Chapter 25 Part Two: Thinking about the "Prestige School Complex" and stay with yourself

Invited by Shell Petroleum Company, I went to London to attend a reception on weekends and visited my classmates who were studying in LSE.Compared with Cambridge, London is much larger and more prosperous.A girl from Shanghai who was studying in Oxford sighed: Compared with London, Oxford is simply a rural area.She likes to be lively, and many people do, so London makes them happy.But I always feel that cities like London, Shanghai, and Hong Kong are too similar—they are too big and have too many people, so there is an ambiguous and indifferent distance between all objects.My classmates and I walked on the busiest streets in London, from Bond Street, Oxford Street, to Piccadilly. The crowds, the noisy environment, and the strong sense of materiality everywhere made me very tired.Walking among the tallest and densest buildings in the world, I actually felt an indescribable sense of loneliness in my heart.The subway in London is full of people from all over the world, which reminds me of the situation of taking the subway every day when I was an intern in Hong Kong when I was in college.At that time, I often thought: How strange it is that these people around me and I are so close physically, yet so alienated in thought.The tense and busy urban life makes people unable to arrange their own rhythm of life; the external body is constantly on the go, but they have no time to take care of the needs of the soul.Really, these international cities that excite many people actually make me feel flustered.Ended the trip early and hurried back to Cambridge.As soon as I got off the train, my heart felt at ease immediately.

My life here is really simple.Wake up in the morning to the crisp chirping of birds, and make your own breakfast: oatmeal with milk and bananas, apples, yogurt, toast with jam on the plate, a cup of coffee or Ceylon black tea.Then walk 30 minutes to class.Chinese food is either eaten at the college or bought coffee sandwiches outside.For dinner, I usually cook Chinese food by myself.In my spare time, I read books or listen to music.By the way, there is also a very good language center here, which has books and video materials in various foreign languages. I often go to review French.Cambridge is just a very small town, so everything is within walking distance.I often meet acquaintances on the road, and saying hello is also a kind of warmth and kindness.The most important thing is that Cambridge has beautiful natural scenery and profound historical heritage, which can stabilize my mind.

The days when I first came here were sunny every day, but recently it has often rained.The UK is a typical island country with a fickle climate - from clear skies to cloudy clouds to heavy rain in a day is a blink of an eye.So there are people who wear everything on the street——in winter, there are fierce people who wear short sleeves and show their navels. In summer, there are also people who love themselves and put on cold clothes as soon as it is windy outside.So the British juxtaposed these kinds of things to form an allegorical saying: British nature, childish face, woman's heart (of course this is what men say) --- change as you say.I remember that on the day I came back from London, I encountered light rain, hail, clear sky and clear clouds.It's also a unique experience.It's just that in early winter, once it rains, it will be particularly wet and cold.Since the daylight saving time was changed back last week, it has started to get dark at four o'clock in the afternoon. It is said that in a week or two, it will be completely dark at three o'clock in the afternoon.I'm originally a very climate-affected person, and gloomy weather can make me feel lonely and restless for no apparent reason.Learning to adapt now.In the cold, I can feel the beauty of warmth: when I walk to the door these days, I can feel the warmth of the spring breeze; the cup of coffee in my hand these days can not only relieve fatigue, but also warm my stomach; When I eat these days, I feel the heat pouring into my body continuously, and every bite of rice is extraordinarily delicious.

In the evening, return to one's hut.Put on a CD of good Irish music, and let the clear and clear music like water droplets wrap yourself, and feel at ease.Under the faint light, make a cup of tea, spread a piece of paper, and hold a pen.People who write, as long as they have a pen and paper in their hands, their hearts will calm down, and they will become their own world, a world where they can do whatever they want, a world where they don’t have to be with anyone they don’t like. The world makes people feel very clean.In this ambiguous time between late night and early morning, I am calm and sharp, and I can do some lonely but interesting things.No matter how tired I am, in music and words, I will be like a sun-dried vegetable, soaked in clear water, and slowly fill up.I am a very simple person, so being alone can also have such a quiet sweetness.On the phone, I said to my mother: Far away, I am a good girl...

It’s interesting to think about it. When I was a child, I always hoped to grow up early. When I grow up, I can let go of my courage and do everything that children are not allowed to do: go to bed without brushing my teeth at night or stay out all night, and all the vigor and high-spirited life that children feel.But when I really grow up, I learn to restrain myself. Living alone, I don’t need to abide by other people’s rules, but sometimes my own inner rules are stricter. It's been a while since I've been to Cambridge.When the initial novelty slowly wears off and life gradually becomes more regular, people will inevitably face loneliness.I know that a young oriental woman always gets more attention here, foreign and domestic.But that's just someone else's business.Life in Cambridge is not lonely. There are excellent men and women from all over the world, and there are countless banquets and parties.The gathering place is often a small United Nations.So many full-bodied youths meet here, every day there is encounter and parting, every day has a beginning and an end, every day is sweet and sad, every day there is longing and nostalgia... what you see is lovers hugging and kissing each other, watching Less than that, each has a different story.Living here, it is almost impossible to refuse a relationship with a foreign country.Whether it is the hunter or the hunted, it is impossible to resist the spread and escape of the fire of love.Although it is difficult to bring the love of another country home, and it is not easy to take root, it doesn't matter to accompany him for a while, and love for a short time.People believe that it is better to have loved than not to love, and this is a place where it is easy to let your emotions run wild.

A friend tentatively asked: There is always someone I like.I just laughed and said yes, always have.I have been obsessively in love with Monkey King in the movie since I was a child, but it is a pity that he is a monkey, doomed to hopeless love, terribly.He called me a big cunning, what did I say, I am a big infatuation, I would rather like a Chinese monkey than a foreign gentleman. I am no longer a child, and I am beginning to understand that falling in love is definitely a manifestation of the ability to love.Childhood love is simple, like two wild horses meeting on the grassland in spring, emotional things happen naturally according to their temperament.

--how much do you love me? ——It's like rolling on the grass with a bear in the spring. --how much do you love me? —until all the tigers in the forest melted into butter. I was also really romantic back then.Haruki Murakami's sentence once won my heart.When I was young, I told my mother that my love must be earth-shattering at first sight, that's called amazingness, and that's called fate.My mother smiled and told me a lot while chopping vegetables and beating eggs.Slow flow?Plain?I am surprised, how can this work?I thought that love should be a thing that makes people want to die.Whether it is success or failure, everyone must think that their love is the most special and touching in the world, otherwise, who would have the courage to share a bed with a stranger, and sleep for many years?

At that time, I wished I could get married at the age of sixteen and have a child at the age of seventeen like my grandmother.Children are really the cutest animals in the world, they are small and lovable.Soft hair, innocent eyes, entangled in the body, entangled in the soul.I want a boy, so that when I am in my thirties, he will grow into a tall, mighty and majestic little man, who can accompany me in the world, protect me and take care of me Fight the bad guys for me.Just because of this idea, I really wanted to get married when I first fell in love.At that time, the imagined marriage was like this: You don’t have to go to school or go to work. When you get up in the morning and the sun shines on your body, we will go to the market hand in hand. I wear a light blue dress and a casual dress of my husband’s. Off-white shirt, in the basket is a bouquet of red roses covered with morning dewdrops, or a large handful of fluffy light yellow daisies and a bunch of purple translucent grapes plus three or four fresh oranges; We will each have a cup of tea, sit in the warm sunshine and chat on the rocking chair. When we are tired, we will follow Li Qingzhao and Zhao Mingcheng's example of "gambling books and splashing the fragrance of tea" - to put it bluntly, it is a marriage that forgets daily necessities, rice, oil and salt, romantic It is extremely shameful.

There are countless romantic deeds like this, but they are so serious and sincere when facing each and every one. Looking back after many years, whether it is childish or ridiculous, it is just like looking back on the beach Look at your own footprints, step by step, clearly and truly.Yes, I know that they are destined to be annihilated by the tide of time or the sea breeze, but after all, I have come here step by step. In the years of youth, I performed my own love story with great devotion. Whether it is joy or sorrow, it is like a colorful flower or a brilliant fireworks.In the end, the sky is long, the light is shining, and people are still floating in the sky and the earth.Letting go of the past for the time being, when one can really talk about marriage, the matter becomes more difficult.Whenever a man who has a crush on me comes to my house as a guest, my mother will tell me in a panic: "My daughter is not suitable for a wife, so she retreated quickly." She turned her head and scolded me: "Don't hurt me!" Poor family!" It is really rare in the world to meet such parents!But my mother also has her reasons. She sees me as mediocre, ignorant of family affairs and loose in nature, so how can I be a good wife?Don't make people look for me all over the world if they live in cold pots and cold stoves all day long and eat books as a meal.This is the kindness of my mother's life. She always thinks of others and treats herself less, for fear of "marrying" others.

Sometimes walking on the street, seeing the big thick hands of the boys holding the soft and slender hands of the girls, I am really happy.At that time, I also really wanted to fall in love, thinking that I was a ostentatious flower in the spring breeze under the sun, and someone should appreciate it and someone would hold it in the palm of my hand to make it hurt.Occasionally, passing by a small shop of Haagen-Dazs ice cream, I would buy myself a box of Swiss vanilla ice cream, put it in my mouth spoon by spoon, and then wonder if that would buy me a box of hazelnuts covered with chocolate chips. In which corner of the world is the man with the fruity white ice cream hiding?It's not that I don't want to spend a good time with someone and love each other, but love has different realms at different stages of life.At a mature age, simple love has become a luxury.While having to pay attention to responsibilities and obligations, we should also first ask ourselves: Am I capable of loving? "I love you", these three words sound nice, but it is not so simple when you think about it deeper.Mr. Dong Qiao told his daughter in love: "Literature teaches you how to say 'I love you'; politics teaches you how to explain 'I love you'; Learn when not to say 'I love you'." In my opinion, falling in love is a matter of courage, and most people always love according to their own needs, "I need you, so I love you" and " I love you, so I need you" is really a huge distance, it is a completely different realm of love.If needs are ahead of love, and you only take but don't give love, this love will become only love but not love.

The experience of studying abroad is also a test of one's emotional endurance.It is very lonely to be far away from the cultural environment that one is familiar with, and this kind of loneliness cannot be tasted at home.I am a stubborn person. "Keeping" is much more important to me than "seeking". People can't always float, and they have to learn to look for and keep their inner principles in solitude.In the occasional loneliness, it is better to be alone.At least you won't compromise on yourself because you are deserted.Humans are born to live in groups, so they always want to rely on something.But emotional matters should not be too fragile sometimes, cruelty may be a kind of mercy instead.Someone once said that I was the bottleneck in his life, and if he was full of enthusiasm, he could only suppress it when he met my indifference.Appreciating flowers on Moshang, I seem to be the one who doesn't fall in love.It's not that I don't desire a colorful life, it's just that when I grow up, I feel the importance of rhythm, and slowly learn to wait, learn not to be greedy or impatient.Whether it is my love or my life, it should be like a flower, which will grow and bloom naturally under careful watering. I am a cloud in the sky, projected on your heart by chance, you don’t need to be surprised, let alone rejoice, and disappear in an instant; you and I meet on the sea of ​​night, you have yours, I have my direction, you It’s better to remember, but it’s better to forget, the light that shines on each other during this rendezvous. Compared with the poem above, I think I still like it better: Life and death are in harmony with each other, and you will be happy with your son; hold your hand, and grow old together with your son.a little more.