Chapter 12 Wisdom from a Wife - Be Kind, or Persecute

The beautiful and charming Jean Carlyle is an heir to an estate and a very talented poet.When she married Thomas Carlyle, all the pretty and charming Jane Carlyle was an heir to an estate, and very talented, a poet.When she married Thomas Carlyle, everyone felt that she had ruined her happiness, and that she could have found a better husband.Though Thomas Carlyle was brilliant--and that was all he had--he was also rude, unfriendly, and eccentric.And he's a pauper, and doesn't look like he has a bright future.But now the marriage of Jean Carlyle to her stern Scottish husband has become the stuff of legend

.She accompanied her husband step by step, and watched him write classic literary masterpieces such as "The French Revolution" and "The Life of Cromwell", and became the president of the University of Edinburgh, becoming an idol worshiped by Londoners.Contemporary literary geniuses often meet at their home in Dunkirk. After Jane Carlyle got married, in order to have more time to help her husband, she gave up writing.They left family and friends behind for their husband's uninterrupted creative work and came to an isolated Scottish countryside.Here she sews clothes by herself, takes care of her husband, not only cures his chronic stomach disease, but also clears his long-standing depression, no different from a thrifty housewife.

Then, her husband slowly attracted public attention, and many people who admired her husband's talents began to associate with them, many of whom were beautiful women.But because these women were able to bring attention to her husband's work, Jane put up with it all.Of all Jane Carlyle's virtues, the rarest was this: It never occurred to her to change her husband's personality. She wrote a letter—now very famous—that reads: "...I don't encourage everyone to become the same type, what I do is, draw a circle with chalk and advise the people in the circle Try to bring out your own unique personality and don't step out of the circle."

Perhaps some ladies will think that Mr. Carlyle can only do him good by improving his uneasy personality.But Jane likes the real face of her husband, and hopes that people in the world can accept it, so Jane just allows him to develop his own personality. It is up to women to decide exactly what a man is capable of, and whether to help him understand what he is capable of or to push him to do more than he is capable of, and the difference between the two attitudes is very subtle. Jane Carlyle knew very well that her husband was a very intelligent genius, so she could respect Carlyle's rude and stubborn personality, willingly lived in his "chalk circle", and did not want to transform him into a gentle Courteous social expert.

Not every wife knows her husband that well.Many men live very painful lives, and the root cause is mostly because they have an ambitious wife who is often forced by them to do things beyond the limits of their abilities.Originally, there are many people in low-level positions who are very competent and happy in their work. If they are forced to fight for high positions, they will only increase their troubles, suffer from various diseases, and even enter the grave in advance. Can not bear too much responsibility and pressure. Orison Sweet Madden said: "It is much better to be a first-rate bricklayer than a second-rate person in other industries." Success means doing the best work that suits our character, psychology and ability. it is good.

Not every human being created by nature can become a general or a chairman.However, due to the inflated reputation society bestows on people with big titles, it misleads people into thinking that those who are content with low positions are unmotivated.Realizing this situation, their wives will make unreasonable demands, thinking that no matter from a social or economic point of view, he should be like a madman over the status and income of his neighbors and friends. The Lord asks us, "Which of you can increase his stature by worrying and worrying?" No one can.Yet many wives still think they can do it, and the tragedy continues.

There is such a woman, when she married her husband, she has been trying to make her husband a white-collar worker for twenty years.Her husband had been a brilliant plumber, and had a great time at it.But when she saw her friends' husbands carrying briefcases to work, even when they were empty, and her own husbands with bento boxes, even though they were filled with the best meals, she felt so ashamed that she started complaining to her. Husband asks. In order to keep his wife from nagging all day long, the poor guy took a job as a copyist in a big company, and now he has a pen holder in his hands instead of a screwdriver.His wife was able to hold her head up and tell her friends as soon as she had time how she saved her husband from being a blue-collar worker.Thanks to this idea of ​​his which made her husband somewhat successful, he had been promoted several grades and his salary had been greatly increased over the years, against all odds.In the past, the income of being a plumber could not be compared with it.But now, he is an ordinary clerk who is extremely bored with work and can't get any joy in life.

For the sake of a high salary, forcing a man to give up a career he loves to move to a job he is not interested in, or even forcing him to leave a suitable job and be forced to be promoted, is sometimes an unfortunate thing.Therefore, it takes a lot of courage to give up a high-paying job that is easily available.You may not believe it, so let's take a look at the example of Clever Siwartzman. Cliff Siwartzman is a Patroller with the Honolulu Police Department.Not long after his youngest daughter was born, he was transferred to work in another department.This position pays more, but at the same time it is more stressful, working longer hours, and leaving little time to take care of my family.As a competent police officer, Siwartzman still accepted the transfer and tried his best to do his new job well.Everything looks fine.

However, Siwartzman began to suffer from insomnia, his body became emaciated, and his temper became extremely violent.He found his doctor friend to check the cause.The result of the inspection was that there was nothing wrong with the body.In the end, the doctor had a long talk with him and finally understood that Siwartzman's illness was self-inflicted.So the doctor called the chief of police and told him that only Siwazman had to be transferred back to his old post in the patrol department, otherwise he would definitely fall down and the police would lose a good police officer. Siwartzman returned to his duty as a ranger, and his health quickly improved, and everything returned to normal, including eating, sleeping, weight, and temper.He said: "In my opinion, it is much more important to be engaged in a job you like than to receive a high salary. I have learned from it that a healthy body and a happy and fulfilled life are more important than money."

Clever Siwartzman was a very lucky man to understand this in time.Some people never have this opportunity.The protagonist in John Marquette's novel "The Stronghold of No Retreat" is such a person.The society described in the book attaches great importance to material life. Noble schools, high-end entertainment venues, and fashionable clothing are all more important than personality. Not enthusiastic about this success, but he is obedient to his wife's demands.Until the end, he found himself standing in a stronghold with no retreat, caught in a social circle that didn't suit his character, and it was too late to turn back.

Sometimes a wife's ambition has more serious consequences. The title of an article in Time Magazine caught my attention: "American Official's Ambition Killed Him".The article wrote that a 41-year-old member of Congress hanged himself. The police officer in charge of investigating the cause of death said that the reason for the suicide was "frustrated ambition" - the biggest ambition of the suicide was to become a diplomat.However, he failed his examinations for service abroad three times.It can be seen from this that we must not yearn for things beyond our ability, otherwise we will harm others and ourselves. Neither wives nor husbands should desire success beyond our means.In his book If You Could Stop Killing Yourself, Dr. Peter Steinclone rails against wives who push their husbands too far - demanding that their husbands endlessly earn more money and achieve a higher standard of living , get a better position.He said: "This kind of woman who naturally likes to pursue fame and fortune or who has these characteristics through her ears and eyes has destroyed the happiness of many families. This is what I have seen with my own eyes." So allow husbands the freedom to be their egos! Don't force him into the so-called "successful" mode of life. Andrea Inloise, the author of the book, emphasized: "A tourist will never visit every village; a writer can't write every novel; a politician can't reform every detail. I Once again, we must resolutely abandon plans that are not suitable for us.” If you encourage your husband, love him, and fight with him, your husband will achieve the highest achievement.But you must not force him to do things beyond his ability, or put too much pressure on him.