Chapter 19 Chapter Eighteen
As they lay in bed one night, Eitel noticed that Elena's thigh muscles were slack.Even though it was the only blemish on her skin, it made him very uneasy.He couldn't look away anymore.He had to let her leave him, he thought.There was no future with him, and her youth was numbered.
He hated himself.The thought that he was the only man who felt responsible for her gave him some comfort.But then Eitel had to remind himself that he was the one who started the affair and made it what it was now, and he couldn't absolve himself of the blame.What will happen to her?When she falls in love with others, she is unreserved and does not wait for the price, so she always suffers.After him there would be many men who would pursue her, and many love affairs, but each one would be less likely to marry her than the one before.What would happen to her if she never managed to be nice and sophisticated, and ended up drinking too much, or at the other end of the spectrum, taking drugs—which, he thought, wasn’t a sensation—and what would happen to her?His heart was full of pity again, but this pity was only born of imagination in his head, and he was deeply painful for this.He was indifferent to the woman who was sleeping next to him.This person was only hindering the stretching of his limbs, and he couldn't really believe that this person would be full of pain.
Yet he sensed her despair.She often tossed and turned, unable to sleep.Night after night, she would wake up from her dream and nestle beside him in the dark, trembling with fear.She said a burglar was breaking the door, or she heard someone in the kitchen.In such horror, she would repeat every rape or murder story she read in the papers.
"I was followed today," she told him.
"Of course it will, you are a beautiful woman." Eitel replied irritably.
"You didn't see the look on his face."
"I'm sure he wants to chop off your head and stuff you in a jute sack."
"That's what you want to do to me." She looked at him resentfully. "You only know how to have fun. You only like me when I'm in a good mood."
The words hit the nail on the head and angered him. "You only know how to have fun," he said to her. "You only love me when I say something nice."
"You're so proud," said Elena, "you have no idea what's going on in my mind."
It took him half an hour to find out the latest secret in her heart.She wants to be a nun.
"Are you crazy?" he asked. "You're going to be a lovely nun."
"A nun is never alone," Elena said.
Her words dismayed him.Indeed, he thought, nothing in his hands was incorruptible.If a woman loves him and lives with him, he can give her nothing but solitude. "The nun is always there," said Elena stubbornly.
After a few days she began to wonder if she should cut her long hair.She brought up the subject again and again.Does he like it?Does he think she looks good with a short haircut?What does he think?Should she cut her hair?Eitel, feigning interest, finally commented that he was starting to think maybe she should cut her long hair.Her long hair was part of her good looks, but if it got messy one night it was not easy to keep it in order.
"Will you still love me if I cut my hair?" Elena asked, then decided, "No, you won't love me."
"If my love depends on a haircut, you might as well take this opportunity to try it out," he said, wondering too: Did she mean it?
"Yes, I should try it out."
Ever since he came back from Bobby's that night, he knew that it was not yet ripe to get rid of Elena.So, he always felt sad in his heart, he didn't know whether it was for Elena or for himself.He would say to her sadly over and over again, "I know I have nothing for you." As if by saying too much, he could win a kind word from the demon who was judging him. "Keep trying," the devil would say, "you're not yet grossly dishonest." But if he kept telling Elena that he had given her nothing, he'd be attracted to another thought.During those long sleepless nights he would think that, to be fair, he must marry her, someone must marry her.Otherwise, he would have heard her future lover complain: "Munsing won't marry her, Eitel won't marry her, why should I marry her?" The only answer to this is that they should marry, and he Started thinking about how to talk to her, and then how to arrange a divorce.He had to make it clear to Elena that they were married in order to get divorced.In this way, she may find other lovers.As the former Mrs. Eitel, the divorced wife of a former great director, that was a much better name than Miss Esposito.Then he would be married for the fourth time--it wouldn't cost much--but she...she would feel that there was a man who cared so much for her that he gave her his last name.For Elena, having or not having the title made all the difference.If she could play this card well... unfortunately Elena would never learn, she would never use her cards.Annoyed by this, Eitel stares at the ceiling, wondering if he can make Elena see this as clearly as he does.In this way, the days passed, and Eitel continued to revise the script, not satisfied with the progress of this matter.
One afternoon, when he was busy with work, Lulu called.The start of filming was delayed by a week, so she decided to spend the night in Desert Doyle, and to celebrate Dorothea was throwing a party for her. "Charlie, you've got to go," Lulu said on the phone. "I guess I came back to talk to you."
Eitel said, "I heard you and Sergius have broken up."
"Yeah, it was a bit of a frenzy back then, but now I think the wound has healed."
"I believe your wound has healed long ago." Eitel said.
"Damn it."
"You say Dorothea gave the party?"
"Charlie, absolutely no problem. Dorothea really wants you to come. I can't say more, but trust me, there are good reasons for asking you to come."
This meeting was like many others.The Hangover Palace was newly decorated. Fifty guests crowded into a big room, and another fifty guests would arrive one after another.This did not surprise him at all.Lulu happened to be in the hall, and she led them directly to Dorothea.Dorothea was sitting on a stool in the bar, receiving her guests.
"Damn it," said Dorothea, "every time we see poor Charlie Eitel at a party people keep introducing us."
"Once you two get to know each other," Lulu said, ignoring Elena, "there's bound to be romance."
"It's been romantic for a long time." Dorothea said, and then she giggled.She squinted at Elena and added, "Have fun, baby."
They walked leisurely through the great house, and talked for a while with Dorothea's husband.Martin Paley looked happy to be with Elena.From time to time he would take Eitel aside and tell him what a wonderful and lovely man he had. "She's a fantastic girl," Paley said.He called her name. "Elena," Paley said, "you're so wonderful and lovely."
Elena blushed, and she looked anxiously at the crowd in Dorothea's room. "I thought it was a nice party," she said.
"You know, I've been wanting to know about the two of you," Paley continued. "Everyone is. When are you going to get married?"
Elena had no expression on her face.Paley pats Eitel on the back. "Such a beautiful and gentle girl, you should marry her."
"She doesn't want to marry me," Eitel said.
"I'm going to drink something," Elena said and walked away.
"It was a fantastic night," Paley said again. He leaned closer and whispered heavily, "You should marry Elena."
"Yes." Eitel said.Paley was a nuisance to him, as was every married man.
At parties they played ghost games and charades.A group of people gathered around the slot machine in the foyer between the big house and the living room and played non-stop.They kept feeding quarters, and there was a line above the slot that read: DOROTHIA OFEY RETIREMENT FUND.At this time, Eitel could not find Elena.He took part in the charades with gusto and was easily the best player on his team.After an hour or two - he lost track of the time - he got bored and suddenly realized he was drunk.On the other side of the room, Elena was standing helplessly outside the crowd. He saw it, but he didn't want to go to help her.Later he saw Marion Fay saying something to her, which did not disturb him.He believed nothing would happen.
A man came up with Dorothea and said "Hello" to him.Eitel recognized him immediately.Upon hearing this voice, Eitel felt a wave of fear.That was MP, Richard Selwyn Crane, member of the Subversive Inquiry Committee.Eitel often dreamed of Crane's gray hair, rosy cheeks, and energetic face in his nightmares, and heard the soft voice of the MP. "I want you two to get acquainted," said Dorothea, and left.
"It was a good party tonight," said Crane, "but Dorothea's always had a good party."
In the days when Dorothea chaired the rambling column, she mentioned Crane every week.He was a distinguished member of Congress, and Dorothea told her readers that of all her friendships, none was more precious than that of Crane.
"I'm not familiar with Dorothea's parties," Eitel said.He spoke carefully, carefully controlling his emotions.
"If you knew better, you'd like her," Crane said affectionately. "Dottie... oh, Dottie was a famous actor. A movie audience your age always loves someone like that." At this moment, there was a burst of laughter and screams from the charade crowd, and Ke Lan frowned comically. "Mr. Eitel," he said, "I want to talk to you. Shall we go upstairs?"
Eitel looked at Crane silently.At a moment's inability to think of what to say in response--there were so many conflicting answers to choose from--he nodded and followed Crane out of the hall with a beating heart.They came to a maid's room upstairs.There was a bottle of wine on the table, and an unopened pack of cigarettes by the ashtray.
The Senator sat down on the bed and motioned for Eitel to sit in the only armchair in the room.They were silent for a while, and could hear the eager and greedy noise of the party downstairs. "I've wanted to talk to you for a long time," Crane said.
"I know." Eitel glanced at the whiskey on the table and replied briefly.
Crane sat back and watched him thoughtfully. "Mr. Eitel," he said, "I know you don't like me, but the strange thing is, the day I questioned you, I had the feeling that we could be friends on other occasions."
"Isn't it unwise to be seen with me?" Eitel interrupted him.His beating heart had calmed down, but he felt that no expression should be shown on his face.This is a matter of honor.
"There's always risk in politics," Crane said, "but I'm sure it's not misleading."
"In other words, the Subversion Investigative Committee knew you were going to meet me."
"They know I'm interested in your case."
"why?"
"We all felt it was a disgrace."
"Ah, really!"
"Mr. Eitel, maybe you have the idea that we like to persecute people. But this is just not true. Personally, I can say that my biggest concern is the safety of this country. Necessary to hurt people. For some witnesses we do a good job, you will be surprised to know. I can say, it is my consistent belief that our work, for any industry, has a cleansing moral, uplifting Spiritual effect. You know, my father is a country pastor." Crane added in a friendly tone, but Eitel didn't smile back, so he just nodded coldly.
"When we got to you," he continued, "we got intelligence that you were an official member of the Communist Party. But then we learned that wasn't the case."
"Then why didn't the investigative committee announce that?"
"Is that a sensible request?" Crane asked. "What you said at the time was very influential."
"I don't understand why you guys are interested in me."
"We thought you could be of help to us. If we retrace your old social connections, maybe you'll discover something you weren't even aware of."
"Will you hold a secret hearing?"
"I can't speak for the committee, but I think that's one thing you can do."
Eitel knew in his heart that the idea of holding a secret hearing had been tempting him for a long time.Perhaps it was this that prevented him from being more courteous. "If I testify, Crane," he said, "what are you going to say to the press?"
"We don't manipulate them. You can laugh, but we feel the press distorts our image." Crane shrugged. "Maybe you could ask your lawyer or your public relations manager to throw a cocktail party. According to me Understand, it's a good way to ease relations with the press. Of course, I'm no expert in these matters."
Eitel did laugh. "My senator, it is hard to imagine that you are an amateur in this field."
"Mr. Eitel," Crane said, "I don't know if there's any point in going on."
"Politicians must be used to some sarcasm," Eitel said, "especially when you're new to politics."
Crane put on a smile. "Why are you against me?" he said gently. "I'm just trying to help you."
"I prefer to help myself," Eitel said.He looked at Crane. "Speak to your committee, and if there is even the slightest possibility, make some arrangements. Of course, the meeting must be held in secret."
"We'll think about it," Crane said, "and let you know. I'm flying back east tomorrow, and if you want to call anytime, here's my office number." He smiled and patted Amy. Tell's back and told a joke about how a Secret Service agent disguised himself as a woman at a dinner party.Then they went downstairs to the party.In the room they parted, and Eitel squeezed into a corner and started drinking again.He hardly knew whether he was in a good mood or in a rage.
Marion Fay stopped beside him. "You cost me a girl," he said.
"You mean Elena?" Eitel asked.
"Bobby." Marion drew on his cigarette. "I made a deal with Cory Munsing when he came here last week."
"What did Corley want her to do?"
Fay shrugged. "He didn't want her. He hired her as a warehouse clerk at Best Picture."
"poor child."
"She'll love that job," Marion said. "It's a long-term job." He smiled. "Did you know that Don Beda is here tonight?"
"Isn't he in Europe?" Eitel asked.
Marion ignored the remark. "Don told me he had a crush on Elena. He wants you to meet his wife and see if you like her."
"I think Beda's divorced," he said to Faye.
"He's married again. Wait to meet his chick, an English model. Don't you know?"
Beda's marriage was famous, and no one could understand it.At various times he was married to an actor, a Negro singer, a Texas oil magnate heiress with a European title--the origin of which was a scandalous title--and allegedly She is the most expensive prostitute in South America.Because of all this, Beda became famous for throwing the biggest social gatherings in New York.These parties became legendary, they were non-stop parties, some stalwarts lingered on even after the band was gone, there were goers or college students who would come in for a weekend, and the sticklers would try to get along with all the guests Get to know each other one by one.There was even a fashion for people to say when they met: "I was at Beda's party, of course I left early."
The other fifty guests had arrived by this time, and the room had grown so crowded that Fay and Eitel were nearly touching each other.Someone somewhere is trying to sing a ditty.Eitel wondered how many meetings Dorothea had arranged tonight.He hates matchmaking.The crush of the crowd and the effects of the alcohol were almost too much for him, he thought vaguely. "I don't know," he said. "I hope I don't meet Beda tonight."
But this is no longer possible.Beda had already squeezed towards him and took his hand. "Charlie, old chap." He smiled.
The strange thing about Beda is that he looks like a satyr.He was handsome, slightly corpulent, with a small scar on his cheek, a thick black mustache, and protruding eyes.He has the confidence of a successful man who knows people are talking about him.He once boasted that he could invite anyone to his social gatherings. "You'd never guess who's going to be there," he'd say, laughing, "my money called them." And everyone would laugh, even though Beda was known to be quite rich.Eitel once told Elena about Beda, and she was fascinated. "What does he do?" she asked.
"No one knows. He's an enigma. He made his fortune in stocks, or so everyone said. I've heard he owns hotels, maybe nightclubs. Also, he seems to have made a fortune in some TV-related business." invest."
"Sounds like he has five hands," Elena said.
"Yes, it's really hard to see through him."
Beda was close at hand, saying to him, "Charlie, that chick of yours is very cute."
Eitel nodded. "I heard you're married again."
"It's inevitable." Beda said, pointing to Eitel, who was a tall and slender woman in a red dress. "I know them all," he said with a smile, "but Zilia is the most beautiful. I had to take her from the big fat king."
"Very beautiful," Eitel said.At this moment, dizzy and nauseous because of his inability to drink, he felt that the woman was as beautiful as any woman he had ever seen, and her worth was so expensive.Then he found that Marion had slipped away, and he was very annoyed.
"Hey, buddy, do you want to communicate?" Beda said.His words became more and more like this.When Eitel first met him ten years ago, Beda was engaged in writing, and even became famous for writing various professional essays.Beda was living in the film capital with his first wife, the actress.At that time he was not well known.Eitel thought he was a little odd, because Beda had written and directed a film out of his own pocket.The film was made, but both economically and artistically, the film had too much atmosphere, too many foreshadowings and allusions, and as a result, no one could understand it. It was a purely poetic film.Despite this, Eitel still thinks Beda is very talented.
But who will remember his brilliance?I remember one night, at Beda's home, Beda asked his wife to stay with Eitel overnight.On that day, Eitel happened to bring a girl he had just met, and Beda suggested that they exchange partners.All four agreed, and Mrs. Beda said to Eitel afterwards: "I hope we can meet again." So Eitel still remembers that interesting night.It was Beda who had been avoiding him ever since.
"Charlie, I just said, do you want to communicate?"
"What do you mean by 'Would you like to communicate?'?"
"I'm sure you're drunk." Beda looked at a woman who had been staring at him curiously for a while.Beda winked at her, but the woman avoided in embarrassment. "Oh my God, it's the tourists," he said, "they've spoiled Desert Doyle. Kylia is tired of living in New York and I promise her we'll have a good time here. 'Under the sun?' She asked." Beda chuckled, "Hey, Charlie, you know we've been exploring our own tastes. I already have a general idea of Elena's pillow style. She has a rough and depressed nature, a little Slutty, and full of energy. Am I right?"
They should be talking more about a wine from the local countryside. "You're not quite right," Eitel said, "Elena has more than energy." He didn't know if this was protecting her or revealing her privacy. "Life has become confusing," he thought to himself.
"It's not just energy," repeated Beda. "She's a sensible person, isn't she, Charlie?" he asked, and then answered himself, "Yes, so now the proposal goes through. She's a very sensitive girl." .” He laughed. "Charlie, I'm telling you, we've got to get together. We'll all get something out of it."
"Don't just sell skills." Eitel wanted to say, but didn't believe this inspired sentence.Taking advantage of his drunkenness, he smiled mysteriously at Beda. "You know, Don," he said slowly, "every gourmet is a buried philosopher."
"Ha, ha, ha, ha. As Munsing said, 'I love you.'"
Beda was still grinning, but Eitel finally said, "Elena is complicated."
"What kind of talk is this?" Beda glanced around the room, "I've never met anyone who is not complicated. Why don't we slip away immediately and go to my residence?" Before Eitel could answer, Beda Da is counting the number of people. "The four of us," he said, "you, me, Zilia, and Elena, plus Marion and his two girls, have you seen them here?—one of them was very good —Only Marion can bring call girls to Dorothea's party. I think Lulu can, and any single man. I'd love to have Dorothea, she's so respectable respectable."
"Dorothea won't go."
"How is Lulu?"
"No, Lulu will reject you too." Eitel said, trying to buy time.
"Are you sure?"
"She'd think," Eitel said, "of a police raid or something."
"Well, then the rest of us."
Eitel began to move away from the corner. "Not tonight, Don," he said, "not really."
"Charlie!"
What is his excuse? "Don, I beg your pardon," the excuse was unbelievable, "I'm not feeling well tonight."
Beda stared at him with piercing eyes. "You want to pick another night for the four of us to get together?"
Eitel flicked a business card in his pocket.He wanted to know whose business card it was, and then remembered it.That's Congressman Crane's business card. "I don't know, I don't want to get together again," Eitel said, "If I change my mind, I'll call you."
"I'll call you." Bei Da said this with an emphatic tone, and let him leave.Eitel went upstairs to the bathroom and vomited for a while.At such moments his mind cleared.Everything was back to normal and seemed distant. "Do I really want to say no to Crane?" He thought to himself, but he vomited again, and then thought to himself: "Why is my mind always so sensitive when I'm so drunk and helpless?" ?”
As soon as he was downstairs, he squeezed his way to the bar, took a few aspirins, and picked up his glass again.A little businessman, Mr. Consolidouy from Chicago, struck up conversation with him.He asked Eitel how much it would cost to make a documentary about his business.It was a lactic acid production company, Mr. Consolidouy explained: "I asked for less money and a good film."
"That's the way requests are made," Eitel said, pouring another glass.Everything is stupid, everything. "Can you smell vomit on my breath?" he said solemnly.
A familiar rustling sound came from behind, and Lulu came over and kissed his face. "Charlie, I've been looking for you all night. Isn't it wonderful that Crane is so interested in you?" Eitel nodded, and Mr. Consoladore greeted them both. "My friend," he said to Eitel with some pride, the tone that those courtiers who have just learned a foreign tongue speak with such complacency, "I will retire, so that you and your sweetheart The girl is intoxicated."
"Who is this person?" Lulu asked.
"This guy wants me to direct a two-million-dollar epic."
"So happy for you, Charlie. How much does he pay?"
"Five hundred dollars."
Lulu gave him a sideways look, then burst out laughing. "You win," she said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Charlie, are you interested in listening to my heart tonight?" Before he could answer, she went on, "I think only you can understand my current mood."
"Why only me?" he asked.
"Because, Charlie, I loved you very much. But you broke my heart. I've always felt that you are best understood by those who can break your heart."
He was too drunk to do anything.It didn't matter if he drank more or less whiskey, he was dazed, troubled, and his stomach was in a tizzy.
"Yes, Lulu, it's the same for me," he said.He felt that it was okay to say anything at this time.
"We were stupid then, weren't we?"
"Stupid."
"You know I'm in love again."
"With Tony Tanner?"
She nodded. "I think it's true this time." Seeing that he didn't answer, she went on. "Everyone is against us being in love. I'm the only one who understands something about Tony."
"What a way to describe falling in love," Eitel said.
"I'm serious, Charlie. Tony has a lot of potential, and he's a lot more sensitive inside than you think. I just love the combination of qualities in a man."
"What kind of combination?"
"Oh, rude and sensitive. Tony's an interesting mix of the two. He'd be a very interesting guy if I could give him a little time. You should understand," she said.
"When did all this happen?"
"The last ten days," Lulu said. "By the way, it's only getting started now. Tony's a living encyclopedia. And the funny thing is, you know, I didn't even like him at all at first."
All around them, with people jostling and the din of a party filling his ears, he admired a talent he and Lulu shared.Both are good at giving their friends just the right nod to keep them out of their way.
"And Sergius?" he asked. "Have you invited him tonight?"
She nodded. "Of course I'm invited." Lulu shook her head again, "However, maybe he's staying at home and getting angry."
"Two weeks ago you thought you were still in love with him."
she laughed. "Ah," she said, "he has so much to learn." She put her hand on his arm again. "Charlie, I hope you understand, I just want the best of luck for you. Really, I know some of the nicest people, and you're one of them." She spoke with moist eyes up. "I even see Elena as you do. I think I like her."
"So, you're in love with Tony?" he repeated.
"I'm sure it is."
"You should ask me to help you get rid of this love."
"Yo, you're drunk."
"No. I just wanted to know why you didn't bring him."
"Because... I wanted to part ways so that I could miss him. Now I miss him a lot."
She looks so cute, Eitel thought.As they talked, Lulu's purple-blue eyes kept smiling at him. They smiled meaningfully. They seemed to say, "You and I can pretend, but we both remember." year drunk.Was it only a year ago, two years ago, when they were husband and wife and people thought he was condescending to her?Now that she had left him, a new generation had arrived, and Tony Tanner was just a little thing who waited hours outside his office for a chance to say "Hello." "You're going to Europe soon?" he asked after a moment of silence.Of course she will go to Europe soon.Then throw an important party and hit the road.
"The most annoying thing," said Lulu, "is that I don't think Tony loves me."
"That's all right. As long as you make him look good, he'll love you."
"You're getting old and bitter, Charlie."
But worst of all, Eitel thought, he wanted her so badly right now.He wanted her more urgently than when they were husband and wife.Across the room he saw Don Beda talking to Elena, and he knew that if he slipped away with Lulu, Elena would probably leave with Beda and his beautiful wife.
"What are you thinking?" Lulu asked suddenly.
He could feel himself swaying on tiptoes. "I was just thinking," Eitel said, "that it's impossible to remember what a former lady looked like."
Lulu laughed. "Where are those pictures you took?"
"Oh, it's all ruined," he said.
"I don't believe it, Charlie." She hugged him casually and twisted his earlobe. "I think it's too low-key," she said, "but I don't mind if you want to take pictures of me, just a few of course."
"Lulu, let's leave together." Eitel said.
"What are you going to do?"
"You know exactly what to do."
"Drop Elena here?"
He hated it when she asked that. "Yes, leave Elena here," he said, feeling suddenly guilty of sacrilege.The crime is that it is so easy to say.
"Charlie, I find you very attractive tonight, but I want to stay true to Tony."
"shit."
"You should be ashamed of yourself for making such a request. I've got to learn a little bit every time."
"Let's get out of here," Eitel said. "I'll show you a new encyclopedia."
Then he realized that Elena was at his side.There was no way of knowing if she had heard him, and in fact it didn't matter.Seeing him leaning over Lulu so affectionately, everyone will guess what's going on.
"I want to go home now," Elena said, "but you don't have to go back with me. I know you want to stay here." It would be too bad to make a scene at the Yi family's party.
"No, I'll go with you." He said calmly.
Lulu spoke. "Why don't you stay, Charlie? Elena has given her permission."
"You don't have to go with me," Elena repeated, her eyes sparkling.
Eitel made a mistake. "Would you like to come over to our house for coffee?" he asked Lulu.
"I don't want to go." Lulu replied with a smile.
"Of course, come on, come to the pigsty," said Elena. "The pigs are waiting to mate in the hay."
"Good night, Lulu," Eitel said.
They left without saying goodbye to anyone.As soon as they reached the gate, Dorothea caught up.She was very drunk. "Did it work out with my political friends?" she asked awkwardly.
"Are you waiting to say thank you?" Eitel said.
"Have you been an arrogant son of a bitch all your life?"
Eitel stared into Dorothea's eyes so angry, so drunk, that he remembered that they had once—however briefly—been in bed together.This made Eitel feel a sharp pain.When they stopped loving each other, where were those love words scattered back then, and which cemetery in the sky were they buried in?
"Elena, let's go," he said, ignoring Dorothea.
"You don't deserve to be helped at all," Dorothea yelled angrily behind them as they hurried off.
On the way home, neither of them spoke.After arriving home, Eitel parked the car in the garage first, then followed Elena into the living room, and mixed a glass of wine for himself.
"You're a coward," Elena scolded. "You wanted to stay there, but you didn't."
He sighed. "Well, baby, you don't want to stay, and neither do I."
"Oh, of course. I don't, and neither do you. But you wanted to take Lulu somewhere, and I got in the way, didn't I?"
What a wife she has become, he thought to himself. "You're not disturbing anything," he said mechanically.
"Do you think I need you so much?" She got angry at him all of a sudden, "Do you want to know something? Once I get drunk, I will be far away from you."
“我一旦喝醉，更加爱你。”他说。
“为什么你要这样子对我撒谎？”她一脸怒气，竭力控制自己不哭出来。“没有你我也可以过日子。”她说，“今晚在聚会上我明白了，我能够离开你，并且永远不再想念你。”他没有说什么，于是她更加生气。“我要告诉你一件事，”她不停地说着，“你的那个朋友，那个混账东西唐·贝达，要我跟他和他的老婆回家去，他还对我说……他以为我是下贱东西。我真想跟他去，”她尖叫着，“我和他是一路货色。因此不用觉得你对我做了亏心事。要是你想寻欢作乐一番，别以为我在阻挠你。我也可以去寻欢作乐一番。”
在这种时刻露出笑容，那简直糟糕透顶，可他不由自主地笑了一下。“我可怜的宝贝。”他说。
“我恨你。”埃琳娜悻悻骂着，走进了卧室。
唉，他醉得这么厉害。可怜的小倒霉蛋，他这样想着埃琳娜。她肯定不相信他会娶她，然而他会的。他独自坐在那儿考虑，该说些什么话，能最有魅力地表达娶她的意思。忽而他不禁哑然失笑。此时此刻，他似乎什么都看透了。这简直太荒谬可笑了，半个多小时之前他还不顾一切地只想与露露上床。那时埃琳娜必定正受着唐·贝达同等强烈的引诱。否则她刚才不会骂他混账东西。犹如一阵微风拂去了他对露露残存的欲望，这时他想到或许他会做出比接受贝达的邀请更糟糕的事。想到将埃琳娜扔在这样的聚会里，虽然让人感到十分不安，却并非是很讨厌的事。正像一个勇敢的人，从镜子中观看医生在他身上施行手术一样，艾特尔感到仿佛他正勇敢地审视自己的内心。曾经有那么一次，不记得是多久之前，有个女孩只不过跟他说了句话，他便像个害羞而又激情的少年，浑身热血奔涌。他长叹一声，脑中朦朦胧胧浮起一些颇具哲理的想法：时间犹如液体，液体会干涸，时间会了无踪影。
毫无疑问，这时候埃琳娜在伤心。他想，埃琳娜真有点儿喜剧性。好喜剧的精髓往往在于正剧的错位，而她看待自己过于一本正经。那么，他就报之以正剧罢，这恰是他提议结婚的好时候。于是他站起身，进了卧室，看到埃琳娜正躺在床罩上。她的脸埋在双臂上，正是普通女演员表现悲痛的经典姿势，完全正确，埃琳娜既然真诚而富喜剧性，应该躺成这副姿势。他轻轻碰了一下她的背，她动了一下。或许她想告诉他，刚才她说的有关唐·贝达的话并不当真？
“出去。”埃琳娜骂道。
“别这样，亲爱的，我有话对你说。”
“请让我单独待会儿。”
他开始抚弄她的头发。“亲爱的，”他说，“我已经坏了不少事，但你必须明白，我很疼爱你。一想到伤了你的心，我就受不了。”从某种意义上说确实是这样。“我的意思是，我希望你永远幸福。”确实，要是他能将幸福赐予什么人的话，他早将它赐给她了。
“只是些空话。”埃琳娜伏在枕头上脱口说道。
“我要求我们俩结婚。”艾特尔说。
她一下子坐了起来，转过脸来对着他。
“要知道，我的想法是，我们可以继续这样子生活。如你觉得这样下去不好，嗯，那么，在我们分手之前我们可以先结婚，然后我们再离婚。我是说，我知道你多么想结婚，因为你感到没有人那样关心过你。而我想向你表明，我真的关心你。”
她的眼中涌出了泪，泪淌下她的脸，慢慢滴落在她的手上。她有气无力地坐在那里，双手搁在大腿上。
“你觉得怎么样，亲爱的？”
“你一点也不尊重我。”她的声音很低沉。
“可我对你已这么尊重了。你看不出来？”
“别提这事了。”她说。
他感受到那种在彻底失败之前才有的隐隐的绝望。“你还没有明白，”他说，“要知道，不管发生了什么，我都会娶你。”
她不知所措，只是缓缓地左右摇头。“唉，查利，”她说，“我恨自己。我一直想鼓起勇气离开你，可我做不到。我害怕。”
“那么，你一定得照我说的，与我结婚。”
“不。你难道不明白我决不能那样做？你就没想想你是在什么情况下提出结婚的？”
“但你一定得与我结婚。”他十分慌乱地说。出路已经安排好，她正向此靠近。而要是他们不结婚，他只好继续与她同居下去。
“如果你不需要我了，我就走，”埃琳娜说，“但我再也不想谈结婚的事。”
最后，她赢得了他的尊重，可他却无法向她解释这点。他用麻木的手指碰了碰她的脚。他暗自想，勇气之本在于选择于事无补却多有风险之事，这就是为什么他所了解的这个世界很糟糕，因为它坚持操行和谨慎的一致。他已完全适应了这个世界，她却还没有。她会和他同居，直到他不再需要她，关于此后还会发生什么的想法折磨着他的身心，疼得就像真的伤口一样。“我真是堕落透顶。”他大叫着，为证明自己的绝望，他开始痛哭流涕，并紧紧抱住了她。他双手用力搂住她的背，胸口因不停哭泣而剧烈颤动。
埃琳娜待他很温柔。她像个伤心的母亲，抚着他的头发。她说话的声音轻柔而理智：“别急，慢慢来，亲爱的。别弄得非流泪不可。”她用手轻轻抚着他的脸，嘴角渐渐浮出一丝痛苦的笑容。“要知道，查利，真的还不算很糟糕。我总可以找到别的男人。”
艾特尔明显感到一阵难熬的酸楚直透心脾，于是他明白自己依然身处痛苦的妒忌牢狱之中。在那一两分钟里他爱她到了极点，但他知道这样强烈的爱只能维持片刻，因为在他爱她的同时他又清楚自己不敢爱她。尽管她很年轻，他却从她的话音中听出，她的阅历非他所能比拟，因此假如他守着她不放，就必然会走上她的道路，而他这一生都在尽量避免走上这条路。
于是，因不堪承受思想上的压力，他又哭了起来。“为什么在我醉得无可奈何之时，脑子总是这么敏感？”一时间他想起多少未及实现和不可能实现的事，人生的苦恼一齐涌上心头。他又哭泣起来，那是一个成熟男人的苦涩的泪，因为，确确实实，这是二十五年来他第一次伤心落泪。然而，在他这样伤心落泪时，部分哀痛却是因埃琳娜而起，因为他明白，既然她不愿与他结婚，他就必须找另外的途径摆脱她，以使自己重获自由。
Notes:
Notes: