Chapter 2 2 Nora is hungry

I weigh myself every morning. If you weigh it in the morning, the weight will be lighter. For the past six months, I have always only eaten cucumbers, apples and lettuce, without any condiments of course. At first I was nauseous and I had cramps in my stomach.However, there is no problem at all now.When I smell the food, I have no appetite at all.Just the smell of food makes me feel sick right away. Yesterday was forty kilograms.My height is 1.75 meters.Maybe I'll grow taller.I'm going to get thinner anyway. I vowed to make myself thinner. Since I stopped eating and drinking, I don't need anyone.My own parents became strangers.It doesn't matter to me whether they pay attention to me or not.I am strong.Recently my mother cried.I saw the tears wash the makeup off her face, she looked ugly, and I walked away.I also saw how fat she was.She has to do something about it.I don't have to hide anymore at school.When I was fat, I used to hide in the bathroom at recess so they wouldn't snub me.How jealous they must be of me now that I'm standing there!

I'm not pretty enough yet, and I'm a little too fat.The arm is ok, there is no meat on it anymore.I think meat is ugly.My muscles and bones can already be seen clearly.However, the legs are still too thick. When I was fat, I had no personality.It's different now.I am strong inside and out.As long as a person has a goal, he will never feel lonely again, because there are goals besides you.I still remember when I was obese.Sometimes I feel good, but after a month, I can't help crying.I don't know why.What I'm trying to say is that it all makes no sense.Soon I will be finishing my studies and have to learn a trade.Then, I will be married and will live in a very small house.The prospect of that, I mean the prospect of living in a tiny room, is disgusting.Can this be considered life?Still, I don't know what life is supposed to be like.I thought, if I had been more beautiful, I would have known.I'm going to be as pretty as Kate Moss or something like her.Maybe I'll be a model too.

My mother took me to a psychiatrist.This is a fat and old man.Mother let us talk alone.This therapist was trying to tease me. No one wants to tease me casually.I've read some books, and I'd like to say that I understand their clumsy tricks, and this man was just astonishingly clumsy. "Is there anything that's weighing you down?" he asked.What a fucking bullshit.I kept staring at him throughout the conversation.This man looks really fat.His shirt was covered in sweat lye.I didn't even think about the questions he raised. What I'm trying to say is, what can I say to a fat and strange man?This man can't even control himself.He is gluttonous.I left him and quickly forgot about the psychiatrist.

I have a goal. I'm not afraid, I don't think about anything.So much the better.