Chapter 20 Four, life and death

It didn't take too much trouble to go out of the city. The guard at the gate saw the half-dead pregnant woman lying still in the car, and waved him through without saying a word. I have never driven a carriage, and I have never known that this seemingly easy job is not easy at all.The streets in the city are straight and smooth, and it is easier for me to control it, but when I go to the wilderness, the horse starts to lose its control.I don't whip the whip, it wanders to the side of the road to eat green grass on its own; if the whip is lightly whipped, it paces back and forth; He vowed not to stop until the carriage was overturned.

The weather in September should have been cool and pleasant, but I was sweating profusely from a horse. The road was bumpy, and I was better, but Deng Chan was a full-term expectant mother, and the feeling of suffering in the car with her big belly was not good.When I left Wancheng, she was still lying in the car motionless, as if she was stupid, but before I drove the car five miles away, she started humming. It was very quiet at first, but gradually the moans became louder and more disturbing, even if I wanted to ignore them cruelly. "It hurts..." At last, she began to yell loudly, "It hurts me to death! I'm going to die—it hurts, it hurts—"

My hand holding the whip trembled, and I became more and more at a loss as to how to drive the car. Deng Chan's cries became more and more shrill. Seeing the sun sinking from the horizon, my heart couldn't help trembling: "Cousin! Hold on, I beg you... Anyway, please Hold on! Don't be born on the road!" My pleading didn't have any effect, not even a little bit of consolation, Deng Chan yelled louder instead, bumping into things like rolling around in the car, I could clearly hear the clay pots shattering There was a crisp sound, and her increasingly heavy breathing could be clearly heard.

"Lihua...I can't make it..." She held her breath, reached out and pulled the curtain, "Help me! Lihua..." I turned my head anxiously, only to hear a "crash", the huge bamboo curtain was pulled down by Deng Chan, her fingers were tightly clenched into fists, the bamboo fragments were even stuck in her palm, and the bright red blood flowed smoothly. Tick-tock drops between fingers. "Deng Chan?!" I panicked, I didn't care to control the horse to direct the direction, and climbed into the carriage instead. Deng Chan's complexion was pale, she looked at me lazily, her cracked and blistered lips slowly opened and closed: "I...don't give birth, Lihua, help me...don't give birth..."

She was lying curled up in the carriage, the space was cramped, her legs could not be straightened, and her bent knees were shaking violently.I looked at her helplessly: "How can I help you? Deng Chan, how can I help you?" what to dowhat should I do?I was in a daze, holding her head in a panic and trying to help her up. "Ah—" she let out a stern scream, perhaps her teeth bit her tongue, her white teeth were stained with bright red blood, and she grinned coldly, indescribably terrifying. She held her breath, as if she would never be able to relieve it, the shaking of her knees caused her whole body to tremble violently, trembling, and finally twitched like a muscle spasm.

"Deng Chan—" "Hmm..." She groaned, sometimes screaming, sometimes panting.Mishang's eyes, struggling to the brink of death, this scene kept shaking in front of my eyes. Trembling, I laid her down, lowered my head, and looked down, only to see that where my knees were kneeling, a sea of ​​blood was gradually spreading. The blood-like brilliant red meandered to every corner of the carriage, I shuddered, grabbed the corner of Deng Chan's long dress with both hands, and tore it forcefully.But I was already so frightened that my hands and feet went limp, and this tugging failed to tear the skirt of the skirt.

Immediately I lowered my head, bit the corner of the fabric with my teeth, and pulled it with my hands, only to hear a "squeaky" sound, and the tail of the train was finally torn by me. Inside the deep clothing is a long white hakama with no crotch, I can no longer see its original color, the bright red blood has dyed it dark black. I never knew that childbirth is such a horrible thing, that a woman can bleed so much blood inside her body... "Cousin, cousin... Deng Chan..." I choked up and cried.God damn it, at this moment my mind is in a mess, as if I have gone through a long century, and I don't know what to do next.

"It hurts..." Deng Chan's eyes were closed, and her moaning voice became lower and lower, "I don't want to have a baby..." "Deng Chan... hold on, please! You can't give up now..." "I don't... um-huh." She twitched more and more violently, with waves of muscle spasms, and her appearance was very frightening, "I don't... love that man, why should I... give birth to... him ..." Tears blurred my vision, and I shouted frantically at the top of my lungs: "Please! Please! Please..." The light in the carriage is getting darker and darker. When the sky is completely dark, the whole world is pitch black, and you can't see your fingers.I can no longer see Deng Chan's appearance, I can only hear her intermittent painful tossing and moaning: "Cousin...brother...cousin...cousin..."

I broke down in tears: "Deng Chan, wake up, please give birth to the child...you can't be so irresponsible..." "Alas..." She suddenly sighed faintly, her voice was low and sad, revealing infinite despair, unheard of, "You, you...why never look at me...a glance..." I cried for a long time, but she didn't move any more, even the slightest sigh was stingy to give me alms again.I knelt numbly in the warm blood, and my whole body was icy cold. "Deng Chan..." With trembling hands, I touched her body, and she was just lying in front of me with a cold face and no breath.

The silent night was as thick as ink that would never melt. My body shook, and I felt a heart-piercing pain in my chest. I knelt down in front of her blankly, holding her headache and crying. It was dawn, and when the dawn light penetrated into the narrow compartment full of bloody smell, I stared at the cold and stiff Deng Chan with my dry and empty eyes.Her complexion was blue-purple under the light, her eyelids were tightly closed, and I gently stroked her cheek with my hand. This is a young and beautiful face, this is a vibrant young life, she is only twenty years old... Only twenty years old!

I numbly took off my coat and long undergarment, put it on for her, and gently combed her messy and damp hair, recalling the smiles she had when she gave me Huasheng, but now they are gone . Once it was all in place, I took her stiff arms and carried her on my back. The sky was a little gloomy, and the sun was hidden in the clouds, and it seemed that he couldn't bear to watch this scene of human tragedy. I smiled sadly, and walked with difficulty into the wasteland with her on my back. The thorns as tall as half a person tore through my pants, and cut bloodstains on my waist and legs.Deng Chan's body was so heavy that I couldn't breathe. I tried to lift her up to prevent the grass thorns from cutting her. After walking about a hundred meters, I picked up a clearing with softer weeds, and I put her down.Taking out the dagger I always carried with me, I began to dig through the ground. Repeating the same action over and over again, I worked mechanically for a day, until the sun went down again, and finally a shallow pit two meters wide and one meter wide appeared before my eyes. My arms were already sore and numb that I couldn't lift them up, and my face was covered in mud. I really wanted to dig a deeper hole so that Deng Chan could sleep more comfortably, but I had more energy than I could. People in the Han Dynasty believed in death as life, and paid special attention to burials after death, but I really can't do anything more for her. If I take her back to Xinye like this, the Deng family will be devastated. Deng Chan... is so worried about her brother, I can't bear to disappoint her. Deng Chen had important things to do in Xinye, so many people were waiting for him to direct the action, but he was the only one who followed the lead. If there was a slight mistake, it was afraid that not one or two people would die, and it was very likely that the Deng family would be reduced to the same level as the Li family. "You're wronged here first..." I closed my eyes, put my hands together, and pushed the soil into the pit.The mud gradually covered Deng Chan's lifeless face, my nose was sore, and the tears fell down uncontrollably. "You wait, after you get through this, I will definitely come and take you back... definitely..." Picking up a rectangular stone strip, I erected it in front of the mound of earth, trying to write an inscription, but found that I had no pen or ink on me.Looking down at the bloodstains on the trousers, his heart moved, so he rolled up the trousers.The wound cut by the thorns was still bleeding, so I dipped my index finger in it and wrote the words "Deng Chan's Tomb" on the stone one stroke at a time. After all this was done, I looked at this lonely and protruding small earthen grave in the wilderness, and my heart was sore and astringent. My already exhausted physical strength could no longer support me, my eyes went dark, and I fell down on my back. Night finally fell again, green lights lit up in the grass, swarms of fireflies danced over Deng Chan's tomb, and the green light dotted the lonely and desolate wilderness. I looked up at the sky where the stars were looming, and I couldn't help feeling a bewildered heart tremble. Twenty-eight nights... Did fate send me here just to witness these cruel deaths?Why does it have to be me, why not someone else?Why is it me? The tears in the eye sockets blurred his vision, dripping down from the corners of his eyes. I raised my hand and wiped the tears with the back of my hand, the water in my eyes was endless.I closed my eyes, tightly covered my eyes with my hands, and suppressed the grief in my heart. In the drowsiness, I heard a distant horse neighing in the quiet night sky. I opened my eyelids in a daze, and rested my head on the grass. There was a cold stone tablet beside me. My heart twitched and I closed my eyes in pain. The neighing of the horse sounded again, this time the neighing was high-pitched and clear, and I was jolted awake suddenly.Turning over and getting up from the ground, I saw that the carriage that had been parked by the side of the road was now heading south, and a shadowy figure was crawling on the carriage, yelling with whips. I didn't expect that there would be bandits coveting that dilapidated carriage at such a time. I was so angry and annoyed that I felt dizzy for a while.One day and one night, without a drop of water, my physical strength was seriously exhausted, but it was so, the sadness suppressed in my heart finally aroused raging anger, I grabbed the short sword at the side, and staggered to catch up. The carriage didn't run fast. It is estimated that the car thief, like me, is also a layman who doesn't know how to drive. The crackling of the whip echoed in the silent night.Holding my breath, I caught up with the carriage, resisting the vainness of staring at my eyes, and when I was running parallel to the carriage, I jumped on the carriage and threw myself at the driver. Under the huge momentum, he was hit by me with an "ouch" and fell out of the car. When I fell, I held his chin with one hand and lay down in front of him, cleverly letting him act as a back for me.He just hit the ground on his back, my hand pressed a little harder and hit the ground on the back of his head, he didn't even groan, and passed out. I closed my eyes, breathed a sigh of relief, got up from him, and spat: "Let you steal my horse again! Let you..." There was a sudden wind blowing from the back of my head, I shrank my shoulders vigilantly, and kicked around. Someone behind me snorted and fell back a step while clutching my stomach.It's a pity that my feet are weak and I can't exert much strength, otherwise he must also fall to the ground at this moment. Looking back and staring coldly, I couldn't laugh, and two people jumped down from the carriage one after another, surrounding them in the shape of my finished product. Unexpectedly, the person who stole the car was not alone, but there were four people including the guy who fell to the ground unconscious. "Is it a woman?" "Heh..." One of them smiled lewdly, "He's not bad looking." I took off my coat to Deng Chan, and now I am only wearing a jacket and a hakama, in the eyes of these obscene villains, it is the most evocative and exciting. I smiled coldly, drew out the dagger, and held it firmly in my hand: "Which one of you will come first?" The three of them were taken aback for a moment, and then burst out laughing. Taking advantage of their vigorous laughter, I took the lead in attacking them.Yi jumped at the nearest person among them, and pierced his heart with a sword. He backed away in shock, the point of the sword pierced his skin, someone behind him hugged my waist, and another person came to snatch the dagger in my hand. I snarled, my right arm trembled, and I broke free from the sword grabber's hand. With the strength of hugging my waist, I kicked my legs into the air, and kicked the guy in front of me three meters away. The arms around the waist tightened, and I slashed down with my sword, making a deep cut on that arm, with such force that I almost cut off the man's right hand at the wrist. There was a scream from behind, and the heart-piercing wailing shocked the other two. They looked at each other, and suddenly one of them let out a low growl: "Don't worry about this crazy woman, grab the horse and go!" Regardless of their comatose companions on the ground, the two rushed towards the carriage, and the man with the injured arm yelled, "Wait for me..." and staggered after him. I rushed up, the dagger swayed, the man clutched his injured arm, and dodged in fear.In a blink of an eye, the other two had untied their horses from the cart and fled crazily together. I was trembling with anger, seeing that I couldn't run as fast as my horse, I couldn't help showing hatred in despair, I clenched my teeth, wishing to kill the remaining two villains on the spot to vent my hatred. Just when I turned around, I heard the neighing of the horse, and the sound of ouch, the two fleeing people fell off the horse for some reason. The two of them climbed up the horse again in embarrassment, and I chased after them with the last of my strength, feeling extremely annoyed in my heart. A person riding behind the horse said anxiously: "Quick! Quick! Rein in the horse and kick her! Trample her to death!" There was a "boom" in my head, and the trace of rationality I was holding on to finally disappeared. I rushed forward frantically, and stabbed out with a sword.This sword didn't cut any of them, but pierced the horse's neck fiercely. The sword was completely submerged, and the horse let out a long mournful cry, and I pulled out the dagger, and the horse's blood was soaring, and the hot blood sprayed all over my head and face, and I stood there and screamed tremblingly: "Want a horse? I give you! I give you—” The horse's front hooves went limp, and it fell to the ground with a bang. The horse's blood flowed all over the ground for a while, but the horse didn't breathe for a while, lying on its side in the puddle of blood, and its limbs twitched. "Take it! Take it!" I waved my bloody dagger, grinning wildly, "Here you—take it!" The two rolled up from the ground in embarrassment, and after looking at each other, they ran away, and the injured guy also ran away when he saw that the situation was not good. I looked up to the sky and laughed, the laughter was shrill, as if a heavy boulder was pressing on my chest, and I felt depressed and uneasy.At the end of the laugh, it was already full of rain and tears. The horse twitched a few times, but finally stopped moving, but the blood flowed more and more, slowly seeping into the soil. I fell down beside the dead horse. I don’t know how long it took before I heard the sound of dumbbells clattering in the distance. As the hoofbeats approached, a little gray donkey stopped in front of me. Its long ears moved slightly, and a bronze dumbbell hung around the donkey’s neck. , The shaking of the donkey's head from time to time brought out bursts of dumb bells. Looking up along the donkey's head, I accidentally touched a pair of deep eyes with jet-black pupils. My first impression was that those eyes were fake black, deep without any luster. In those black pupils, I can't see the reflection of the streamer at all! I was startled, and before I could look carefully, the owner of the black eyes jumped off the donkey, and then a coarse linen cloak was pulled over my head to cover my naked and blood-stained body. Busily wrestling his head out of the cloak, he heard a deep and melodious voice ask, "Drink water?" I nodded subconsciously. He bent his knees and squatted, and handed over a clay pot.Staring at the swaying clear water in the earthen pot, I gulped dryly, and snatched it with my hands in embarrassment. He tilted his head back and poured heavily, but he heard the voice say unhurriedly, "You didn't do a bad job!" "Cough!" I choked on the intake pipe with a sip of water, coughing incessantly. What do you mean by that? Putting down the pitcher hesitantly, I glanced at him vigilantly.It was a young man in his early thirties, fair complexion, extremely refined appearance, long face, sharp chin, very thin and capable. He has a pair of eyes that are very similar to Yinzhi's, with narrow and long eyeliner, but Yinzhi's eyes reveal a different kind of charm at the corners of his brows, which cannot be found in this person at all, but I have to admit that he looks like a It's even better than Yin Sense. Those dull eyes looked at me without blinking, but I didn't know if he was really looking at me, there was no emotion in his eyes. He suddenly snarled at the dead horse: "Separate the horses. If you think raw meat will spoil if you take it on the road, make cooked meat." Seeing that I didn't respond, he reached out to take the dagger in my hand. I retracted my right arm, dodged it, and stared at him firmly. "Don't worry, I won't take advantage of the fire to rob you. I just trade water for some meat with you. It's a fair deal, isn't it?" Holding the clay pot in my left hand, I stood up unsteadily: "How long have you been watching?" He clapped his hands, calmly. "When the thieves robbed the horse just now, you were nearby, right?" I said coldly, "What if the carriage is robbed now? If I can't protect myself, and I am abused and even silenced by those scum, you are by the side After watching the excitement with relish, will you come out to make a deal with them in the end?" He didn't change his face, he was indifferent.My aggressiveness, my sharp words, didn't matter to him at all, as if I wasn't questioning him, I was just talking to myself. The fingers clenched the hilt of the sword tightly, and the phalanges were painful.After a long time, I finally let go and let out a soft breath: "Before the horse meat is cooked, give me some dry food." He grinned, revealing a mouthful of neat, white teeth.At that moment, I had an illusion in a trance. This person, who looks talented and upright, is ridiculous, but at the same time gives people two completely different feelings of innocence and evil charm. "Here you are." He seemed to have expected that I would ask so, untied a cloth bag from the donkey's back, and threw it to me. While he was throwing the cloth bag, I raised my hand and threw the dagger over, and then caught the cloth bag.He took the sword gracefully, walked quickly to the horse corpse, and cut it off with a wave of his hand without hesitation. Hearing the creaking sound of the separation of the flesh and blood, I couldn't help but feel the hair stand on end, and I felt sick in my empty stomach, so I hurriedly hid away with the water jar and dry food. When I got back to the carriage abandoned by the roadside, I lowered my head and silently ate the sesame seed cakes. What I was thinking about was what to do, whether to continue going south to Xinye, or turn around and go back to Wancheng to find Liu Xiu and the others. While meditating, I swallowed a dry biscuit, and my stomach felt a little full, so I sighed.Seeing that the man had neatly cut up the horse for the meat, he picked up some dry wood and dead branches by the roadside and lit a fire, preparing for the barbecue. Looking at the sky, it was not much time before dawn. At this speed, it is estimated that one person could not finish the work before dawn.Wouldn't it be troublesome if we ran into passers-by at dawn? Weighing the pros and cons, I finally decided to help, so I turned around and put the clay pot on the car, only to find that the man knocked unconscious by me was still lying in the grass without moving. With a cold snort, I clenched my fist and walked over. I was about to wake him up, but I didn't want to take a closer look. The man's head was covered in blood and his face was crooked, as if he was dead. I was taken aback immediately and felt cold all over.Killing a horse just now is one thing, but killing someone is another!I can appease my guilt after killing a horse, but it doesn't mean I can cross the moral line in my heart and acquiesce in killing myself. Bending down cautiously, I probed for his breath with trembling fingers. No breath at all—I was shocked and froze. "Have you ever killed someone before?" This cold question came from behind him unexpectedly. I screamed in fright, bounced and turned around, looking at him in panic. "No, no... I didn't kill him, I just... I didn't hit so hard, I..." He looked at me quietly, and said indifferently: "A woman who has killed someone is not a woman anymore!" I was suffocated, my lips were trembling, but I couldn't say a word. Suddenly the corners of his lips curled up, revealing a smiling face. My heart beat like a beating, and I felt uneasy. I only felt that there was an annoying evil in his smile, which was definitely not kind. I couldn't help but annoyed: "I didn't kill he!" I fled away with a flick of my sleeves, but my heart was in a mess. For a while, the sky and the earth were big, but I felt that there was no place for me anymore.No matter how much I suppress that guilt, it will always come out of the cracks and mess with my mind. "I've killed people before!" He followed up from behind, his voice was faint, and he couldn't tell whether it was joy or sorrow. I turned around and looked at him, he sneered with the corners of his mouth curled up, his dark pupils suddenly burst into a stern light, and the evil spirit attached to him like a living object.I gasped, this man would inexplicably generate fear. "My younger brother was killed by someone. I will avenge him and kill that man!" He said it very lightly, as if he was not talking about his own affairs. The more simple and indifferent he said, the more hairy I felt, the fear suddenly increased, and I couldn't help taking a few steps back to stay away from him. He seemed to be aware of it, but he didn't point me out. He went straight to the fire and turned the meat on the fire.The fat dripped from the meat and landed on the dry firewood, making a squeaking sound and green smoke rising. "I didn't want to be arrested, so I ran away, but the people from the government detained my father. In order to make them give up, I found someone to carry the coffin back to my hometown, feigning death and hiding..." He seemed to be in a very happy mood, while relaxing While talking, he kept busy with the work in hand. "I'm dead now." I shudder. Subconsciously, I just think he is terrifying, a hundred times more terrifying than those horse thieves, or even Ma Wu who kidnapped me four years ago! "In fact, killing people is not terrible...In troubled times, it is a game of life and death. You are lucky today, or you may be lying here. So, either he dies, you live, or you die, He lives! Which one do you choose?" The atmosphere was unusually quiet, and the flames were swaying coldly with a faint blue light and frantically licking the firewood until it was reduced to ashes. I hesitated for a moment, and finally whispered: "No one wants to die!" Thinking of the tragic death of Deng Chan, another burst of pain in my heart. He nodded approvingly: "Looks like she's a smart woman!" I sneered and sneered: "A woman who has killed someone can't be considered a woman?" A strange brilliance flashed across the dark eyes again, but then disappeared, and he smiled: "Whether it is true or not, I can't tell yet." I got closer, picked up the skewered horse meat from the ground, and grilled it on the fire. "What's your name?" He asked me suddenly. I was stunned for a while, and replied after a while: "Yin Ji!" "Liu Xuan, the name is Sheng Gong!" He took a bite of the roasted horse meat and showed a satisfied smile. I didn't care about his name. Anyway, we all met by chance, so we might not know his real name.Didn't he himself say that he had killed someone, so he was already "dead". Maybe this was just a pseudonym he used after his death. "where is this place?" "A little further south from here is Little Chang'an, where are you going?" I thought about it, there is still a long way to go from Little Chang'an to Xinye. Now that the carriage is ruined and the horse is dead, it may take three or four days to walk on my two legs. "I'm going to Wancheng." I sighed lightly. Before leaving, Liu Xiu once said that she believed that I could send Deng Chan back to Xinye safely, but now... "Wancheng? Wancheng is not peaceful now! What are you doing there?" "Not peaceful?" I panicked, "I have relatives living in the city..." "It's best not to go there yet. We share half of the meat, don't you agree?" "Hmm." I nodded casually, but what I still couldn't let go of was those three words—not peaceful. "Okay, let's go our separate ways at dawn!" He tapped the dagger twice on the horse's hide, wiped off the blood and returned it to me, "You are a woman, although you have some martial arts skills, but you are alone Let’s go on the road, after all, you’re a bit brave. If...you really have nowhere to go, you might as well come to Pinglin to find me.” "Pinglin?" My heart skipped a beat, "Could it be that you want to..." Pinglin——If I remember correctly, two months ago, two people from Pinglin, Chen Mu and Liao Zhan, raised their troops to respond to the Lulin Xinshi soldiers attacking Sui County, and pulled more than a thousand local people to rebel. Could it be that he is going to join the Pinglin army? "That's right, she is indeed a smart woman! I, Liu Shenggong, have nothing to be afraid of. This life is already earned, so there is no loss." I watched blankly as he divided the roasted meat into two piles and wrapped them up. He didn't bully me as a woman and child, and the division was fair, saying that half is half. "Take it!" He threw the burden to me, the roasted meat was still hot, holding it in his arms, it was greasy, burning his chest. Troubled times!Troubled times... Is this the chaotic world I was looking forward to? Is this really the life I was longing for before? Is this kind of life really wonderful? I was at a loss for words. If possible, I wish nothing had happened!Everything is still the same as in the past, Deng Chan is not dead, she is living happily with her husband in Wancheng, gave birth to a child in peace, and the family is happy and harmonious... I'm wrong! Troubled times are no fun!Because in troubled times, you need to play with your life!Fight with your life when necessary!Cruel to the heinous! In troubled times, the people mourn!