Chapter 46 Post-practical point of view win-win and communication

As long as our interests are in conflict or against each other, our main concern is who wins and who wins. In this life of winning and losing, we are constantly determining our own worth. The depression of life is also hidden in our hearts between winning and losing.The loser is determined to revenge in the hurt, and the winner is full of anxiety in the threat, so it is difficult for us to appreciate the possibility of a win-win situation. In breaking through the pain and setbacks of life, people who know how to reflect have begun to put forward a win-win and win-win mentality. This may be a new hope for the future of mankind. At the moment of destruction, we still cannot understand why human beings cannot "win-win."

What stands in the way of a win-win situation is our strong win-lose mentality. The strong and persistent mentality of winning and losing comes from the fact that we live in "conditional love" from Congxiu. " The first three months of life are probably the only time when human beings have the opportunity to receive unconditional love from others (parents); as we grow up, we must live in conditional love. Only obedient children are loved, only those who are obedient are worthy of love, only those who are innocent are loved, and only those who can read and get good grades are eligible to be loved; even the dearest parents, elders, teachers, and friends all have this attitude To judge our value, we must learn to use the eyes of others to judge ourselves and determine our own value. This is the beginning of a win-lose mentality.

We are valuable only when we win, and become a joke when we lose. Winning or losing makes us anxious, tense, and closes our thinking. We live for the evaluation of others and desperately suppress our own feelings, so we become more and more anxious, tense, unhappy, don't know why we are born, and worry about winning or losing every day. This is what existentialism calls " Ridiculous life." If you can't get rid of the win-lose mentality, you can't win together. Without recognizing and accepting our feelings, we cannot overcome the anxiety of winning or losing. Feeling that you are living in conditional love and trying to give yourself and others unconditional love is the most important step in self-cultivation to overcome the mentality of winning or losing.

Only those who can accept their own feelings can accept the feelings of others. Accepting the feelings of others is the most important basis for communication. Communication is also the most important strategy to achieve a win-win situation. But communication is actually very difficult, because communication is often confused with persuasion.We often think of persuasion as communication, so that communication often fails. Persuasion must win or lose, but communication is a win-win situation. Understand the feelings of others, and be able to express your own feelings correctly, without criticism or sarcasm, and sincerely want to reach a consensus with the other party. This kind of communication is the basis for a win-win situation.

Liu Bang's inattention to most things prevents him from winning too much. He is also more able to tolerate criticism from others and doesn't care about other people's opinions. On the contrary, Xiang Yu cares about face from the beginning to the end. So it has always seemed to be unable to let go. From this point of view, Liu Bang is strong and Xiang Yu is weak. Faced with the ambiguous attitude of Han Xin and Peng Yue, Liu Bang did not take himself as the center, but could accept Zhang Liang's advice with empathy and accept the feelings of Han Xin and Peng Yue. This is also an important key for him to become the final big winner.

Zhang Liang once praised Liu Bang in his early years: "Pei Gong is a gift from heaven!" What he was talking about was Liu Bang's characteristics of emphasizing his own feelings, accepting the feelings of others, and not paying too much attention to winning or losing. "It is also this kind of mentality that allows Liu Bang to share with the princes of the world, and the only big loser who should win but not win is Xiang Yu.