Chapter 13 Chapter 06 Deviation Reaction

When I came back to my senses, I had already returned to the bathroom just now.I vaguely remember that I was almost carried back by Gao Qian.She couldn't be seen around, so she should have gone back to the living room where everyone was. I stood alone in the bathroom, looking out the small window at the river behind me.The sun began to set, and the outlines of the surrounding scenery gradually merged into the setting sun.Right there, I suddenly fell into an illusion, as if the red figure of the car that should have gone away appeared in front of my eyes—— I look in the mirror.A woman with a stiff face, a sound of laughter or crying from her throat, and a messy complexion looked back at me.Never seen such a woman before.The tired dark circles that seemed to have been accumulated for many years were deeply carved under the eyes, and the dark complexion was as gloomy as a shrine. She looked back at me from the opposite side of the mirror.

It probably belonged to Professor Shirai's wife. In the bathroom, facial cleansers and various cosmetics were neatly arranged by category.Corresponding to this beauty and neatness, the woman's face in the mirror showed a texture like a layer of old-fashioned film—— Who is this...?I seriously asked the opposite side of the mirror.who are you? The woman in the mirror twitched her nose slightly, and a smile appeared on her face as if her nerves had been cut into silk—it was like an empty shell that could be seen through at a glance, leaving only dry Baba's nothingness.Then without any prelude, the woman suddenly burst into tears, right on the frozen stiff smile, suddenly burst into tears.

For a moment, my vision went dark.It was as if he was about to faint.I took a deep breath, looked up, and saw myself in the mirror.Eyes swollen from crying, face crooked with tears.Can't find any other adjectives other than ugly.Staring at myself in the mirror, I was struck by another illusion, as if the person in the mirror was not myself, but some other unknown creature—— No, not some unknown creature, or anything else.There is no doubt that it is another me.No, that's not it.no no!not like this.It can't be another self.If so, I can relax.This ominous, sinful scene.If there is another self who can bear all these sins, if there is such a useful clone of himself.

But, I am who I am.I am the only one who is Yukaizi.There is only one Yukiko in this world who has been deceiving himself until now, and has kept his sins sealed, and that is—— I stared back at the woman in the mirror—and told her this was reality.Tell her not to cry.Tell her that she can't put on such an ugly face and blame everything on others. I turned on the faucet and let out hot water—yes. No matter how much she comforted me, nothing I did changed. Come on, catch the hot water with the palm of your hand. Soak your face in hot water. ——You actually like Jiang Zai. Gao Qian's voice seemed to echo in his ears again.

That moment was not so much frightened as it was completely unexpected.Not for anything else, but because I actually caused her such misunderstanding.Then gradually, the shock hit me like falling from a cliff to the bottom of a valley. --no…… I stood up and caught up with Takachi who was about to return to Shirai's house. --no!No...it's not like that... I was so embarrassed that I almost fell to the ground.Gao Qian hugged me. - Don't keep blaming yourself.Think on the bright side, right? --unacceptable.In this way, it is really... to say such a thing... I... You clearly know how I feel—even though I wanted to say that, I couldn't make a sound because of sobbing.She gently held my hair.

——However, judging from what you just said about your actions, there is nothing wrong with this explanation, right? - No, it's just not... I choked up, and suddenly I understood.Maybe she was trying to comfort me.Or...or is this actually a punishment?Because I invaded the most important area for her, so she...? —Don't be angry, please... I suddenly had a premonition that I was going to deviate from reality.If I was even a little bit "that side" maybe I would go crazy about it...Suddenly I was terrified. —Forgive me, please, even if I am like this, please forgive me...

--I…… Her voice was as usual, inorganic and indifferent, without any cadence. —I am not angry.You haven't done anything unforgivable.right?It's just that you like him.Who can stop your feelings like this? Sure enough... I feel like falling into an abyss.Sure enough, she couldn't forgive me.But she can't let her continue to misunderstand like this.That does not work.Only this is absolutely... --no.I don't have any idea about him.No, really not.Only this is absolutely not the case.So, if...if I really look like this... ——Does it look like this? --that is because……

The words came to my mind like receiving an apocalypse. ——Because of guilt... Yes, for no other reason than that. ——Yes, that’s why.Just because of guilt... — Guilt?Guilt towards him? —Yes, so... If you explain it like this, everything makes sense.I have always had a sense of guilt towards Carpenter Tsai.so-- I didn't wipe my face with a towel.While waiting for the water on the face to dry naturally, the face in the mirror gradually calmed down.Although the eyes are still a little red, but there is nothing to do with it.I straightened my bangs and walked out of the bathroom. Voices could be heard coming from the living room.It was mainly the voice of Professor Shirai, and the voice of Jiang Zai who answered him.Xiao Ru's voice was mixed in from time to time.

I temporarily stopped, adjusted my breathing, and entered the living room.Roughly as I expected, everyone fell silent, and all eyes focused on me. The senior who was sitting on the sofa closest to me bowed slightly, and asked in a low voice: "... how are you doing, do you feel better?" The atmosphere at the scene seemed like everyone swallowed their saliva and waited for my reaction.I found that everyone interpreted my situation as being frightened by K's presence.At least Gao Qian explained it briefly to everyone with this setting.I'm sorry Ruu, but I'm really glad to be able to use K's matter as a cover-up.

Judging from the conversation I heard in the corridor just now, Professor Bai Jing and Jiang Zai were discussing literature issues.As long as the professor says that it has been adapted into a movie starring Elizabeth Taylor, the craftsman can immediately say that it is Edward Alby's "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf".The professor seems to like this drama very much, and he will talk about it as soon as he gets drunk, but since only Jiang Zai has read the original work, the only person who can talk to him is Jiang Zai.Although no one is drunk yet, the professor has already started talking about the play. This should be because the air at the scene is too heavy, and no one can find other suitable topics.

Who is Elizabeth Taylor's husband (probably because he was drunk so he would forget the answer every time, so far I don't know how many times I have asked this question during the banquet), I happened to ask the professor When this question came up, the professor and Jiang Zai stared at me stiffly.However, if this topic is suddenly ended now, the atmosphere at the scene will definitely become extremely heavy again... Everyone must be worried. When I saw Jiang Zai's serious expression, I always found it very funny.I was a little surprised myself, I just let my body obey the impulse honestly, and made a funny victory gesture.Although I'm not confident how much this shameful and ridiculous action can make me return to my usual "little rabbit", but the professor and the craftsman seem to be relieved to start small talk (rather than difficult literary discussions), and others have started Joining in the chat, it seems that I have succeeded in easing the atmosphere of the scene. "...Are you okay?" Xiao Ru, who sank all her body into the empty single seat, asked softly, with a very cute tone of feeling sorry for herself.Isn't this a reversal of status? Obviously, I should be the one to comfort her. "Well, it's okay, it's okay." Could it be, it suddenly occurred to me that maybe Xiao Ru thought so—the reason why I was hit so hard by K’s incident was because I might have had similar experiences of being stalked by a stalker— — That's why she comforted me so much.Indeed, it is not wrong to say that there is a similar experience.It's just that my situation is different from hers. I'm not the one being followed, but the one following others. Stalker...a word that sucks.But this can happen to anyone.Whoever takes one wrong step may become the perpetrator.Just like K.I am afraid that this word is synonymous with pure longing. Now I can understand K's feeling of relief after being admonished by the senior.Rather than understanding him in his head, it is better to say that he experienced it personally. K became dependent on his own behavior and probably suffered from it.I hope from the bottom of my heart that I can be freed from this obsession and gain freedom.At this time, Senior Piao Piao appeared, which can be said to have helped him a lot, and made him feel at ease.At least I can't deny the possibility. By chance, I met Gao Qian's eyes.Being stared at by the blue pupils in her white eyes, my consciousness gradually faded away.I remembered the first time I saw her and almost lost my sense of self like this.That feeling of forgetting the present moment.The rationality captured by her just floated to "that side", which made people feel terrifyingly intoxicated. Why do people become obsessed?Is this because people are unwilling to admit that there are things in this world that they can never get their hands on?Maybe it is.At least I do.Only Gao Qian, "Miss Takase", was something she couldn't claim for herself no matter how hard she struggled.I knew this fact long before I resorted to appeasement and finally became intimate with her.so-- What the hell is this?This feeling of myself.Is it hopeless?no.It should be said that it is more desperate than despair.because…… I don't want to do this - I thought to myself.No matter how much you want to take her as your own, there is no way to achieve it. I don't want to do this.Is there no way?No, there should be a way.For myself, I must think of some way. From the time when I am obsessed with this kind of thinking, people will be influenced by delusions and obsessions, and may behave like stalkers.Even if it is an autistic stalker like Yanzhu-kun who has no effect on the outside world, he may have this idea: as long as he persists, maybe one day it will have a certain effect... ...Blindly pursuing this kind of empty expectation, pursuing and relying on it, and finally began to escape from reality. If it's just pure despair, then there may be salvation.However, if you have been immersed in the state of refusing to admit that you are hopeless, in a sense, there is no cure.This is how I am.It must be so. The time spent with seniors and craftsmen so far.The small trips to the plateau, the long talks all night, etc., are really fun.I cherish every moment during this period.This feeling should not be faked.Probably not.but…… Maybe, because I was swayed by some kind of emotion, I might deliberately pretend to be very happy.If I keep smiling happily, maybe my wish will come true—what I rely on is this kind of empty expectation.So even if it's just an extra minute and a second, as long as I can be with her, as long as I do this, I should be able to become the person next to "Miss Takase". So in front of them, I am not a screwdriver, but I have been playing the role of "little rabbit".Among the four, they have been playing the role of a funny, witty, doll-speaking, and coquettish mascot from beginning to end.Hope to be loved by "Miss Takase", hope to be accepted by her.Maybe it's my guilt.I feel guilty because I didn't break into everyone's circle through legitimate means.Hence the price I paid.In order to forget that I was already in a place that I would never have been able to reach.That's why I deliberately acted very happy in the "now". I can't go on like this... I suddenly thought of it.If it continues like this, everything up to now will become a "lie".Memories with everyone, every minute and every second that makes people love each other, everything.will lose all meaning. What does it matter if it all started with a "lie" - if you don't have the courage to admit it... if you don't have the awareness to take responsibility for yourself, the deception will go on forever. So it's purely multiple choice.On the surface, I continued to play the role of "Little Rabbit" as always.The relationship with everyone will definitely continue.However, in the future, whether these experiences will become very meaningful memories, or just "lies", depends on how I choose.Whether you have to admit that you have been deceiving yourself, whether you can bear the pain after cutting off all these chains, will determine everything. I must find a way to make "Miss Takase" fall in love with me, fall in love with me, I have been wishing so... However, Taka-chi must have been in love with me long ago, since a long time ago.It's just because I can't see it with my eyes covered by my "lie".I have been addicted to the pursuit of those empty, futile, and meaningless things - obviously the other party didn't notice, and I continued to clamp the "little stone" into the crack of the "back door". so. So, I want to go on and on. There are high chien here.There are craftsmen.There are seniors.All the laughter here comes at the cost of something else...yes, the moments here are only there for the love that exists here and now. One day I have to part with "Miss Takase" - I can't escape this reality, but accept it, and accepting reality is the beginning of everything.Then put all the time full of love at this time deep in your heart.Sublimated into a memory that cannot be replaced by anything else. "—it doesn't matter, um, it doesn't matter." I repeated to Xiao Ru, and the smile that appeared naturally surprised me a little.I put on a new "bunny" coat that looks the same as before, but is actually completely different. "I'm sorry for making everyone worry. I didn't expect that I would be so depressed, hehe. Maybe I'm too tired recently. I always feel like I've been drinking too much recently." "Ah, yes. This must be the reason." As expected of Xiaoxi, who is all-pervasive, he immediately picked up the conversation, "I have gradually understood recently, Xiaoyou is really so good every time, drinking with everyone so hard." For the ball thrown by Xiaoxi, Xiaoru and Hanyin, Gao Qian and Jiangzai, and even the professor responded wonderfully: Everyone turned their eyes to Senior Piaopao and stared at him. "What, what's wrong?" The senior panicked as if being hit by countless balls falling from the sky, "What's the matter with everyone? How can this be, as if it's all my fault— —” "Huh? But, except for the senior, I don't remember that anyone else invited me to have a drink together? Right? Everyone, it's true, right?" "Yes. It might be a little inappropriate to say that." Gao Qian replied so rudely, "Speaking of which, we are all allies of the victims who were forced out by this man to drink with him. It's almost time for him to know It's a reality that not everyone can drink like him." "Hey, Gao Qian, it's not convincing for a drunkard like you—" "Of course, Jiang Zai is a different matter. As for Jiang Zai, you can take him out to drink at any time. He will be very happy to pay Xiao Piao to drink." "Eh—?" Carpenter seemed very reluctant. "What's the matter? Don't you want to?" "I didn't say that." "If he comes to call you, you will surely go to drink together?" "Of course I will." Jiang Zai's response was a bit too funny, Xiaoxi covered his mouth with both hands, and laughed unconsciously.The professor and Kanon also laughed at her chain reaction.Xiao Ru, who was still a little bit out of the tension, was also influenced by them, and finally showed the same cute smile as usual. Looking at her like this, I finally understood.Why I can't understand Xiao Ru.Why do you get angry unconsciously when you see her with Jiang Zai.I finally figured out the reason for this - the reason is Gaoqian. This isn't limited to Xiaoru or the school clerk's Yakube-san, anyway I just don't want to see Takumi with other women, I can't stand this kind of thing.However, this is not because I (in fact, I am not particularly angry) like Jiang Zai.Taka-chi made a decisive mistake on this point.I just figured it out myself.In other words, I hope Jiang Zai can like Gao Qian.I don't allow him to be attracted to other girls.Because Gao Qian obviously cared about him very much.God, please do bring these two together...I pray so much.However, my thoughts may not be based on the feelings of the two of them, but only because of my own guilt.At least, that's how it was before. But it's different now.I don't want anyone else to come between the two of them, myself included.Even if it's—yes, even if it's a senior. but…… (Maybe I will take you back...) What Gao Qian said just now rang in my ears again. Could it be that-- Up to now, is her heart still shaking? Still indecisive? "Ah, it's really embarrassing to say it until now. It's rare for everyone to come, but the family is out because of something." Professor Shirai walked briskly.The voice is also different and full of tension.In order to change the mood, Professor Shirai took us to visit his newly remodeled house.It was getting dark gradually, and the lights in the room were brightly lit.It's not very good to say so, but all the lighting fixtures don't match the professor's impression, and they look very fashionable. I think this should be the taste of the professor's wife. Almost everyone relaxed their nervous nerves, leaving the professor to the seniors and the craftsman to deal with, and the girls including me shifted their interest to decoration and home furnishing.Ah, the pattern of this curtain is so beautiful, where did you buy it?The bench just now is from Italy, I think I want one too.It's like a housewife in the neighborhood doing chores.Finally, we have the real feeling that we are going to the teacher's house to play. "Totally missed you guys. I meant to ask her to say hello to everyone before going out, but she seemed to be in a hurry and left right away. I'm really sorry. Since I'm the only one at home, I really can't entertain her well. Everyone is really sorry. Ah, but I ordered takeout for everything I ate, so it’s okay. Kinoshita-san’s birthday party will also be held as scheduled.” "Oh, I'm relieved after hearing this." The senior hugged the short professor tightly, "To be honest, when I first found out that my wife was not at home, I was really worried that the banquet tonight would be cancelled. It's over." From the outside, it seems that the professor is someone who never does housework.In fact, he also admitted that he has never touched a kitchen knife, and he has never even boiled water. "Haha, actually, I was so worried at the beginning. If the takeaway also takes a break, maybe there is really nothing I can do." "Ah, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter at all, there is no problem at all. Even if it really becomes like this, these people who came today are all skilled. As long as you buy all the ingredients, you can prepare luxurious dishes in no time." "It's really reliable." Ah ha ha ha ha ha, happy laughter came from them.While squinting at these men, we girls continued to visit the house.After all, Shirai's house is larger than imagined, and there are more places to pay attention to than imagined.The corridor is wide enough for several people to walk side by side without being crowded.Various jars and bronze statues are placed on pedestals in various places, and paintings are hung on the walls.It seems that this spacious area is deliberately decorated in such a way that it does not look like a personal residence. It is probably to make this corridor look like a personal gallery. "—it looks as though the pictures hanging on the wall are all the work of the same artist." Just when the conversation was interrupted, Gao Qian muttered to himself, so everyone's eyes were focused on the painting on the wall.Being said so, it seems to be true. It is not the kind of deep, but relatively flat brush strokes that are common to all paintings.However, the signature is more complicated and cannot be seen clearly.I was wondering whose painting it was. "I'm ashamed, but these paintings are actually drawn by me." Huh?With the sound of surprise, everyone stopped. "Oh oh oh." The senior bent forward, staring closely at the painting of roses closest to him, "So it's like this. No wonder, no wonder. They are all paintings of high taste." Being able to say such flattering words so blatantly and uprightly, which comes out immediately after hearing it, can be regarded as the true skill of a senior.Probably because there is a magical sense of reality in the senior's words, which makes the professor feel that his paintings are not useless.It is worthy of being called "see you next time the middle-aged killer". Look carefully at the signatures in the corners of each painting. The English letter "RA" is sandwiched between the シ and イ of katakana.In addition, the font is completely distorted and collapsed, and all the strokes are connected together. If you don't say it, you can't tell the meaning of "Shirai" at all.It's a bit too grotesque and over-the-top. Having said that, for those of us who didn't know the professor had such a hobby, these are really good works.It's a bit too realistic. It's not so much the lack of painting sense, it's better to say that the artistic atmosphere is not enough, but from the artist's point of view, it doesn't look like a layman's painting at all. The more everyone looked at it, the more they felt admiration, so they went back to the gallery and looked at it one by one.Only Carpenter Zai probably saw these works the last time he came here, "Ah, this orchid is a new work." Even the comments are different from other people's. In this way, we turned around in the main building and the leaving building, and happened to circle the courtyard in the center of Shirai's house.According to the professor, there is a very long story about the origin of this patio. "In the past, there was only one house in Liguan, and my great-grandfather's family lived there. Later, in my grandfather's generation, the main building was built, and the original old house became Liguan. Then it came to my father's house. The generation rebuilt the house to connect the main building and the leaving building together.” "So," Xiao Ru pressed her face against the window, staring at the courtyard that has been merged into the dark night, "was this courtyard actually indoors before?" "Yes, put a roof on it." "It's so big, how many rooms does it have—" "No, it's used as an inner courtyard. There used to be a well there, and all domestic water was taken from that well. In my father's generation, that well was also filled. Now that I think about it, it's really a waste of space. .If you have pets, it’s justified. Originally, the main building and the outer building were going to be demolished and rebuilt. At that time, I couldn’t understand why my father would go out of his way to carry out such a large abnormal reconstruction work. In fact, I don’t know exactly what my father thought at the time. Maybe it was just because he couldn’t bear to demolish the main building and the leaving building where he was born and grew up. Therefore, although he made various modifications, he still chose to keep the building. The overall structure of the building, the way to continue living like this. If there is no reason to completely demolish and rebuild, that’s all I can think of.” "However," Gao Qian looked around, "Basically, the teacher has inherited your father's way." "Well, indeed, that is indeed the case. From the results, what I did was very similar to what my father did. In fact, I also thought that since I wanted to rebuild, it would be better to tear down all the buildings and build a new one. But when it came to a critical moment, my mood changed, and I felt that it would be better to keep the whole house as it was as long as it was rebuilt a little bit. When my father rebuilt the house, I thought it would be cheaper to tear it down and build a new one. Why? Do you want to do such a stupid thing as rebuilding? But when it happened to me, I still did the same thing as my father. Sure enough, they are father and son, and the blood relationship is really irresistible—” "Having said that, but the teacher and your father did exactly the opposite, separating the main building and the leaving building again." "Yes, remove the ceiling in the center, let the main building and the leaving building be connected only at both ends, like this, use the middle area as a patio, I didn't expect that I would actually do such a reconstruction. Why did I To do such a strange alteration? It will cost more money than a sloppy rebuild of a house." That is to say, the appearance of the Shirai family house is in the shape of a word.In the middle is a patio surrounded by the main building and the leaving building. But the professor's transformation is not exactly imitating his father.In this reconstruction, a library was rebuilt in addition to the main library and the outgoing library.It is the key point that Senior Floating said. "Speaking of which, you built a new library." Carpenter said.He should really want to see the professor's collection.Speaking of which, the professor's collection of books is really huge. From the living room to the corridor, as long as there is a little extra space, there are bookshelves. All kinds of original books and thick professional books that I can't even understand the titles are neatly arranged. placed on the bookshelf.Just these alone, the number is already very large.On this basis, it is actually necessary to build a separate library, which shows that the professor has a rich collection of books. "Oh, that's right, that's right." The enthusiasm of the lover made the professor's eyes narrowed, "I'll take you to see it right away, and for some reason, the library has taken soundproof measures. It won't be noisy. Neighbors around, so everyone can have a good time there tonight." "Wow!" The senior clapped his hands and jumped up happily, "This is really great." "Soundproof measures have been taken in the study? Is there any special reason for doing so?" Xiao Ru raised a natural question. "Because the musical instruments at home are kept there." "Musical instruments?" Carpenter tilted his head, "Huh? Is Madam interested in music?" "Huh? Ah, by the way," the smile on the professor's face gradually faded, "I probably haven't told you. Actually, the person at home now is not the same as the person I introduced to you last time." "what?" There was a soft sound of surprise from nowhere.By the way, my voice is also mixed in.Looking back, I have never met Professor Shirai's (both before and after) wives. "...In other words, you remarried?" "yes." "Then, your former wife, that..." Jiang Zai's expression is not so much surprised, it's better to say that he couldn't let go, "I'm rude to ask, how is she doing now?" The rest of us were at most a little puzzled besides surprise, but Jiang Zai gave people the feeling that he was at the end of his life.He had been here before the professor's house was remodeled. He must have been entertained by Professor Shirai's ex-wife at the time. This time, he suddenly changed to a new wife. No wonder he couldn't accept it psychologically. "Professor, could it be that your former wife... has passed away?" When Senior Floating asked this question, his face was obviously disturbed: If this is the case, I should not have heard of it.As the repeating king of Yasuki University, his self-confidence that he knows not only about the students but also about the faculty and staff has been shaken a bit. "No, I'm ashamed to say that, in fact, we reached an agreement to divorce some time ago." Divorce...a word that doesn't match Professor Shirai's impression at all.It's weird to say that, but I really think so, really. "At this age. Even I was a little surprised. I thought I would grow old with her. But it's a blessing that the children are now living independently." A slightly different heaviness from before floated into the air—in fact, it was an air of doubt rather than heaviness.Everyone didn't know how to react to this incident.I'm the same way, I can't get to the bottom of the matter and ask the professor about the details of his divorce and remarriage. "This is the so-called mature divorce. It's quite common these days." "Could it be that your wife proposed...?" Xiao Ru asked.Probably because he thought it was not a good question to ask, he covered his mouth with his hands in a panic after asking.She could be forgiven for thinking so.Because now the general divorce is caused by the fact that after the children have lived independently, the wife who has been taking care of the family as the husband's backing and busy with housework wants more time for herself and hopes to start a second life.There are many, many cases like this now, but—— "No..." The professor scratched his head, "If it's who proposed it, it should be regarded as my divorce." This kind of statement seems to have hidden secrets, which is even more suspicious. "Ah, but you have remarried, so congratulations, right, right?" Senior Floating might be trying to lighten up the atmosphere with light topics, but judging from everyone's thoughtful expressions, it seems that everyone is imagining the reason for the professor's divorce arbitrarily like when watching a variety talk show.In the midst of this, I was thinking about other things, and very vulgar ones at that.Actually, what I'm thinking is - the professor is really a rich man.Because, if he is not a rich man, how could he think of remodeling such a big house (and he himself admits that the price of remodeling is higher than building a new house), not only remodeling but also rebuilding such a beautiful house library.Almost at the same time as the remodeling of the house, the professor also completed the agreed divorce with his former wife.And since it was the professor who proposed the divorce, the professor's ex-wife naturally received a lot of alimony. Carpenter came here during the long vacation last year.At that time, the renovation work of the house had not yet started, and the professor's former wife was still there, and she was the craftsman entertained by the former wife.After only one year and two to three months, Professor Shirai's life has undergone earth-shaking changes.And these changes cost a lot of money. But even so (but this is only his superficial impression after all), it is completely impossible to see that these investments have caused a blow to the professor.That said, the professor is already very well off financially.It was later learned that the professor not only inherited a large amount of wealth from his ancestors, but also wrote nearly a hundred volumes of professional books and essay collections, each of which was a bestseller.Although few of his books are best-selling books that have skyrocketed in sales as soon as they are published, many of them are long-term best-sellers that sell well and have a long life. The income from royalties is much more than his own job.I was still prejudiced against books written by university professors, thinking that many people would not buy them. This fact had a great impact on me.In short, it is because of this background that Professor Shirai has the leisure to replace everything with new ones. Including the house and wife. I didn't have time to visit just now when I came in to see the river, and now I walked into the kitchen of Shirai's house again, and found that this place is really not ordinary.If you want, you can hold a big banquet with such a kitchen.It’s a waste to order takeaway when there is such a big and beautiful kitchen——I was thinking about it when I heard a scream mixed with grief, “Eh? Eh!” Looking back, it turned out to be creek. "What's wrong?" "Xiao, Xiaoyu..." She pointed to the takeaway kaiseki lunch boxes that had already been delivered, and one of the box's lids had been opened. "What's wrong with this?" "How much, how much, do you know how much this will cost?" "...Could it be, very expensive?" "It's more than that, it can be said to be ridiculously expensive." 这么说起来，虽然菜色都是刺身、天妇罗之类的没有什么特别的，不过仔细看就会发现所用的素材都是严选的材料，典雅的气质就像是要凸显自己的风格一样。涂漆的返还食具以及外卖用的箱子上都印着店的名字。据小溪所说，这是某个已经打入高级宾馆的有名的料亭连锁店。 “这些，我记得不含税，一人份的价格是——” 小溪嘴里说出来的价格，一点也不夸张地说，吓得我差点趴到地上。而且今天一共叫了八份……哇，就这些对于刚工作的新人来说，一个月的工资一下子就没了。 “真……真的？” “真的。真的是真的。我在相关的手机服务还是别的什么地方看到过菜单目录，和这个的内容完全一样。” what.我深深地叹了一口气，果然，对于教授是个有钱人的印象越来越深刻了。 “虽然教授这么上心是很开心啦，不过搞到这个地步总觉得……有点可怕啊。” “我也不是讽刺啦，不过可见教授真的很看重小瑠啦。” “我说的吧，”学长洋洋得意地说到，“在我说的那家店买蛋糕一点都没错吧。” 今天在来这里的途中，为了给小瑠准备生日蛋糕，大家把分摊的钱（当然不包括小瑠这个主角）凑在一起去买花式蛋糕的时候，漂撇学长在选择店家的问题上，感动到泪流满面地强力推荐某家又好吃又贵的蛋糕店。像学长这种酒鬼，对甜食也异常上瘾。酒精和甜食两手抓两手都硬，特别是对蛋糕，啰嗦到极点。“如果有新开店的话，先要去尝尝那里的泡芙。对，从泡芙的味道，就基本上能够看出这家店的手艺了。”虽然他一直这么说，不过在我看来，他只不过是特别喜欢加了奶油和鸡蛋的甜点而已吧。证据就是，今天学长一开始选中的就是草莓千层派蛋糕。 “确实如此。那个时候我还真的在想不用买那么贵的蛋糕的。现在看起来还好买了够档次的蛋糕。” “不过就算这样，和这些料理比也完全不在同一个层面上吧？老师也是的，何必做得这么夸张呢。” 好像大家都觉得我说的这话比较不合常理吧。 “摆排场也是男人的工作之一嘛。”学长就像很通情达理一样帮教授说话，“这样不是很好嘛。在我看来，能够迟到平时吃不到的豪华料理真该感谢教授呢。就不用客气了放开了吃呗。” “——我说，小漂。”高千举着菜刀，直指着学长，“男人进了厨房，就不要呆站在那，动动手、帮帮忙。” “知道啦，知道啦。” 现在在本馆厨房里的有高千、小溪、漂撇学长和我，一共四个人。我们正在准备给外卖料理的配汤以及下酒菜等等其他东西。 教授和匠仔、小瑠以及花音还在书库里，在庞大的藏书前谈论着哈罗德·品特怎么怎么了，伯纳德·马拉默德又怎么怎么了。无论如何都没办法融入到这种热烈的谈论氛围里的我们四个人逃到了本馆。 “匠同学和木下同学我还能理解——”小溪歪着头说到，“我没想到连牟下津同学都会对那种文学讨论感兴趣啊。” 我和学长对看了一眼。 恐怕并不是这样。对于教授、匠仔和小瑠之间的论题，花音大概连其中的一半都无法理解吧。就算她听到弗兰克·奥哈拉，罗伯特·潘·沃伦的名字，她也分不清哪一个是诗人哪一个是小说家吧。在她听到哈罗德·品特原作的《搜集证据》曾经被改编成由劳伦斯·奥利弗和阿兰·贝茨主演的电视剧，而且几年前曾经在NHK播放过时，稍微有一点反应，我敢打赌花音能理解的就只有NHK这个单词而已吧。就算这样她还是坚持跟他们三个人待在一起，是因为她把自己视为小瑠的骑士吧。不过我这么说的意思并不是说她坚持要履行她跟小瑠母亲的约定。 （——小瑠就由我来保护！） 下定决心的花音的声音又在我的脑里响了起来。这大概是因为她也同样受到男人单方面的纠缠而感到痛苦所产生的连带情感吧。又或者是因为有更深层次的无法言表的爱意在里面呢？不知道为什么，我总觉得后者的可能性更加大一点。跟小溪一直黏着高千不放有那么一点点相同。不过，回过头来想想，让小瑠和花音陷入痛苦之中的是同一个人物。被同一个男人所折磨的两位女性，如果互相之间产生了某种爱意的话，这种展开实在是太富有戏剧性了。啊，这种说法好像有点不太慎重。 我一边想着这些事，一边偷偷看了一眼正在切着葱的高千的背影。 “——说起来，”小溪从冰箱里拿出生姜，“白井老师的新夫人好年轻啊。还是说老师特意把她画地那么年轻的呢。” 刚才我们也去参观过了书库，书库的墙上也同样挂着教授本人所画的女性的肖像画。画的正是教授的新夫人。看上去确实非常年轻。当然，因为并不是照片，所以肯定有画家本人的主管印象融入在画里。不过就算去掉这些因素，看上去也让人很难相信这是教授的后妻。搞不好，看上去跟我们几个差不多年纪的样子。 “说不定，比漂学长还要年轻？” “怎么可能，小溪，再怎么样这也不太可能吧。真是这样的话，那么她的年龄要比教授的孩子们还要年轻啊。” “这我就不知道了，说不定真的还是学生呢。” “咦？学生？为什么？” “因为，刚才匠同学看到那幅画的时候表现地很吃惊吧。” 菜刀的声音停了下来，高千的背影凝固了。不过小溪并没有发现她的反应，还在继续说道。 “那难道不是因为教授的新夫人其实是他曾经碰到过的某个女学生吗？” “不可能不可能。”学长一下子就否定了她的说法，“这是不可能的。” “你怎么知道不可能？” “如果有那么漂亮的女学生的话，我怎么可能会不知道？” 小溪差点没有摔一跤，“但、但是，又不一定是安槻大学的学生。比如说，某个女子大学的学生——” “这样的话，匠仔就不可能会知道。” “又是这么信誓旦旦的。” “因为那个家伙连安槻大学的女学生的脸都记不全啊。” “话虽这么说啦，不过我总觉得他好像认识教授的新夫人的样子——” “说起来——”这个时候我也有是这么觉得的，“我觉得匠仔在看到那副肖像画的时候好像受到了不小的冲击。” “冲击？我倒是没有看出来——什么样的冲击？” “该怎么说呢……”虽然我有点犹豫，不过还是把一开始就想到的话直接说了出来，“打个比方，就好像是一下子知道了自己一直悄悄地抱有好感的女生，在自己不知道的情况下嫁给别人了时的那种样子。” 高千的背影，还是一如既往的没有任何反应。 “这不一样吧，小兔。因为，你看，那副肖像画的脸，随便怎么看都不是匠仔会喜欢的类型啊，对吧，高千？” “是啊。”就像什么都没有发生一样，高千手上的菜刀又有节奏地继续切着葱，咚咚，咚……“与其说不是他喜欢的类型，还不如说是跟他喜欢的类型完全相反吧。他喜欢的应该就像是小瑠或者药部小姐吧。” “如果只看那副肖像画的话，与其说是华贵还不如说有点艳丽过头了吧。虽然这么说很奇怪，不过从这种意义上来说，她应该是跟教授最无缘的那一种女性吧。他们两个到底是在哪里认识的啊？” “教授夫人会演奏乐器吧。” "seems like it." 占据着书库的三分之一的空间，放置着被装饰成细长的大钢琴样子的大键琴，不用说，这自然是夫人的乐器。虽然我不是很清楚，不过这好像是非常精密的乐器，房间里空调、除湿器一应俱全。大概是作为防音措施的一环吧，特殊制造的狭小的窗户都是双层构造的玻璃。 书库比我们预想的还要宽广得多，漂亮地多。“重点”之说并非徒有其表。天花板的房梁设置在让人要高仰着头仰望的非常高的位置。明明是一层楼的建筑，其内部空间却有两层楼那么大。建造使用的木材连外行人都能一眼看出来是高价值的优质良木。在这广大的空间里放着数量庞大的藏书，以及眼前这架大键琴。非常有特色的布置，又不失庄严。 就算藏书量如此庞大，整体的空间也一点都不显得狭窄。在藏书和乐器的中间，围成一圈，摆放着可以坐十个人左右的桌子，可以让人非常舒畅地谈天说地。说是书库，要比一般不怎样的住宅本身都要漂亮得多。不对，要建这样的一幢书库肯定要比建一栋不上不下的一室户住房要多花很多钱。教授是一个非常有钱的资本家的印象，又一次得到了证实。 “我也不是很清楚啦，不过老师不是自己有在画画嘛，那么他对于艺术肯定是有一定的理解的。说不定他以前很喜欢听他现在的夫人的演奏，在演奏会中两个人认识了，然后成为了艺术上的知己，渐渐地两个人就变得越来越亲密——这样的情况也不是不可能。” “啊，原来如此啊。这样的话我就能理解了。很有大学教授风范的古典式的邂逅。” 古典式的邂逅这种说法我是能理解啦，不过什么叫很有大学教授风范啊？完全不知道你在说什么。 “但是，”小溪好像灵光一现一样，竖起了食指，“这里面能够嗅到婚外情的味道哦。” “咦？婚外情？” “因为刚才不是说了老师之所以会跟前任夫人离婚，责任是在老师那一方吧。这样的话，也就是说，是因为老师跟现在的夫人有了不正当的关系吧——难道你不这么认为吗？” “恩……该怎么说呢，”看学长咬着牙不太好受的样子，看起来他也想到了这点，“总之，不管怎么样，教授也是个男人嘛——” “也就是说，”高千把盛着切好了的葱的木碗递给了小溪，“他抛弃了糟糠之妻。” “抛弃……喂，我说你啊——” “以前听匠仔说过，白井老师跟前一任夫人结婚的时候，还是他正就读研究生的时候。” "That's it." “虽然不知道具体情况是怎么样的，不过据说当时老师跟他的父母关系不是太好，几乎处于断绝亲子关系的状态。因为这样，所以他完全无法从父母那里得到经济上的支援。” “原来教授还有这样的过去啊。不过既然现在他已经继承了家宅，那么最终他们应该已经和解了吧。” “这我就不知道了。就算没有和解，在父母过世后，家宅也会自动被他继承吧。”虽然高千的口气非常平淡，但是就内容来说，听得出她还是非常辛辣的，“总之，支持老师度过那段艰苦时期的正是他的前一任夫人。那时候她抛头露面外出工作，把赚来的钱全都用来支持老师的研究工作。不用说老师一看就是个只顾着研究学问的人，自然不能在家务上帮夫人一把。夫人一边工作，一边包办了包括抚养孩子长大在内的所有家事，一家人一起度过了婚后生活中最艰辛的一段时间。要我来说，老师的前一任夫人才是真正需要画在画上的糟糠之妻。” “……不过……，”学长大概是感觉到了高千那静静的怒气吧，声音里稍微有点战战兢兢，“确实，从表面上来看，确实好像是教授非常冷酷地抛弃了前一任夫人。但是，事实也不全是这样吧。清官难断家务事，他们两个人的夫妻生活中到底发生了什么，外人谁也不知道吧。” “好吧，这也是匠仔从老师本人那里听来的话。也就是说老师本人也充分理解到没有他的前任夫人就没有他的今天这条真理——至少在当时的阶段他还理解。” “能够让他忘记这条真理，可见他现在的夫人的魅力之大了——是吧。” “就是这样。”觉得好像小溪给学长找了台阶下一样，“说起来，教授在聚会的时候，喝醉了也会一直说前任夫人的各种好话。那时候我还羡慕他们夫妻两个感情真好呢。居然能让他下定决心离开前一任夫人，可见他对现任夫人的迷恋之深。” “是有可能是这样，不过，反过来想一下，也是有可能的啊。” ……反过来想一下？高千的这句话让我一瞬间反应不过来。 “反过来想一下是怎么想？” 高千没有马上回答，而是看了我一眼，准确点来说，是看了一眼厨房的入口处，我正好站在厨房门口，所以眼神有一瞬间跟她的眼神正好对上。在我看来，她好像是在向我求证：现在没有人从书库过来吧。 “——我觉得，从根本上来说，我果然还是一点都没有改变啊。” "what?" “这个时侯，我更加有这种实感。” "what are you saying?" “也就是说，我最讨厌男人这种生物了。” “现在还说这个干吗？这种事情，不是所有人都知道的嘛。” 是吧，学长环顾四周寻找认同，小溪好像感到有点困惑。 其实我也一样感到有点困惑。不过我不是对学长的话感到困惑，而是对高千的话——从根本上来说一点都没有改变。也就是说，换句话来说，意味着她自觉到跟以前相比自己已经发生了某种改变。不用说，改变的契机自然是在今年寒假的时候她跟匠仔一起回了老家的那一次旅程。 “既然大家都知道，那么我就直说了吧。小漂，对于老师再婚这件事，我跟你的看法完全相反。” “所以说，就是在问你这相反是什么意思啊？” “重点在于，小漂觉得能让老师跟感情那么好的前任夫人分手，可见他与现在的夫人的相遇是命中注定的——你是这么解释的吧？” “对……我是这么认为的。”学长好像在警戒着高千的话里有什么陷阱一样，停顿了一下，“是这样没错。” “那么，小漂认为前任白井夫妻之间的感情很好的依据是什么呢？” “这当然是因为，刚才我不是说了嘛，教授经常在跟我们聚会的时候——” “喝醉的时候会说前任夫人的各种好处，是吧。我知道。我也听到过不止一次他这么说过。说什么这样的老婆配自己实在是有点太浪费了什么的，自己能有今天全都她的功劳之类的——全是这种意思的话。” “对啊，一点也没错。” “但是，从喝醉的人的嘴里说出来的，又不一定全都是实话。” "what?" “我觉得，人类这种生物就算是在喝醉的时候，也不会对别人说出自己心底的实话。” “喂喂，这可不对啊。” “不，就是这样的。是绝对不可能说出实话的。就算说了，那说的肯定都是些他希望别人能够相信的所谓的实话。” “这可不一定啊。我喝醉的时候，就会不自觉地酒后吐真言啊。晕晕乎乎地就把实话全说出来了。就因为这样还搞砸了很多好事。” “说得不好听点，你自己都希望自己能够相信这些都是实话。但实际上并不是这样。” “好听不好听先不管，你这种想法非常扭曲倒是真的。高千，你是想说什么？教授喝醉的时候跟我们说的前任夫人的各种好话并不是他的真实想法，而是他希望我们能够认为他是这么想的吗——你想说的就是这些吗？” “不是想让我们相信，而是想让他自己相信。” “想让他自己相信啊。” “刚才也说过了，老师对前任夫人应该是感到内疚的，正因为有了夫人的辛苦，才会有他的今天——老师虽然有些时候缺乏常识，神经上也少一根经，不过并没有到无法分辨出这条真理的地步。所以才无法抛弃这糟糠之妻。” “所以在喝醉的时候要说这些话给自己听吗？” “或者说在某种意义上对于自己的愿望起到一种牵制作用。” “愿望……牵制作用？” “明明自己一直在各种场合津津乐道地说自己夫人的好话，万一哪一天跟她离婚了——真发生这种情况的话也太掉价了吧。所以他才会这么做，以防自己哪一天真会做出这种蠢事，为了这个目的而做的保险。” “等一下，听高千这么说，就好像教授本来就有要跟前一任夫人分开的想法一样——这种强词夺理的说法就变成了所有事情的大前提了啊。” “不是我强词夺理，而是事实就是这样。” "Why are you so sure?" “老师的新夫人现在并不在家里吧。明明知道今天我们会来做客，还是决定外出，真的有那么紧要的事情吗？而且，都已经到了这个时间了，还完全没有回来的迹象。虽然我无法断言她肯定没有这么紧急的事情，不过我还是觉得是老师故意找了个借口让他的新夫人出去的。因为他心有愧疚。他是在和匠仔的谈话中，装作不经意地提到了自己再婚的事情，我想如果匠仔没有那么问，只要我们没有特意提到他的夫人，他是不会告诉我们他已经离婚并且再婚了这个事实的。” “再怎么说，这也是你想太多了吧。” “如果这样说是我想太多了的话，那么我换种说法，至少他不想在公开场合介绍他的新夫人给我们认识。这和他以前到处谈论他的前任夫人是同样的心理，因为他心中有愧。” “就算你说的这些都是真的，我还是觉得在过去，也就是在认识现在的夫人之前，教授并没有跟前任夫人分开的意思。” “不对，他有。” "Hello." “看清楚现实吧。他不是已经跟前任夫人分开了嘛。” “所以我就说嘛，先不管这个既定事实，还有其他各种各样的——” “而且，好好回想一下刚才匠仔说的话。” “是指他说的话的哪一部分？” “匠仔是在去年长假的时候来这里的，那个时侯前任夫人还在吧，大约一年零两三个月之前。” “是啊，这又怎么了？” “那个时候，关于白井家宅的改建工程应该已经在准备阶段了吧——这么想应该没什么问题吧，虽然匠仔那时候好像没有听说过这件事。” “对，这么想没什么问题。不如说这应该是理所当然的。要改建家宅的话至少提前一年就应该开始跟从业者讨论各种问题了。更何况这次的改建要比一般的改建更加费时费力。匠仔没有听说应该只是因为谈话中正好没有谈到这方面的事情，而实际的改建计划应该已经开展工作了。” “那么关于建造书库的事情呢？” “这当然也已经在准备了啊。” “是和改建家宅的计划同时进行的吗？” “应该是吧。就刚才我们看到的而言，无论是天花板上的房梁，还是书柜、书桌所用的木板，使用的都是非常上等的木材。虽然我不是什么内行，不过也能够在其中感到教授花费了很多心思。应该是从很久以前就制定了详细的计划吧。” “说起来——”我突然间想起某件事，“匠仔好像说过，去年来这里的时候，没办法把这里的藏书看个痛快吧。因为大多数的书都放在纸箱里堆在一起。” “和家宅改建同时进行的建造书库的准备在那个时候已经开始了啊。” “原来如此，”高千双手叉腰，慢慢地走向学长，“那么关于防音设备的计划在那时候也已经开展了吧。” “防音……” “老师的前任夫人，到底是不是个喜好音乐的人呢？” “不是……听刚才匠仔的口气，应该不是个会弹奏乐器的人。” “在书库设置防音设备的想法，一般情况下是不会有人会想到的吧。一开始就有在这里摆放乐器的计划——这种可能性不得不考虑进去吧。这样的话，也就是说，在去年匠仔到这里在做客的时候，现在的夫人已经在老师的生活中扮演了举足轻重的角色。难道你不这么认为吗？” Indeed.就算是学长也没办法反驳。 “明明那时候老师的前任夫人还住在这里，但是家宅改建计划的构想里已经完全没有了前任夫人的位置。” 也就是说，教授是因为婚外恋而走到了离婚、再婚的地步，这种想法得到了证明。 “在协议离婚还没有成立的阶段，他已经在做把婚外恋对象迎接到家里来的准备了。斗胆说一句，这真是非常可耻的行为。” 从高千的嘴里说出“可耻”这个词，让我不由的想要塞住自己的耳朵，就好像这个丑恶的词是在对我说的一样。 “如果这都不算是老师从很久以前开始就想要跟前任夫人分开的旁证的话，那什么才算是？当然，新夫人的突然出现也说明了新夫人的魅力所在，不过我认为，说不定老师在很久以前就一直在等着这个机会，有这么一个人物的出现的机会。” “或许你说的没错，但是，只要没有任何物证可以证明你的这种推理，那么就可以说，你所说的所有的内容都仅仅只是你通过教授已经离婚这个事实而做的演绎法而已。你怎么解释这点？” “不需要解释。因为无论怎么猜忌，只有他已经离婚了这个事实是不会改变的。” “高千啊，你好像自己都已经忘了你自己提出的论点了吧，你是说教授在此之前一直在各种公共场合做所谓的保险工作吧。一直不停的说自己前任夫人的好话，以牵制自己想要和前任夫人分开的不真诚的愿望。如果这都是真的话，那么现在的结果是他到底还是离了婚，也就意味着他真的是被逼到了不得不下离婚的决断，使得自己之前所做的那些保险工作全都失去了任何意义。也即是说，他所做的离婚、再婚的这个选择真的是非常至诚的——事情就可以解释成这样了哦。” 高千的嘴唇动了动，不过并没有说话。就这么沉默了下来，而且，这段沉默持续了很久。这种场面是非常少见的。与其说是少见，不如说是根本见不到，至少在此之前，我还从来没有碰到过，连一次都没有。 “这下你明白了吧。” 高千果然还是没有回答。 “这也就是说，有充分的理由可以相信，很有可能之前教授到处所说的自己的感情都是真实的。之所以会离婚，是因为他对新夫人的感情比他自己过去的感情更加强烈。至少作为外人来说，不坏有恶意地这么想是不会有错的。” “这些全都是……”有种“终于”的感觉，终于高千白了学长一眼，“所谓男人的歪理而已。” “这跟男人女人无关。就算教授是个无药可救的伪善者，有权利来揭发他的也只有他的前任夫人而已。我觉得像我们现在这样没有任何根据地谈论这些事情是很不应该的，至少，不是很得当。” 今天还真是个能目击到很多奇迹的日子啊。真的只有一瞬，我觉得高千的眼底染上了一点红色。当然只有一瞬而已，马上就恢复到平时的颜色。 “是啊……可能真的就像你说的那样吧。对不起。” “你不需要向我道歉啊。我能明白你的想法。如果研究生时代就结婚的话，到现在应该已经一起度过了三十多年的夫妻生活了。而且是名副其实的糟糠之妻。离开这样的妻子而选择过全新的人生，说实话，我也觉得有点无法释怀。不过，夫妻之间的事，男人和女人之间的事，外人是真的很难理解的。关于这一点，就算是男人和男人之间，或者女人和女人之间也一样。外人没有资格说三道四。” “……也有种情况就是就算选择了离婚这条道路，但是实际上心底并不想跟对方分开。” “说的一点也没错。并不是说不离婚就一定是好事。有种人一边维持着婚姻关系，一边继续对对方不忠，这种情况下，虽然从表面上看已经弥补了过错，