Chapter 10 Return (5)

——In the beginning, everyone forced Mrs. Miyako to have an abortion. everyone. Needless to say my father. And so was everyone else around her. The craftsman continued to explain. Still that faint tone. ——But Mrs. Miyako stubbornly refused to have an abortion.Although it is impossible to know her true thoughts, she can imagine that she can finally have a companion on her side... She must think so. her father and mother. There are two younger sisters. No matter who you are, you are not your own companion. The sick brother, from the point of view that he can't do anything, can't be regarded as his companion.

so…… So, at least my own children... She must have such a wish. but. "But..." Carpenter, who had always been in a calm tone until now, had a crack in his voice for the first time, "Let me make it clear that I am not actually my mother's companion." It was the first time he didn't address her as "Mrs. Miyako", but "Mother". "Why do we have to be her companions? I don't know what she thinks, but as far as I'm concerned, I think of her as an enemy rather than a companion. I have to think of her as Enemy. Her... mother, what she did to my brother... is absolutely unforgivable. I will never forgive what my mother did."

...absolutely unforgivable. This sentence made my whole body stiff. Actually... To say such hateful words from his mouth. It was from the mouth of the craftsman. Just because of this sentence. Just because of this sentence makes me paralyzed. Can't even move. Not even the tension to hide from the two of them. They all dispersed with the morning mist. ——As a result, my mother gave birth to me and my brother at the cost of dropping out of high school. But of course she couldn't raise us herself.It is also a matter of course that we were adopted by our father.My father still maintains that he had intended to marry her at that time.It is said that the reason why she did not get married was because of the objection of Mrs. Miyako's parents.Although they can feel their unusual attachment to the eldest daughter, but on this point, Mrs. Miyako's parents have a different opinion from her father. For them, what reason can they object to the marriage of these two people? ?That kind of plague god, if a man is willing to marry, he will drive her out of the house even if he offers a bride price.

In the end, no one knew whose statement was correct. In short, Mrs. Miyako and her father were not married.When my elder brother and I were adopted by my father, since the two of us could not become husband and wife, my father put forward a condition that Mrs. Miyako would never appear in front of my sons in the future.According to the father, when the parents of both parties were present, the two families agreed on this matter together, and both parties signed a document.I don't know whether it is true or not, at least I have never seen the actual document. That's it, my father married other women after that, and my brother and I have always believed that the woman who raised us was our mother for as long as we can remember, and we have never doubted it.

Then, when we were going from elementary school to junior high school, Mrs. Miyako suddenly appeared in front of us in the form of marrying our neighbor, Mr. Suzuki. The father who knew this was very surprised.My father intuitively felt that it was because Mrs. Miyako couldn't cut off her longing for her two sons, so she tried to get close to us by all means like this. Of course, no one knows whether this is true or not. Maybe Mrs. Miyako is simply in a relationship with Mr. Suzuki.However, none of the neighbors, including my father, thought so.Although it is rude to Mr. Suzuki to say so, it is impossible for a beautiful woman like Mrs. Miyako to approach such an ordinary person as Mr. Suzuki if she has no other purpose.This view can almost be said to be the consensus around.It's just that other than the father, the other residents don't know what the so-called other purpose refers to.Mr. Suzuki is not very rich, and there is such a troublesome mother-in-law.If there is any other purpose, then there must be some very deep reason behind it—this is roughly the level of understanding of other people.But these are all insignificant things.

In short, my father became very angry because this was different from the original agreement.So, as said earlier, he started spreading rumors around that Mrs. Miyako was a lecherous woman who could sleep with any man.Of course, regarding this point, if it was in the past, it might be considered a fact, but at that time, it was completely different. This is something I only found out later. After we were taken away, Mrs. Miyako has been concentrating on receiving treatment, regarding the treatment of sexual dependence.Even if I don’t rely on alcohol, I can live a good life, and I can live a good life even if I don’t buy those meaningless things. The treatment method is essentially the same as the method to regain this confidence.Even if she goes against the will of her body and does not sleep with men, she can still maintain mental stability and live an ordinary life. In order to regain this confidence and maintain a stable mental state, she received psychological counseling.

In addition, Mrs. Miyako also had very troublesome dissociation symptoms.You may have heard of this term, and it can also be called dissociative identity disorder. Children who are mentally unbearable after being abused will have a so-called dissociative reaction to relieve their pain.Yes, multiple personality is also one of the symptoms.In their self-knowledge, it is not themselves who experience that kind of mental pain, but another personality of another person, who uses this kind of psychological forgetfulness to escape reality.Conversely, the pain of abused children is so deep that they have to resort to this form of escape.

Mrs. Miyako also had similar dissociation symptoms.However, her condition was not multiple personality, but a dissociated experience of abuse due to psychological amnesia, relived over and over again in the form of nightmares or hallucinations.This dissociation symptom is one of the reasons why Mrs. Miyako suffers from sexual dependence. For example, have you ever heard of the term “disengagement from symptoms”?To put it simply, this is like the prohibition symptoms that appear when a person with alcohol dependence suffers from alcohol withdrawal. Symptoms include trembling hands and sweating in mild cases, and arrhythmia, hallucinations, and cognition in severe cases. Symptoms such as disorders.In order to escape this disengagement symptom, the weak-willed dependent patient will very easily reach out to alcohol again.Although I have never heard that patients with shopping addiction will have this obvious disorder symptom physically like alcohol addiction patients, but a strong sense of anxiety will still make their spirits fall into crisis, and then in order to escape this Anxiety will start unplanned shopping spree again.Just like this, it will become more and more trapped in the vicious circle of this structure.

As for Mrs. Miyako's case, it belongs to the same principle as this case.The dissociative symptoms of abuse that she repeatedly experienced as a result of nightmares and hallucinations drove her to the point of sexual dependence.That is to say, in order to forget the pain caused by repeated abuse, she achieved temporary peace of mind through sexual behavior, and gradually developed symptoms of intoxication to this behavior itself. The basic situation is like this. Explaining it like this may give the impression that cause and effect are reversed.That is to say, whether the dissociation symptoms are caused by the dependence, or whether the dissociation triggers the dependence, and what kind of causal relationship it is, may become more confusing the more you listen.However, the relationship between dependence and dissociative symptoms is actually similar to the relationship between chicken and egg. Which one is the cause and which is the effect cannot be determined simply.

At least, in the case of Mrs. Miyako, the symptoms of dependence and dissociation gradually worsened in a complementary manner.Therefore, in order to fundamentally cure this situation, Mrs. Miyako was admitted to a neurology hospital after giving birth to my brother, and was completely isolated from her family.Although I haven't checked it, I heard that such a thorough treatment is due to the guidance and intervention of the public health center and children's counseling center. The following is just my imagination. Although the Children's Counseling Center has no definite evidence of sexual abuse in the family, it feels vaguely that something is wrong.After all, they have experts in this field, maybe they will suspect that Mrs. Miyako has been sexually abused, and it is sexual abuse from within the family... Or, Mrs. Miyako hinted at this fact in the discussion.

Although this is a bit close to the result theory, the biggest significance of the measure of hospitalization is to isolate her and her father.This is common knowledge when it comes to domestic sexual abuse, where the victim has to be isolated from the perpetrator and protected by a third party.If you don't, no matter how much time passes, nothing will be solved. In this way, Mrs. Miyako worked hard to overcome her dependence.So spreading rumors that she would sleep with just about any man was a little over the top at this point. Huh?To ask how do I know she has overcome her dependence?Because that's what I heard from her brother. Ah, that's it.It's also interesting how her younger brother knew about it.To be honest, I actually don't know how he knew.I think it is possible that Mrs. Miyako told her brother so.Yes, that's it, if that's the case, in fact, it's just her own side of the story, not necessarily the truth. However, let’s put aside whether Mrs. Miyako has really overcome her dependence. At least she restrained herself a lot after marrying Mr. Suzuki.There shouldn't be such a chaotic relationship between men and women as there used to be near my hometown. If you want to ask why, the key point is the question of what kind of purpose Mrs. Miyako married Mr. Suzuki. In fact, it is easy to imagine, perhaps, it is because of the attachment to our brothers.No matter how rude I am to Mr. Suzuki, and there is no solid evidence, I still want to say this, and don't think about him except for this reason. If you just want to stay close to our brothers, no matter what, there is no need to marry Suzuki-san.However, Mrs. Miyako and her father once had that agreement, that is, the agreement that we would never appear in front of our brothers again. However, in this case, she just happened to be married to Mr. Suzuki who lives near our house.For Mrs. Miyako, there is an excuse: this is just a coincidence.While this excuse is so blatantly obvious that it feels absurd, if she claims that she is not trying to get close to her children, but just that the person she is marrying happens to live nearby, then there is no physical evidence to support it. overthrow her claim. Because of this, Mrs. Miyako must not disappoint Mr. Suzuki.If she maintained relationships with an unspecified majority of men like in the past, no matter how much Mr. Suzuki was troubled by the fact that no one would marry him, if it exceeded the bottom line of his patience, he would still throw her out.No, even if Mr. Suzuki himself could tolerate what she did, that strict mother-in-law would not let her go.These things are easy to imagine.So she had to restrain her behavior. Thinking about it now, my father really shouldn't have spread such irresponsible rumors back then.For my father, he should have this simple expectation: if the surrounding judgments on Mrs. Miyako get worse and worse, she can be kicked out of the residential area. However, his behavior might have offended Mrs. Miyako instead.Perhaps originally, for her, as long as she could see us two brothers up close from time to time, she would be satisfied, but in fact she had no intention of getting in touch with us.No, no one knows if that is the case.However, with the rise of rumors, she began to actively approach me and my brother. Judging from her behavior, she really took the action out of anger after knowing the truth that her father was spreading the rumors Well, this explanation makes sense. That's it.Mrs. Miyako very blatantly began to approach our two brothers. in particular…… Especially the older brother, Chiji. For example, talk to him suddenly on the side of the road and give him candy and snacks. Gradually, my elder brother began to come and go in and out of Mr. Suzuki's house dignifiedly. The father who found out about this incident was furious. He sternly warned his brother not to get close to that woman.However, my brother couldn't figure out why his father was so angry. Since my elder brother usually has a relatively idle personality, when he is scolded by his father, he will obediently admit his mistake on the spot, but the important aspects of action will not change at all.Still pestering Mrs. Miyako as usual. Now that I think about it, maybe my brother treated Mrs. Miyako as an adult woman from the beginning. Of course, he didn't know that this was the biological mother who gave birth to him.At that time, my brother and I were only twelve or thirteen years old.Mrs. Miyako is also in her thirties.In the eyes of boys who have just entered puberty, they are women in the most attractive age group. Then. came. destroy. Regarding this matter, it would not be wrong to attribute the responsibility to the father.Because the existence of Mrs. Miyako has been hidden for so long anyway, why can't she keep this secret for a lifetime?In other words, maybe my father originally planned to take this secret to the grave, but my father's anger had nowhere to vent for the elder brother who refused to listen to anything and insisted on pestering Mrs. Miyako. The truth tells us. ——That person is the woman who gave birth to you. However, she just gave birth to you, she is a woman who is not qualified to call herself your mother. Brother who heard this. During that night. ... died. Hanged himself. "Brother... At that time, he had already had a physical relationship with Mrs. Miyako."