Chapter 16 Chapter Fourteen

That incomparable sense of happiness continued.The shadows of Handa and Soejima can still be seen around the Katase couple.Hinako didn't change her style, and often met with Handa and spent the night with him.Handa and we also often eat cappuccino in Roppongi. At that time, we played outside quite late.Cocktails at the new store, dancing at a smoky disco, late-night movies and more.Also, on a winter night, Shintaro drove all the way to Shonan, and the four of them watched the sea in the heated car until dawn, and then returned to Tokyo in the original car. It can be said to enjoy every day as much as possible.In fact, except for the time when Shintaro went to school to teach and translate "Rose Salon", I spent almost all the time with the Katase couple.

We consumed a surprising amount of alcohol that season.Hinako's specialty dish, braised pork in braised pork, can be eaten endlessly.Listening to music, chatting and laughing happily in Meguro's chaotic living room like a flea market, exchanging gazes full of desire.Sometimes I feel uncomfortable after drinking too much, and I vomit in the bathroom. But usually it's me who gets drunk. "Xiao Bu, you don't look good." Hinako said.I'd laugh and say "it's ok," but immediately feel really uncomfortable.I think almost everyone has this experience, and it's inconvenient to shout about it.When I went to the bathroom to throw up in front of the toilet, I could hear the music playing in the living room, and the couple's laughter mixed with the music.

Although my body was very uncomfortable, my spirit was very harmonious, stable and clear, and I felt an incredible sense of happiness.At this time, someone knocked on the door of the toilet, and heard Shintaro calling "Xiaobu." "Are you okay? Didn't pass out?" "Teacher." I said I love you, I love you, I love you to the toilet with a sad posture, a pitiful smile, and tears in the corners of my eyes... I can't say enough, it's not enough.I started to sob. But Shintaro couldn't hear it. "Hey! Hinako. Xiaobu didn't answer. Is everything okay?"

He heard footsteps approaching.Hear Hinako's voice.Is it locked?Xiaoxin, open it and have a look.Maybe I fainted.The door handle was turned.It's all right, I said in a drunken tone.I am very happy.I'm fine, I'm fine. Only once, without warning, did Shintaro come to my apartment in Nakano at night.It was February 1971, just after the Chinese New Year.Because the final exam is imminent, I borrowed a bunch of notes from classmates I know well, and I am desperately copying them.The weather is very Ling.My room didn't have a heater and was pretty cold.In order to add a little heat, I boiled plain water on the gas stove.

As soon as Shintaro entered the room, he hugged me without saying anything.He was wearing a light brown long coat, and he could smell the winter night.I think there is something wrong with him.I hugged him tightly and asked, "What's wrong?" "Hinako is in the hospital." He said, kissing my neck. It's kind of funny looking back on it now.I was so shocked that I almost stopped breathing and even shook.Why are you hospitalized?Are you injured?Still sick?How's the condition... I started to get nervous before I confirmed these things, and it must have made Shintaro very flustered.

Shintaro pulled away and said "Xiao Bu", smiled at me, and returned to him in the past. "It's okay, I was just scaring you. Don't worry at all. The operation went well." I fell into a panic when I heard about the operation.Thinking that Hinako might be in danger of life.I met Hinako last weekend, Hinako was as usual, the three of us ate udon noodles made by my mother after finishing translation work, and sat side by side on the sofa watching TV.Hinako has a good appetite and drank a lot of wine, so she doesn't look sick. "Is it very ill?" I asked.

"I haven't." "Teacher, tell me the truth." He squinted his eyes and said with a face that couldn't be more honest: "Really. Xiaobu, don't worry. Well, Hinako just got appendicitis." Based on Shintaro's words, it was Hinako's father Tadashi Nikaido who invited Shintaro and Hinako to have dinner together that night.I went to a certain restaurant in Shinjuku that I had agreed upon. Hinako, who always eats delicious food, had a rare loss of appetite that day, and even started to have a fever in the evening. I thought it was a cold, but halfway through the meal with my father, I said that I was very uncomfortable and wanted to go home.But she couldn't even get to the parking lot, so she was so painful that she couldn't move on the road.Had to call an ambulance in a hurry.When I went to a hospital in Shinjuku, the result of the examination was acute appendicitis, and an operation was performed immediately.

I said, "You have to go, go to Hinako right away." "No. It's not necessary. It doesn't matter if the nurse told me to go home just now, so I came to Xiaobu." "I don't care." I said firmly.Even if it is a very common acute appendicitis, I have to confirm with my own eyes that Hinako is still alive, otherwise I may not be able to sleep peacefully all night.Hinako will not die.I felt silly myself, imagining if Hinako's condition would suddenly deteriorate while we were away, and the doctors started trying to bring her back to life. "Okay." Shintaro nodded.We walked out of the room and took his car to the hospital.

I don't remember at all which hospital Hinako stayed at.I just remember that it was not very beautiful, and it felt a bit dark, and it was a large private hospital.In the waiting room there is a huge mirror stretching to the ceiling.As soon as I entered with Shintaro, the lights went out.In the darkened mirror, I remember our two figures reflected like two pale and white ghosts side by side. Hinako's ward is on the second floor.It is a separate ward.When I saw Hinako who was sleeping peacefully, I couldn't hold back my tears anymore, maybe because Hinako realized that someone was coming, Hinako opened her eyes.I knelt by the bed and wept softly.She touched my head with her hand and said, "Idiot, Xiaobu, why are you crying? I'm still alive. It's just appendicitis, and I can be discharged from the hospital in a week."

"Hinako, does it hurt?" "fine." "What now?" "It's all right." "Want something?" "Want to drink water. But they won't allow it. Want to have a good drink." A smile on dry lips.It didn't take long for Hinako to get up again, and her hair, which was sticky from sweat, drew a beautiful shape on her neck.Hinako, who had completely removed her make-up, was pale and weak in her sleep. It was surprising that her face was so small and looked so slender.Shintaro and I watched over Hinako for a while.Someone knocked on the door of the room, it was my mother.She came to deliver Hinako's belongings.

"Let me come." My mother said quickly, "I will sleep on the sofa with Miss tonight. Mr. will get up early tomorrow, please go home and rest." "I want to be here too." As soon as I said it, Shintaro said, "Little idiot, Hinako will be alive and kicking tomorrow, don't you have an exam? Go home. It's really not a big deal, it's my fault , and to inform you, to make you worry." The reason why I didn't insist on staying was because I suddenly remembered that there was still water boiling on the gas stove.It's funny when I think about it, I almost cried and told Shintaro that if I didn't pick it well, there would be a fire at home. Shintaro looked at his watch.It has been an hour and a half since he and I ran out of the house. There was not much water left in the pot when Shintaro came to the house, and it must have boiled dry after more than an hour. He dragged the trembling me out of the ward, and ran as hard as I could to the parking lot.In the car, we didn't talk.Shintaro drove very fast, speeding of course, and almost crossed the intersection through a red light.Once at Nakano's apartment, I sprinted out of the car, ran upstairs, opened the door and ran into the room. Probably because I was in a hurry when I went out, I didn't even turn off the gas switch.But strangely enough, the lights in the room were turned off.What I saw in the room was the gas continuing to burn, the blue smoke floating in the darkness, and the dark red ultraviolet light in the rolled up quilt. That's it without starting a fire.Looking back now, I feel really lucky.The kettle was scorched black, and the bottom seemed to be burning red at any moment. Shintaro then came upstairs, turned off the gas, and opened the window.He picked up the jug on the gas stand and poured out the water in it.When pouring water, the kettle made a frightening sound and white smoke came out. "That's enough for tonight." Shintaro stood in the middle of the room, smiling blankly.A cool February breeze blew in through the open window, and the smoke from the kettle swirled around the room before disappearing out the window. He wrapped me in his coat and rocked me gently as if coaxing me. "Fortunately, a thousand hooks." "I'm sorry to make you worry." "Really. Nothing but worry." "what?" "Before I met you, I only had to worry about Hinako. Now it's different, and I have to worry about one more person." "Me too," I said softly, with my face pressed against his chest. "the same as you?" "That's right! Before I met Sensei and Hinako, I just had to mind my own business. But now..." "So you're more unlucky." "Yes!" "It's too miserable for one person to worry about two people." I point my head.I was terrified, I couldn't tell why, and I didn't know why I was terrified.but.I often feel that my body seems to be flying somewhere like this. Shintaro's face was so close to me under the electric light, I could see a little tiredness.His face looks translucent when tired, and his skin becomes a smooth color.Beside the thinly parted lips after losing tension, there are deep wrinkles that are not suitable for his age.But he is a handsome man, is there a more beautiful and sexier face in this world? "Hold tighter." I whispered. He complied. "Tighter," I said.He did so again.I was completely curled up in his coat.I feel like I have turned into a light brown rabbit. Shintaro hugged me.The two stick together for so long.Close the windows, draw the curtains, and turn off the lights.Inside his coat, I was caressed passionately. Ultraviolet rays radiated from the rolled-up electric blanket, turning the tatami mats red.Shintaro placed me sideways in the red light, wrapping me up from above with his coat on. Whenever I think about it, it was the second time I had sex with Shintaro and I can't believe it.I was a college student at the time, and wanted to have sex with Shintaro innocently and repeatedly.There is only pure physical desire when wanting to imitate Hinako and contact the opposite sex.Not just to Shintaro, but my ideal is to be with the opposite sex like Hinako.But in reality it doesn't work. Although I had sexual fantasies about Shintaro that way, I didn't really want to have sex with him that much.It's not that I'm physically immature sexually, I'm afraid I would feel the same way even if I just met Shintaro now. The more physically involved I was with him, the more I felt connected to him spiritually.And after deeply feeling the spiritual connection, the physical necessity becomes thinner and thinner. In fact, I wanted to be on the sidelines and watch Shintaro and Hinako greedily need each other's bodies.When I am alone, I often take pleasure in imagining that scene.I feel that the actions of Shintaro and Hinako symbolize my own sex and happiness.Maybe I was an anomaly from the very beginning, and that's why I committed such a terrible and shameful crime selflessly. One thing is certain, it is indeed a love that anyone can fall into, but it is not a healthy love.Through the Katase couple, I was able to glimpse into the abyss of sex, and at the same time opened up the taboo hidden deep in my heart.At the age of only 20 years old, I saw things that I shouldn't see, opened the door that didn't need to be opened, and then stepped into a destiny that I couldn't turn back.Begin to move forward bravely towards that enchanted moment.