Chapter 5 part two

food! I count on you, food! My hunger will not stop, Not satisfied, it screams; Great principles cannot subdue it, Dieting can only nourish my soul. Satisfied!I look for you, You are as beautiful as a summer dawn. Sweet springs at noon and light evenings; icy streams at dawn; sea breeze brought by waves; bays lined with masts; warmth on the shore with the sound of waves... what!If there were still roads to the plains, and the sweltering heat of noon, and the drink in the field, and the night's nest in the haystack; If there were a road to the East, the beloved sea tracks, the gardens of Mosul, the dances of Thugurt, the idylls of Helvetia;

If there were a road to the north, and Nijni's bazaars, and dusty sleighs, and frozen lakes; surely, Nathanael, our desires would not be lonely. Cargo ships come into our ports, bringing in ripe fruit from unknown shores.Unload it quickly so we can finally taste it. food!I look forward to you, food!Satisfaction, I seek you, you are as beautiful as summer laughter.I know that each of my desires has an answer ready.Every hunger in me awaits compensation.food!I look forward to you, food!I'm going to travel all over the world to find the satisfaction of my desires.O Nathanael, the most beautiful thing on earth I know!It's my hunger.My hunger is always faithful to what is always waiting for it.Is it the wine that makes the nightingale intoxicated?Is it the milk that makes the eagle intoxicated?Is it the juniper wine that intoxicates the thrush?

The eagle revels in soaring.The nightingale revels in the summer night.And the field shivered with heat.May every passion intoxicate you, Nathaniel.If you don't get drunk after eating, it means you're not very hungry. Every perfect act is accompanied by pleasure.From this you know that you should do it.I don't like people who take credit for their hard work.Since I felt bitter, why didn't I do other things in the first place.To enjoy it is to show that it is right; Nathanael, sincere pleasure is the most important guide to my actions. I know the pleasures my body can expect every day, the pleasures my mind can take.Then I fell asleep, and once I fell asleep, I didn't care about the sky or the earth anymore.

There are some strange diseases in the world, Prefer what you don't have. "So are we," they said, "so are we, and our souls must go through great troubles!" David, you in the cave of Adullam, longing to drink the water of the city, sighed: "Oh! Who can bring me the cool water that springs from the base of the walls of Bethlehem? When I was a child I drank from there when I was thirsty, but now, with a fever and a dry mouth, that water falls into the hands of the enemy." Nathanael, don't try again to taste the old water. Nathanael, don't look for the past in the future.To seize the novelty of every moment, don't prepare your happiness in advance, but know that another kind of happiness will suddenly appear where you are prepared.

Don't you understand that any happiness can be met but not sought, just like a beggar, you may encounter it anytime you walk on the road.If you say that you do not dream of such happiness, and therefore insist that your happiness is ruined, and you accept only that which is in accordance with your moral principles and desires, you will be unhappy everywhere. Dreaming about tomorrow is one kind of happiness, but tomorrow's happiness is another. Fortunately, the reality is different from people's dreams; only because of the difference, things have their own value. I don't want to hear you say: Come on, I have prepared this and that for you.I love only the joy that comes upon me by accident, the joy that bursts from my voice against the rocks, the joy that flows for us, fresh and strong, like new wine bubbling from a press.

I don't want my joy to be embellished, nor a Shunam beauty to enter the house; when I kiss her, I don't have to wipe off the grapes left on my mouth, and when I'm done, I don't wait for my lips to cool. Sweet wine, honey, and even beeswax. Nathanael, do not prepare yourself any joy beforehand. As long as you can't say: "That's great!" You can say: "That's right!" There is great hope for happiness. Some people regard moments of happiness as a gift from God.So what about others, who do you think gave it? Nathanael, do not separate your happiness from God.

"I'm grateful to 'God' for creating me, and if I didn't exist, I'd blame him for not existing. However, I can't be more grateful than I resent." Nathanael, it must be natural to talk about God. I would have thought that, once the existence of God had been established, the existence of the earth, of man, and of me, was natural; yet, to my bewilderment, I was astonished at the realization. Rondo for the Confirmation of God's Existence Yes, I also sang hymns, and I wrote this rondo that affirms the existence of God. Nathanael, I want to teach you that the most beautiful poems are the ones that demonstrate the existence of God.Presumably you also understand that the evidence is not repeated here, especially not simply copied.Moreover, some only prove the existence of God, and the evidence we need can also prove that God is eternal.

I know perfectly well!Yes, St. Anselm's arguments, and the wonderful Isle of Fortune's fables, but alas!Unfortunately, Nathanael, not everyone can live there. I know most people agree, And you, believe in a minority of God's chosen people. The evidence is overwhelming, like two plus two equals four, But, Nathaniel, not everyone can count. Since the existence of God has been proved, But before God there was another master. It's a pity we weren't there, Nathaniel, Otherwise see how man and woman were created. They must be surprised that they are not born as babies,

But like the cedars on Mount Elbrus, Born hundreds of years old, Already weary of the world standing on the top of the mountain rushing out of the ravine. Nathaniel!How nice it would be to welcome the dawn there!But why are we so lazy and haven't gotten up yet?Didn't you ask to be born then? what!I would have asked for it...but the Spirit of God had just woken up after sleeping on the flood for ages.Nathanael, if I had been there, I would have asked God to make things bigger, but don't contradict me by saying that the difference would not have been perceptible then. It can also be proved by purpose reason,

But not everyone thinks that purpose disproves cause. Some people use love for God to prove the existence of God.That is why, Nathaniel, I am willing to love everything and call everything I love God.Don't be afraid that I will use you as an example, and I will not start with you.I love things more than people. In the world, my favorite will definitely not be human beings.Don't misunderstand me, Nathanael, but kindness is certainly not the strongest feeling in me; nor do I think kindness is the best quality in me, much less the quality I most admire in human beings.Nathanael, love your God better than them.I, too, know how to extol God and have sung hymns to God—I even think I overdo it sometimes.

"You find it so interesting to build systems like this?" he asked me. "There is nothing more interesting to me than a kind of ethics," I replied, "my spirit can be satisfied in ethics, and the pleasure I taste is always closely related to it." "Can ethics increase your enjoyment?" "No," I said, "it would only justify my fun." Needless to say, I have often wished to see a theory, or even a well-ordered system of thought, to explain my actions; but sometimes I can only regard this as a refuge for my own indulgence. Nathanael, everything comes into being, comes into being, is externalized, so to speak, only out of necessity. The tree told me: "I need a lung, so my sap turned into a leaf and I used it for breathing. After breathing, my leaf withered, but I did not die. My fruit contained my love for life." All thoughts." Don't worry, Nathanael, I don't appreciate fables very much, and I don't abuse the form.I don't want to teach you any kind of wisdom other than life.Thinking, you know, is a pain in the ass; when I was young, I was so exhausted thinking about the consequences of my actions that I was finally convinced that I couldn't commit a crime if I didn't move. So I wrote: "My body can only be saved by the troubles that my soul can't get rid of." When I wrote this sentence, I didn't even understand what I meant. Nathaniel, I no longer believe in sin. But you see, it takes a lot of joy to buy the right to think about it.Those who claim to be happy and think, are truly strong. Everyone's misfortune, Nathaniel, is that everyone is always looking and making what he sees his own.In fact, whether everything is important or not depends on itself, not on us.Let your eyes be what you see. From now on, Nathanael, I cannot write a line of poetry without including your wonderful name. Nathaniel, I want you to be born into life. Nathanael, do you fully understand the depth of my words?I wish to be closer to you. Like that Elisha who, in order to raise the son of the beautiful Shunamite, "laid face down on the child, mouth to mouth, eye to eye, and hand to hand." —my whole body upon you, my great radiant heart pressed close to your still shadowy soul, mouth to mouth, forehead to your brow , the hot hand holds your cold hand, and my pounding heart... ("Then the child's body temperature slowed down again..." the Bible says.) So that you can wake up in pleasure , and leave me for a life of passionate debauchery. Nathanael, this is all the passion of my heart—take it with you. Nathanael, I want to teach you to be passionate. Nathanael, don't linger beside what is like you, don't linger, Nathanael.Once the environment becomes like you, or you become like the environment, then the environment is against you.You must leave.Nothing is more dangerous to you than your family, your home, and your past.You only take in what each thing brings to you, and you take in only the comfort that that thing bleeds out until it dries up. Nathanael, I want to tell you about moments.Do you understand the power of the momentary being?You cannot fully appreciate the briefest moments of your life without obsessing about death.Don't you see that without the bleak background of death, every moment looms large, not even an admirable flash? I would never do anything else unless I considered and felt sure that I had plenty of time to do it.Before I want to do something, I have to rest first. Anyway, I have plenty of time and can do other things.If I don't know this life form has an end, if I don't know this life is over, I'm going to rest in a sleep deeper than the one I wait for every night, and get carried away... then it doesn't matter what I do. I have thus acquired the habit of detaching each moment from my life in order to obtain a separate and complete joy, and to concentrate in this moment a happiness so peculiar that I have not seen it again until after the event. Looking back, I hardly recognize myself. Nathanael, it is a great pleasure to affirm directly, for example: The fruit of the palm is called the date palm, which is a delicacy. Palm wine is called lagam, and it is brewed from the sap of the palm tree; Arabs would die for it, but I don't like it very much.In Varda's beautiful garden, the Kabylian shepherd offered me a glass of lagomi. This morning, I was walking on the trails in Water Spring Park and found a strange mushroom. The mushroom is covered with a white shell, like an orange-red magnolia fruit, with regular gray patterns on it, which are obviously formed by the sporopollen secreted from the inside.I opened it and saw that it was filled with a mud-like substance, and a transparent colloid was condensed in the center, exuding a disgusting smell. Around the mushroom, there are some mushrooms that grow, resembling the fungal growths that are common on old tree trunks. (I wrote this before I left for Tunisia, and I'm transcribing it for you, to show you how important it is to me just by looking at it.) Honfleur> Sometimes I feel that the people around me are running around just to give me a sense of my own vitality. I was here yesterday, I was there today; God!What have those people to do with me, They talk, talk, chatter: I was here yesterday, I was there today... I also know that there are days when I feel a certain bliss in me just by saying "two plus two is four" - just to see my fists on the table... But other days, I feel like it doesn't matter at all.