can the inherent incompleteness be made up for.Gandhi said: There is no way to achieve peace, peace itself is a way.So it is with love, love can be seen as the source of peace, it is not something to be caught, it is a method, it is a relationship.Difficulty and longing for love are simply the reincarnation or repeat of the ages!It turns out that incompleteness and love are mutually causal.This message is carried in all the joys and fears of all souls.And this news is especially evident in C's situation (or in my C's thoughts).

I don't want to write about a disabled person's love experience, that stuff is pretty much overwritten.What I want to write is that it is the background of human incompleteness that makes love possible and necessary.It is the disability or depravity of sex that clearly distinguishes love from pure sexual desire, and makes it clear that love is greater than sexual desire.It is people's awareness of incompleteness that turns sexual refinement into a language of love, and turns sex into a ritual of mutual reunion of heart and soul.Only in this way, when the naked freedom lies not only in the body but also in the heart and soul, can the disabled or sunken sex be revived, find the source of passion, and be able to live in the place where God once gave it and then confines it. Return to Paradise in a non-technical but artistic way.For this reason, we should be grateful to God, and also to the devil, that is, to be grateful to love and to be grateful to incompleteness.When the disability came, and for many years afterwards, I never imagined that one day I would say this.And when I suddenly thought of this one day, I was really moved.

Some people say that parental love is more selfless and pure than sex, but I really disagree.The love of parents for their children is great, but that does not touch the essence of love, because there is no other in it.When parents love their children, they actually love a part of themselves.Only in the relationship with the other, that is, in the incompleteness of the self, does the true meaning of love appear.When one day, parents say "we are friends" to their children, I think it should be celebrated, because at that time parents have already regarded their children as equal others.But how interesting it is, if there is a sudden emphasis on "we are friends" between lovers, it is worth sad, which means that a wall that has been demolished is about to be erected again.Language is a magician.The re-building of this wall not only indicates the disappearance of love, but also means the end or deterioration of sexual relations.It can be seen that for humans, sex has never been just sex, it is a language given to man by God, an extreme way of expression.So one day the poet L will understand that this method cannot be abused, and the abused language will be beyond words.Yes, all existence depends on speech.This reminds me of the words of the great physicist Bohr: Physics does not tell us what the world is, but tells us what we can talk about the world. The part of "Words" that tires the readers the most is probably what you call "too scattered images".Characters are marked with letters, and characters or events often overlap and confuse each other, so that readers always have to worry about "who is who".I try to explain my intent. First—but not first: Names always have a fixed meaning or intention that stereotypes the reader.I really don't like the so-called personalities, which are always stereotyped and limit the richness of the heart. Second—but this is the most important: I have already said before that I don’t try to create a complete character. If there is a complete character in this novel, it can only be me, and other characters can be regarded as my thoughts a part of.This is what the paradox in the first chapter indicates, "I am part of my impression, and my whole impression is me".Even the role of "I" is only a part of my overall impression. Naturally, such as C, Z, L, F, O, N, WR... are all part of my life impression, their interweaving, overlapping, Confusion is what I am all about, where my soul is, and which makes the existence of this soul possible.This heart and soul, if it does not pass through many others, will always be "groundless".Only when I have a relationship with others—understanding, speaking, guessing, hoping, dreaming about them...my mentality is formed from it.I pass through them, just as I pass through cities, villages, wilderness, mountains and rivers, things are my physical years, and people are the annual rings of my soul.Just like at this moment, my mentality exists through this explanation to you. If this explanation (narration in novels, ramblings in life, or "stream of consciousness") leads to other people and things, these people and things will connect with each other in my heart (for example, A falls in love with B, or conversely, A hates B).But this kind of connection is not necessarily the actual situation of those people (for example, A and B have never met each other), it just happens in my heart, and it is just my definite thought.That's why I say I don't shape others, they shape me. ——This can be applied to Bohr's famous saying: literature does not tell us what others are, but tells us what we can talk about others.And what is the talk itself?It is my thoughts, my heart and soul, from which I truly exist.The "empty wind" wanders, connects, picks, brews, understands and even misunderstands among many others... Like the generation of a rumor, it forms an ever-changing: me.To put it too far, that is: the other is in me, and I am an intersection of many relationships, a knot in the web of fate. It is said in the "Business" that: Can "I" leave others and still be "I"? Can "I" leave this land, sky, sun, moon, and stars and still be "I"? Is it possible for "I" to leave ancient messages and future calls and still be "I"? How could "I" leave everything that made "I" and be alone with "I"... —— "Service" Section 228 If there is a dislocation of this kind of connection-this is very possible, such as connecting A's deeds to B's body, even knowing that this is not the case, but I feel that this is the only way to fill a certain emotional or thought gap in me, so In the reality of my heart and soul, there is an overlap or confusion between some characters (including me and others).I think this overlap or confusion should not be ignored, and should not be deleted on the grounds of the clarity of characters or story clues, because it is meaningful-this is the fictional value of the novel, it creates another Kind of real.For example, if you ask: why is it such confusion and not that confusion?The answer is: my mind dictates.So this confusion draws the inner world of "I", some kind of desire of "I", even secrets. (I sometimes think that once things in space are underestimated and attention is paid to the state of mind and soul, it is likely to be like the transformation of physics from the macroscopic to the microscopic. All determination depends on observation. At this time, people are like atoms, and they will show " "Wave-particle duality", whether it is a wave or a particle depends only on observation, and a person, whether he is like this or that depends only on my impression. Looking at him in isolation, he looks like a particle, but if he feels that he is different from the crowd The invisible and intangible mysterious connections between them, he is more like Sibo.──This is a bit off topic.) Speaking of secrets, what secrets?For example, I may also have A’s evil deeds (the same is true for good deeds), but because of some chance, A’s evil deeds have become a reality, and this potential possibility of mine has not been exposed—this is through my The understanding of A is confirmed.I believe that all actions that we really understand are actions that we can also do, otherwise how do we understand?How do we know that he is so and so, so it is logical to cast an evil deed?If we don't have this potential, we can't figure it out, we can say "that's really beyond my comprehension".Human nature is evil, not just the patent of some visible sinners. (For example, X did not beat anyone during the "Cultural Revolution", but can he boast of his innocence? Does it mean that people who have never committed violence will definitely not commit violence? The logic of traitors is also the same. You are not a traitor. But have you ever thought about what would happen if you were in his position? If we are all afraid that we are the traitor in the sunflower grove, it means that we all know her dire situation, which means that we may all be her .) There is such a logic not only in such extreme cases, but in any other thought and action.I could be Z, L, O, N, WR... So I write them like this, which is tantamount to writing my own possibilities.My heart and soul, my desires, are much larger than my actual deeds, and that larger part exists in my possibility and sees its opening in the reality of others - whether it is the flower of evil , or the flower of kindness.Although the possibilities are even contradictory, aren't we contradictory?Aren't our hearts, desires, and behaviors often contradictory?Both good and evil exist, there is you in me, and I in you, that is the truth of this heart and soul.Of course, a lot of what they did was not my actual experience, but it was my soul experience.If I conceived, understood, hoped, and dreamed in this way... And then together with Liu Qing and Mei Niang, I felt beauty and ugliness, joy and fear, happiness and pain, love or resentment, finiteness and infinity...why is this Can't it be called my experience?Are the callouses of the flesh more experience than the annual rings of the soul? (So, by the way: When someone says who the characters in "Wu" might be in real life, I think that's going too far.) I think that certain rules of fiction can be abandoned, especially when trying to see the truth of the soul and soul.That is to say, for the characters in "Wu", it is not necessary to figure out who is who (not to mention the characters outside "Wu").In fact, unless there are files and medical records, why bother to figure out who is who?And how can you figure out who is who?However, archives only record behavior, and medical records only record physiology, both of which are far away from the heart and soul, which may not be what literature should do.Or a reprint of Bohr's words: I can't tell you who I am, I can only tell you what I can think about me. If someone says "Wu" is not a novel, I think there is nothing wrong with it.If someone says that it is neither a novel, nor an essay, nor a poem, nor a reportage, I think there is nothing wrong with it.Because I really don't know what it is, I reluctantly call it a novel.Probably because Mr. Bohr's words can be extended in another way: I don't care what the novel is, I only care about what the novel can say.Besides, if it's not a novel, or anything else with a name, can't it try to be born? ——This is my view on the so-called "fiction", not specifically "Wu".The letter has been written as a bit of an argument, or an argument for something practical.Let me say one more thing: when I wrote this novel, I felt more like fulfilling a wish. The starting point was extremely personal. Although it was not so pure that it did not care about utilitarianism, it was enough to be published.As for how many readers it can grab, that is entirely its own business.You have just started your publishing career, so don't worry too much about it. Don't do anything that won't make you money, or you won't be able to do anything. "Retreat" and "pragmatic" should be two kinds of logic, and each performs its own duties, which is a matter of course. I have been in poor health recently, and the doctor asked me to take a full rest, so even this letter has been written intermittently for several days.Li Zhe would like to invite me to visit the United States. If there is no major health problem, the trip is expected to take place in June.At that time, Tiggo will be our tour guide and driver, which makes people happy just thinking about it.Just hope that the dreams come true - don't just stop at nothing this time.If you are free at that time, can you also come to get together? That is to say Daan! Shi Tiesheng March 14, 1997