Chapter 34 8. Relationship

When talking about interpersonal relationships in China, the most mentioned is human affection: what is latent is human affection, and what is on the surface is called face.We usually say, who has face with whom, who gives face to whom, who talks to whom has face, and why someone can help whom is because of face with him.The word "face" in Chinese refers to superficial vanity and affection between people.It is used so frequently in social life that when foreign missionaries, travelers, journalists, and diplomats entered China 100 years ago, the first thing they learned was the word "face" and the corresponding behavior behind it.

At the beginning of the 20th century, an American once wrote: "In order to understand the meaning of 'face' as best as we can, we must pay attention to the fact that, as a people, the Chinese have a strong instinct for acting …When encountering some situations, they immediately enter the role, completely imitating the appearance in the play, bowing, kneeling and kowtowing, and muttering words…The problem of Chinese people is never a matter of fact, but a matter of form. In short, face is the key to understanding China The key to a series of complex human problems. If we say that there are still many hidden locks in Chinese characteristics that have not been opened by us, then 'face' is the golden key to unlock these hidden locks."

Westerners' understanding of "face" is: one of my actions will make the other party feel honored, which is called giving the other party face.On the contrary, if a certain behavior of the other party makes me very unseemly or brings me negative evaluation, this is called loss of face.This explanation is rather limited.Many sociologists are also very interested in the study of "face". For example, Taiwan scholar Huang Guangguo's "Face: Chinese Power Game" and mainland scholar Zhai Xuewei's "Reproduction of Human Feelings, Face and Power" both have a comparative analysis of "face". Deep research.According to the definition of the word "face" by these sociologists, especially social psychologists, face is A's positive evaluation of B in front of everyone, so that B gets a positive glory.In fact, the most important thing is the relationship between A and B. It must be open and there must be other people present.There are two ways of this kind of positive evaluation, one is to tout someone's talent and family status, the other is to tout someone's appearance and wealth, and so on.

There are three important roles in the core operation mode of face, witness, giver and receiver.The heavier the weight of the parties (present or witnesses), the more face this positive evaluation brings, and vice versa.For example, if Zhang Yimou praised Zhang Ziyi in front of Li An, Zhang Ziyi's face would be maximized; if Zhang Yimou praised Zhang Ziyi to a criminal, Li An might think that Zhang Yimou was crazy, and Zhang Ziyi would lose face.If a person with a humble status is belittled in front of some people with high status, the negative effects will be maximized. In addition to losing face, there may even be resentment.

In addition, the number of recipients, status, and closeness to witnesses also affect the satisfaction and honor of face.If I praise you in front of many acquaintances, and these acquaintances are high-ranking, the satisfaction of bringing you face will reach its peak, and this satisfaction may allow you to return it in other ways at some time or occasion in the future. I.Shaanxi people are very simple, and they often say a word: When you show respect to people, it actually means to save face. What's under the covers?In fact, it is a kind of human interaction, that is, giving and returning.Face is very interesting. Only when face and human feelings are combined can one feel like a fish in water.Face is a pass between acquaintances, it is not only a guarantee, but also the most important means of benefit exchange.With face, the favor between people can be stored and transferred (transferred).One way to save face is to give gifts, which will be given to you every year and festival, for ten or twenty years.In the end, this favor will be deposited with you, and I can withdraw it all at once.When I ask you to do something, I will let you do a big thing.This is the storage of favor.

Face and favor can also be converted.Because I keep praising you in front of everyone, and then give you gifts, so I accumulate face with you; then I can ask you to help other people I want to help, and this face is transformed.Because I give you enough respect and positive honor and evaluation (I give you face), it also makes you feel that you should give me a positive evaluation (Give me face), when I make any request, you will give back .The rewards are not necessarily equal in value. It may be that a friend of mine is traveling to your place, and please receive them. This is also called a reward.Because of your high position and authority, I made such a request. You can receive my friends in front of others according to the model I just had, and say good things about me in front of friends, which means that I have face again. So converted.For example, a certain boss in Henan told me through a local old Hu that he wanted to go to Harbin.As a result, this matter was settled, Lao Hu had face with me, I had face with Brother Feng, and Brother Liu gave Brother Feng face.In the end, everyone was very comfortable, which means that person touted Lao Hu's ability, Lao Hu touted my ability, I touted Brother Feng, and Brother Feng touted Brother Liu's ability, and the face was turned around and transferred to each other , storage, return.

Westerners are rational people, while Chinese are emotional people, emotional people, relational people, and face-saving people.If in the West, this matter is very simple, how much money you need to travel, you can just pay the travel agency; but in China, this kind of tossing around not only saves money for the travel agency, but also creates a close relationship between people. Interact and build good relationships. In a society of human relations and face-saving, there is a fixed pattern of mutual reciprocation of human relations.Throughout the ages, there has been a tradition in Chinese interpersonal relationships: emphasizing role-based relationships.The so-called role-based relationship incorporates the relationship between people into a rule of the game. We used to call this role five relationships, that is, father and son, husband and wife, brother, monarch and minister, and friend.For these five pairs of relationships, there is a whole set of requirements to teach people how to do it.Everyone knows that fathers are kind and sons are filial; husbands and wives are gentle, husbands should be harmonious and tolerant, wives should be submissive and gentle; Benevolent, ministers must be loyal; friends believe in reciprocity, trust and help each other.These five relationships are interdependent, interdependent, and mutually rewarding.In this process, heart-to-heart is the model for maintaining harmony in Chinese interpersonal relationships.You have to give others face, and others will give you face.If you help others, others will help you.

The Chinese divide human relationships into three types. One is called family relationship, which is the core layer.There are no conditions for the protection of rights and interests in family relationships, and there is no return.When the family relationship is not good, of course there will be depression, anxiety, anger, and hostility, but it is more of patience, because family ugliness cannot be exposed. The second level of relationship is that of acquaintances, such as classmates, neighbors, colleagues, and fellow villagers.The acquaintance relationship has some expectations for the return of favors, and will be accommodating but also conditional.Family relationships are unconditional, and family members even cover up crimes.There are conditions between acquaintances. If an acquaintance commits a crime, do you want to cover it?This acquaintance may have to think about it.

The third level of relationship is also the relationship between strangers that is least involved in Chinese culture.Business is the characteristic of the relationship between strangers.Strangers often don't give any care, only care about interests, have the highest requirements for rewards and benefits, without any trust and flexibility, this is the relationship between strangers. The three-layer relationship about human face can produce many subtle mysteries through different permutations and combinations.The family relationship transcends the system and the rules, with the greatest face and the highest favor; the acquaintance relationship has choices and conditions, sometimes it is easy to use, and sometimes it is not; the stranger relationship has the least favor, the least face, and the most rules.

Generally speaking, a private enterprise doing business under the background of Chinese culture cannot break away from the Chinese people's interpersonal relationship model.When the external legal system is not perfect, we turn more to our acquaintances, and turn to others to give us face; in order to let others give us face, we give others face; by giving others face in exchange for others to give us face, we finally gain others support.Behind face is favor, and behind favor is the operation rules of power and interests.Therefore, private enterprises pay special attention to these relationship resources, constantly turning strangers into mature people, and turning acquaintances into family members as much as possible, so as to shorten the distance, gain support from others, and constantly surpass the rules and give flexibility.When the system is relatively rigid, this kind of flexibility means our rebellion and disintegration of the old system and the innovation of new things.Therefore, the growth process of private enterprises has always paid special attention to face and human relations. This is due to the reasons of Chinese cultural traditions and the actual need to break through the unreasonable constraints of the real system.