Chapter 89 end

The three of us spent some time in a hospital.I was questioned by the police and the District Attorney, demanding to know why I did not allow the government to track Patty.I did my best to explain to them that what happened was a complete accident.How can I explain that I'm worried that the police will kill Kate and Jason, not save them?Despite my denials over and over again, they insisted that my motive was rage and decided to take revenge on Patty themselves. So I had to face the grand jury.My lawyer defended me and I was accused of coming close to thinking that the law was in my own hands.Yet I suspect there is one member of the jury who, having seen my broken arm in a sling and the burns on my face, thinks I haven't suffered enough.Of course Kate and Jason's war refugee eyes suggest they've suffered enough.

After three weeks, we were allowed to leave.I paid someone to drive the Volvo back to Denver, and Kate, Jason, and I flew back from Columbia.Our friends welcomed us back.They called.They come to visit us.They threw a party for us.We thank them.But in fact, our psychological trauma makes us socially handicapped.Difficult to engage in smiles and small circle conversations.It is also difficult for us to say those big "big words" when we are asked about details that we are not ready to talk about.After a while, the news of our return was gradually not mentioned.Phone calls, visits, and invitations dwindled.Finally, we are only ourselves.

Jason had been silent, making his friends' parents feel a little uncomfortable when he was around them.Kate herself gets nervous whenever she has to leave the house.She finally gave up trying.The only good thing was that as soon as I shaved off and Kate and Jason got off the drug, they separated me from Patty.They no longer saw me as a threat, though I was always careful to make them understand when I touched them. I'm being as honest as possible with myself.I try my best to understand what's going on and hopefully come to terms with it.But sometimes I wonder if I can fit in with what Patty... Lester... did to us.Strangely, I had a hard time denying that Patty was Lester, and now I accept that the two were one and the same.My brother died a long time ago because of me.

Sometimes I watched Kate and Jason when they weren't looking, trying to figure out if they were getting better.Inadvertently, I was thinking about their eyes, and through the mirror, I was also thinking about my own eyes.Do we still have the shadow of fear in our hearts?A few days later, Penny came, a welcome guest. I asked about his wife. "Is she well? What's the result of the biopsy?" "The lump on her breast turned out to be a cyst, thank God." It was only after hearing the answer that I realized I had been holding my breath. "Glad to hear something good is happening," I said.

In the backyard, Penny is sitting on the recliner where Patty sat staring up into our bedroom last year. Kate brought two iced teas. We pretended not to notice that her hands were shaking and the ice cubes were rattling. "Thank you." I said. She actually smiled when I stroked her shoulder. Penny watched her go back into the house. "Has she been seeing any doctor?" "A psychiatrist? Yeah," I said. "All three of us are seeing a doctor." "Does it work?" "My chap asked me to write a travelogue describing what happened and how I felt. I talk to him once a week. Does it work?" I shrugged. It made me understand the objective facts of what happened. He also said that the psychological trauma we have experienced for too long, there is no reason to expect a quick recovery."

"Makes sense." "Kate went into the supermarket by herself today." Penny looked confused. "That's a big improvement," I explained. "She has a mental block to being close to people and strangers." "How are you? Are you planning to go back to work?" "I'm going to have to go to work soon," I replied. "Our insurance doesn't cover all the medical bills, not including the lawsuits." "But how are you feeling? Are you ready to go back to work?" I took a sip of my iced tea and said nothing. "When I was in the bureau, I had to shoot people," Penny said.

"Kill him?" His eyes were fixed on his glass. "I got shot in the middle of a case. I was on three months of sick leave. My ears were full of advice. I think what I told you was when I got fat and left the bureau. It took me a long time to It feels normal again." “Normal is such a complicated word. I wonder if I can feel normal again. There was a part of my life before where it seemed like I only cared about my own hurts and ended up making a mess around me, but I was too stupid to realize to this point." "What now?" "I think Kate is right in being careful about everything around her. Anything can happen. I was standing on a rock at the time, enjoying the view. A moment later, my brother pushed me into the valley."

"It's a virtue to be cautious." "So I learned. You ask me if I'm ready to go back to work, and I'm working." "Huh?" Penny pondered my words. "Taking care of my family. It's my job to love Kate and Jason to the best of my ability and always thank God for being with them, having them, loving them and doing my best to keep them safe." Penny was more focused. "You really understand, Mr. Denning?" "Please call me Brad."