Chapter 10 chapter Ten

The way An Fanni looked at me was so familiar, it showed that she didn't want to be disturbed.But her voice was kind and friendly. "Good to see you here, Haifen! Did you have a good time?" "I'm too happy for words," I said.It's just that I'm not the one who is happy.With so many people to choose from, Handy took my supervisor from hell.Fate is trying to make me understand that this relationship is not going to work on any level. Handy put the glass on the bar. "Halfen—" "Hi, Mr. Kang," I said coldly. "Have a nice evening. I'm leaving."

Without giving Fanny or Handy a chance to react, I turned and slid into the crowd.I turned pale with rage and felt sick, and finally realized that my family was absolutely right about Handy.He is troublesome, it is better not to touch him. I just walked halfway, and I felt that he had come behind me, and he held my arm.I turned stiffly to face him.His face was hard as granite. "Please go back to Fanny," I told him. "If she thinks I stole you, I'll have to clean the company toilet next week." "I'm not with her, I'm just having a drink. Am I supposed to be alone in the corner waiting for you to decide what to do with me?"

"No, you don't have to wait in the corner." I glared at him. "But you can at least wait five minutes before changing partners." "She's not my object. I was waiting for you. And you spent more than five goddamn minutes deciding whether to dance with me. I don't accept that attitude from you or your family, Hafin." "Based on your past performance, what do you expect? A flower parade? They have every right to doubt your motives." "What about you? What do you think my motives are?" "I don't think you want me to answer that question in public."

"Then let's go to the hidden place," he said bitterly. "Because, by God, I absolutely want to know the answer." "Okay." When he grabbed my wrist, my mind went blank, frozen in white panic.The last time I was caught by an angry man, I ended up in the hospital for treatment.But although his grip was firm, it didn't hurt.I forced myself to relax as he led me through the crowd. A female singer is singing "Summer Time" affectionately, and the gloomy and melancholy melody entangles us like smoke. I was still dazed when I finally walked out of the room and through the water-tight hall.When we came to two doors, we were forced to stop because someone blocked the way.It's Gage.He looked at us with eyes as bright as lightning in a bottle, not missing a single detail, not least the way Handy grabbed my wrist.

"Do you need me?" Gage asked quietly. Handy looked like he was about to kill someone. "She's fine," he said. Zhuangge ignored him completely and just stared at me.I was grateful for him, and I knew how hard it would be for him to let me go with a man he despised.But Gage knew it was my choice.He won't make a move unless I need it. "It's okay," I told him. "I don't need anything." The eldest brother nodded, although he was clearly struggling to intervene.When we left, he had the look on his face as if he was watching me off with Satan.I know Gage is terrified of me.He doesn't trust Conhandy.

When I think about it carefully, I don't believe it either. Handy pulled me through the two doors, around the corner and into the depths of the theater, stopping at a stairwell under repair that smelled of cement and metal and stuffy damp.It was quiet, save for the sound of dripping water and our out-of-beat breathing.Somewhere above, the light casts dim fluorescent light, enveloping us. Handy faced me, looking huge and dour against the concrete background. "Now," he said abruptly, "tell me what you don't want to say inside." I fired at him. "I think if I wasn't from the Choi family, you wouldn't have come to accost me. I think you want Gage to know that if he gets Lipper, you'll sleep with his sister for revenge. I think you're hiding it There are more problems than you'd like to admit. I think—"

I stopped with a yelp as he grabbed me.Frenzied emotions rose inside me, a mixture of fear, anger, and excitement that I couldn't believe. "It's all wrong," he said through gritted teeth, his accent thick and contemptuous. "I'm not that complicated, Hafen. In fact, I've wanted you ever since I met you in that damn wine cellar. Because those five minutes with you generated more electricity than I had before or Any woman I met after that. This is not a plot to get revenge on your family, Haifen. There is no hidden problem in it. The thing is very simple, I just want to take you to bed and make it dark."

I froze, offended but confused.Before I could say the full word, Handy was kissing me.I pushed him hard, and he lifted his head and muttered something obscene, but I couldn't quite hear his pulse. He held my head with both hands, and put his ten fingers along my head to support it.His mouth found me again.When his tongue entered my mouth, the taste and heat were too sweet to bear.The pleasure of kissing screamed through the body, and the hunger and thirst of the two were evenly matched, and the rubbing burst into flames.I opened my mouth to meet him, trembling so hard I could barely stand.He wrapped one hand around to protect my back from hitting the cold concrete wall, and the other hand slid down my front.I kissed him back and licked the inside of his mouth in a similar manner.The feeling is so strong that I lose control.

He opened his mouth and walked roughly around the side of my neck.His shaven chin rubbed, sending waves of pleasure to my stomach.I heard him mutter something, like if I got into a good college, I should at least be smart enough to know that men want to sleep with me.Only his language was much more crude. "I'm not a gentleman," he went on, clamping my body, hot breath against my skin. "I can't coax you into bed with fancy words or good breeding. All I can tell you is that I want you more than any other woman. I'd break the law to have you. If the night we met you were with me Leave, I would have taken you to Galveston Island and left you there for a week. And I would have made sure you never wanted to leave again."

His hand on my back tightened, pulling me up, and I realized he had pulled one side of my gown, exposing my breasts.He held up the shallow arc, his thumb was stimulated so that the tip of the nipple was red and tense, then he lowered his head and brushed it with the tip of his tongue.I lifted up gasping, and he kissed my erect nipples, sealing the tightness with his mouth.He pulled rhythmically, sending me waves of pleasure, licking and teasing between each light pull.I pulled his head closer, tears stinging the corners of my eyes because it felt so good. He moved up and locked my lips again, this kiss was so rich that it made people tingle. "Let me go to your bed," he murmured. "I'll do it any way you want... long or slow, soft or hard... hell, I'm even willing to fuck like a gentleman if it gives you an orgasm. You think I want you because of your last name Cui? How I wish you weren't the damn Cui family. People like you never look down on me."

"I never looked down on you," I said angrily, shaking with frustration and desire. "If you knew anything about me, you would never think that way." "So, what's the question?" he growled. "Is it your ex-husband? Are you still attached to him?" "No." My hands scramble on his folded lapel, fingers gripping the slippery fabric. "Tell me you don't want me. Tell me and I'll damn well stop bothering you." "I'm not good at this," I blurted out. "My God, can't you see that? Nick is the only man I've ever had, and I can't just have sex." I never meant to admit that.But I was helpless and defenseless, terrified of what Handy was about to do to me.My mind is a mix of sex, pain and fear. Handy stood still.In the blink of an eye, everything changed.He held the back of my head with one hand and forced me to look up.Even in the gloom, I could see his blue eyes staring at me.His grip slowly loosens, turning to caressing, his free hand stroking my goosebumped upper arm.I found him surprised.It didn't occur to him that I might be inexperienced and not know how to play the game. "Halfen..." There was a new tenderness in his voice that made me tremble even more. "I don't know. I thought—" "Think I'm a spoiled River Oaks kid? A snobby-" "do not talk." "but I--" "Hush." I fell silent and let him hug me.I was engulfed in his embrace, clutching his hard chest.Part of me wants to run away.Another part of me craves this hug, this touch.He caressed my hair, and his fingertips gently traced the arc of my head.I felt something inside me give way, some inner tension dissolve. We stood and swayed gently, as if we were swimming in the waves of the ocean of the senses.Handy nuzzled my neck.I turned my head to find his mouth, and he immediately gave me what I wanted, and kissed me slowly with hunger until I was dizzy and weak.His strong arms were around me, both for rocking and for support.With his free hand he grasped the loose folds of my gown and slowly pushed the fabric up. I jumped up as he grabbed my bare hip.He kissed my throat, comforted me with love words and promises I didn't fully understand, and spread my legs.He touched me, opening gently, one fingertip drawing provocative circles around the flap, getting smaller and smaller until it reached the center.I writhed helplessly as he stroked the throbbing spot, over and over, and let out a cry of pleasure each time the calluses of his hands brushed against the wet surface of my clit. I leaned against him to melt and moan, my whole body throbbing with the need for sex, the desire to be filled.I turned my head to stick to his mouth, let him kiss deeply, and welcomed the aggressive sprint of his tongue.His hands left me to unbutton his trousers... and then disaster struck. As soon as I felt him so big and hard against me, all pleasure died away.And that's it... nothing left.Suddenly, all I saw, heard, and felt was that last experience with Nick, the searing pain, the rough rush only slightly relieved by my bleeding.My throat and stomach swelled with nausea, the pressure on my male body made me sick, I couldn't bear his weight, and I struggled without thinking. "No," I panted, twisting back and pushing him hard. "No. I don't. I don't. I—" I found myself screaming hoarsely, biting my lip hard to hold back. "What's the matter?" I heard Handy ask, panting heavily. I trembled with hostility, every cell in my body armed to defend itself. "Don't come near me," I snapped. "Don't touch me." I frantically tried to straighten my clothes, my hands shaking violently. "Haven—" he said gruffly. "Did I hurt you? What happened?" "I don't like doing things like this in public," I said coldly, walking slowly to the door.If he touches me again, I'm going to break down... I'm going to go crazy. "I don't like being rushed either." "I definitely didn't urge you, you want it too." "Don't be so self-righteous, Handy." He was flushed, cocked dangerously, and furious.Slowly, he began to arrange his clothes.When he spoke again, his voice was low and self-controlled. "There is a word, Haifen, specially used to describe a woman like you." "I'm sure you know a lot of interesting words," I said. "Maybe you can tell others." Before he could answer, I escaped from the stairwell like a prison escape. I finally found my way back to the combined theater, and the sound of dancing and laughing came at once.I was horrified to realize how wrong I was, that I couldn't have normal sex with a man I was so attracted to.I'm also ashamed of what I just did.Handy had no choice but to treat me like a bitch who aroused his lust and refused to sleep.He would never want anything to do with me again.Thinking of it this way, I was a little relieved, but at the same time I wanted to cry a lot. Todd found me right away.He was talking to a man at the bar, and he was leisurely scanning the room, just in time to see me coming in.He came over and stared at my pale face and lips red and swollen from kisses. "You look like you just slept with the Dallas Cowboys," he said. "The top two straps are loose." "Can you call me a taxi, please?" I whispered. His blue-green eyes were filled with warm concern. "I'll take you home, sweetheart. Come, lean on me." But as soon as he put his arms around my shoulders, I flinched. "Okay," Todd continued cheerfully, as if oblivious to my strange reaction. "Why don't you take my arm and let's go out through the side door together?" He drove me back to 1800 Main Street in the BMW coupe, didn't ask any questions, kept a comfortable silence the whole way, until finally we arrived at my seventh-floor apartment.Inside is furniture he bought from an antique store and a few things he doesn't need to help me arrange it, mixing and matching for an eclectic style, balancing the heaviness of the wooden furniture with cream and white.Todd also added a few more fanciful ideas, such as the ancient Hawaiian bamboo curtain hanging on the inner door panel of the front door. . Seeing my miserable face, Todd picked up the green fringed shawl on the sofa and wrapped me in it.I curled up in a corner of the sofa, tucking my feet up so he could have a seat too. "Must be the dancing," said Todd, undoing his tie.He let his tie hang at the sides of his neck and sat relaxed beside me, as graceful as a cat. "What happened?" "We didn't dance," I said numbly. "Oh?" "He took me to a dark corner, some stairwell." "Let me have some imaginative fun and tell me... how good is his skill?" I could feel my entire face reddeningly. "Is that good?" Todd asked. I let out a shaky laugh, not sure how to describe it in words. "You know some people who kiss just to take the next step, like get it done early? Well, Handy kisses like it's the only thing in the world he wants to do. Every kiss is a complete sex act. ’ I closed my eyes for a moment, recalling. "And he'll hold my face in his hands." "Well, I like it. So, was it discovered by one of your brothers?" "No, it was me. I screwed up the whole thing and freaked out halfway through." There was a long silence. "What kind of scare? You mean...Haven, put your hands down and look at me. I'm Todd. Just say it." "I was scared. Not just scared. I pushed him away and ran as fast as I could." "Scared by what?" "I feel his...you know, his..." I hesitate, and Todd gives me a mocking look. "Hard stick?" he suggested. "Second? Lollipop? Fishing rod? Come on, Haifen, you don't have to be as awkward as a teenager when you talk about this kind of thing." I lowered my face defensively. "I don't usually talk about erections." "It's a pity," he said, "that all the funniest talk is about that. Go on, sweetheart." I take a deep breath. "During the kiss, I felt his erection, and then the desire just went away. It was gone with a poof. After the way Nick had treated it, that had a lot of nasty connotations for me." "How?" he asked quietly. "You never told me. Although I had some doubts." "The night I left Nick—" I look away from Todd and say it myself. "He's rough." "Rough?" Todd asked. "Or rape?" "I don't know." I was drowning in shame. "I mean, we're a couple. But I didn't want to, and he forced me, so I guess—" "That was rape," he said flatly. "It doesn't matter if you're married or not. If you don't want it and someone forces you, that's rape. That's outrageous. I'm going to kill that bastard." Todd's face darkened, I've never seen him so angry.But when he looked at me, his expression changed. "Halfen, sweetheart . . . you know, when a woman is ready and excited, it doesn't hurt. Especially if it's a man who knows what he's doing, and Handy certainly is." "Yes, but even though my mind knew it, my body didn't. As soon as I felt that huge thing against me, I couldn't help but blindly panic. I felt sick. God!" I became a cocoon in my department. "Haven't you talked to a therapist about this?" I shake my head. "We're still working on personal boundaries. And she's going on vacation for the next two weeks, and I'm going to have to wait until she comes back to help me with that." "Isn't sex a boundary issue?" I frowned at him. "I have more important things to worry about than sex." Todd opens his mouth to answer, but then shuts his mouth after apparently reconsidering.After a moment he said, "So, when you're in the heat of the game, tell Handy to stop." "Yes." I rest my chin on my hunched knee. "And I... have a bad tone." "What did he say? How did he react?" "He didn't say much, but you could tell he was angry." "Well, yeah, when it comes to sex, men often feel frustrated when they're left out there. But the point is, Handy didn't hurt you, did he? He didn't try to make you do something you didn't want to do?" "No." "I daresay that means you're pretty safe with him." "I don't feel safe." "I think, at this point, safety is not a feeling but a process. It starts with trust. Why don't you tell Handy what you just told me?" "He won't be able to handle it. I know that. I haven't finished talking about how useless I am, and he's running for the escape door." "You're not useless," Todd said quietly, "and he's not a squishy, ​​Haffin. I think you're attracted to him because deep down you know that any question you throw at him, he'll There are ways to deal with it.” "But what if he doesn't want to deal with it?" "You have a few options: You can give him a chance, or you can walk away without even trying. Then you have the same problem when you meet the next guy you're attracted to." "or……" "Or what?" I moistened my lips nervously. "I can practice with you first." The first time I saw Todd was completely speechless.But his eyes were wide open and his mouth opened and closed like a fish for at least ten seconds. "You want me to sleep with you?" he asked finally. I nod. "If I get scared or throw up halfway, I'd rather be with you. And if you get over it with me, I know I can have sex with Handy." "Oh shit." Todd couldn't help laughing, grabbed my hand and kissed the palm of it. "Haifen sweetheart. No way." He took my hand and gently pressed it against his cheek. "I'd love to help you get over it, kid, and it's an honor that you asked me. But right now, you don't want friends with benefits. You want more than that. Somewhere not far from here, there's A burly guy in blue would love to let you know how enjoyable it is to have sex. If I were you, I would give it a try." I felt him smiling against the edge of my palm, and he said, "That means, if Can you not care that he is ugly and thin." When he let me go, I folded my palms and collected his kisses like lucky coins. "Todd, when you danced with Lipper...did she mention anything about Handy?" He nodded. "She told me that although he had hindered Gage's business before, she didn't see any danger in you and Handy being interested in each other. Based on what she knew about Handy when she lived in that shabby town— " "Wickham Town." "Yeah, whatever." Todd wasn't keen on small-town life. "Based on what I knew at the time, Lipper didn't think he would hurt you. She said that Handy always tried to avoid misleading her feelings and helped her as much as she could. In fact, she even thought the two of you It's good for each other." "I can't imagine any benefit," I said sullenly. "I can't even get freaked out by his erection." Todd smiled. "Relationships aren't just about erections. Although, if you ask me... how to deal with erections is something to think about." After Todd left, I took a long bath, put on my flannel pajamas, and poured myself a glass of wine.I wonder where Handy is now; did he stay in the theater after I left? I almost couldn't resist the temptation to call him, but I wasn't sure what to say or how I would find the courage to explain it to him. I took my old seat in the corner of the sofa, looking at the phone on the stand.I would love to hear Handy's voice.I think of those hot minutes in the stairwell, before I start to get scared, his hands and mouth all over me, slow, roving, tender...so beautiful.It's so beautiful that it's unbelievable—— The phone rang. I shook, put the glass aside, and almost spilled the wine in my haste.I grabbed the phone and answered with breathless relief. "Hello?" But that wasn't Handy's voice. "Hi Mary."