Chapter 8 Chapter 3 dying
Surprisingly, we found that after returning to Taiwan, we didn't understand the situation at all, and even she herself was too optimistic.In the first week, because she was back in a familiar place and surrounded by familiar people, she seemed to subconsciously think that the injury was not that serious and that she would recover soon. She felt more stable and armed herself.Another kind of disaster, starting week two.
This morning, when the anesthesia was changed, it was temporarily decided to debride the wound. This is the third debridement, and the infection may have worsened.
At noon, I had dinner with a couple of friends, and they sent warmth in the name of helping me celebrate my birthday.I took a box of bird's nest and asked me to pass it on. It was a kind gesture. I knew they would be disappointed if I didn't accept it, so I readily accepted it on the spot.Before leaving, the couple shyly gave me another membership card. It turned out that they also bought five boxes. They were afraid that I would not be able to carry it, so they would ask the store to give it to me when I needed it.I accepted it gratefully, not knowing what to say for a moment.When I left, looking at this membership card, I secretly shed tears again. In fact, some friends had given away bird’s nests, but this membership card moved me because they were careful and knew that it would be a long road.
When I arrived at the hospital in the evening, the gauze on her head leaked a lot of blood.It turned out that she had been in a coma all day, and she kept wailing, crying out in pain, falling asleep, and dreaming.She fell asleep as soon as she wailed, and when she fell asleep, she dreamed, and when she was dreaming, she would groan, wail and wail as if she wanted to talk, and her left hand kept moving involuntarily.I don't know whether to wake her up or not to wake her up, she wakes up once I wake up, she will wake up even if I don't call out, when I wake up, I ask what I just said, talk to me a few words and then fall asleep, sleep for half a minute Waking up again, opening eyes for two seconds and falling asleep again.It went on and on all night and it looked horrific, but the nurse said it was normal.When she was awake, I told her that I wrote an article on October 31, and she asked me to show it to her, but she didn’t respond when she read it. I even felt that her eyelids looked heavy, maybe she was unconscious Well, maybe she was busy dealing with the severe pain, and sure enough, she fell asleep just looking at it.At 1 o'clock in the morning, Hebe came over for the fifth time, she became more conscious, and Hebe brought many friends' blessings, and they chatted for a while.
I was depressed when I came home because I had this groggy, very worrying picture all night.
Very sad day.I met Dr. Yang Ruiyong as soon as I came here. I rarely met Dr. Yang because Dr. Yang came to see her mostly during the day.Dr. Yang was a little worried because her immune system was weakened, she had a fever, aggravated infection, and herpes all over her face. My mind is dizzy every day, which is not very good.Alas, there is another dilemma. Anesthesia does not hurt, but anesthesia lowers resistance and is prone to fever; without anesthesia, it is painful to death, but the possibility of infection is reduced, and it is less life-threatening.
She fell asleep and wailed with the oxygen tube in her arms all night, and she was so drowsy that she was told "the medicine needs to be changed", but she didn't respond.Ren's father kept yelling: "Take a big breath! Take a big breath! Xuanxuan, don't be afraid, Dad is by my side!" Her body temperature hovered between 38.9 degrees Celsius and 37.5 degrees Celsius. She fell asleep, dreamed, wailed, and trembled at 38.9 degrees Celsius, and woke up at 37.5 degrees Celsius.When I wake up, I will ask for morphine, and I will shout that I am so hot, and she will forget to talk to her immediately, and I can’t even remember whether I have eaten or not;It will be more painful to change the dressing if you have a fever, but you still have to change it, and she can't take antipyretics because she is allergic. If the allergies will make the skin more difficult to deal with, I have to use "physical therapy": use ice pillows to cool down!
Since she entered "Chang Gung", she has been receiving drips to replenish water and nutrients. However, because she cannot move, too much water will cause fluid accumulation in her lungs.Therefore, the nurse has to control her water intake. Ren's father and Ren's mother start recording every day during the day, and I take over at night.She had a dry mouth due to a fever, but the nurse was very strict in not allowing her to drink water.When she was conscious, she knew that she had to eat. She couldn't drink water, which affected her ability to eat, so she had to ask the nurse to let her eat fruit.The nurse relented and felt that fruit was better than water, so she ate fish with grapes, beef with apples, and chewed them together so that she could eat them.What is this way of eating? !She eats to eat.
Tonight, because she has been lethargic, the dressing change is relatively late, and it didn't start until after 10 o'clock.A little later, Hebe came over for the sixth time, because she was changing her dressing, so I chatted with Hebe outside. Hebe told me that her uncle had suffered a small area of burns. She described him as a big man who started to tremble when he heard the dressing change, and would find excuses to avoid procrastination. It was hard to imagine that a weak woman like her could bear it.At 11 o'clock in the evening, Dad Ren came running suddenly. It turned out that she wanted to eat bird's nest in the evening, and the bird's nest in the hospital had just finished eating.The three of us were outside the ward, and we wanted to say hello to her after she finished changing her medicine before leaving.The anesthesiologist just passed by, and the doctor told us that he was very worried that she would become addicted to morphine. The doctor knew that she was really in pain, and the doctor was reluctant to give up, but the morphine was really added too much.
I joked, can I add morphine before changing the medicine, don’t usually take morphine, just lie to her that she has morphine, let her take the fake one, and she will feel more at ease; Hebe said that the United States uses hypnosis to relieve pain for patients, but doctors say that hypnosis is not orthodox medicine.Father Ren said firmly: "Everything respects the doctor's professional decision!"
Later, we misunderstood what the nurse meant and thought that the medicine had been changed, so Dad Ren and I went to the ward first.As we approached the ward, I heard her wailing as she changed her dressing. I don't know how to describe it in words.Dad Ren and I stayed for a while, looked at each other, our eyes automatically moved to another place, and I tried my best to stop my tears.Dad Ren said calmly: "Let's go out and wait!" After changing the medicine, I congratulated her: "No matter how many times there are still medicine changes, it's just one less time! It's sad and hard!" I can't stop thinking about it. The wailing sound when she changed the medicine, I was crying and driving home, this is purgatory on earth.
I was very tired myself today and dozed off on the drive to the hospital.As soon as I arrived at the hospital, I happened to meet Zhuang Xiushu, another attending doctor.Dr. Zhuang is very strict, cheerful and talkative.In fact, since the incident happened, I haven't asked the doctor clearly about her injury and future recovery. I subconsciously wanted to avoid it, and didn't dare to know too much detail, because even if I knew, there was nothing I could do.Now that I met Dr. Zhuang, I would still know about it in the future anyway, so I mustered up the courage to ask carefully.
Dr. Zhuang said that except for the toes and the soles of the feet, both legs suffered deep third-degree burns, which were evenly and circularly destroyed, leaving no good skin.The last time the skin grafting made up 18%, but because of the infection, some flesh grew faster than the skin, and the last debridement removed some. It is conservatively estimated that there will be more than three grafts.Dr. Zhuang is a surgeon, and he mainly observes the platelet and blood sugar index. He said that these indexes are fine; but the physician is worried because her immune system is weaker than that of other patients with the same serious condition.I was worried and he tried to encourage me by emphasizing to me that there were many cases of miracles.I couldn't concentrate anymore, I kept thinking about other things, to avoid tears from imagining what her legs looked like.
She is still lethargic and has a fever today, she can still sing a few lines when her eyes are open, and falls asleep after singing two lines.In such a half-dream and half-awake state, she told me that she didn’t know where the courage came from today. She endured the severe pain and turned over for the first time. She felt a great sense of accomplishment; Earth.She also told me that she also practiced coughing and clearing phlegm with the strength of her stomach.Suddenly, she couldn't open her eyes again, and fell asleep again.Because she has been groggy, a psychologist has been added to the medical team.After talking with the psychiatrist, she felt that her mental state was OK, but it was not good to have nightmares all the time. He suggested that we prepare some family photos and put them within her sight, which would be more helpful.
Half asleep and half awake, she also told me that she changed her facial dressing today, and excitedly described it as a bit like the pores of her face were covered with clips, and she suddenly pulled it up, and her spirit was instantly lifted.As soon as she changed the subject, she thanked God with tears in her eyes, just because the dressing change this morning was less painful.I encouraged her from the side: "It's one less dressing change!"
When I entered the hospital today, I met seven or eight fans guarding the door and asked me to convey cards and blessings. I promised them and asked them to go home quickly.While she was awake, I quickly told her that there were fans cheering at the door.Her reaction was: "Please fans go home quickly, because you won't be able to see me if you stay in the hospital, there will be news about me in the news and on the Internet, tell the fans to take good care of your life, don't waste time running to the hospital , the hospital is far away." I didn't have a chance to convey it, because the fans had already left when I was going home.
Hebe came to see her for the seventh time. Hebe encouraged her to use her phone to record her feelings, but she said that she didn’t have the strength to speak most of the time. It was because we came that she talked with us, especially now that she couldn’t Drink water, talk tired.
Today I complained to Xiao Guo, I don't know what to say to comfort her.Xiao Guo said a sentence, which is very classic, very direct, and very spot on: "No one dies from pain, and the pain will not kill, so it will pass!" I thought about it, and I can tell her this.I guess she won't react too much, because she is in too much pain. When she is awake, she doesn't care about many things, she only cares about the pain.Sure enough, as I expected.
In fact, most people guess that she might be worried about issues, including whether there will be scars, whether she will lose confidence, how serious the consequences will be, what impact will it cause, whether I will run away, etc. At least she was not worried before today , because it was too painful, she didn't want to think about other things.However, I think this is only at the present stage. In the future, when she gradually recovers, she will gradually worry about one by one.No matter, take one step at a time.
When I went to the hospital, I met fans again, and the fans asked me to hand over the amulets, cards, paper cranes, etc. they had prayed for at Xingtian Temple.I hung the amulet over her bed.Tonight, when she saw me, she burst into tears and told me that it was so uncomfortable not being able to drink water, and she hoped that she could drink water soon after the operation.She told me that she had insomnia all night last night, regardless of the pain in the middle of the night, and was unable to defecate with all her strength, and it took an hour and a half to do so. It was unbelievable, so she just watched the clock all night and waited until 8:00 in the morning, hoping to wait for the doctor to come. , ask the doctor if she can drink water.
In the afternoon, the psychiatrist asked her how she was today, and she cried again: "How could I be fine? The pain is so painful, and I can't drink water!" The problem of defecation also made her very depressed. She secretly told me that it turned out that a few days ago during anesthesia , the nurse helped her dig with her hands.After complaining, she acted again, imitating the doctor, making expressions with her eyes, rolling her eyes, and she was very proud after the performance, which made me laugh a little.I suddenly thought, she should only roll her eyes without pain, right?
My friend suggested that although we are treated by western medicine, before changing the medicine, should we consider combining acupuncture and qigong of traditional Chinese medicine to relieve pain and make up for the deficiency of morphine and painkilling needles.A friend also told me that he has a pipeline for stem cells, but it seems that it cannot be done in Taiwan, China. He can introduce medical information in the United States and Europe, but I think there may be risks of moving and different medical methods.I don't usually see Dr. Yang, so I can only offer Dad Ren's thoughts from the side.Father Ren said firmly: "Everything respects the doctor's professional decision!"
This morning the anesthesia was changed, and she fell asleep until around three or four in the afternoon.When I went to see her in the evening, she had a fever of 38.6 degrees Celsius, and described her depression to me drowsily: "I had a high fever around 5 o'clock in the morning, and I tried to defecate, and I don't know how many wounds were torn." Dinner time, She knew she should eat more, but she just couldn't eat, so she showed me the hand rehabilitation "clench fist".Dad Ren read Qin Wei's letter to her. The key to fighting against burns is to have confidence.In addition to Qin Wei's own experience, there is a case in which faith overcame a doctor's almost-declared death. I was beside me and I was sure she didn't hear it, because she was frowning and drowsy.
When the dressing was changed at eight or nine o'clock, she cried to me, thanking the night shift cleaner for encouraging her, but she was afraid that she would not make progress. At the same time, her right hand shook involuntarily.Seeing her trembling hands, I hardly dared to breathe, and asked her in a low voice, "Why are your hands shaking all the time?" She was stunned for a moment, and said slowly, "Is there any?" After taking a deep breath, I looked away, with tears rolling in my eyes, and whispered: "Oh, it hurts, I'm very hot, I may need to take a break, can I drink water?" I quickly diverted her attention: "Take a deep breath! Take a deep breath! There is progress, I watch you improve every day! You know I don’t talk nonsense to you! Really! Don’t cry, don’t cry!” To be honest, I’m not sure if it counts as progress, just here” During the three or four days of "Chang Geng", she was in a better mood, these days, she was just lethargic and had a fever.She also said: "Painkillers can't stop my fever. I can't take antipyretics, so I can only use ice cubes. But the ice cubes make my wound hurt, and I can't sleep because I have a fever all night. Now I have a fever too, it's so hot..." She Looking at the ceiling, tears still flowed out.
Before changing the dressing, I heard her pray for the first time: "Lord, the child is now suffering from double pain, fever plus wound pain, and the pain of changing the dressing. Thank you Lord, my child believes that the Lord has relieved a lot of pain for my child, my child Now I only bear some pain, the child is only one person after all. Please give the child strength, let the child believe that he can do it, stay optimistic, and have a good sleep tonight, let my skin grow quickly, and beat the fever, child I need you very much now, and my child doesn’t know who else to turn to now? Let the child not let the people around him worry, please Lord, let the child have confidence..." This is an impromptu, whispered, choked, humble, and tearful In the prayer, I will never forget her tone and look when she said, "The child doesn't know who else to ask now."She pressed the morphine, looked at the morphine, and said to the morphine, "It will work!" She swallowed a breath, then turned to the nurse and said, "I can change the medicine now!"
It took more than an hour to change the dressing this time. It turned out that she went to the toilet during the dressing change.I congratulate her for getting through another, and anyway, one less.This process is so much, at most two months of dressing change, at most two months of pain, there will be no more, every time it passes, it will be one less time, and it will end one day.Before I left, I said: "Be full of confidence at all times!" She looked at me helplessly and repeated this sentence in a low voice.
Today, Hebe also came.In the beginning, Hebe came every day, which surprised me a bit, so I recorded how many times she came; now, Hebe comes so many times that I am too lazy to count how many times Hebe comes. Hebe said I lost weight, I said, I don't know, I will eat more.
I had insomnia at night, and I kept thinking about how she prayed and what she prayed for today.
Anesthesia and debridement were performed again this morning. After debridement, I still had a fever, but it was not serious. At least it was not as lethargic as the previous few days.However, she still suffered from severe pain, and for two weeks she ate heavily but her bowel movements were not smooth, which caused her stomach to feel uncomfortable, so she didn't want to talk much, and when she saw me, she just said, "It hurts too much! It hurts too much!"
She had a fever of 38.6 degrees Celsius.The nurse assisted her to turn over and pat her back. She said that the seemingly simple turning over cost her half her life. Hebe came again, and she told Hebe that sometimes she seemed to have delusions, thinking that the pain was less painful, and the pain became illusory.She told Hebe that she was so thankful to the Lord that she didn't know what kind of pain she would encounter, but the people closest to her were by her side. She was very happy and believed in the Lord's arrangements for everything.
I changed the dressing on the face later, and it lasted for nearly an hour after another change.I haven't left after changing the medicine, so I simply go in to say hello.She was shaking all the time. It turned out that after changing her face, she changed the medicine for her buttocks, and she also tried to go to the toilet in the middle.She was weak, as if she wanted to talk to me, blinked her eyes, frowned, and then looked at the ceiling without moving.I wanted to tell her "it's too late", "I'm going back", "don't think too much" and so on, but she suddenly looked at me and moved her right hand, shaking and shaking; I was nervous, and she shook again Right hand, I think: she wants to write?I held the camera, frantically looking for pens and paper, and pushed the table to the bed.
She wrote down slowly: "I really want to break down and cry but I can't cry." I held back my tears and quickly wrote: "I also broke down and cried, I want to cry every day, I can't share the pain, but The pain will not torture you for a long time, another day will pass.” She squinted at the note I wrote, and wrote slowly with trembling hands: “Only all kinds of new types of pain torture me.” I Continue to write: "Really, it won't be long, it will pass step by step, the pain can only be like this, and the skin graft will be done tomorrow, the pain can only be like this, you will eventually defeat the pain, you will eventually defeat This process will be fine in the end, and it will pass, hold on!" She was crying, but she couldn't move when she wanted to nod, and smiled at me a little.
It was getting late at night and I was driving home crying again.How long will this day last?two months?I can roughly estimate the area that needs skin grafting divided by the area that can be skin grafted each time, multiplied by the interval time between each skin grafting, the answer is equal to the time of severe pain plus fever.Forget it, there are too many uncertainties, don't think too much.
Additional note: Up to now, I still clearly remember her expression on the night of November 7, 2010, "blinking her eyes, frowning, and then staring at the ceiling without moving."
I am not in a good mood today, because I am immersed in yesterday's emotions, and my mind is full of pictures of her in pain and unable to move.
Today the media reported: "She can sit and defecate, she is great!" Father Ren always wants to encourage fans, encourage everyone, try to release optimistic messages, so that everyone can rest assured, and swallow the bitterness in his stomach.I admire Ren's father's demeanor very much, but how can it be so simple and simple to sit and defecate?In my impression, she said that when she defecated for the first time, her buttocks were burned and she couldn't sit up. It took nearly three hours and several nurses carried her.She often passes out accidentally, or sideways when changing dressings, and defecates on the bed all the time.If I remember correctly, half of the dressing was changed yesterday, and the nurse helped her clean it up.The so-called "defecation" in the report is a person who can't use force, and the wounds all over the body are painful. The pain is unbearable.
After seeing what the media wrote, I don't know what I should think.Of course, the media has to use headlines to attract readers, but the truth is that it is not so easy.
I kept thinking on the way to the hospital, how can I encourage her today in such a mood.I want to say this: "You have to work hard, be optimistic, hold back, be obedient, try your best to cooperate with the doctor, and get well quickly, lest I can't hold on and I will die of exhaustion or I will collapse first. Also, I will not let You are burning this scene for nothing, we divide the work and cooperate, you are in charge, and I will be there for the rest, there are still many things that can be done after you are well, I need your help!"
Since the incident happened, I have met the people and directors of the two TV stations. I don't believe that they did it on purpose, it should be negligence.I was at a loss at the beginning, and I didn't expect to blame them. From worrying at the beginning to watching her suffer now, I have no other mental energy to pursue.I didn't want to pursue it that much, and pursuing it would not change the danger of her life and the long road ahead, which is irreparable.I don't have the energy to care too much. What I am more concerned about is what is best for her recovery. I am exhausted physically and mentally.
When I arrived at the hospital, Dad Ren told me that the skin grafting operation went well. She woke up at 3:00 p.m.She said it was scary not being able to sleep at night.When I entered the ward, she was in a good mood, her left thumb was exposed, because the fever had receded a bit, she was still playing and singing.The gauze around her mouth was crumbling, and she composed a song "Fish Fish (Gauze Around Mouth) Really Wants to Eat It".I listened quietly, and I didn't have a chance to say the encouragement I thought of on the way. Since she was in a good mood, there was no need to mention it.
However, taking advantage of her good mood, I told her who the friends and noble people who helped and encouraged me along the way were, and I also told her a small episode today: "Several friends including Xiaoyu have been asking me if I can help, I have been I can’t think of any help. The day before yesterday (Saturday) they insisted on taking me to the hospital and then picking me up back to Taipei, at least one day so that I would not be so tired. After running once, they found that it was quite tiring to drive back and forth to Linkou, Taipei. They simply helped me arrange a driver to drive me for a month. I declined in every possible way, mainly because I have a high mobility in my own car, and my time is very uncertain. I refused for a long time. In the evening, the driver went downstairs to my house to make a phone call Give it to me, saying that the money for the chartered car has been paid in full, insisting on not charging me, and not telling me how much it is.”
Hebe is here again today.The two of them chatted and started to act, one by one, impromptu performing a scene where the two big names complained about the bad makeup and hair.After a while, the changed nurse started acting with her.She turned her head and said slowly to the nurse: "Miss, do you want to change the dressing today?" The nurse continued to work on other things and said softly: "No, just change the face." She said sweetly: "Thank you." The nurse She said nonchalantly: "You're welcome." She turned her head back to face my camera, rolled her eyes, waved her hands slightly (meaning flying to the sky), and then sang in Hokkien dialect with movements: "Ya Bi (Flower Fair Mascot), Bubi, come and go to Hawaii!" After singing, he suddenly said to me very seriously: "Don't shoot, please? The artist is working now, so it's not very convenient. The artist needs to practice blowing the ball now." Then he said Practice inhaling on your own.
On the way home, I had a strong premonition that her good mood today should be short-lived. As long as her skin hasn't mended, fever and pain may still be unavoidable.
Today I am quite worried, because I always feel that her good mood yesterday should be just an illusion.Because of work, I didn’t arrive at the hospital until after 8:00 in the evening. As soon as I arrived, my father told me that I was not in good condition today. Coughing vigorously and coughing up sputum caused difficulty in breathing.She already had asthma and was allergic to certain medicines, food, and for some reason, the difficulty in breathing caused half of her face to swell up for two and a half hours.Father Ren said lightly, she cried for a while, she didn't understand why she worked so hard and cooperated so strangely, why she was still tormented by strange illnesses?
When I saw her, she was in a low ebb, depressed, taking morphine one after another, and talking to me one after another.She wants to change her dressing early and go to bed early, and if Hebe is coming, she wants me to tell Hebe not to come, because she is really discouraged and depressed.I quickly told Hebe that Hebe was already on the way, so I had to turn back.
The dressing was changed at 9 o'clock, but it was changed to 11 o'clock, plus bowel movements, dressing changes, and bed sheets, so it took so long.I waited until 11 o'clock and told her that Hebe had just arrived in the middle of the road, and I asked Hebe to go back first. She was a little surprised, she forgot what she said, felt very embarrassed, and quickly left a message for Hebe.I saw that she was in a low ebb, so I encouraged her, told her what I wanted to say yesterday but didn't come in handy, and asked her to cheer up, lest I collapse first.Her response was a bit cold, and she said lightly: "You will not collapse." I encouraged her again, there are still many challenges, such as skin grafting, fever, rehabilitation, etc., these are inescapable, pessimism is also a day of optimism One day, it is better to live a day in a good mood than in a bad mood, and try to face these in a good mood.Her response was also a bit cold, and she just nodded slightly.
On the way to the hospital today, I was thinking, logically speaking, I should be in better condition today.As soon as I arrived at the hospital, Dad Ren told me excitedly that she was doing well today, her fever had subsided temporarily, she had no allergies, and her difficulty in breathing was relieved.
When I saw her, Dad Ren was still feeding her. She looked expressionless, showing a little bit of red nose and chin.She was also very tired and sleepy today. When she was about to fall asleep, she saw the news report on Hebe’s concert in Hong Kong, and she was very moved when she heard Hebe’s speech before singing "You are beautiful"; she also saw her In her previous photos, she was very sad and started to cry.As soon as the news was over, Hebe just walked in from the door, what a coincidence!I left time for them, because Hebe will be out promoting for more than a week.
After changing the medicine, I knew she was in pain, tired and sleepy as soon as I saw her expression, but I haven't practiced sucking the ball today.She could easily take 30 puffs in the first week, but these days she seems to be struggling, she needs to rest after 10 puffs, and wants to lose her temper.
Before I left, I encouraged her again: "A nurse told me that the overall condition is actually not bad. Another day has passed, and the pain of another day is gone. It is something to be happy about. Get well soon and save us. Try to eat and sleep as much as possible. , try to keep a good mood, the psychology will affect the physiology, the sooner we get better, the faster the probability of our collapse will be reduced.” I told her that Dad Ren lost four kilograms (Dad Ren didn’t tell me, when Dad Ren chatted with the nurse mentioned, the nurse told me), I want to put a little pressure on her and stimulate her to cheer.Startled, she began to sob.I said: "We are all willing to work hard. If losing four kilograms can bring you progress, I believe Dad will be very willing too. You also have to help us to help yourself, because most of us can't help you." She then Laughing and crying nod.
Today, I have a lot of emotions myself.Why should I record and publish a book?The source of media reports is what Hua Yan and Dad Ren said. In order to protect artists and respect their families, Hua Yan gave all official answers, which were taken lightly; Express mostly.Neither is wrong, but I know very well that this is not the case at all.As I expected, the media's attention will gradually fade away. How can there be so many news points that can continue to report?And this is a long-term war of resistance. She doesn't know how long it will take just to walk out of this hospital. She may not be able to walk out, or she may be discharged from the hospital in a wheelchair.
Assuming she is discharged from the hospital in two months, the focus will no longer be on how she got through these two months. The media must be particularly concerned about the damage to her appearance. Whoever can take a picture of her first will get the headlines. Will SHE disband?When is she going to get married?If this matter has attracted such a high degree of attention, who will know what the real process is like?Since everyone is paying so much attention, I want to make up for the fact that is close to the truth for those who are still paying attention to this matter after the news is over.In the past two days, the news reported that she smiled optimistically and said, "Finally, I can pick my nose regardless of my image!" Who knows what kind of nose picking it is?That's because a nasogastric tube was inserted from the nostrils to the intestines to force her to absorb nutrients, and it was very uncomfortable to pour milk into it, so she picked her nostrils all the time.
Burns are the most inhumane pain, especially for large area burns. Before the skin is repaired, there will be no skin pain, and it will take a long time. If there are not enough skins for skin grafting, you have to wait for the skin to grow out. .This kind of long-term pain can't be done without facing it. There is nothing I can do. I can only endure it and wait. I can't move when I lie on the hospital bed.Leaving aside the long-term severe pain, it is like being in prison, but it is more uncomfortable than being in prison, and the body can still move around in prison.
The burn center is full almost every day, and injured people will come in every one or two days. When there is a public safety incident, many people come in at once. In addition to local people, many of them are laborers from other regions.These days, I don't have the energy to care about other patients, and I don't dare to look at them more. I always come and leave in a hurry.Today, a patient came in. The wounded friend seemed to be a worker, a father in his fifties, because of an accident in the factory.I was just about to come in at the door, and the anxious, restless and worried family members were just like me three weeks ago. They gathered around the door and listened to the nurse's explanation to them. All this seemed to evoke my memory of three weeks ago.
I asked the nurse, do you feel numb when you see these patients and these scenes?They said that when they first came to work in the burn center, they were very, very shocked when they saw the miserable state of the patients being burned.Even now, although I have watched a lot, I still often feel sad or have a sore nose.I think it is right for me to write this book. Most of the burn patients are vulnerable groups. Apart from their family members, how many people pay attention to them?They are a minority and can only suffer silently.When they return to society in the future, in addition to physical and mental rehabilitation, they may also have to bear the strange eyes of others.No one will know what they suffered, and most will not be treated like her.If her little experience can help the society understand burns better, understand their history of blood and tears of struggle, and respect, support and care for these brave burn fighters, her suffering will be more meaningful.
When I arrived in the ward, Dad Ren was encouraging her to practice sucking balls, but she obviously didn't want to because of chest tightness.Today she showed around her mouth, red, black, and peeling. It may be related to herpes. She is completely different from what I saw on the plane.She also didn't forget to be funny, because only a little bit of her face was shown, so her face became smaller.She emphasized that she was slap face.She was in a normal mood, so she imitated a mummy and asked me to take pictures when she was bored; she was very weak, because of the pain and insomnia last night, and she didn't want to talk much; Hebe came to see her again, and she will go out to promote for several days the next day.I said to Hebe: "Try to let her eat the minced meat and eggs." Hebe coaxed her to eat a little, and then I gave them the time.
When she was changing the dressing on her face, Hebe came out and told me that she had just cried twice, and she was crying about Ren’s father losing four kilograms and Ren’s mother also losing weight.I said, I told her that it was a strategy to encourage her, the sooner she gets better, the sooner she can get rid of Dad Ren.After changing the medicine, it may be because of the pain, so she came to the spirit and told me that this morning was the first time to change the medicine without anesthesia in the ward. It was extremely painful, but she survived. She is very grateful to the doctors and nurses, and, Tomorrow I will go to the operating room for anesthesia and dressing change, so I am happy in my heart.She asked the doctor if she could put artificial dressings on her waist and buttocks, so that it shouldn't hurt so much. The doctor agreed, and she felt grateful again.She also proudly told me that she endured for two hours this afternoon without taking morphine!
It's been three weeks, any progress?have it.
Today, I recalled it on the way to the hospital. From the incident to the present, Hebe seemed to come every day except for the scheduled work; Ella also came every day before the study tour.I saw a report two or three days ago that Hebe and Ella still distribute their work income to her.I didn't go to verify the authenticity of this report, I just watched it quietly, and I was sure it should be true, because when Ella was injured, she and Hebe seemed to do like this.
I watched SHE's feelings quietly for more than three years. When Ella is angry, she and Hebe will be sulking, sulking because Ella is worthless, so angry that I want to be angry with Ella; when we have the idea of getting married, I am worried that it will make a qualitative change for SHE, but Hebe and Ella can only be happy They never thought of SHE or their own future at all; when Hebe released his solo album, Ella and her were the ones who did the most promotion. Hebe's record was successful, and she and Ella were happier than Hebe.
Today, her face is less covered, her eyes and chin are exposed, red and black, a little peeling, in fact, her face looks quite serious.Her right thumb was also exposed, with red and tender new skin.She was in a good mood, probably because she felt that she had improved, at least her hands and face were less wrapped.Because of the injury between her left eyebrow and left eye, she practiced opening her eyes wide and staring at me, and then practiced closing her eyes and frowning. She played this action as a game.She also joked to Dad Ren that she was like Guan Gong, and if I called her an "idol", she would definitely bless me, but I had to wait for Master Guan to get better first.She made Dad Ren laugh out loud.
Today, the gauze on her face was removed for the first time, and the whole face was exposed. It was red, dark and peeling. The whole face was swollen, and only the lower right eye was not hurt at all.I was secretly startled when I saw it, why is it so serious? !She is completely different from what I saw on the plane!According to the nurse, her face was originally covered with mild, uniform burns, and herpes may have also affected it a little.
When I saw her, I quickly congratulated her, and made progress again, and the gauze on her face was removed!She was also in good spirits, ate a lot, and was busy describing to me the feeling of feeding milk through a nasogastric tube: "It's like drinking sorghum wine, it's hot, but you drink it directly from your stomach, and your stomach is directly hot." It didn't take long before she started sweating all the time, because it was so hot that she would rather endure the severe pain and turn over, asking me to pat her back and fan her.她的生理时钟乱了，月经晚了，她很担心，但护士说是正常的。一度她想用手机发个短信，但手指都烧伤了，被包起来了，很难操作，按了几下放声大哭。我安慰她：“我帮你发吧，或是以后再发，又没有什么重要的事情，没关系啦！”
她跟我说，医生说她的脸六个月内不能晒太阳，六个月内会一下红一下黑，将来的肤色也会有落差。我一听到六个月很泄气，好久啊，六个月不能晒太阳等于六个月不能正常出门，要一直关在家里或是室内场所，生活作息很别扭，会很闷。她告诉我，没有人给她镜子，但她用手机自拍看到自己的脸了；还有，脸很紧，她要一直做表情做脸部复健，很烦。她说其实她很担心，看到自己的脸时有一点吓到，有一点想哭。我说：“脸一定会没事！就算有点色差，淡妆就盖过去了，比较麻烦的是腿，但是，一天比一天进步！”
今天我们谈得比较多，还谈了未来的生活，谈她的感触。她提到，她未来可能无法继续在演艺圈工作了，毕竟她有了这么大的变化，不管是生理上、心理上或是外观上，她可能没办法再嘻嘻哈哈、唱唱跳跳了，但她也不知道以后要做什么。我说：“那就做公益嘛。”她点点头。我说：“别想太多，以后再说吧！或许你可以穿长裤主持啊！还是有很多事情可以做的，或许将来想法又不一样，也可能演艺市场不要你了，有太多种可能了。”
我想，这些都是可以预想到的问题，复健、面对社会等等，希望她能尽快健健康康地面对社会，毕竟我们不可能一直躲在医院。媒体也不会放过我们，出院后，谁可以拍到她的样子就可以是大新闻吧？只有健康大方地面对才是办法！可是，如果她的样子落差很大，她必须先能面对自我，才能面对社会。
我又说：“乐观一点，加油一点，尽量把待在医院及复原所需要的时间缩到最短，帮你自己的忙，也帮我们的忙！”
时间晚了，她也要换药换床单了，我就回家了。路上，我一直想，这么严重的灼伤，根本没有几个人知道真实的状况，她的每一点小进步，都是受尽折磨。今天看到她的脸，竟然这么严重，相关人等在哪里？道义上法律上应该要在的人，在哪里？最清楚现场的导演，你不是早就回台湾了吗？媒体说你要拍新戏了？Where are you?你们要等到她出院之后，看到她能出院，才对着空气喊两句“看到她还好，很欣慰”，或是祝福加油之类的话？
今天她整天状况都很糟。我到的时候，她在练习吸球，她的脸跟以前一样肿得很大，既红又黑还脱皮。她整晚失眠，胸闷、呼吸困难、忽冷忽热，整天提不起劲，有一点点发烧。她勉强把饭吃完，就开始号啕大哭，这一哭哭了很久。她很生气，为什么已经这么痛了，又多了一个呼吸困难。这一哭哭得太用力，哭到流鼻血，吓了我们一跳，应该是擤鼻涕太用力了，或许也跟她还插着鼻肠管有关。她说她之前就很想一直哭，只是痛到没有力气哭。护士连忙安慰她，任爸也鼓励她：“越来越好了，大口吸气大口吐气，放松心情，想哭就哭出来，哭一下血压会升高，也可以宣泄一下情绪。”
哭累了休息一下，练习翻身时，她笨拙地抱着床边侧身，又哭了起来：“我肚子不舒服，想上厕所，我想自在地活动，我不想在这里，我想像以前一样，以后出院也不一样了……”
我只能说：“我也不想在这里，快了快了，比以前好多了，只会越来越好。以后回家白天不能出门就不要出门，晚上再出门就好啦，不要再哭啦，今天哭的量够了！”她说：“那我以后白天在家里当蝙蝠好了，好，我要勇敢！”
无预警地，她开始忽冷忽热，坐卧难安，情绪低落。她想要复健动一下，却忽然很热，汗流不停，全身湿透；帮她扇一扇风，她却又觉得很冷、全身发抖，每一分一秒都很难挨。换药换纱布后，她吃了安眠药，眼皮就快要垂下来了，她撑着，要我等她睡着了再走。她一直喃喃自语，身上又因流汗湿了，一直在调整她的鼻肠管，嚷嚷着全身不舒服、肚子不舒服，眼神有点迷蒙，但就是睡不着。她皱着眉头似睡非睡，我不敢走，再多等一下，她果然醒来。我问她：“不是睡着了吗？怎么又醒来？放松心情！”她淡淡地说：“我一直都是这样啊！”
我心想：天啊，安眠药也没有用。
她祷告了起来：“感谢主，相信主已经让我的疼痛减少很多，我相信主的安排，我一定会撑过去，请主给我力量，最后祈求主给我一个安稳的睡眠，有精神可以对抗明天的换药与疼痛，希望主垂怜让我睡着，让身体可以休养、长皮……”
这是多么无助的祷告啊！
今天我一到，就发现她虽然脸还是又红又黑又肿，但头上的纱布拆掉了！是个大光头，亮亮的那种大光头，从左耳附近到头顶再到右耳附近的红色长条清晰可见，一共有三道红红的长条状的切头皮痕迹，原来后脑勺的皮没有用到，可能是因为留着后脑勺让她可以躺着睡觉吧。任爸依然是乐观的，因为拆掉纱布就是一种进步。我则呆呆地傻笑。
今早是麻醉换药，麻醉时护士帮她挖了排泄物，我联想到昨晚她睡前迷迷糊糊的，好像有说想上厕所但是没力气，再拜托护士好了。她的状况仍然是忽冷忽热，一下很热流汗，一下湿透又很冷，她说她实在没法乐观。我也不懂但乱讲一通：“一定是因为在长皮！皮肤本来就有调节冷热的功能，之前没皮，现在有皮啦，可能你的身体好很多了，才会有冷热的问题。要乐观！有进步！你记得刚来医院的时候你是什么样子啊，木乃伊耶，现在头上纱布都拆掉啰！”
她哭着说：“头皮一直流汗，很想抓！”我检查她的头没有流汗，她就说：“难道是心理因素吗？我恍惚了吗？”唉！可能是剃了一个大光头不习惯吧！她也提到，她常常眼睛一睁开就不敢相信一切是真的，她会发生这么倒霉的事情，居然躺在医院里变成这个样子。我只能说：“没有办法，真的已经发生了，只能接受，一天会比一天好的！”
她说着说着突然又演了起来，自己拿白毛巾当白纱，盖住头跟脸，演起了新娘，并一人分饰三角模拟起婚礼中牧师与新郎、新娘的对话，还说新娘很需要白纱，因为新娘没有头发了。一个不小心，我提到日前看到的一谈话性节目，讨论我会不会离开，她听到这个题目吓了一跳：“我从来没想过这个问题耶！”我说：“你对我这么有信心哦？”她说：“就是没想过这个问题啊！”我转移了话题，怕她乱想。之后谈话又一个不小心，我们聊到爆炸前与爆炸经过，她讲了一点儿就开始哭了，开始胸闷，也抱怨吸球使不上力。我跟她说：“以后再谈，不急不急。”
离开前，我在不经意间跟她说：“其实类似的这种不幸事件会一直发生，或许你将来可以鼓励烧伤病患，给他们打气！”她听了含泪点点头，她说很感谢好多人帮助她，以后她也要帮助别人。她又发呆了好一会儿，好像在回想她当初在瑞金医院的状况。
她准备睡觉前吃了安眠药，特地多按了几下吗啡，好像只有这样才有信心减低疼痛，才能睡着。
我一到任爸就很兴奋地告诉我，虽然昨晚又断断续续地失眠，但今天精神不错，她还跟医生要求可否下床一下，医生同意了。护士把她搬下床放到轮椅上，任爸推着她在病房内绕了一会儿。她很开心，虽然只有一分钟，但终于离开了病床！
我到的时候，她笑着告诉我终于离开病床了，很开心，感觉轮椅好硬哦，还是床比较软，但她很累，为了那一分钟用尽力气，所以要睡一下。她醒来告诉我，下午心理医生来看她，心理医生建议想哭就哭，失眠时要找事情来做，不要发呆地看着时钟乱想。她想记录心情，但手指不方便，不能写作，想用录音但又不知从何讲起，所以就上上网、看看影集。
心理医生还鼓励她面对心灵深处最大的痛，所以，她下午一边痛哭一边把整个爆炸、急救与送医过程的细节说了一遍，并描述在瑞金医院待的那两天的担心、害怕与度日如年。
她又跟我很仔细地说了一遍，虽然她试图镇定，但还是忍不住地哭，边说边用棉花棒拭泪。其实，她之前已经断断续续地告诉过我了，相关工作人员也陆陆续续地告诉过我了，我还是压着情绪，若无其事地、静静地听她说。我们首度一起面对这些细节。
她告诉我，她今天换药时，手超级无敌痛，腰、背跟屁股也有点痛，但不知道为什么今天不觉得恐怖，也不知道为什么换药时很清醒，刚好瞄到自己的双腿。她说很难形容她的腿，有一点像补丁，有一点像恐怖片里的人肉拼图。我则是心跳加速、屏住呼吸又装作若无其事地听，我其实很害怕听到她要说的。我记得庄医师描述过她双腿全毁的样子，我早猜想得到她的腿一定是一块一块拼凑出来的，一次一次补起来的。她在跟我描述她的腿的时候，没有掉泪，我想她事先做了一些心理建设吧。
后来她有点低潮，怀疑自己在经历过这些变化后，将来还能像以前一样无忧无虑地唱歌或是带给大家欢乐吗？我说：“现在想这些太早，将来变化很多，但我相信，经历过这个重击之后，你会变成一个更特别、更好的、upgrade（更新的）的Selina！”我赶快转移话题，开玩笑说，她光头的样子像一个女大兵，有点像一部电影里的黛米摩尔，她马上顺着演下去，喊起口令：“大头兵张承中！立正！稍息！伏地挺身（俯卧撑），一下二上，预备，起！”
她准备睡觉前，我陪她跟老天爷祷告，她仅仅祈求能有一夜好眠。
今天，她最大的改变就是她的鼻肠管拔掉了，鼻肠管非常不舒服，让牛奶直接灌进她的肠胃，也是她挖了将近一个月鼻孔的原因。她跟我说，拔出来时她是清醒的，超恶心、超不舒服，但她不想讲细节，不过总是一个进步，起码头部可以比较自由地活动。
今天，她也一直哭。她下午复健时坐上轮椅一下，很累很痛很冷，复健师说她很勇敢。她跟我说，她根本就不勇敢，一点也不勇敢，也不想要勇敢。护士都鼓励她，夸她很坚强，她好像必须很坚强，其实她很胆小也不坚强，她连上下轮椅都怕得半死。她也担心自己的脸，现在不想管好不好看，但是很紧很绷，很不舒服。这几天她一直哭，哭说之前的痛她不记得了，现在又面临一堆挫折。
任爸鼓励她：“这样很好，是在释放压力！因为现在进步了点，疼痛减少了点，你才有心思哭啊，应该要喜乐面对才对！哭出来后要进步，发泄后要进步，要自己跳出这个泥沼，每天哭一点，每天看得更开一点面对未来，这就是成长。你真的很勇敢啦！别的房间的病人叫得像杀猪一样！”她听着任爸的话，双手一直抓头，活像个红脸小沙弥。
今天，她的身体也很不舒服，忽冷忽热，很严重，一下发抖，一下流汗，一下抱两条棉被。我也不知为什么会这样，鬼扯一堆因为从没有皮变成有皮了，提醒她明早见到医生时要记得反映。她现在可以稍微侧着睡，我觉得是大进步，代表她的双腿、腰、臀已可稍微活动，没有那么痛了，比起之前的完全不能动，已经好很多了。睡前，即便情绪不稳，她的理智也告诉自己要赶快好，最好的方式就是多吃多睡，所以她祷告求安稳的睡眠，求能克服自己近来软弱的力量，再求我的身体扛得住奔波，祷告完就准备睡觉了。
我在回家的路上想整个烧烫伤的过程，原来烧烫伤的治疗有一定的过程与阶段。一开始是非常痛不能动，她却很少掉泪，惊吓到忘记要哭，轻轻地讲话轻轻地微笑；再后来，因为发烧，所以都是在昏睡做梦，睡睡醒醒，15分钟内体温可以急遽变化，体温冲过38摄氏度，她眼睛就闭上了，嗯嗯啊啊的，体温降回37摄氏度，眼睛慢慢张开，问我刚刚她说了什么；第三周则来到疼痛泄气担心期，到底会不会进步？到底还要多久？什么时候才会不痛？最近来到痛哭期，每天都是情绪，每天有不一样的理由哭，哭完还能因为另一个理由再哭。
今天她的状况也是时好时坏，刚见到我时她蛮开心的，急着告诉我，她第一次靠自己坐在床上便盆上，努力上了一次厕所，而且她也忍痛坐在床边一下，是靠她自己撑住身体的！腰跟臀部第一次用力！很快，她又开始三分钟热、三分钟冷，一冷她全身起鸡皮疙瘩，全身都是伤口，所以全身有如针刺，有如蚂蚁在爬；一热又开始全身流汗，变得很暴躁，暴躁到无可奈何时就气哭了。她哭着告诉我，医生说又冷又热是正常的，因为没有皮、没有神经时，无法排汗，无法对冷热进行反应，现在有一点皮了，所以在反应冷热，她的身体反应又比较迟钝，正在慢慢适应这种情形。她也告诉我，复健师说她现在笑的时候嘴巴不够大，所以她得尽量咬着扩嘴器。过了一会儿，她又因为手痛、脸痛，哭了几次。哭完又安慰自己，现在的忽冷忽热比起以前的痛已经好多啦，她要很感恩，但一下子又开始忽冷忽热，她又掉眼泪，哭完再安慰自己一样的话。
今天有一个比较振奋人心的消息，明天一早准备植第三次皮。终于，我说“终于”的原因是，第一次植皮跟第二次植皮中间间隔大约10天，第二次跟第三次应该也是差不多吧！她这几天的状况很惨，每过一天都觉得像过了好久。我一直在等第三次的到来，第三次终于要来了，可能是因为头皮也长出来了，可以再割了。
如果依照医生之前估计的，可能还有第四次及第五次。拖得越久代表没有皮的伤口越多，她越痛越好得慢，所以听到这个消息，她的心里是很高兴的，她还开玩笑明天不能摸头了。可是，她也有一点点害怕，因为她记得刚植完皮是非常非常痛的，她印象中那个痛是另一个世界的痛，不过，等植皮等好久了，该来的还是要来。
她睡觉前又排了一次便，排了很多，花了一个小时，可能因为之前逼自己吃太多东西而排便不顺的关系吧。我安慰她：“这是好的，身体机能慢慢正常啰！”她睡前问我：“是不是半年后她就可以正常生活、正常工作啦？那可以用短发见人吗？”我说：“可以啊，短发很好啊，难得你一生中有机会留短发。”
今早任妈短信告诉我没有植皮。傍晚到了医院，任爸告诉我她今天的状况：“她下午非常沮丧，大哭了两个小时，护士安慰她安慰了两个小时。早上本来要植皮的，医生也把她刚长出来的一点点头发剃光了，但是因为医生发现她的伤口在长皮，且头皮太薄不够厚，所以临时决定先不植皮，让她再长点皮，也等她的头皮长厚一点。同时，又插了一根管子：鼻胃管，直接从鼻子进去通到胃里，强制灌牛奶。鼻肠管才刚拔掉没多久，为了加速生长、加强营养，医生决定还是要强制补充营养。这次改插鼻胃管的原因是，鼻肠管太细了，经常堵住，所以换粗一点的鼻胃管。她从手术房出来，发现头没有包起来才知道没植皮，所以又要等了。加上难受的鼻胃管又插上了，再加上这次医生没有用人工敷料盖伤口，而是用药膏抹伤口，新形态的疼痛又出现，沮丧到一个顶点。”
我见到她时，其实她下午已经发泄过一轮了。她有点像小和尚，她的头光亮，头上取皮部分红红的，刀口清晰可见。她的脸黑红黑红的，肿肿的，亮红的头与黑红的脸形成明显对比。她的左手纱布整个拆掉后，我看到了左手肘的伤，红红凸凸的一片。吃完饭后，她有气无力地跟我说了一遍白天的情形。本来昨晚睡得很不错，又要植皮很开心的，结果是这样，心情跌到谷底，下午复健课程变得好多了，她都意兴阑珊了。她有点想哭但故作坚强，重复告诉我她的双腿非常痛，是不一样的痛，吗啡又没有用了。我安慰她，其实这是好消息：“自己长出来的皮总比补的皮好吧，而且植皮越少将来疤也越少！”
八九点她突然喊累，后来，竟然就发烧了，又回到之前体温变化睡睡醒醒的循环中，持续了一个小时。10点醒来放声痛哭，是我至今见到哭得最惨的一次，她很泄气，又有不同的痛了，发烧，难受，脸很绷，上半身很冷，手很痛，双腿更痛，还带着灼热的感觉！她一直哭，哭得很凄厉，擤鼻涕擤得鼻子很痛，她那种哭法我找不到文字形容。
她哭喊：“我对人很好啊！我为什么变成这样？我为什么变成一个大光头？我的脸为什么红肿？我的手脚为什么白白红红的？为什么变成这样？”我不知道怎么安慰她：“没办法，遇到啦，现在比之前好很多啦！”我的安慰完全没有用。她再哭喊：“可是这不是我要的，这不是我选的，为什么？我对人家很好啊，为什么是我？一切本来很好啊，难道是我太幸福了吗？一切本来都很好啊，我拍了四天都很顺利啊！”护士静静地听，安慰她哭出来，后来护士也安慰到无语。
我说：“没有人会选择被烧伤，没有人想要这样。”我看着她，想着她过去、现在、将来要承受的心理、生理的折磨，我也不甘，我也不愿接受，我也想不透为什么她会遇到这种无法弥补的伤害，最后，我跟着她一起哭。
如果，眼眶湿润、掉几滴泪这种不算，我上一次大哭好像是10月25日的白天，回到台湾的第一天，因为上班时同事关心，我讲一讲忍住，跑到厕所去哭。
她哭了半小时，全身湿透床单湿透，我得出去一下让护士换床单、换衣服。回来时她情绪较平稳，她居然跟我说：“我想了一下，其实烧伤发生在我身上比较好。”我顿时傻住，不懂她在说什么。她说：“这么多人关心我、照顾我，如果发生在替身身上，可能受到的待遇会比我糟吧？”
I was stunned.一回神我接着问她：“有替身吗？有替身为什么危险镜头是你自己来？”她说：“有啊，不过她不是武术替身，她是一个外形、背影跟我很像的人，拍戏四天来，一天到晚跟着我，揣摩我的动作。如果我回台湾主持节目，剧组赶戏会用她来补拍一些我的背影或远镜头。”我悲愤莫名但忍住了，之前的声明不是说“有替身、有水……”我没有讲出来，怕她听了生气。
回家看到任爸的微博，提到今天她因表现良好，医生奖励她所以让她喝了10毫升的可乐。我看了觉得超级委屈，她哪里是这么轻松平常，任爸，您的伟大也太异于常人了吧！我真的不懂这样的报喜对我们的好处在哪里？事实上她是崩溃的、很惨的，但明天报纸却会是轻松的。
最近的报道都是她可以坐轮椅了、拆纱布了、脸露出来了、三分头像军人很可爱、我喊她是偶像关公、喝可乐了，我不懂为什么我们需要这个样子，她根本很惨。
我睡前告诉自己：“任爸比我更痛心，他有他的理由。”
今天，她大体上情绪好一点，笑笑地练习“阿伊屋ㄟ喔”（日语），认真地练习握拳。她还是忽冷忽热，双腿还是因为新的药膏很痛，她大致跟我描述一下为什么新的药膏比较痛，因为人工敷料有皮的作用，用药膏抹等于没有皮，伤口直接露出来。她接受了昨天没有植皮的事实，她接受了又插上鼻胃管的事实。医生、护士鼓励她过几天植皮对她是更好的，任爸也鼓励她要释怀。到目前为止，只有坚强的任爸一直劝大家释怀，因为只能释怀，面对现在活在当下。我知道任妈没有释怀，我知道我也没有释怀，还有很多亲友，甚至歌迷及关心她的大众也没有释怀，走不出来，大家不停地问自己：为什么会这样？我们做错了什么事吗？为什么要释怀？
Hebe从外地工作回来了，得了肠胃炎拉了好几天，所以没有来医院。我听说她生病后，发了个短信给她：“请保重！”她回我：“一定要赶快好起来，实在太想念我老婆了！”我把这个短信给Selina看，她看着短信自言自语：“我也是。”今天，在灼伤中心外面又遇到几个歌迷徘徊，我跟他们说：“不是我要赶你们走，是Selina，她说你们在这边有点浪费时间，不要影响自己的生活，她会加油的。”他们很可爱，告诉我他们没有浪费时间，他们带书过来医院看，只要我转交卡片，他们就走。我当然转交了，我还念给她听，她听了一直傻笑。
她淡淡地告诉我，她看过她自己的脸、手跟腿，腿是一格一格的，将来不会是漂亮的，从来没想过自己会变成这样子，讲着讲着就哭了起来：“我真的没有这么勇敢，之前太痛了没有心情想这些，我好像是一个很特别的人，我还不到30岁，以后怎么办？为什么？人生很妙，我们只能把握当下，对不对？因为不知道意外何时发生。”她讲着讲着，电视上的颁奖典礼传来谭咏麟唱《新不了情》的歌声，她似乎分了神，就跟着哼唱了起来。我说：“我有印象你上哪个节目有唱过这首歌。”她说：“好像有吧。”
看她的情绪好像有些好转，我拿出了一堆理由安慰她：“这54%的新皮也是你的皮啊，只是跟46%的皮来的时间不一样，只不过先来后到罢了，都是你的皮，就算不甚满意也要一视同仁。好比，有的人眼睛小，有的