Chapter 191 Chapter 191

I'll keep it for a while, I can't finish it all at once, it's too much. Youth, my blue helmet youth. My most beautiful love era. Crooked Good - Bird! I know that in the whole world now, you are the best to me. real. Originally, my heart was numb in the wind and dust, not because of maturity, but because I was afraid of being hurt, by myself, and by others. I'm selfish, right? There is no news from you for a day, QQ is not online, and no one answers the phone, as if you disappeared from this world. My heart began to ache, it hurt so badly. It was only later that I found out that you had taken the exam, and you took the exam for a day.

Hehe, the point is not why you went there - it's why my heart hurts so much. I know, I'm done. This time it's really over. Since I was 18 years old, I have never had the feeling that I can't think of a girl—even, I have the urge to swim across the Pacific Ocean.I don't have any money, I know plane tickets are expensive, and I don't save money, you know what a fuck I am. I can only swim across. I know my body is not as good as before, but I still want to swim over. When I finish writing this novel, I will give an account of my youthful past. I'll just swim over, across the ocean, to that island of yours called Great Britain - I know I'm not being asked to code there, and I'll wash dishes, do coolies, or fix cars (I'm in the army, He's a master of cars! Don't you know?), you can do anything.

Really, I'm tired, so tired, so tired. I wouldn't be this way without writing this novel, my camouflage butterfly. I have wrapped myself up in a very thick shell, but because of writing this novel - I have torn off my shell bit by bit, exposing the most secret place of myself to the whole world, with understanding, There is sympathy, contempt, and hurt... I don't know that I am just writing a novel, why should I be hurt?Is it my bad writing?Or am I writing too well? Both of these results will be hurt. Huh, I don't know which one. I have been strong on the outside, but on my heart that was scarred and scarred, not only the old scars have been torn apart, but new wounds have also appeared.

I didn't know that writing a novel would have this kind of result. If I knew, I really wouldn't write it. If it weren't for your appearance, my novel I don't know would have ended up being a result. Really, kid you not. I was just writing a novel, and there was hurt everywhere, and I was sad, really sad—did I hurt anyone?Or insult anyone?Why do you treat me like this?Why treat a novel like this?Are the Chinese really like this?If you don't do it yourself, you like to find faults with others? ——I scolded people, scolded people with tearing faces. In fact, my heart is really because of grievance and sadness.

My youth, I tell my youth, my past little by little here, I don’t need anyone’s sympathy and understanding, I just want to tell it, I just want to vent—why treat me like this ?My camouflage butterfly, you know?I really don't know why this is happening. Is it to prove that I am smart, or to prove that I am inferior? What's the point? Am I just venting my feelings? I really couldn't stand it any longer. Although I was swearing more and more fiercely, the more fierce I was, the more vain my resistance was—really, you know me, I've always been a calm person, huh?How can you scold people?

Because, I can't resist it. I really couldn't resist it anymore. For the first time, I felt that I should not tear off my disguise in this secular society, this shitty world.The price of sincerity is to be hurt, nothing else. I can't stand it any longer. real. —But here you are. Why are you here? Why are you here now? I think it's still the truth I learned when I was a soldier-this is life. So you came, and I felt you. I know that you have been silently caring about me, caring about me in the past, you want to know what kind of person you once loved; caring about me now, you know that I don’t get angry easily, and I get angry more and more The frequent reason is that I am becoming more and more vulnerable now—in my own words, I am alive again.

You just show up. You can't stop showing up because you know I need to care. You had to show up because you knew I needed reassurance. And you, among my readers, know me best—although you don’t know my past, you still know my present, after all, we were in love—really, I just now realize that I was actually in love Yours is not the shadow of loving another girl. So, love comes to you and me again and in our hearts. I hurt you cruelly in the last section, I know you cried. Now I tell you, I'll swim to you. I didn't have money for a plane ticket, so I just swam there. Death is death swimming to you.

The past Xiaozhuang spread out with the extension of memory, and came back to life again. I made a decision. Swim to find you. Wait until I finish writing this novel. We will live in peace and quiet.