Chapter 15 Chapter fifteen
On January 6th, it started to snow again in the afternoon.The sky was overcast, but there was still a faint light in the distance, and it seemed that there would be no heavy snow like Christmas Eve.There are very few pedestrians holding umbrellas.Lightly dancing snowflakes adorn the hair of passers-by, fall on the palms of children, and disappear without a trace after feeling the warmth for a moment in the world.
At the gate of the Children's Park four blocks west of Chengdong No. 3 Middle School, a young girl is looking up at the fine snow fluttering in the sky.She was wearing a brown duffel coat with a hood and a white turtleneck that peeked out from the neckline.The shoulder-length hair is tied into two strands, perhaps because the hair is too stiff, and the braid hanging behind the head looks like a wooden girl doll, playfully sticking out from behind the ears.
It was very cold.The girl stomped her sneakers and rubbed her body through the coat with her hands hidden in her pockets.
The snow flakes landed on the girl's dark red nose.
The appointed time was one o'clock in the afternoon, five minutes had passed.The park was empty.I was worried that there would be more children coming to the park to play in the snow than usual, but now I can feel relieved.But it's easy to attract the attention of others by being so dawdly.
It's not good to be seen.
Of course it's better not to be seen.
However, it is impossible to never be discovered.
Just don't get caught when you drop it in the mailbox.
There is a bus stop near the park, which is the Ishikawa 3-chome bus platform, and the Toei bus bound for the Yaesu entrance and exit of Tokyo Tram Station will stop here.
From here to the terminal, I dropped the letter in the post office near Tokyo Station.Even the postage stamps are pasted.It's obviously a very simple task, but why didn't you come on time when something happened?Because of this, people will be called "procrastinators" and "confused".
The words in my heart echoed in my body: procrastination, muddleheaded.
There is another sentence: ugly.
These words have always been there.Even if you don't say anything, there will be a buzzing echo.
The girl's gaze fell on the instep.The north wind howled, blowing snowflakes onto his face.She reached out and lifted the hood of the coat on the back, and put it tightly on her head.
She hates winter.Under the low temperature outside, the pimples on the face will turn red and become more conspicuous.In winter, the air is dry, and the skin on the face that is not covered by acne will be rough and peeled, leaving some white spots.Mom said it was because she put acne cream on her non-acne skin.But these parts will definitely grow acne in the future, so it is necessary to apply medicine.
"Juri, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
Hearing someone call her name loudly, the girl was startled and raised her head.Asai Matsuko was trotting all the way from across the road, wearing a cotton coat in the style of middle-aged women.
"Has the bus left?" Matsuko grabbed Juri's arm out of breath.Shuli huddled her attention at the bottom of her heart, and was brutally dragged back to the real world.
"not yet."
"Ah, it's okay, it's okay." Song Zi exaggeratedly expressed his inner joy, and a big cloud of white gas came out of his mouth.She frantically patted on the cotton coat, shaking off the snowflakes on her body. "In this weather, the bus must be late."
Juri Miyake looked into the distance through the fine snow that was flying all over the sky, and a car decorated with New Year's decorations drove past from left to right.Today is the first Friday after the year, and there are very few vehicles on the road.People who went home to visit relatives or went on vacation have returned, and companies will officially go to work tomorrow.
All schools will hold opening ceremonies tomorrow, and every dull and boring day will begin again.
That's why we're going to do this, to bring some change to the dreary days. "The bus is coming." Songzi said in a silly cheerful voice.Unlike Shuli, her eyes are sharp. "It's one hundred and sixty yen." Shuozi counted coins out of his wallet like a kindergartener.Shuli watched from the side, feeling out of breath.
She was always like this when she was with Songzi.For this dull-witted, always fond of giggling loudly regardless of the occasion, and interested in boring things, Matsuko, Juli doesn't have the slightest affection, and can even be said to be very annoying.
Despite this, Juli is still always with her.
The bus was empty, only two or three adults were sparsely seated in the middle seat.After getting in the car, Shuli went straight to the last row of seats, followed by Songzi, who sat down beside her. "Haha, it's good to be able to sit in the seat."
What is there to be happy about?Jyuri looked at Matsuko's profile.Not only was it unbelievable, it was simply unbearable.Why did we go to Tokyo Station?Have you completely forgotten the purpose?Seeing her silly joy, it was as if the two had made an appointment to go to the movies together.
"Juri, did you bring it?" As if hearing Juri's inner voice—although it was almost impossible for this dull friend—Songzi asked in a low voice.Juli was getting impatient again.How could it not be brought?
"Take it with you."
"Where is it? Let me see, let me see."
"I can't take it out now." Shuli scowled, glaring at her.Songzi didn't seem to care at all, said "Oh, it's true", and then laughed "giggle".
Could this guy be a fool?No, I knew she was a fool.I was the real fool who asked her to come with me.
If I had known this earlier, I should have come alone.Shuli regretted it.It really shouldn't have succumbed to fear and told Songzi everything.
Shuli rolled his eyes and quietly looked at the pine nuts beside him.I saw her sitting obediently with her hands on her knees.The bulging cotton coat made her look fat.However, her skin is very good, not to mention acne on her face, she doesn't even have a freckle.The hair is slightly brown and quite smooth. Even with a simple short cut, the hairstyle is quite beautiful just by looking at it.
Juli was so envious that she even wanted such hair in her dreams.
As an ultimate choice, she really considered it.She suffered from insomnia several times at night. She lay in bed thinking about it seriously, and the more she thought about it, the more she couldn't fall asleep.If this annoying pimple can be cured, and this hard black hair can be turned into soft brown hair, in exchange, would you like to become a fat girl covered in fat?
In other words, is it okay to swap it with pine nuts?Too fat to wear clothes suitable for teens, she shopped at clothing stores for housewives and sometimes wore clothes her mother had worn.
A pine nut always dressed as a vulgar middle-aged woman; a pine nut with a belly divided into three sections can be clearly seen through the sportswear in physical education class; a pine nut whose legs are dangling when running; even The school uniform is custom-made, and the raised fat will stretch out all the folds of the pleated skirt; the fat on the chin is plump and round, looking like a pine nut without a neck.
If the ugly pimples on my face disappear, if my hair becomes smooth, I can get rid of the embarrassment of going to a high-end barbershop to get a beautiful hairstyle, and let the barber turn my face away and snicker, even if it makes me look like a pine nut, it doesn’t matter .Wouldn't it be enough just to lose weight?Songzi is so fat because she refuses to bother to lose weight.Blaming obesity on physical fitness is simply making excuses.
"Juri," Songzi stared at Juli's face, "your eye circles are red."
Why am I crying?Juli hastily wiped it with her hands.
"No way, Juli. Aren't you wearing contact lenses? You'll hurt your eyes if you rub them like that."
Songzi just loves to worry about things.Shuli turned his gaze out of the car window without saying a word.Say a few words less and let people be quiet for a while, okay?Ke Songzi didn't know what she was thinking.Matsuko stretched out her chubby hand and held Juri's hand tightly.
"I'll always be by your side. You don't have to worry, what you're doing is right, don't be afraid of anything."
legitimate thing.Jyuri let his hand rest in the sweaty fat palm of Songzi, thinking in his mind.Yes, I did it to correct an improper situation.She chewed the thought over and over in her head, then swallowed it in her stomach, digested it, digested it.Now that things are up to now, we must not back down at the last minute.
The only ones who sat to the terminal with the two were a mother and daughter who got on the bus at Nihonbashi.After the mother and daughter, who were carrying many shopping paper bags, got out of the car, Shuli and Songzi also got out of the car.
Xiaoxue stopped at some point.The bus station at the Yaesu exit of Tokyo Station was empty, only the strong north wind was whirling and whistling.
"Look, there's a mailbox over there!" Songzi said, pointing to a corner by the bus station.At the boundary between the sidewalk and the bus stop, there was a square mailbox standing with its back facing the two of them.
However, this mailbox is very close to the zebra crossing, and pedestrians who cross the road to Tokyo Station will pass by here.
"Let's find a place where no one is around." After speaking, Shuli took the lead.
Song Zi hurriedly followed: "Why?"
"I don't want to be seen."
"Isn't it good here?"
When Juli suggested that it would be troublesome to stamp the local postmark, Matsuko suggested taking a bus to Tokyo Station to deliver.But judging from Songzi's current words and deeds, she thinks that as long as the postmarks are different, it will be fine?But she wasn't that careful after all.
"It's so cold." Pine Nut, whose cheeks were flushed by the north wind, muttered.
Even though it is wrapped in a thick layer of fat, it is still cold?Shu Lixiang taunted her a few words, but finally held back.
From Tokyo Station to Ginza, the two walked aimlessly.The closer you get to Ginza, the brighter the lights, the more energetic, and the more prosperous the overall atmosphere.The doors and windows of the business buildings at the bus station are still closed, but the department stores here are full of festive atmosphere and full of vitality.
Lovers and lovers, the whole family.Everyone was full of joy and seemed to be immersed in happiness.
And, each one is beautiful.
Acne-prone people like me don't have a single one.
As fat and ugly as pine nuts, there are none.
People passing by would look back curiously at these two junior high school students who were out of step with the street scene.At least, that's how it looked in Shuli's eyes.Even though he knew that it was impossible for him to enter their field of vision, Juli could still hear the voices in their hearts.
A girl who was about the same age as Juri, led by her mother, passed in front of their eyes, and the sleeve of her mother's coat touched Juri's clothes.She was concentrating on chatting with her daughter, but she didn't notice it, but her daughter noticed it and glanced at Jyuri.At that moment, there was a look of surprise in the girl's eyes, and there was another emotion in it, but it disappeared immediately.Shuli felt that he had been insulted, and was furious in his heart.
It's okay to be surprised.What's with that look of sympathy and reassurance?Simply unforgivable.
Why does that guy have acne?so poor.Luckily my face didn't turn out like that.
"Juri, where are we going?" Songzi grabbed Juli's sleeve, "There was also a postbox there just now, and we have already passed by..."
Just keep your head down and walk without noticing.
"Don't call me by my name!" Juli ordered shortly and sharply.
"what?"
"Don't call me by my name!"
Song Zi withdrew her hand, and said without knowing it: "Oh, I'm sorry." She finally knew how to shrink back.
There are plenty of mailboxes, on the side of the road, in front of the building, everywhere.But there are people in front of everyone.
And the closer to the center of Ginza, the more pedestrians and vehicles.
Shuli stood up abruptly, then turned around, and almost bumped into the dejected Songzi behind him.
"What's wrong?"
"go back."
"Where are you going?"
"bus stop."
Songzi asked if it was posted in the mailbox just now, and Juli gave an affirmative answer.I thought Songzi would ask the reason back, but she didn't say anything and followed silently.Maybe she knew that Juri was in a bad mood and was wondering what to do.
Shuli really wanted to cry, wanted to cry loudly.Eye sockets must be red again.
Even if it's just a casual walk, the painful memory will come back.
That obscene laughter rang in my ears again.
The three laughed and cursed, and followed closely behind Shuli.At that time, Juli was walking home from school alone.Some adults passed by them, all of them turned a blind eye.
Shuli pursed his lips, gritted his teeth, lowered his head and continued walking.Then nothing can be heard.Ignore these guys, just pretend they don't exist.
At this moment, someone kicked her hard on the back.
Jyri fell forward, scraping his face against the asphalt.
The three cheered loudly and approached Shuli who was lying on the ground.One of them kicked Juri on the shoulder, and Juri, who was about to get up, fell to the ground again, and his lip was broken.
"Why are you pretending to be cool, you ugly bastard."
Juli raised her face and looked at the person who spoke.I saw Oide Toshiji in high spirits with a smirk on his face.
"Go to hell, you ugly monster." Following an insult, a schoolbag hit Shuli's head, which was her own schoolbag, "Germs! What are you looking at? Is it disgusting?"
Oide Shunji raised his foot, and was about to kick Juri in the face.Shuli immediately dodged to the side, supporting the ground with both hands.At this time, someone grabbed her school uniform collar and pulled her upside down.Either Iguchi or Hashida.
"Didn't I tell you not to look at me! Ugly!"
Shunji Oide's sole appeared in front of his eyes.
Shuli's face was trampled on the soles of his feet, and the bridge of his nose creaked.The pain and fear almost made her faint. The booing sound of "Wow -" mercilessly fell from a high place...
Walking on the streets of Ginza, Miyake Jyuri suddenly stopped and opened his eyes.She returned to the real world.Memories are gone.Painful memories engraved in flesh and blood.
Only anger can erase such memories.
"Shuli." Song Zi shouted again, afraid of being scolded again, he quickly took a step back.
Shuli walked again.There is no explanation.
As a result, they came again to the first mailbox they saw near the bus stop.There is a yellow card pasted on the delivery opening of the mailbox.In the days when New Year's cards are sent to each other, this familiar symbol will appear.On the right is the delivery port for general letters, and on the left is the delivery port for New Year's cards.
"Are they all express letters?" Song Zi asked after seeing the envelopes of the three letters.This is exactly what Shuli prepared, and it cost her a lot of pocket money just to buy stamps.
"Which eloquence is better?"
The drop slot on the right is for general letters only.In the current period, does the express mail business have to be handled through a window?
"The one on the right will do."
Juli stuffed all three envelopes into the mailbox.
click.There was a dry sound from the mailbox.
It only took a second.No reconsideration, no hesitation.
Songzi sighed for Shuli: "That's great, Shuli."
In an instant, an angry voice emerged from the bottom of Shuli's heart, like a howling north wind, violently shaking Shuli's body.The slender body of this fourteen-year-old girl was suddenly filled with angry power, ready to explode.
good what good?not good!Not good at all丨Why don't you understand?
I didn't want to be here at all, didn't want to feel that way.I was forced to do it.
Shuli couldn't control the anger in his heart for a long time, so he wrote the letter.I thought that in this way, all the anger could be sealed in the envelope.But why does the envelope have fallen to the bottom of the mailbox, but the anger still remains in my heart?
Shuli opened his mouth and said in a dry and exhausted voice: "Well, let's go back."
"Did you find the reference book?" asked the mother. Shuli didn't understand what she meant at once.She looked up from her dinner plate and looked at her mother across the table.As soon as a mouthful of rice was put into her mouth, the mother could only bite her chopsticks and stare blankly at Juri. "Have you been there? The Book Center." By the way, when I went out during the day, my mother asked me where I was going, and I lied, saying that I went to the Yaesu Book Center with Matsuko to buy reference books, because there were no books I wanted in the nearby bookstores. "Well, I went there, but I didn't buy it." "Don't you have any books to buy?" "Too many, too picky." Mother chewed the food in her mouth and smiled knowingly: "Look." "Do you want to return the money to Mom?" "No. You'll want it again anyway, won't you?" Shuli has no appetite at all. Only the table for the mother and daughter was quiet.A chandelier hangs over the table, and the greasy dishes glisten in the yellow light.Jyuri once begged her mother not to cook fried and fried dishes, which can easily cause acne.But no matter how much she persuaded, my mother didn't want to change the menu.The reason she gave was that animal fats are necessary for growing children.Shu wanted to eat vegetable salad, but his mother would flatly reject it, saying that cooked vegetables can allow people to absorb fiber and absorb nutrients more effectively than raw and cold salads.So what is served on the table is always fried and fried food.To cook the dishes, steaming and boiling are also good ways, but my mother finds it troublesome and refuses to do it.After all, she only cooks dishes that she wants to eat without any fuss. It is written in beauty books that if you want to change your skin condition, it is best to change your eating habits first. "This is a formal beauty book written by a doctor." Shu Lili used this to convince his mother, but her mother immediately dismissed it. When it comes to changing eating habits, it is better to give up snacks first.It's just a stealing concept. Shuli proposed to see a dermatologist, and her mother would say that acne in adolescence is not a disease, as long as the face is kept clean, without makeup, and the skin is directly exposed to the air, it will naturally heal.Acne, who hasn't grown one or two? "There are also people who don't grow any of them. It's so serious that I'm the only one in the whole grade." "That's because you went to buy those unknown medicines and rubbed them on your face. As long as you don't mess up the medicines and self-defeating, you will be fine." The result of the discussion is always this: none of the parents and their brothers and sisters have had such severe acne, indicating that it is not caused by the constitution inherited in the family.As long as Jyuri doesn't make a fuss, he will be fine soon, but nervousness will affect the skin instead. In the end, the mother will make such a unilateral judgment. "It's all about anxiety anyway, isn't it? Just take it easy and everything will be fine." Shuli also wanted to relax a little.However, if you want to feel relaxed, you must first have smooth skin and make yourself full of confidence.I also hope to be able to face the people around me openly.What my mother said was completely putting the cart before the horse.Why doesn't she understand? Shuli moved the chopsticks slowly, removed the pork belly from the stir-fry, and asked at the same time, "Where did Dad go today?" "Yokohama. Said that his new work will be finished soon." "Are you coming back late?" "Probably." The mother glanced at the clock while eating, "Tell us not to save dinner for him. We should go to the bar we often go to with everyone." Shuli's father is a so-called "Sunday painter" because he is an office worker and painting is not his profession.He himself has always regarded himself as a "painter". Although he does not make a living, he believes that his creative attitude is the same as that of professional artists, and it is by no means comparable to those Sunday painters who draw a few strokes for fun. Once, Shuli was irritated by his father's self-righteous art theory, so he retorted: "But the "Erguanghui" that Dad joined, isn't it just a group of people who draw two strokes out of interest? Those who come to our house to play , no one considers themselves a professional painter. No matter what your creative attitude is, as long as no one is willing to pay for your paintings and decorate the living room with your paintings, you can’t call yourself a professional painter. Isn’t it?” Unexpectedly, the father was furious, and even his face changed: "You are a child, what nonsense are you talking about? Aren't those famous painters unable to sell their paintings when they were alive and living a poor life? Do you know Van Gogh? Right? No one would buy his paintings during his lifetime, but can you say that Van Gogh was not an artist?" It's really 18 fallacies, Shuli thought to himself.Just like my mother, I know how to change concepts secretly.I'm talking about you, Dad, why do you want to support Van Gogh? For the modern art that Juli likes, his father has always disliked it. He said that in today's art world, it is a dead end for those who can't even draw to graffiti on the wall.This would suffocate a true artist. Modern art does have such a side.Even among highly rated works, there will be works that even a junior high school student like Juli can see that they are fooling people.But Juli knew very well that even if there were real artists who died of suffocation, his father was definitely not among them. My father has been drawing since he was a teenager.He once passed the Tokyo University of the Arts, but failed. Instead, he entered the economics department of an ordinary university. After graduation, he worked in a large home appliance company and has worked so far. Due to the high annual income, my father would take the family abroad once a year for a trip.This is just a sightseeing tour for mother and Jyuri, but for father, it is a trip for painting and creation.No matter where he goes, he always takes his painting tools with him.When he checked his luggage at the counter at the airport, he would show a fake smile and take the initiative to explain that there were valuable painting tools stored in the suitcase.If the service staff in front of the counter listened and said something like "You are a painter", he would straighten his back and talk endlessly, saying that his works had been selected for such-and-such art exhibitions, and which scenery he planned to paint during this trip Wait, it seems that they don't know that the other party just agrees with him casually out of work needs. Not only when traveling, but even when dining out or shopping, my father would take the opportunity to show off to others.At this time, Shuli would feel ashamed and keep a distance from his father as much as possible.Not only now, but as early as the fourth and fifth grades of elementary school, she was already like this.Even children, at this age, are perfectly able to tell whether someone's smile is a fake one hiding confusion and disgust, or a genuine smile of kindness and respect. What she couldn't tolerate the most was that the father would ignore his daughter's thoughts and drag Jyuri into his self-promotion. "This is my daughter, named, I named her. Such a name, no matter which country people hear it, they will feel kind." At this time, Shuli really wanted to die on the spot. It was okay when I was a child, after all, the sense of shame was limited to the gap of "a Japanese girl with ordinary features has a foreign name".However, starting from the second semester of the sixth grade of elementary school, pimples began to appear on Juli's face one by one, and after entering junior high school, his whole face became even more messy.Since then, she can't stand the name "Juri" anymore. So after entering the second year of junior high school, Juli asked her parents to change her name. Chengdong No. 3 Middle School has to be divided into classes every school year.At the first class meeting of the new semester, everyone has to give a one-minute self-introduction.When it was Juli's turn, she only reported her name and sat down straight away.But even so, she could still hear everyone's low titters.Not only the new classmates who saw Juli for the first time after being divided into classes in the second grade, but also the old classmates who were in the same class in the first grade.Even if they didn't laugh out loud, Shuli could hear them clearly. So to build an ideal, at least change the name.Parents, however, don't understand at all.My father even teased with a rhetorical question: "Do you want to change the spelling to Katakana?" That night, Jyuri went into the bathroom with a razor blade she bought from a convenience store.She thought about death.However, when she put the blade on her wrist and stared at her snow-white arm, she couldn't make up her mind, and couldn't help but burst into tears. The skin on the inside of Juli's arm is beautiful, thin and white, the skin that a fourteen-year-old girl should have.But why did his face become like this?No, not only my face but also my neck and back have been getting pimples lately.It will fester after it grows, and it will grow back after it festers, and it keeps repeating, leaving ugly scars.The scars have not yet faded, and new youthful jaundice will grow again. It was almost like being cursed by a demon. It wasn't the first time she thought about dying, either.Not long after entering junior high school, she had already thought of that group of villains when she first encountered the gang of three, Ode, Iguchi, and Hashida.She ran and fled home that day.At that time, my mother went out to buy things. She ran into the bathroom by herself and looked in the mirror. She clearly saw her face, which was slightly swollen due to acne, and there were still big shoe prints.At that time, she also thought about death.She washed her face, changed her clothes, put on her shoes, and came to the nearby high-rise residential area.She wants to jump off a building.
She stood on the platform at the top of the outer stairs of the high-rise building for about an hour, crying and crying, extremely sad.But when she thought that her death would only make those villains gloat even more, she wiped away her tears and walked down the stairs. She decided to cure the acne on her face.She firmly believes that it can be cured.After returning home, my mother found nothing abnormal at all, because the footprints on her face had been washed off. Since then, Shuli has been keen on visiting libraries and bookstores.Needless to say, books on cosmetology, even difficult medical works, she has dabbled in.She also tries to save her pocket money as much as possible, as going to a specialist hospital can be expensive. But doing so made her fall into absolute isolation in the class.In order to shorten the time spent in school as much as possible, she does not participate in any club activities and does not socialize with her classmates.She didn't care about these, anyway, she didn't have many friends.The male students didn't pay much attention to her from the beginning, while the female students were laughing and joking on the surface, but said bad things behind their backs.They all found Jerry disgusted, and said that getting too close to her would infect acne bacteria, so they didn't want to go to the pool with her.Shuli knew all these rumors. After getting out of them, they also came to pester her many times.Once, when Jili went back to the classroom to pick up something he had forgotten, he met those guys gathering in the classroom to make a fuss, and as a result, Jili was caught by them. "Hey, look, this guy isn't dead yet. Clean her dirty face." They roughly dragged Juri into the men's room, pressed her face into the toilet bowl, kicked and hit her.Daide was even more excessive. While humiliating Jyuri, he pretended to scream: "Juri! What a nice name! Juri!" Shuli made up his mind that no matter what they did to him, he would not cry, fight or resist.After a while, the three of them probably felt bored, so they said "Let's let you go today for now", pushed her down on the floor tiles of the men's room, and walked away.Shuli got up with difficulty, and tiptoed to the corridor, trying to escape from the school quietly.When she walked to the side door, she met Teacher Nanshan who taught social courses.Shuli's face was pale, his school uniform was messy, and he looked completely extraordinary.However, when Mr. Nanshan saw Shuli's face, he flinched for a moment, as if taken aback, then turned his face away without saying a word, as if he saw something filthy.He threw down the sentence "It's too early to leave school", and left without looking back. At that time, Juli didn't want to die.She said to herself: I must never admit defeat.I must cure the acne on my face.Once acne is cured, the world will change.There is no acne on the face, that is, before the fifth grade of elementary school, Juri is a girl who is introverted, but gentle and kind, and has many friends.At that time, her image and the name Juri were not contradictory at all.Her friends call her "Juri, Juri" affectionately, and they all think the name sounds nice and are very envious. I can definitely go back to that era.As long as you work hard, you will be able to. must.must.must. But what about reality?What is the use of reading so many books and collecting so much knowledge?My mother doesn't want to change the family recipes, she can't listen to diet therapy, and she can't even think about buying medicinal cosmetics.She cried and begged her mother to take her to a specialist doctor, but she ignored it and said, "It's not necessary. If you have time to think about it, you might as well study hard." Shuli also begged her father, because she felt that his father was sometimes easier to talk to than his mother.But my father said: "It's normal to have some acne during puberty, why worry about it? Shuli, you are very cute, show some confidence." Shuli was desperate.Could there be a more disappointing reply than this? My father loves painting so much, and likes to talk about art so much. Could it be that he can't even distinguish the most basic beauty from ugliness? I am ugly incarnate.ugly.ugly.ugly.My classmates laughed at me and called me "acne devil". Dad he can't see.He couldn't see Shuli's face, or even his whole body.Because Dad didn't want to watch it at all. You will soon become a world-renowned painter——Dad, how many years have you been saying this?Decades?How long is the so-called "soon"? I look cute?It's not the same thing.It's not real anyway.Dad, he doesn't want to see the real thing, all he sees is his wish.I will soon be a world-class painter and my daughter is beautiful and lovely.He simply doesn't understand that no matter how strong the desire is, it will never become a reality. No, he understands.Maybe that's why he keeps running away.So does Juli.There is no way out anywhere.In this respect, there is no difference between father and daughter. Unless you can find a way out. If it continues as it is now, it is obvious that the only way is suicide. So I'm going to... I'm going to... "Juri, you haven't eaten anything." Jyuri just fiddled with the food on the plate with his chopsticks, but didn't deliver it to his mouth.Anger rose on the mother's face. "The weather is good today, I don't wear a little less. I seem to have a cold and my head hurts." Shuli made up a reason casually.It doesn't matter what you say.Whether it is the father or the mother, as long as they make up a reasonable reason, they will immediately accept it. Isn't that what it is now? Mother stretched out her hand across the dining table and touched Shuli's forehead: "Oh, it's true, it seems to have a fever." Where is the fever?How can there be such a heartless mother. "I'm going to bed. Thanks." Mother didn't stop Juri from leaving the table.Probably because Shuli said "thank you". "Our family is very strict in family education. Even at home, children must be polite and considerate." When Mr. Mori came to visit her home, her mother proudly chatted to her about this. Sennai!As he walked up the stairs to his room, Shuli couldn't help shivering.When I was promoted, I prayed devoutly: Mori and Nanshan must not be my class teacher.But God ignored it.God never takes Shuli me seriously. Sennai!She was complacent about her beauty in her heart, but she showed a nonchalant look on her face to conceal her arrogance.During the class meeting, she also said that "beauty is also a human ability", and the situation at that time will never be forgotten in the rest of her life.Even if it was half-joking, Mori was clearly looking at Jyuri with contemptuous eyes at that time.Juli noticed, and Moriuchi knew it well.She said that on purpose just to get Shuli to notice.She also smiled, as if to say: Look at you, how pitiful. At that time, there was another classmate who also realized the eye contact between Moriuchi and Jyuri, and that was Ryoko Fujino. Ryoko stared at the laughing Mori with sharp eyes.It was a while after Juli looked at her that she felt the gaze from Juli. Ryoko also turned her gaze to Juri, her gaze softened all of a sudden, and she immediately looked away rather understandingly. From then on, Jyuri began to hate Ryoko. Shuli didn't like Liangzi very much.But after that incident, her feelings for Ryoko turned into clear disgust and hatred. You and Mori are of the same breed, why pretend to be righteous?Even if another thousand years pass, you will not understand my thoughts.Why pretend to understand it? She is beautiful, has excellent grades, has both style and style, and has many friends.No hardships, no worries, you can receive preferential treatment anytime and anywhere.You clearly know this well, but you still want to pretend to be on the same front as me. Hypocrisy guy, just wait and see. Entering the room, Juli sat at the desk and opened the drawer.Jyuri put in a lot of effort because her mother would check the drawers without her own will.She had fitted the drawers with double bottoms, which you couldn't tell unless you looked carefully.Now, she pushed aside the notebook and the clippings from the magazine, and pulled out a thin, clear plastic folder from the bottom of the drawer. A smile appeared naturally on her face. At first, she wanted to borrow the word processor that her mother used to type New Year's cards, but the machine would leave traces after typing.As long as Shuli has used a word processor, her mother will definitely check what words she has typed, so that the truth will be revealed. She decided to use the most primitive method: sticking to the ruler and drawing stiff characters.Although time-consuming and labor-intensive, the result is satisfactory. No one would have thought that these words were written by Juli.She also deliberately took the bus to the convenience store to make a few copies.Letters with the same content need to be sent in triplicate. Three express letters like that were dropped into the mailbox at the Yaesu entrance of Tokyo Station today. How should the manuscript be handled?It's better to keep it, but it's dangerous to do so.Even if there are traps in the drawer, absolute safety cannot be guaranteed.It would be more dangerous to simply shred and throw it away.When taking out the trash, my mother would become suspicious, and she might put the pieces of paper together to read. Even if she couldn't read all the papers, as long as she could read one line, it would put Juli at a disadvantage. After the mother goes to bed, quietly put it into the father's ashtray and burn it?Or tear it to shreds and flush it down the toilet?If the toilet is blocked, it will be self-defeating. Then stay a little longer, at least for tonight. Tomorrow is the opening ceremony.Will the dispatched letter arrive before then?It must have been after evening that the riots started. If I knew it would be so simple to actually do it, I wouldn't have told Asai Matsuko.树理现在很后悔，可刚想到时，心里根本就没底。不跟什么人讲一下，现察对方的反应，就下不了决心。而树理能够想到的人只有松子。 松子听了她的计划后既惊讶又惊慌，甚至有点狼狈不堪。她眼泪汪汪地说：“树理啊，你把如此重大的事情藏在心底，一定很痛苦吧？” What a fool.如果我能变漂亮，能够找回自信，并且到那时仍跟松子保持朋友关系，那么在别人眼里，我们两人或许会成为藤野凉子和仓田真理子这样的拍档。对于凉子与真理子的关系，女生都感到不可思议。 “藤野为什么和仓田关系那么好？” “肯定是仓田缠着藤野，藤野不忍心甩掉她。因为藤野心地善良嘛。” 说什么呢，你们这些笨蛋！凉子她心里明白着呢。跟仓田真理子交往，就能轻而易举地给自己戴上优等生的面具，给人留下不傲慢又心地善良的好印象。 我也会跟她一样吗？还是比藤野凉子更实在，不和松子在一起？ 如果我能变漂亮的话。 会的，一定会变漂亮的。 可是眼下，首先得保证自身的安全。为了不再被人踹后背，被人摁到抽水马桶里；为了不再独自站上高楼的外楼梯，手扶栏杆待上个把小时，泪流满面地想象自己跳楼的模样；为了不再捏着刀片，泡在浴缸里失声痛哭。 我必须对那三个如此凌辱我的家伙实施应有的报复。 为此我不得不这么做。想好字句，借助尺子，一笔一划地写出举报信。 这是正当的行为。 I saw it.我确实看见了。所以才决定不再保持沉默。 三宅树理的嘴角形成了一条直线。这是借助世界上所有的尺子都划不出的，一条完美的直线。这是一条标示出正义与复仇两点间最短距离的直线。这条直线的起点和终点，只有树理自己知道。
Notes:
"Did you find the reference book?" asked the mother. Shuli didn't understand what she meant at once.She looked up from her dinner plate and looked at her mother across the table.As soon as a mouthful of rice was put into her mouth, the mother could only bite her chopsticks and stare blankly at Juri. "Have you been there? The Book Center." By the way, when I went out during the day, my mother asked me where I was going, and I lied, saying that I went to the Yaesu Book Center with Matsuko to buy reference books, because there were no books I wanted in the nearby bookstores. "Well, I went there, but I didn't buy it." "Don't you have any books to buy?" "Too many, too picky." Mother chewed the food in her mouth and smiled knowingly: "Look." "Do you want to return the money to Mom?" "No. You'll want it again anyway, won't you?" Shuli has no appetite at all. Only the table for the mother and daughter was quiet.A chandelier hangs over the table, and the greasy dishes glisten in the yellow light.Jyuri once begged her mother not to cook fried and fried dishes, which can easily cause acne.But no matter how much she persuaded, my mother didn't want to change the menu.The reason she gave was that animal fats are necessary for growing children.Shu wanted to eat vegetable salad, but his mother would flatly reject it, saying that cooked vegetables can allow people to absorb fiber and absorb nutrients more effectively than raw and cold salads.So what is served on the table is always fried and fried food.To cook the dishes, steaming and boiling are also good ways, but my mother finds it troublesome and refuses to do it.After all, she only cooks dishes that she wants to eat without any fuss. It is written in beauty books that if you want to change your skin condition, it is best to change your eating habits first. "This is a formal beauty book written by a doctor." Shu Lili used this to convince his mother, but her mother immediately dismissed it. When it comes to changing eating habits, it is better to give up snacks first.It's just a stealing concept. Shuli proposed to see a dermatologist, and her mother would say that acne in adolescence is not a disease, as long as the face is kept clean, without makeup, and the skin is directly exposed to the air, it will naturally heal.Acne, who hasn't grown one or two? "There are also people who don't grow any of them. It's so serious that I'm the only one in the whole grade." "That's because you went to buy those unknown medicines and rubbed them on your face. As long as you don't mess up the medicines and self-defeating, you will be fine." The result of the discussion is always this: none of the parents and their brothers and sisters have had such severe acne, indicating that it is not caused by the constitution inherited in the family.As long as Jyuri doesn't make a fuss, he will be fine soon, but nervousness will affect the skin instead. In the end, the mother will make such a unilateral judgment. "It's all about anxiety anyway, isn't it? Just take it easy and everything will be fine." Shuli also wanted to relax a little.However, if you want to feel relaxed, you must first have smooth skin and make yourself full of confidence.I also hope to be able to face the people around me openly.What my mother said was completely putting the cart before the horse.Why doesn't she understand? Shuli moved the chopsticks slowly, removed the pork belly from the stir-fry, and asked at the same time, "Where did Dad go today?" "Yokohama. Said that his new work will be finished soon." "Are you coming back late?" "Probably." The mother glanced at the clock while eating, "Tell us not to save dinner for him. We should go to the bar we often go to with everyone." Shuli's father is a so-called "Sunday painter" because he is an office worker and painting is not his profession.He himself has always regarded himself as a "painter". Although he does not make a living, he believes that his creative attitude is the same as that of professional artists, and it is by no means comparable to those Sunday painters who draw a few strokes for fun. Once, Shuli was irritated by his father's self-righteous art theory, so he retorted: "But the "Erguanghui" that Dad joined, isn't it just a group of people who draw two strokes out of interest? Those who come to our house to play , no one considers themselves a professional painter. No matter what your creative attitude is, as long as no one is willing to pay for your paintings and decorate the living room with your paintings, you can’t call yourself a professional painter. Isn’t it?” Unexpectedly, the father was furious, and even his face changed: "You are a child, what nonsense are you talking about? Aren't those famous painters unable to sell their paintings when they were alive and living a poor life? Do you know Van Gogh? Right? No one would buy his paintings during his lifetime, but can you say that Van Gogh was not an artist?" It's really 18 fallacies, Shuli thought to himself.Just like my mother, I know how to change concepts secretly.I'm talking about you, Dad, why do you want to support Van Gogh? For the modern art that Juli likes, his father has always disliked it. He said that in today's art world, it is a dead end for those who can't even draw to graffiti on the wall.This would suffocate a true artist. Modern art does have such a side.Even among highly rated works, there will be works that even a junior high school student like Juli can see that they are fooling people.But Juli knew very well that even if there were real artists who died of suffocation, his father was definitely not among them. My father has been drawing since he was a teenager.He once passed the Tokyo University of the Arts, but failed. Instead, he entered the economics department of an ordinary university. After graduation, he worked in a large home appliance company and has worked so far. Due to the high annual income, my father would take the family abroad once a year for a trip.This is just a sightseeing tour for mother and Jyuri, but for father, it is a trip for painting and creation.No matter where he goes, he always takes his painting tools with him.When he checked his luggage at the counter at the airport, he would show a fake smile and take the initiative to explain that there were valuable painting tools stored in the suitcase.If the service staff in front of the counter listened and said something like "You are a painter", he would straighten his back and talk endlessly, saying that his works had been selected for such-and-such art exhibitions, and which scenery he planned to paint during this trip Wait, it seems that they don't know that the other party just agrees with him casually out of work needs. Not only when traveling, but even when dining out or shopping, my father would take the opportunity to show off to others.At this time, Shuli would feel ashamed and keep a distance from his father as much as possible.Not only now, but as early as the fourth and fifth grades of elementary school, she was already like this.Even children, at this age, are perfectly able to tell whether someone's smile is a fake one hiding confusion and disgust, or a genuine smile of kindness and respect. What she couldn't tolerate the most was that the father would ignore his daughter's thoughts and drag Jyuri into his self-promotion. "This is my daughter, named, I named her. Such a name, no matter which country people hear it, they will feel kind." At this time, Shuli really wanted to die on the spot. It was okay when I was a child, after all, the sense of shame was limited to the gap of "a Japanese girl with ordinary features has a foreign name".However, starting from the second semester of the sixth grade of elementary school, pimples began to appear on Juli's face one by one, and after entering junior high school, his whole face became even more messy.Since then, she can't stand the name "Juri" anymore. So after entering the second year of junior high school, Juli asked her parents to change her name. Chengdong No. 3 Middle School has to be divided into classes every school year.At the first class meeting of the new semester, everyone has to give a one-minute self-introduction.When it was Juli's turn, she only reported her name and sat down straight away.But even so, she could still hear everyone's low titters.Not only the new classmates who saw Juli for the first time after being divided into classes in the second grade, but also the old classmates who were in the same class in the first grade.Even if they didn't laugh out loud, Shuli could hear them clearly. So to build an ideal, at least change the name.Parents, however, don't understand at all.My father even teased with a rhetorical question: "Do you want to change the spelling to Katakana?" That night, Jyuri went into the bathroom with a razor blade she bought from a convenience store.She thought about death.However, when she put the blade on her wrist and stared at her snow-white arm, she couldn't make up her mind, and couldn't help but burst into tears. The skin on the inside of Juli's arm is beautiful, thin and white, the skin that a fourteen-year-old girl should have.But why did his face become like this?No, not only my face but also my neck and back have been getting pimples lately.It will fester after it grows, and it will grow back after it festers, and it keeps repeating, leaving ugly scars.The scars have not yet faded, and new youthful jaundice will grow again. It was almost like being cursed by a demon. It wasn't the first time she thought about dying, either.Not long after entering junior high school, she had already thought of that group of villains when she first encountered the gang of three, Ode, Iguchi, and Hashida.She ran and fled home that day.At that time, my mother went out to buy things. She ran into the bathroom by herself and looked in the mirror. She clearly saw her face, which was slightly swollen due to acne, and there were still big shoe prints.At that time, she also thought about death.She washed her face, changed her clothes, put on her shoes, and came to the nearby high-rise residential area.She wants to jump off a building.
She stood on the platform at the top of the outer stairs of the high-rise building for about an hour, crying and crying, extremely sad.But when she thought that her death would only make those villains gloat even more, she wiped away her tears and walked down the stairs. She decided to cure the acne on her face.She firmly believes that it can be cured.After returning home, my mother found nothing abnormal at all, because the footprints on her face had been washed off. Since then, Shuli has been keen on visiting libraries and bookstores.Needless to say, books on cosmetology, even difficult medical works, she has dabbled in.She also tries to save her pocket money as much as possible, as going to a specialist hospital can be expensive. But doing so made her fall into absolute isolation in the class.In order to shorten the time spent in school as much as possible, she does not participate in any club activities and does not socialize with her classmates.She didn't care about these, anyway, she didn't have many friends.The male students didn't pay much attention to her from the beginning, while the female students were laughing and joking on the surface, but said bad things behind their backs.They all found Jerry disgusted, and said that getting too close to her would infect acne bacteria, so they didn't want to go to the pool with her.Shuli knew all these rumors. After getting out of them, they also came to pester her many times.Once, when Jili went back to the classroom to pick up something he had forgotten, he met those guys gathering in the classroom to make a fuss, and as a result, Jili was caught by them. "Hey, look, this guy isn't dead yet. Clean her dirty face." They roughly dragged Juri into the men's room, pressed her face into the toilet bowl, kicked and hit her.Daide was even more excessive. While humiliating Jyuri, he pretended to scream: "Juri! What a nice name! Juri!" Shuli made up his mind that no matter what they did to him, he would not cry, fight or resist.After a while, the three of them probably felt bored, so they said "Let's let you go today for now", pushed her down on the floor tiles of the men's room, and walked away.Shuli got up with difficulty, and tiptoed to the corridor, trying to escape from the school quietly.When she walked to the side door, she met Teacher Nanshan who taught social courses.Shuli's face was pale, his school uniform was messy, and he looked completely extraordinary.However, when Mr. Nanshan saw Shuli's face, he flinched for a moment, as if taken aback, then turned his face away without saying a word, as if he saw something filthy.He threw down the sentence "It's too early to leave school", and left without looking back. At that time, Juli didn't want to die.She said to herself: I must never admit defeat.I must cure the acne on my face.Once acne is cured, the world will change.There is no acne on the face, that is, before the fifth grade of elementary school, Juri is a girl who is introverted, but gentle and kind, and has many friends.At that time, her image and the name Juri were not contradictory at all.Her friends call her "Juri, Juri" affectionately, and they all think the name sounds nice and are very envious. I can definitely go back to that era.As long as you work hard, you will be able to. must.must.must. But what about reality?What is the use of reading so many books and collecting so much knowledge?My mother doesn't want to change the family recipes, she can't listen to diet therapy, and she can't even think about buying medicinal cosmetics.She cried and begged her mother to take her to a specialist doctor, but she ignored it and said, "It's not necessary. If you have time to think about it, you might as well study hard." Shuli also begged her father, because she felt that his father was sometimes easier to talk to than his mother.But my father said: "It's normal to have some acne during puberty, why worry about it? Shuli, you are very cute, show some confidence." Shuli was desperate.Could there be a more disappointing reply than this? My father loves painting so much, and likes to talk about art so much. Could it be that he can't even distinguish the most basic beauty from ugliness? I am ugly incarnate.ugly.ugly.ugly.My classmates laughed at me and called me "acne devil". Dad he can't see.He couldn't see Shuli's face, or even his whole body.Because Dad didn't want to watch it at all. You will soon become a world-renowned painter——Dad, how many years have you been saying this?Decades?How long is the so-called "soon"? I look cute?It's not the same thing.It's not real anyway.Dad, he doesn't want to see the real thing, all he sees is his wish.I will soon be a world-class painter and my daughter is beautiful and lovely.He simply doesn't understand that no matter how strong the desire is, it will never become a reality. No, he understands.Maybe that's why he keeps running away.So does Juli.There is no way out anywhere.In this respect, there is no difference between father and daughter. Unless you can find a way out. If it continues as it is now, it is obvious that the only way is suicide. So I'm going to... I'm going to... "Juri, you haven't eaten anything." Jyuri just fiddled with the food on the plate with his chopsticks, but didn't deliver it to his mouth.Anger rose on the mother's face. "The weather is good today, I don't wear a little less. I seem to have a cold and my head hurts." Shuli made up a reason casually.It doesn't matter what you say.Whether it is the father or the mother, as long as they make up a reasonable reason, they will immediately accept it. Isn't that what it is now? Mother stretched out her hand across the dining table and touched Shuli's forehead: "Oh, it's true, it seems to have a fever." Where is the fever?How can there be such a heartless mother. "I'm going to bed. Thanks." Mother didn't stop Juri from leaving the table.Probably because Shuli said "thank you". "Our family is very strict in family education. Even at home, children must be polite and considerate." When Mr. Mori came to visit her home, her mother proudly chatted to her about this. Sennai!As he walked up the stairs to his room, Shuli couldn't help shivering.When I was promoted, I prayed devoutly: Mori and Nanshan must not be my class teacher.But God ignored it.God never takes Shuli me seriously. Sennai!She was complacent about her beauty in her heart, but she showed a nonchalant look on her face to conceal her arrogance.During the class meeting, she also said that "beauty is also a human ability", and the situation at that time will never be forgotten in the rest of her life.Even if it was half-joking, Mori was clearly looking at Jyuri with contemptuous eyes at that time.Juli noticed, and Moriuchi knew it well.She said that on purpose just to get Shuli to notice.She also smiled, as if to say: Look at you, how pitiful. At that time, there was another classmate who also realized the eye contact between Moriuchi and Jyuri, and that was Ryoko Fujino. Ryoko stared at the laughing Mori with sharp eyes.It was a while after Juli looked at her that she felt the gaze from Juli. Ryoko also turned her gaze to Juri, her gaze softened all of a sudden, and she immediately looked away rather understandingly. From then on, Jyuri began to hate Ryoko. Shuli didn't like Liangzi very much.But after that incident, her feelings for Ryoko turned into clear disgust and hatred. You and Mori are of the same breed, why pretend to be righteous?Even if another thousand years pass, you will not understand my thoughts.Why pretend to understand it? She is beautiful, has excellent grades, has both style and style, and has many friends.No hardships, no worries, you can receive preferential treatment anytime and anywhere.You clearly know this well, but you still want to pretend to be on the same front as me. Hypocrisy guy, just wait and see. Entering the room, Juli sat at the desk and opened the drawer.Jyuri put in a lot of effort because her mother would check the drawers without her own will.She had fitted the drawers with double bottoms, which you couldn't tell unless you looked carefully.Now, she pushed aside the notebook and the clippings from the magazine, and pulled out a thin, clear plastic folder from the bottom of the drawer. A smile appeared naturally on her face. At first, she wanted to borrow the word processor that her mother used to type New Year's cards, but the machine would leave traces after typing.As long as Shuli has used a word processor, her mother will definitely check what words she has typed, so that the truth will be revealed. She decided to use the most primitive method: sticking to the ruler and drawing stiff characters.Although time-consuming and labor-intensive, the result is satisfactory. No one would have thought that these words were written by Juli.She also deliberately took the bus to the convenience store to make a few copies.Letters with the same content need to be sent in triplicate. Three express letters like that were dropped into the mailbox at the Yaesu entrance of Tokyo Station today. How should the manuscript be handled?It's better to keep it, but it's dangerous to do so.Even if there are traps in the drawer, absolute safety cannot be guaranteed.It would be more dangerous to simply shred and throw it away.When taking out the trash, my mother would become suspicious, and she might put the pieces of paper together to read. Even if she couldn't read all the papers, as long as she could read one line, it would put Juli at a disadvantage. After the mother goes to bed, quietly put it into the father's ashtray and burn it?Or tear it to shreds and flush it down the toilet?If the toilet is blocked, it will be self-defeating. Then stay a little longer, at least for tonight. Tomorrow is the opening ceremony.Will the dispatched letter arrive before then?It must have been after evening that the riots started. If I knew it would be so simple to actually do it, I wouldn't have told Asai Matsuko.树理现在很后悔，可刚想到时，心里根本就没底。不跟什么人讲一下，现察对方的反应，就下不了决心。而树理能够想到的人只有松子。 松子听了她的计划后既惊讶又惊慌，甚至有点狼狈不堪。她眼泪汪汪地说：“树理啊，你把如此重大的事情藏在心底，一定很痛苦吧？” What a fool.如果我能变漂亮，能够找回自信，并且到那时仍跟松子保持朋友关系，那么在别人眼里，我们两人或许会成为藤野凉子和仓田真理子这样的拍档。对于凉子与真理子的关系，女生都感到不可思议。 “藤野为什么和仓田关系那么好？” “肯定是仓田缠着藤野，藤野不忍心甩掉她。因为藤野心地善良嘛。” 说什么呢，你们这些笨蛋！凉子她心里明白着呢。跟仓田真理子交往，就能轻而易举地给自己戴上优等生的面具，给人留下不傲慢又心地善良的好印象。 我也会跟她一样吗？还是比藤野凉子更实在，不和松子在一起？ 如果我能变漂亮的话。 会的，一定会变漂亮的。 可是眼下，首先得保证自身的安全。为了不再被人踹后背，被人摁到抽水马桶里；为了不再独自站上高楼的外楼梯，手扶栏杆待上个把小时，泪流满面地想象自己跳楼的模样；为了不再捏着刀片，泡在浴缸里失声痛哭。 我必须对那三个如此凌辱我的家伙实施应有的报复。 为此我不得不这么做。想好字句，借助尺子，一笔一划地写出举报信。 这是正当的行为。 I saw it.我确实看见了。所以才决定不再保持沉默。 三宅树理的嘴角形成了一条直线。这是借助世界上所有的尺子都划不出的，一条完美的直线。这是一条标示出正义与复仇两点间最短距离的直线。这条直线的起点和终点，只有树理自己知道。
Notes: