Chapter 5 Chapter 5 Sophie's Injury

I am just a shadow in your life, but you occupy an important position in my life.If I'm just a simple passerby, why let me break into your life?I have thought about leaving you thousands of times, but I can't do it on my own. Ten days after returning from home, I received my first letter from my mother. Like every letter from her, she asked how I was doing and looked forward to hearing from me soon.Usually it would be several weeks after I was back before I was motivated to pick up a pen and live up to my mother's expectations.Growing children are always not very warm to their parents out of an almost pure selfishness.I felt very guilty about this, so I put all my mother's letters into a box and placed it on the shelf of the bookcase to represent my heart.

After Sophie and I sneaked back from our busy schedules, we hardly saw each other, and we didn't even spend the night together.During my sojourn in my childhood home, an invisible line ran between us that neither she nor I was able to successfully cross.But when I write a letter to my mother, I end it with Sophie giving her a kiss as a greeting.The day after I made up this lie, I went to Sophie when she was on duty and confessed to her that I missed her.The next day, she accepted my invitation to go to the movies together, but after the show, she chose to go home alone. For a month, Sophie had been courted by a pediatric intern and decided to put an end to our ambiguous relationship (or "I"'s uncertain attitude, I should say).It annoyed me to learn that other men were threatening to take all the kisses I wasn't sure were mine, and I was desperate to win her back.So, two weeks later, with our bodies wrapped in my sheets, I've ridden the intruder, life is back on track, and the smile is back on my face.

At the beginning of September, after returning home after a long shift, Jian found a big surprise in the stairwell. Luc sits on a small suitcase, looking disturbed but delighted. "I've been waiting for you, bastard," he said, standing up. "I hope you have something to eat, because I'm starving." "Why are you here?" I asked him, opening the door to the suite. "My dad kicked me out," Luc took off his coat and slumped into the only armchair in the room.I opened a can of fish for him, and spread napkins and cutlery on the suitcase as a low table, while Luc narrated the story enthusiastically.

"I don't know what happened to my old man. You know, the morning you left, after the resting period for the dough to rise, I was surprised he didn't come back to the bakery, I thought he was asleep, maybe even a little Worried that I told you the whole truth. I didn't expect that when I opened the door facing the alley, he was sitting in a chair and crying. I asked him what happened, and he didn't want to answer. He asked me to forget what I just saw and not tell my mother anything. I promised him. But since that day, he has changed; usually, he is very strict with me at work, and I know this It is he who wants to teach me how to learn this job well. I don’t blame him, and I know that Grandpa didn’t let him relax. But since that day, he has been treating me better and better, almost loving; When I made a mistake in shaping, he didn't scold me, but walked up to me, showed me again, and said 'it's okay' to me every time, and said that he had made a mistake. I swear to you that I totally Confused. He even took me in his arms one night, and I almost thought he was crazy, and the reason I couldn't believe it at all was that he had fired me like an apprentice the day before; point, he looked me in the eye and told me I was so clumsy. It was because I wasn't made to be a baker, and that instead of wasting my time and his, I should go to town and try my luck. He also Said I used to have only this way because at the time, it was the way people thought happiness was. He was angry when he said these words to me. At lunch, he announced to my mother that I was leaving At home, and he was going to close the shop that afternoon. At the dinner table at night, no one said a word, and my mother kept crying. At the end of the table, she was still teary. Every time I walked into the kitchen, she came over and hugged me. and whispered that she had never been this happy. My mom was crying because my dad kicked me out... I promise you, my parents must be crazy! I checked the calendar three times to make sure it wasn't April 1st April Fool's Day.

"In the morning, my dad came to my room to find me and asked me to change my clothes. We got into his car and drove for eight hours. We didn't talk for eight hours, except he asked me if I was hungry at noon. When we arrived in the evening, he Put me at the door of this building and tell me you live here. How on earth did he know? But I can't control that much! He got out of the car, took out my suitcase from the trunk, put it in my He then handed me an envelope and told me that although it was only a small amount, it was already the limit he could give me. With this amount of money, I should be able to last for a while. Then he sat back in the driver's seat and drove leave."

"Didn't tell you anything else?" I asked. "Well, just before starting the car, he announced to me: 'If you find you're as bad a doctor as a baker, come home and I'll pass on the craft to you this time.' Can you Did you understand anything from it?" I opened my only bottle of wine—a gift from Sophie, though we didn't drink it the night she gave me—and poured two large glasses.As I toasted, I declared to Luc: No, I didn't get anything from his dad's words at all. I helped my friend fill out all the necessary forms to enroll in his first year of medical school, and I accompanied him to the administration office, where he contributed a large portion of his dad's financial aid.The course starts in October, and we will go to class together, of course not sitting side by side in the same classroom, but we can meet each other in the small garden of the campus from time to time.Even without the Buckeyes and basketball hoop, we will quickly reshape our get out of class time.

I thanked his shadow the first time we met in the little garden. Luc lives in my house and our cohabitation life couldn't be easier because our timings are completely opposite.He had my bed all to himself while I was on the night shift, and he was out in class when I got home.The few times we shared a suite, he spread the comforter by the window, rolled the blanket into a ball for a pillow, and slept curled up like a dormouse. In November, he confessed to me that he had a crush on a female classmate with whom he often reviewed homework; Annabelle was five years his junior, but he swore she was more feminine than girls her age.

In early December, Luc asked me to do him a big favor.So that night, I knocked on Sophie's door, and she greeted me in bed.Luc and Annabelle's relationship drew me closer to Sophie, and I spent more and more nights at her house, and Annabelle spent more and more nights at my house.Every Sunday night, Luc would restart the stove in my suite and treat us to his pastry skills, and I lost count of how many quiches and pies we ate.At the end of dinner, Sophie and I would let Luc and Annabelle have an intimate "review". I haven't seen my mother since the beginning of summer.She canceled her fall visit because she was too tired to travel.She wrote to me that the house was getting old, like him, and that she had started repainting, and that the smell of volatile chemicals made her sick.On the phone, she kept reassuring me that I had nothing to worry about, and that she would be fine after a few weeks of rest.She also made me promise to go back and watch the run for Christmas, which was just around the corner.

I had already bought a gift for her, picked up the reserved train ticket, and made an arrangement that I would not be on duty on December 24th.However a bus driver and thin ice on the ground ruined my plans.According to eyewitnesses, the bus first hit a guardrail and then fell to the ground due to an out-of-control skid. Forty-eight passengers in the bus were injured and sixteen passengers were thrown onto the sidewalk.I was preparing my luggage when my beeper rang on the bedside table. I called the hospital and all the trainee doctors were mobilized. The lobby of the emergency room was in chaos, the nurses were too busy, all the emergency check-ups were occupied, and people were running around in all directions.The most seriously injured waited to be wheeled into the operating room in turn, while the less injured had to wait patiently on stretchers in the hallway.As a stretcher bearer, Luc shuttled between the ambulances that kept arriving here and the dispatch room. This was the first time we worked together.He was pale, and I watched him carefully every time he passed me.

When the firefighters handed him a man with a cavity and ribs protruding vertically from his calf, I saw him turn to me, blue in the face, and slowly slide towards the automatic door.Then collapsed on the checkerboard floor tiles.I rushed over to help him up, put him on the chair in the observation room, and let him slowly regain consciousness. The storm lasted most of the night, and by early morning the emergency room was like a military hospital hours after a major war, with blood and gauze all over the floor.After everything calmed down, the emergency team scrambled to get things back on track.

Luc was still sitting in the chair I had put him in earlier.I went to sit next to him and he buried his head between his knees, forcing him to look up at me. "It's all over," I told him. "You've just survived your first experience of being miserable, and unlike what you think, you've survived." Luc sighed, he looked around, and rushed outside again to vomit.I followed him closely so that I could support him at all times. "What did you mean I made it through?" he asked me, leaning against the wall. "It's a bloody scary Christmas Eve and I assure you you're doing well." "What you're saying is, I'm acting like a piece of crap. Not only did I pass out, I threw up just now. I guess that's the best pout for a med student." "Let me tell you, I passed out the first day I entered the dissection room, so you should feel at ease." "Thank you for the notice. My first anatomy class is next Monday." "Just watch, everything will go through smoothly." Luc looked at me with burning eyes. "No, nothing is right, I used to knead dough, not living flesh; I used to cut bread, not bloody shirts and trousers, especially I never heard of butter bread dying. Scream, even if I put a knife in my bun. Man, I'm really asking myself if this is the right thing to do." "Luc, most medical students will encounter the same doubts. You will get used to it over time. You can't imagine how much satisfaction it will bring to take care of a patient." "I've used chocolate bread to take care of many people before, and I assure you, it works every time." Luc replied as he took off his white robe. I met him at home when the day was a little brittle, and he had been sulking empty, emptying his handbags and putting his clothes back in his special chest of drawers. "This is my little sister's first Christmas without me, how do I explain my absence to her on the phone?" "Tell the truth, old friend, and tell her how you spent your night." "To my eleven-year-old sister? Don't you have any other suggestions?" "You spent Christmas Eve helping the less fortunate. What do you think your family can blame you for? Besides, you might have gotten on this bus that wrecked, so stop complaining." "I might have been home already! I've had enough of this place, enough of this city, enough of the lecture theaters, enough of these textbooks that I eat day and night." "Maybe you should tell me what's wrong?" I asked Luc. "Annabella, that's the problem. I used to dream about having an affair with a woman. You can't imagine how much I wanted it. Every time my dad told me to come back to my senses, it was because I was fuzzy. Fantasizing about some girl. Well, now that it's happened, I have only one desire - to be single again. I'll even blame you for not being able to commit and maintain a relationship with Sophie. The first time I saw him was in Your mother’s house, I told myself, this is really a flower stuck in cow dung.” "Thank you." "I'm sorry, but I can see clearly that you don't care about her at all. It's too much for such a nice girl." "Are you implying to me that you're in love with Sophie?" "Don't be silly, if that's the case, I won't be using hints. I'm just going to tell you that I'm getting confused and I'm tired of Annabelle, she's not funny at all, and she thinks too much of herself , think I'm superior to me, just because I grew up in the country." "What happened to make you feel this way?" "She went home to spend the holidays with her family. I suggested to her to go and find her, but I deeply felt that she didn't want to introduce me to her parents. We are not from the same world." "Don't you think you're exaggerating a bit? Maybe she's afraid that things will be settled? It's not a small thing to introduce someone to the family. After all, it symbolizes something. It's a big step in a relationship. .” "You thought of all this when you took Sophie to see your mother?" I looked at Luc silently.No, I didn't think of all that when I spontaneously proposed to Sophie to come home with me, and I only think now of the inferences she should have drawn from it.My selfishness and stupidity explained the distance she had kept from me since the beginning of autumn, and my complete refusal to propose to her for Christmas.Our friendly love has faded, and I'm the only one who hasn't noticed.Leaving Luc and his gloom behind, I hurried to the phone to call Sophie.No one answered.Could it be that she saw my calling number and was unwilling to answer the phone? I called my mom and apologized for my missed appointment.She told me not to worry, she was totally understanding. She assured me that our gift exchange could be postponed and that she would do her best to move up her spring trip to see me in February. I was on duty on New Year's Eve. I originally exchanged this night for my free time on Christmas Eve, but I didn't expect to suffer a lot.Luc had already jumped on the train home to join the family, and I hadn't heard from Sophie.I sat in a chair by the door to the ER, waiting for the first party-seekers to report to me after the party.This night, I had an adventure. The old woman was brought to the emergency department by the firefighters at eleven o'clock in the evening. She was lying on a stretcher, and I was surprised by her happy expression. "What puts you in such a good mood?" I asked her, taking her blood pressure. "It's hard to explain, you can't understand." She answered me with a sneer. "Give me a chance to try it out!" "I promise, you'll think I'm crazy." The old woman sat up from the stretcher and looked at me carefully. "I know you!" she yelled. "You've got the wrong person," I told her, thinking I'd have to get her scanned further. "You, you're calling me an old fool, and wondering if you should check me up. But you're the dumbest of the two of us, dear." "As you said!" "You live on the right side of the fifth floor, and I happen to live above you. So, young man, who is more confused between the two of us?" Ever since I entered medical school, I had feared that I would one day be reunited with my dad in the same situation, but this night, it was my neighbor, not in the stairwell of the building, but in the emergency room.I've moved there for five years, and for five years I've heard her footsteps overhead, the whistle of her kettle, the squeak of her window, and I've never wondered who it was Living there, I have never imagined what this person who is so close to me in daily life looks like.Luc is right, the big city is maddening, it sucks your soul out and spits it out like chewing gum. "Don't be so prudish, big boy. Just because I've collected packages for you two or three times, don't feel indebted to me and should come to visit me. We passed each other several times in the stairwell, but the speed at which you go upstairs Too fast, and even if your shadow tries to chase you, you'll throw it on a certain floor." "It's really interesting what you said," I replied, watching her glare with a lamp. "Where's the fun?" She was surprised and closed her eyelids. "It's all right. Maybe you can tell me what makes you so happy?" "No, now that I know you are my neighbor, I don't want to talk about it. Speaking of which, I would like to ask you to do me a favor." "Please say." "I'd appreciate it if you could advise your friends to keep the volume down when they're having sex with their girlfriends. I'm fine with young people's games, but at my age, alas, we're light sleepers." "Don't worry, you won't hear anything again, as far as I know, they are already breaking up." "Oh, I'm such a dreamy old woman, I'm so sorry. Well, if it's all right, can I go home?" "I must let you stay in the hospital for observation. This is my duty." "What else do you want to observe?" "you!" "Okay, I'll save you some trouble. I'm an old woman you won't even give a second glance, and I slipped in the kitchen. Nothing to watch or check, just help me put this Just bandage the swollen heel." "Lie down, we'll send you for an X-ray, and if there's no broken bones, I can take you home after my shift." "Because we are neighbors, I will give you three hours, otherwise, I will go home on my own." I ordered an X-ray and left the old lady with a stretcher bearer before returning to work.New Year's Eve was the worst time for the emergency department. From half past twelve in the middle of the night, the first batch of patients came to report.Too much alcohol, too much food, the way some people celebrate holidays always baffles me. I went to see my neighbor in the early morning and she was in a wheelchair with a bag on her lap and a bandage on her foot. "Fortunately, you became a doctor. If you were a driver, you would have been fired a long time ago. Are you going to take me away now?" "I don't get off work in half an hour. Is your heel still hurting?" "It's just a sprain, you don't need to see a doctor to tell. If you can go to the vending machine and buy me a cup of coffee, I can wait for you a little longer; just a little while, not too long." I went to the vending machine to bring her a cup of coffee, and she wiped her lips on the rim of the cup, gave me a disgusted look, and pointed to the trash can next to the pillar. The emergency room was empty. I took off my white robe, took the coat from the duty room, and pushed the wheelchair out. While waiting for a taxi, the ambulance driver who had just come off duty recognized me and asked where I was going.He kindly offered to give us a ride, and even more kindly helped me carry my neighbor upstairs with me.When we reached the sixth floor, we were both out of breath.My neighbor handed me the keys and the ambulance driver left.I assist the old lady in the armchair. I promised that she would come to see him again and bring him whatever he might need, and with the frailty of her heels, it would be best not to climb the stairs for a while.I scribbled my phone number on a piece of paper, put the note in a conspicuous place on the small round table, and asked the old lady to promise to call me as soon as I had any questions.Unexpectedly, as soon as I left, her call came. "You're not a curious person, you didn't even ask my name." "Alice, your name is Alice, it's written on your document." "My date of birth is also there?" "yes." "Really annoying." "I didn't calculate your age." "You're very handsome, but I don't believe it. Yes, I'm ninety-two, and I know I look like ninety!" "It's far less than this age, I thought you only had..." "Shut up, no matter how old you say, it's too much for me. You're really not a curious person. I haven't told you why I was happy when I arrived at the hospital." "I forgot." I confessed to her. "Then come to my kitchen, you'll find a bag of ground coffee in the cupboard over the sink, do you know how to use the coffee machine?" "I think, it should be." "Anyway, it can't be worse than that drink you bought me earlier." I made as much coffee as I could and walked back to the living room with the tray.Alice poured us each a glass, she drank his without commenting, I should have passed my test. "Okay, why were you in such a good mood last night?" I said, "It's nothing to be happy about getting hurt." Alice bent over the low table and handed me a box of biscuits. "My kids bore me more than you can imagine! I can't stand the content of their conversation, my son's wife and my daughter's husband even more. They just waste their time whining and talking about their little world You know, I'm a former French teacher, so it's not hard to teach them to read poetry, but these two idiots are only interested in numbers. I was trying to avoid going to my daughter-in-law on New Year's Eve Home, in other words, it was a miserable day, my daughter-in-law was cooking with her feet, and even a turkey could roast herself better than her. In order not to catch the train yesterday morning, I arrived at Meeting them at their bleak country mansion, I made the excuse that I sprained my ankle, and they all pretended to be sorry: I assure you, it's only five minutes, not a minute more." "What if one of them decides to drive you?" "Totally impossible. My daughter and my son have been competing on who is more selfish since they were sixteen, and now they are in their forties, and they still can't tell the difference. Before I slipped, I was talking to myself in the kitchen. In other words, I should have waited until they came back from vacation and pretended to wrap a bandage around their ankles to match my lies. Unexpectedly, they slipped and found themselves on all fours. At eleven forty-five, The firemen came and I tried to open the door for them, six handsome guys were in my apartment, what could be better for me than New Year's Eve, let alone eating my daughter-in-law's fire Chicken, I have nothing more to ask for! The firemen checked me out and strapped me on a stretcher to carry me downstairs. At midnight, just as we were going to the hospital, I asked the captain if he could wait for me A few minutes. Since my condition is not critical, he agreed. I treated them to chocolate, and we waited together for a while..." "What are you waiting for?" "What do you think? Waiting for the phone to ring, of course! It turned out that this year people still couldn't decide who was the winner of my two chicks. I kept laughing when I got to the hospital because my ankle kept swollen from being on the fire truck." , finally, I got the bandage I wanted." I helped Alice into bed, turned on the TV, and let her rest.As soon as I got home, I was in a hurry to call my mother. January is a cold day.Luc came home from home showing unprecedented motivation for his studies, where his dad kept pissing him off and his sister spent far more time playing video games than talking to him.On my request, Luc went to visit my mother, and he thought she was not looking well.Mom asked him to bring me a letter and a Christmas gift kiss. P.S. If you don't like the color of this scarf, there's no way, you don't have to change it, I knitted it for you.It's normal if the scarf is a bit baggy, this is my first and last knitting and I hate knitting. I unwrapped it and wrapped the scarf around my neck, and Luc immediately laughed at me.The scarf is purple and much wider at one end than the other, but once it's on you can't tell.This scarf, I wore it all winter. Sophie shows up in the last days of the first week of January.I used to go to her every night when she was on duty and never met her there.This time she came to see me in the emergency department, and on the day she came back, her tanned skin did not match the pale complexion around her face.She said she needed to get some air a while ago.I took her to the little coffee shop across from the hospital to have dinner together before returning to work. "where did you go?" "As you can see, go to the sun." "one person?" "With a female friend." "Who?" "I have a group of childhood close friends too! How is your mother?" She let me sing a monologue for a long time, and suddenly, she put her hand on mine and looked at me resolutely. "How long have you been with me?" she asked me. "Why ask that question?" "Answer me. When was our first time?" "The day our lips first touched was when I visited you during your shift," I replied without hesitation. Sophie looked at me apologetically. "Or the day I bought you ice cream at the park?" I continued. Her face darkened even more. "I'm asking you for a date." I need to think for a few seconds and she doesn't give me room to breathe. "The first time we had sex, it was two years ago today. You don't even remember it. We hadn't seen each other for two weeks, and we were celebrating our second anniversary in this shabby little shop across from the hospital, just because we had to be there before shift." Swallow something. I really can't be your best friend and your lover. You're ready for the whole world, even for a stranger you meet in the morning, and I, I'm just you in the storm The buoy that you hold on tightly from time to time, and you let go when the weather clears. You have cared for Luc more in the past few months than you have for me in two years. Whether you admit it or not, we are no longer indulging our youth on the school playground I'm just a shadow in your life and you're a big part of my life, and it hurts. Why did you take me to your mother? Why did you create an intimate moment in the attic? If I Just a simple passer-by, why did you let me break into your life? I have thought about leaving you a thousand times, but I can't do it on my own. So, please do me a favor and help us do this or, if you believe there is still something we can share, even if it's just a matter of time, find a way for us to continue this story." Sophie got up to leave.Through the glass, I saw her waiting for the green light on the sidewalk.It was raining outside, and she turned up the collar of her coat, and for some reason, this pointless little gesture made me damn want her.I emptied my pockets and threw the money on the table to pay the bill.He rushed out anxiously to catch up with her.We kissed in the freezing rain, and in that kiss I apologized for the hurt I had caused her.And how do I know that I will hurt her next time and apologize to her again for it.But I didn't expect at all at the moment that my desire for her was so real. A toothbrush inserted in a mouthwash cup, two or three pieces of clothing in the cabinet, a bedside alarm clock, and a few books with me. I left the suite to Luc and moved into Sophie's house.I still go back to my house every day, just to have a look, like a sailor goes to the pier to inspect the cables.I would walk upstairs every time I got the chance, and Alice's reactions were so adorable, and it made her happy when we chatted on and on about her tragic childhood.I had previously entrusted Luc to keep an eye on Alice while I was away to make sure she had everything she needed. one night.We happened to be at Alice's house at the same time, and she made a rather startling argument to us: "Instead of having children and trying to raise them as hard as you can, it's better to adopt grown adults who at least know who they're dealing with. Like you two, I would choose to adopt you immediately." Luc looked at me in astonishment, and Alice, amused by his reaction, went on to say, "Don't be fake, didn't you tell me how annoying your parents are to you! So, why do parents Not entitled to feel the same about their next generation?" Luc froze, unable to answer.I dragged him into the kitchen and surreptitiously explained to him that Alice had a great sense of humor and that she wasn't to blame, that she was dying of grief, and that she was trying in vain to use all her wits to communicate with it in the face of so much grief. She got along with each other, and even tried to hate, but it was all in vain. She loved her children too deeply, so she suffered a lot because of their abandonment. This secret was not revealed to me by Alice herself, but when I went to see her one morning, the sun just shone into her living room, and our shadows happened to be too close. In the first ten days of March, all colleagues in the emergency department were called to hold a meeting. Because the ceiling boards of the suspended ceiling were found to contain asbestos, the special team will repair and replace them. The project will last for three days and three nights.During this period, we will be taken over from another medical center, in other words, all colleagues will be out of work for the whole weekend. I immediately called my mother and told her the good news: I will be able to visit her soon, arriving home on Friday.Mom was silent for a while, and then said she was sorry because she had promised to accompany a female friend to play in the south. This winter was very cold, and a few days in the sun would make them feel better.This trip has been planned for weeks.The hotel deposit has already been paid, and the air ticket is non-refundable, so she doesn't know how to cancel it.She said she really wanted to see me, it was a blunder, and she hoped I would understand and not blame her.Her voice was so feeble that I immediately reassured her that not only was I totally understanding, but I was glad she was willing to get out of the house and travel.By the end of the month spring will be here and when she visits me we will be able to make up for lost time. This night, Sophie was on duty and I was not.Luc was working on his homework and needed help, so after a quick plate of noodles we sat down at our desk, me as the professor and he as the student.In the middle of the night, he threw his biology textbook across the room. I can understand his behavior. In the first grade, facing the looming exam, I felt the same pressure. I wanted to throw everything away and avoid failing the exam. crisis.I picked up my textbook and brought it back like nothing had happened, but Luc had already gone outside, and his uneasiness worried me a bit. "If I don't leave this place for a day or two, I'm going to blow up," he said. "I'm going to donate what's left of me to the medical school. The first human incubator to explode from within itself should set the medical community ablaze." interest. I already foresee that I am lying on the table in the dissecting room, surrounded by a group of young students, at least before I die, the girls will play with my Gu Wan." Hearing this monologue, I realized that my friend really needed to get some air.After considering the situation, I suggested that I accompany him to the countryside to review his homework. "I don't like cows," he answered me, in a mournful voice. There was a silence as I stared into Luc's eyes until he looked away. "Go to the beach," he said, "I want to see the sea, see the endless horizon, the vast open sea and waves, and listen to the cries of seagulls..." "I think I can picture that," I told him. The nearest coastline is 300 kilometers away, and the only train available is a local train, which takes six hours. "Let's rent a car. Although I will spend my money as a stretcher bearer on it, it doesn't matter. I will pay the money. I beg you, take me to the beach." Just as Luc begged me, Sophie opened the door and walked into the suite. "The door is open," she said. "I am not disturbing you?" "I thought you were on duty." "I thought so too. I worked four hours for nothing before I realized I got the date wrong and it took me a while to remember we were on the last shift together so I thought maybe I could have a real night with you. " "What a pity," I replied. Sophie looked at me darkly, her pursed mouth predicting the worst.I widened my eyes and silently asked her what was wrong. "You're going to the beach this weekend, aren't you? If I'm right. Oh, don't make such a face, I'm not eavesdropping outside the door, Luc's voice is so loud that you can hear it from the stairs." "I don't know," I replied. "Since you heard our conversation, you should know that I haven't answered." Luc looked us back and forth like he was sitting on a stadium terrace.Spectators watching a tennis match. "Just do what you want, if you want to spend the weekend together, I'll find something to do, don't worry about me." Luc should have seen through the dilemma I was facing.He bounces.He threw himself at Sophie's feet, grabbed her ankle, and begged her.I also remember that he once performed the same thing in order to escape Mrs. Chevre's punishment. "Sophie, I beg you, come with us, don't be a bad woman. Don't make him feel guilty. I know you want to spend two days with him, but he's trying to save my life, you Why study medicine if you refuse to help a man in danger? Especially if it's me. If you don't take me out of here, I'll be smothered by books.跟我们一起去啦，求求你，我会待在沙滩上，你们不会看到我，我会让自己隐形起来。我保证会保持距离，一句话也不说，然后你会忘了我的存在。到海边过两天，只有你们俩和我的影子。答应吧，我求你，我会付租车费、汽油费和旅馆的钱，你还记得我之前曾经为你做过牛角面包吧？我当时跟你还不熟，但我已经知道我们一定会相处愉快的。你要是答应我，我就做你从来没吃过的泡芙面包给你吃。” 苏菲垂下眼睛，用非常严肃的语气问道：“首先，泡英面包是什么？” “你又多了一个非去不可的理由，”吕克接话，“你绝对不能错过我做的泡芙面包！你要是拒绝了，这浑蛋一定也不去了。万一我没去透透气，我就不能继续复习功课，我就会考不好，结论是我的医生生涯就掌握在你手里。” “好了，别耍宝了。”苏菲温柔地说，一边扶他站起来。 她摇摇头，说我们是一丘之貉。 “两个淘气鬼，”她说，“去海边吧，不过我们一回来，我就要吃到泡芙面包。” 我们留下吕克继续温习功课，他星期五早上会来跟我们会合。 当我们散步回苏菲家时，她抓住我的手，“要是我刚才拒绝跟你们去，你真的会取消这周末的行程？”她问我。 “你真的会拒绝吗？”我反问她。 走回套房的途中，苏菲向我承认，吕克真算得上是个很高自我风格的怪人。 吕克无疑找到了城里最便宣的出租汽车——一辆老旧的厢型车。四扇车门的颜色完全不同，车前没有散热器的护栅，两盏被生锈散热器分开的车头灯，让人联想到一双醒目的斜视眼睛。 “对啦，这辆车是有点斗鸡眼。”在苏菲犹豫着是否要坐上这堆废铁时，吕克开口，“但它轰轰作响的引擎和刹车皮都是新的，就算离合器有点嘎吱作响，还是能平安把我们载到目的地，而且，你们看，这辆车的空间很大哦。” 苏菲选择坐在后座。 “我让你们俩坐前座。”她说，一边在惊人的嘎吱声中关上车门。 吕克转动车钥匙发动车子，他转向我们，一脸兴奋。他说得没错，引擎很赏脸地轰轰响起。 避震器是旧的，一点点弯道都会让我们像坐上旋转木马般荡来荡去。开了五十公里之后，苏菲求饶，要我们在第一个休息站停下。她毫不客气地把我赶走，因为她宁愿冒着生命危险坐上死亡之座，也不愿留在后座，忍受每次转弯时，从一端窗户滑向另一端的恶心呕吐感。 我们趁空当把油加满，还赶在重新上路前，一人吞了一个三明治。 接下来的旅途，我就一点儿也记不起来了。我躺在后座，一路摇来荡去，渐渐陷入沉睡中。偶尔睁开眼睛，苏菲和吕克正在高谈阔论，他们的声音比车子的摇晃更有助于入眠，于是我再度进入梦乡。 出发五小时后，吕克把我摇醒，我们到了。 他把车停在一间与车子同样破旧的小旅馆门前，好像这辆破车终于找到了回家的路。 “我同意，这不是四星级旅馆，我承诺了要付账，而这是我唯一能负担得起的。”吕克一边说一边从后备厢取下行李。 我们一言不发地随他到了柜台。这栋滨海小旅馆的女主人应该是在二十来岁时就开始经营这家旅馆了吧，她五十多岁，外形恰到好处地与屋内的装潢融为一体。我本来以为，在这淡季中，我们会是唯一的一组客人，然而却有十五名老人家倚着栏杆，好奇地看着我们这些新来的客人。 “这些都是常客，”老板娘耸耸肩，“街角的赡养院被吊销了执照，我被迫接手这群可爱的小团体，总不能让他们流落街头吧。你们很幸运，其中一个房客上个星期过世了，所以空出了一间房，我带你们过去。” “嘿，这下子我得说，我们真是走了狗屎运了，”苏菲一边上楼一边低语。 老板娘请求寄宿老人在走廊上挪出一点空间，好让我们穿过。 苏菲一一向老人家微笑，她向吕克抛下一句：“万一刚好想念医院的话，至少在这里，我们不会太不习惯。” “你怎么知道我有内线消息？”他回击，“一个一年级的女同学给我这个地址，因为她每次放假都会来这里帮忙，赚点外快。” 我们打开十一号房的房门，里面有两张床，苏菲和我转向吕克。 “我答应你们会自动消失，”他道歉，“反正旅馆本来就是用来睡觉的，不是吗？如果你们需要安静，我也可以去车上睡，就这样。” 苏菲把手搭在吕克的肩上，告诉他，我们来这里是为了看海，这才是最重要的。吕克安心了，要我们先选一张床。 “两张都不要。”我低语，拐了吕克一记。 苏菲选了离窗户最远、离浴室最近的床。 放下行李后，苏菲建议不要浪费时间，她饿了，又急着想看到辽阔的大海。吕克没有让她同样的话重复第二遍。 去沙滩大约需要步行六百米。我们请老板娘在纸上草草画了个大略的地图，路途中，我们发现一家全日供餐的小餐馆。 “这次换我请你们。”苏菲提议，为卷到我们脚下的浪花陶醉不已。 走在市集的路上肘，我才有种似曾相识的感觉：我似乎来过这里。我耸耸肩，所有的滨海小镇都差不多，我的想象力大概又在耍我了。 吕克和苏菲饿昏了，今日特餐不够他们果腹，于是苏菲又点了一客焦糖布丁。 走出小餐馆时，夜幕低垂，大海就在不远处，即使暮色中能见度不高。我们还是决定到沙滩走一圈。 防波堤的灯光才刚点亮，三盏老旧的路灯隔着一段距离相互辉映，而码头尽处则沉浸在一团漆黑中。 “你们闻到了吗？”吕克欢呼，同时敞开双臂，“你们闻到这股碘的味道了吗？我终于摆脱从我当担架员以来就挥之不去的医院消毒水的臭味了，我还曾经为了除去这股臭味而用牙刷刷鼻孔，但那根本没用。不过现在，啊——多美好！还有这股噪声，你们听到海浪袭来的噪声了吗？” 吕克根本不等我们回答，就除去鞋袜，跑到沙堆上，扑向浪花形成的泡沫滚边。苏菲看着他走远，朝我使了个眼色，就打起赤脚，冲去加入吕克。吕克此刻正在追逐退潮，一边声嘶力竭地大吼。我前进追随他们，高挂的月亮已经近乎满月，于是我看到身前拖得长长的影子，而在绕过一个水洼的瞬间，我依稀从海水的粼粼波光中，瞥见一个凝视着我的小女孩的身影。 我找到吕克和苏菲，两个人都气喘吁吁，我们的脚都冻僵了。苏菲开始打哆嗦，我抱住他帮她摩擦背部取暖，是该回旅馆了。我们拎着鞋子，穿越镇上回旅馆。旅馆所高的房客都已沉睡，我们蹑手蹑脚地爬上楼。 一冲完澡，苏菲在就滑进床单里，几乎一沾枕头就睡着了。吕克迷迷糊糊地看了她一眼，对我比了个手势，就熄了灯。 早晨，一想到要到餐厅与大家共进早餐，我们就一点儿也提不起劲。那里的气氛本来就不太偷悦，更何况大家咀嚼的声音更是让人倒尽胃口。 “但是早餐包含在房价里。”吕壳坚持。 面对着一脸挫败、厌恶不己地在干吐司上涂果酱的苏菲，吕克突然推开椅子命令我们等他一会儿，就消失在厨房里。经过长长的十五分钟之后，埋首餐盘的寄宿老人抬起头来，鼻子灵敏地嗅到一股不熟悉的香味，然后是一阵静默，一丝声音都听不到，所有的老人都放下了餐具，齐刷刷地紧盯着餐厅的门，眼神热切。 吕克终于来了，顶着一头沾了面粉的头发，提着一篮烘饼。他绕了餐桌一圈，分给每个人两块饼，再走到我们身边，把三块饼放到苏菲的餐盘里，然后坐下。 “我尽量用能找到的食材来做，”他一边坐下一边说，“我们得再去买三包面粉和等量的奶油及糖，我相信我已经把老板娘的存粮洗劫一空啦。” 他做的烘饼真是色、香、味俱全，温热又入口即化。 “你知道吗，我很怀念这种感觉，”吕克一边环顾四周一边说，“我很喜欢这样，看着清晨第一批客人胃口大开地来到面包店。看看我们周遭的人，他们看起来多幸福，严格说来这与医学无关，却看起来对他们很有效。” 我抬起头，老人家正在食用美食。一扫我们刚走进餐厅时的死寂，替换成此刻充满活力的热闹谈话声。 “你有一双点石成金的手，”苏菲满口食物地开口，“说不定这也是一种医术呢。” “这个老人家啊，”吕克说着，指着一名站得直挺挺像根木桩的老先生，“再过几年就可能是马格咯。” 我们周遭的每位老人都比我们老了至少三倍以上的岁数，置身这群笑颜间——偶尔甚至听到几阵笑声流泻在四周，我竟有种奇怪的错觉。仿佛重回到昔日的学校学生餐厅，而在那里，同学全都染上了微微风霜。 “我们去看看白昼下的大海像什么吧？”苏菲提议。 我们花了点时间上楼，回房间套了件毛衣和外套，就走出了小旅馆。 到这沙滩时，我终于明白前一天感受到的似曾相识的感觉是什么了——我来过这小小的滨海小镇。在码头尽处，灯塔的塔灯在晨雾中浮现，一座小小的、被遗弃的灯塔，和我记忆中的一样忠贞不渝。 “你来不来？”吕克问我。 "what?" “沙滩尽头有间小咖啡店，苏菲和我渴望来杯'真正'的咖啡，旅馆里的咖啡根本就像洗碗水。” “你们去吧，我稍后和你们会合，我需要去确认一些东西。” “你需要在沙滩上确认一些东西？你要是担心大海消失的话，我向你保证它今晚就会回来。” “你能不能帮我个小忙，不要把我当笨蛋？” “哎哟，火气很大呢！好啦，您的仆人去陪伴夫人了，让大人您可以好好去数数贝壳。有没有话要我传达呢？” 懒得再听吕克的蠢话，我走向苏菲，向她道歉失信不能陪她，并且承诺尽快过去和他们会合。 "where are you going?" “我想起了一些回忆。我最晚一刻钟后去找你们。” “什么样的回忆？” “我想我曾经来过这里，和我妈一起。并在这里度过了我生命中很重要的几天。” “你到现在才想起来？” “那是十四年前的事了，而且我从此之后就没再回来过这里。” 苏菲转过身。在她挽着吕克的手远去时，我朝防波堤前进。 生锈的告示牌一直挂在铁链上——禁止进入，字迹已经模糊，字母c和i已经无法辨识。我跨过去，撞开铁门，铁门上的锁孔早已因盐分侵蚀而消失。我爬上楼梯，登上老旧的瞭望台，阶梯好像缩小了，我原以为它们更高一些。我攀上通往塔顶的梯子，窗玻璃都还完整，但污垢积得发黑，我用拳头擦了擦玻璃，从拭出的两个圆圈里看出去，这两个圆圈就像望远镜般指向我的过去。 我的脚绊到某样东西。在地上，一层厚厚的灰尘大衣底下藏了一个木箱子，我蹲下身把箱子打开。 箱子里躺着一只老旧的风筝，骨架都还完整，但翅膀已经破烂不堪。我把老鹰凤筝抱在怀里，小心翼翼地抚摸它的翅膀，它看起来如此脆弱。然后我望向木箱深处，倒抽了一口气，一长条的细沙还维持着半颗心的形状，旁边有一张卷成锥状的字条，我把字条摊开，读出上面的字：我等了你四个夏天，你没有信守承诺，你再也没有回来。风筝死了，我将它埋葬在这里，谁知道呢，也许有一天你会找到它。 署名：克蕾儿。 四十米。凤筝线轴仔仔细细地卷起。我下楼走向沙滩，把我的老鹰风筝撒在沙上，把木头滚动条与风筝连接在一起，检查连接两者的结，放出五米的线，然后开始逆风奔跑。 “老鹰”的翅腾鼓起，先飞向左边，又倒向右边，然后直冲天际。我试着用风筝画出数个完美的S和8 ，但是破洞的鹰翼很难任我操控，我稍稍松手，它就飞得更高。风筝的影子呈之字状投射在沙子上，它的飞舞，让我心醉神迷。我听到一阵无法自抑的笑声向我袭来，一阵可回溯到我童年深处的笑声，一阵独一无二、大提琴音色般的笑声。 我的夏日知己变得如何了呢？那个因为听不到声音，而让我可以毫不畏惧地向她倾诉所有秘密的小女孩啊！ I close my eyes.我们曾经跑得上气不接下气，被带路的老鹰风筝拖着跑，你放风筝的功力无人能及，常常会有路上的行人停下脚步，只为欣赏你灵活的技巧。曾经有多少次，我牵着你的手走到这相同之地？你现在怎样了？你如今身在何方？你又会在哪个沙滩度过每个夏天？ “你在玩什么？” 我没听到吕克走来。 “他在玩风筝。”苏菲回答，“我可以试试看吗？”她问，同时伸过手来抓住风筝的手柄。 我还来不及反应，她就从我手中夺过风筝。风筝旋转了几圈，朝着沙滩栽去，在擦撞沙子的瞬间，风筝断了。 “啊！对不起，”苏菲道歉，“我不太会玩。” 我朝风筝跌落的地方冲去。它的两支竖杆断裂，翅膀也折断了，倒在胸前，一副可怜兮兮的模样。我跪下去。用双手捧佳它。 “别露出这副表情啦，你好像快哭出来了，”苏菲对我说，“这不过是只破风筝罢了，你要的话，我们可以去买一只全新的。” 我一言不发，也许是因为把克蕾儿的故事告诉苏菲，就如同出卖了克蕾儿一样。童年的爱是很神圣的，什么都无法将之夺去，它会一直在那里，烙印在你心底，一旦回忆解放，它就会浮出水面，即使只是折断的双翼。我折起鹰翼，重新把线卷好，然后请吕克和苏菲等我一会儿，把风筝重新放回灯塔去。一到了塔顶，我就把风筝放进木箱子，还向它道了歉；我知道，对着一只老旧的风筝说话很蠢，但我就是这么做了。把木箱盖合上时，我很愚蠢地哭了，而且完全停不下来。 我走向苏菲。完全无法开口跟她说话。 “你的眼睛都红了，”她低低地说，把我拥入怀中，“这是意外，我并不想弄坏它……” “我知道，”我回应，“这是一个回忆，一直平静地睡在上面，我不应该把它唤醒。” “我听不懂你说的话，但这似乎让你很伤心。你要是想聊聊心事，我们可以走远一点儿，就我和你，共度两人时光。自从我们来到沙滩后，我就有种失去了你的感觉，你总是心不在焉。” 我吻了吻苏菲，向她道歉。我们沿着海岸散步，只离我们俩，肩并着肩，直到吕克跑来加入我们。 我们远远就看到他过来，他用尽全力大喊，要我们等等他。 吕克是我最好的朋友，这个早上，我又再度证明了这件事。 “你还记得你那次骑脚踏车摔跤的意外吧？”他边说边走近我，手藏在背后，“好吧，我来唤醒你的记忆，你这忘恩负义的家伙。你妈妈买了一辆黄色的全新脚踏车给你，于是我骑上我的旧脚踏车，跟你一起去挑战墓园后方的山坡。当我们从墓园的铁栅门前经过时，我不知道你是不是要确认再没有鬼魂跟在后面，反正你转过了头，然后撞到坑洞，你飞了一圈，四脚朝天跌在地上。” "what do you want to say in the end?" “闭嘴，等会儿你就知道了。你的一只车轮变形了，你担心得要命，这比你流血的双膝还严重，你不断说着你妈会宰了你，脚踏车才刚买不到三天，要是这样推回家，你妈绝对不会原谅你，她之前为了买脚踏车给你而加了好多班，这真是一场灾难。” 那天下午的回忆重新浮现在我的记忆里。吕克拿出挂在他坐垫的小工具包的钥匙，把我们俩的车轮掉换，他脚踏车的轮子刚好跟我的相符。他终于把轮子装好，并对我说我妈妈什么都不会察觉。然后吕克请他爸爸帮我修好了车轮，第二天，我们又再掉换回来。果然神不知鬼不觉，我妈妈什么也没发现。 “看吧，你又来了！好吧，但我可得先提醒你，这是最后一次啦，你总该学着长大一点儿。” 吕克拿出从刚才就藏在身后的东西，他递给我一只全新的凤筝。 “这是我在沙滩小杂货店唯一能找到的了，你很走运，那家伙告诉我这是最后一只，他们已经停卖风筝很久了。这是只描头鹰，不是老鹰。但你就别太挑剔了，这也是鸟类的一种嘛，而且。它在夜里也能飞。你这下高兴了吧？”苏菲把风筝放在沙上，把线头交给我，对我比了个让风筝起飞的手势。我觉得有点好笑，不过当吕克一边交叉双臂，一边用脚打着拍子，我明白我得证明些什么，于是我飞奔过去，风筝也随之升上天空。 这只风筝飞得很棒，操纵风筝就像骑脚踏车一样，是不会遗忘的本能，即使已经多年未曾练习。 每次猫头鹰画出完美的S和8 ，苏菲都会鼓掌，而每一次，我都有种又多欺骗了她一点儿的感觉。 吕克吹了声口哨，向我比了比，让我看向码头。十五位寄宿老人已经坐在石头矮墙上，欣赏着猫头鹰风筝在空中飞舞。 我们和老人一起返回旅馆，也到了我们该回家的时候了。我趁吕克和苏菲上楼收拾行李时，把账结清，还多付了一点儿，好弥补早上耗尽厨房存粮的那一餐。 老板娘毫不客气地收下钱，还压低声音，问我能不能拿到烘饼的食谱。她已经跟吕克要过，但没拿到。我答应试着逼他说出秘方，再转交给她。 早餐时在餐厅里站得像根柱子般挺直的老人家，也就是吕克认为是老年马格的化身的那位，朝我走过来。 “你在沙滩上表现得很棒啊，孩子。”他对我说。 我谢谢他的赞美。 “我知道我在说什么，我卖风筝卖了一辈子，我以前经营沙滩的那家小杂货店。你干吗这样看着我？不知情的人还以为你看到鬼了哩，” “如果我说很久以前您曾经送过我一只风筝，您相信吗？” “我想你的女友需要人帮忙”老先生对我说，指了指楼梯。 苏菲走下阶梯，拎着她的行李和我的。我把行李从她手中拿过来，放进车子的后备厢里。吕克坐在驾驶座上，苏菲坐在他旁边。 “可以走了吗？”她问我。 “等我一分钟，我马上回来。” 我朝旅馆奔去，老先生已经坐在客厅的扶手椅上，看着电视。 “那个聋哑的小女孩，您还记得她吗？” 车子的喇叭鸣了三声。 “我看你的朋友蛮急的啊。找一天再来看我们吧，我们会很开心地接待你们，尤其你的哥们儿，他今天早上做的烘饼真是好吃极了。” 喇叭声继续响起，我只好勉为其难地离开。我第二次对自己发誓，要再回来这个滨海小镇。 苏菲哼着吕克填了歌词、并大声吼唱的旋律。吕克唠叨了我近二十次，怪我不肯跟他们一起唱，而苏菲则重复了二十次，要他别吵我。四小时的车程过后，吕克开始担忧突然暴跌的油表，指针已经从右方的“满”一下子跌到了左方的“空”。 他以严肃的口吻宣布：“只有两种可能，一是油箱的显示器坏了，二是我们很快就得下去推车。” 二十公里之后，引擎咳了咳，在离加油站几米前熄了火。走出车子时，吕克轻敲引擎盖，赞扬它的功劳。 我把油箱加满，吕克则去买水及饼干。苏菲走近我，搂住我的腰。 “你当加油工的样子还蛮性感的。”她对我说。 她亲亲我的颈，然后去商店找自克。 “你要来杯咖啡吗？”她转过身问我。 我还来不及回答，她就朝我婿然一笑，加了一句：“等你想告诉我是哪里不对劲时，我会在这里、在你身边，即使你感受不到。”我们重新上路后没多久就遇上了大雨，雨刷很费力地驱赶雨滴。在风挡玻璃上发出阵阵令人不耐的嘶嘶声。我们入夜后才抵达城里，苏菲睡得很沉，吕克犹豫着要不要叫醒她。 “我们该怎么办？”他低声问我。 “我不知道，就停在路边，等她醒来吧。” “送我回我家去，别在那里说蠢话。”苏菲闭着眼睛喃喃道。 然而吕克没有照她的话做，他往我们住的套房驶去。他断然宣布，绝不能对周日夜里的悲伤让步，下雨天更要提高警觉，我们三个人要联手打击周末尾声的忧郁。他承诺要做我们从没吃过的面条。苏菲起身，擦了擦脸。 “看在面条的分上就去吧，然后你们再送我回家。” 我们坐在地毯上吃了晚餐，吕克在我床上睡了，苏菲和我则到她家过夜。 我一觉醒来，她已经出门了。我在厨房找到一张小字条，用杯子压着，放在早餐餐具旁边。 我把字条重新折好，放入口袋。从她的五斗柜里取出我的衣物，除了一件衬衫，在那上头，她用大头针别了一张小字条：“别带走这一件，从现在起它是我的。” 我把钥匙放在她要我放的地方，然后离开，觉得自己成了笨蛋群中的最后一名，又或许是第一名。