Chapter 13 1899

Set off for La Roque for the first time with Griffin.Stayed there for two days; visited Formandan Castle, which Griffin intends to buy.I returned to Paris with him out of apprehension: Madeleine was not very well when I left, and when I came back I found her almost ill: severe laryngitis.Another full week passed by the time we could start.I took the opportunity to send my book. I leave on June 26th.Madeleine left two days before me. ——My way of life has to be changed anyway; I immediately practice it, but it also achieves the goal.No more exciting things, just a glass of water at the dinner table.Smoking very little - arguably none - at all costs to preserve the serenity of the senses.When I go out, the main consideration is to get some fresh air, and I pull back hard with my shoulders.

Try to write, but every step is difficult.This diary was written on July 22nd, and it was only yesterday that I wrote the first act of "King Candor". (A "Letter to Angel", two or three drafts.) I was not much disturbed by others.Madeleine and I, we finished Manon Lescaut, the first part of Gil Blas.Valentine and Charles arrive and leave the child behind.Jana brought Domi and Marcel didn't arrive until 11am, which made us worry for a while.After a talk on socialism, Marcel related to me his thesis.We read Nietzsche's fragments.Edward also came to stay for two days.After he's gone (Marcel), I'm having a bit of a hard time getting back into writing... Ha!We played a game of chess, what a wonderful game.

Lida has been here almost a week.My piano is failing.I have learned the score of "Chromatic Fugue" and reviewed "Rhapsody in C Minor". It is extremely difficult to play evenly without losing roughness; I have played a lot of scales, but I have paid so much attention to get little gain; this kind of situation is also rare .The piano is extremely inaccurate. ...Last night, "Saul" was recited aloud again (the first two scenes). — Definitely squeeze the scene between the queen and the archmage. I was writing "Prince Condor" on the train to Trouville, regretting that I should not have accepted Gaion's suggestion, and the first act was cut in several places.The third-class carriage was packed to the brim, and someone was spitting on the ground.Hateful.

Gaion was waiting for me at the Trouville station.The sky resounded clear; we wandered a while, till at ten o'clock the post-coach departed for Villeville.We sat on the top floor and tried to keep the fresh shrimp I brought to Mrs. Wang Rong in the shade.From Villeville to Niuwan, you have to walk in the sun. Delicious lunch; mussels, etc.At the beginning of the afternoon, there was a lot of talk, and then, it really aroused strong interest: Everyone talked about childhood memories, and I was reluctant to leave.We're under the apple tree in the farmyard at Motor Cottage.Mrs. Wang Rong recounted the events back then: The brother and sister fell in love with each other passionately when they were young.One day, little Mary refused to eat, and her father scolded her. Little Henry was immediately annoyed, and cried, and rushed to his father, crying, "I won't let you bully this pretty little girl!"

We are finally going.Villeville's stagecoach leaves in five minutes, but Gaion would have me believe it would be quicker on foot.So we decided to go back to Trouville from the beach.The water is low, and the ebb tide reveals large flat rocks covered with turquoise seaweed.The sun was shining brightly, and people were so hot that their bodies were about to burst. We went to Trouville, in a state of great excitement, ready to do all sorts of absurdities; and the idea of ​​being able to resume a long job the next day made us all the happier. On the diving boards at the beach, in front of the pier, in the Eden Amusement Hall, we found no lovely faces, only gaudy and obnoxious fools.

Coppey, famous for his melodramas...fame spread.Now the tide was high again, and the water was almost full.I suggested to Gaion that we eat ice cream on the terrace of a cafe near the Eden Amusement Hall. "Drink your first absinthe, or you'll never have it," Gaion said.But I was still a little worried, so I excused my stomach ache, and ordered a glass of Turin wine, knowing that drinking it would definitely have a maintenance effect.Intoxicated by the wine, the words, the songs, the splendor and the weather, I wrote to Roire who left us yesterday.Gaion let me taste his absinthe, and it was delicious.Carousel gambling is not interesting at all, and I don't want to play at all.The evening scenery is splendid.When it got dark, we didn't think about eating.Find a restaurant for 2.5 francs each; dine on the terrace of a bistro; see interesting or charming faces passing by on Quay Street.We notice a little sailor in a red shirt—in other words, we notice the little sailor's red shirt.

Beer was good with this dinner.Gaion drank cider.We're getting a little crazy.We had the conger eel and the rest were good, just average home cooking. The night is full of lights, the seawall is full of people, and the night view of Trouville is really wonderful; the white spherical lights of the Grand Hotel; the arcades of the entertainment hall. ... The moon was full yesterday, and it is still very bright tonight, and the sea is covered with a clear light-some ships are at anchor, others are moving; the night is deep and clear, full of life.The shows on the promenade were nothing to watch, only bawdy, cunning, and dangerous.We walked to the carousel casino.Soon I made my bets, followed the crowd cautiously, lost four francs, won them back, and lost them again, without being particularly excited.The bookie was opposite me, and he won a lot; so, willingly, I let him go, and immediately shared his luck; but he bet five francs, and I bet one.Gaon leaned over, I shouldn't have told him I was following someone.He always spoke four times louder than others, and immediately asked who I was.A partner of the registrar was next to me. Hearing what we said, the two of them exchanged glances, and the registrar stopped the bet.I bet myself and started losing money again.let's go out.The casino just kicked out a guy: a decent gentleman, yelling under the arcade.We went back to the casino; I placed my bet at the roulette wheel again, thinking that on the wheel the names of the small Normandy ports at the foot of a lighthouse would give luck.I won the bet, got bolder, won again, and won a lot.At last I stopped with twenty-five francs in my pocket.

The party went on, however, and I stubbornly bet on the same square, losing yet another franc.As soon as I stopped betting, the square came out several times.It was late, the promenade was almost empty, and there was no face that attracted me.We walked up the seawall; now the moon sees the Took River: in the midst of thick palisade jetties flows wonderfully in silver waves.It was almost one o'clock in the morning, and it was best to find a room. We wanted to look for it on Dock Street. We walked along the street and passed a night restaurant. We saw people crowded and lively, so we decided to have a glass of beer after booking a room. .I put down a pair of shoes and a copy of Yam's poems on fine ruled paper: "The Naked Girl" as a guarantee of a room reservation, and we returned to the Kalisaya Hotel.It was full of foreigners, we suspected they were from the Argentine Republic, or thereabouts; homosexuals, casino gangsters, rascals.They overeat.Chilled wine.Waiting for a long time for nothing - waiting for nothing.We were quite tired and wanted to go back to sleep. When we walked to the corner of the street, we saw a young sailor who seemed to be waiting. What are you waiting for? — We walked over, turned around again, and saw that there were three of them; walking again, they seemed to be quite young.consternation!It was the boy in the red shirt; and one of the other two was fine.We walked up the embankment again, now following them, now ahead of them; at last we fell into conversation.They had shovels and a basket and they were trying to catch the tentacle, but the water was still at high tide, or so it was, and it was two hours before the tide really went out, and it didn't run out until five-thirty or six.

What are they going to do during this time?They say lie on the sand.We just thought: Be with them.Cigarettes were handed.Everyone sat on a bench on the embankment.Cool at night and close together.It seemed that they didn't have any conflicts; the one next to Gaion didn't seem to have any conflicts at all; at first glance, it didn't look good, and they were the oldest, eighteen years old, and the most courageous.Come on fake set.He was the older brother, and wanted to send the other two away.They go and come back.Two gentlemen passed us and sat down in a nearby chair. Out of respect, we went away, we were weary.And those two gentlemen came to our place, sat in our chairs, with those two, three children... No!The children also left to join us, and they looked very annoyed like that, saying, "Braves!" We learned upon inquiry that the two gentlemen wanted to make love to the youngest, but made terms with the other two.The little brother who aroused good feelings was very angry, and immediately refuted it, saying that the sailors were better than them, and so on.

They will go down to the embankment and sleep on the sand.As we were leaving, the oldest of the three children asked us where we could meet again; We went around the pier, and according to the police, we followed them all the way to their "old nest", the hotel where they stayed, or something like that. We came back to look for those children, but they were nowhere to be seen.We scoured the beach and it is almost empty now.First, we follow our own shadow towards the big jetty, towards the Le Havre quay. Let's go, let's go—not a soul.They got lost.We turned back again; now, the night scene is very wonderful: the sea water is extremely low, and the tide recedes, leaving a large sandy beach between the moon and us. Reyer Great Salt Lake.I'm glad Gaeon got to see this vision, it showed him the Great Desert more than anything.We seek, we seek, and we grow more and more delighted in the beauty.It was past two o'clock, and we looked under the harbor jetty: perhaps they were sleeping between the embankment posts—there was no one there.We climbed the embankment again.On the stone pier, a sailor approached and asked, "What are you doing there?" Gaion was so frightened that he tried to answer in a joking tone, "Oh...we're walking."—Hey, a It was a false alarm, and it was the older child who came.He is also looking for us.We looked around cautiously, and then the three of us went down to the beach together, and all three of us lay down on a beautiful night, protected by the protruding embankment.He told us that his partner also wanted to come, that his thinking was not as strong as he had shown at first, and that he was telling his brother what he said.It's fine with us, and it's even better if we go down the causeway.Now the Took River gurgled beneath our feet.The little sailor was very happy. He was bathed in the moonlight, and he was full of sexiness. He looked really beautiful for a while.He undresses in the moonlight, his skin gray as if painted on.It was perhaps the grossest pleasure I have ever had, and the only one comparable to that enjoyed on Lake Combe on the same moonlit night; but this time it was more intense.A dark boat passed, very close, so I pretended to sleep; some women passed our heads.We lay on the sand like rocks.The boy's shamelessness astonishes us even more; when he was asked if he had any brothers, he replied: "Only a sister... oh! Too small, eight years old; it's not worth it; when she's fourteen , you can have a good time.” We were eaten and absorbed by the moonlight and the silence of the night.

We finally stood up.It is not appropriate to go back to sleep again.The man who catches the tentacle fish will arrive soon.We wander a little longer, reveling in blissful sleeplessness, in lyrical pride and admiration for all things. The three boys reappeared; it had been agreed in advance to pretend that they had never seen each other again.Lying easily will disturb my mind at any time.This big boy was still with us just now... Now he completely pretended to be nonchalant. He said he went home and slept for two hours.I don't know if it's true or not, but he seems to have developed a kind of hostility towards us.We walked a long way with them, walking towards the endless receding sea, entering this blue desert, and the more we went forward, the more beautiful the desert became.How could Madeleine and many others not come here.My joy came so violently that I almost burst into tears—we ran and shouted and told funny things and were not at all tired and clear-headed and weird and ready for all kinds of ideas. I thought to myself, how many years has it been since I have tasted such a beautiful human passion... The poem of Erpina.) The slight pleasures of the senses, by the great weariness of my body, are always able to develop and enlarge—must be obtained with great pains. The beach was so wet that we simply took off our shoes and socks.what!It's amazing!Unexpectedly, we were barefoot and felt the sea water was particularly comfortable.The water is warm and warm!Yes, it's warm, it's weird.We tell jokes like twelve year olds.I shouted in a funny voice: "Some nights, just seeing my bare feet in the sand brings happiness to my heart!" It is wonderful to be in contact with water.We rolled up our trousers, and walked into the sea.We were so far away from Trouville that the houses could not be seen clearly, but there was a wonderful scene of silvery white and light blue, with waves surging around us.Since the beach is so flat, we were able to walk quite a distance.Now we stand still, completely surrounded by the sea, dizzy with the endless surge, as if we walk on the waves and must also sway with the waves. what!Bathe in this blue water!Lying naked in these warm, slow-moving waves! The children sat in the distance.An old man walked by, he also wanted to fish. Another hour.The sea is still receding.We strode on the beach. The old man and the three boys, with the shovels on their shoulders, walked stooping now on the deserted gray sand like migrating Eskimos in the moonlight. The eastern sky finally brightened.Dawn came—and the moon, now a little less bright, was more beautiful, like pearly scales. Here came some more fishermen—thirty, fifty now.The sun gradually came between us. From October 11th to November 7th, Gide went to Ramalou (Hérault, France) to take a hot spring bath for recuperation. All my solitary periods have never been so hard; other times have strengthened me, and this one has exasperated me; other times...then, firstly, I was unmarried, and my heart was higher, and secondly, I had a piano ; with music, etudes, I can bear any kind of solitude, I have proved this to myself.In case I come to Ramalou again, even with you--no matter where I come from, I will bring a piano. I think of Neuchâtel; I go to the yellow grove by the cathedral and read Theodicy... You remember we were there together—sometimes I go up the hill until I come to that lovely forest, and I wish Ali Silk can be with us.In La Brevine, oh!It was very difficult at first, but I wrote "Palud" and memorized all of Chopin's piano etudes.In Annecy, with all my heart for you, I wrote the Notes of André Walter, and sometimes I went rowing on the lake.In Viskra, I was fascinated by Atman;—oh, I couldn't hold on, I wrote to Gaion to send him a little Bach, it doesn't matter how bad the piano is—besides, I can Recite sheet music. In the end, perhaps no loneliness like this one has ever made me stronger.