Chapter 52 third quarter
The violent storm screamed strangely, and launched a fierce attack on the forest from all angles, trying to conquer every big tree, and then destroy the command center of the forest.However, under the protection of the dense trees in the center of the forest, not only does it not feel dangerous, even the sound of wind and rain in the dark night is not so scary.
For Yuuki, the cold far surpassed the horror.Lying in a cave surrounded by vines and tree roots, I really want to be buried by the forest.However, the unbearable cold made her unable to lie down, and she sat up with her knees hugged.
The big nanmu in front of her protects her, the wind and rain cannot come in, and the rainwater flowing down the mountain is also blocked by the vines, basically preventing it from flowing into the cave.However, she was too cold to bear, and she was too hungry to bear.It would be nice to have more breakfast, Yuuki regretted thinking of this.
After eating two bites of breakfast, I ran out without any preparations.She felt that her actions were natural, so she didn't feel nervous at all when she walked out of the hospital gate.Maybe it was because of this that no one noticed, maybe it was because she took someone else's umbrella and covered her face with it.
Before walking to the climbing path, the umbrella can still keep out the rain, but after starting to climb the mountain, the umbrella does not work. After climbing to the top of the mountain, a gust of wind blows the umbrella away.At that time, Yuuki's clothes were soaked, but she didn't feel cold at all because she was constantly moving around and dreamed of sleeping peacefully in the embrace of the forest.
However, when I got to the forest and lay down in that cave, I felt that it was getting colder and colder.In addition, he hadn't eaten for a day, so his hands and feet were shivering and his teeth were chattering.
Yuuki didn't feel scared at all about death.But she couldn't stand hunger and cold.She couldn't help hating her body, and she cursed her body for betraying her will.
Should I go down the mountain before dark, or suffer hunger and cold in the cave?Yuuki didn't know what to do.At least for now, I don't want to go down the mountain, but it seems impossible to sleep peacefully in the embrace of the forest like last time.Yuuki felt that she was so miserable, she buried her face between her knees, she was so wronged that she almost cried.
At this moment, Yuki suddenly heard the sound of a branch being snapped.She straightened up, listened carefully with her ears upright, and heard the slapping, slapping, and the sound of her feet stepping on the water and on the grass, as if some giant beast was approaching.Yuki moved as deep into the cave as possible, subconsciously groping for any weapons on his body that could be used for self-defense.Of course, she had no weapons of any kind, and all she could do was stare out of the cave, clutching her knees.
A black face flashed out from behind the thick nanmu, that black face looked into the hole, and said happily, "Here it is!"
"Really!" Another dark face flashed from behind Nanmu.
Not only their faces are black, but their bodies are also black, covered with mud, fallen leaves and weeds.Two black shadows bypassed the nanmu and sat on the root of the nanmu.
"This place is really nice, and it can't get rained on or blown by the wind."
"Yeah, it can be said to be the safest place on the mountain."
The two black shadows talked to each other and joked with Yuki with a playful smile.Yuuki felt sick when she heard this, and leaned back into the hole with all her strength.The black shadows felt that Yuki's reaction was unbelievable, they glanced at each other, and burst out laughing.
"As I said, I fell headlong into the mud in the depression just now."
"It was covered with mud, if the mud hadn't acted as a cushion, it wouldn't have broken."
The two wiped the mud off their faces at the same time, revealing the true colors of the giraffe and hedgehog.
"It's you? Why..." Yuxi suddenly collapsed.
The two smiled and approached the entrance of the cave, and the giraffe said tentatively, "We have brought you food."
The hedgehog also said in the same tone: "I also prepared music for you."
After the two finished talking, they took off their raincoats, took off their backpacks and put them in the hole.The giraffe took out a drink and compressed biscuits and placed them in front of Yuuki, and the hedgehog switched on the portable radio.
The clear-toned folk songs, breaking through the murmurs, echoed in the cave.
The outline of the big nanmu gradually merged into the darkened forest, and the storm became more violent, as if it wanted to uproot the big tree.The whole forest was whining, so scary.
This is a hole dug a long time ago.The walls of the cave are well built, and the roots of the trees hold the soil tightly, so there is absolutely no danger of collapse.The cave has an area of more than three square meters and a height of nearly one meter, which is more than enough for three children to sit inside.Yuuki put the sleeping bag lent to her by the giraffe over her shoulders and sat against the wall.The giraffe and the hedgehog shared a sleeping bag and sat opposite Yuuki.Thanks to the sleeping bag and the body temperature of the three people, the cave didn't feel cold at all.
At first, Yuki said that she didn't want a sleeping bag, but after the two people persuaded her, she finally accepted their kindness, and ate compressed biscuits and drinks with them.
The radio has been placed at the entrance of the cave, playing folk songs, pop songs, classical music, as well as silly jokes, typhoon forecasts and so on.After the giraffe and the hedgehog settled down in the cave, they basically didn't talk to Yuki, and Yuki didn't talk to them either, relying on the little radio to break the silence.
The dotted sky exposed among the dense leaves outside the cave was completely darkened, and the inside of the cave was so dark that they could no longer see each other's faces.Suddenly, Yuuki heard a strange gasping sound, similar to the gasping sound of a child in a state of dyspnea heard in the ward.
"Hedgehog! Are you scared?" the giraffe asked.
The panting stopped, and the hedgehog made another crunching sound like pebbles rubbing against each other.
"Hold on!" said the giraffe, stretching its shoulders.With a snap, the giraffe lit the lighter, and the orange flame illuminated the small cave.Yuuki blinked, and saw the hedgehog with its eyes turned upwards, gnashing its teeth desperately, the crunching sound was the hedgehog's gnashing of teeth.
"It's okay, don't worry, hedgehog, relax your jaw!" The giraffe held the lighter in one hand, and rubbed the hedgehog's neck with the other hand.
The hedgehog looked at the giraffe, then at Yuki, and gradually relaxed.
"Hold it!" Giraffe handed the lighter to Yuki, then reached into the bag to find something.At this time, a gust of wind suddenly blew in from the hole and blew out the lighter.The hedgehog immediately let out a squeal.
"Lighter! Light up the lighter!" the giraffe yelled.
Yuuki quickly lit the lighter, and the cave was lit up again.The hedgehog's face was full of terror, which made Yuki feel scared.
"Don't put out the fire again!" the giraffe said to Yuki.
Yuuki protected the lighter with her hand so that it would not be blown out by the wind again.The giraffe took out a box of candles from the bag, took out one and lit it, looked around, and said awkwardly, "Where should I poke the candle?"
"Empty soda cans... trampled flat." Hedgehog squeezed out a few words from between his teeth.
The giraffe crushed the can, poked the candle on it, and placed it carefully in the depths of the cave out of the wind.The flickering flames stabilized, making people feel warm and peaceful.It was still very windy outside, but inside the cave was a safe and peaceful place.
"Are you feeling better?" Yuuki asked with concern, seeing the hedgehog nodded, Yuxi was relieved, "I'm sorry, I put out the fire just now."
"It's okay..." The hedgehog smiled weakly, and lowered his head embarrassedly, "There is no need to apologize. I'm afraid of staying in a small and dark place, and it's all my fault...it's my fault..."
"Okay!" the giraffe interrupted the hedgehog, and put half of the sleeping bag on the hedgehog's shoulders. "Don't say anything bad about yourself. It's not your fault for being afraid of the dark."
The hedgehog lowered his head.Yuxi thought he wanted to thank the giraffe, but he angrily threw off the sleeping bag that the giraffe put on him: "...you know what a fart!"
The giraffe was taken aback: "I don't know?... Anyway, you were not born like this. It's because you were locked up in a small dark room and grew up, that's why you got this problem."
"No." Hedgehog retorted.
The giraffe was also angry, and raised its voice and shouted: "Didn't you often tell me? No matter who it is, it was either grown up in this environment or that environment. Some bastards who just nod and bow their heads, some become villains who step on other people's shoulders and climb up, and some become murderous robbers without batting an eye... It's all determined by the environment in which they grow up. Some of them become good people after they grow up, that's because They are lucky. I may not realize it, but they are indeed lucky and have encountered a good growth environment.”
"I didn't have any bad luck, and I grew up in a pretty good environment."
"Really? Then I blew out the candle!" After speaking, the giraffe stretched its head towards the candle and was about to blow it out.
"Stop bragging!" Before the hedgehog could speak, Yuki spoke first: "Stop arguing!...Is this a place for arguing?"
In fact, the giraffe didn't want to blow out the candle, but just pretended to scare the hedgehog.Hearing what Yuki said, she quickly sat down obediently and stopped talking.
The radio was affected by the weather and could hear nothing but hum.The giraffe moved the radio to the depths of the cave, the noise disappeared, but the sound was much quieter, and classical music was playing on the radio.
After being silent for a while, the hedgehog spoke: "I want to smoke a cigarette, okay?"
Yuuki nodded and handed over the lighter.
The giraffe put its blue backpack in front of the hedgehog: "Put the smoke out!"
The hedgehog took out a pack of cigarettes from his bag, took out one skillfully, and lit the cigarette skillfully with the lighter. His movements were so sophisticated that he didn't look like a primary school student at all.He leaned against the entrance of the cave, took a breath in a calm manner, and then spit it out of the cave, glanced at Yuxi who was diagonally opposite, and asked, "Have you ever smoked it?"
Yuuki covered her chest with her sleeping bag and shook her head.
The hedgehog curled his lips and smiled maliciously: "That's great. Giraffes get sick when they see women smoking."
The giraffe lowered his voice and threatened: "No nonsense!"
The hedgehog smiled at Yuki and said, "You don't know why you call him a giraffe, do you? Let me tell you."
The giraffe got really angry and roared, "Enough! Stop talking!"
The hedgehog ignored the giraffe's warning and continued, "Hey, giraffe! Who in your family smokes?"
The giraffe grabbed the small radio and threw it right in the hedgehog's face.
The hedgehog flashed, and the radio flew out of the hole scratching its head, and hit the root of the big nanmu tree, making it dumb.
"Stop it!" Yuuki yelled.
The giraffe exhaled angrily and sat down deep in the cave.
Yuxi saw that half of the hedgehog had come out of the hole, and said, "Hedgehog, come back too, it's so cold outside."
Not only did the hedgehog not come back, but he went out, and sat down on the root of the big nanmu tree towards the entrance of the hole, and said in a hoarse voice: "Are you ready, giraffe? I don't know how others are... But, I am neither lucky nor Well, there is no misfortune." He stubbed out the cigarette on the ground, and carefully put the cigarette butt into the pocket of his jeans, "My father is a revolutionary!" He smiled at Yuki with a very proud smile He said in a tone of voice, "In order to make the society better, my father has been fighting non-stop. However, he never hurts others, let alone engage in terrorism. He hates terrorism the most. Dad believes that people in the world have Illness. It is true that people are working hard and living honestly, but people are suffering from a fever, and their efforts are in the wrong direction. They pursue money, fame and status, and frame others, deceive others, and even kill others for money and status. .My father asked me, are there any doctors who hurt and kill patients? To treat patients, they must be treated patiently. In order to cure their diseases, they must first realize that the cause of fever is excessive fatigue...My father My job is to spread the word to people that you're running a fever and you're going to be exhausted living like this. My dad has a great job, right? So he's not home a lot and doesn't have time to take care of his family."
"...Come on, you!" the giraffe murmured softly, wrapping its body in a sleeping bag. "Isn't it windy over there? Be careful not to catch a cold. Stop talking useless nonsense and come inside."
The hedgehog didn't come over, but leaned his back on the big nanmu, and continued to say to Yuxi with a smile: "My mother also agrees with my father's point of view and supports my father's actions. Revolutionary activities need funds, right? In order to give my father To raise funds for the event, my mom worked in the factory from morning to night, and went to work on construction sites on Sundays. So, they left me alone at home when I was a child. I didn't feel scared. And, as soon as my mom came home , put me in her arms. My mother smelled it even if she didn’t wear perfume. It was the scent of her body. Of course, she also smelled of sweat, which was sweat after working. So, my mother took I went to the bathhouse to take a shower. It was a women's bathhouse. My mother held me in her arms and washed my hair. The sweaty mother turned into a soapy mother..."
The giraffe said irritably, "Are you finished?"
The hedgehog immediately said: "The parents of the giraffe are also very kind!"
Yuuki saw a strange light in the eyes of the hedgehog, as if he was caught in a strange thought.
The hedgehog went on desperately: "The father of the giraffe works in the county government, and he will be the county magistrate in the future. When he came to see the giraffe, he always brought him a lot of stationery and gave gifts to other children. The mother of the giraffe She is the most beautiful woman in Kagawa City, but she is not proud at all. When the hospital holds sports meetings, she even comes to serve voluntarily. When she sees someone fall down, she immediately picks up someone, and she doesn't care if she gets covered in dirt!"
"Go to hell!" The giraffe couldn't take it any longer. He rolled his sleeping bag and threw it at the hedgehog, then jumped on the hedgehog and wrestled with him, screaming, "What did my dad bring?" ? My mother never came to see me, and she doesn’t care if I get covered in dirt! I pulled her skirt, and she slapped me on the mouth!”
"Stop hitting!" Yuki yelled.
I don't know if I didn't hear it or what, the giraffe grabbed the hedgehog's neck tightly and continued to call: "Didn't you say that you have never met your father? What a revolutionary! What kind of construction site did your mother go to? Don't talk nonsense She’s wearing a miniskirt and wearing lipstick, even doctors want to lure her to her bar! What’s the smell of soap? The perfume is sprinkled so much, and the smell makes me have a headache!”
"...No..." The hedgehog was pinched out of breath.
The giraffe was full of anger, but laughed loudly: "Do you and I have such good parents? You and I have no parents! No parents of any kind! Nothing! Nothing but ourselves..."
"Let go! You want to strangle him!" Yuki came out of the hole and shook the giraffe's shoulder with her hand. She found the giraffe's eyes filled with tears.
"We can only go to another world! There is no one in that world, it is a new world, there is no trace of filth, it is a clean world. We have to start from scratch in that world..."
The giraffe got off the hedgehog, collapsed on the ground, and leaned exhausted on the hillside next to the cave.
Yuuki didn't know what to do.Although the front of the cave is blocked by big nanmu and many trees, the rain will not fall directly, but the wind blowing from all directions raises dense water foam, which quickly wets their clothes.
The hedgehog lay on the grass between the big nanmu and the hole, muttering, "It's useless, it's useless!" His voice was filled with tears, "I can't go anywhere. Even if I could, nothing would change. of……"
The giraffe raised its head and said strongly, "Didn't you agree to go? Aren't you all ready?"
The hedgehog lay on the ground and shook his head. His face was already covered with rainwater: "Giraffe, you actually don't believe it! Can your skin become as smooth as before? I am the same, I will be afraid of the dark all my life, no matter if I run Wherever I go, this stinky problem will haunt me!"
"Stop it! I don't want to hear it!"
"I'm afraid, I'm afraid that it will be the same everywhere I go, I'm really scared... how many times we discussed, run, run, but it turned out to be just talking. It didn't go anywhere. Later, I decided to take her away, He also said that as long as she is there, we can be saved... In fact, there must be other thoughts in his heart. He also said that in order to persuade her, he postponed the departure time... Maybe this is just an excuse for the impossibility of departure... To put it bluntly, it’s just an excuse. So I said, there’s no point! What’s the new life, it’s impossible!”
"Hate! You hate!" The giraffe covered its ears.He squeezed past Yuuki into the hole and blew out the candle.The surroundings immediately became dark, and the hedgehog let out a scream.
"What are you doing? Light the candle!" Yuuki shouted to the giraffe.
The hedgehog was lying on the ground panting rapidly, and said intermittently while panting: "It's so dark...let me go out..." The voice was full of fear.
Yuuki yelled, "Light the candles! Don't kill anyone!"
However, the giraffe neither lit a candle nor made a sound.
Yuki reached out to where the hedgehog was lying, "It's okay, we're all here."
Yuki first touched the roots of the nanmu tree, and then followed the panting sound and the smell of sweat, and touched the shivering hedgehog hugging the sleeping bag.
Yuki comforted him and said, "Look, I'm not here, you know? I'm here, it doesn't matter." Yuki groped and reached under the hedgehog's body, picked him up vigorously, and dragged him He retreated into the hole.After retreating into the cave, Yuuki hugged his head and kept comforting him: "Hedgehog, hedgehog! Do you know? You're not alone here, and I'm here too! Don't be afraid, don't be afraid." While stroking his back.
"Hey! Giraffe! Light the fire, please!" Yuuki said to the giraffe.Although she couldn't see it, Yuuki knew that the giraffe was by her side.
However, the giraffe did not go to light the fire, but whispered: "I have burn scars on my body." The voice was so small that it was almost inaudible, "Of course you can't see it when you are wearing clothes, but you can know it when you take off your clothes. My body is full of rounds." The small scars are like the pattern of a giraffe, so my nickname is Giraffe. Oh..." Giraffe's words were interrupted for a moment, his voice was trembling, "My mother burned it with a cigarette..." At this point , The giraffe fell silent again.It can be felt that he is trying to control himself not to cry out loud, "When did it start, I don't know. When I started to remember when I was three years old, it was everywhere. Compared with places without scars, Black and red, the old scars are sunken, and the new scars are protruding. I feel strange, and when I touch it with my hand, my mother will hit my hand. My mother doesn’t usually smoke...my father hates the smell of cigarettes When my grandma thinks my mother's cooking is not good and scolds my mother, when my father is on my grandma's side, when my father is not home, when my father and my grandma are not around, she smokes. It seems that she smoked the most when I was four or five years old. Usually, she doesn’t get angry when I break something. After I finished eating, I used cigarettes to burn marks one by one. The burnt area would break when I touched it, and it would ooze yellow water. At this time, my mother would burn me with cigarettes again, saying that it was to disinfect me. He also said that when he grows up, the scar will disappear, and when he grows up to be a good person, it will naturally disappear..."
"Doesn't anyone know?" Yuuki asked timidly.
"Anyone?" The giraffe asked in confusion.
"For example, your father..."
"Of course my father knows." The giraffe seemed to be smiling, "You think, when he was three years old, there were already scars everywhere, how could he not know?"
So why didn't he stop it?Yuuki wanted to ask, but the words stuck in her throat and she couldn't speak.She herself had the same experience.
The giraffe's laughter echoed in the cave: "It's my mother who stopped my father...he hit me when he came home when he encountered problems at work. He ordered me to put the toys away, and I went to Clean it up, he thought I didn’t clean it up well, so he stretched out his hand and hit me. I said I’m not cleaning up right now? He scolded me for being stubborn, and kicked me as soon as I raised my foot... My mother stopped him, and he scolded my mother for being educated Not good, turned around and hit my mother again. I was so scared that I cried and admitted my mistake. He punched me in the face and knocked out my teeth. However, when he was happy, he also took me to the amusement park and took me to the amusement park. I go to the baseball game. In front of others, he always smiles and praises how cute I am. I really want my father to treat me like this all the time, but it’s just my wishful thinking. I lost my temper. The whole family went to the zoo to play together. It was quite a happy thing. Just because my mother took a long time to go to the bathroom, her face immediately sank, and she looked awkward everywhere, either beating or scolding... "
Yuxi couldn't help asking: "Didn't your grandma live with you? Does your grandma ignore your father?"
The giraffe laughed, and there was still a crying voice in the laughter: "Huh, when I was beaten, my grandma either went back to her own room or went to cook. Grandma can only see when I am being favored, but not when I am beaten. Time. It’s not that you can’t see it, it’s that you don’t see it.”
Yuuki's eyes were hot, and she almost cried out.
The giraffe continued: "When I was in primary school, my father wrestled with me. I kicked his leg, and he immediately became anxious with me. He grabbed my ankle and swung it around, turning him around. I didn't catch it, and threw me out all at once, and I suffered a serious head injury. I heard my dad keep saying in my ear in a coma, you rolled down the stairs, you rolled down the stairs... …When I woke up, I found that I had been sent to the hospital. Seeing that I woke up, my grandma whispered in my ear, the stairs, you rolled down the stairs by yourself..."
do not talk!Yuuki wanted to yell loudly, but couldn't make a sound.
"Everyone knows, everyone knows! The doctor not only saw the wound on my head, but also the scars on my body. I heard my mother tell the nurse that I was allergic to medicine. It was moxa used during moxibustion. Burnt. In fact, if you look carefully, you can see that it is not burnt by moxa. But no one seems to be able to see it. No one can see my injury, can't see me... So, I thought it was Scars are nothing. I thought that as long as I was a child, everyone would have them. But after I went to school, I became the object of everyone’s ridicule. My classmates regarded me as a monster, and the teacher didn’t care if he knew about it. The scars on my body, my lord If you can't see it, the child can see it... Can you see it? Can you see it?" The giraffe said and lit the lighter.
The hole lights up.Yuki saw the giraffe on the opposite side crawled deep into the cave with a lighter in its hand, and lit a candle.
"Look, the candle is lit!" Yuuki said to the hedgehog.
The hedgehog was lying on Yuuki's lap, curled up and trembling.Hearing Yuki's words, she opened her eyes slightly, and her tense expression gradually eased.
The giraffe got out of the hole, turned its back to Yuki and the others, stood in front of the big nanmu tree that stood still in the storm, and began to take off his long-sleeved T-shirt.Because the clothes are wet, it is difficult to take them off.He took off his shirt, then his jeans, and the spray wet his skin.
The hedgehog sat up from Yuuki's lap and let out a mournful cry: "Giraffe! Don't do that!"
As if the giraffe didn't hear it, he took off his shorts without hesitation: "Hedgehog, bring the candle!"
"hedgehog!"
"Don't stop me! Even if I beg you, can't you?" The giraffe's voice was trembling.
The hedgehog hesitated again, but crawled deep into the cave and took the candle to the entrance of the cave.The giraffe stretched out its arms, showing Yuki and the others the scars on his body.I saw his back, waist, buttocks, thighs, and there were scars from cigarette burns everywhere.Fifty or sixty small round scars, like brand marks, are deeply imprinted on the giraffe's body.
Those who don't know the inside story might think it was burnt by moxa at first glance, but if you look closely, you will find that the scars form two symmetrical circles on the two small buttocks, which are obviously burnt on purpose.In the world, there is a mother who burns circles on her young son's buttocks with cigarettes!And the world turned a blind eye to this brutal act!
"Not only the back!" The giraffe turned around slowly as he said, but stopped halfway through the turn, showing that he hesitated.
A gust of wind blew, making the candle shake, and the shadow of the giraffe reflected on the trunk of the big nanmu tree also shook slightly.The giraffe turned around quietly.
Yuki was so ashamed that she wanted to lower her head, but she said to herself in her heart, she couldn't lower her head!Can't help but watch!She raised her head courageously and gazed at the giraffe's naked body.
The giraffe's chest and abdomen are also covered with scars, some are black, some are red... It looks like a giraffe's piebald spots. It is simply too cruel to give him the nickname of giraffe.
"I saw it! Giraffe, I saw it clearly!" Hedgehog said painfully.
The giraffe looked up at Yuuki.
Yuki looked into the giraffe's eyes and nodded vigorously: "I see."
The giraffe let out a long breath, suddenly became shy, and hurriedly put on shorts and a T-shirt.
"Giraffe, do you know how long I was locked in the closet?"
"Isn't it when you were scolded!"
The hedgehog shook his head vigorously: "When I was three or four years old, no, maybe when I was two years old, my mother started taking men I didn't know home in the middle of the night. In order not to let those men know that I was at home, They always lock me in the closet, don't let me move, don't let me make a sound, and can't go to the toilet until the next day. I can hear the strange squeaking sound in the closet, since I have to endure this strange sound I screamed, and I had to hold back my urine again, so I had no choice but to squeeze hard. I really hoped that my mother would open the closet and scold me. I knew that my mother was outside. Later, when I grew up a little, my mother no longer Bringing a man home, it turned into living with a man. Buy me a lot of bread, saying that my mother will not come back because of something, so eat bread when you are hungry. Also said, don’t go outside, let other adults If I see it, my mother will be scolded, maybe she will have to go to jail, and I will wait honestly at home... I can only wait for my mother to come home while eating bread. After eating, she still didn't come back. I gradually lost consciousness, where I was, what I was doing, what I was, I didn't know anything..."
The hedgehog suddenly dug up the soil on the ground with his right hand.He grabbed a handful of soil and held it up to his nose to smell: "All I can feel is the smell. Although I hate being locked in the closet, my mother still locks me in. I can't help it, I I've shit and peed in it. I stink all over my body, and I get used to it very quickly. I can't tell if I'm still alive, so I just pinch the most painful place on my body Only when I pinch myself hurts can I feel my own existence..." The hedgehog desperately squeezed the soil into a ball, and the soil that leaked from his fingers fell to the ground.
Yuki looked at the hedgehog's hand and felt a burst of heartache. She couldn't say any words of comfort, but just listened quietly.
"I don't know when, my mother came back. She scolded me and woke me up. She thought I had dirty the closet. She bought me bread and milk and asked me to clean the closet. I hate that closet , I hate myself too... But I am very happy to have my mother. When my mother is in a good mood, she is very nice to me. But after a few days, she will leave me bread or money again, I don’t know Where did I go... I was really afraid that I would be locked in the closet, but no one locked me up, and I was left alone at home, and I was even more afraid at night... I can only feel my existence through pain."
The hedgehog's face turned to Yuuki.
Yuuki felt that the giraffe was also looking at her.She couldn't stay in the hole any longer, let go of the hedgehog's hand, stood up and walked out of the hole.
The exposed roots of the big nanmu tripped her, and her body hit the wall-like trunk, her legs seemed to have no strength at all.Yuxi leaned on the big nanmu with her chest, and she couldn't help stretching out her arms to hug the thick tree trunk.A person can't hug at all, not even a third of it.
This big nanmu seemed to be connected to the center of the earth, full of exuberant vitality, Yuki wanted to be hugged by the big nanmu, and she pressed her forehead against the tree trunk.
The trunk was damp, and a stream of water flowed from it where Yuki's forehead was pressed.Probably the rainwater caught by the dense leaves flows down the branches to the trunk.In addition to the scent of big nanmu, Yuxi also smelled the smell of rain, mud and fresh moss.
"Do you want to hear from me?" Yuuki asked the tree.
No one answered her, probably told her in silence, you speak!
Hearing the sincere confession of the giraffe and the hedgehog, I felt a lump in my chest like a bone stuck in my throat, and I wanted to express it quickly.Speak up, it may be easier to speak up.Moreover, I can only say it now, and I only want to say it now.
"Don't call me a liar, don't talk, just listen..." Yuuki said earnestly, "My mother called me a lie... called me a big lie..." As soon as the words came out, the As if the cover of the emotion that had been suppressed had been lifted suddenly, the voice of speaking became louder.Yuuki pressed her lips against the tree trunk.
The rain that fell from above mixed with the tears that flowed from the eyes, and flowed into Yuuki's mouth.Yuuki moved her lips away from the tree trunk and continued talking.
"I don't tell lies...and how can I tell that kind of lie? How can I ever think to tell that kind of lie? That's my father! Isn't that my father? How can I talk nonsense! I just want to ask , Is it okay to do that kind of thing? I'm afraid, I want to ask, is it nothing if it goes on like this? I'm sorry for my mother... That's why I told my mother to stop it. But she said I was crazy and scolded me. Don't you feel ashamed to tell such a lie..."
Yuki felt the heat in her chest was unbearable, and beat the tree trunk desperately: "Who should I tell? Who should I tell? I'm afraid of my mother, I know she will hate me, call me an asshole, and even never recognize me This daughter... I'm really scared. But, I hope to be helped and protected. I'm afraid that my father will continue to treat me like that. I don't want my father to treat me like that. I really want to die... I climbed to the building of the school On the top, I wanted to commit suicide by jumping off the building, but I didn’t die. Later, didn’t I tell my mother everything?”
Yuki scratched the hard bark with her nails, and said to the giraffe and hedgehog what she said to Shiho back then.
At that time, Shiho's face became very ugly when he heard Yuki's words, and he covered his ears with his hands and yelled, stop talking!Why do you tell such a lie!Yuuki just said something at the beginning, seeing her mother like this, she had no choice but to stop talking.
The unspoken words nestled in her heart, rotted and stink, Yuuki could no longer bear it.Leaning on the trunk of the big nanmu tree, he spit out the rotten things in one breath.
It started when Yuki was in the third semester of the fourth grade of elementary school.
Until then, Yusaku, his father, liked Yuuki very much, and took a bath with Yuuki every night.Yuuki didn't think there was anything abnormal about this, she just thought it was because her father liked her, and she was very happy.
Mother Shiho also likes Yuki very much, but her mother pays more attention to Yuki's upbringing and often criticizes her.Yuuki thought it was because her mother was jealous when she saw that her father liked her... Not only did she think so, but she also said so.In addition, Yuki thinks that Shiho likes his younger brother Satoshi more than he likes himself.So, when she felt that Xiong Zuo was on her side, she was very happy, and often boasted that she and her father had formed a united front.
"I'll marry my dad when I grow up!"
From the time of kindergarten until before that incident, Yuuki often said that.Why does Xiongzuo do such a thing?Yuuki really didn't understand.
I remember that when Yuki was in the third grade of elementary school, Yusaku's work performance declined, and he was unhappy when he returned home, and he often complained with a sullen face.As for Shiho, she hates Yusaku talking about work at home, and she doesn't want to listen to her husband complaining, and sometimes scolds Yusaku for "not being a man".
As a result, Yuuki became the one who listened to Yusaku's complaints.Yuuki doesn't dislike Yusaku complaining to her at all, but is happy that Yusaku chose herself instead of Shiho.Yuki felt indescribably happy that Yusaku loved herself more than Shiho because she was ranked ahead of Shiho.
Shiho's stomach is relatively weak, and after giving birth to Satoshi, his health became even worse.When Yuki comes back from school, she often sees Shiho lying on the bed.After Yuxi returned home, she often cleaned the room, went to the street to buy vegetables, and sometimes went to the kitchen to cook.雄作吃着优希做的饭，肯定说：“比你妈做的好吃多了。”
雄作的工作不顺利的同时，跟志穗吵架也吵得厉害起来了。吵架的原因是志穗的娘家。
志穗是个被父母，也被哥哥姐姐宠爱的老闺女，长大结了婚也没有什么变化。娘家经常给她来电话，送东西，或突然来看她。从买房子到买家具，都是志穗的娘家出的钱。雄作对此没有办法，但心里很不舒服，曾跟优希表露过他的反感。而志穗呢，只是一味沉浸在受到娘家宠爱的幸福之中。
吵架吵得厉害，加上身体不好，志穗经常带着聪志回娘家。家务活儿就落在了优希身上。优希就像个家庭主妇似的，虽然很累，却也觉得很自豪。“妈妈不在也没关系嘛！”优希得意地对雄作说，雄作抚摸着优希的头笑了。
优希小学四年级那年2月，志穗因扁桃体化脓做手术，住了一个星期的医院。出院以后又带着聪志回娘家了。
雄作工作搞不上去，受到上司批评。
“真想把他们都给杀了！”雄作在优希面前嘟囔过好多次。
优希平时只看到雄作和蔼的一面，现在看到他那阴森可怕的面孔，感到非常紧张和不安。
一个大雪天，雄作喝了很多酒以后，要求跟优希一起洗澡。本来这是很普通的事，可那天优希也不知道是为什么，有一种很不好的预感，她拒绝了雄作的要求。
雄作突然发怒了：“怎么际讨厌爸爸了？”
优希吓得腿直哆嗦，只好同意。雄作转怒为喜。父女俩在浴缸里泡澡，雄作又是骂志穗和志穗娘家的人，又是骂上司，牢骚话一句接着一句，突然，雄作放声大哭起来：“我完蛋了！优希……我是个没用的废物……”
优希不知道怎么办才好了。她想安慰雄作，于是就模仿着雄作平时对自己做的那样，抚摸起雄作的头发来。
雄作像个撒娇的孩子似的，把头埋在优希的胸前。优希忽然觉得雄作的嘴唇触到了她的胸，感到发痒的同时又有一种莫名的恐怖感。
“行吗？干那种事情行吗？”雄作喃喃地问。
优希没听懂父亲的问话，不知道说什么好。
“你真好……优希……你真好……”雄作好像安心了，声音里混合着泪水。
优希感到害怕，可是，既没能把雄作推开，也没能提出疑问。
“我是个没用的废物，谁都不认可我，谁都不接受我。那个女人更不接受我，她不过是个孩子。只有优希……优希……我只有你了……优希！”
优希被抱出浴室，被抱进寝室，被放到床上。
“行吗……优希……行吗……优希……”优希被问了一遍又一遍。
可是，干什么行吗？优希并不明白，也无从回答。
“行吧……我爱你……你也爱我……行吧？”
什么行吧，我不懂，我不懂啊！在疼痛和恐怖中，优希咬住了自己的左腕。
结束以后，雄作低声在优希耳边说：“绝对不要对任何人说，特别是不能对你妈说。你要是说了，爸爸只有死，妈妈也会自杀的。这是秘密，你我两个人藏在心底的秘密！”
打那以后，只要志穗和聪志不在家，雄作就要求优希做那种事情。
过了些日子，优希提出了疑问：“干这种事情行吗？”
“你并没有拒绝呀！”雄作说。
优希吃惊地愣住了。
雄作盯着她的眼睛，又说：“我问过你，行吗？你点头说行，所以爸爸才那样做了。你允许了，现在又想收回呀？”接着又说了很多怪罪优希的话，反正都是优希的罪过。而且从此不允许优希再拒绝。
五年级第二学期，学校上保健体育课，其中有性知识教育。雄作又要求优希跟他干那种事情的时候，优希说孩子不能干这种事情，而且说干这种事情会生小孩子的。雄作却说没关系，你不是孩子了，还说我注着意呢，不会生小孩子的。
“而且，爸爸除了你什么都没有了，没有你爸爸就活不下去了。优希，爸爸死了你高兴吗？连优希也不要爸爸了吗？”
雄作一边哭一边说，最后竟然失声痛哭起来，说这个家还要它干什么，干脆把它烧了算了。雄作光着身子跑出寝室，点着一卷报纸，好像真的要把家烧了似的。
尽管如此，优希还是没有答应雄作的要求，没有跟他干那种事情。
第二天，志穗带着聪志从姥姥家回来了。雄作当着优希的面，无缘无故地大声叱责聪志，还为一点儿小事打了志穗耳光。趁志穗和聪志不在，雄作对优希说：“如果爸爸觉得连你都不爱我了，我会发疯的。我要是认为从此以后谁都不接受我了，我会气得把你妈和聪志都杀了。求求你了优希！”
有时候，雄作跟优希做完那种事情以后，抱着膝盖低头哭诉：“真是个无耻的父亲，无耻至极啊！可是，能够拯救你这个无耻的父亲的，只有你。谢谢你，优希！你救了我，谢谢你……”
那么，我是谁？优希咬着自己的左腕，说什么也想不通。谁来救我呢？如此肮脏的我，如此丑陋的我，谁来救呢？如此无能的我，如此无力的我，谁来救呢……
优希想到了母亲志穗。母亲或许能够救我。但是，优希刚把雄作跟她的事说出口，就遭到志穗一顿痛骂。Nonsense!你怎么能说出这种话来？志穗捂住耳朵，躲得远远的。
谁也不会来救我！优希面向大楠木，发出绝望的呼喊。没有人来救我！
“有！”从背后传来一个微弱的声音，那是和泪水混合在一起的声音，马上就消失在黑暗的森林里了。
“有！在这里！”背后又传来一个声音。
优希觉得自己的肩膀暖和起来，耳边听到了啜泣声。她的双肩被两个人从两侧抱住，两个人的两只手重叠在优希扶着树干的手上。
优希嚎陶大哭起来。她无论如何也控制不住自己了，大声地、痛快淋漓地哭起来。
在洞穴里，三人把两个睡袋横过来，铺一个盖一个，互相说着安慰的话语，互相在甜甜的话语中陶醉，像三只小狗似的挤在一起，睡着了。
在这个罕见的暴风雨之夜，三个人用体温彼此温暖着睡着了。优希觉得自己从来没有睡过这么安稳的觉。即使砂石崩塌，就这样被埋在森林里，优希也不会感到有丝毫的恐怖感。
三个人几乎同时被小鸟的鸣叫吵醒了。最后一次换上的蜡烛已经熄灭，但彼此可以看清对方的脸，外边肯定天亮了。风雨声消失了，代之以小鸟鸣叫的声音、振翅而飞的声音以及小动物们活动时沙沙作响的声音。
优希率先钻出洞穴，长颈鹿和刺猬也跟着钻出来，跨过大楠木裸露的树根，站在了森林里。森林里的一切，看得清清楚楚。
太阳刚刚升起来，还没有阳光照进森林。但是，森林自身好像发出了柔和的光，把森林的各个角落照亮了。优希靠在大楠木的树干上，环视着眼前的森林。
树木和花草就像获得了新生，那么绿，那么鲜艳，那么有光泽，那么安祥地呼吸着。森林像一个巨大的生物在呼吸着，从树间的土地上，从茂密的野草和藤蔓上，从红色的、黄色的、白色的野花上，朝霭正在袅袅升起。
三个人深深地呼吸着早上清新的空气。甘甜的花香，略带酸味儿的野果的清香，苔鲜和野草的湿流流的浓香，从森林内部发出的树木的香气，混合在一起，让人感到身心清爽极了。
小鸟的叫声更大了，从各个方向传过来，三人同时抬起了头。从茂密的树叶之间看到的小块儿的天空，可以想像，外面的世界已经是彩霞满天、阳光灿烂。
Notes:
Notes: