Chapter 5 Chapter 2 The Great Secret of Getting Along with People

There is only one way in the world to make anyone do anything. Have you ever calmed down and thought about it?Yes, there is only one way, and that is to make people willing to do that thing. Remember, there is no other way --. Of course, you can hold a revolver to a man's chest, and that man will obediently give you his watch.You can use the threat of firing -- before you turn around -- to get a hired person to work with you.You can also whip, or intimidate, a child to do what you want him to do.But these clumsy methods have extremely adverse reactions The only way I can tell you to do anything is to give you what you need.

What do you want? Dr. "Freud", one of the most prestigious psychologists in Vienna in the twentieth century, once said: Everything you and I do originates from two motives, that is sexual impulse, and The desire to be great. A well-known American philosopher, Professor Dewey, has a slightly different opinion on the words and sentences used above.Dr. Dewey said: The deepest impulse in human nature is "the desire to be important". It is very important to remember the phrase "the desire to be important". You will learn a lot from this book Words about this sentence.

What do you want?There are not many things, but the few things you really need, you can't refuse and insist on pursuing.Pretty much every normal adult wants to-- 1. Protection of health and life. Two, food. Three, sleep. 4. Money, and what money can buy. Five, the future of life. Sixth, the satisfaction of sexual life. 7. The health of the children. Eight, a sense of self-respect. Almost all of these desires can be satisfied, but one of them, like food and sleep, is deep and seldom satisfied, and that is what Freud called "the desire to be a great man."That is, as Dewey said, "the desire to be important."

Lincoln once began a letter by saying, "Everybody likes to be flattered." Willie James said the same thing: "The deepest part of human nature is the desire to be valued." He didn't mean " Hope, or "desire", or "desire", but "desire" is valued by people. This is a painful human "hunger" that needs to be solved urgently. If you can sincerely satisfy this inner hunger, you can hold people in the palm of your hand. The desire to seek a sense of self-respect is an important difference between humans and animals.There is such an example.I was a farm boy in Missouri at the time, and my father raised a fine breed of pig and a breed of white faced cattle.We used to display our hogs and white faced cattle at livestock shows, and we won the first prize dozens of times.

My father put the medal with blue ribbon on a white cloth with a needle. When relatives and friends came to our house, my father would take out this white cloth. I held this end, and he held the other end. The blue ribbon of the first prize, let relatives and friends come to watch. Pigs and cows don't care about the blue belts they won, but my father attaches great importance to them, because these prizes have brought him a sense of "self-respect". If our ancestors did not have this fiery impulse of "self-esteem", we would not have culture, just like other animals.

It's this desire for self-importance that motivates a poor, poorly educated clerk in a grocer to rummage through a barrel full of groceries for the few law books he's bought for nickels , determined to study.You may have heard of the clerk at the grocery store, whose name is "Lincoln." This desire for self-respect inspired Dickens to write his immortal masterpiece.This desire for self-respect led Warren to complete his design.At the same time, because of this desire for self-respect, Rockefeller accumulated more money than he could spend in his lifetime.It is this desire that makes the richest man in your city build as big a house as he needs.

This desire can make you wear the latest clothes, drive the most beautiful car, and talk about your smart children It is this desire that turns many youngsters into thieves.Former Police Commissioner Maroney, he once said: "The average young criminal today, full of blind pursuit of fame, asks first of all after being arrested, to read the kind of low-class newspaper that writes them as heroes. All he needs is to see his own picture , Just like when celebrities like Einstein, Lindbergh, Toscany, or Roosevelt took up space in the newspaper, he didn’t even think about going into the torture chamber and sitting in the electric chair.”

If you tell me how you got your sense of self-respect, I can tell you who you are; defining your character is the most important thing to you.Now there are such examples.Rockefeller donated money to build a state-of-the-art hospital in Beiping, China, caring for many poor people he has never met and will never meet, thereby gaining his sense of self-respect On the other hand, Dillinger is also satisfying his sense of self-respect by being a bandit, robbing a bank, and killing people.When the police searched for him, Dillink ran into someone's farmhouse... He was so proud of being Public Enemy No. It's Dillink!"

Yes, the biggest difference between Dilinke and Rockefeller lies in how they gain their own sense of self-respect. History is full of interesting examples of famous people struggling with their sense of self-esteem.Even Washington was willing to be called the supreme President of the United States; Columbus asked the royal family for the titles of "Admiral of the Sea" and "Governor of India"; Queen Catherine refused to open letters that did not call her "Her Majesty"; In the White House, Mrs. Lincoln yelled at Mrs. Grant like a tigress: "How dare you sit in front of me before I invite you!"

There are some millionaires who sponsored General "Bate" to go to the Antarctic expedition, with a condition that many icebergs need to use their names.And that "Fugu" even wanted to change Paris to his name. People will deliberately feign illness in order to gain sympathy, attention, and a sense of "importance."For example, Mrs. McKinley, who forced her husband, the president of the United States, to put aside the important affairs of the country and ask him to lean on her bed, hug her, and comfort her to sleep, which took hours at a time. Mrs. McKinley borrowed This gives her a sense of self-esteem.

Mrs. McKinley insisted that McKinley accompany her during her dental treatment, thereby satisfying her desire to be noticed when her dental pain was treated.Once McKinley had an appointment with Qianghai and had to leave her alone at the dentist, which caused her to lose her temper. Mrs. Lynhart once told me about a young, able woman who pretended to be a patient in order to gain a sense of self-respect.Mrs. Lynhart said: "One day, this woman had to face a fact...perhaps because of her age, the fact that she would never be able to marry, thinking that the lonely old age would unfold in front of her, and the hopeful There are too few things.” Mrs. Lynhart said: "She was lying in bed for ten years. Her elderly mother went up and down three floors every day, holding a plate to serve her. One day, the elderly mother was exhausted. , and finally fell to the ground and died, the patient on the bed, after several weeks of depression, she dressed and got up, and the disease on her body disappeared.” Some experts claim that... people may really go crazy in order to find in the illusion of madness a sense of self-respect that cannot be obtained in the cold real world.In American hospitals, there are more mental illnesses than all other illnesses combined.If you're over fifteen years old and live in New York State, you have a one-in-twentieth chance of spending more than seven years in an asylum in your lifetime. What is the cause of insanity? No one can answer that general question, but I know of a number of diseases... like venereal diseases, which destroy and damage brain cells, resulting in insanity.In fact, more than half of all mental illnesses can be attributed to such physiological reasons, Such as brain injury, drunkenness, poisoning, and other injuries. But the other half... that's the scary part... the other half who's crazy, obviously, there's nothing pathological in his brain mechanism.After his death, the anatomical examination used the highest performance microscope to study his brain cell organization, and found that his brain cells were completely as healthy as ours. Why are these people insane? I recently put that question to an attending physician in an insane asylum who won him the highest honors for his extensive knowledge of psychopathology.He literally told me that he didn't know how people could get insane.But he explained it like this...Many insane people, in his madness, found a sense of self-respect that could not be obtained in the real world.This doctor, he told me a true story. "I have a patient now. Her marriage is a tragedy. She needs love, children, and social prestige. But the real life does not give her the hope in her dreams. Her husband does not love her, and even refuses to accept her. Dined with her, and her husband forced her to serve him in the upstairs room. She had no children, no social status. Finally caused her insanity, and now in her mad dreams, divorced from her husband, recovered She had taken her maiden name. She believed herself now, married to the British royal family; and insisted on being called Mrs. Smith. As for the child she wanted, she now had one in her fantasy.Every time I went to see her, she said, 'Doctor, I had a baby last night. "" Is the story tragic?I have no idea.The doctor said to me: "If I could reach out my hand and heal and restore her sobriety, I would not do that. She now seems to have the happiness she really wanted." On the whole, people who are mentally disturbed seem to be happier than you and me.Since many people take pleasure in madness, why should they not?They have solved their problem….They can easily write a million dollar check to you.Or give you a letter of introduction to meet a famous person.In the dreams they create, they can find the sense of self-respect they desire. If someone is so desperate for a sense of self-respect, and even really becomes insane just to get it, imagine if you give him sincere praise before he is crazy, then your and my achievements will be born again. What kind of miracle? As far as I know: in history, there are only two people with an annual salary of one million yuan, that "Chrysler" and "Swab". Why did "Endy Carnegie" pay Schwab an annual salary of one million yuan, or more than three thousand yuan a day?why? grace.Carnegie paid Schwab an annual salary of one million yuan. Is that because Schwab is an outstanding genius?No, it is not.Is that because Schwab has special expertise in steel manufacturing?No, it is not. Schwab once told me that there are many people who work under him who know more about steel manufacturing than he does.Schwab's high salary is due to his special ability to treat people.I asked him how he did it and here is what he told me... These words should be engraved on a bronze plaque that can be kept forever, and this bronze plaque should be hung in every home, school, store, and office in the country.These words should be recited when we are children... If we can really follow those words, our way of life will be completely different from the past. Schwab said: "I think that I have the ability to arouse their enthusiasm in the crowd. That is the greatest resource I have... The way I fully develop everyone's talents is to use praise and encouragement!" He also said: "The easiest thing in the world to destroy a person's ambition is the criticism given by his boss. I never criticize anyone, I only give people incentives to work. I am eager to praise, but late to find fault, If there is one thing I like, it is sincerity in praise and generosity in praise.” That's what Si Huabo usually does, and it's the opposite of ordinary people.Most people don't like something, they will try their best to find faults, if they really like it, they will not say a word. Schwab said again: "In my life's vast contacts and meetings with famous people from all over the world, I have not found a single person. When you are criticized, you are more able to accomplish great things.” Yes, what he said is a remarkable reason for the astonishing achievement of "Side Carnegie".Sidi.Carnegie praised his colleagues not privately but publicly. Sidi.Carnegie even praised his assistants on his tombstone.Here is the inscription he wrote for himself: "Buried here is a man who knew how to get along with people wiser than himself." Sincere appreciation is the secret of Rockefeller's success in treating people.For example, there is such a case... When one of his partners, Bedford, mishandled a wrong transaction in South America and cost the company a million dollars, Rockefeller did not criticize him at all, or blame. He knew that Bedford had done his best, and the matter was over.So Rockwell found something to praise. He congratulated Bedford, fortunately he saved 60% of his investment.Rockefeller said: "That's not bad, we don't do everything to our liking." Siegfried, the most astonishingly successful musical theater star on Broadway.Known for his skill in making American girls so famous, he has repeatedly transformed a very unremarkable woman that people don't want to take a second look into a mysterious and alluring stunner on the stage. Siegfried was very practical. He increased the salaries of showgirls from thirty yuan a week to one hundred and seventy-five yuan.He also valued his loyalty. On the opening night of the Follies musical, he sent a congratulatory message to the stars of the play, and presented a beautiful rose to each singing girl who performed. Once I was so fascinated by the "popular" hunger strike that I went without food for six days and nights.That situation was not difficult, and on the sixth day I seemed to be less hungry than on the second day.But you and I both know that if someone keeps his family members, or his employees, without food for six days, he commits a crime.And yet they will go six days, six weeks, or sixty years without the compliments that family members or employees expect, like food. Back then, when "Alphalit Lund" played the leading role in the play "Coincidence of Vienna", he once said: "The thing I need most is the nourishment of my self-esteem." We take care of the nourishment our children, friends, and employees need in their bodies, but how little we give them the nourishment they need for their self-esteem.We gave them steak, potatoes, etc. to build up their physical strength, but we neglected to give them praise and those kind words. Some readers, seeing these lines, might say something like this: "It's corny, flattery, flattery, flattery, I've tried it all, and it doesn't work at all. . . . useless." Of course, flattery can't fool sensible people, it's superficial, selfish, hypocritical, it should fail, and Often have to fail.However, some people need appreciation, appreciation from the heart, simply too much. Here is an example: Why did the Deveney brothers, who have been married many times, have such a ostentatious success in marriage?Why did these two so-called "boyfriends" the Deveney brothers marry two beautiful movie stars, a famous opera star, and another multi-millionaire Hatton?What is the reason?how do they do it St. John in the Liberty magazine said: "Divine's charm for women has been in people's hearts for many years. a mystery..." He added: "Nigre, a woman who recognizes men and is an artist, once explained to me, 'They understand the art of flattery, of flattery, more successfully than anyone else I've ever seen. The flattery Art, in this era of real humor, is almost a thing that people forget, and Divine's charm for women may lie in this." " The difference between admiration and flattery is... that's easy to spot, admiration is genuine, flattery is hypocritical.One from the heart, one from the mouth -- one is unselfish, one is selfish.One is admired by people, and the other is shameless and discarded. I recently went to the "Guilbert Iron Peak" officer in Mexico City and saw a bust of General "O'Brien" General.Underneath the bust is engraved the famous words of General Oberlegan: "Fear not the enemy who attacks you, beware of the friend who flatters you." No!No!I'm not asking people to flatter or flatter, that's a far cry. I'm talking about a way of life, a new way. King George V had a set of six maxims that hung on the wall of his study at Buckingham Palace.One of them said, "Teach me not to flatter or accept mean compliments." "Humble praise" is the interpretation of "flattery".I once saw a sentence about flattery, which is worth writing here. It is "flattery is to tell others clearly that he thinks of himself." Liv Walter.Emerson said: "You use any language, but what you want to say is always inseparable from your own." If all we have to do is use flattery and flattery, then anyone can learn it and become an expert in "human relations". Ninety-five percent of our time is spent thinking about ourselves when we are not thinking about some definite problem.But now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a moment and start thinking about the good points of others, we don't have to use mean and hypocritical words, and we can already detect false flattery before the words are spoken. Emerson also said: "Everyone I meet has something better than me, and I will learn from his good things." Emerson's views are very correct and deserve our attention.Stop thinking about our own achievements and needs, let us study the strengths of others, forget about flattery and flattery, and give people free and sincere appreciation.What people say to you will be valued and cherished, and they will be recited for life... Even if you have forgotten this matter for a long time; but he still remembers what you said firmly. Offer your real, sincere appreciation.