Chapter 7 Chapter Seven: Thoughts written with a kite

A girl who can write "I miss you" to you with a kite is really unforgettable. I was so consumed with so much work that I didn't even notice the time was passing.Every Wednesday, Sophie and I would have a purely friendly dinner, watch a movie occasionally, and shake off each other's loneliness in the dimly lit movie theater.Luc wrote to her every week, bits and pieces that he found time to write while his father was dozing off in a chair against the wall of the bakery.Every time Sophie would show me a few lines that mentioned me in the truth. Luxe apologized that he didn't have time to write to me, but I knew it was his way.To let me know about his correspondence with Sophie.

It was very quiet in the suite.Even too quiet for me.I sometimes look around, where the three of us have spent so many nights together, staring at the ajar door of the kitchen, expecting Luc to emerge from there with a plate of pasta or his signature gratin.I promised him one thing, and I kept it carefully.Every Tuesday and Saturday, I would go upstairs to visit my neighbor and spend an hour with her.After a few months, she assured me that I knew her life better than her own children.The visit had an advantage: she, who originally refused to take the medicine, succumbed to the medical authority I represented.

One Monday night, I was taken aback when a wish I made came true.As soon as I got home, I smelled a familiar fragrance on the stairs.When I opened the door, I saw Luc wearing an apron and three sets of tableware on the floor. "Ah, by the way, I forgot to return the key to you earlier! But I don't want to wait for you to come back at the landing of the stairs. I have prepared your favorite macaroni gratin, and you can tell me how you are while eating. I know, there are three sets of tableware, and I invited Sophie on my own initiative. By the way, can you show me the kitchen, I have to take a shower, she will be here in half an hour, and I don’t even have time to change No."

"At least say hello to me first," I replied. "Don't ever turn on the oven! I'll leave everything to you, I'll need like five minutes. Can you lend me a shirt?" he said, rummaging through my closet, "Hey, the blue one Good. You remember the bakery is closed on Tuesdays? I came here on a public holiday. I slept like a cockroach on the train. But it's special to be back here." "I'm very glad to see you." "Aha, I finally said it. I want to ask if you will say it! I still need a pair of trousers. You should have trousers that you can lend me?"

Luc took off my bathrobe and threw it on the bed, and pulled on the pants he had chosen.He combed his hair in front of the mirror, straightening a knot that had fallen across his forehead. "I should cut my hair, don't you think? You know, I'm starting to lose my hair. It seems to be genetic. My dad's head is as bald as an airport for mosquitos. I think my Soon there will be an airstrip bald on the top of my head. What do you think of me?" He turned to me and asked. "What you want to know is what 'her' looks like. Sophie must think that you look very sexy in my clothes."

"What were you thinking? It's just that I'm glad I rarely get to take off my apron and dress up once in a while, that's all." Sophie rings the bell, and Luc rushes to meet her.The sparkle in his eyes is much brighter than when we were children and successfully tricked Mag. Sophie was wearing a navy sweater and a knee-length plaid skirt, both of which she had bought at a thrift store that afternoon.She asked us what we thought of her retro-inspired look. "Superior for you." Luc replied. Sophie seemed pleased with his assessment, for she followed Luc into the kitchen without waiting for an answer.

During the meal, Luc admitted to us that he sometimes misses certain moments in his student life, but he immediately clarified that it was definitely not the dissection room, nor the corridors of the hospital, nor the emergency department, but those like us An evening of dining together like this moment. After dinner, I stayed at home. This time, it was Luc who spent the night at Sophie's.Before leaving, he promised to come back to see me by the end of the spring.However, life often backfires. In a previous letter, my mother announced that she would come to see me in early March.For her arrival, I reserved a table in advance at her favorite small restaurant, insisted on coordinating with my boss, and took a day off.On Wednesday morning, I went to the station to pick up my mother to get off the train. All the passengers in the train were gone, but my mother was not among the passengers.Suddenly, Luc appeared on the platform, without any luggage, standing stiffly opposite me.From his weeping expression, I immediately understood that the world had collapsed and everything would never be the same again.

Luc approached slowly and I wished he never came up to me and said what he was about to say. A wave of people surrounded me, a group of travelers going to the gate of the military station.I wish I could be one of them, to feel like the earth can keep turning while my world stops momentarily.As if nothing had happened. Luke said: "Brother, your mother has passed away." I suddenly felt a sharp knife cut my internal organs.When the sobs seized me and Luc took me in his arms, I still remember howl I let out on the platform, a howl from the depths of my childhood.Luc hugged me tightly to keep me from lying on the ground, and he whispered to me, "Scream, scream, I'm right here, old friend."

I'll never see you again, never hear you call my name like you used to do every morning.I can no longer smell the scent that suits you on your clothes.I can no longer share my happiness and sorrow with you.We can no longer talk to each other, and you can no longer arrange the mimosas in the big vase in the living room that I picked for you at the end of January.No longer will you wear your straw hat in summer, the Kashmiri shawl you draped over your shoulders when the first chill of autumn hits.No longer will you light the alcoves on fire while the garden is covered with snow from the twelve.You left before spring came, leaving me without warning.Knowing on the platform that you are no longer eating, I feel more alone than I have ever been in my life.

"My mother died today." I repeated this sentence hundreds of times, but no matter how many times I said it, I couldn't believe it.I will never shake the regret of not being there on the day she died. On the platform of Huocao Station, Luc explained to me what happened.He had suggested to my mother that he would pick her up at home and take her to the train, so he was the one who found my mother lying coldly lying in front of the door.Although Luc called for help, it was too late, she had passed away the night before.She probably passed out while going out to close the shutters, and died suddenly of cardiac arrest.Mama spent the last night lying on the garden plot, staring wide-eyed at the stars.

We went back on the train together.Luc looked at me quietly, and I watched the scenery fly by outside the window, thinking about how many times my mother had admired the same scenery when she came to visit me in the car.I even forgot to cancel an earlier reservation at her favorite diner. She was waiting for me at the funeral home.Mom is unbelievably thoughtful.The person in charge of the funeral home told me that she had already taken care of everything.She was waiting for me in the coffin, pale and with a reassuring smile, a mother's way of telling me that everything was going to be fine, and she kept watching over me, just like the first day of school .I put my lips on her cheek, and dedicated my mother's last kiss, just like the curtain of childhood fell forever.I kept vigil for my mother all night, just as she had guarded me through countless nights. As teenagers, we dreamed of the day we would be away from our parents.But another day, it was our parents who left us.So we can only dream.Could there be a moment to be a child again under the roof of a host parent, to be able to hug them, tell them without shame that we love them, and cuddle up to them for our own peace of mind. The priest presides at Mass at his mother's grave.I listened to him preach, and he said that people never lose their parents, even after death, they are still with you.Those who have feelings for you and gave you all your love so that you could live for them will live in your hearts forever and will not disappear. The pastor is right, but when you think that there is no place in the world to breathe them, you will never hear their voices again, and the shutters of the old house of your childhood will be closed forever, you will fall into the trap of even God. In the loneliness that cannot be felt. I never stop thinking about my mother, she is present in every moment of my life.When you see a movie, you think she might like it; when you hear a song, you think she will hum it.And on a sunny day, when I smell a woman passing by, the fragrance wafting in the air will remind me of her; I even whisper to her occasionally.The pastor had a point, God or not, a mother is never totally dead, she lives forever in the hearts of the children she loved.I hope that someday, when I am raising children, I will also earn a permanent place in the hearts of my children. Almost the whole village was in attendance, and even Mugg showed up unexpectedly.With a leather ribbon draped across his chest, the fool had managed to elect the mayor.Luc's dad closed the shop for the funeral.The headmistress came too, she's been retired for a long time, but she cried more than anyone else, and kept calling me "my little darling".Sophie was coming too, and Luc had notified her, so she came by the first train in the morning.I don't know why, but seeing them holding hands brought me a great deal of comfort.After the funeral procession disbanded, I stood alone in front of the tomb. I took out a photo from my purse that I never left, a photo of my dad holding me.I put the bag in front of my mother's grave, in order to see our family of three reunited together for the last time on this day. After the funeral, Luc drove me to the door in his old van, which he ended up buying the same car he had leased back then. "Do you want me to accompany you in?" "No, thank you, stay with Sophie." "We can't just leave you alone, especially on a night like this." "I think that's what I'm craving. You know, I haven't set foot here in months, and I can still feel her presence on the walls. I promise you, even if she's sleeping in the cemetery, I And spend this last night with her." Luc hesitated to leave.He smiled and said to me, "You know what, at school we were all obsessed with your mom." "I don't know about it." "She's not the prettiest mother in the class, but I'm sure even Stupid Mag likes her." The idiot managed to force a smile out of me.I got out of the car and watched him drive away before walking into the house. I found out that Mom didn't repaint the house.I flipped through her medical papers on the low table in the living room, and when I saw the date on her ultrasound, I knew it all.Her so-called week-long vacation with friends in the South never happened; she had a heart problem since late winter, and she was being checked into the hospital when I went to the seaside with Luc and Sophie.She made up the trip because she didn't want me to worry about her.The purpose of my medical study was to take care of my mother's ailment, but I didn't realize that she was already sick. I went to the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, and saw the dinner she had prepared... I stood dumbfounded in front of the open refrigerator, tears streaming down my face uncontrollably.I didn't cry throughout the funeral, as if she forbade me to cry because she wanted me not to lose my composure in front of the crowd.It’s only when we come across small, unremarkable details that we suddenly realize the fact that a loved one is no longer there: the alarm clock on the bedside table is still ticking, a pillow is left on the side of a messy bed, a The photograph stood on the chest of drawers, a toothbrush was inserted in a mug, a teapot stood on the kitchen window sill with the spout facing the window so as to look at the garden, and the ones on the table were dripping with leftovers. Apple Kaka Cake with Maple Syrup. My childhood used to be here, dissipated in this house full of memories, and the memories are about my mother and about our life together. I remembered my mother telling me she found a box and I climbed up to the attic on a full moon night. The box was placed in a prominent place on the floor, and there was a note in my mother's own handwriting on the lid. I opened the box and found all the letters my dad had sent me, every Christmas and every year on my birthday.I sat cross-legged on the ground in front of the skylight, watched the moon rise into the sky at night, hugged my father's letter tightly to my chest, and murmured: "Mom, how could you do this to me!" Then my shadow stretched across the floor, and I vaguely saw the figure of my mother beside the shadow, crying and laughing at me.The moon continues to patrol the world, and the mother's shadow gradually fades away. I can't sleep at all.My room was so quiet that there was no sound from the adjoining room, the sounds to which I had been accustomed were gone, and the folds of the drapery remained sadly still.I looked at my watch. Luc had a three o'clock break in the morning. I wanted to go see him.This idea drove me, and I closed the door without hesitation, letting my steps lead me forward. I turned into the alley, hidden in the shadows of the night.I saw my best friend sitting in a chair, having a lively conversation with his dad.I didn't want to interrupt them, so I turned around and kept walking, not knowing where to go.I walked to the iron gate of the school.The door was ajar, and I pushed it open and walked in. The playground was empty and silent, or so I thought.Just as I was approaching the buckeye tree, a voice stopped me. "I knew I could find you here." I was startled and turned around. Ivan was sitting on the bench looking at me. "Come and sit next to me. We should have a lot to talk about after all this time." I sat down beside him and asked him what he was doing here. "I attended your mother's funeral. I'm so sorry. Your mother was a lady I respected very much. As I was a little late, I stood at the back of the funeral procession." I was so touched that Ivan came to my mom's funeral. "What are you doing in the school playground?" he asked me. "I don't have an idea, I'm having a rough day." "I knew you'd come. I didn't just come to your mother's funeral, I wanted to see you. You still have the same eyes as before, and while I always believed that, I wanted to make sure." "why?" "Because I think we both want to go back and get some memories back before they fade away." "What happened to you afterwards?" "Like you, I changed my field of life and built a new life. But you were still a primary school student, what did you do after you left this school and this small town?" "I'm a doctor. Well—almost. But I didn't even notice that my own mother was sick. I thought I could see things in other people's eyes, but I didn't know that I was better than them." blind." "Do you still remember what I told you, if one day you have something in your heart but don't have the courage to say it, you can trust me and tell me that I will never betray you. Maybe if you don't say it tonight, you will never have another chance... " "I lost my mum yesterday and she never mentioned her illness to me, and tonight I found a letter from my dad that she had hidden in the attic. Once people start lying, they don't know what to do anymore stop." "What did your father write to you? If it's not private." "He said that he would come to see me every year when I received the award. He always stood far behind the iron gate. I was so close to him but so far away." "Did he say nothing else?" "Yes, he confessed to me that he finally gave up. He left my mother for that woman and had a son with her. I have an extra half brother who seems to be very similar to me. Now I Got a real shadow. Funny, right?" "What are you going to do?" "I don't know. In his last letter, my dad talked about his cowardice, he said he wanted to build a future for his new family, he never had the courage to ask them to accept his past. I know now, his love Where have they all gone?" "The difference between you and other children when you were young is that you have the ability to feel misfortune, not only about yourself, but also about other people. And you are just growing up now." Ivan smiled at me, then asked me a strange question. "If you met the grown-up you when you were a child, do you think the two of you will get along well and become accomplices?" "Who are you?" I asked him. "A man who refuses to grow up, a school guard who you set free, or a fictional shadow you made up when you needed a friend, it all depends on your definition. I owe you a debt, and I think tonight is repaid Good timing. Speaking of good timing, do you remember that romantic encounter I told you about? I remember you were going through your first disillusionment.” "That's right, I remembered, I was pretty depressed that day too." "You know what good timing is for reunion moments too. You should hang around the back of my tool closet, I think you left something there. Something that belongs to you. Go! I'm here Wait for you." I got up and went to the back of the cabin, but even though I looked around, I couldn't find anything in particular. I heard Ivan's voice telling me to search carefully.I knelt on the ground, and the clear moonlight illuminated the ground as clear as day, but I still found nothing.The wind started to howl, and a gust of wind kicked up the dust, blowing it all over my face and closing my eyelids.I found a handkerchief and wiped my eyes, and I was able to see again.In my jacket pocket (the exact one I wore to the concert) I found a piece of paper signed by a cellist. I walked back to the bench, and Ivan was gone, and the playground was empty again.In the seat where he had just sat, an envelope was crushed under a small stone.I opened the letter, and inside was a photocopied letter, printed on a very beautiful letter paper slightly yellowed with age. I sat alone on the bench and read these words again.Maybe it's because my mother wrote in her letter that her biggest wish is that I can grow up happily in the future; she expects me to find a job that makes me happy, no matter what choices I make in life, whether I will love or To be loved and to hope that I will live up to all the expectations she has placed on me.This time, maybe it was these sentences that freed me from the shackles that had kept me in my childhood. The next day, I closed the blinds at home, said goodbye to Luc again, and got into my mother's old car, which I drove all day.In the evening, I arrived in the coastal town.I parked the car in front of the jetty.Step over the chains of the old lighthouse, climb to the top, and take down my kite. As soon as she saw me coming, the proprietress of the small hotel showed a more apologetic face than last time. "I still don't have a room," she told me with a sigh. "It doesn't matter at all. I just came to see an old man who lives in a boarding house. I know where to find him." Madame Bouchard was sitting in the armchair, she got up and came to me. "I didn't expect you to deliver on your promise, what a pleasant surprise." I confessed to her that I hadn't come to see her.She dropped her eyes, saw the bag in my hand, glimpsed the kite in the other, and smiled. "You are very lucky. I dare not say that he is conscious today, but he is still in good condition. He is in the room. I will take you there." We went upstairs together, she knocked on the door, and we went into the little grocer's room. "Come again, Leo," said Madame Bouchard. "Really? I'm not waiting for anyone." He replied while putting the book on the bedside table. I approached him and gave him my poor eagle kite. He stared at the kite for a while, then his face suddenly lit up. "It's so funny. I once gave a little boy a kite that looked exactly like it. His mother was stingy and didn't want to give him this birthday present. In order not to make his mother unhappy, the little boy put Leave the kite with me and take it away the next morning," he said. "I lied to you. My mother is the kindest lady. If I asked her, she would buy me all the kites in the world." "It's true, I know it's a lie fabricated by that kid," the old man didn't listen to me, and continued, "But the little guy looks very sad that he can't get the kite, so I can't help but want to put Kite for him. Alas, I have seen many little children standing in front of my little grocery store longing for it" "Can you fix it?" I asked him excitedly. "It should be fixed," he said to me, as if he only heard half of what I said, "it will not fly as it is now." "That's exactly what this young man is requesting. Leo, please pay attention to what he says. It's very nerve-wracking." "Mrs. Bouchard, since this is the reason why this young man came to me, instead of teaching me here, it is better to help me buy kite repair tools, so that I can start working immediately." Leo made a list of the tools he needed, and I took the list and rushed to the hardware store.Madame Bouchard accompanied me to the door and whispered in my ear that if I happened to pass by the tobacco shop, she would be the happiest woman in the world. I returned to the inn an hour later, both tasks accomplished. The owner of the small grocery store made an appointment with me on the beach at noon the next day. He couldn't guarantee anything, but he would try his best. I invited Mrs. Bouchard to dinner and we talked about Claire and I told her everything.As I walked her back to the hotel, she whispered an idea in my ear. I found a vacant room in a small hotel in the city center and passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow. At noon, I was standing on the beach, and the owner of the small grocery store arrived on time accompanied by Mrs. Bouchard.He unfurls the kite.Proudly showing me that the wings have been patched, the backbone has been repaired, and although my "Eagle" looks a bit battered, it is still in full glory. "You can try to let it fly for a short distance, but be careful, it is not the flying eagle of the past after all." Two small 5's and a big 8', the kite flew up along with a gust of wind, the spool turned rapidly, and Leo kept applauding.Madame Bouchard embraced him and rested her head on his shoulder.He blushed, and she apologized to him, but remained in the same position. "Just because we're widows," she said, "doesn't mean we don't need a little tenderness." I thanked them both and said goodbye to them on the beach.I still have a long drive to go, and I can't wait to get back. I called the director with the excuse that I would be back at work two days late because my mother's funeral would take a little longer than expected.I know that once a person starts lying, it's hard not to keep going.But I can't control that much, everyone has their own reasons.This time, I also have my own reasons. I showed up at the conservatory in the afternoon and the guards recognized me right away.His throat has healed, he said, letting me into his office.I asked him if he could help me one more time. This time, I'm looking for Claire Norman's latest concert times and locations. "I don't know anything about it, but if you want to see her, she's in room 105 at the end of the corridor on the first floor. But you'll have to wait a little longer, she's teaching a class at this time, and the class doesn't start until four o'clock." Finish." I was not well dressed, my hair was messed up, and I was unshaven. I thought of a thousand reasons to stop myself from going there, and I wasn't ready yet.But in the end I couldn't resist the desire to see her. Her classroom is a transparent glass cubicle.I stood for a while, watching her from the corridor, where she was teaching a group of young children.I put my hand on the glass and one of the students turned his head and stopped playing as soon as he saw me.I quickly lowered my body and left in embarrassment like a fool. I'm waiting for Claire on the street.As soon as she walked out of the conservatory, she tied up her hair and walked to the bus stop with her schoolbag.I followed her as if chasing her shadow.The sun was shining behind her, and he was walking in front of me.Just a few steps away. She got on the bus, and I sat in the front row, looking out the window, and Claire sat in the back seat.Every time the bus stops, I feel a rush of heartbeat.After six stops, Claire got off the train. She walked out into the street without turning around at all.I watched her push open the door of a small building.A few minutes later, two windows on the fourth floor, the highest floor, were lit, and her figure moved between the kitchen and the living room, her room facing the yard. I sat and waited on the long street by the side of the road, my eyes never leaving her window.At six o'clock, a couple walked into the building and the lights on the third floor came on.At seven o'clock, it was an old gentleman who lived on the second floor.At ten o'clock, the lights in Claire's apartment went out.I lingered awhile before leaving, full of joy—Claire lived alone. The next morning, I returned to the original place.In the morning, the wind of Hexi was blowing slightly, and I brought my kite.Just as it unfolded, the "Eagle"'s wings puffed up, and then flew up quickly.Several pedestrians stopped to watch with great interest, and then continued on their way.The patched eagle kite climbed up the building's facade and twirled a few times in front of the fourth-floor windows. Claire was making tea in the kitchen when she noticed the kite, and she couldn't believe her eyes, shattering her breakfast cup on the tiles. A few minutes later, the door of the building opened and Claire rushed towards me.She stared at me intently, smiled at me, and put her hand in mine, not to shake my hand, but to grab the handle of the kite. In the sky of the city, she made a big S and countless perfect 8s with a paper eagle. Claire has always been good at writing poems in the air, and when I finally understood the sentences she wrote, I read: "I miss you." A girl who can write "I miss you" to you with a kite is really unforgettable. As the sun rose, our shadows trailed side by side on the sidewalk.Suddenly, I saw my shadow lean over and kiss Claire's shadow. then.Ignoring my embarrassment, I took off my glasses and imitated Shadow's movements. Just this morning, in the small abandoned lighthouse beside the jetty in the distance, the tower light seemed to start turning again, and the shadow of memory was whispering all this to me. (full text)