Chapter 11 chapter Ten

It was about half past ten when I woke up, and I couldn't believe my eyes for a long time: on the couch where I once fell asleep yesterday, my mother was sitting, and next to her was the unfortunate female neighbor. , the mother of the suicide victim.They were holding each other's hands, talking in whispers, probably not to wake me up, and both were crying.I jumped up from the bed and rushed to kiss my mother.She beamed with joy, kissed me, and crossed me three times with her right hand.Before we could speak, the door was thrown open, and Versilov and Vasin entered.Mom immediately stood up and took away the female neighbor.Vasin held out his hand to me, and Versilov sank down on the armchair without saying a word to me.He and his mother seem to have been here for a while.He frowned, looking preoccupied.

"What I regret most," he said to Vassin, apparently continuing the conversation he had begun, "is that I didn't have time to arrange all this properly last night. If it were done—probably Nothing so terrible will happen! Besides, there is still time: it was not until eight o'clock. She left our house yesterday, and as soon as she ran out, I immediately decided in my heart to follow her here, to persuade her, to persuade her to change her mind. , but this unforeseen event, which cannot be delayed, I could well have put off until today ... even a week's delay--this regrettable event hinders and ruins everything You know, it's just a coincidence!"

"Perhaps, you can't convince her; even if you didn't intervene in this matter, it seems that the time has come to blow the candle." Vassin said bluntly. "No, I can, I'm sure I can persuade her. You know, I had originally thought of Sophia Andreevna coming here in my stead. The idea was fleeting, but only fleeting." That's all. Sophia Andreyevna alone can convince her, and the unfortunate girl will live on. No, I won't meddle in my own business anymore... I won't do anything more 'Good thing'...for once in my life I meddled a bit! I thought I wasn't behind the times and could understand contemporary youth. Yes, our generation of old people is old almost before they mature. By the way Tell me, you know, there are a lot of contemporary people who, according to the old habits, still think they are the younger generation, because they were the same generation yesterday, but they don't realize that they have fallen behind."

"There's a misunderstanding here, and it's all too obvious," Vassin sensibly points out. "Her mother said that she seemed to have lost her mind since she was brutally insulted in the brothel. Coupled with the specific circumstances at the time, she was insulted by the businessman first... It is entirely possible that all of this happened in the past, according to In my humble opinion, this does not characterize contemporary youth in the slightest." "Contemporary youth is a bit impetuous. Needless to say, they still lack a basic understanding of reality. Although all youths of all ages have this characteristic, contemporary youth seem to be more... Excuse me, on this matter, Sijie What the hell has Mr. Berkov done?"

"Mr. Steberkov," I interrupted abruptly, "is the real culprit. Without him nothing would have happened. He added fuel to the fire." Versilov listened to me, but did not look up at me.Vasin frowned. "There is one more absurdity and absurdity for which I reproach myself," continued Versilov, calmly and in the same drawn voice as before, "it seems, according to my odious habit, that at that time I'm a bit presumptuous, and she has a bit of a hippie smile, and a frivolous smile—in short, I'm not blunt, boring, and eccentric. Think of me as a wandering Celadon."

"On the contrary," I interrupted again abruptly, "her mother said with great certainty that you made an excellent impression on them by being serious, even stern, and sincere—that's her exact words. You As soon as you leave, the deceased will praise you like this." "Yes—is it?" Versilov murmured indistinctly, and finally cast a hasty glance at me. "You take this note, you know, it is necessary to close the case," he handed Vassin a small piece of paper.Vassin took it, but seeing that I was looking at the paper curiously, he handed it to me to see for myself.It was a note, two crooked lines, probably written with a pencil in the dark:

Mom, dear, please forgive me for suspending my debut on the road of life! Olya who makes you sad. "It was only found this morning," Vassin explained. "How strange this article is written!" I exclaimed. "What's wrong?" Vassin asked. "Is it possible to write such humor at such a moment?" Vasin looked suspiciously. "And the humor is weird," I went on. "It's the jargon of high school classmates . own mother,--writing: 'Stopped my debut on the road of life'!" "Why can't I write?" "There's no humor here," Versilov finally pointed out. "Of course it's not well written, the tone is completely wrong, and it probably came out of high school or other school jargon, as you just said, or quoted From a small essay. But the dead man is very simple and serious in this terrible note, using such language."

"That's impossible. She graduated from high school and won a silver medal." "Silver medals don't mean anything. Many people graduate with silver medals these days." "Attacking young people again." Vassin smiled slightly. "Not at all," replied Versilov, rising from his seat and taking up his top hat, "even if today's younger generation lacks literary training, there is no doubt that they have... Other merits," he added very seriously, "and besides, 'many people'—not 'all people', for example, you, I don't blame you for your poor literature skills, and you are also young people." .”

"Besides, Vassin didn't think there was anything wrong with 'First Appearance'!" I couldn't help but say. Versilov held out his hand silently to Vasin, and Vasin also took up his hat and wanted to go out with him, and said loudly to me: "Good-bye." Versilov went out without a word. Put me in the eye.I, too, felt that there was no time to waste: I had to run out and rent the house anyway—now more than ever!Mama was no longer in the landlady's house; she had gone, taking Vassin's neighbor with her.I walked out into the street, and I seemed to be very refreshed... A big, new feeling suddenly came to me.Besides, everything went well, as if by design: I soon found an opportunity, and found a very suitable house; I will talk about the house later, and now I will finish the main things.

It was just after one o'clock when I went back to Vassing's to get my suitcase and he happened to be home again.When he saw me, he cried out to me very cheerfully and sincerely: "I'm so glad you ran into me. I was just going out. I can tell you something that will interest you." "I'm sure I'm interested," I exclaimed. "Ah! You are so energetic. Do you know, please, that there is a letter which has been kept in Kraft's possession, and which was received by Versilov yesterday, and this letter deals with the About that inheritance won? In this letter, the testator stated his wishes, meaning exactly the opposite of yesterday's court decision. This letter was written a long time ago. Anyway, I don't know if it is accurate Specific content, but, do you know something?"

"Why don't you know? That's why Kraft sent me to his house the day before yesterday... To avoid those gentlemen, he gave me this letter, and I gave it to Versilov yesterday." .” "Is that so? I think so too. You think that what Versilov mentioned here just now was what prevented him from coming here last night to persuade the girl—and that's exactly what happened." This letter caused it. Just last night, Versilov ran straight to Prince Sokolsky's lawyer, handed him the letter, and rejected the entire estate he had won in court Now, this refusal of his has taken legal form, and Versilov is not giving in, but is acknowledging the full succession of the ducal family in this document." I was dumbfounded, but I am very happy.To be honest, I was already convinced that Versilov would destroy the letter, and even though I told Kraft that it was not I kept saying to myself in private, "I'm here to find a pure person, not this person," but what I thought in my heart went deeper, that is to say, in the deepest part of my heart, I also thought that apart from There is no other way but to cancel this document.That said, I think it's the most common thing to do.If I blame Versilov in the future, it will be only on purpose and on display, that is, in order to maintain my lofty position over him.But now, having heard of Versilov's disinterested deed, I was sincerely filled with admiration, regretted and ashamed to condemn my own shamelessness and my own indifference to virtue, and for a moment I took Versilov's hand again. Love is infinitely tall, far higher than myself, and I almost didn't hug Vasin. "What a man! What a man! Who can do this?" I exclaimed ecstatically. "I agree with you that many people would not do this...and at the same time, it is undeniably selfless..." "'But'? . . . Finish, Vassin, don't you have a 'but'?" "Yes, of course, there is a 'but'. I think Versilov's behavior is a bit too hasty, a bit less open-minded." Vassin smiled slightly. "Not frank enough?" "Yes. There seems to be some sort of 'glamour' here. Because, anyway, he could have done the same thing and not put himself at a disadvantage. Even in the most prudent view of the matter, that, if not half Inheritance, no doubt, after all, part of the inheritance should be owned by Versilov now, not to mention that this document has no decisive significance, and he has already won the lawsuit. Even the lawyer of the other party has such a document point of view, I asked him about it just now. Such behavior is still noble behavior, and it is only because of saving face that other practices have appeared. Mainly because Mr. Versilov is hot-headed and has a quick temper; you know, he I just said that it could have been postponed for a whole week..." "You know, Vassin? I can't disagree with you...but I like it better, I think it's better!" "However, everyone has his own aspirations. You asked me to say it yourself, otherwise I won't say it." "Even if there's a taste for fame here, that's fine," I continued, "let him do it if he wants to, but as far as the thing is concerned, it's still valuable for him to do so. You know, this kind of "Grassing for fame" is an "ideal" after all, it's better than some people have no ideals at all; even if it's a little small or even abnormal, then, there is always an ideal! You probably think that's what you think, too. Shin, good Vasin, dear Vasin! In short, of course, I'm talking nonsense, but you know, you know what I mean. You are called Vasin; anyway, I want to hug you, I want to kiss You, Vasin!" "Because you're happy?" "Because I'm so happy! Because this man 'dead and back, lost and found', Vasin, I'm a bad boy, and I'm not good enough for you. I admit it because sometimes I'm not like that at all, to stand up Higher and deeper. I hated you for two whole days just because I praised you to your face the day before yesterday (I only praised you because people belittled me and ran on me)! I swear, I swear I swear that night Never to see you, I went to see you early yesterday morning with resentment, do you understand: with resentment. I sat here alone in my chair, criticizing your house, criticizing you, criticizing every single one of your books, And your landlady, I demeaned you, laughed at you..." "You shouldn't have said that..." "Last night, I came to the conclusion based on your sentence that you don't understand women. I was very happy to catch your shortcoming in this respect. Just now, I caught you again on the 'First Appearance', and I Don't mention how happy I am, all this is because I personally praised you at that time..." "That goes without saying!" Vassin finally exclaimed (he was still smiling and was not at all surprised by what I said), "you know, it's always been like this, almost everyone is like this, and even first of all; but no one Acknowledge it, and there's no need to admit it, because, anyway, it's going to pass and nothing will happen." "Are all people like this? Are all people like this? How can you feel at ease when you say this? You know, people who think like this can't live!" "So, in your opinion: "The lie that ennobles us, "More precious to me than a thousand mean truths?" "But, you know, it's true," I cried, "there's a holy minimum axiom in those two lines!" "I don't know. It is not my intention to adjudicate whether these two lines are correct. Presumably, as is often the case, the truth is neither here nor there, but somewhere in between. That is, in one case The following is divine truth, and in another case it is a lie. I am sure of only one thing: this idea will continue to exist among people for a long time as the main and most controversial issue. Anyway, I found you Now I really want to dance. Well, go ahead and dance: exercise is good for the body, but I have a lot of things to do this morning, and I can't breathe... Besides, I have been delayed with you again. a little while!" "I'm going, I'm going, get out of here now! But there's one more thing," I cried, already picking up my suitcase, "if I'm 'hurling over and putting my arms around your neck' again, the only It's also because you told me about it with such genuine joy when I walked in the door, and was so 'happy' to see that I happened to bump into you at home, and it was a 'debut' not long ago Afterwards; this sincere joy of yours won this 'young heart' of mine at once, and drew it back to you. Well, good-bye, good-bye, I will try not to bother you as long as possible, I I know you'll be very pleased with it, I can see it even by your eyes, and it's good for both of us..." I babbled on and on, and I was breathless with joy from my merry babbling, and I dragged out my suitcase, and carried it to my new abode.Above all, I was very pleased that Versilov was undoubtedly angry with me, and he would not speak to me, would not look at me.As soon as my suitcase was brought there, I flew off to find my old prince.To tell you the truth, I was even a little sad because I hadn't seen the old prince these two days.Besides, he must have heard about Versilov. As I expected, he was delighted to see me, and I can swear I would have gone to see him today if it hadn't been for Versilov.The reason why I was afraid to go to see him yesterday and not long ago was because I thought that I might meet Katerina Nikolaevna, but now I have nothing to fear. He hugged me happily. "About Versilov! Have you heard?" I started straight to the point. "Cher enfant, my dear friend, how noble it is, how honorable it is--in short, it had a shocking effect even on Kilyan (the civil servant who lived downstairs)! For his part, it's not wise, but it's an honorable thing, it's an act of selflessness! This ideal must be cherished!" "Isn't it? Isn't it? You and I will always see the same thing in this." "My dear, we can always talk. Where have you been? I've always wanted to find you myself, but I don't know where to find you... because I can't go to Versilov... even if And now, after all that has happened... you know, my friend: I think that this is what he has won over women, and these are some of these traits, there is no doubt about it..." "By the way, lest I forget it later, I remembered this for you, yesterday a very mean buffoon cursed Versilov in my presence, saying he was a 'bitch's prophet '; What is this saying? Is it plausible to say so? I specially remembered this saying for you..." "'Bitch's Prophet'! Mais...c'est charmant lol! But that's too much for him, that is, not for him at all--bah! But, it hits the nail on the head...that is, It's not straight to the point at all... but..." "It's okay, it's okay, don't be shy, just listen to this as a wisecrack!" "It's a wonderful quip, you know, it has a very deep meaning... It hits the nail on the head! That is, do you believe it... Anyway, I'm going to tell you a little secret. When you pay attention Is there Olympiada? Believe it or not, she is a little lovesick for Andrey Petrovitch, and, to such an extent, she even, it seems, has a little bit of it..." "Interesting! Here, does she want to see this?" I exclaimed, angrily making a mocking and contemptuous gesture. "Mon cher, don't shout, it's all like this, and from your point of view, you are right. By the way, my friend, last time, in the presence of Katerina Nikolaevna Now, what's the matter with you? You're staggering... I thought you were going to fall, and I really wanted to rush over to help you." "Let's not talk about it now. Well, anyway, I'm just ashamed. There's a reason..." "You're blushing now that you mention it." "Well, now you're going to start exaggerating again. You know, she has a grudge against Versilov... That's how it all started, and that's why I feel uneasy: well, let's not talk about it , let’s talk about it later!” "Let's not talk about it, let's not talk about it, and I am happy not to talk about it all... Anyway, I am very sorry for her, and even, do you remember, I complained in front of you... Forget about it, my My friend; she too will change her mind about you, I already had a hunch of that . . . and here comes Prince Seryozha!" In came a young and handsome officer.I looked at him greedily, since I had never seen him before.That said, I say he's handsome because everyone says so, but there's something about that young, handsome face that doesn't quite appeal to others.And it was just this that I noticed, as my first impression, as my first impression of him, and it has remained with me ever since.He was thin and well-built, with dark brown hair, a handsome but slightly sallow complexion, and a firm eye.There was something stern about his beautiful dark eyes, even when he was perfectly calm.But the reason why his steadfast gaze is repulsive is that for some reason, it always seems to make people feel that this kind of steadfast look does not require much effort on his part and comes too easily.But I can't tell... Of course, his face would change suddenly, from seriousness to an expression that was surprisingly amiable, tender, and considerate, and, above all, it was out of an unmistakable simplicity.It is this simplicity that attracts people.I'll point out one more thing about him: though he's amiable and simple-minded at times, his face never grows gay; That real, brilliant, light-hearted joy never seemed to have appeared in his heart... However, it is still very difficult to describe a face in this way.I'm not good at it at all.According to his stupid habit, the old prince hurried over to introduce us to each other. "This is my young friend Arkady Andreevich (Andreevich again!) Dolgoruky." The little prince turned to me at once with a redoubled politeness on his face; but it was evident that he knew nothing of my name. "He is... a relation of Andrei Petrovich," muttered my irritating old prince, (how irritating old people are sometimes, with their old habits!) The little prince immediately Understood. "Ah! I've heard about it..." he said hastily. "Last year in Luga I had the pleasure of meeting Lizaveta Makarovna... She also told me about you..." I even wondered: there was an absolutely genuine joy in his face. "Excuse me, duke," I murmured, drawing back my hands, "to tell you with all my heart.—and I am glad to say it in the presence of our dear old duke, —I even wished to meet you, not so long ago, last night, I wished so, but I had quite another purpose. No matter how surprised you may be, I will tell you directly. In short , I want to fight you, because you insulted Versilov a year and a half ago in Ems. Although you, of course, may not accept my challenge, because I am at best a schoolboy, a Teenager yet, but I'm going to challenge it anyway, regardless of what you think about it, or what you do... I'll tell you, even now, my purpose remains the same." The old prince told me afterward that I said it very well and with dignity. The little prince's face expressed sincere sorrow. "But you didn't let me finish," he replied impressively. "If what I have just said to you has been sincere, it is because I am now interested in Andrei Peter. Lovech's true affection. I regret that I cannot tell you all the circumstances at once; but I can assure you on my honor that I have long been deeply remorseful for my unfortunate conduct at Ames. Before leaving When I was in Petersburg, I made up my mind to comply with any request from Andrei Petrovich, that is, to ask his forgiveness directly and meticulously in the manner prescribed by him. The reason why I changed my views was that Because I am under a noble and powerful influence. The fact that we are in a lawsuit does not affect my decision in the slightest. What he did to me yesterday, it may be said, shocked my soul, and even now At this moment, believe it or not, I do not seem to be able to compose myself. Now I must inform you that I have come here to the old prince to inform him of an extraordinary circumstance: three hours ago, he and While the lawyer was drawing up this refusal of the estate, the plenipotentiary of Andrei Petrovich came to me and conveyed his challenge to me . "He challenged you?" I yelled as I felt my eyes light up and blood rush to my face. "Yes, challenged; and I accepted the challenge at once, but I decided, before we met, to write him a letter, in which I would tell him what I thought of my conduct, and what I felt about it. all the regret of a terrible mistake...for it could only be a mistake--an unfortunate, fatal mistake! I will tell you that my situation in the regiment compelled me to take this risk: because before meeting By sending such a letter, I shall expose myself to the condemnation of public opinion... Do you understand what I mean? But, nevertheless, I am determined, only I did not have time to send the letter, because after the challenge An hour later, I got another text from him, in which he begged me to forgive him, said he bothered me, asked me to forget about asking for a duel, and added that he was sorry for the 'due to will Weakness and self-absorbed whim' (these are his words). He has thus completely relieved me of my desire to write to him now. I haven't sent the letter yet, but I'm here Because I still have something to say to the old prince about this matter... Believe me, I have been condemned by my conscience, and I have suffered, perhaps more than anyone else, much more... For this Explain, do you think it is enough, Arkady Makarovitch, at least for now, for the moment, will you not have the honor to trust my sincerity completely?" I was completely overwhelmed; I saw unmistakable, noble confessions that I hadn't expected.Besides, this was far beyond my expectations.I muttered something, and in answer I stretched out my hand to him; he happily took mine and shook it vigorously.Then he took the old prince out, and talked to him for about five minutes in his bedroom. "If you would like to give me a special pleasure," he said loudly and openly to me, as he emerged from the old prince's bedroom, "please come with me, and I will show you what I have done right away. I am going to send a letter to Andrei Petrovich, and at the same time I will show you his letter to me." I readily agreed.My old prince was busy with his affairs again while he was seeing me out, and he also invited me to his bedroom, because he had something to say to me. "Mon ami, how happy I am, how happy I am... We will talk about all this later. By the way, here are two letters in my purse: one must be delivered by car and explained in person, the other One to be kept in the bank—there too..." At this time, he assigned me to do two important tasks which seemed to be urgent, and which seemed to require great effort and care to carry out.You have to make a trip in person, submit it in person, sign it, and so on. "Oh, you're crafty!" I exclaimed, receiving the letter. "I swear, you know, all this—it's all nonsense, it's nothing at all, and both of those things are your intentions." The purpose of coming out is to make me believe that I am doing something, and I am not taking money for nothing!" "Mon enfant, I swear to you, this, you are mistaken: these are the two most urgent things... Cher enfant!" hand, on my head). I wish you and your good luck... may we always be pure in heart, always be as we are today... kind and beautiful, and may we love as much as possible... all that is good whatever it may be, whatever form it takes...well, enfin...entin rendons grace...et je te benis!" Before he had finished speaking, he bent over my head, and began to sob, and, I will tell you all, I almost cried, too; at least I embraced my strange old man with sincerity and joy.We kiss passionately. Prince Serozha (Prince Sergei Petrovich, as I will call him from now on) put me in a very elegant chaise and took me to his residence, where I first admired the luxury of his residence .That is to say, not to admire its grandeur, but the mansion is like any mansion owned by the most "respectable" people: the rooms are tall, bright, beautiful (I saw only two, the rest of the doors were ajar ), the furniture—not God knows what Versailles or Renaissances, but soft, comfortable, colorful, and extravagant; rugs, carved wood, and statuettes.However, everyone still said that his family was poor and had nothing.I've heard a little bit that this duke is boasting about himself and showing off, wherever he can (here, in the old regiment, and in Paris) he's showing off,--that he's really a gambler and owes a lot debt.I was wearing a rumpled frock coat with fluff stuck to it because I hadn't undressed when I went to bed, and my shirt was on for the fourth day.However, my frock coat was not too bad, but it was only after arriving at the prince's that I remembered Versilov's suggestion that I should have a new suit. "You see, I didn't undress all night because of a woman who committed suicide," I said absently, and since he immediately showed that he was paying attention, I was obliged to give a brief account of what had happened.But, apparently, his greatest concern was his letter.The main reason is that I find it strange that when I directly announced to him that I was going to duel with him, not only did he not smile, he didn't even show the slightest hint of wanting to laugh.Although it may be that I forced him not to laugh like that, it is still strange because of the way a person like him behaves.We were sitting opposite each other at his large desk in the middle of the room, and he showed me his completed and transcribed letter to Versilov.The content of this letter is very similar to everything he said to me not long ago at the house of my old prince; it is even written with enthusiasm.Admittedly, I don't know exactly what to make of his apparent candor and readiness to do anything good, but I'm starting to throw in the towel, because, really, why don't I trust him?No matter what kind of person he is, and no matter what people say about him, he has a good tendency after all.I also read Versilov's most recent note to him, seven lines in length—abandoning the duel.Although he did write about his own "weakness of will" and his own "selfishness" in the letter, there was, on the whole, a certain arrogance in the letter...or, rather, in his There was a certain contempt in the whole demeanor.But I didn't say that. "But what do you think of him giving up the duel?" I asked. "Don't you think he was afraid of death?" "Of course not," said the prince, with a smile that seemed serious, but which, on the whole, seemed more and more preoccupied. "I know too well that he is a hero. He has a different view on things...has his own ideological realm..." "Undoubtedly," I interrupted him enthusiastically, "a man named Vassin said that in his handling of the letter and in his refusal of the inheritance there seemed to be 'plagiarism' . . . This kind of thing is definitely not for people to see, but it meets some basic inner demands of him." "I know Mr. Vassin very well," said the prince. "Oh, by the way, you may have seen him at Luga." We looked at each other suddenly, and I seem to blush a little when I think about it now.At least, he interrupted the conversation.However, I would like to talk about it.When I think about someone I saw yesterday, I can't help but want to ask him some questions, but I don't know how to ask them.Anyway, I feel uncomfortable.I was also amazed by his marvelous refinement, his politeness, his ease of manner--in short, his kind of grace and grace which he had cultivated almost from childhood to be their kind, It took my breath away.In his letter, I read two minimal grammatical errors.In short, on such occasions, instead of giving in, I became rebellious, and sometimes, perhaps, badly.But, in the present situation, I am so angry at the thought that I still have fluff on my body, so I even lose my temper and become too casual... I secretly found that sometimes the Duke is very angry. Look at me intently. "Excuse me, duke," I asked suddenly and imprudently, "do you think in your heart that I, a 'wet brat', want to challenge you to a duel, and that it's because of the insults that others have received.—It is possible That's ridiculous?" "It's possible to be resentful about the insult my father received. No, I don't think it's funny." "But I find it very ridiculous... in the eyes of others... That is to say, of course, not in myself. Besides, my name is Dolgoruky, not Versilov. If您对我说的不是实话，或者是您出于上流社会的礼貌，想故意把这淡化，那么，由此可见，您在其他所有方面也都在欺骗我？” “不，我不认为可笑，”他非常严肃地又重复了一遍，“您不可能不在自己身上感到您流着令尊的血脉，不是吗？……不错，您还年轻，因为……我不知道……似乎，尚未成年的人是不能决斗的，因此，照规矩……也不能接受他提出的挑战……但是，如果您愿意的话，这里只有一个可能是有分量的反对理由：如果您在您为之提出挑战的人不知情的情况下提出挑战，因而也就表现出了您自己对他的某种不敬，不是吗？” 我们的谈话突然被一个仆人打断了，他进来有事禀报。公爵似乎正在等他，一看到他进来，他就站起身来，没有把话说完就快步向他走去，因而他向公爵禀报的时候就只能放低了声音，我当然没听到他们在说什么。 “请您原谅，”公爵对我说，“我出去一会儿。” 他说罢就出去了。我留下来，独自一人；我在屋里走来走去，在想心事。奇怪，我既喜欢他，又非常不喜欢他。有一种无可名状的东西，我自己都说不清是什么东西，但却是某种令我反感的东西。“如果他没有一丝一毫取笑我的意思，那，无疑，这人非常直爽；但是，如果他在取笑我，那……也许，我觉得这人更聪明……”我有点奇怪地寻思。我走到桌旁，把他给韦尔西洛夫的信又读了一遍。我想得出神，竟忘了时间，当我清醒过来后，我突然发现公爵说的一会儿，无疑已经过去了整整一刻钟。这使我感到有点不安；我再一次忽前忽后地走了个来回，最后拿起了礼帽，我记得，我决定先出去一下，如果碰到什么人，我就派他去找公爵，等公爵回来后，我再直接向他告辞，告诉他我有事，不能再等了。我觉得，这样做最合适，因为我心里感到有点不舒服，觉得他撇下我，出去了那么长时间，对我的态度也太随便了。 通过这个房间的两扇关着的门，处在同一面墙的两头。我忘了我们是从哪扇门进来的，再加上心不在焉，我随便推开了其中的一扇，突然，在一个又长又窄的房间里，我看见了坐在长沙发上的我的妹妹丽莎。除她以外，屋里没有任何人，当然，她似乎在等什么人。但是我还没有来得及惊讶，突然听到公爵的说话声，他正在跟一个人大声说话，正在回书房。我迅速带上门，从另一扇门进来的公爵什么也没有察觉。我记得，他先是表示抱歉，接着又说到有关某个安娜·费奥多罗芙娜的什么事……但是，我感到十分尴尬和惊异，因此几乎什么也没有听清，只是含混不清地说，我必须回家了，接着我就坚决和迅速地走了出去，温文尔雅的公爵，当然，想必对我的举动感到十分好奇。他把我一直送到前厅，嘴里不停地说着话，而我既没有回答他，也没有看他。 走到外面后，我向左转，信马由缰地随便走去。我在脑子里东想西想，茫无头绪。我走得很慢，似乎走了很多路，大约五六百步，忽然我感到有人轻轻地拍了拍我的肩膀。我回头一看，看见了丽莎：她追上我后，用阳伞轻轻地打了我一下。在她闪亮的目光中，似有某种非常快乐的，又有稍许狡黠的表情。 “我真高兴你朝这面走，要不然，我今天就碰不上你了！”她因为走得快，有点气喘吁吁。 “瞧你都喘不过气了。” “我拼命跑，使劲儿追你。” “丽莎，要知道，我刚才是不是见到过你了？” "where?" “公爵家……索科尔斯基公爵家……” “不，你见到的不是我，不，你见到的不是我……” 我默然以对，我们又走了十来步。丽莎发疯似的哈哈大笑起来： “是我，是我，当然是我！听我说呀，你都亲眼看见我了，要知道，你瞧着我的眼睛，我也瞧着你的眼睛，那你怎么还问我，你见到的是不是我呢？你呀，真怪！你知道吗，你瞧着我的眼睛的时候，我真想放声大笑，你瞧我的那样儿真太可笑了。” 她哈哈大笑，笑得前仰后合。我感到一片愁云立刻离开了我的心。 “那你说，你是怎么到那儿去的？” “看安娜·费奥多罗芙娜呀。” “哪个安娜·费奥多罗芙娜？” “斯托尔别耶娃呀。当我们住在卢加的时候，我整天整天地都坐在她家；她还在她家接待过妈妈，甚至还到咱们家来过。而她在那里几乎从来不去拜访任何人。她是安德烈·彼得罗维奇的一门远亲，也是索科尔斯基公爵家族的一门亲戚：她是公爵的什么姨婆。” “那么说，她住在公爵家？” “不，公爵住在她家。” “那，这是谁的公馆？” “她的公馆呀，整座公馆都是她的，已经整整一年了。公爵一来就住在她家。再说，她自己到彼得堡也才四天。” “好了……听我说，丽莎，咱们先别去管她和她的公馆了，先别管她……” “不，她这人非常好……” “就让她好去吧，她是这方面的行家！我们自己就很好嘛！瞧，天气多好，瞧，多么赏心悦目！你今天多美呀，丽莎。不过就是太孩子气了。” “阿尔卡季，你说说那姑娘，昨天那姑娘。” “唉，多可惜，丽莎，唉，多可惜呀！” “唉，多可惜！命真苦！你知道吗，咱俩这么快快活活，高高兴兴的，甚至都觉得罪过，而她的灵魂却在黑暗中，在某种无边的黑暗中飞翔，作了孽，含冤而死……阿尔卡季，她的罪孽应当怪谁呢？啊，这，有多罪过呀！你有没有在什么时候想过这黑暗？啊，我多怕死啊，这有多罪过啊！我不喜欢黑暗，而这样的阳光明媚，那就不同啦！妈妈说，害怕是罪过的……阿尔卡季，你清楚地了解妈妈吗？” “还不够了解，丽莎，了解得不够。” “啊，她是一位了不起的人；你应当，应当去了解她！她需要特别的理解……” “要知道，我过去连你也不了解，要知道，我现在才了解你整个的人。一分钟之内就了解了你整个的人。丽莎，你虽然怕死，但想必你也很高傲，很勇敢，英勇无畏。你比我好，比我好得多！我非常爱你，丽莎。啊，丽莎呀！死亡该来的时候，就让它来吧，而现在我们要活，好好儿活着！我们一方面要可怜那个不幸的姑娘，另一方面我们又必须祝福人生，是不是这样？是不是这样呢？我有'思想'，丽莎，丽莎，你一定知道韦尔西洛夫拒绝遗产的事了吧？” “怎么会不知道呢！我已经跟妈妈互相亲吻，祝贺过了！” “你不了解我的心，丽莎，你不知道这个人对我意味着什么……” “怎么不知道，全知道！” “全知道？哦，是的，当然知道！你很聪明，你比瓦辛聪明。你和妈妈——你们俩的眼睛能洞察一切，而且很人道，也就是说目光，而不是说眼睛，我胡说一气了……我在许多方面很坏，丽莎。” “你应当有人管束，这就齐了！” “那你就来管束我吧，丽莎。今天我能够看着你，多好呀。你不知道吗，你长得非常美？我从来没有注意过你的眼睛……直到现在我才头一次见到……今天你这眼睛咋这么漂亮呢，丽莎？哪儿'买'的？花了多少钱？丽莎，过去我没朋友，再说，我把这一想法看作是胡闹；但是跟你就不是胡闹了……你愿意我们成为朋友吗？你明白我要说的意思吗？……” “非常明白。” “你知道吗，没有协定，没有契约——简简单单地成为朋友！” “对，简简单单，简简单单，不过应当有个协定：如果有朝一日我们互相责怪，如果我们在什么事情上感到不满，如果我们自己变恶了，变坏了，如果我们甚至忘记了这一切，——那我们也永远不能忘记这一天和现在的这一刻！让我们向自己作出这样的保证，让我们保证要永远记得这一天，我们俩就是这样手拉手地走着，这么笑着，而且我们心里是这么快乐呀……对吗？对不对呀？” “对，丽莎，对，我发誓；但是，丽莎，我好像头一次听你说话似的……丽莎，你读过很多书吗？” “至今，你还没问过我这话呢！直到昨天，我才头一次，我在说话时失言了，您才惠予关注，仁慈的先生，智勇双全的先生。” “既然我是这么一个大傻瓜，你干吗不先跟我说话呢？” “可我一直在等着你什么时候能变得聪明起来。一开头，我就把您整个人看透了，阿尔卡季·马卡罗维奇，我看透您以后，就开始想：'要知道，他自己会来的，结果肯定是他自己先跑来找我。'——于是我就决定把这荣耀交由您来实施，让您先迈出第一步。我想：'不，现在让你来找我吧！'” “啊呀，你真坏。好了，丽莎，你要坦白承认，这一个月，你是不是一直在笑话我呢？” “噢，你很可笑，你太可笑了，阿尔卡季！你知道吗，也许，在这一个月里，正因为这一点，正因为你这人是这么怪，我才特别喜欢你，但是你在许多方面是个很怪的怪人——说这话是免得你骄傲。还有，你知道吗，还有谁在笑话你呢？妈妈在笑话你，妈妈跟我一起，我们悄悄说：'这么一个怪人，瞧，多怪呀！'而这时候你还坐在那里寻思，以为我们坐在那里被你吓得发抖呢。” “丽莎，你对韦尔西洛夫怎么看？” “关于他，我想了很多；但是，要知道，咱们现在不谈他。今天先不谈他；好吗？” “太好了！不，你太聪明了，丽莎！你肯定比我聪明。你等着，丽莎，等我把这一切了结之后，也许，我有话要告诉你……” “你干吗皱眉头呀？” “不，我没皱眉头，丽莎，我只是随便……要知道，丽莎，不如实话实说：我有这么个特点，我不喜欢用手指去触动心里的某些微妙的感情……或者，不如说，如果常常把心里的某些感情释放出来，让大家欣赏，要知道，这是可羞的，不对吗？因此我有时候更爱皱眉头和保持沉默；你很聪明，你应当能懂。” “不仅如此，我自己也是这样；我懂得你的一切。你知道吗，妈妈也这样。” “啊，丽莎！要是能在这世界上活得更久些，那多好呀！啊？你说什么？” “不，我什么也没说。” “你在看？” “你不也在看吗。我看着你，我爱你。” 我几乎一直把她送到家门口，又把我的住址给了她。临别时，我生平头一次吻了吻她…… 这一切本来很好，只有一点不好：我有一个沉重的想法，从半夜起，一直在我心里翻腾，不肯离开我脑海。这就是昨天晚上在我们家大门口遇到那个不幸的姑娘时对她说过的话，我说我要自动离开这个家，离开这个窝，说什么人们总是离开坏人，外出成家立业的，又说韦尔西洛夫有许多私生子。这样的话，而且是儿子说父亲的坏话，当然在她心中坚定了她对韦尔西洛夫的所有怀疑，认为他侮辱了她。我曾经归咎于斯捷别尔科夫，要知道，也许是我火上加油，这才是主要的。这个想法是可怕的，现在都觉得可怕……但当时，那天早上，我虽然已经感到痛苦，但是我终究还是觉得，这是胡扯。“唉，这事即使没有我也已经积怨甚深，酝酿成熟”了，我不时重复着这一想法，“唉，没什么，会过去的！我可以改过嘛！我可以做点什么事情来弥补嘛……做点什么善事……我前面还有五十年悠悠岁月呢！” 而这想法仍旧在我心里翻腾不已。