Chapter 14 Chapter Twelve

I started walking towards Naka-Karuizawa.Green rolling hills can be seen in the distance, and red flowers bloom beside the road. I kept thinking about what Hinako said.It was like going crazy and kept turning over and over in my head.Xiao Xin said it was great, Xiao Bu was great, and was very excited. As soon as I imagined Shinta telling Hinako these things, I couldn't even stand upright, and became dizzy with anger.I remembered what happened the night before, Shintaro's caress was quite gentle, not rough at all, and the nipple still had the pain of being bitten.Did Shintaro even report this?I bit Xiaobu's nipple, I don't know how many times.That small nipple, if you don't lick it with the tip of your tongue, you don't know where it is.

I stopped suddenly, looked up and panted heavily as if spitting something, and the old couple who looked like tourists walking beside me looked back at me with a bit of disgust.I run my fingertips under my nose and pretend to sneeze. Although I ran out by myself, I wanted them to worry in my heart, and I wanted them to get restless and make a big fuss.This is their punishment.It is impossible not to give a little color to the couple who happily brag about their affairs to each other.I don't remember where I went, and I don't have a goal.I didn't have a wallet with me, and I couldn't even enter the coffee shop.

I continued walking on the road, and I seemed to turn right on the way, and when I realized it, I was standing at Younguizawa Station. The open space next to the station is holding a flower market.All kinds of saplings and potted plants are crowded on the road.In my impression, there are many tourists who are dressed in fashion and come to vacation, which is quite lively. It seems to be a market hosted by the peasant association in the town.Tents were pitched in the shade with tables and chairs.There is a note on the table saying please drink by yourself, and then there is a large water tank and many small tea bowls.It is free barley tea for those who visit the flower market.

Walking continuously in the hot summer, the throat is quite thirsty.I entered the tent without hesitation, poured barley tea into a cup and drank it dry.The barley tea seems to have been placed there early in the morning, and it is not cold enough. I poured a second glass and sat down on the folding chair with the glass in hand.Tents in the shade are cool.I wipe the sweat from my nose with the shoulders of my clothes.No one else was sitting in the tent.The sweat that flowed dries up little by little, and the hot wind blowing wildly in his head also calms down.I thought, what the hell am I doing in a place like this.He also thought about Tang Mu.When I thought about it, I was sleeping in the same bed with Tang Mu just four months ago.It's only been four months, but it feels pretty far away.

In the summer of the year before last, I spent time with Tang Mu.Tang Mu came to Sendai in order to meet the students of Tohoku University who belonged to him, and I met him at a coffee shop in the city after returning home to visit relatives, and we went to the dormitory of Tohoku University where Tang Mu lived. Several quilts were picked up from nowhere in the room and folded together, and then covered with dirty sheets to make it a bed.The bearded students saw us and said "I'm going out to buy cigarettes" and went out. As soon as the student's footsteps were far away, Tang Mu suddenly pushed me down on the sweaty bed.I resisted fiercely.

He asked me with a puzzled look: "What's the matter?" I said, "This kind of place is too dirty." He held me down like this, and after a while he left and said, "I don't understand you." I also replied, "I don't understand you." The closed room is like a steamer. Fewer mosquitos flying around.Underneath the printed boards scattered about the room, a huge cockroach had died. Then the worst days came before he returned to Tokyo.He was talking about the struggle like he was possessed, and he was not interested in watching the Aoba Castle and Hirose River that I showed him.As soon as they saw a speech on a street corner, they jumped in and started a loud debate.Then at the jazz coffee shop I took him to, he read the book as if he didn't have me in his eyes, and didn't say a word for several hours.

It was a hot summer, and I didn't bother to quarrel with him.I don't know if it's because I don't want to sleep on sheets mixed with other people's sweat in a room with dead cockroaches, sowing the cause of incompatibility.I really don't know why exactly.But on the day Tang Mu returned to Tokyo, I went to the station to see him off.Tang Mu, who was waiting for me on the chair, suddenly pulled me to the dark place of the platform as soon as he saw me. "What?" I asked.His face contorted, and then suddenly he hugged me so tightly that I could barely breathe.The strength of his hand weakened, and he said in a voice that seemed to be crying, "Don't leave me! I beg you."

... Laughter came from nowhere.I looked back, and beside the tent, I saw an old woman listening to instructions on planting saplings. The woman took a short sapling with rolled-up roots, and straightened her waist to prevent her white lace dress from getting muddy. "So, I'm already at this age, and it may not be possible to wait until it bears fruit." The woman said with a smile. The woman was speaking to a man in his fifties wearing a dark blue cap.The man smoked a cigarette and said, "Don't worry, according to this lady, it will be fine for at least forty years."

"Don't be joking." The woman said, but she was not unhappy, and returned the sapling to the man with a smile. "What is this? Ma'am, there is nothing unusual here, but if you bring it back to Tokyo, everyone will envy you. It is cold-resistant and will grow fragrant fruits, but there is nothing to choose." "But unfortunately my husband doesn't like scented fruits." "That's really rare." "That's right, the one in our family is different from ordinary people. I'm sorry, really. I made you so troublesome and explained so much. I'm really sorry."

The old lady put the big brim of her hat back on with a noble gesture, leaned over slightly to thank her, and left. I stepped out of the tent and looked down at the saplings that the old woman had put there without buying them.About sixty centimeters tall, nothing special, just a slender sapling. "It's really hot today." The man said to me with a towel wrapped around his neck to wipe off his sweat. "What are you doing in Karuizawa? Is there a school dormitory here?" I smiled back and said, "I'm here to work." "What kind of job?" "Service industry." I said that and laughed again.My job can indeed be regarded as a service industry, serving the Katase couple.A wave of masochistic pleasure surged in his chest.

The man looked at me and said, "Are you helping out at the homestay?" "Well, that's the kind of work." "It's not bad. The summer in Tokyo is too hot. By the way, how about this one? I think it's cheaper for you." When the man said this, he intentionally imitated the tone of the old woman just now and said: "What a coincidence, my husband doesn't like scented fruits... In this way, I can't help myself." I laughed again. "Will it bear fragrant fruit?" "Of course! This is marmelo (Portuguese. It is a kind of melon, sweet and sour)." "outer coffin" "It's very similar to pear blossoms." "Pear blossom?" "Young people are like this. They don't understand anything." The man frowned, "Don't you know? Drinking pear blossom wine will help you when you have a cold. Have you ever drunk pear blossom wine with soju?" "Ah! That! I smiled and remembered the pear wine my mother made when I was a child. It was stored in a glass bottle with a lid and placed under the counter." "It's the pear fruit, I know. I really like that fragrance .” The man took the trouble to sell and said that after planting it, it will grow beautiful fruits in ten years, at most fifteen years.It's incredible to think that ten and fifteen years in the distant future, this tiny sapling will bear fruit. "I really want to buy it, but unfortunately I forgot my wallet." "Where are your parents? In Tokyo?" "No, Sendai." "Well, Sendai, I've only been there once. On the way back to Matsushima." The man chatted for a while.He looked around and called me over. "this is for you." "what?" "Nothing, take it." "but why?" "Send it to you as a souvenir. To commemorate working in Karuizawa. Maybe take it from Sendai to let my mother plant it in the garden. After ten years, after you get married and have a group of children, the fruit will bear fruit. Then think A long time ago in Karuizawa, a gentleman gave me saplings. If so, I would be very happy." The man wrapped the sapling in random old newspapers and handed it to me.I say "thank you". If this sapling is planted in the garden of their villa... I immediately thought so.When the fruit is set, they must be middle-aged.It would be a wonderful thing if they could think of me when they looked at the garden and recalled the past vaguely.Just thinking about it makes me restless. I hugged the sapling and started to walk back.I want to plant it in the garden of the villa, but I can't do anything and go back to Tokyo. I was drawn to this idea of ​​"plant the saplings and leave them in silence".Then I quit my part-time job and stopped going to the apartment in Meguro.But even if I disappear from their sight, the sapling will continue to grow and flourish and bloom.Occasionally come to Karuizawa and see this tree, even if they don't want to, they will think of me. Great!It's kind of silly, but I'm really excited about this naive idea. Turn left at the intersection in front of Naka-Karuizawa Station, just as you are walking along Route 18.An impatient voice came from nowhere.It seemed that someone was calling "Xiaobu" in the driveway at the other end. I saw Shintaro stop the car with almost his upper body exposed from the driver's seat and waved to me.The cars behind were honking their horns unhappily, but Shintaro was unmoved. "Stay where you are, don't move. Do you hear me? I'll go over right away." Shintaro said, and then accelerated forward, surrounded by the sound of horns. I seem to be dreaming.After Shintaro's car turned left at the intersection and disappeared, it turned around at a relatively short distance and drove over at the speed of running a red light.On the side of the sidewalk where I was standing, the emergency brake came to a stop, and the truck behind was honking like crazy. "Get in the car!" Shintaro opened the door and said "Hurry up" as if he was angry.I didn't say a word and got into the car.The top holding the sapling rubbed against the roof of the car and made a sound. Shintaro said nothing and drove the car.The speed is quite fast, driving on the road in a hurry.After entering the gravel road of the villa, turn right and apply the brakes hard.My body and his body leaned forward. "It's driving too fast," I said. "It's not like the way Sensei drives." Shintaro looked at me.There is no visible pallor or agitation.But there is a kind of toughness that I have never seen. "Where did you go? It made me worry to death. Hinako said she wanted to come and look for it together, but she didn't come because she was afraid that Xiaobu would be home without someone if she came back. Fortunately, I found it, really." I don't know whether it's good or bad, but I try to look relaxed and put on a show of being in trouble. "There is a flower market at Naka-Karuizawa Station, and a gentleman gave me this." "what is this?" "It's the coffin." He nodded.I glared at him as maliciously as I could. "It's not something I bought with money, but I want to keep it as a souvenir for Sensei and Hinako. I'll plant it in the yard later, and then I'll go back to Tokyo." "what?" "Go home. Back to Tokyo," I repeated.Then his throat choked, and his voice trembled: "I can't stay here any longer." "What did you say? Boo." "I can't live a life like Sensei and Hinako. I'm out of my mind. I can't figure out anything." Shintaro held out his hand to me.But the sapling got in the way, and he took it out of my hand and put it in the backseat, then twisted my shoulders. I am stiff.Shintaro leaned over and stroked my cheek.The intimacy that I had almost forgotten came back to life.His touch spread all over his body.I close my eyes.Do you want to cry, or do you want to die, or do you want to give yourself completely to him?Can't think about anything.I'm afraid of myself like this. He brought his lips to my ear and whispered, "Hinako and I both like you very much." "The teacher betrayed Hinako, and so did I. But Hinako and Sensei don't care. I don't understand and I can't believe it. Hinako should be angry, right? Sensei should be annoyed by doing something she shouldn't do, right?" ? Why are you sleeping with a part-time student? You should think that it would be best if you don’t get into trouble in the future, isn’t it?” "I'm not worried at all." Shintaro hugged me even tighter.There was the sound of clothes rubbing against each other in the car. "It's not betraying Hinako even if I sleep with you. Hinako does the same thing herself. It doesn't matter who she sleeps with. It's not betraying me. We think so." "I don't understand." I shook my head.Through the window of the car, one can see a man working in the field in the distance.From time to time, he stopped what he was doing and looked this way.The light outside is strong, and the sun's flames are everywhere. "Bob," Shintaro said, kissing my hair. "Hinako is worried. Let's go home." "Did Hinako come into the room while I was sleeping on the teacher's bed?" "Go in, that's why I was woken up." "what did she say?" "I don't want to wake you up. Neither Hinako nor I spoke." "Did Hinako change clothes in the bedroom?" "Well, try not to disturb you." "Who hung up the dresses?" "Chicken." "Then you two went downstairs together?" "Yes." "What did you say?" "Boo," he said, lifting my face with both hands, "no problem. Listen clearly. You don't need to worry about anything. You'll understand this better when you see Hinako. I can't talk to Make it clear, this is how Hinako and I live." I swallow hard.The chest rises and falls violently.The more Shintaro touched me and whispered in his ear, it was as if I had been anesthetized, my body became numb and I couldn't think at all.I'm terrified of myself. Back at the villa, Hinako ran out of the entrance.Like a kitten wanting to eat bait, it ran towards me, hugged me with wide open arms, and stroked my cheek. "Fool. Boo is so stupid. Do you know how worried I am?" Hinako's wavy hair brushed my cheek softly like a feather.Hinako's plump breasts without a bra pressed against mine.Her breasts are extremely soft and full of elasticity. My hands hang down like this, accepting the hug.She looked up and whispered "fool" again.A real reassurance can be found in the smile.My chest couldn't help but heat up.There were drops of sweat floating under Hinako's nose, and her smoke-smelling breath wafted around my face.Hinako couldn't be closer to me. I'm afraid that was the first time I realized that Hinako was a living female body, not Shintaro's wife.But I didn't have the special feeling of embarrassment that I felt when I hugged my female classmates playfully in high school, and I didn't regret it.I just accept Hinako completely with my body.I was moved by her beauty, plumpness and softness.I remember the hazy joy of that moment. The three of us entered the house and drank ice lemon juice made by Hinako on the balcony. There were fruits on the table, including grapes, honey, bananas and so on.Shintaro quickly peeled the peach with his fingernails, spattering the juice.The three bees that smelled sweet and ambiguous flew over together, and we screamed and ran into the house.Other than that, they all stayed on the balcony and were too lazy to move. The couple didn't ask me about my escape, nor did they mention what happened yesterday.Nor did they talk about Handa and Soejima.Just chat warmly.Talk about the trees, wild birds, flowers and plants in the garden... In the evening, the insects cry in the depths of the larch woods.The temperature has dropped a lot.The sky began to cloud over, and there was thunder in the distance. Hinako brought chilled white wine.The appetizers with wine have already been prepared, which are braised pork made by Hinako herself. Shintaro starts chatting about "Rose Salon".He said that the descriptions of sexual behavior in the book are so aesthetically pleasing, and sometimes he can't figure it out because it is a mistranslation describing a scene of sex.When he said that, Hinako's eyes lit up and asked, "For example?" Shintaro asked me to bring the draft I wrote down.As soon as I stood up, he also stood up and said, "Forget it, no need. Xiaobu, the three of us should go into the house. I'm a little tired. Let's lie on the bed and chat." I heard his words as "the three of us go to bed together", and what I wanted finally came.As if liberated from the dark bottom of chaos. But not disgusted.I have not wavered at all in my love for them.Should I refuse it, or go to bed with three people like this.To choose between the two, it seems only God can do.So I simply became a god.The couple and I walked up the stairs side by side talking and laughing.I took the notes from my room and went to their bedroom, and they both got under the covers and waited for me.Hinako asked me to come in and squeeze in the middle.Shintaro made room for me. It started to rain, and the surroundings gradually darkened.Shintaro turned on the bedside lamp and explained to Hinako while reading the notes.Although it's a frenzy of men and women, and it sounds stupid and ugly when you read it, the translated text sounds beautiful. Hinako was fascinated by listening very leisurely.He rested his head on my shoulder, smoking a cigarette.Maybe it's because I walked a long way under the sun at noon.My arms are tanned and itchy when touched.As soon as I scratched it, Hinako stretched out her fingers and drew circles on my skin. Shintaro continued reading tirelessly.There was thunder outside the window, and there was lightning inside.It rained harder. The insects flew onto the net and flew back and forth with a buzzing sound.The cool night wind swayed the curtains.The room is filled with the smell of resin, grass and earthy smell of rain. For quite a long time, the three of us just lay close to our skin on a big bed without moving.Hinako and I listened quietly to Shintaro's reading.Shintaro sometimes continued reading as if lost in thought.I was hypnotized by incomparable happiness and just fell asleep.I slept until morning and woke up. The next morning, Shintaro chose a corner of the villa's garden facing south and where the sun was the most sunny, to dig the soil.I planted a sapling there, and Hinako watered it with dew. I want to say that I hope to be with you until the end, but there is no way to say it.After planting the saplings, I helped Shintaro with the translation work.In the evening, the three of them went shopping in Old Karuizawa together. Mom came back from Nikaido's villa that day.At night, I ate my mother's cooking on the balcony. I was drunk and passed out. I let Shintaro carry me back to my room, and slept soundly in my bed until dawn. Then the next day, I returned to my hometown Sendai via Tokyo as planned.Now recalling the figure of their couple seeing me off at the station, I still miss it very much.They bought platform tickets and went to the platform.Shintaro was wearing a white linen jacket, and Hinako was wearing a dress of similar material, with purple Indian cotton yarn wrapped around her hair. I stopped in front of the train.As soon as he said: "Goodbye, see you in September." Hinako's eyes were moist, and she turned her head away as if angry.Shintaro smiled and hugged Hinako from behind.Hinako has Shintaro's head on her head.The two of them stood like two-headed angels. At the same time as the sound of departure sounded, the door closed.We waved to each other through the car window.For the first time, I felt that sad parting that tightened in my chest.Shintaro, Hinako, no matter which one, I love them equally. The train moved on.They gradually disappeared.I choked up against the car door.