Chapter 4 The first basic skills of dealing with people Chapter One If you want to harvest honey, don't kick the hive

On May 7, 1931, the people of New York saw a horrific round-up fight that had never been seen before!The murderer is a criminal who does not smoke or drink, is known as "Two Guns" and is called "Crowley".He was surrounded and trapped in West End Street - his lover's apartment. One hundred and fifty police and security personnel surrounded Crowley in his hiding place on the top floor of his apartment.They dug a hole in the roof and tried to smoke out the murderer Crowley with tear gas.The police personnel had placed machine guns on nearby buildings. After more than an hour, this originally quiet residential area in New York City heard bursts of shocking machine guns and pistols.Crowley hid behind a chair full of debris, and shot at the police officers one after another with a short gun in his hand.Tens of thousands of people, with excitement and excitement, watched this scene of police and robber fighting.Anyone who has lived in New York for a long time knows that there has never been such an accident.

When Crowley was arrested, Police Superintendent "Maronan" pointed out: This mob is the most dangerous criminal in the history of New York City.The police chief added: "Crowley kills like he chops an onion...: he will be sentenced to death!" But what kind of person does "Two Guns" Crowley think he is?When police officers rounded up the apartment where he was hiding, Crowley wrote an open letter, bleeding from a wound while writing it, leaving his blood on the paper!Crowley's letter reads: "Under my clothes, is a weary heart—a kind heart, a heart that would not hurt anyone."

Shortly before this incident, Crowley was driving on a Long Island road, flirting with a female partner.Suddenly a policeman walked up to his parked car and said, "Let me see your driver's license." Without saying a word, Crowley drew his pistol and fired several shots at the policeman, who finally fell dead.Then Crowley jumped out of the car, picked up the police pistol, and fired another shot at the body on the ground.This is what Crowley said: "Under my clothes, is a weary heart -- a kind heart, a heart that would not hurt anyone." Crowley was sentenced to death in the electric chair. When he walked into the torture chamber, you think he would say, "This is what I get for killing people and doing evil?" No, he said, "I did it because I wanted to defend myself. That's why."

The implication of this story is that "Two Guns" Crowley does not blame himself at all. Is that a common attitude among criminals?If you think so, listen to these words again: "I gave people the best years of my life to be happy, to live comfortably, and all I got was insults, a hunted man." That's what "Carbon" said. He is America's Public Enemy No. 1, the most vicious gangster in Chicago.However, he considered himself a man of benefit to the masses--a man who was not appreciated and who was misunderstood. "Hughes" said as much before Newark was shot down.In interviews with journalists, he said that he was a man of benefit to the masses.In fact, he was a heinous criminal in New York.

I once had an interesting correspondence with the person in charge of "Star Prison" "Walley Laws".He said: "In the "Star Prison", very few criminals admit that they are bad people. Their human nature is just like you and me. They have such insights and explanations.They'll tell you why they broke open safes, or shoot guns after another, or even justify their anti-social reality, and insist they shouldn't be imprisoned. " If Capone, Two Guns Crowley, Hughes, and the thugs in prison don't blame themselves at all, and blame themselves... what about the people you and I come into contact with?

The late Warner Meg once admitted: "Thirty years ago I realized that it is foolish to blame people. Even if I don't complain that God has not distributed intelligence evenly, I have already felt that I have restrained my shortcomings. It was very exhausting." Warner Meg learned this lesson very early, but I myself walked blindly in this ancient world for more than thirty years before I suddenly realized it... Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, no one would Criticize himself for anything, no matter how wrong. Criticism is useless, because it adds a layer of defense and tries to defend oneself.Criticism is also dangerous. It can hurt a person's self-esteem and sense of self-esteem, and provoke him to rebel.

Soldiers in the German army were not allowed to complain or criticize immediately after a certain incident happened.He needs to go to sleep full of resentment until his resentment disappears.If he appeals immediately, he will be punished.In our daily life, it seems that there is a need for such a regularity - just like whining and complaining parents, chattering wives, scolding and scolding bosses... and those who are critical and annoying. From thousands of pages of history, you can find many, many examples where "criticism" has no effect.The famous debate between Roosevelt and President Taft:. ...the debate that split the Republican Party got Wilson into the White House, put him in the World War,

It left behind brave and glorious historical relics, and also changed the trend of history. Let's quickly recap the situation: When Roosevelt left the White House in 1908, he made Taft president and went hunting lions in Africa himself.When he came back, the situation happened. He accused Taft of being conservative, wanted to be re-elected for a third term, and organized the "Bolmes Party".This all but destroyed the Republican Party.At the time of that election, Taft and the Republican Party had only received sponsorship from two states—Fermont and Yuto. This was the biggest failure of the Republican Party.

Roosevelt blamed Taft, but did Taft blame himself?of course not.With tears in his eyes, Tufte said, "I don't know how to do it differently than what I've done." Who exactly did it wrong?I don't know about this situation, and I don't need to care about it.But what I want to point out is that all of Roosevelt's criticisms did not make Taft himself feel wrong.That only made Tufte defend himself as hard as he could, repeatedly saying, with tears in his eyes, "I don't know how to do it differently than what I've done." Do you remember the Tiebaotuo, Tom's kerosene fraud case?It outraged public opinion for years and shook the country! Never in anyone's memory has anything like it happened in American official life.

Here are the facts of this Chun fraud case: Hal Xintuo.Fall, President Harding's Secretary of the Interior, appointed him to be in charge of the government's leasing of the "Elk" Mountain and the Tepetro oil field reservation.That oil field is reserved for the government to prepare oil for future naval use. Is Fall an open bid?No, that's not the case. Fore simply gave this lucrative contract to his friend "Tuhaini".What about Tuheni?He gave Secretary Fall what he would call a "debt" of one hundred thousand dollars. Fall then used his high-handed tactics by ordering the US Navy into the area to drive out those competitors whose adjacent oil wells were sucking up Elk Hill's wealth.The competitors on the reservation were chased away by guns and swords, but they were not reconciled, and ran into the court to expose Tie Paotuo's fraud case of US$100 million.After this incident happened, the impact was so bad that it almost destroyed the entire administration of President Harding, and the whole country was in an uproar and unanimously hated;

Fore was terribly reprimanded--in official life, few people have been reprimanded like this!Does he regret it?No, not at all! It was a few years later when Hoover suggested in a public speech that President Harding's death had been caused by nerve irritation and inner anxiety that a friend had betrayed him.Fall's wife, who was also present at the time, jumped out of her seat immediately after hearing this.She burst into tears, clenched her fists tightly, and said loudly, "What... Harding was betrayed by Fall? No, my husband has never failed anyone. Even though this room is full of gold, I will not tempt my husband to do bad things. He was blamed by others, and he went to the execution ground and was crucified." In this situation, you can understand that the natural nature of human beings is to only blame others for doing wrong things, but never blame themselves, and each of us is like this.So when you and I are going to criticize someone tomorrow, think about people like Capone, Crowley, and Fall. Criticism is like reared pigeons, they always fly home.We need to understand that the person we correct or condemn will also defend himself and condemn us in turn.Like gentle Taft, he would say, "I don't know how Doing so can be different from what I have done. " On Saturday morning, April 15, 1865, Lincoln lay in the bedroom of a humble apartment.The apartment was across from the Ford Theater where he had been sniped.Lincoln's slender body lay on a short, sunken bed. Along the wall was a reproduction of Bonham's "Horses Show." bright. As Lincoln lay dying, Secretary of War Stanton said, "There lies the most perfect head of state that ever lived." What is the secret of Lincoln's success in dealing with people?I spent about ten years researching Lincoln's life, and at the same time I spent three years writing a book about him. I titled this book "A Side of Lincoln That People Don't Know" ". I believe I have exhausted my research on Lincoln's personality, and his family life, as far as any human being can do.I also found out about Lincoln's way of treating people and did special research.Did Lincoln indulge criticism?Yes, when he was a young man, in Pigeon Creek, Indiana; he not only criticized, but wrote letters and poems to ridicule people, and he threw the written verses in the street where they were sure to be picked up, Among them was a letter that aroused a lifelong ill feeling towards him. After Lincoln was admitted as a lawyer in Springfield, Illinois, he also published his manuscripts in the newspapers, publicly attacking those who opposed him, but he only did such a thing once. In the fall of 1842, Lincoln ridiculed a pompous and combative Irish politician called "Shields."Lincoln published an anonymous letter satirizing him in the Springfield newspaper, which made the town roar with laughter.Shields was usually sensitive and proud, and this incident aroused his inner rage.When he found out who had written the letter, he jumped on his horse, and immediately went to Lincoln and challenged him to a duel. Lincoln was usually unwilling to fight and opposed dueling, but he couldn't avoid it for his own sake.His opponent Shields left him to choose his own weapon.Lincoln's two arms are particularly long, so he chose the broadsword used by the cavalry. He studied knife fighting with a graduate of the West Point Military Academy.On the appointed day, he and Shields were on the banks of the Mississippi River, ready to fight to the death, but at the last minute the duel was prevented by their helpers on both sides. That was the most amazing and terrible thing for Lincoln.But this incident taught Lincoln an invaluable lesson in the art of dealing with people.He will never write insulting letters again, and will never laugh at others again.From then on, he almost never criticized anyone for anything. During the American Civil War, Lincoln repeatedly appointed new generals to lead the "Potomac" army, but each of them suffered a painful defeat...which made Lincoln pace the room alone with a disappointed and heavy heart.Almost half of the people in the country accused these incompetent generals in an uproar, but Lincoln maintained his peaceful attitude.One of his favorite mottos is - "Judge not, lest you be judged". When Lincoln's wife and others spoke harshly about the Southerners, Lincoln always replied, "Don't criticize them. We would be like them in the same situation." However, if anyone had a chance to criticize, it was Lincoln, as illustrated in the following example: On the night of the Fourth of July, Southern General "Lee" began to retreat southward.At that time, the country was flooded with rain. When "Lee" led the defeated army to Potomac, he saw that the river was swollen ahead of him, making it impossible for them to pass, while the victorious coalition army was behind. "Lee" and his army were in a dilemma and under siege. Lincoln knew that this was an excellent opportunity to capture "Lee"'s army and immediately end the war.Full of hope, Lincoln ordered Meate to attack Lee's army immediately without calling a council of war.Lincoln first telegraphed the order and then sent an envoy to demand immediate action from Meat. But what about General Mitt?The actions Meate took were contrary to Lincoln's orders.He called a council of war, violated Lincoln's orders, and hesitated to delay it.Mitt used various excuses to reply to the call, but in fact he refused to attack the "Li" army.At last the river receded, and "Lee" and his army escaped the Potomac. "What is Mitt's intention in doing this?" Lincoln was furious when he found out about this.Lincoln exclaimed to his son Robert: "My God, what does this mean...?" The "Lee" army is already in our hands, as long as you stretch out your hand, they are ours...In that case, any But the generals were able to lead troops to defeat "Li". If I went by myself, I would have already captured him. " In deep disappointment, Lincoln wrote a letter to Mitt!During this period of Lincoln's life, he was extremely conservative and his words were very cautious. Therefore, in 1863, this letter from Lincoln's handwriting should be the most severe rebuke.The content of Lincoln's letter is as follows-- Dear General: I don't believe you can comprehend the unfortunate incidents caused by "Li" leaving, and the important relationship.He is already within our easy grasp, and his capture, combined with our recent victories elsewhere, would immediately end this war. But judging from the current situation, the war will continue indefinitely.You couldn't successfully attack the "Li" army last Monday, how can you attack him again... I don't expect you to have much success now, because you have let the golden It hurts me so much that the opportunity for price has gone away. According to your guess, what will happen to Mitt when he reads this letter? But Meat never saw that letter because Lincoln didn't send it.The letter was discovered from Lincoln's files after his death. I have this idea - it's just my guess.After Lincoln wrote this letter, he looked out the window and muttered to himself: "Wait a minute, maybe I can't be in such a hurry, I'm sitting here in the quiet of the White House, and ordering Mitt to attack, it's a piece of cake, but if I get to Geddesbury, I'll see Mitt last week Seeing so much blood, my ears also heard the cries and groans of the dead and wounded, maybe I would not rush to attack the "Lee" army... If I had the same cowardly personality as Mitt, maybe I Do it, exactly as he did. Now it's done and irrevocable, and if I send this letter, it will certainly relieve me of the unhappiness of my heart, but Met will also defend himself.In that case he would reprimand me, arouse his dislike for me, and damage his future effectiveness as commander, and even force him to resign from the army. " After what I imagined happened, Lincoln didn't send the letter, so he put it aside.Because Lincoln knew from painful experience that sharp criticism, reprimand, and criticism will never be effective. President Roosevelt once said that when he was president and encountered difficult problems, he would lean back his seat, raise his head, and look at the large portrait of Lincoln on the wall of the desk. .He asked himself, "What would Lincoln do if he were in the situation I am facing? How would he solve this problem..." When we want to criticize someone in the future, let us take a five-dollar bill out of our pocket, look at the picture of Lincoln on the bill, and ask ourselves, "If this happened to Lincoln, how would he do it?" How to deal with it?" Do you want someone you know to change, adjust, or improve?Yes, that is the best.But why not start with yourself?From a selfish standpoint, it is far more profitable to start with yourself than to improve others. "When a man's arguments, his arguments, are his own," says Bowning, "he is in several respects unusual." When I was young, I wanted people to know me very much. I once wrote a letter to a writer with a very negative reputation in the American literary world. His name was "Davis". , writing about literary writers, so I asked Davis to tell me about his method of writing. A few weeks later, I received a letter with this line attached: "The letter was dictated and not reread."After seeing these two sentences, it caught my attention. I believe that the person who wrote this letter must be a big man who is busy with affairs, but I am not busy at all.However, I was eager to attract the attention of the great writer Davis. After I wrote a short reply letter, I also added the following sentence: "The letter is dictated and has not been reread." Davis didn't bother to write back to me, so he just returned my letter, but there were a few words scrawled underneath: "Your attitude cannot be more disrespectful." Yes, I did something wrong, maybe I deserved that reprimand.However, due to human nature, this makes me deeply hate, and I have extreme resentment towards him.Even ten years later.When I heard the news of Davis' death, I still hated him deeply.But I am ashamed to admit that it is the scar he gave me. If you were going to stir up a resentment tomorrow and make people hate you for ten years, until they die, we can let some irritating criticism. When we are dealing with a human being, we should remember that we are not dealing with theoretical animals but with emotional animals. And criticism is a dangerous fuse--a fuse that explodes the powder keg of self-respect and, sometimes, kills a person.There is such an example: General Hoot was criticized by people and was not allowed to lead troops to France. The blow to his self-esteem almost shortened his life. Harsh criticism once made the keen Hardy...he is the best novelist in the British literary world...and made him, forever, give up the courage to write novels. Franklin was not smart when he was young, but he later became a man of great artifice and skill in dealing with people, and even served as the US ambassador to France.The secret of his success is: "I don't say bad things about anyone!" He also said: "I say good things about everyone I know!" Any stupid person will criticize, reprimand, and complain about others. At the same time, most stupid people do this. But if you want to forgive and understand, you need to work hard on character and self-denial. Carlyle once said: "The greatness of a great man is shown by how he treats a humble man." As Dr. Johnson said: "God does not intend to judge people until the end!" Why do you and I criticize people? Don't criticize, blame or complain.