Chapter 21 Chapter 9 What Everyone Needs

Would you like to get a magic sentence?A phrase that stops arguments, eliminates resentment, builds goodwill, and makes people listen to you. Yes, there is such a saying, let me tell you.You start saying things like, "I don't blame you at all for what you feel, and I would feel the same way if I were you." With such a simple sentence, the most cunning and stubborn person in the world will soften.But you have to say those words with great sincerity, and if you are the other person, of course you feel the same way.Let me cite the example of Capone: Take the chieftain Capone, if you inherit the same body, temperament, and thought as Capone, and you are in his environment and have his experience, then you become like him.For that is what made him a bandit.

Example: The only reason you are not a rattlesnake is because your parents were not rattlesnakes.The only reason you don't kiss a cow and don't consider a snake a god is because you weren't born on the banks of the Braubada, into a Hindu family. There is very little credit for being who you are.The man who irritates you, who is stubborn and unreasonable, will be what he is, and he has very little fault.To this poor creature, express regret, pity, and sympathy.John Coe, you have to keep in mind a saying he used to say, when he saw a staggering drunk in the street, he used to say, "If it hadn't been for the grace of God, I would have walked in his way too.

Three-quarters of the people you meet tomorrow are probably hungry for sympathy. … !If you sympathize with them, they will like you. Once, I gave a speech on the radio and talked about Ms. Alcord, the author of "Little Women".Naturally, I know that she grew up in "Massages" and "Concord", and wrote her immortal masterpieces.But I was careless for a while, and I said that I had visited her hometown in "Concourt" in "Newheim Pischer".Perhaps I could be forgiven if I said "Neuheim Pischer" only once, but I said it twice in succession.

Afterwards, many letters and telegrams were sent to question me, accuse me, and some were almost insulting. Like a swarm of wild bees, they surrounded my irresistible head.One of them, an old lady who was born in Concord, Massachusetts, and who was then living in Philadelphia, vented her burning rage on me.When I saw her letter, I said to myself: Thank God, I am lucky that I did not marry such a woman. " I'm going to write to her and tell her, though I've got the place name wrong.But she doesn't even know a little common sense of etiquette...Of course, this is my most unkind criticism of her.In the end, I would roll up my sleeves and tell her how bad my impression of her was... But, I didn't do that, I tried my best to restrain myself and restrain myself.I know only stupid people would do that.

I don't want to be on the same level as stupid people, so I decided to turn her hatred into kindness, and I said to myself, "If I were her, I might feel the same way." So, I decided to show her sympathy .Later, when I went to Philadelphia, I called this old lady, and the conversation was like this... I said on the phone, "Ma'am, you wrote me a letter a few weeks ago, and I thank you!" Her soft, smooth voice came from the phone, asking, "Who are you, I'm sorry, I can't hear you?" I said into my handset, "To you, I am a stranger you do not know. My name is Dale Carnegie. . . . A few weeks ago, you listened to me on the radio and pointed out my Mistake. Misplaced the birthplace of ︵Little Women. Ms. Alcord, the author, it is a foolish thing to make a mistake... I apologize for this incident, you took the time to write to correct me Mistakes, and I thank you at the same time."

She said on the phone: "I'm sorry, Mr. Carnegie, I lost my temper with you rudely in Xinguo, please bear with me and forgive me." I persisted and said, "No, no, it's not your apology, it's me who should apologize:...Even a primary school student would never make a mistake like mine. That incident, the second week, I It has been corrected on the radio.! Now I personally apologize to you.” She said, "I grew up in Concord, Massacres... My family has been very prestigious there for two hundred years, and I'm proud of where I am. When I hear you say Ms. , when I was from Newheim Bishe, it really made me sad. But that letter made me feel apologetic and disturbed."

I said to the phone in my hand: "I would like to tell you the truth, your sadness is not one-tenth of mine. My mistakes did not harm that place, but they did harm to myself. Like It is very rare for a person of your status and status to write a letter to a radio announcer. In the future, if you find any mistakes in my speeches, I hope you will write to me again.” She said on the phone: "Your attitude of being willing to accept criticism from others makes people want to approach you and like you... I Believe that you are a very nice person, I would love to know you and get close to you. "

From the content of this phone call, when I expressed sympathy and apology to her from her point of view, I also received her sympathy and apology.I am very satisfied with myself that I can control my excited temper... :.It also gratifies me to exchange kindness for insults.I get more pleasure from making her like me. Almost all the dignitaries in the White House are troubled by these kinds of problems in human relations.President Taft is no exception... He has come to the conclusion from experience that sympathy is the most effective medicine for dispelling resentment.In one of his books, "Serving in Ethics," Tufte gave an interesting example of how to calm the anger of a disappointed but ambitious mother.

President Taft said: "A lady in Washington, whose husband is quite powerful in politics; she has been pestering me for almost two months, asking me to put her son in a position. She also asked Several senators from the House of Representatives accompanied her to me to speak on behalf of her son's position. But that position requires technical talent.Later, on the recommendation of the supervisor concerned, I appointed someone else, and then I received a letter from the mother, saying that I had forgotten the favors bestowed on me because I refused to make her a pleasant wife.She meant that I could make her happy with a little effort from me, but I refused to do so.She told how she had persuaded her state's representative to sponsor me for an important bill, but I had been so ungrateful to her.

When you receive such a letter, the first thing to do is how to deal with an impolite and reckless person with serious words, and then, maybe you start writing the letter. However, if you are a smart person, you will put this letter in a drawer and lock it, and after two days, you will take this letter out... A letter like this, sent a few days late, is also Will not be affected.But when you pull out the letter two days later and read it, you don't put it in the mailbox, and that's the route I took. After that, I sat down and wrote a letter in the most polite terms I could, telling her that I knew a mother who was greatly disappointed when something like this happened to her.But I told her frankly that the appointment of such a position is not based on my personal likes and dislikes, but that I need to find a suitable technical talent, so I accepted the recommendation of the supervisor.

I expressed the hope that her son will continue to work hard in his original job, with a view to achieving something in the future.That letter calmed her down and she sent me a text apologizing for her last letter. But the person I appointed will not be able to come to work for a short time.After a few days like this, I received another letter signed by her husband, but the handwriting on the letter was exactly the same as the previous two letters. The letter told me that his wife suffered from neurasthenia due to this incident and is now bedridden, with a tumor growing in her stomach.In order to restore his wife's health, he asked me if I could replace the name of the man appointed, with that of her son, in order to restore her health. I sent him a letter back, it was for her husband... I hope his wife's condition is wrongly diagnosed.And to express sympathy for the situation he encountered, but it was impossible to withdraw the appointed person.A few days later, that person also officially took over... the day after I received the letter, I held a concert at the White House, and the first people who came to pay tribute to Mrs. Tufte and me were this couple . Hollock was supposed to be America's first concert impresario, and he had more than twenty years of experience dealing with artists like Caribou, Duncan, and Penn Love.Hollock told me that dealing with musicians of a particular character led him to acquire a Valuable Lesson.... They must be sympathized with, and must be thoroughly sympathized with their ridiculous, eccentric tempers. For three years, Horrock was the manager of the world's bass singer Carrebene.What bothers Horrock the most is that Cariben himself is a problem, behaving like a spoiled child.In Horlock's characteristic tone: "He sucks in every way." For example: If there is a concert in the evening, Jia Lipin will call Hollock at noon of the day and say, "Shar," he called Hollock by name: "I feel very uncomfortable, my throat is very scratchy. , I can't sing on stage tonight." After hearing him say this, Horlock argued with him?No, Horlock wouldn't do that! . He knew that as an artist's manager, he absolutely couldn't handle it like this.So, he would immediately go to the hotel where Caribe was staying, and say with great sympathy, "My poor friend, that is such a misfortune...Of course, you can't sing any more. I'll go and inform you to cancel tonight's show, Although you have lost two or three thousand yuan in income, compared to your reputation, it is nothing." After listening to Horlock's words, Caribin would sigh with emotion and say, "Shar, you can come back later. Come at five o'clock in the afternoon and see how I am doing at that time!" At five o'clock, Mr. Hollock went back to Carrebine's hotel, and insisted on canceling the show for Carrebine. ...But Jia Libin would say this again: "You come to see me later, then maybe I will be better!" At half past seven, the bass singer finally agreed to take the stage.His only condition was that Mr. Hollock should come up on stage and report to the audience that Caribene had a bad cold and a bad throat.Hollock will pretend to agree, because then Jia Libin will come on stage to sing. Dr. Gates wrote in his famous "Educational Psychology" book: A human being generally pursues sympathy, and children will eagerly show his wounded places.Some even deliberately cut and hurt themselves to win the sympathy of adults. " Adults have a similar situation, they will go around to show his injuries, tell their accidents, diseases, and especially what happened after the operation. "Self-pity! It's actually a normal human habit." So, you want to get other people's consent for you, the ninth rule is: Empathize with the other person's thoughts and desires.