Chapter 20 Chapter Eighteen Shyness Is My Amulet

I was later elected to serve on the executive committee of the Vegetarian Society, and I decided to attend every meeting of the committee, but I always felt stuck.Dr. Oldfield said to me once: "You talk naturally to me, but why don't you ever speak in committee meetings? You're a drone, aren't you?" I appreciated the teasing.Bees are busy, drones are downright lazy.It's not a small oddity in these meetings that I sit silent while everyone else is giving their opinion.It's not that I never wanted to talk, but I always didn't know how to express myself, and it seemed to me that all the other committee members were far more sensible than I was.Sometimes just when I muster up enough courage to speak, people often start discussing another new issue.This situation continued for a long time.

At this moment, a serious issue arose in controversy.I thought the absence was undeserved, and felt it would be cowardly to cast a silent vote.This is how the controversy arose.The chairman of the association, Mr. Sears, was originally the owner of the Thames Iron Works. He was a Puritan. It can be said that the survival of the association actually depends on his funding.Many members of the committee are more or less under his patronage.Dr. Allinson, who had a reputation as a vegetarian, was also on the committee.He was an advocate of the then-burgeoning birth control movement and popularized birth control methods among the working class.Mr. Hills believes that these methods are to cut at the very root of morality.He thought that the purpose of the Vegetarian Association was not only to talk about diet, but also to carry out moral reform. Therefore, a person who held anti-Puritan views like Dr. Allinson should not be allowed to stay in the association, so he proposed to expel him membership.This question aroused my deep concern.Dr. Allinson's views on artificial birth control methods I think are dangerous.I also believe Mr. Sears, as a Puritan, has a right to object.I also have a lot of respect for Mr. Shires as a person and for his generosity.However, I do not think it proper to exclude someone from the Vegetarian Society simply because he does not recognize Puritan morality as one of the purposes of the Society.Mr. Hills' views on the expulsion of the Anti-Puritans from the Society are his own, and have nothing to do with the declared purpose of the Society to promote vegetarianism and not to advocate any moral system.So I think that any vegetarian, regardless of his views on other morals, can become a member of the association.There are other members of the committee who share my views, but I feel compelled to express my own opinion.How to express it is a problem.I didn't have the courage to speak up, so I decided to write down my thoughts.I will take this written matter to the meeting.As far as I remember, I was not even able to read it, and the Chairman had to get someone to read it.Dr. Allinson had failed that day.Thus, in the first round of a struggle of this kind I found myself on the side of the loser.Yet I consoled myself with thinking that what I was doing was justified.I vaguely remember resigning from the committee after this happened.

I maintained this shyness throughout my time in England.Sometimes I go on social calls, which can even silence me if there are more than half a dozen people present. Once I went to Ventnor with Mr. Mazmuta.We live in a vegetarian home there. Mr. Howard, the author of "Food Ethics", also lives in this summer resort.We met him, and he invited us to a meeting to speak on promoting vegetarianism.I have understood that the practice of reading speeches at meetings is not considered inappropriate.I know a lot of people who express themselves in order to be coherent and concise.Extemporaneous speaking is unthinkable to me.So I wrote my speech.I stood up at the meeting and read it, but I couldn't read it.My eyes grew cloudy, and I trembled, though my lecture was no more than one page in all.Mr. Mazmuta had to read for me.Needless to say, his own speech was very beautiful and won a lot of applause.I was ashamed myself, and saddened in my heart for my incompetence.

My last attempt at public speaking in England came on the eve of my return from England.But this time I still made a joke.I invited my food-seeking friends to have dinner at the Holbon Restaurant I talked about earlier.I said to myself: "Of course vegetarian meals can only be eaten in vegetarian restaurants. But why can't we go to a non-vegetarian restaurant?" I discussed with the manager of the Holbon Hotel and asked him to prepare a table of strict vegetarian meals. .The vegetarians who were invited to the dinner cheered the new experiment.All banquets are originally for joy, but the West has developed it into an art.This banquet is carried on with applause, music, and speeches.

The little dinner parties I give must have some performances of this kind, and therefore lectures.When it was my turn to speak, I stood up and spoke.Originally, I had already thought up a draft that could be finished in just a few sentences.But after speaking the first sentence, the second sentence cannot be uttered.I've read about Addison, who started his maiden speech in the House of Commons by repeating "I think" three times, and then when he couldn't speak anymore, someone stood up and joked, "This gentleman thinks Three times, but nothing came up." I was going to make a humorous speech citing this anecdote.So I started to talk, but I couldn't stop talking.I originally planned to say it in a humorous and interesting way, but when I thought about it, I couldn't think of it at all, which made me laugh out loud. "Thank you, gentlemen, for accepting my invitation so kindly."I suddenly said this and sat down.

This shyness was only overcome after arriving in South Africa, although I never quite got over it.Extemporaneous speaking is out of the question for me.When I have to deal with unfamiliar audiences, I hesitate, and whenever possible I avoid speaking.Even to this day I can't and I don't want to let my friends talk nonsense together. I should say that my natural shyness did no harm except the occasional joke.On the contrary, it seems to me that this shyness has done me great good.The hesitation to speak, which once caused me a lot of trouble, is now a pleasure to me, and its greatest advantage is that it has taught me to use words concisely.I naturally developed a habit of restraining my thoughts.Now I can issue myself a certificate that a ill-considered word never slips easily off my tongue or the tip of my pen.I cannot think of anything in my speaking or writing that I have ever regretted.So I've avoided many mistakes and wasted little time.Experience has taught me that silence is part of the spiritual training of a man of truth.Intentionally or unintentionally exaggerating, obliterating or narrowing the truth is a natural weakness of people. To overcome this weakness, silence is necessary.A man who speaks little, his words are seldom thoughtless; he weighs every word.In our daily life, there are indeed many people who are eager to speak.The chairman of the meeting was not troubled by the fact that he had to hand in a note asking to speak.And when a man is allowed to speak, he always exceeds the time limit, asks for more time, and goes on and on, regardless of your permission or not.All this talk is hardly good for the world.It's such a waste of time.My shyness does maintain me.It allows me to grow and helps me recognize truth.