Chapter 6 Chapter 3 The way of doing both

Every summer, I go fishing in Maine.For myself, I like bayberry and butter, but I see that fish in the water love worms for some special reason.So when I go fishing, I don't think about what I want, I think about what they need.I don't use bayberry or butter as a lure, catch a worm or a grasshopper on the fishing hook, put it in the water, and say to the fish, "Do you want to eat that?" Why don't you use the same common sense to "fish" a person? Someone asked "Luid Georgie" how he was able to stay in power when other wartime leaders had retired into obscurity?He replied as follows: If there is one thing that can be attributed to his high position, it is because he has learned that when fishing, he must put the right bait.

Why do we only talk about what we want?That's childish, unreasonable? Of course, you pay attention to your needs, you're always paying attention.But others are indifferent to you.Know that other people are just like you, and all they care about is themselves. The only way in the world to influence someone is to talk about what he wants and how to get it. When you ask someone to do something for you tomorrow, you have to remember that sentence!Here's an analogy: If you don't want your child to smoke, you don't have to tell him that smoking might keep him off the baseball team or win the 100-yard race.

Whether you are dealing with a child, or a calf, or an ape, this is one thing that deserves your attention. Example: On one occasion, Emerson and his sons, trying to get a calf into the barn, made all the mistakes of common people, thinking only of what they needed, and not of the calf... Emerson pushed , his son La.And that calf, just like them, only wanted what it wanted, so it stood up its legs and refused to leave the grass. The Irish maid next to her, seeing their situation, although she can't write a book, but at least this time, she understands the sensory feelings and habits of cattle, horses and livestock, and she thinks about what this calf needs.The maid put her thumb into the calf's mouth and let the calf suck her thumb, gently guiding it into the barn.

From the day you came into this world, every action you take is for yourself and because you need something. What if you donate 100 yuan to the Red Cross Society?Yes, that will not be an exception, you donate a hundred dollars to the Red Cross because you want to do a good deed, because you want to do a sacred thing... But maybe you are too embarrassed to refuse, so Just donated.Perhaps because a patron asked you to donate.But one thing is certain.You donate because you need something. Harley.Professor Overstreet, in his book "Influencing Human Behavior," said: "Actions are generated by our basic desires... The best advice for anyone who wants to persuade others in the future is to be in In business, in family, in school, in politics, you must first arouse some urgent need from the other party, if you can do this, you can have both sides, otherwise you will hit a wall everywhere.”

"Endy Carnegie" was a poor Scottish child in his early years. At that time, he was paid only two cents an hour for his work, but later Boo gave 365 million yuan to others.He has learned from an early age that the only way to influence people is to talk about what the other person needs.He had only four years of schooling, but he had learned how to deal with people. "Endy Carnegie" had an inspiring story: his sister-in-law was very worried about her two sons, who were studying at Yale University, and they may have neglected their family letters because they were busy with their own affairs. , but did not think of the mother who was worried at home.

After "Sidi Carnegie" found out about this, he wrote a chat letter to his two nephews.He appended a sentence to the letter, saying that he would send them each a five-dollar bill. However, he did not put the money in the envelope. A reply came soon, and the two nephews thanked their uncle, but they also said in the letter that the money had not been received. Tomorrow you want to persuade someone to do something, before you ask yourself, "How can I get him to do this?" That question can stop us from meeting people in a hurry and talking fruitlessly about our desires.

I rent a ballroom in a hotel in New York for twenty nights a season for a speech study. At the beginning of a season, I suddenly received a notice from the hotel asking me to pay three times the previous rent.But when I received this news, the announcement had already been announced and the admission tickets had already been issued. Of course I don't want to pay the increased rent, but what's the use of talking to the hotel about what I want?All they paid attention to was what they needed, so two days later I went to see the manager of the big hotel. I said to the manager, "I was a little apprehensive when I got your letter... Of course I don't blame you, I would have written a letter like this if we had moved. Your job as a manager How did you make the restaurant profitable. If you don't do this; you will be removed from this position and should be fired. Now we take out a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons about you... If If you insist on increasing the rent.”

I took a piece of paper, drew a line through the center of the paper, and wrote "benefit" on the top end and "harm" on the other end. I wrote in the line of "Li": "The ballroom is vacant" for a few words, and then continued: "You can freely rent out the ballroom for dancing and other parties, which is a great income. Like In that case, obviously, your income is more than renting out a party for speaking parties. If I occupy your ballroom for twenty nights in this season, you will definitely lose those who have more profits. income." I then said, "Now let's talk about the other side... because I can't accept your request, I have reduced your income. In my case, because I can't pay the rent you need, I have no choice but to hold it elsewhere. Speeches. However, there is another fact that I believe you should think about. My speech research association has brought the masses of upper-class intellectuals to your restaurant and invited you. Has it been a very successful one? Advertising? In fact, if you paid five thousand dollars for advertising, not as many people in my seminar speech class would come to your restaurant, which is very valuable to you, isn't it?"

As I said this, I wrote the two cases down on a piece of paper, handed that piece of paper to the manager, and said: I hope you will consider these two situations carefully, and give me a notice when you make a final decision. " The next day, I got a letter from the hotel telling me to add 50% to the rent instead of 300%. Note that I didn't say a single word phrase about my rent reduction... :.What I'm talking about is what the other person wants and how he can get it. If I broke into the hotel manager's office and argued with him, as ordinary people do.I can say something like this: "My admission ticket is printed and the notice is published. What do you mean by triple my rent all of a sudden? Three hundred percent, that's ridiculous...it doesn't make sense, I won't pay it !"

In this case, what will happen?Arguments and debates are about to start evaporating and boiling!So what?Even in the situation I am referring to, the restaurant manager believes he is in the wrong, but his self-esteem makes it difficult for him to admit his own mistakes. Here's a great piece of advice about being human, the art of relationship building.Henry.Ford once said, "If there's one secret to success, it's how to get the other side's position." The ability to conceive from his point of view is just as conceivable from yours. " Yes, I repeat what Ford said: "If there is one secret to success, it is the ability to get the other person's 'position'; to conceive from his point of view as much as from your own. ’ It was so simple, so obvious, that anyone could easily find out why.However, ninety percent of the people in the world, ninety percent of the time, neglect this matter.

Can you give some examples to illustrate?Look at the letter on your desk tomorrow morning!You can see that there are many people who violate this rule of common sense.Take the following letter as an example. It was written by the director of the radio department of a very large advertising company with branches all over the country to the heads of radio stations across the country. (My comments in parentheses are my opinions and reactions to each verse.) "Mr Jon Black, Blackwell, indiana Dear Mr. Black: The company hopes to maintain its leadership position in the advertising business in the radio industry. " (Who cares about your company's hopes? I'm worrying about my own problems! The bank is foreclosing on my house...Pests are damaging my plants...Markets were chaotic yesterday...I missed it in the morning The train at 8:15...I was not invited to the dance at Chance's house last night...the doctor said I have high blood pressure and neuritis...) "The company's national advertising account is the guarantee of the initial business network. The radio time we need in the future has kept us above all companies every year." (You're cocky, you show off your money, you're way ahead of everything, right? So what? If you're as big as NMC, NEC, U.S. Army Headquarters combined, I don't give a shit. If you I only have a half-knowledge, then you should know that I only care about how "big" I am, not how "big" you are.) "We hope to serve our customers with the latest news from Infinity Radio." ("You" want! "You" want! You ass. I don't pay attention to what "you" want, or what Mussolini wants, or what Bing Crosby wants, I just Let me tell you, I only pay attention to what "I" wish... In your unreasonable letter, there is no such word.) "So you put our company on the priority list to provide radio news every week with every detail that is useful for advertising companies when registering news." ("Priority list", you brag about your company and make me feel so small...you want me to put you on the priority list without even saying "please" when you need it.) "Reply immediately and provide us with information about your latest "activities" for mutual benefit. " (You idiot, you sent me a plain mimeographed letter, a notification letter to be distributed everywhere--that's like autumn There are so many fallen leaves in the sky.You want me to sit down and write a letter alone when my blood pressure is too high when my house is being mortgaged, answering your mimeographed letter, and you want me to give you an "reply immediately". What does "immediately" mean?Don't you know, I'm just as busy as you.I ask you, who gave you such a "power" to command me?You say "both are good for each other" and finally you start to mention my position, but how it is good for me, you are vague and don't elaborate. ) "Relauncher, I enclose a copy of the White Lakeville newspaper for your reference if you are willing to broadcast it on the radio." (In this post of yours, you mentioned something that would help me solve a problem, why not start your letter with that. But, what good is that? Anyone in an advertising agency, committing The brain must be out of order for a stupid problem like the one you sent this letter.) If a man who has devoted his life to advertising and thinks he has the power to influence others writes a letter like that, how can we give him a higher estimate? Here is another letter from a very large freight station superintendent to Mr. "Furmley", a student in my seminar workshop.What effect does this letter have on a person who receives it?After reading this letter first, I will tell you, Solreg Corporation, Qianqian Street No. 8, White Rocklin, New York Sincerely, Edward.Mr. Fumley Mr. Deacon: In the work of receiving goods from our office, most of the customers who delivered the goods delivered the goods in the evening, which made our office feel very troubled.Because of this, it will cause freight stagnation, delay the working hours of our employees, affect the efficiency of truck delivery, and result in slow delivery. On November 10th, we received 510 pieces of goods from your company, and the delivery time was 4:20 pm. In order to reduce the adverse effects of late delivery of goods, we hope to obtain your company's full cooperation.In the future, if you deliver a large amount of goods, can you send them to us as early as possible, or send some of them in the morning? This measure is beneficial to your business, allowing your trucks to return quickly, and at the same time we guarantee that your goods will be dispatched as soon as they are received. Sincerely, director XX After reading this letter, Mr. Fumley, Sales Director of Soleg, marked the following opinion and handed it to me: The effect of this letter is exactly the opposite of the original intention of the other party.At the beginning of the letter, he mentioned the difficulty of the other party's freight station. Generally speaking, this is not what we pay attention to.Then the other party asked for my cooperation, but they didn't think about it at all, would it be inconvenient to us?In the last paragraph of the letter, it is mentioned that if we cooperate, the truck can be driven back quickly, and our goods can be dispatched immediately on the day of receipt. In other words, it was the thing we paid the most attention to, mentioned last, that made the whole effect counterproductive, rather than the spirit of co-operation. " Now let's see if this letter can be improved and rewritten. We don't need to waste time talking about our problems, just like Henry.What Ford once said allows us to "get the other side's point of view, to see things from the other side's point of view as well as from our own." Here is a modified method, maybe not the best, but can it be improved? Mr. Fumley, Mr. Shouleige Company, 28 Front Street, BELLOCKLIN, NEW YORK Dear Mr. Fumley: Your company has been a welcome customer to us for fourteen years.Of course, we are very grateful for your attention and would like to provide you with more prompt and efficient service.However, we are very sorry to need to talk about one thing, that is, when your company's trucks, like the situation on November 10, delivered a large amount of goods in the evening, this kind of service is impossible! What is the reason?Because many other customers also deliver goods in the evening, stagnation will naturally occur.As for your company's delivery trucks, sometimes it is inevitable that they will be blocked at the dock, which will delay your delivery. This situation is not good, very bad, but how to avoid it?That is, if possible, please have your company free in the morning to deliver the goods to the pier.This method allows your company's trucks to continue to flow quickly; we can deal with the goods you deliver immediately, and our employees can go home early every night to taste the delicious pasta produced by your company After reading this letter, please do not mind. It is not that we are suggesting to your company how to improve your business policy. The purpose of this letter is to enable our company to serve your company more effectively. No matter when your goods arrive, we are still willing to serve you as quickly as possible. You are busy with business.Please don't bother with God's reply! Sincerely, Thousands of salesmen today, tired, frustrated, underpaid, wandering the road!What is the reason?Because they always only think about what they need, but they don't notice whether what they sell is what we need. If we want to buy something we need, we will go out and buy it ourselves, because what we pay attention to is how to solve our own problems.If there is a salesman whose services and goods can really help us solve a problem, we will buy his things without talking about selling to us.Customers like to feel that they bought something on their own initiative, not because of a sales pitch. But there are many people who spend their whole lives in sales, but don't talk from the buyer's standpoint. Now here's an example of this... I live in the "Lynn Hill" neighborhood in the heart of Greater New York.One day I was walking to the car As I was walking, I happened to meet a real estate agent who had been buying and selling real estate around Long Island for many years.He was very familiar with the "Linqiu" residential area where I lived, so I asked him what materials the house I lived in was made of.He replied that I didn't know, but he told me what I knew... Regarding the situation I asked him, he said that he could ask the inquiry agency in my residential area. The next morning, I got a letter from him... is he going to tell me what I want to know?You don't need to write a letter, just hang up and call me in sixty seconds.But he didn't do that, he still asked me to ask the inquiry agency, but in the end he asked me to let him handle my insurance business. He didn't notice how to help me, he just noticed how to help himself. I should have given him two volumes of the famous book of "Vansh Young", "To Give" and "Share the Lucky".If he reads those two books and can implement the philosophy in the book, he believes that his gains will be a thousand times the benefits of applying for my insurance. Professionals often make the same mistake. ...: It was a few years ago, and I went to the consulting room of a well-known throat and nose doctor in Philadelphia.Before seeing my interlarynx tonsils, the doctor asked me what my occupation was.Instead of paying attention to the size of my tonsils, he pays attention to the size of my purse.What he cares about is not helping me or solving a problem for me, but what he cares most about is how much money he can get from my pocket.In the end, he got nothing... I despised his lack of personality, gave up the plan to ask him for a consultation, and walked out of his consulting room. The world is full of such people: robbers, selfish.But the rare, unselfish, service-to-others benefit greatly on the contrary. "Owen Yang" once said: "A person can put himself in other people's situation and understand other people's thoughts and activities, and he doesn't have to think about the future." If you read this book, you will only get one thing --- you will always stand in the position of others to plan, conceive, and observe the trend of things from the other's point of view.If you really get the thing in this book, it will be the key to turning your career in your life. Many people have been educated in colleges and have studied profound knowledge, but they have never discovered how their hearts work.Once, I held a course on "Effective Public Speaking" for some young employees who graduated from college and worked in an air-conditioning installation company. I found a piece of information and used it as an analogy: There was a man who wanted to persuade others to play basketball. His words were as follows: "I want you to play basketball. I like basketball. But the first few times I went to the gymnasium, because there were not enough people, we couldn't divide into teams. That night we played in two or three people. Throwing ball game...accidentally, my eye was shot purple, but I hope you come tomorrow night, I want to play basketball." Did he ever say, what do you need?You don't go to the gym that nobody goes to, do you?You don't care what he wants, as long as your eyes don't turn purple. Can he tell you that going to the gym will get you what you want?of course can.Stimulate the spirit, strengthen the appetite, clear the mind, pastime, games. This is Professor Overstreet's insight: "First arouse the other party's urgent needs. If you can do this, you can have both sides, otherwise you will hit a wall everywhere." There was a student in the training class of the seminar who was worried about his child. The reason was that the child was very light and refused to eat obediently.The child's parents usually scold him like this: Mother wants him to eat this and that!Father wants him to grow up quickly! Will the kid notice the words?He won't pay attention to these, just like you won't pay attention to those things that have nothing to do with you. Like a feast. A father who has no common sense would hope that a three-year-old child can respond to the views of a thirty-year-old father.But the father finally realized that it was unreasonable.So he said to himself, "What does that kid need? How do I connect what I need with what he needs?" When he starts thinking about that, the problem is easy to solve.His kid has a tricycle, and the kid likes to ride it on the sidewalk in front of the house.There was a "very bad" older child in a neighbor's house a few houses away from them. He often pushed the little child off the tricycle and rode it on himself. The child ran back crying and told his mother that when his mother came out, she pushed the "very bad" older child off the tricycle, and then let her own child sit in the car. Situations like this happened every day. What does this child need?This question does not require esoteric exploration.His self-esteem, his anger, his desire for self-respect are the strongest emotions in his nature that drive him to revenge, to punch this "bad" big boy on the nose? ! If his father had told him that, as long as he ate what his mother wanted him to eat, he would grow up quickly and be able to punch this "bad" big boy down in the future.When his father promised him that, it was no longer a matter of diet!Now the kid loves to eat anything, spinach, cabbage, salted fish, and anything else.He hoped that he would grow up quickly and fight that "thug" who repeatedly bullied him. When that problem was solved, there was another problem that bothered the father... The little boy had a bad habit of "enuresis" wet the bed. The little boy slept with his grandmother, and the grandmother woke up in the morning, touched the sheets, and said to the little boy, "Look, Johnny, what did you do last night?" Johnny always replied, "No, no, I didn't wet the bed, you did." His parents beat him, scolded him, and shamed him. His mother told him countless times not to do that, but Johnny never got rid of his bad habit of wet the bed.So Johnny's parents asked in person: "How to make Johnny, the child, correct his bad habits of enuresis and wet bed?" Johnny what does he want?One, he wanted to wear pajamas like his father's instead of a nightgown like his grandmother's.Grandmother had had enough of his nighttime disturbances that kept her from sleeping comfortably, so she would gladly buy him a set of pajamas if Johnny got rid of his bad habits.Second, he wanted a bed of his own - something my grandmother had no objection to. Mother took Johnny to a department store, pointed at the saleswoman at the counter and said: This little gentleman wants to buy something! " The saleswoman made him feel self-respecting and asked, "Young man, what do you want to buy?" Johnny lifted his heels, stood taller, and said, "I'm going to buy myself a bed." When Johnny saw that his mother liked the bed he bought; Johnny's mother gave the saleswoman another wink, and the saleswoman told Johnny how cute and practical the bed was, and she bought it. On the night when the bed was delivered, when his father came home, Johnny ran to the door and yelled, "Daddy, Daddy, come upstairs and see, I bought the bed myself!" Seeing that bed, the father thought of what Schwab had said, and nodded his approval to the little boy. He asked his son, "Johnny, you're not going to wet this bed again, are you?" "Oh, no, no," Johnny said, shaking his head, "I'm not going to wet this bed again." Because of his pride, the kid kept his word... Johnny never "wetted" again. Wet the bed.Because it was his bed and he bought it himself.Now Johnny is in his pajamas, like a little "adult", he wants to be an "adult", and he does. In addition, there is a father named Chu Zumen, who is a telephone engineer and a student in my training class.The trouble he encountered was that his three-year-old daughter refused to eat breakfast.Constantly scolding, begging, or coaxing the little girl had no effect. The little girl liked to imitate her mother and seemed to feel grown up.So one morning, they put her on a chair and made her breakfast -- and that was exactly what the little girl needed psychologically.While she was making breakfast, her father came into the kitchen.When the little girl saw her father come in, she said, "Hey, Daddy, look - I'm making breakfast!" On that morning, the little girl obediently ate two large bowls without anyone's cajoling or coaxing.Her sense of self-importance was satisfied by her interest in the matter.While cooking breakfast, she found an opportunity to express herself. Willem.Wende once said: "Expressing yourself is the most important need of human nature." But why don't we use this same psychology in our business? arouse desire in others. ● feed Don't criticize, blame or complain. Offer your real, sincere appreciation. arouse desire in others. How to get the most out of this book (1) If you want to get the most benefit from this book, there is a necessary condition, a basic condition that is more important than any rules or techniques.You must have this basic condition.Otherwise, no matter how much you study, it will not be of much use.With this gift of intellect, you can do wonders without looking at the advice that would benefit you most from the book. What is this wonderful condition?It's a deep, propelling desire to learn, a burning determination to increase your ability to deal with others. How do you trigger such an impulse?Remind yourself often and let yourself know how important these principles are to you.Picture this for yourself--if these principles are applied well, they will expose you to colorful environments; how can they be more helpful in financial rewards.You have to say to yourself again and again: "The reason why I am popular, the happiness I get, and the increase in my compensation income is because I know how to deal with others." (2) Read each chapter quickly and get an idea. You may want to read the next chapter, but I hope you don't.Unless you're reading it just to pass the time -- if you're reading it to increase your interpersonal skills, it's time-saving and most effective if you read this chapter in detail way. (3) When you are reading, you might as well stop for a while and think about what you read?You ask yourself this way - where When, where, and how you use each of the suggestions in the book. (4) While reading this book, hold a red ink pen, or a red ballpoint pen in your hand—whenever you come across a suggestion that you think you can apply, draw a line next to the list of words.If you see a great suggestion, put a column of "XXXXX" symbols next to those sentences.If there are underlines and symbols like this in this book, it will not only make you more interesting, but also allow you to review quickly and effectively, and at the same time bring you greater benefits. (5) I know a man who has been a manager of a very large insurance company for fifteen years.He reads the insurance policy issued by the company every month, and he reads the same insurance policy every month and every year.What is he doing it for?Because experience told him that was the only way to make him remember the terms of the insurance policy. At one point, I spent almost two years writing a book on oratory.I found that I had to reread the manuscript repeatedly in order to memorize the contents of the manuscript clearly. Therefore, if you want to gain real and lasting benefits from this book, you can't just read it once and think it's enough.After you have read this book in detail, you should set aside a certain amount of time each month to review it, and at the same time put it on your desk and read it from time to time.Don't forget that only long-term and in-depth review can make the application of these principles a habit. (6) George Bernard Shaw once said: "If you teach a man something, he will never learn it." What Shaw said is right Learning is an automatic process. So, if you are going to use the principles studied in this book with ease, you should use them whenever you have the opportunity.If you don't do this, you will quickly forget what you read in the book-the reason is that the knowledge you have used will remain in your mind deeply. You may feel that it is difficult to find these principles to implement anytime and anywhere.Yes, I feel that way too, because at the time of writing this book I found it difficult to implement what I suggested. I can find an example of this... When people make you unhappy, it is much easier to criticize and blame than to understand the other person's point of view.That is to say, it is much easier to find fault with others than it is for me to find praiseworthy things about them.It also seems much more natural to talk about your own needs than about the other person's needs.So when you read this book, don't forget that you not only want to acquire the knowledge in the book, but also develop your new habits.You are trying a new way of life, and it takes time, persistence, and daily implementation. So you should read this book often, and regard this book as a practical manual on how to communicate between people.Whenever, if you have a particular problem - such as how to manage children ... how to get a wife to obey you ... .How to Satisfy an Angry Customer!These are some things that often come across. When you open this book and try to do one of the suggestions, you will find miraculous discoveries if you don’t want to go. (7) This may be a novel and outstanding attempt. When your wife, children, or colleagues find out that you have violated a certain principle, you might as well pay them a dime or a dollar as a fine for your own punishment. (8) A manager of a highly reputable bank on Wall Street once gave a speech in my workshop and told how he achieved a very effective way to improve himself.The bank manager, with only a short formal schooling, is now one of the most respected financial managers in America.He believes that his achievements today are due to the method he conceived by himself, and the following is his approach.I will now tell you what the manager said at the time: Over the years, I have kept a date book where I keep track of all my appointments.My family never takes care of me on Sunday 6. Make an appointment; the reason is that they know that I will use some time on Saturday night to do self-reflection and inspiration.After dinner that night, I was alone in a room, looking through my appointment book, recalling the meetings, discussions, and gatherings that had passed through this week, and I asked myself: "That time, I did something wrong. ． 』 "What is the right thing to do -- how can I improve myself? 』 "What did I learn from that experience? 』 I find it unpleasant to do this weekly introspection, but I'm often surprised by my own mistakes.After several years in this way, these errors gradually decreased, and finally no longer occurred.Now, after such self-reflection, I sometimes find comfort in myself. This method of self-analysis, self-education, continued year after year, has been more beneficial to me than any other method I have tried. This approach has helped me improve my decision making and has greatly benefited me in my dealings with people. " Why not review your implementation of the principles in this book in a similar way to the bank manager?If you do this, there are two outcomes: First, you will find yourself engaging in an interesting and valuable educational lesson. Second, you will find that your ability to deal with people is gradually stretching and growing. (9) You might as well add a notebook... Record the results of your implementation of these principles in this notebook, write it clearly, and write down the date, effect, and the name of the other party.Using such a notebook can motivate you to work harder... These records are interesting and meaningful work. In order for you to benefit more from this book, you must: 1. To develop a deep, forward, and comfortable application of the principles of human relations. 2. Before you read the next chapter, read this chapter carefully twice. 3. As you read, stop and ask yourself how you can implement each of the suggestions in this book. 4. Add some symbols next to the important words and sentences. 5. Review this book on a monthly basis. 6. Whenever you have the opportunity, implement these principles, and regard this book as a "useful manual" to help you solve your daily encounters The problem. 7. Whenever your friend discovers that you have violated one of these principles, give him a dime or a dollar.treat your learning as a fun game. 8. Review once a week.Jiao asked you what mistakes you have made, what areas need to be improved, and what to do in the future. 9. Add a notepad and write down when and how you apply these principles.