Chapter 16 Of course, soldiers are needed...but I also want to be a beautiful woman

We live underground like moles...but the little knick-knacks and knick-knacks of the girl's house have been preserved.When spring comes, I will feel much happier when I break off a few willow branches and put them up.Because you may not be alive tomorrow, seeing these graceful willow branches will remind us of ourselves, remind ourselves, and remember ourselves... A girl received a woolen dress from her home, and we were all very envious, although in the army Personal clothing is not allowed.Our steward, who is still a man, likes to babble: "It would be more useful if I sent you a little sheet." Indeed, we don't even have sheets and pillows. They sleep on twigs and straw.But I also secretly hide a pair of earrings, and I wear earrings to sleep every night...

When I was injured for the first time, I couldn't hear the sound in my ears, and I couldn't speak with my mouth.I made a promise to myself: If I don't get my voice back, I'll just throw myself under the wheels of a train.I love singing so much, but suddenly I lost my voice.Fortunately, my voice came back later. I was so happy now that I put on the earrings.When I was on duty, I was so happy that I shouted loudly: "Comrade Captain, Sentinel XX reports to you..." "what is this?" "what? What?" "You leave me!" "What's wrong?"

"Take off your earrings immediately! What kind of soldier is this?" The captain was so handsome that all of us girls were kind of obsessed with him.He used to tell us that soldiers are needed in times of war, and only soldiers.Soldiers are needed, of course... But I also want to be a beauty... I was scared throughout the war for fear of hurting my legs, and I have beautiful long legs.What is this for a man?They are not so afraid, even if they lose their legs, they are heroes anyway, and they can still be grooms!And if a woman is lame, her life's fate is sealed.The destiny of a woman...

I was optimistic throughout the war... I felt I had to laugh as much as I could, because women were supposed to shine.Before going to the front line, an old professor taught us this way: "You should tell every wounded person that you love him. The most effective panacea is love. Love can save people and give people the strength to live." The wounded lay there, He's in so much pain that he can't help crying, and you say to him, "My darling, my darling..." If the other person asks you, "Do you love me, little sister?" (they say to us young girls Called Xiaomei.) We replied: "Of course, I love you. But you need to get better soon." The wounded may curse because of the pain, but we must not.One impolite word will get us punished and locked up.

It's hard...of course it's difficult...like climbing into a car in a skirt when you're surrounded by all men.Special ambulances are tall trucks and you have to climb to the top!try it yourself…… The superior put us on the train, which was a freight car... There were only twelve of us girls, and the rest were all men.The train stopped after traveling ten to fifteen kilometers.But it was these ten to fifteen kilometers that made us fall into an embarrassing deadlock.Neither water nor toilets...you understand? The men built a bonfire near the parking lot, undressed, and warmed themselves up while scratching lice.Where can we go?We had to run to some quiet place to change.I was wearing a knitted sweater, and the lice were in every crevice, every millimeter of the sweater.Disgusting to look at: head lice, body lice, pubic lice, I have them all...but I can't be around men...how can I have a fire with men to get rid of lice...it's embarrassing.I simply threw away the sweater and just wore a dress.At some station, a woman I don't know took off a blouse and a pair of old shoes for me.

Another long train ride followed by a long walk.It's freezing.I kept looking in the mirror as I walked: Am I not frostbitten?But at night, I found that my cheeks were frostbitten.I didn't know anything before this... I heard that when the cheeks are frostbitten, they are all white.But my face is flushed red, very pretty.I thought, since it's still pretty, why not just freeze it like this.But the next day it turned black... There were a lot of beautiful girls among us... Once we went to take a bath, and there was a hairdresser near the bath.So we just walked in, looked at each other, got our brows and lips done.As a result, the officer reprimanded us: "Did you come to fight or dance?" We all cried all night and wiped off our makeup.When I got up the next morning, the officer walked around and repeated to every female soldier: "I need soldiers, not ladies. Beautiful women can't survive in war." What a very strict commander. .And before the war, he was a math teacher...

I feel like I've lived two lives, different lives of a man and a woman... As soon as I entered the school, I began to talk about military discipline: apart from going to class and walking in queues, everything was done according to the rules in the dormitory, and there was no tolerance for us girls.All day long, we hear: "Don't talk!" "Who is talking secretly?" But every night, we are anxious to sit down to sew and embroider... Women, anyway, this is the memory... let go at any time No more.We've been away from home, we've got no chores to do, we're not women in a way.The superiors only gave us one hour to rest: we could only sit in the Leninist study room and write letters, and we could also stand and talk freely for a while, but we were not allowed to laugh out loud, let alone shout—all of these were disciplines .

Can you sing? No, you can't. Why can't you sing? There are regulations.Singing must be ordered by the superior when the assembly is in line before it can be sung.To listen to the command: "Go, sing!" Can't sing at other times? no.This is not in compliance. It's hard to get used to, isn't it? I don't think I'll ever get used to it.You only had time to sleep, and there was often an emergency assembly: "Get up now!" Like the wind blowing us out of bed.You start to put on clothes, but women always have more clothes than men, and you are in a hurry.At last, he took the belt in his hand and hurried to the locker room, then put on his overcoat while running and rushed into the armory, where he put the shovel for digging bunkers on, fixed it on the belt, and hung the bullet box, Fasten the belt.Then he picked up the rifle, buckled the bolt while running, and ran down the stairs from the fourth floor, which could be said to be sliding down.Finally, he hurriedly stood in the queue.Everything has to be done within minutes.

That's how it was at the front... My boots were three sizes too big, like two crooked boats, full of dust.The hostess gave me two eggs and said: "Take it on the road and eat it. Such a thin body will fall down in a while." These two egg washes clean my big boots.Of course I want to eat it too, but the beauty-loving nature of women prevails.You can't imagine how rough the coat is, how heavy the outfit is, and everything from the belt to everything else is men's.I especially don't like coats rubbing against my neck, and these boots, walk crookedly, everything changes...

I vividly remember how miserable we were, and marching was the worst time... It's not that easy to turn us into warriors...it's really not that easy... When the superiors issued the uniforms, the chief of staff called us to line up and said: "The toes of the shoes must be aligned!" We quickly aligned the toes.The toes lined up, but we were set back again, because the boots were a size forty or forty-one.The chief secretary kept yelling: "Toe, toe!" Then he ordered: "Students, look at the chest of the fourth!" Of course we couldn't, so he yelled, "What do you keep in your coat pockets?"

We all laughed. "Don't laugh!" cried the steward. For a welcome to be done on time and correctly, everything from the chairs to the sign has to be done.Haha, the chief secretary has suffered a lot when dealing with us girls. Once in the city, we lined up to go to the bathhouse to take a bath.The male soldiers are on the men's side, and we are on the women's side.But as soon as I entered the women's bathhouse, I heard the women inside screaming, and some women quickly covered their bodies and shouted: "Soldiers are coming in!" It turned out that they couldn't tell whether we were girls or boys. , our hair was cut very short, and we all wore military uniforms, regardless of gender.Another time we went into the toilet, and all the women in it ran to call the police.We asked the police: "Then where should we go to solve the problem?" The police turned around and yelled at the women: "These are all girls!" "What kind of girls are they all soldiers..." I only remember one road, the one we walked back and forth countless times... When we arrived at the 2nd Belorussian Front, our superiors wanted to keep us at division headquarters.They said: "You are all women, why do you have to go to the front?" We replied: "No, we are all snipers, please send us to where we are needed." So the superior said to us: "Then Put you in the regiment of a colonel who loves girls." Commanders have a very different temper, they tell us. The colonel greeted us with these words: "Look, girls, you're here to fight, so go ahead and fight, but you can't do anything else. You're surrounded by men, there's no Women. God knows how to explain this to you. War, girls..." He knew very well that we were still quite children.The first time an enemy plane came to attack me, I just sat there and put my hands on my head. I didn't realize until later that I couldn't bear to part with my hands.Just not ready to die. I still remember after entering Germany... oh, how funny!In a small town in Germany, we were arranged to spend the night in a castle with many rooms and a huge vestibule.What a beautiful hall!The closet is full of beautiful clothes, all of which are girls' clothes, and each one suits you.I really like a goose yellow skirt and a long skirt, which is indescribably beautiful, long and fluffy...I think it can only be found in Pushkin's poems!It was time to lie down and sleep, everyone was exhausted.We just put them on and lay down to sleep, and fell asleep right away in our favorite clothes.I'm just wearing that yellow dress with a long skirt over it... Another time we were trying on hats one after another in a hat shop whose owner had escaped, and we sat up and slept all night just to get a little more time to wear them.Waking up in the morning...we look in the mirror again...then take off all our hats and go back to our own jackets and trousers.We can't take anything, even an extra needle on the march is too heavy.But in the end, I sneaked a small spoon into my boot shaft, and that's all... Men...they're a different kind of people...don't all understand us... But we all liked Colonel Putchin very much and called him "Papa".Unlike others, he understands our women's thoughts very well.During the retreat outside Moscow, the most difficult time, he tells us: Girls, Moscow is right next to us.I'll find you a hairdresser, and you can paint your eyebrows, curl your eyelashes, and perm your hair.It's not allowed by the rules, but I hope you all stay beautiful.The war is constant...not ending anytime soon... The Colonel actually found a barber out of nowhere, and we all permed and groomed ourselves.We were so happy that day, so happy... That time we crossed the ice of Lake Ladoga to attack the enemy and encountered heavy artillery fire.There is icy water everywhere, and as soon as a person is injured and falls down, he will immediately sink to the bottom of the water.I crawled around to bandage the wounded.When I climbed to the side of a soldier whose legs had been blown off, he had already lost consciousness in his legs, but he pushed me away and rushed to his little "boutique bag", which is a pocket.He was looking for his emergency ration bag.People are dying and still looking for food... When we march in the snow and ice, we carry our own food.I tried to bandage him, but he just stuck his hand in his ration bag, no matter what was in it.Some men seem to find it difficult to endure hunger, and hunger is more painful than death in their eyes... I just remember these things about myself... At first, I was afraid of death... Then I was born with worry and curiosity in my heart, and later, there was neither fear nor curiosity, because I was overtired.All the time, the limit of strength is reached, or the limit of ability is surpassed.In the end, there was only one worry left: whether he would look ugly after death.That's what women fear: as long as they don't get blown to pieces... I know what it's like, I've collected blasted limbs myself... The heavy rain fell endlessly... We marched rapidly in the swamp, and people kept falling in the mud.Some were wounded, some died.No one wants to die in this swamp, the black swamp.Well, how can a young girl lie like that in a swamp... Another time, we already hit Belarus... In the great Orsha forest, there are small bushes of cherry everywhere, the flowers are blue, the whole The grass is all blue.It would be worth it to die among such flowers!Lying here quietly... It was so stupid at that time, only seventeen years old... I imagined that I should die like that... At that time, I thought it was like flying somewhere after death.One time we talked about death all night, but only that one time.We never dared to say that word again... Our entire flight regiment was made up of women... In May 1942 we flew to the front... The higher level assigned us the "Wave 2" aircraft.This kind of aircraft is small in size and slow in speed, and can only fly at low altitudes, often at ultra-low altitudes, flying close to the ground!Before the war, young people learned to fly this kind of aircraft in flying clubs. No one thought that it would also be used for military purposes.This aircraft is a wooden structure, made entirely of plywood, and covered with a layer of high-density canvas, which is actually gauze.This kind of aircraft will burn as soon as it is hit, like a ball of fire burning in the air until it falls, just like striking a match, it will be extinguished in an instant.The only solid metal part inside is the M-II engine.Later, towards the end of the war, we were issued a parachute with a machine gun in the cockpit, before that there were no weapons, only four bombs hung under the landing gear, that's all .People call our planes "Kamikazes" now, yeah, we were "Kamikazes" back then.Yes, we are The Expendables!And victory is worth far more than our lives.All for victory! You ask how we survived?I will answer you... Before I retired, I struggled with the thought: What would happen if I didn't work?Why am I finishing a second college after turning fifty?I became a historian. In fact, I should have been a geologist all my life, but a good geologist should always work in the field, and I have no strength.The doctor came and took an electrocardiogram and asked me, "When did you have a myocardial infarction?" "What is an infarction?" "You have some scars in your heart." These scars are obviously left over from the war.When I hovered over the target, my whole body trembled, my whole body trembled, because there was fire below me: fighter jets fired at you, anti-aircraft guns fired at you... Some girls were forced to leave the flying regiment because they couldn't bear it.We fly mostly at night.For a while the superiors tried to send us to bomb buildings during the day, but the idea was dropped immediately.Because our "wave 2" can even hit a submachine gun... We take off before midnight every day.I saw the famous ace Pokoryshkin, who just flew back from an air battle that day.He was a tough man, that is, between twenty and twenty-three years old, about our age: when the plane was refueled, the technician only had time to take off his shirt and twist it, and the sweat poured out like rain .Now it is not difficult to imagine how we did things at that time, right?When we finished our mission and flew back to the base, we didn't even have the strength to climb out of the cockpit, and we had to be dragged out.We were also unable to carry the flight map capsule, so we had to drag it on the ground. Not to mention the work of our female mechanics!They had to hang four bombs, weighing a total of 400 kilograms, on the plane with their bare hands.In this way, throughout the night, one plane took off and another plane landed.Our bodily functions were all changed, we weren't women all through the years of the war, the thing about losing women...that thing that came every month... Well, you get it... After the war, some people Lost fertility. We all smoked back then, and it was only when I was smoking that I could feel a little comfort.When flying in the sky, the whole body will tremble, and only by lighting a cigarette can I calm down.We wore leather jackets and trousers and pullovers, and men’s leather jackets in winter, and we couldn’t help but act manly.After the war, our superiors sewed us khaki skirts, and we suddenly felt like we were still girls... I got a medal not too long ago... the Nightingale International Gold Medal from the Red Cross.All the people who congratulated me were surprised and asked: "How can you recite the one hundred and forty-seven wounded? You are a very delicate little girl in the photo in the military newspaper." In fact, some people counted on me. Probably more than 200 people were rescued at that time.I never got that in my head, we didn't understand the importance of numbers back then.How could I possibly sit down and record how many people I saved when the fighting was going on and people were bleeding?I never predicted when the charge would end, I just crawled and crawled in the flames, back and forth to rescue the wounded.If he got a piece of shrapnel and it took me an hour or two to crawl to his side, he would have bled out of his body long ago, and I would have done nothing. I had three body injuries and three concussions to the brain.During the war, some people dreamed of returning home as soon as possible, and some people dreamed of going to Berlin, but I just wondered if I could live to my birthday, to my eighteenth birthday.Somehow, I was terrified that I was going to die early, not even live to be eighteen.I'm wearing men's pants and a man's hat.Because I always had to crawl on my knees and carry heavy wounded on my back, I was always in rags.It never occurred to me that one day I would be able to stand up and walk upright on the ground instead of crawling.It was just a dream at the time!One day the teacher came for some reason, saw me, and asked, "Why do you still recruit such a young man as a soldier? Why do you keep her? Such a child should have been sent to school." I remember running out of bandages at one point...the kind of machine gun fire wounds that were so bad, not enough to use up all the first aid kits.I just tore off my underwear, turned around and begged the boys: "Take off your underwear and vest, my wounded are going to die." They all took off their underwear and tore them into shreds.I look at them without embarrassment, it's like being with my brothers, and I live among them like a little boy.When we marched, all three of us held arms together, and the middle one could sleep for an hour or two.Then we change another person to the middle. I went all the way to Berlin and wrote on the Reichstag: "I, Sofia Kontsevich, am here to end war." When I saw the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, I would kneel in front of it.In front of every Tomb of the Unknown Soldier...just kneel down without saying a word...