When I arrived in a slightly larger town on the border between Gunma Prefecture and Saitama Prefecture, I saw a poster of an art exhibition being held in Tokyo on the wall of the station building, and the atmosphere of Tokyo was immediately conveyed.
From the sign in front of the station, I learned that there is a branch of the library nearby.Every time Jingren found the library, he would go to the library to read the newspapers of the dates that he did not get, and mainly local newspapers.Xing Shi also learned during the trip that in national newspapers, news related to politics or economics even occupies the social pages, and there are unexpectedly many days without death reports.Nevertheless, local newspapers carry daily reports of accidents or cases leading to the death, mostly in nearby areas.Sometimes there is a brief introduction of the deceased person in the publication, and Jingren carefully writes down the notes.
The whole day was spent in the library, they decided to stay in the park in the town, bought food in the supermarket, went to the bathhouse they met by chance, and washed their clothes in the coin-operated washing machine.They mourned for the victims of accidents and cases in the center of the town for two consecutive days. When they entered the town at noon on the third day, they boarded the bus to the edge of the town.In a remote mountain forest, four young people committed suicide by burning charcoal in a car this summer.
According to the librarian, this is a case that has become a topic in the local area, so the exact location can be ascertained.However, in addition to the gender, age and place of origin of the deceased, the newspaper did not even publish the name, and it seems that the information Jingren needs to perform the mourning cannot be obtained.
They asked the driver again at the end of the bus, walked from the road with few traffic to the unpaved mountain road, and stepped on the piled leaves.The narrow road, which can only accommodate one car, leads to the scene that is said to be located next to the high-tension line tower.Finally arrived at the iron tower surrounded by iron fences.The car seemed to have been removed. Although the exact location was not clear, there was an atmosphere, as if the wind passing through the interior of the mountain forest was deposited here. Jingren took a deep breath, as if smelling the wind, he touched it. The trunks of trees, kneeling among fallen leaves.
"Hey...you don't know the other person's name, nor do you know the situation of love and gratitude, can you mourn?" Xing Shi asked.
Shizuto's eyes fell on the deep overlapping of fallen leaves that had begun to rot, "It is impossible for me to mourn the passing of one by one. However, it is true that four unique people who are irreplaceable have passed away here, So even if there are only these, I want to engrave them in my heart with this scenery.”
In the cold wind that sent birds chirping from a distance, he raised his right hand, picked up a few fallen leaves that were still wet from the previous rain with his left hand, pressed the fallen leaves to his chest with both hands, and lowered his head.
During this period, Xingshi sat on the base of the iron tower to rest.Seeing that Jingren ended her mourning, she immediately walked away, unconsciously saying:
"Wait a minute." He stopped.When we first started walking together, if she said wait, he would come back and ask if you were okay, or massage her cramped leg, or help her with a blister on her foot.She felt that since telling the truth about what happened with Sakuya...he only asked how are you, and almost didn't even look back.
"The last bus here is early." His flat tone is similar to that, the same as when he asked "what time are you going to walk with me?"
Sure enough, I heard it wrong... The fear of being thrown down surged up from his feet like cold air, and Xingshi stood up.At the same time, Shuo, who had been hiding so far, also poked his head out, teasingly said:
<Oh My God.Like a woman who is afraid of being abandoned by her lover.Are you going to hold his leg? >
Coupled with the uneasiness towards Jingren, she became angry and replied "Shut up".
Jingren, who took a step forward, turned his head: "What are you looking at? I didn't say it to you." Shuo also said and sneered at him.
Xing Shi realized that he wanted to say the same thing just now.I wanted to tell you what you were looking at, but I didn't tell you...was it a coincidence.But not just now.I didn't realize it much before, but recently... She thinks that this is also after telling Jingren the truth about what happened between herself and Sakuya, that is, to the outside world... Xing Shi began to feel that she told Sakuya If so, before or after that moment, she herself had the idea of wanting to say that.
What's going on here, she thought, looking over her right shoulder.Shuo also hid himself and didn't answer.She turned her head, and the shadow between Jingren's eyebrows was heavier, and she was looking at her.When she told him how she had killed Shuo, she said that Shuo was also on her shoulder, but she couldn't explain clearly.She was driven by the urge to try him again.
"He's attached to me, on my shoulder. It's Mr. Komizu Sakuya who I killed. He sometimes pokes his face out from behind and talks to me. He also keeps watching your mourning, and laughs and says silly .”
Jingren's expression did not change.She flinched a little, but thought about it, I am a murderer, and it makes a lot of difference whether I am suspected of being crazy or not.Talking about his travels is crazy, isn't it?
"Since it's you, can you see it? He didn't really die. He is such a special person."
Shizuto cast his eyes on Xingshi's shoulder.She looked forward, thinking that he might see it.However, Jingren immediately turned and took a step forward.Its attitude, not so much the fear of madness, but the refusal to lie, made her angry.
"Wait. I've been going so far, you can also take care of me and take a break. I'm not just in the way. Because I'm here, you also get help, don't you?" Maybe because of this It sounded a bit like pretending to be a favor, Jingren seemed to look this way in disbelief.
"As you said, you were often questioned by the police before. But after we traveled together, didn't we have it once? Taking a woman doesn't look suspicious, and it's easy to be misunderstood as a pilgrim, isn't it?"
The truth is never known.Perhaps it is because Jingren's mourning method and questioning of people are more skilled than those at the beginning of the trip, even if people feel suspicious, they will not be so alert as to call the police.But she deliberately said forcefully, "The person you questioned must sometimes be easy to speak because there is a woman next to him."
"...Indeed, there may have been such a situation."
Jingren readily admitted.But Xing Shi didn't have time to breathe a sigh of relief, "But, even without you, I can continue forever."
With that said, he took a step towards the way he came.Xing Shi had no more words to refute, and moved his heavy legs forward.
After walking back to the driveway for a while, I saw the rear of the last bus leaving the station.Jingren didn't blame Xingshi either, and continued walking after passing the station.She wondered if he planned to walk to the town, "Hey, sleep in the open near here and wait for the bus to come in the morning, okay?"
Jingren didn't answer, Xingshi picked up the small stone at his feet and threw it over.The stone fell away from him and he walked across the drive as if chasing the stone.In the depths overgrown with weeds ahead, there were two warehouse-like buildings.When I came, it seemed that I missed it because I took the bus.
Xingshi estimated that the two-story building was probably a factory that manufactured industrial parts in the past.Looking into the interior of the dusk light through the windows with almost no glass left, one can see a large concrete floor stretching empty, scattered with wall and ceiling building materials.The same thing happened in another building, where the ceiling was collapsing and rainwater was collecting on the ground.Jingren opened the unlocked sliding door of the building in front of him.The air inside was shaken, and the dust was scattered like flying insects in the oblique light shot from the window.
The house surrounded by walls and ceilings is warmer than the park these days, and it calms people down mentally.When Jingren started to prepare dinner, Xingshi also planned to take out food, she suddenly noticed and counted the money she brought.Since the trip, due to some necessary expenses, the breakup fee she received from Shuoya's parents' house with the promise of not showing up has been reduced to nearly half.If the current pace is followed, the trip will have to be terminated in three or four months.Perhaps it could be reversed that travel is allowed to continue until that date.
"Starting tomorrow, don't go together again." After the meal, Jingren said abruptly.
Xing Shi couldn't understand what he said.On the day her father left the house for the last time, he said "so goodbye" to Xingshi who chased him outside the door, and waved his hand lightly. The scene at that time came to her mind without any connection.Also, the mother's lover, who put the photo of the dead daughter in the pendant box, smiled and said "goodbye" to Xingshi who was beside her on the day she broke up with her mother, and the pain in her heart also surfaced at that time.
"Why... But... Didn't you say that it's okay to follow along?"
"I just said you could go in the same direction."
Jingren's attitude is as indifferent as ever.Xing Shi also thought that maybe it was because Shuo was also on his shoulders, maybe he was afraid that he would go crazy, but such a change in his heart could not be seen from his expression.
"All right, then. I'll follow you as before."
"I didn't ask before, but what is your purpose in leaving?"
His voice was uncharacteristically stern.Xingshi thought that it would be great if she could determine her life and death through this trip, but she seemed unable to explain this to others, so she turned her face away.
That night, she couldn't sleep, wasting time in vain, and when she noticed that Jingren folded her sleeping bag, she got up.The window has turned white.The breakfast he prepared was for one person.Fortunately, he also bought some snacks, bread and nutrition gel as a reserve, so he was not troubled.After eating, Shizuto looked at his notes and maps, and after cleaning the sleeping place, he went out to catch the first bus.Xing Shi also followed without saying a word.
Once back in town by bus, Shizuto mourns at a construction site a Peruvian man who died when a crane fell.In the late afternoon, I left the town and came to the big river as the county boundary.He walked slowly and steadily, without resting.Fortunately, due to lack of sleep, he was tired all over, and it was quite hard to follow along.
After a while, it rained sparsely and the wind picked up.This is what Jing people often say, the wind is more difficult to walk than the rain.Xing Shi encountered the wind that swept over the mountain many times, and his steps were unsteady.
Jingren walked into a place by the river that looked like a pile of building materials.Steel products such as steel pipes are placed on one side, and processed wood such as logs are placed on the opposite side.Someone must have died in an accident or something.
He walked towards the house that looked like a management lodge at the end of the lot.Xing Shi squatted in the shadow of the doorpost and waited.The light rain wets the hair, and the raindrops flow down the neck.She took out the raincoat and put it on while holding down the raincoat that was fluttering in the wind.
<You are so persistent.Is it because if he runs away you will die alone? >
Shuo also appeared on her right shoulder and yawned big.Xing Shi didn't even have the energy to answer.
She felt someone and turned her head away.Jingren knelt on one knee in front of the stacked steel.In front of the hut at the end stood a man with white hair, watching his actions.After finishing her mourning, Jingren stood up, bowed deeply to the man, and walked out the door.Xing Shi also stood up and walked behind him.
"What kind of mourning did you do? Who died?"
It was hard to keep silent, she tried asking.Thinking that he might not answer, Jingren turned his face slightly to this side and said, "Four years ago, a pile of steel fell down, resulting in the death of a person who was working."
His voice was broken by the wind.
"It's the son of the one just now. He regrets not making his son a company employee. He is also angry at his son's carelessness. After four years of remorse and anger that have not disappeared, I take this as love between those two Condolences."
His pace was about the same as usual, perhaps because Xingshi's legs couldn't move, the distance gradually opened up.
"In this level of rain, it's best to take off the raincoat. Sometimes it will be wrapped in the wind and blown down." Jingren said at the front.He stopped and looked this way.
"Leave me alone. We go our separate ways, don't we?"
She snapped back stubbornly.Jingren wanted to say something, but gave up and came back here.
He put down the backpack in front of Xingshi, took out the rope from it, and cut it to an appropriate length with a utility knife.Pulling away the rope again, he put his hands behind Xingshi, pulled the rope to the front, pressed the bulging part of the backpack, and tied it to her chest.
She found that the raincoat no longer had gaps for the wind to fill in.
<Look, isn't this an opportunity?Just hold on to this guy. >
After listening to Sakuya's instigation, she put her hands together and pushed Jingren away: "I said leave me alone!"
Jingren's face didn't change at all, he checked the condition of Xingshi's raincoat, then turned and walked away.
The road with only occasional traffic is completely deserted. The road rises in the shape of a dam, with the riverbed on the left and water flowing forward.On the right side of the road, the grass sank into a low-lying land, and then continued to the direction of the mountain.Because I didn't ask him where he was going next, and just walked blindly, the feeling of futility became stronger and stronger.The distance between Jingren and Jingren further widened.She felt uneasy and wanted to shout, etc., but closed her mouth tightly to hold back.
<You can call him.Just hug him and say take me away.you need him right? >
Sakuya's words made her doubt her ears.I... need that man?
<As I said before, if you think about ending this trip, if you can’t find the way to go, you choose to drag him to death. This idea is a kind of coquettishness.Live or die, you're starting to need that guy. >
"Liar! What do you think I need someone? This kind of feeling, I threw it away when I was determined to kill you." She retorted.
<If the other party is an ordinary person, it won't be of much use to you.But that guy is not ordinary.He wanders in the neighborhood of death.That is to say, he stood between you who killed someone and me who was killed. >
"So what? No matter where he stands, there is no reason why I need that man."
<Do you want to live? >
Shuo also paused and said.There is no usual sarcastic tone, but with pity.
<You want the man in the middle to push me into the world of the dead and push you back into the world of the living, right?Are you beginning to realize that if you are with him, there is a possibility of surviving? >
Alive... me?I, who killed the one I love, can really live...?
<Why don't you see the truth?did you really love meIs that love? >
"...What do you mean...how can you say that I never loved you?"
In the beginning, in order to be loved by Sakuya, I read his difficult collection of books, and kept imagining how he would look at what happened every day and what he would say.Desperately changing her lifestyle to suit him.Even after his death, on the one hand, he did not see the body, so somewhere in his heart he thought he was alive, and imagined his thoughts and words in everything, that is to say, he had been trying to assimilate with him.
"I loved you. That's why I did what you wanted and killed you."
She shouted in her heart, and felt aggrieved in her heart, so she untied the rope tied by Jingren.Suddenly a gust of wind blew down from the other side of the mountain, got into the gap of the raincoat, and blew her up all at once.She tried to stand on her feet, but her toes were on the ground, and she couldn't make any effort.The wind became stronger, and the raincoat bulged, and before she could cry out, she rolled to the river bed.
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