Chapter 15 Chapter fifteen

The dinner was such a disappointment that I will have to tell them next week that the dress should not be so close to the body and give me room to eat. Anne, Mary, and Lucy were already waiting in my room to help me change into my dress, which I explained I needed to wear for a while.Because I can't wait to change my clothes, Anne was the first to realize that Maxson was coming to see me. "Do you want us to stay a little longer tonight? It doesn't matter." Mary's tone was full of expectation.Since Maxson's unannounced visit a few days ago, I figured the best thing to do would be for them to leave early each day.Also, I couldn't stand the thought of them staring at me until he came to get me.

"No, no, I'll do it myself. If I have trouble taking off my dress later, I'll ring the bell." They reluctantly went out, leaving me alone to wait for Maxson.I don't know what time he's coming, but I don't want to start reading and then have to stop in the middle, or get called out when I sit down at the piano.In the end, I just lolled on the bed and waited, letting my thoughts wander.I thought of Marie and her kindness, and then thought of how little I knew about her except here and there.However, I still feel that there is no hypocrisy in her attitude towards me.I thought about the other girls who were always fake, and wondered if Maxson could tell the difference.

McKesson's experience with women can seem plentiful at times, and pitifully meager at close quarters.He is indeed a gentleman, but whenever he gets close to others, he becomes at a loss.It's like, he knows how to treat a woman, but he doesn't know how to treat a date. This is really a big enough contrast with Aspen. Aspen. His name, his face, the sudden rush of memories about him caught me off guard.Aspen.What is he doing now?It's almost curfew time in the Carolinas.If he had a job today, he might still be busy with work; he might be with Breonna, or whoever he decided to be with after we broke up.A part of me desperately wants to know...the other part feels like it's breaking down to even think about it.

I looked at the little bottle by the bed, picked it up and shook the coins inside, I felt really lonely. "Me too," I muttered to myself, "me too." Is it silly to keep this?He has returned everything else, so why keep this penny?Will this be all he left me?This is the little thing I will show my daughter in the future, telling her about my first boyfriend for a penny, and the first one that no one else knows? I don't have any more time to wallow in worry.A few minutes later there was a knock on Maxson's door, and I ran to answer it. I slammed the door open with too much force and Maxson was surprised to see my expression.

"Where are all your maids?" He surveyed my room. "Go away. I'll send them off when I'm done eating." "every day?" "Yes, of course. Thanks, but I can undress myself." Maxson raised his eyebrows again and smiled.I blushed a little, I didn't want to say that at first. "Take a shawl, it's a bit chilly outside." We went out and went downstairs.I was still a little flustered by my random thoughts just now, but I also know now that Maxson is not very good at finding topics.I took his arm almost immediately after going out, it felt familiar and comfortable.

"If you insist on not letting the maid stay with you, I'll send a guard at your door," he said. "No! I don't like being specialized." He chuckled: "He will stay outside, you won't notice his existence at all." "I'll know," I grumbled, "I'll feel his presence." Maxson feigned annoyed sighs, and I, too absorbed in arguing with him, didn't catch it until the voices came up to us, Celeste, Imega, and Tinny, addressing us. He was walking in the direction and was about to go back to their room. "Hello, ladies." Maxson greeted them with a slight nod.

I was so naive to think that no one would see us.I felt a heat on my face, but I didn't know why I was shy. They curtseyed together, and then they all went away.When we reached the top of the stairs, I looked back deliberately. Imega and Ding Ni looked curious. I guess they will spread the matter within a few minutes, and I will definitely be questioned by everyone tomorrow.Celeste's eyes are killing me, and I dare say she must feel that there is now a personal vendetta between me and her. I turned around and said the first thing that came to mind. "I told you, those girls who said they were going to leave will definitely stay." Although I don't know who said they were going to go, there are rumors that Ding Ni is one of them, after all, she passed out.Others say it's Valleia, but I think that's pure nonsense, she wants the crown so much, she won't go if you kill her.

"You can't imagine, it's a relief." He said sincerely. His reaction was completely different from what I expected, and I didn't know how to answer for a while; besides, I had to pay attention to the stairs at the same time, and I didn't want to fall down.I really don't know how to walk while holding someone's arm; moreover, it is really difficult to wear high heels.Still, if I do slip, he should be able to hold me. "I thought it would be a good thing if someone had to go. Finally got to the first floor and I can walk normally again." Wouldn't it be easier to help you eliminate some of them?"

Maxson shrugged. "I think maybe, but it doesn't feel like that at all, believe me." His expression was a little hurt. "Good evening, gentlemen." He greeted the guards, who opened the door without hesitation this time. Door leading to the garden.Perhaps, I could have accepted Maxson's kindness to let them know that I liked going to the garden.The idea of ​​an easy escape is very appealing. "I don't understand," I said.He took me to a bench (our bench) and sat me facing the brightly lit palace, then sat himself facing the other side, so we were almost face to face.

He hesitated to say too much, but he took a deep breath and decided to speak: "Maybe I'm just self-righteous and think I'm worth other people's risk. Of course, I don't want to put anyone in danger!" He explained, "I I don't mean that, I just... don't know how to put it. Don't you all see the risk I'm taking?" "Well, no. You're here, you've got family to advise you, and we're all revolving around your timetable. Nothing in your life has changed, but ours. What risk have you taken? ?” Maxson looked shocked. "America, I have family here, but just imagine being stared at by your parents the first time you try to go on a date. And, not just the parents, but the people of the country! What's even more frightening is that this Not any normal way of dating."

"Around my schedule? When I'm not with you, I'm manning troops, making laws, changing budgets... and lately all by myself, my dad just looks inexperienced I make stupid mistakes over there. Then, when I handle something differently than he does, he steps in to save the day. And, now that I'm doing the work, you, I mean You and the other girls, occupying my mind. I am so excited and scared by you women!" It was the first time I saw him move so much, waving his hands for a while, and scratching his hair for a while. "And you think my life hasn't changed? What do you think, what are my chances of finding a soul mate among you? I'd be lucky if I could find someone who could bear me for the rest of my life. In case, my uncontrollable Does it feel like she's been sent home? Or, is this person going to leave me at the first sign of adversity? What if I can't find anyone at all? So what can I do, America?" His monologue is agitated and angry at first, but by the end, his questions are not rhetorical, but genuinely wondering: what would he do if there was no one here worthy of his love.That doesn't seem to be his main concern though, he's more worried that no one will fall in love with him. "Maxson, seriously, I think you're going to find a soul mate. Seriously." "Really?" Hearing my prophecy, there was hope in his voice again. "Sure." I put a hand on his shoulder.And just this gentle pat has the effect of soothing, I can't help but think, if few people simply touch him, "If your life is really turned upside down as you said, then she must already be here Yes. In my experience, true love usually happens in the most troublesome way." I smiled weakly. He seemed to be a little happier when he heard my words. Of course, this is what I said to comfort myself. I really think so.If I can't find true love myself, I will at least help Maxson find his true love. "I hope you and Mary strike off, she's such a sweetheart." Maxson made a strange look: "She seems to be." "What? What's wrong with sweetheart?" "No, nothing. Fine." He didn't go on. "What have you been looking for?" he asked me suddenly. "what?" "You can't seem to concentrate on something. Although I know you are listening to me, you also seem to be looking for something." I realized he was right.During his tirade, I had been scanning the garden and the windows, and even the watchtower on the fence.I became more and more paranoid. "People...cameras..." I looked at the night and shook my head. "Only us, and the guards behind the door." Maxson pointed to the lonely figure in the palace lights.He was right, no one came out with us, and all the windows were lit, and there was no one around.After confirming it with my own eyes, I was relieved. I feel a little more relaxed. "You don't like being watched, do you?" "I don't like it. I've always been low-key, and I'm used to being low-key, do you understand?" I looked at the texture of the stone under my feet and didn't look into his eyes. "You need to get used to it. When you leave here, you're going to be in the spotlight for the rest of your life. My mother has connections to some of the women she went through with her and to this day, they're considered important women. figure." "Great." I moaned in pain. "One more thing that makes me want to run away home." Maxson's expression was apologetic, but I didn't want to look at him.It reminded me of how stupid this contest was, how much I lost; and that there was no going back to normal life in my mind.really unfair... But I got myself under control.Maxson should not be taken out because he was a victim just like the rest of us, even though he was victimized in a different way.I sighed and looked up at him just in time to see his determined expression. "America, can I ask you a personal question?" "Perhaps." I dodged.He returned a stiff smile. "It's just...well, I can see that you really don't like being here. You hate the rules, the games, the attention, the clothes...well, you like the food, though." He laughed, and I laughed too, "You miss your home and your family ... and I suspect everyone else does too, it's just that your emotions are more likely to be on your face." "Yes." I rolled my eyes, "I know." "But you'd rather suffer homesickness here than go home. Why?" I felt something stuck in my throat and could only swallow raw. "I'm not bitter...and you know why." "Well, sometimes you look okay, I've seen you laugh when you talk to other girls, and you look content every time you eat. But other times, you look sad. Tell me The reason? The whole story?" "It's just another failed love story, it's not a hit at all, trust me." Please don't push me, I don't want to cry. "Anyway, other than my parents' love affair, I really want to know other real stories, stories that happen outside these walls, without red tape... Please, please?" The real reason is that I've kept this secret for so long that I can't imagine how to put it into words, and besides, just thinking about Aspen breaks my heart.Can I still say his name?I took a deep breath.Maxson is my friend now and he has been so friendly and genuine, I can't treat him like this... "Outside the world"—I pointed to the sky beyond the walls—sometimes, the different levels also echo each other.My father has three different levels of clients, each of which buys at least one work every year; and I have several families who hire me to sing every Christmas.They are our food and clothing parents, understand? Well, for him, my family is their family's bread and butter.They are the sixth grade.When my family had extra money, we would hire someone to do the cleaning, or tidy up the warehouse, and we would always call his mother.I've known him since I was a little kid, he was a little bit older than me, about my brother's age, and they played pretty rough, so, as a kid, I would avoid them. “My brother Kota is an artist like my dad. You may have heard his name a few years ago when he sold a lot of money for a metal sculpture that he spent several years doing.” Maxson silently pronounced the name Kota Singh.After a few seconds, I saw that he seemed to think of it. I push my hair back from my shoulders and fold my arms across my chest. "We were all happy for Cota, he put a lot of work into that production, and we really needed that money at the time, so the whole family was very happy. But Cota kept all that money for himself. That engraving got him to the front line and people started calling him every day to order work. Now, his waiting list is a mile long and the prices are exorbitant. I think he's addicted to fame and fortune, fifth rank is hard got so much attention." At this very meaningful moment, our eyes met.I wonder if I can no longer escape people's attention, and do I really not want the attention? "Anyway, after the constant calls, Kota decided to break away from the family. My sister just got married, so we lost her income as well. When Kota actually started earning money, he decided to leave us ’” I put my hand on Maxson’s chest, emphasizing the words, “You wouldn’t do that, you wouldn’t just abandon your family like that. Supporting each other...is the only way to survive.” I saw the understanding in Maxson's eyes: "He left all the money, is he hoping to spend it to buy status?" I nodded: "All he wants is to be a 2nd tier. If he'd been content with a 3rd or 4th tier, he'd have bought it and helped us too. But, he's become obsessed. Seriously Well, that's just plain stupid. He's comfortable enough now, and he wants that damn label, and he can't stop." Maxson shook his head: "This will take a lifetime." "I don't think he really cares how much time it takes as long as he dies with the second grade written on his grave." "So you're already very distant?" I sighed: "Now it is. At first, I thought I had made a mistake, thinking that Kota moved out to be independent, not to abandon us. In the beginning, I was on his side. When he made a I also helped him with the apartment and studio, and Kota also hired the sixth-grade family we often use, and let their eldest son help. He really helped Kota A few days." I paused, trying to remember. "And I was in that studio, taking things out of boxes ... and suddenly there he was. The moment our eyes met, I realized he wasn't as rude as he was when he was a kid. Before that, We haven't seen each other for a long time, you know? We're not kids anymore." "I was there all day that day, and we would accidentally bump into each other when we were moving things. He would look at me and smile and make me feel so excited as if I had just come to life. I was really... crazy about him." I finally couldn't hold on, my voice collapsed, and the tears I had been holding back flowed down. "Our homes are quite close together, so during the day I would deliberately go for a walk, expecting to run into him. Many times his mother would come to my house to help out, and sometimes he would come along. Then, we would look at each other, that is The only thing we can do." I couldn't help sniffling, "He's sixth and I'm fifth, the law...and my mother! Oh, how angry she would be if she knew. So, don't let anyone know." Because I want to tell the secret hidden in my heart, my hands tremble involuntarily. "Then, I started having anonymous little notes on the window of my room saying how beautiful I was, or how I sang like an angel. Of course I knew he wrote it." "On the night of my fifteenth birthday, my mother threw me a birthday party, and the whole family was invited. He cornered me and gave me a birthday card to be alone. Look. When I was finally alone and able to watch it, he didn't write his name, he didn't write 'Happy Birthday', he just wrote 'Midnight, Treehouse'." Maxson's eyes widened: "Midnight? But..." "You know, I often don't obey Ilya's curfew." "You're probably going to jail, America." He shook his head. I shrugged: "At the time, it seemed insignificant. It was the first time I felt like I was flying and he was there, trying to find ways to keep us alone. And, I couldn't believe it, it was real , he actually wanted to be alone with me." "That night, I was in my room looking at the tree house in the backyard, waiting quietly. Nearly midnight, I saw someone climbing up. I still remember, I went to brush my teeth just in case One...I snuck out the window and climbed up the tree. He was in there and I just...couldn't believe he was there." "I don't remember how it all started, but it didn't take long for us to talk to each other. Also, we couldn't stop laughing because we were thankful that the other felt the same way. I didn't have time to think about it Curfews or lying, never mind that I'm fifth and he's sixth. I don't worry about the future because there's nothing more important than the fact that he loves me..." "And he really loves me, Maxson, he really..." More tears fell, and I clutched at the clothes on my chest, feeling the deep pain of losing Aspen more than ever.Speaking up just made it all the more real.Now I just want to end this story quickly. "We dated secretly for two years. While we were happy, he was always worried that we were going to be sneaky, and he couldn't provide what he thought I should have. When he got the call, he insisted that I do it. Apply." Maxson's jaw dropped. "Stupid, isn't it? But if I don't try, it's going to be something he's stuck with for the rest of his life. And I really, really don't think I'll pick it. How could it be?" I waved my hand, and then put it down, even I felt that this matter was inexplicable. "I heard from his mum that he had been saving up to marry a mystery girl. I was so excited, I made him a surprise dinner and tried to coax him into talking about the proposal. I am ready." But when he saw the food I prepared him for that money, he was not happy.He has a lot of pride and he wants to spoil me, not the other way around.At that moment, I thought, he saw that he could never do this.So, he decided to break up with me... "A week later, my name was announced." I heard Maxson mutter something softly. "The last time I saw him was at my send-off," I choked up. "He was with other girls." "What?" Maxson growled. I buried my head between my hands. "I know there are other girls who like him, and it's driving me nuts. There's always been other girls who like him, and now he has no reason to say no to them. Maybe, he's already with the girl I saw at the send-off Together. I don't know, and there's nothing I can do about it. But the thought of going home has to deal with it...I just can't, Maxson..." I kept crying and Maxson didn't stop me.When the tears died down, I said, "Maxon, I hope you find someone who will never be separated from you. I really hope you will, and I hope you never have to experience being with someone you love. The taste of parting." My pain was reflected on McKesson's face, and he was saddened, even angry, by my situation. "I'm sorry, America, I don't..." He changed his expression, "Is now a good time to pat you on the shoulder?" I couldn't help laughing at his hesitation: "Yes, now is a good time." He looked as suspicious as he did that day, but instead of just patting me on the shoulder, he leaned in and wrapped his arms carefully around me. "I've only hugged my mother, is that okay?" he asked. I laughed out loud: "It's not easy to get a hug wrong." After a while, I spoke again: "I understand what you mean, I have never really hugged anyone except my family." After a whole day of dressing up, recording "Report", eating dinner, and talking, it's so comfortable to be hugged by Maxson like this.He even patted me on the head a few times.He didn't understand at all, and patiently waited for my emotions to calm down. When I calmed down, he looked at me from a distance. "America, I promise you that you will stay until the last possible moment. I know they want me to screen people out as soon as possible, leaving the last three elites, and then choose one of them. But I swear, even if there are only two left Well, I will also keep you until that time, and I will not let you go until it is necessary or when you are ready. It depends on which time comes first. " I nod. "I know we just met, but I think you're awesome, and it bothers me to see you hurt like this. If he was here, I would... I would..." Maxson shook his head in frustration, and then Sighing, "Sorry, America." He pulled me into his arms again, and my head rested on his broad shoulders.I know Maxson will keep his word.Then, in the arms of comfort I least imagined finding, I felt myself completely at ease.