Chapter 31 outsiders
I sat in a corner of the Provenzano Hotel with Jeff Peters, and Jeff explained to me the three types of deceit in the world.
Every winter, Jeff would come to New York, eat New York spaghetti, wear a thick gray fox fur coat to watch the boats loading and unloading goods on the East River, and he also stocked up a batch of clothes made in Chicago in Fuer In a store on Tonton Street.During the other three seasons of the year, his range is west of New York -- mostly between Spokane and Tampa.He was proud of his profession, which he justified with seriousness and a distinctive ethical philosophy.In fact, what he is engaged in is not a new industry.He himself is a penniless, unlimited corporation collecting money from his restless and reckless countrymen.
Jeff would go to New York every year to spend his lonely holidays in this wild place full of high-rise buildings, just like a boy likes to whistle in the woods at sunset.Jeff loves to talk about his many adventures while on vacation.So, I always marked the date of his arrival on my calendar and said in advance that the Provenzano restaurant would have a table for us in the corner next to the beautiful rubber tree bonsai.There are often some wine stains on the table, and unknown court paintings are hung on the wall next to the table.
"There are two types of fraud," Jeff said, "that the law and the government should stop. They're Wall Street speculation and burglary."
"Almost everyone would agree to outlaw the former," I laugh.
"Oh, the latter should also be outlawed for burglary," Jeff said.Hearing what he said, I really don't know whether I should laugh or not.
"About three months ago," said Jeff, "I had the honor of making the acquaintance of two representatives of these two illegal industries. One was a member of the Burglars' Union, and the other was John D. Napoleon of the financial world. "
"What a coincidence," I said with a yawn, "did I tell you? I was hunting on the banks of the Rampos last week and I shot a duck and a ground squirrel in one shot." I know how Tease Jeff to tell his story.
"Let me start by telling you how these villains have tainted the clockwork of justice and the gears of society with their vicious deeds," said Jeff, his eyes twinkling. that pleasure.
"As I said before, about three months ago, I made friends with two such bad guys. In a person's life, the behavior of colluding with bad guys will happen in the following two situations: one is that he is poor one time; one time when he was rich."
"Sometimes the most legitimate of businesses can have bad luck. I took a wrong turn at an intersection in Arkansas and drove right into Biwen. Last spring, I seemed to be there. Wen's done business. I sold six hundred dollars worth of fruit saplings there - plums, cherries, peaches and pears. People in Biwen stare at the country road every day, waiting for me to Passed by here. It wasn’t until I drove the carriage along the main road to the Crystal Palace Pharmacy that I realized that myself and my white horse Bill had fallen into someone’s ambush.”
"The people of Biwen caught me and my Bill by surprise, and began to talk to me about fruit tree seedlings. The leading group put the harness of the carriage through the cuff of my waistcoat, and dragged I'm going to see their orchard."
"The batch of fruit trees they bought from me didn't grow to the specifications stated on the label, mostly persimmon trees and dogwoods, with an occasional clump or two of black bark oak and poplar. The only one that seemed to be fruiting What came to fruition was a strong young poplar, with a hornet's nest and a woman's tattered waistcoat hanging from its branches."
"The people of Biwen dragged me almost out of town, and they took my money and my watch, and took my white horse Bill and my carriage as collateral. The townspeople said that as long as there was a dogwood The tree produced a big peach, and I could come back and get my stuff. Then they pulled out the harness, pointed in the direction of the Rocky Mountains, and told me to get the hell out. I was like Lewis and Clark, and headed straight for the rushing river, densely forested area."
"When I came back to my senses, I found that I had walked along the Santa Fe Railroad into an unknown town. The people of Biwen Town ransacked me, and in my pocket only Tobacco—they weren't out for my life—just for money. I bit off a piece of tobacco, chewed it, and sat down on a pile of sleepers by the track, trying to regain my senses of thought and judgment. ability."
"At this moment, a freight car came speeding along the railway line, and slowed down as it approached the town. A black mass fell from the car and rolled a little in the dust it raised. Twenty yards away. At the end, it stood up, spitting coal ashes in its mouth, and cursing something. I looked carefully, and it turned out to be a young man with a broad face and well-dressed clothes, like a passenger in a sleeper , it doesn’t look like the master who stole a truck, even though his whole body is covered with soot, he still looks cheerful.”
"'Did you fall from the car?' I asked."
"'No,' he said, 'I jumped off myself. I'm at the stop. What town is this?'"
"'I haven't had time to look up a map,' I said, 'I've only been in town five or six minutes before you. Are you in pain?'"
"'It hurts,' he said, twisting one of his arms, 'I think this arm of mine is going to drop—no, my arm's all right, it's not broken.'"
"He stooped down and slapped the dust off his body with his hands, and out of his pocket fell out a nine-inch long, delicate steel rod for thieves. He picked it up and looked at me warily. Glancing, then grinning, and holding out his hand."
"'Hey, buddy,' he said, 'how do you do. I saw you in southern Missouri last summer, didn't you? You're selling a dyed sand there for fifty cents a spoonful that goes in oil lamps and can Prevent the oil in the lamp from exploding.'”
"'Oil,' I said, 'never explodes. It's the gas it burns that explodes.' Still, I shook his hand."
"'My name is Bill Bassett,' he said to me, 'if you call this professional pride and not inferiority, I'll tell you that you've got the luck to have the best burglar in the Mississippi valley. .'"
"In this way, as artists in different industries do, Bill Bassett and I sat on the railway sleepers and exchanged our respective skills and experiences. It seems that Bill Bassett is also penniless. We talked more and more speculatively. He explained to me why a skilled thief sometimes had to travel in a van. This time, he was betrayed by a girl who worked as a nanny, so he had to panic. flee."
"'I've got to court women if I want to get it,' said Bill Bassett. Stuff and beautiful maids, I promise to sell all the silver in this house for money. I eat and drink spicy food in restaurants, and the police say it's an insider job Yes, because the old lady's nephew came here to teach lessons on the Bible. I first impressed on the maid's mind, and after she let me in, I locked the lock in the house This time, though, the maid in Little Rock cheated on me,' he said, 'and she got mad when she saw me on the trolley with another girl. The door that was promised to me was shut. I had the key for the upstairs door, but she locked it from the inside. She betrayed me,' said Bill Bassett."
"The key wouldn't open, so Bill used his steel rod to pry it. But at this moment the girl started yelling, and Bill ran to the station. Since he didn't have any luggage, they wouldn't let him When he got in the car, he climbed into a train that had just left the station."
"'Hey, I'm hungry,' said Bill, after we'd finished our respective narrow-necked adventures, 'and this town doesn't look like it's latched. Let's do some stealing and get a few Pocket money to spend. I suppose you don't have hair tonic, gilt fob chains, or any other fakes of the sort that you can sell in the square to the cheapskates of town, do you?'"
"'No,' said I, 'and I had some fine Patagonian diamond earrings and a diamond-encrusted brooch in my suitcase, but they're all locked up in Biwen, waiting for those black leather The oaks grow yellow peaches and Japanese plums to give back to me. I don't think there's any hope of getting them back unless we get Luther Burbank to help.'”
"'Okay,' said Bassett, 'let's try. Maybe after dark I can borrow a card from some lady and use it to open the Farm and Fish Bank.'"
"While we were talking, a passenger train came into the station. A passenger in a top hat got out of the car. Instead of going over the platform, he went down the track side and walked along the track towards the two of us. Come here. This man is a dumpy man with a big nose and mouse-like eyes, richly attired, and carries a bag as carefully as if it contained eggs and railroad bonds. He walks past us In the past, walking on along the railroad tracks, as if he hadn't noticed the town at all."
"'Come with me,' said Bill Bassett, and went after the man."
"'Where to?' I asked."
"'My God!' said Bill. 'Didn't you forget that we both have nothing now? Don't you see that God of Fortune just walked by you? You're so stupid I'm amazed!'"
"We overtook him at the edge of a wood. No one saw us stop him, as it was late afternoon and in a secluded place. Bill took the silk hat off the man's head, and Wipe it off with your sleeve and put it back on the man's head."
"'What do you mean, sir?' asked the man."
"'When I wear a hat like that and am embarrassed,' said Bill, 'I do it all the time. I don't have a hat on my head now, so I have to borrow yours. Sir, I hardly Knows how to explain what we're going to do to you, but I think we'll start with your pockets first.'"
"Bill went through all his pockets with a disdainful, disappointed look on his face."
"'Not even a watch,' said Bill, 'and don't you feel ashamed of yourself, you hollow plaster figure? Dressed like a foreman and mannered like an earl! But you don't even have the money for a train ticket None. How did you get on and off the train?'”
"The man replied that he had no possessions. However, Bassett took his handbag and opened it. From it came out some replacement collars, socks, and half a clipped newspaper. Bill carefully read the half-sheet and held out his hand to the victim."
"'Dude,' said Bill, 'how do you do! Please accept our apologies. This is Bill Bassett the Thieves. Mr. Peters, you must meet this Mr. Alfred E. Ricks. You Come and shake hands. Mr. Peters, Mr. Peters is between me and Mr. Ricks when it comes to creating chaos and getting money. When it comes to taking other people's money, Peters always gives people something in kind. I Nice to meet you, Mr. Ricks, and Mr. Peters. This is the first time in my life that I have had the pleasure of attending a gathering of the masters of con in the United States - burglary, swindling, opportunism, it all comes together. Please take a look Mr. Ricks' papers, Mr. Peters.'"
"There's a big picture of this Mr. Ricks on this paper that Bill Bassett handed me. It's a Chicago paper, and it's full of stories about Mr. Ricks. After reading the newspaper, I have some understanding of this Mr. Ricks, sitting in his luxuriously furnished office in Chicago, dividing up the submerged land in Florida and selling it to Unsuspecting investors made a profit of nearly 100,000 yuan. But there are always some good-natured people who love to make trouble and make a big fuss (I have also encountered this kind of thing. Someone bought my gold watch and put it in hydrochloric acid to test it. fineness). One of his clients took a trip to Florida for a little money to see the land he had bought and see if the fence around it was in good condition and if it needed some more stakes for reinforcement. Bought some lemons by the way, to sell at Christmas. He hired a prospector to help him find the land. After much trouble, they found that the Paradise Valley as advertised was not a prosperous town at all, but It's in the Lake District, 40 rods and 16 rods south of the center of Lake Okeechobee, and 27 degrees east. The land he bought is under thirty-six feet of water, and it has long been populated by alligators and gar territory, which makes his tenure almost ridiculous."
"When this man returned to Chicago, of course he brought this matter up, causing a furor and a storm all over the city. Ricks refused to admit it, but he couldn't deny the existence of alligators. One morning, the newspaper published a full page As the story reveals, Ricks was cornered and escaped from the fire escape. Authorities seem to have found and sealed the safe in which he kept his money, so he stuffed a few pairs of socks and a dozen fifteen-inch sticks in his suitcase. half collar and fled west. He happened to have some money in his wallet, just enough for a ride to this remote town where he met me and Bill Bassett as a third partner. We All three of them have nothing on them."
"Then this Alfred E. Ricks also yelled that he was hungry, and declared that he couldn't get any money, not even money for a meal. So the three of us—if If you are interested in doing some deductive reasoning or diagrams—they represent labor, trade, and capital respectively. Right now, trade cannot be sold without capital, and capital cannot be turned into liquid money, which will cause unsalable onions and steaks. Now I can only rely on this labor with steel rods."
"'Two good men,' said Bill Bassett, 'and I have never deserted a friend when he was in trouble. In the woods not far over there, I seem to see some rough houses where we Go there first and wait till it gets dark.'”
"Sure enough, there was an unoccupied cabin in the woods. All three of us went in. After dark, Bill told us to wait, and he went out by himself for half an hour. When he came back, he brought a large Stacks of bread and chops and pies."
"'From a farm on Vasita Road,' he said, 'Come and eat.'"
"A full moon rose from the sky, and we sat on the floor in the wooden house under the bright moonlight, eating with relish. At this time, Bill Bassett began to brag about himself again."
"'Sometimes,' he said, with his mouth full of food from the farm, 'I hate those of you who think of yourself professionally as superior to me. Now, which of you two can come up with How about getting us out of this mess and starting over? Can you do it, Ricks?'”
"'I must admit, Mr. Bassett,' Ricks said, almost inaudibly, with a piece of pie in his mouth, 'and at this critical juncture, there may really be nothing I can do about it. crisis. All I do are big deals, big transactions, so of course careful preparations are required in advance. I—'"
"'I know, Ricks,' interrupted Bill Bassett, 'you don't have to finish. First you need five hundred bucks, hire a blonde to be your typist, and order four decent sets of Oak furniture. You need another five hundred dollars to advertise. You still need two weeks to wait for the fish to bite. A patient who's been tainted by cheap gas is asking for the gas industry to be nationalized. Peters, there's no way you're doing that,' said Bassett at last."
"'Oh,' said I, 'Mr. Bassett, I have never seen you turn a stone into gold with your steel rod. Almost anyone can do it with a little scrap.'"
"'It's just a small try to get something to eat,' Bassett boasted triumphantly, 'and the six-horse cart will be at your door before you know it, our Miss Cinderella Miracles happen). Maybe you have something up your sleeve right now that will bring us back together.'”
"'Boy,' said I, 'I'm fifteen years older than you, but not old enough to draw a pension. I used to be penniless, and we could see the lights of this town flickering half a mile away. Besides. My master was Montague Silver, the greatest street salesman of his time. There are hundreds of people in these streets at this moment, and many of them are covered with grease. Give me a kerosene lamp, and a wood box, and two bucks for white castile soap, and cut it up--'"
"'Where's your two dollars?' interrupted Bill Bassett with a sneer. You've got nothing to reason with the thief."
"'Hey,' Bill went on, 'you two can't help it. Finance and trading are closed. You two are waiting for my labor to start. Well, you should throw in the towel. Tonight , I'll show you what I, Bill Bassett, do.'"
"Bassett told Ricks and me to wait for him to come back in this hut. Even if he doesn't come back by tomorrow morning, we don't want to come out. Then, he whistled excitedly and set off."
"This Alfred E. Ricks took off his shoes and coat, put a silk handkerchief on his hat for a pillow, and lay down on the floor."
"'I want to sleep,' he squealed. 'Today is very tired. Good night, Mr. Peters.'"
"'Say hello to sleep for me,' I said, 'and I think I'll sit a little longer.'"
"At about two o'clock in the morning (I guess from the watch I left in Biwen), our hard-working man returned. He kicked Ricks up, and called us to the door of the cabin. A moonlit place. Then he put five thousand-dollar bags on the ground and started clucking like a hen just laying eggs."
"'Let me tell you about this town,' said Bill Bassett. 'It's a town called Stone Springs, and they're building a Masonic church. It looks like the Democratic nominee for mayor is going to be The party is broken, and Judge Tucker's wife had pleurisy at first, and has recently been on the mend. Before I got the information I needed, I inquired about such nonsense. There's a bank in the town called Foresters and Farmers Savings. When it closed yesterday, it had 23,000 yuan in deposits. When it opened this morning, there were only 18,000 yuan left—all silver coins, which is why I didn’t take any more. Now , you two—trade and capital—what more can you say?'"
"'Oh, my young friend,' said Alfred E. Ricks, throwing up his hands, 'you robbed this bank? Lord, Lord!'"
"'Why do you say that,' said Bassett. ''Robbery', how ugly that sounds. All I had to do was find out which street the bank was on. The town was so quiet that I stood in the neighboring In one corner, the number dial on the safe could be heard turning: "Turn right to forty-five, two turns to the left to eighty, one turn to the right to sixty, then right to fifteen —” The voice was as clear as a Yale football captain giving orders in dialect. Now, brothers, people in this town are up early. I heard they are up and moving before dawn. I asked Why do they get up so early, they say, because breakfast is ready at this hour. What shall we merry Robin Hoods do? Just fly away with clanking purses. I'll bet you two, you How much for two? You say, capital.'
"'My little brother,' Ricks babbled, looking like a squirrel on its hind legs and fiddling with a nut in its front paw, 'I have some friends in Denver who can help me. If For a hundred bucks, I—'"
"Bassett opened a bag of bills, pulled out five twenty-dollar bills, and tossed them to Ricks."
"'And you, trade, how much do you want?' Bassett said to me."
"'Put your money away, labor,' said I, 'and I never earn the hard work of honest workers. All I earn is money that fools and fools can't keep in their pockets. When I stand I made two dollars and sixty cents on the street selling a gold ring with diamonds for three dollars to a heartless wretch. I knew he was going to give it to a girl, and what he got The return in value would be the equivalent of a $125 ring, so he would have made $122. Which of the two of us is the greater liar?'”
"'When you sell a handful of sand to a poor woman for fifty cents, saying that it can prevent the oil lamp from exploding,' Bassett said, 'you do a rough calculation, how much money does this woman earn, we know Forty cents for a ton of sand?'”
"'Listen,' I said, 'and I told her how to keep the lamp clean and how to add kerosene. If she did as I told her, the lamp would not explode. Sand was put in it, and she knew the lamp would It won't explode, so she won't have this worry anymore. This can be said to be the Christian Industrial Science school's method. She paid fifty cents, and she enjoyed the services of Rockefeller and Mrs. Eddy. Not every Anyone can afford the gold of this rich couple.'”
"Alfred E. Ricks was so grateful to Bassett that he wanted to lick the dust off Bill Bassett's shoes."
"'Little brother,' said Ricks, 'I will never forget your kindness. Heaven bless you. However, I beg you to stay away from violence and criminal practices.'"
"'You'd better go down the rat-hole in the wainscoting, coward. Your teachings and creeds mean nothing to me. Your sanctimonious and clever way of robbing brings you What's up? Isn't it poverty and poverty? Take brother Peters, who stubbornly insists on sullying the art of stealing with the theory of trade and commerce, isn't he also trapped now? Both of you Live by a set of gilded rules. Dude Peters,' said Bill, 'you'd better get some of this stolen money, you don't mind.'"
"Once again I told Bill Bassett to keep his money in his pocket. I don't have the respect some people have for thieves. For the money I've got, I'm going to give them some kind of Returns, even some small souvenirs to remind people to beware of being fooled again."
"Alfred E. Ricks bade us good-bye after another compliment to Bassett. He said he was going to the farmhouse to hire a buggy and take him to the station and take the train back to Denver. The The air in the house was a lot cleaner now that the wretched wretch was gone. He was a disgrace to all the unearned trades in the country. Notwithstanding all his grand schemes and A luxurious office, and he had to rely on a stranger, a reckless thief, for his full meal. I was glad to see him go, though I felt a little sorry for him and thought he was gone again. There is no time to turn around. What can a person like this do without the capital to operate in large quantities? Well, when Alfred E. Ricks parted with us, he became What else can he do with an upturned tortoise? He can't even think of a way to steal a slate pencil from a little girl."
"When it was just me and Bill Bassett, I used my brains again, thinking of tricks, and finally came up with a clever plan that included commercial secrets. I thought, I should ask this gangster to take a look, a trader What is the difference between a man and a man who sells his labour. He hurt my professional pride by making commerce and trade worthless."
"'I will not accept the money you send me, Mr. Bassett,' I said to him, 'but if, as a traveling companion, you would pay for my travel expenses, I would also be very grateful. .You know, you've brought this town into the red by immoral means tonight, and we've got to get out of this place right now, so we don't get hurt.'"
"Bill Bassett agreed with my judgement, and we proceeded west at once to catch the train and reach a place of safety as quickly as possible."
"When we arrived in a town called Los Perros, Arizona, I suggested that the two of us get off at this little place and try our luck. This is the old home of my retired master, Montagu Silver. .I know that if I show my master the flies buzzing around nearby, he can teach me how to make money with them. Bill Bassett said, because he mainly works at night, so which town It all looked pretty much the same to him. So we got off the train at the pretty town of Los Perros."
"I have a clever, safe plan to hit Bassett in the back with a hidden business weapon. I'm not going to take his money while he sleeps, but I want to leave him with money." The next lottery ticket represented, in Bassett's own opinion, $4,755—the amount I thought he had left after we got off the train. When he mentioned such an investment method insincerely, he said the following and rejected me."
"'Brother Peters,' he said, 'it's not a bad idea to put money into a business like you say. I think I'd do it too. People like Robert E. Peary and Charlie Fairbanks are directors.'”
"'I thought you were trying to do business with the money,' I said."
"'Yeah,' he said, 'that's what I used to think, too. I can't sleep with money all the time. I'll tell you, man Peters,' he said, 'I'm going to open a casino. I don't like Do those silly scams like selling egg beaters or bad breakfast food at Barnum and Bailey's Circus. But it's not the same with the casinos, which range between stealing in terms of profits. It’s a good middle ground between silverware and selling wipes at the Waldorf Astoria Bazaar.’”
"'Then,' said I, 'Mr. Bassett, you don't want to consider my business plan.'"
"'Well, you see,' he said, 'you're not going to have a Bassett Institute or anything like that within fifty miles of me. I'm not going to take the bait.'"
"So Bassett took a room on the second floor of a hotel and bought some furniture and polychrome prints. That evening I went to the house of my master, Montagu Silver, who lent me two hundred dollars. money, give me capital. Then I went to the only store in town that sold cards and bought all the cards there. When the store opened again the next morning, I took the cards I bought here yesterday. Played cards. I said the partner of mine I was going to do with had changed his mind and I wanted to return the cards I bought. The shopkeeper took them back at half price."
"Yes, at that time, I lost seventy-five dollars. But, on the night I bought the cards, I marked each card. This is also my labor. Then, trade and The commerce kicked in. The bread I threw in the water for bait started coming back double."
"Of course, I was one of the first people to buy Bill Bassett's casino chips. Bill Bassett bought the cards from the only card shop in town. I know exactly what's behind every card , like a barber looking in two mirrors so I can see the back of my head clearly."
"By the end of the game, I had won more than five thousand dollars, and Bill Bassett was left with his wanderlust and a black cat he bought as a mascot. As I left, Bill held my hand said."
"'Peters, I really don't seem to have the talent for business. I'm doomed to sell my labors in this life. When a first-class thief wants to change his steel crowbar for a spring balance, he will would be a big mistake. You've played your cards very well,' he said, 'and I wish you the best of luck.' I haven't seen Bill Bassett since."
"Oh, Jeff," I said, when the Autoryxian adventurer seemed to be finishing his story, "I wish you would Keep this money well. Someday, if you want to do some serious business, it will be a considerable amount of capital."
"Are you talking about me?" Jeff said sincerely. "Don't worry, I'll keep the five thousand dollars safe."
He patted the chest of his shirt with his hands excitedly.
"I bought all my money in Gold Mines," he explained, "without a penny left. A dollar a share, fivefold in a year, tax-free. Blue Gopher Gold Stocks. The mine was just discovered a month ago. If you have spare cash, you'd better buy some yourself."
"Sometimes," I said, "these gold mines aren't—"
"Oh, it's an infallible mine," said Jeff. "It's found $50,000 worth of ore, and it's guaranteed a ten percent monthly profit."
Jeff pulled a long envelope from his pocket and dropped it on the table.
"I always carry it with me," he said, "so that thieves can't steal it and capitalists can't adulterate it."
I looked at the beautifully printed stock.
"It was in Colorado," I said. "Hey, Jeff, what's the name of the little guy who went to Denver?"
"Alfred E. Ricks," Jeff said.
"Oh, I see," I said, "that the gold mine owner is signed by Alfred E. Ricks. I was a little suspicious--"
"Let me see that stock." Jeff said quickly, snatching the stock from my hand.
To ease the embarrassment at this point, I called the waiter and ordered another bottle of Bella.I think there's only so much I can do.
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