Chapter 13 Chapter Twelve

Ruddy armed herself and looked up into Lord Randyll's face.Time has changed him so much that it seems like ten years have passed instead of just two years.He was unusually pale, with a complexion like sun-bleached bones, contrasted by bushy eyebrows and dark eyes.Lines caused by pain divided his face into several angular areas. Ruddy knew that one day she would meet Lord Randyll.She had always thought in her heart that he would look at her with hatred.But, now, what was in his eyes was even more alarming.Hunger, a greed that has nothing to do with sex, but is stronger.She intuitively understood that her departure only deepened his desire to have her, and her betrayal gave him more determination to be an executioner.

"My lord." Her voice was steady even though her lips were trembling. "This is too much, please let go of my hand." Ignoring her pleas, Lord Randyll pulled her behind the greenery-decorated column, his fingers gripping her wrists hard enough to bruise.Lodi followed him obediently, determined not to let the ugly past play a joke here, so as not to spoil the evening that was so important to her husband.It was ridiculous that she should feel so scared in a room with so many people.It is absolutely impossible and will not be possible for Lord Randyll to hurt her here.But if they were alone, she was sure he would have felt justified in putting his long thin fingers around her neck and keeping her breathless forever.

His eyes tear her apart. "My God, what has he made of you? I can even smell the lust in you. You had a little upbringing that set you apart from the rough country folks back home, and now even that little Upbringing is completely gone." "In that case," Ruddy replied, clenching her grasped hand into a fist. "You should break away from me immediately, why should you be polluted by me?" "Stupid girl," whispered Lord Randyll, dark eyes with a hard fire. "You don't yet understand what you've lost. Do you know what you would be without me? Nothing. I created you, I pulled you up from the bottom of society, I turned you into a Elegant and perfect woman. But you betrayed me and your family."

"I didn't ask you to help me." "Even so, you should still kneel down and thank me. Everything you have is given to you, Ruodi. Including your life." Ruo Di felt that it was pointless to continue arguing with him inexplicably. "Whatever you want," she said softly. "I belong to Lord Xin now, and you have no rights at all." The corners of his mouth twisted, and he sneered maliciously. "My rights go far beyond those useless wedding vows." "You don't hypnotize yourself that I can be bought with money like an item in a store?" she asked contemptuously.

"I own your soul," whispered Lord Randyll, gripping her wrist until she felt her bones snap and the pain brought tears to her eyes. "I sacrificed myself to buy you. I have invested more than ten years in you, and now it is time for you to pay me back." "How do I repay you? I'm already another man's wife. And I don't feel anything about you—no fear, no hatred—just that you have nothing to do with me. How do you think I can make it up to you? ?” Just when Ruodi thought that his hand was about to be broken, a roar came from behind.It was Nick, walking quickly between them.His hand appeared suddenly, and before Lord Randyll could see what he had done, Lord Randyll let go of hers with a low cry of pain.He let go suddenly and Lotte fell backwards suddenly, but Nick caught her with his chest.She automatically entered his arms and listened to him talking to Lord Randyll.

"Don't get close to her, or I will kill you." He stated the facts. "Shameless pig," said Lord Randyll hoarsely. Roddy ventured a glance at Lord Randyll from the safety of her husband's arms, and she saw a purple-gray break in his pale face.Seeing Nick's hands on her was clearly overwhelming him.Nick, provoking him on purpose, put his hand on the nape of her neck and slid down her spine. "Very well," whispered Lord Randyll. "I'll let you continue to fall, Ruodi." "Go away," Nick said. "Now." Lord Randyll walked away slowly, like a deposed king, stiff with rage.

Holding her aching wrist with the other hand, Ruodi saw that they attracted the curious eyes of some people passing the corridor.In fact, some people in the ballroom were already aware of the incident. "Nick—" she murmured, but he had already made a move. With one arm around her, Nick directed the servant who passed by with a tray of empty wine glasses. "You," he said briefly. "come here." A dark-haired servant came over immediately. "Yes, my lord." "Tell me where I can find a secret room." The servant thought quickly. "If you go down this hallway, you'll see a music room, and I don't think there's anyone there at the moment."

"Very well. Get some brandy over there, quick." "Yes, my lord!" Lotte followed Nick down the corridor dazedly, mind full of confused thoughts, as the elegant din of the ballroom slowly died down behind them.A strange sense of readiness filled her body, nauseated, tense, angry, and relieved by the frighteningly long confrontation with Lord Randyll.But how is it possible to feel so many at the same time? The music room was dimly lit, and the silhouettes of pianos, harps, and various musical instruments formed countless shadows on the wall.Nick closed the door and turned to face Lotte, his broad shoulders casting a shadow over her.She had never seen such a stern expression.

"I'm fine." Ruo Di said, the abnormal high-pitched voice made herself giggle. "Really, you don't have to—" Another uncontrollable laugh stopped her, and she figured Nick must have thought she was freaking out.Nor can she fully explain the intense sense of freedom that now fills her heart after facing her greatest fear. "I'm sorry," she said lightly, even though tears of relief were already in her eyes. "It's just... I've been afraid of Lord Randyll all my life... But when I saw him just now, I found that he no longer has any influence on me. He can't do anything to me. I don't feel that I am I owe him something...and I don't even feel guilty. The weight in my heart is gone, there's still fear, and it's a weird feeling..."

Nick took her in his arms and tried to comfort her as she laughed shakyly and wiped her eyes with gloved fingers. "Relax...Relax..." he whispered, his hands gently stroking her shoulders and back. "Take a deep breath. Shhh, it's okay." His warm mouth kissed her forehead, tear-wet eyelashes and cheek. "You are safe, Lotte. You are mine, my wife, and I will take care of you. You are safe." Just as Lodi was trying to explain that she wasn't afraid, he whispered to her to keep quiet and lean against him to rest.She began to breathe deeply, as if she had just stopped after a long run, and rested her head on his chest.Nick took off his gloves and placed his warm hands on her cold cheeks, his strong fingers gently rubbing her neck and the stiff muscles in her shoulders.

At this time, there was a knock on the door. "Brandy," Nick whispered to Lotte, leading her to the couch. Roddy sat down on the sofa and heard the servant thank Nick when he tipped him a crown.Nick returned with a tray with a bottle of wine and a glass on it, and placed the tray on the table next to him. "I don't need that," Lodi said with a weak smile. Ignoring her words, Nick poured some brandy into the glass and held the glass between his palms.After warming the wine with the heat of his palm, he brought the glass to her. "Drink it." Ruodi obediently took the wine glass, and was surprised to find that the hand holding the wine glass was shaking so badly that she could barely hold the wine glass.Seeing her situation, Nick's face sank, and he squatted down in front of her, with his strong thighs resting on both sides of her legs, his fingers surrounded hers, and Nick held her hand to help her bring the wine glass to her lips.She took a sip, grimacing as the spicy brandy slid down her throat. "Drink more," Nick whispered, forcing her to drink more until her eyes filled with tears from the hot brandy. "I think the wine has gone bad," she said hoarsely. Nick's eyes suddenly filled with interest. "It hasn't spoiled. It's Fin Bois in '98." "The quality of the grapes must have been bad that year." That made Nick grin, his thumb stroking the back of her hand. "Well, you should tell the wine merchant that, because the wine usually costs fifty pounds a bottle." "Fifty pounds?" repeated Lotte, in astonishment.Closing her eyes, she drank the wine in several sips in one go, and coughed to bring him the empty glass. "Good girl," Nick whispered, sliding a hand up the nape of her neck and squeezing it tenderly.She couldn't help thinking that Nick's hands were bigger and stronger than Lord Randyll's, but he never caused her pain.Nick's touch could only please her. When she put her aching hand on the armrest, she couldn't help but wince.Nick noticed this subtle movement right away.Cursing under his breath, he took her arm and pulled off the gauntlet. "Nothing," said Roddy. "Really, I didn't want to take the gloves off... Lord Randyll took my hand, but it wasn't so—" She gasped in pain as Nick took off her gloves. Nick was stunned when he saw the black finger marks Lord Randyll had left on her hand.A murderous anger appeared on his face, making Ruodi startled vigilantly. "I bruise easily," she said. "You don't make that look. The marks will disappear in a day or two, and then—" "I'm going to kill him!" Nick said angrily through gritted teeth. "After I finish him off, there will only be a stain left on the ground, telling him to go to the eighteenth floor of hell, and he will never be reborn—" "Don't do this." Ruodi placed her soft hand on his stiff cheek. "Lord Randyll just wanted to spoil the night, and I won't let him. I want you to wrap my handkerchief around my wrist and put my gloves back on. We must get back quickly before anyone notices that we are missing. At the ball. Sir Rock is going to make a speech, and we—” "I don't care at all." "I care." Regaining her composure, Ruodi stroked his cheek with her soft fingertips. "I want to go out and dance a waltz with you. Be by your side when Sir Rose announces your true identity." She looked down at his mouth. "Then, I want you to take me home and put me to bed." Nick was briefly distracted, as Lodi intended.His brutal eyes softened. "And then what?" Before she could speak, the door shook with a firm knock. "John." A muffled voice came from the other side of the door. "Here we go," Nick said, standing up. Sir Ruoshi's tall body stood by the door, looking at the two of them expressionlessly. "I was told Lord Randyll was at the ball." He walked straight up to Lotte, squatting in front of her like Nick.Seeing her bruised hand, Sir Ruoshi carefully pointed to the bruise. "Can I see it?" His voice was softer than he had heard before. "Yes." Ruodi whispered, letting him take her hand.Sir Ruoshi frowned deeply and inspected his severely bruised wrist.His face was very close, his gray eyes were full of kindness and concern, and Ruddy couldn't help wondering how she could think he was a very cold person.She remembered that he was famous for his compassion for women and children - Sophie had said that was the most noticeable focus of his career as sheriff. Putting down her hand, a faint comforting smile appeared on Sir Ruoshi's mouth. "It won't happen again - I can assure you." "Great party," Nick said sarcastically. "Perhaps you can tell us who put Lord Randyll on the guest list?" "Nick," Lotte said beseechingly. "It's all right, I'm sure Sir Ruoshi didn't—" "It's very relevant," Sir Ruoshi retorted in a low voice. "I consider myself responsible, and I must ask your forgiveness, Roddy. Lord Randyll is definitely not on the guest list I've seen, but I'll find out exactly how he got the invitation." He frowned. Mei continued: "Lord Randyll's behavior tonight is very irrational and should be condemned... This also means that his infatuation with Ruddy is unlikely to end because of this incident." "Oh, it's definitely over," Nick said darkly. "I have many ways of curing Lord Randyll's infatuation. First, if he's not gone by the time I get back to the ball—" "He's gone," said Sir Rock. "Two detectives were at the ball - I asked them to let him go as unobtrusively as possible. Calm down, John - it's not doing you any good to run around like a rabid bull." Nick narrowed his eyes. "Tell me, how calm can you be if someone gets bruises on Sophie too?" Sir Ruoshi nodded with a sigh. "That makes sense." His dark eyebrows twitched and he went on: "You are obviously entitled to use your methods against Lord Randyll, John, and I will not stop you, or interfere in any way. But , you should understand that I intend to deal with him personally, and explain to him that Ruddy is under my protection as well as yours. If Lord Randyll dares to hurt my family, I will not be able to control my family. anger." Ruo Di was moved by his concern.She had never imagined that there would be two men of such power to protect her from Lord Randyll - not just her husband but her brother-in-law. "Thank you, Sir Rock." "No one will blame you if you want to go home now," he told her. "As for the speech I am planning to deliver, there may be other alternatives—" "I'm not going anywhere," Ruodi said firmly. "And if you don't give a speech tonight, Sir Rock, I swear I'll do it for you." He suddenly smiled. "Well, then. I don't want to disappoint you." He looked at Nick questioningly. "Are you going to be back in the ballroom anytime soon?" Nick twisted his mouth. "If Ruodi wants to go back." "Yes." She said firmly.While her wrist still hurts, she's ready for the worst.She saw the two gentlemen exchange a look, quietly agreeing to find a more appropriate time to discuss Lord Randyll. Sir Ruoshi left first so that they could be alone for a while, while Ruodi stood resolutely.Nick was at her side in an instant, putting his arms around her waist as if afraid she might fall.Lodi smiled at his overprotection. "I'm fine now," she told him. "real." She waited for the familiar mocking look in Nick's eyes, but he remained tense, looking into her face with uncharacteristically serious eyes.Looked like he wanted to wrap her in wool and carry her out of here. "You're going to stay with me the rest of the time," he told her. Ruo Di tilted her head back a little and smiled at him. "That's the only way to go. That glass of brandy seems to have begun to affect my thinking." His eyes lit up with passion, and one hand slid up to wrap around her chest. "Are you feeling dizzy?" She relaxed with the strength of his fingers holding her, his touch releasing lust from the sensitive body.She almost forgot about the pain in her wrist, and her nerves twitched wildly as his thumb teased and firmed the nipple. "Only if you touch me like this." Finishing the sultry caress with a gentle rub of his palms, Nick put his hands in a safer range. "I hope this damn night is over," he said. "Come on, the sooner we get out, the sooner Ruo Shi can deliver that damn speech." She held out her hand, and when he slipped the too tight glove back on her swollen wrist, Roddie tried not to flinch.When he finally put the gloves on, Ruddy was very pale and Nick kept cursing as if he was the one who felt the pain. "Damn Randyll," he said angrily, pouring her another brandy. "I'm going to slit his throat." "I know there's one thing that would hurt him more than breaking his throat." Ruodi carefully picked up a folded handkerchief and wiped his sweaty eyebrows. "Oh?" He raised his eyebrows and asked sarcastically. She squeezed the handkerchief into a ball.Before answering, she paused for a long time!Because a wave of hope welled up her throat and nearly choked her.Taking the brandy in his hand, she took a sip of wine. "We can live happily ever after together," she said. "It's a feeling he'll never understand ... and a feeling he'll never have." She didn't have the courage to look at him for fear of seeing mockery or rejection in his eyes.But when she felt his mouth on the top of her head, his lips playing with the white rose petals in her braid, her heart beat like a deer. "We can try it." He agreed softly. Two glasses of brandy made Roddy feel a little giddy, so she was grateful to Nick for leading her steadily back to the ballroom.The strength of his hard arms fascinated her.No matter how hard she leans on, it can easily support her.He was a strong man...but, until tonight, she had never thought that he could give her such gentle comfort.And somehow, she felt, even he hadn't noticed it himself.None of their reactions were thought-through—she turned to him without thinking, and he gave her reassuring reassurance without thinking. They walked into the ballroom and walked towards Sir Ruoshi.Standing on a temporary podium so that everyone in the ballroom could see him, Sir Ruoshi signaled the orchestra to stop playing and asked the guests to focus on it.He has an elegant, authoritative voice that any politician would envy.Then, as expected, the entire ballroom fell silent, and at the same time, some guests poured in from the outer areas, and many servants moved quickly among the crowd with trays of champagne. Sir Rock opens with his career as a Sheriff and mentions his satisfaction in seeing wrongs righted.Then he uttered a series of remarks in favor of the sacred traditions and duties of those hereditary nobles.These remarks obviously satisfied everyone present, because most of them were viscounts, earls, marquises and dukes. "I have the impression that Sir Ruoshi doesn't support nobles so much." Ruodi whispered to Nick. He smiled grimly. "My brother-in-law is a very good actor when he wants to. And he knows that reminding them of their strict adherence to tradition can force them to accept that I too am a member of the nobility." Sir Rock then narrates that an unnamed gentleman was deprived of his title for a long period of time.He comes from a direct line of noble family and has devoted the last few years of his life entirely to public service. "Therefore," said Sir Rock at last, "I am grateful for the rare honor of being able to announce that Lord John Sheen can at last regain his belated title and the House of Lords that comes with it. ...and it can be expected that he will continue to serve the country and the Queen in the role for which he was born." Lifting a glass of wine, he said: "We pay respects to Mr Janick - we will call him Viscount John Hinn from now on. " There was a commotion of astonishment in the crowd.Although most of them already knew what Sir Ruoshi was going to announce, it was still shocking to hear such an announcement in person. "My lord," said all in one obedient voice, and then cheered together. "And Mrs. Sim," said Sir Ruoshi, and once again received an enthusiastic response, and Ruodi bowed gracefully back. Straightening up, Roddy touched Nick's arm. "Perhaps you should pay Sir Rose a respect," she suggested. He looked at her hesitantly, but still accepted her suggestion, and raised his glass towards his brother-in-law. "To Ser Stone," he said loudly. "Without his efforts, I wouldn't be here tonight." Everyone responded with cheers, when Sir Ruoshi suddenly grinned and found that Nick's careful language did not include a word of thanks. Then everyone raised their glasses to the Queen, the country and the nobility, and then the orchestra played a lively repertoire, and the whole room was filled with melodious music.Sir Ruoshi came over and invited Ruodi to dance a waltz. At the same time, Nick and Sophie entered the dance floor, and Sophie had an uncontrollable smile on her lips. Ruodi smiled at the sight of their pair, one so beautiful and the other so dark, yet both had the same striking appeal.As they began to dance, she turned to Ser Rock and carefully placed her aching hand on his shoulder.As expected, he is an outstanding dancer, confident and capable. Feeling goodwill and gratitude at the same time, Ruodi studied his serious but handsome face. "You did this to save him, didn't you?" she asked. "I don't know if this will save him," said Sir Ruoshi in a low voice. These words made Lodi feel a sharp pain of fear.He means, does he think Nick is still suffering in some way?But Nick is no longer a Bow Street detective -- he no longer suffers from the dangers of his job.He was safe now...unless Sir Rocky was implying that the greatest danger to Nick was lurking deep within him. In the days after Nick's real identity was revealed, their house on Betterton Street was flooded with visitors every day.Mrs Choi must filter every visitor, from Nick's former low-class companions to representatives of the Queen.They received so many card games and ball invitations every day that the silver trays at the entrance were filled with papers.The periodicals described him as a "reluctant viscount" and described his heroics as Bow Street detective.Journalists were influenced by the image Sir Ruoshi helped him create, so Nick was portrayed as a selfless fighter who would rather serve the public humbly than accept a long-lost title.Nick is furious with his new public persona, as no one seems to think he's dangerous anymore, but it amuses Lotte.Strangers were eager to approach him, no longer intimidated by his menacing demeanor.For a person who is extremely protective of his privacy, this is almost unbearable. "Their interest in you will disappear soon." When Nick managed to squeeze through a group of admiring people to the door of the house, Ruodi said comfortingly. Feeling overwhelmed, Nick lowered his face, took off his coat, and sat down on the sofa in the living room, his long legs stretched out casually. "I want it faster," he said angrily, looking at the ceiling. "This place is so damn accessible, we need a house with a private driveway and high walls." "Some friends who live in the suburbs also invited us over." Ruodi walked beside him and sat on the carpet, her printed skirt billowing around her.Nick leaned against the arm of the low-backed bench, their faces almost level. "There was even a letter from Earl Wesker, asking if we could visit Boulders for a fortnight or so." Nick's face fell instantly. "The Earl must want to make sure for himself that you have not been abused by this husband from hell." Ruodi couldn't help laughing out loud. "You have to admit it wasn't at its most glamorous at the time." Nick grabbed her fingers as she reached out to undo his scarf. "That's because I want you too much to care about being attractive." His thumb stroked the smooth tips of her nails. "You hinted at that time that I could be replaced by other women." She blamed. "I used to feel that in order to get something I wanted, I had to act like I didn't want it." Ruodi shook her head feeling confused. "That doesn't make sense at all." Nick smiled and let go of her hand, playing with the lace at the edge of her neckline. "It works," he told her. Because their faces were so close together, and his blue eyes looked directly at hers, Lodi felt his face start to flush. "You were very evil that night." His fingertips slid into the valley between her breasts. "You haven't seen me in a more evil form." A loud knock on the door echoed in the hallway and into the living room.Nick withdrew his hand and listened to Mrs. Cui answering the door, telling the visitor that Lord Xin and his wife were inconvenient to receive guests. Nick frowned at the thought of his privacy being violated. "I've had enough, let's leave London." "When should we go? Lord Wesker will be very—" "don't want." "All right, then," Rodi continued, unaffected by him. "The Kang family's Silver Hill Garden—" "God, no. I don't want to spend two weeks under the same roof as Ruoshi." "We could go to Worcestershire," Roddy suggested. "Sophie said that the construction of Xin's Manor is about to be completed. She told me very clearly that she hopes you can go and see the fruits of her efforts." He shook his head immediately. "I don't want to see that damned place at all." "Your sister took great pains—you don't want to hurt her, do you?" "No one asked her to do those things. Sophie did it herself, and I don't feel grateful to her for it." "I've heard that Worcestershire is very beautiful." Ruodi said eagerly. "The air should be much better there than here - London in the summer is horrible. And I hope to visit the place where you were born one day. If you don't want to go now, I understand, but -" "There are no servants there," he said triumphantly. "We could take a few of the necessary servants over there. Don't you think it would be nice to be able to stay in your suburban house and not have to visit anyone? Just go for a fortnight or so." Nick was quiet, eyes narrowed.Ruodi felt the struggle in his heart, the desire to please her and the strong reluctance to return to the place where he left many years ago, these two thoughts were constantly pulling each other.It wasn't very pleasant for him to face those memories and remember the pain of being suddenly orphaned. Lotte lowered her eyes so Nick didn't see the sympathy in her eyes that he must have misinterpreted. "I'll tell Sophie we'll accept her invitation another day, and she'll understand—" "I'll go." He said abruptly. Ruodi looked at him in surprise.He was clearly looking taut, with a visible layer of armor. "We don't necessarily have to go there," she said. "We can go somewhere else if you like." He shook his head, mouth twisted ironically. "First you want to go to Worcestershire, and then you don't. Damn, women are always capricious." "I'm not capricious," she protested. "I just don't want you to force yourself to get there and then get mad at me all the time." "I'm not angry. Men don't get angry so easily." "Annoyed? Annoyed? Distressed?" She smiled at him softly, hoping to protect him from nightmares, memories, and his inner demons. Nick was about to answer, but looking at her, he seemed to have forgotten what to say; he held out his hand to her, and stopped abruptly.Ruodi watched him stand up from the sofa and leave the living room at a very fast speed. The journey to Worcestershire usually takes a full day, so long that travelers choose to spend part of the day on the road, arriving the next morning after a night in pubs.However, Nick insisted on no rest during the journey except for changing horses and replenishing food. Although Ruodi tried to maintain a good mood throughout the trip, she found it difficult to maintain a cheerful look.It was uncomfortable in the carriage, the road was very uneven, and the dangling in the carriage made her feel a little sick.Seeing her discomfort, Nick's expression became gloomy and determined, and the atmosphere gradually fell silent. The day before their departure, some necessary servants had gone to prepare food and clean the house.As they had previously decided, the members of the Kang family would come the next morning.Sir Ruoshi's house in Silver Hills is only an hour's drive from their estate. The last rays of the setting sun were disappearing just as their carriage reached Worcestershire.Wherever Ruo Di looked, he could see that the county was rich and prosperous.Rich green pastures and well-groomed farmland cover the flat land, dotted with verdant hills with fertile white sheep.The winding waterways branching off from the river provide easy routes for commercial transactions in this area.Any traveler to Worcestershire will have a delighted reaction to this view.However, Nick became more and more gloomy. When the carriage drove them closer and closer to the Xin family's land, every pore on his body emitted a very reluctant message. At last the carriage turned into a long and narrow drive, and after going about a mile came a grand house.Outdoor lighting casts a warm glow on the entryway and makes the front windows sparkle like black diamonds.Roddy eagerly drew back the curtains of the carriage windows, hoping to get a better view. "It's beautiful," she said, her heart racing with excitement. "Just as Sophie described." This huge Palladian building is very grand, like other buildings of this type, with red bricks, white columns and precise gables, and orderly buildings can be seen everywhere. symmetry. The carriage stopped at the entrance.Nick was expressionless when he got off the carriage to help Lotte get out of the carriage.They went up the steps to the double doors, where Mrs Choi was waiting, welcoming them into the huge oval foyer with its gleaming rose-coloured marble floor. "Mrs. Cui," Ruodi said enthusiastically. "How are you?" "Very well, ma'am. How about you?" "Tired, but happy to finally be here. Have you had any problems so far?" "No, ma'am, but there are many things. One day is not enough to prepare everything..." "It's okay." Ruodi said with a smile. "After a long journey, Lord Xin and I just need a clean bedroom." "We've tidied up the bedrooms, ma'am. Shall I take you upstairs now? Or do you want to have a little dinner first..." The butler's voice disappeared when he saw Nick. Following her gaze, Ruodi saw her husband staring blankly into the hall of the house.He seemed to be watching a play that no one else could see, and his eyes followed the invisible actors on the stage speaking their lines.The expression on his face was one of excitement and excitement.He wandered into the hall wordlessly, ignoring the presence of others, exploring the house like a lost boy. Ruodi didn't know how to help him.Of all the things she had done, the most difficult thing was to answer the housekeeper's words in a nonchalant tone, but she managed it anyway. "No, thank you, Mrs. Choi. I don't think we need dinner. Maybe you can send some water and a bottle of wine to our room. And ask the maid to just take out what I need tonight and leave it to tomorrow." All right. During this time, Sir Xin and I will first look around." "Okay, ma'am. I promise they will get out your personal things right away." The butler strode away and gave orders to the two maids, who also walked out of the hall immediately. Although the chandelier on the ceiling was not lit, the two oil lamps slightly eased the gloomy atmosphere.Following her husband, Lotte walked to an arched door on the other side of the hall, into a gallery of portraits.The air smelled of new wool carpet and fresh paint. While Nick kept staring at the completely blank walls of the gallery, Lotte studied his profile.She guessed he was remembering the paintings that used to hang here. "Looks like we need to buy some more art," she said. "They were all sold to pay off my father's debts." Approaching him, Lotte rested her cheek on his shoulder through his coat. "Can you show me this house?" Nick was silent for a long time.He watched her upturned face, eyes vacant, revealing that the boy who had lived here was no longer there. "Not tonight, I need to see it by myself." "I understand," Ruddy said, taking his hand. "I'm very tired. I think I'd rather visit the house tomorrow morning, during the day." His fingers only touched hers lightly, and then let go. "I'll take you upstairs." She forced herself to smile. "No, I will ask Mrs. Cui or other servants to accompany me." When Nick finally went into the bedroom, a clock somewhere in the house rang to indicate that it was past half-past midnight.Although Ruodi was very tired, she still couldn't fall asleep, so she took out a novel from her suitcase, and stayed up all night reading until halfway through the book.睡房非常舒适，床上铺着绣有花纹的丝质床单还挂着与床单相配的床帏，墙壁的颜色则是浅绿色。若笛全神贯注地读着小说，直到她听见地板发出了声音。 看见尼克站在门口，若笛把小说放在床头柜上，很有耐心地等尼克开口说话，想知道当他在这栋房子里走动，有多少回忆被唤醒，又有多少无声的鬼魂在他走过的地方徘徊。 “你应该睡了。”他最后说。 “你也是。”若笛掀开床罩上阵沉默后，她问道：“你会来陪我吗？” 他的眼神扫过她的全身，在她的睡衣前襟徘徊，她穿着那种保守高领但每次都会激起他欲望的睡衣。他看起来是那么的孤独，那么的不再存有任何幻想……看起来就和她第一次遇见他时一样。 “今晚不要。”这句话今晚他已经说了第二次。 他们的眼神交会并一直看着对方。若笛知道应该要保持一种不在乎的表情，要对他有耐心。她的要求、挫折只会使他躲得更远。 但是，她却震惊地听到自己大胆地说出：“留下来。” 他们俩都知道她并不是要求他只留下来几分钟，或几小时。她想要的是一整个晚上。 “你明知我做不到。”他轻声地回答。 “你不会伤害到我，我不怕你的噩梦。”若笛坐起身，看着他平静的脸。突然间，她无法遏止、且不顾一切地说出一连串的话，声音中流露出自然的情感。“我想要你在这里陪我，我希望能多靠近你一些。告诉我，我要怎么做或说些什么你才会留下来。请你告诉我，因为我似乎无法控制自己，就是希望得到你还不愿意付出的。” “你不知道出自己在讲什么。” “我向你保证我绝对不会——” “我不想要什么保证或承诺，”他严厉地说。“我只是陈述一件事实。有一部分的我，你不会想要了解。” “以前你曾经要我信任你。现在，同样地，我也希望你能够信任我。告诉我到底发生了什么事情，使得你常常作噩梦。告诉我是什么一直在困扰着你。” “不要，若笛。”但是他并没有离开，而是留在房间里，好像他的脚不听大脑的使唤。 若笛突然了解他其实很希望向她坦白，这欲望甚至已变成一种巨大的折磨，因为他强烈地相信如果向她坦白，她一定会离开他。此时，他开始汗如雨下，皮肤像潮湿的铜器般发亮着。几绺深色的头发粘在潮湿的额头上，她很想触摸他，但她还是留在原地没动。 “我不会背弃你，”她平稳地说。“不管曾经发生过什么事。那是在监狱船，对不对？和那个真的简尼克有关。你为了取代他的身分，所以杀了他？是这件事在折磨你吗？” 她从尼克退缩的表情看出，她刚说的话离事实不远。他的自我防卫正渐渐瓦解，然后他摇头，试图恢复镇定。但是他失败了，带着指责与绝望看了她一眼。“事情不是这样。” 若笛毫不畏惧地一直看着他。“那么事情是怎样？” 他身体的线条改变了，因为不得不屈服反而放松下来。他一边的肩膀靠着墙壁，只有部分的脸面向她，眼神直直看着地上的某个点。 “我因为杀了一个男人而被送到监狱船。那个时候我才十四岁，加入了拦路抢劫的集团，然后在抢劫一个老人的马车时，那个老人死了。这件事使我们很快就被审判定罪。我太惭愧了所以不敢告诉任何人我是谁——只说我是辛约翰。其他四个人很快就被吊死了，但是因为我的年龄，治安官对我从轻判决，判我到监狱船服刑十个月。” “若石爵士就是那个做出判决的治安官。”若笛低语，想起苏菲曾经说过这件事。 尼克苦笑了一下。“我们两个当时都不知道在未来的某一天他会成为我的姐夫。”他更倾斜地靠在墙上。“我一踏上监狱船，就知道我绝对撑不过一个月。对我来说，直接把我吊死还仁慈些。他们把那艘船称作邓肯毕军校，因为这艘船是由一个叫邓肯毕的军官所指挥。有一半的囚犯才刚因热病而被清掉，而他们算是幸运的。 “监狱船比其他停泊在近海的船小，可以容纳一百个囚犯，但是他们把一百五十名囚犯塞进甲板底下一个大区域（译注），那里的天花板低到我都站不直。囚犯就睡在地板上或建在甲板两旁的平台上。每一个人睡觉的空间只有六英呎长、二十英吋宽。大部分的时间我们都得戴着脚镣和铁铐，铁链发出的声音让我最无法忍受。 “但，最恶劣的是那里面的气味。我们不太能洗澡——因为肥皂总是不够用，而且我们要用海水清洗身体，并不是自来水系统的，而是用靠近海水那边的一排水门。结果，臭味太强烈，连一大早来开舱门的守卫都受不了——有一次一个守卫因此而晕倒。另外，从我们傍晚被锁进底下一直到天亮舱门被打开的这段时间，都没有人会管我们，也没有守卫或军官监视我们。” 【译注：RA015二三一页最后第二行“六百个犯人住在甲板下……”译自原书三五七页第二行。 “Six Hundred convicts were housed below the decks,……”但是，本书原文二三一页二一行：“It was fitted for one hundred prisoners,……”编辑认为作者写到这里或许认为一艘船一百人/一百五十人比较合理，然已来不及更改前书。但编辑有责任在此加注。 】 “那么那些时候囚犯都在做什么？”若笛问道。 他露出一个凶狠的微笑使得若笛打了个冷颤。“赌博、打架、构思逃狱计划，还有互相骚扰。” “互相骚扰？” 尼克很快地看了她一眼，似乎被这个问题吓了一跳。“互相强暴。” Ruddy shook her head in bewilderment. “但是男人没办法被强暴。” “我向你保证，”他讥讽地说。“绝对可以。而且那也是我绝对很想要避免的。但是，不幸地，像我这种年纪的男孩——十四岁或十五岁——最有可能成为受害者。而我可以一直平安无事是因为我和另一个年纪比我大一点、且比我更顽强的人做了朋友。” “简尼克？” “对。我睡觉的时候他会替我注意状况，还教我自我保护的方法……即使食物难以下咽，他也强迫我吃下去好维持生命。和他说话使我不至于因为没事可做而发疯。没有他我根本活不下去，这一点我很清楚。我很害怕他离开监狱船那一天的到来。在我上船的六个月后，简尼克告诉我，他再过一个星期（译注：RA015的原文是a fortnight，所以是“两星期”作者在这附近的一些数字是有混乱的，但小瑕不掩大瑜。）就可以离开了。”他脸上的表情使得若笛的胃紧张得快打结。“在那个地狱里奋力生存两年以后，终于只剩下一个星期。我应该要为他感到高兴，但是我没有。我只想到自己的安全，在他离开后绝对维持不到五分钟。” 他停顿下来，陷入更深的回忆中。 “发生了什么事？”若笛低声地问道。 "tell me." 他面无表情，内心紧紧地抓住这个秘密不愿意松手。他露出奇怪且冷酷的微笑，并用全然自我鄙视的语调说：“我做不到。” 若笛要把脚伸直，以免自己跳下床冲向他。看着他黝黑阴暗的脸，她热泪盈眶。“简尼克是怎么死的？”她问道。 他的喉咙发出声音，摇了摇头。 面对他无言的挣扎，若笛寻找打破僵局的方法。“不要害怕，”她低语。“不管发生过什么事，我都会留在你身旁。” 他将脸别开，眯起眼睛，好像在黑暗里待太久突然见到强光而眼睛不适应。“某个晚上我被一个姓施的囚犯攻击。他趁我睡觉的时候把我拉下平台，压在地上。我奋力挣扎，但是他有我的两倍大，而且没有人要管这种事；他们全都很怕他。我大叫简尼克把这个混蛋拉开——”他停顿下来，发出奇怪的声音颤抖地笑了。 “他有帮你吗？”若笛问道。 “有……那个笨蛋！”他发出一声低低的啜泣。“他很清楚没有必要为我做这种事情。即使我当时没被骚扰，在他离开以后我还是免不了这种命运。我实在不应该叫他救我，而且他也不应该出面救我。但是他把姓施的赶走，而且……” There was another moment of silence. “尼克是因为打架而死的吗？”若笛强迫自己发问。 “那夜稍晚，他因为救了我而被姓施的盯上，而且很快就有了报复行动。破晓之前，他趁尼克睡觉的时候把他勒死。等我知道，一切都太迟了。我跑到尼克旁边……想要叫醒他，让他呼吸。可是他一动也不动，身体在我怀里渐渐变冷。”他的下巴颤抖，并粗暴地清一清喉咙。 若笛希望知道整件事情，因此不愿让故事就此结束。“你怎么和简尼克交换身分的？” “每天早上助理医疗官和一名守卫会来清理在前晚因为生病或饥饿、或某一种他们称作『心情低落』的原因而死亡的人的尸体。而那些快要死的人则被安置在水手舱里。我假装自己生病了，在当时装病并不困难。他们把我们两个都带上甲板，然后问我是谁，还有我是否知道另一个死者的名字。这些守卫根本不知道谁是谁——对他们来说，所有的囚犯都一样。而且我已经和他……他的尸体交换衣服，所以当我告诉他们我叫简尼克而那个死掉的男孩是辛约翰的时候，他们没有理由怀疑。接下来的几天里，我都待在水手舱里，假装生病，避免再被送回甲板底下。其他被送到水手舱里的人，不是生病就是很虚弱才不管我用什么名字。” “然后很快地，你就被释放了，”若笛低声地说。“以简尼克的身分。” “我被释放的时候，他则被埋在码头附近一个千人塚里。对我来说，现在他的名字比我自己的更为真实。” 若笛深受感动。难怪他想要保留简尼克的名字。某一方面来说，他想用保有他的名字来使一部分真正的简尼克活着。这个名字是个护身符，一个新的开始。她逐渐了解他对真名感到如此羞愧的原因，因为他相信朋友是因他而死。那当然并不是他的错。但是，即使她能使他承认逻辑上的错误，也永远无法使他除去罪恶感。 若笛滑下床，厚厚的羊毛地毯扎着她赤裸的脚底。走近他时，她完全不知该怎么做，如果她好言相对，他会认为那是同情。可是，如果她不说话，他又会认为那是轻蔑或厌恶的表示。 “尼克，”她轻柔地说，但是他不愿意面向她。她只好站到他面前，听着他破碎的呼吸声。“你当时呼救并没有做错。而且，就像任何一个真正的朋友会做的，他也想要救你。你们两个人都没有做错。” 他拉上衣袖擦了擦眼睛，颤抖地吸了一口气。“我偷走了他的生命。” “没有，”她急切地说。“他不会想要你留在那里——那样对谁有好处？”她的嘴角感觉到一滴热泪，味道咸咸的。她非常了解罪恶感，以及因此而产生的自我厌恶，尤其是缺少对方原谅的时候。但是，那个可以原谅尼克的人已经死了。“他无法出现在这里宽恕你，”她说。“但是，我可以代表他，如果他可以，他会告诉你：『我原谅你，一切都没事了。我现在很平静，你也应该要和我一样。况且你早就该原谅自己。』” “你怎么知道他会这样说？” “因为任何一个关心你的人都会这样说。而且他真的关心你，不然他怎么会冒险保护你？”走向前一步，若笛抱住他僵硬的脖子。“我也关心你。”她必须用全身的力量才能使他靠向她。“我爱你，”她低语。“请你不要拒绝我。”接着她吻住他的嘴。 他花了很长的时间才能回应她柔软的唇。喉咙里发出细微的声音，慢慢地，他发抖的手捧住她的脸，他的嘴覆盖住她的。他的脸颊因汗水及泪水而潮湿，他的吻充满了热情。 “听到这些话对你有帮助吗？”当他们的唇分开时，若笛低语。 “有。”他沙哑地说。 “那么，每当你需要听到这些话的时候，我就会再说一遍！直到你开始相信。”她的手滑至他颈后，拉近他的头再次吻住他。 尼克突如其来的狂野吓了她一跳，他轻易地将她抱至床边放在床垫上。他扯去身上的衣服，不是解开一颗颗钮扣而是直接地扯开。他快速来到她身上、跨坐着，双手撕开她睡衣的前襟。她模糊地理解尼克需要进入她体内的欲望是那么强烈，已经完全失去了自制力。以膝盖将她的腿分开，他男性的特征抵着她要求进入。然而，虽然她愿意接受他，但是她的身体还没有准备好。 滑至她的身体下方，尼克吻住她，当她因惊讶向上拱起时，他一双大手抓住她的髋部坚定地压在床上。他的舌头进入她体内，湿润并软化她。一发现她细致的私密部位，他的舌头反覆地舔着，直到感觉到她散发出欲望的气味。接着，他将身体向上移动，再次跨坐在她身上进入她。 尼克一进入她温暖的身体后，盲目的狂暴似乎慢慢褪去。留在她体内，他强壮的手臂放在她头的两边，胸膛因不规则的深呼吸而起伏着。若笛被压在他身下，身体颤抖地包围着他。 他的嘴再次吻住她的，这一次非常的温柔，慢慢地挑逗她，舌尖在她嘴里爱抚。她曾经偷偷地珍惜着他的另一个吻留给她的回忆，一个陌生人的唇甜蜜热情地轻刷过她的……但是，这一次却非常不同，令人晕眩且对她产生很大的影响。她因为他的触碰而感到疼痛，当他的手指轻扯她的乳失时，反而松了一口气地发出叹息。他用所知的一切技巧撩拨她，以轻浅的爱抚挑逗她，却不让她满足。因为想要更多，若笛试图将他拉近，但是他并没有顺从，仍然维持缓慢的节奏，在她发出抗议时以亲吻使她安静。突然问，他长驱直入她体内。若笛困惑地看着他专注的脸。“你在做什么？”她虚弱地问。 他的唇轻刷过她的，当他吻住她时，她慢慢了解到他的模式……八次轻浅的推进，两次深入的……七次轻浅的，三次深入的……持续着直到他终于给她十次猛力深入的冲刺。若笛因强烈的愉悦而喊叫，小肮因充满爆炸性的感官愉悦而向上拱起。当这炽热的喜悦开始褪去时，尼克稍微改变他们的姿势，并更深入她体内，将她的膝盖更分开，调整自己的角度。他更深入地推进，使两人的身体更紧密地结合，而且他的腰与臀开始以一种缓慢但稳定的节奏做圆形的转动。 “我做不到。”若笛喘息地说，发现他的意图，知道那不可能做得到。 “让我来。”尼克低语，持久且非常熟练地继续温柔地转着，用他的身体取悦她。 她很惊讶地发现体内的温度竟然可以这么快又上升，她的身体欢迎着这韧性强大的刺激，当他进出她，私密部位感到潮湿且肿胀。当她再次达到高潮时，喉间逸出声音，手脚抽搐，脸颊紧紧地压在他肩膀上。 然后，他又再次开始整个循环。九次轻浅的，一次深入的…… 若笛已经数不清他带给她几次狂喜，又或者从他们开始做爱到现在已经过了多少时间。他在她耳边低语……倾诉爱意……亲密的赞美……告诉她她使他多坚挺……她包围他的感觉有多美妙……他多么想满足她。他带给她几乎无法承受的欢愉，直到她终于求他停下来，身体因精疲力竭而颤抖着。 尼克不情愿地顺从，最后一次深入她体内，颤抖呻吟着在她体内释放压抑已久的欲望。他离开她充分满足的身体后，忍不住又再次亲吻她。若笛几乎没有力气再抬起手，但是她仍抓住他的手臂，沙哑地低语：“你会留下来吗？” “会，”她听到他这样说。 "I will." 松了一口气且非常疲备，她很快地沉沉睡去。