Chapter 8 Agarwood crumbs second incense burner (2)

A person who feels worse than death is not responsible for anyone.He drove the car for more than ten miles in one breath, and came to the coast, where he and a few single friends organized a small club.Today is not the weekend, and his friends are all working, so he is alone in the simple green-painted cabin.He sat on the beach, surrounded by the steaming heat of the sun, sand, and sea water, and passed one morning and another afternoon.The whole world is like a decayed tooth, numb, and I don't feel anything, but when the wind blows, there is some faint pain.When he himself believed that he had regained his control, he drove back again. The servants saw him and didn't dare to ask any questions.He called Mrs. Michelle.Mrs. Michelle said: "Hey! You are Roger..." Roger said: "Is Su Xi at your place?" Mrs. Michelle paused and said: "Here." Roger said: "I will come right away! Mrs. Michelle paused again and said, "Okay, you come!" Roger took the receiver in his hand and didn't hang it up.Hearing that, he also quietly took the receiver in his hand, as if he was stunned for a while, and then hung up with a squeak.

Roger took the car to the High Street, thinking all the way, he took this matter too seriously, shyness is the normal state of girls, growing up in a special environment, maybe they are more confused than others; their Cohabitation life is not without hope of success.The present Hong Kong was the background of yesterday's unpleasant memories, but they could go to Japan or Hawaii for their honeymoon together, and in that remote and beautiful place, he could try to give her some love education.love education!Nasty nouns of that kind always aroused his disgust.At that moment, he almost wished that what he married was a more humane, experienced bad woman, a woman who did not need "education of love".When he reached the High Street, Mrs. Mitchell opened the door herself, and said with a smile, "It's only at this time, Roger! It's making us anxious. You two have a childish temper, and it's outrageous!" Roger asked: "Where is Suxi?" Mrs. Mitchell said: "On the balcony of the back building." She led the way upstairs.Roger felt that although she was trying to put on a brisk joking attitude, her face was red and white, and her expression was uncertain.She seemed a little afraid of him, but also a little unhappy, blaming him for not apologizing.Roger pressed his lips together; why should he apologize?What did he do wrong?At the stairs, Mrs. Mitchell stood still, put one hand on Roger's arm, and said hesitantly: "Roger..." Roger said: "I know!" He walked towards the back stairs alone.Mrs. Michelle held the stairs with her hand and said with a smile: "I hope you are lucky!" Roger stopped suddenly after walking a few steps.At noon yesterday, before the wedding, she also blessed them like a curse... He frowned, closed his eyes quickly, and opened them again.Without looking back, he said hastily, "Thank you!" and entered the room.It was Kathleen's bedroom, dark and unlit, with the smell of talcum powder in the air.The glass door was open, Su Xi probably just took a shower, she was wearing a white silk dressing gown, and she was sitting on the iron railing of the small balcony with her back to him.The street under the balcony is sloping, with mud and weeds plummeting down ten feet, so at a glance, there is nothing but the sea at dusk, and the other side of Kowloon, a string of green gasoline lamps, flickering and flickering squinted his eyes.Luo Jie stood at the glass door and called out "Suxi!" Suxi didn't move at all, but she couldn't help her white silk shirt being blown away by the wind and patted the railing, and neither could Roger. He suppressed his voice, trembling uncontrollably.He walked behind Su Xi and wanted to put his hands on her shoulders, but he made a futile gesture in the air with both hands, then dropped them again.He said: "Suxi, please forgive me!" He said this against his heart, because he now forgives her innocence.

Su Xi turned around, grabbed his hand, put it on her cheek, and cried: "I forgive you! I forgive you! Heh, Roger, why didn't you give me a chance to say this earlier Words? I've hated you all day!" Roger said, "Honey!" She spun around on him, in danger of slipping off the railing.He wanted to get closer to let her lean on him, but it seemed...more dangerous.After hesitating for a while, he slipped under the railing and sat face-in on the second railing.The two sat facing each other like children.Luo Jie said: "We're going on our honeymoon tomorrow." Su Xi was surprised: "Didn't you say you have to wait for next month, after the final exam?" Roger said: "No, tomorrow! Japan, Hawaii, Manila, take your pick." Su Xi squeezed his hand a little tighter.Yesterday, Roger's attitude towards her was wrong, but after these twists and turns, he now knows how to repent.This is the first step in the "education of love" she gave him.Japan, Hawaii... Under the mysterious moonlight in a foreign land, she can complete her "education of love".She said, "Do you think they'll let you go?" Roger smiled and said, "Can they control me? Anyway, I've been here for fifteen years, so I can always accommodate this." Su Xi said "How long can we go? Six weeks? Two months?" Roger said: "The whole summer vacation." Su Xi tightened his hand again.It was getting dark and the wind was picking up.Luo Jie sat at a relatively low position, and the hem of his thin clothes, blown by the wind, flew straight to his face.She smiled and covered his cheeks with both hands; her thumb slowly wiped along his coat of arms and along his eyelids.This time, she didn't say anything, but he couldn't help remembering her warm words.He said, "Should we go back?" She nodded.Arm in arm, they walked through Kasling's room and came out.

Mrs. Mitchell was still standing where she had been, on the upstairs landing.On the stairs downstairs, there stood Mi Lisheng, with auburn hair disheveled, snow-white face, a little swollen under the eye sockets, her head raised, and her pointed chin stretched out as far as she could. A heated debate.Luo Jie said: "Good night, Mi Lisheng!" Mi Lisheng didn't answer.She hung her arms straight, her fingers stretched apart and tightened again.Mrs. Miqiuer took three steps and two steps to rush downstairs in front of them, hugged Mi Lisheng, and pushed her against the wall, as if she was afraid of her doing anything.Seeing this situation, Roger couldn't help but change color.Su Xi leaned her head on his arm, and said softly: "Hawaii..." Yes, they are going to Hawaii tomorrow, far away from Mi Lisheng, Mrs. Miqiuer, Pu Ou... know their Although there are not many people involved, it is already embarrassing enough.Of course, after they came back from their trip, they still had to see these people, but at that time, they had a real close bond, all suspicions were wiped out, and they were not afraid of anyone anymore.Luo Jie smiled slightly at Xiang Su, and the two of them went downstairs still arm in arm.Walking in front of Mi Lisheng, even though it was an early summer night, the temperature dropped suddenly, Roger could feel the white air from Mi Lisheng's breath spraying on his neck.He turned around and said to Mrs. Mi Qiuer: "Goodbye, Mom!" Su Xi also said: "Mom, see you tomorrow!" Mrs. Mi Qiuer said: "See you tomorrow, dear!" Mi Lisheng snorted softly , I don't know if she is laughing or moaning.She said, "Mom, after all, Suzy is braver than me. I never spoke a word to Frank on the phone." When she mentioned her husband Frank's name, her thin lips moved up, A row of tiny teeth showed, blue-white in the light, little blue teeth... Roger shuddered.Mrs. Mi Qiuer said: "Come on, Mi Lisheng, let's go to the balcony to enjoy the shade." Luo Jie and Su Xi went out and got into the car, they seldom talked in the car, they talked about the various procedures for buying the boat ticket tomorrow.Su Xi planned to pack her luggage as soon as she got home; when she got home, Roger ordered the servants to prepare dinner.The servants still seemed to be in a panic and lost their minds.The bedroom hadn't been tidied up for them either; the lamp was still low, less than a foot away from the bed.Luo Jie looked up at Suxi's photo, and then looked down at Suxi. He couldn't believe that she was really in this room.Holding the lampshade with his hand, he pointed the light at her face.Su Xi couldn't open her eyes, she smiled and shouted sharply: "Hey, hello! What are you doing?" She covered her eyes with both hands, and tilted her head back, revealing a row of little eyes when she smiled. Teeth, so white they turned blue. ...little blue tooth!But how beautiful!Her fluffy light-blond hair floated in the shadow of the lamp.A person with such soft hair must always have soft dreams in his head, right?Should there be him in the dream?

He threw away the lamp, which swung low, and their great black shadows swung all over the room.He wanted to kiss her, but she said: "Now you kiss my cheek first, later, when we say good night, maybe I will let you kiss my mouth." Later, he was going to push the lamp up and return it to its original place, She said: "No, let it go, I like these shadows." Roger laughed: "The shadows make me panic; our smallest movements are all magnified by them ten times, and they are performed on the roof." Said softly: "As far as I'm concerned, it's not big enough. Oh, Roger, I want everyone to know how much I love you. I want everyone to know what a lovely person you are!" Roger thought again kiss her.The servant knocked on the door and came in to report: "Mr. Barker is here." Su Xi pouted and said, "Look, you haven't gone to ask the principal for leave, but he came to stop you first!" Roger said with a smile: "How could this be so What if? He came just in time, saving me from looking for him tomorrow." He hurried to the guest room.Buck stood in front of the window with his hands behind his back and facing outside.He was a tall, slender man with a slightly hunchbacked back, with two clusters of snow-white hair on his sideburns, but only a bare, bright red head remained in the middle of his head, like a wedding egg.Roger smiled and said, "Good evening, Mr. Barker, I'm just looking for you. We're going to Hawaii tomorrow. Although the school isn't on holiday yet, I'd like to ask you to forgive me for taking the first step. Mr. McPhee can replace me Approving test papers, and matters in the dormitory, I think you can leave it to Lambert." Buck turned to look at him, and said slowly: "Oh...you are going to Hawaii....your wife is planning to go together Is it?" Roger laughed, and said with a smile: "According to the usual habit, the wife always goes with me on the honeymoon, right? You may not bring the servant who cooks with you!" Buck didn't agree with him. Laughing, he still followed and asked, "Is your wife happy to go?" Roger looked at him in surprise, changed his throat and replied, "Of course!" Buck blushed, as if angry, and then changed his mind. After thinking about it, he sighed and said, "Ann Baideng, you know, she's still a child...a wayward child..." Roger didn't speak, just looked at him with his eyes open.When Buck was about to continue speaking, he seemed a little embarrassed. He turned his back again, faced the window, coughed lightly, and said, "An Baiden, we have been working together for fifteen years. During these ten years In the past five years, I think your spirit of doing things has satisfied us in various ways. As for your private life, we have no right to interfere. Even if we have the right to interfere within a limited range, we have nothing to criticize..." Roger walked to the window and asked, "What's going on, Buck? Please tell me straight up, we are such close friends, is there any need to be polite?" Buck looked deeply into his eyes. Glancing at it, it seemed that he suspected that he was pretending to be stupid.Roger said gruffly: "What's going on?" Buck coughed again, and said in earnest: "I think you're not controlling your own emotions this time, and you're not controlling your wife's behavior too well. Be stricter, so that the blame will fall into the hands of those who are at odds with you..." Roger said through his teeth: "Tell me, Buck, what is going on?" Buck said : "Last night at two o'clock, your wife ran into the boys' dormitory. It seemed that she was a little frightened. She didn't tell them much, but... it was enough to give them a lot of information. This morning, she Come to see me and ask me to come out and make decisions for her. Naturally, I was very embarrassed, and thought of a few words to send her away. Unexpectedly, if she didn't do anything, she would go on and on, so she went to Mao Lishi. You know that Mao Lishi was expelled last time I'm not happy with you about the two students. He knew she didn't have sufficient grounds for divorce; but he agreed to find a lawyer for her to make the matter worse. In the afternoon, your mother-in-law took her daughter around Visit friends, especially your colleagues. Now almost all the above-average British families in Hong Kong know about it."

After hearing these words, Roger's face turned blue, but he still put on a very relaxed look. He leaned against the window, with his two thumbs in his trouser pockets, and his exposed fingers gently patted his thigh.Hearing the last sentence, he seemed to be unable to bear it anymore, and laughed out loud: "This matter?...I still want to ask you, this matter...what is going on? Did I break the law? "Buck replied evasively: "According to the law...of course...of course there is no legal problem..." The end of Roger's laugh sounded like a sob.He suddenly found himself unable to explain; even to his closest friends, such as Buck, he could not explain the misunderstanding.As for the rest, Hong Kong's above-average British society, what can he say to those people?Those men, like small white iron alarm clocks, eat, drink tea, sit in the toilet, and sit in the office according to the time, with nothing in their minds except the ticking of the pendulum; perhaps because of the hot climate in the east , the clock is not accurate, but a clock is still a clock.Girl, she is knotted all day long, and her furry face looks like a brushed sweater... Can he explain the shortcomings of Suxi's family education to these people?Roger himself likes to be an ordinary person.Now, the environment forced him and pushed him outside the circle of the public, and he felt the stupidity inside the circle—the cruelty of stupidity... Isn't it scary to be outside the circle?Little blue teeth, huge black shadows swaying above his head, pointing and poking... Many cold thoughts floated on his face like newly woven cobwebs. got rid of.He put a hand on Buck's shoulder and said, "I'm so sorry for making you so hard. I'll resign tomorrow!" Buck said, "Where are you going?" Roger shrugged and said, " There are many places to go. Shanghai, Nanjing, Beijing, Hankou, Xiamen, Singapore, and some are big schools. The British in China, shouldn’t they be unemployed?” Buck said: “I advise you not to go to Shanghai, the universities there Most of them are sponsored by the church. You know they are very harsh on the selection of professors... I mean, you know their usual prejudice. As for places like Beijing, the atmosphere of the church in the school is quite strong... Roger laughed and said, "Don't worry about me, Buck, you've made me feel even more sorry. Well, see you tomorrow, thank you for telling me all this." Buck said, "I'm really sorry, but I think you must Know what I have to do..." Roger said with a smile: "See you tomorrow!" Buck said: "Fifteen years, An Baideng..." Roger said: "See you tomorrow!"

After Buck left, Roger was always standing dumbfounded, facing out the window, still with his two thumbs in his trouser pockets, and the rest of his fingers patted his thighs lightly.Following the rhythm of the hands, the heels also knocked on the ground and moved on tiptoe.He used this sound to cover his own intermittent sobs.He couldn't let himself hear himself cry!In fact, it's not crying, it's just that I can't breathe for a while.He was only in this state for a minute or two, and then he was fine.He is leaving Hong Kong—Hong Kong, yesterday he called it a dank, hot, foreign town; today he knows it is his only hometown.He still has his mother in England, but he always feels uncomfortable when he goes home every four or five years.However, what is there to miss in the East?Not his job.When he first came to teach at South China University fifteen years ago, he was a young man who loved his work enthusiastically. He sometimes used his brain to think about it when he was working.But the air in South China University is not conducive to thinking.In spring, the rhododendrons all over the mountain are red in the lingering rain, rustling and falling, falling endlessly, red continuously.In summer, you crawled across the ridge of loess to go to class, and red and hot hibiscus flowers bloomed along the road, like many small suns that were burnt.In autumn and winter, the air is crisp and sweet, like sandwich biscuits.Mountain winds, sea breezes, humming, blowing the brown-green, pale-silver trees.You just want to take a few dogs, roar to the mountains, and do some strenuous exercise without thinking.Time passed like this.For fifteen years, he has not changed his lecture notes; the research on physical chemistry is advancing with each passing day, but he never reads new scientific books and magazines; he even forgets more than half of what he has read before.He is still using the textbook he adopted fifteen years ago.When he was studying in England twenty years ago, he still used the lecture notes as supplementary materials, and occasionally told a few jokes in class, which he had been telling for fifteen years.The nitrogen class has nitrogen jokes, hydrogen has hydrogen jokes, and oxygen has oxygen jokes.Such a person, as long as he knows a little bit of humor, he can't think highly of himself, right?He didn't think highly of himself, and he didn't have much confidence in the university education he had devoted half his life to.But anyway, it's not a bad thing to gather a thousand laid-back young people in beautiful surroundings, even if you ignore their intellectual and spiritual troubles.Whether it's good or bad, he's lived like that for fifteen years, and he hasn't hindered anyone, he's just a law-abiding person, why doesn't Suxi, that yellow-haired girl, let him live like this? ?Thinking of Suxi, he went to the room to look for Suxi.She was squatting on the ground sorting boxes, with a small saucer of digging flowers on her knees, and beside her were piles of Chinese sky blue satin mending suits and bright red flat gold skirts for masquerading and dancing.At the sound of his footsteps, she looked up, but her eyes were dazzled by the light from the lowered lamp, and she could not see him.She smiled and said, "It's been so long!" He didn't speak, just stood at the door, his huge shadow covered the entire roof.Su Xi thought that he was staring at her eagerly like before, so she decided to be more generous.She tilted her head slightly, yawned, her blue eyelids were about to close dimly, and said with a smile, "I'm going to sleep. Now you can kiss me, just once!" Roger heard this As soon as he spoke, he suddenly felt that his two arms were extremely heavy, filled with energy, and fell sorely.He might actually hit her.He didn't, of course he didn't, he just tilted his head back and laughed, his laughter was like little red cloth strips that were blown apart from a string of firecrackers, jumping back into his face in the air, slapped him on the cheek.Su Xi was taken aback, she couldn't squat steadily, she sat on the ground and looked at him in astonishment.He finally stopped laughing, as if he had something to say to her, looked at her, and laughed again, laughing all the way, all the way out.That night, he stayed in the hotel.

The next day, he went to the principal's office to submit a formal letter of resignation.Buck played with the letter paper, and asked slowly: "Of course, are you going to help us for a month after resigning in accordance with our original contract?" Roger said: "Well... If you think That is absolutely necessary... I know that the school is very busy this month, but Mr. McPhee can approve the test papers for me, and Lambert, you have also expressed that you think he is quite reliable... "Buck said: "No matter how reliable he is, this is the time of the big exam, and you know that you are indispensable here." Roger said nothing.After all this trouble, how could he continue to work with the professors, teaching assistants, and secretaries here?How could he control the students in the dormitory?He knew very well what a bastard they regarded him as!Buck said again: "I know very well that there are special reasons for your resignation this time. Under such circumstances, I cannot insist on requiring you to fulfill the original conditions. But I still hope that you will stay here for three more weeks, For our many years of friendship... I have already said it yesterday, and I would like to say it again today: I am extremely sorry for this incident. I am really sorry for wronging you in various places. Maybe You don't think I'm a friend enough. If I lost a friend like you because of this, I'd be even more sorry for myself. But, Ann Beiden, I think you know that I'm sorry for my position. This is not the first time." Roger was moved by his words.He was someone Buck particularly admired.In the past fifteen years, he has always followed the rules and did not mess up. Now he should have the beginning and the end.He thought about it for a while, and decided: "Okay, I'll wait until the exam is over and the staff meeting is over." Buck stood up and shook hands with him, "Thank you!" Roger also stood up , said goodbye to him, and left the principal's office.

He had expected that what he had undertaken would not be an easy task, but the facts were more complicated than he had imagined.He is the head of the science department and dormitory supervisor.During the exams, he had a great deal of personal contact with his students.In terms of exams, there are oral exams and experiments; in the dormitory, he can’t allow them to have deviant behavior such as driving late at night; students who are too nervous often quarrel with the dormitory supervisor over some trivial matters; some students finish the exam early , Once the mood is relaxed, there must be a violent reaction, Roger can't let them hold a carnival party in the dormitory, disturbing other people.Roger was terrified of this kind of negotiation, because the students were young and energetic, and they were not good at hiding their hearts.He has been in charge of the dormitory for many years, and he usually offends them a lot. They have always had a bad impression of him, but they dare not express anything because of their prestige.Now that he himself has misbehaved and lost his dignity, they have no regard for decency, and they speak rudely in his face, and when he turns around, they openly laugh at him, and Roger always feels sweat on his back when he walks around in the crowd A large piece was removed, and the white coat was wrinkled and stuck to his body.As for the teaching staff, they are of course more reserved than the students. Not only are they nonchalant on the surface, but they are also very considerate to him. They never mention the move of his apartment, as if he has been living in a hotel all these years.They also didn't talk about school affairs, because without him in the future plan, maybe he was a little bit at a loss.They avoid all moral issues; leisure products such as novels and movies are too much related to men and women, and they cannot criticize or introduce them in his presence. The only talking point in the faculty circle was his marriage.They dare not even mention politics and the overall situation of the world easily, because there are often one or two grumpy old men who will pant and advise everyone not to forget to maintain the prestige that white people deserve in the colonies, so everyone immediately falls silent and thinks about Roger. Ann Baidon's ugly history.They were afraid that he would be taboo about so many topics, so they had nothing to say to him, and they were pitifully embarrassed.He avoided them, partly out of compassion, and at the same time, his obvious tact made him very embarrassed.However, what he can't bear the most is the attitude of ordinary women towards him.The female secretary, female typist, female student, and the wives of the teaching staff all looked at him with big stupid and gentle eyes like cows, and their faces turned red and white with fright, fearing that his unhealthy subconscious would suddenly attack, Make him do something he shouldn't do.They despised him and hated him, but at the same time they shyly loved all criminals, brutal, savage, primitive males.If he stays here long enough, one day they'll drive him to be like this.Because of this, he was even more eager to leave Hong Kong.

He takes two days' work and does it in one day.Su Xi and his matter, he knew it was very difficult to resolve.The divorce law in the UK is particularly severe. The two parties agree to divorce, but it is not legally effective; unless one party commits adultery, madness, or goes to prison for a crime, there is hope of rescinding the contract.If they only covenanted to separate, he would have to support her again.He couldn't gain a foothold in Hong Kong, so he wanted to earn a living elsewhere. Of course she was unwilling to take her away, and even he was unwilling; if he didn't take her away, how could he be able to maintain two families?Under the current hostile situation, will Suxi and her mother forgive him for his difficult situation?But they drove him mad, and it wasn't doing them any good.He believed that Mrs. Michelle would always have a solution; she was an experienced mother-in-law, didn't Mi Lisheng and her husband get a smooth divorce?

Su Xi had already gone home, and Mrs. Mi Qiuer called and sent someone to find Roger several times.Roger was always trying to get the word out that he was busy and that whatever was going on would have to wait a few days.In the present few days, it is impossible for him to calmly deal with the disputes in his marriage.This Saturday afternoon, the exam finally came to a short end.The McPhersons and Buck's eldest son invited him to play tennis.The four of them had been in the habit of playing tennis together for many years; they had to invite him now because they didn't want him to feel different from the old days, and he couldn't go because they didn't want them to feel different from the old days. What is different in the past.However, there are always some strange things; Mrs. McPheeson was absent-minded when she entered the court, and she couldn't hold on after playing a few sets, so she stopped. Buck's son sat with her on the bench by the lawn, watching Roger and McPheeson. singles.Roger was running back and forth when he suddenly felt that there was an extra woman beside Mrs. McPherson outside the stadium. She put her hand on her eyebrows and looked at him intently. Waist up.Mrs. McPherson looked a little embarrassed.He felt that he was a beast in the zoo. He couldn't fight anymore, threw the racket away, and said to McPhee: "I'm tired, let Buck play a few games with you." McPhee laughed Said: "You admit defeat?" Mrs. McPherson said: "People are willing to admit defeat, unlike you. I think you should have a rest long ago. Buck called his father to go to something. It's getting late, let's go back. "Roger and McPherson walked out of the court together.Roger recognized the woman as Dorinda, Professor Moris' house-filling wife.Dorinda was an Englishman of Jewish blood, with curly beige hair, piled high on her head, uncontrollably thick, with a thick nose and a small, receding chin.The slightly protruding light blue eyes are only narrowed when he smiles, a little enchanting.It is said that she used to perform on stage in Tianjin, and she has a flexible body; but now she is wearing a large light-white coat, with her hands in the pockets, and the coat is stretched straight, so that her figure cannot be seen.In order to marry Duo Lingda, Mao Lishi once caused dissatisfaction among the general public in South China University. Before Roger made this incident, Mao Lishi's marriage was considered one of the most sensational acts.Roger himself severely criticized Mao Lishi.The rift between the two of them deepened; now Mao Lishi's revenge is even sweeter.Duo Lingda has known Roger for two or three years since she moved into the campus of South China University, but she has never paid so much attention to him. After greeting Roger and McPhee with a smile, she said: "I said, I invite the three of you to come over for a light meal tonight. My husband is going to bring some friends back later, let's join in the fun." Mrs. McPherson said flatly: "I'm sorry, I have something to do and I'm afraid I won't be able to come Now!" Duo Lingda said to McPheeson: "What about you? Let me tell you: My husband recently got a bottle of 1830 brandy. I suspect he has been fooled. Come and try it. Is it true?" Then he smiled at Mrs. McPheeson and said, "He is the only expert in these things, don't you think so?" Mrs. McPheeson didn't answer, but McPheeson smiled and said, "Thank you, I'll be there. What time? Doringda said, "It's eight o'clock." McPhee said, "Do you want to wear an evening dress?" Dolingda said, "That's not necessary. Professor Ann Baideng, you must come today! You haven't been here for a long time We've been there before." Roger said: "I'm so sorry, I found out a bit late, I have an appointment first..." They talked all the way, and walked towards the stone steps in the mountains.Duo Lingda said: "No! If you know it earlier, you have to come, and if you know it later, you have to come!" She walked behind Roger, and Roger suddenly felt a hand pat on his shoulder twice. He was full of disgust, There was a slight tremor in the muscles all over his body.Looking back, it wasn't her hand, but the moss-green silk scarf around her neck, which was blown by the evening wind and licked and licked onto him.He couldn't help thinking of Su's thin white silk bathrobe, on the balcony of Mi Qiuer's house... the sea at dusk, and the long string of green gasoline lamps on the other side of Kowloon, blinking and blinking... Now, again It was dusk, and it was time to rest, to think, to remember her... He was afraid.In any case he couldn't stay alone in the hotel.He smiled at Duo Lingda and said, "I can't talk to Professor Mao Lishi's friends; they are all literati." McPherson interrupted: "By the way, it's their turn to hold their symposium on literature and art today." , everyone must be drunk again. Why did you choose to treat today?" Duolingda chuckled and said, "They didn't come drunk, but they also left drunk. What's the difference? Professor An Baideng , you can't help but look at Mao Lishi's drunken look, it's ridiculous!" Roger thought for a while: it's okay if everyone gets drunk together.She said: "Okay, thank you, I'll come!" Duo Lingda was walking up the gravel steps in high heels, staggering, unavoidably timid, and put her hand on Roger's shoulder.Roger thought it was her scarf at first, but later found out it was her hand, so he quickly put his hand on Mrs. McPheeson, and said to Mrs. Murriss, "Help Mrs. Moris. It's dark, I'm afraid of falling!" Duo Ling Da had no choice but to withdraw her hand and wrap it around McPheeson's arm.The four of them walked to the three-fork intersection together, and Duo Lingda and McPheeson went home separately. Roger went down the mountain alone and drove back to the hotel. After changing clothes, it was almost eight o'clock, and he went to Mao Lishi's house for a banquet. Mao Lishi and the members of their literature and art symposium were really drunk, and they drank a lot during the meeting. After the meal, everyone sat around an electric fan, tongues out, and red-faced, discussing the issue of Indian independence. The section on "The Prestige Due to the White Race in the Colonies" is about to come up.Roger walked away quietly and turned on the radio.Unexpectedly, this radio needs to be repaired, and there is a strange sound of "bobobo, puff, puff, puff, puff, puff, puff, puff, puff, puff!", overwhelming.Roger slammed it shut quickly, and walked to the window with his hands behind his back. There was a green satin sofa facing out by the window, covered with emerald green woven Malay mats, and on the mats was a magazine, opened. On that page, there happened to be a crossword chart.Roger sat down crookedly, pulled out a tube of fountain pen from his inner pocket, and filled in words one by one.While writing, Duo Lingda came over and said with a smile: "What are you doing hiding here alone?" Luo Jie suddenly felt that his behavior was lonely and self-admired, a bit like a quiet and chaste old maid, and he couldn't help but feel ashamed and rushed I pushed the magazine under the sofa cushion on the right, but half of it was exposed.Duo Lingda had already seen clearly, she sat down on his left side, and said with a smile: "I like this thing very much. Come, come, come, let me have a look; you should be almost done, right?" Turning around to get the magazine, sitting on Roger's left head, with the palm resting on Roger's right head, unable to withstand a slight slip, the person was pressed against Roger's body.She was wearing a light black and silver crepe tight-fitting gown, and the clothes on the chest seemed to have two little squirrels, rubbing heavily on Roger's knees.Roger stood up suddenly, and she rolled down with a thud.Roger's first priority is to turn around and see if the people in the room have noticed them. Fortunately, Mao Lishi and others are in the midst of a debate, the electric fan is whistling, and the radio is turned on again. The jazz music of the Hong Kong Hotel and the cheers like spring thunder came faintly.罗杰揩了一把汗；当着毛立士的面和他太太勾搭，那岂不是证实了他是一个色情狂患者，不打自招，变本加厉。 他低下头来看看哆玲妲，见她伏在地上，一动也不动，可是他知道她并不是跌伤了或是晕厥过去。她是在思想着。想些什么？这贪婪粗俗的女人，她在想些什么？在这几秒钟内，他怕她怕到了极点。他怕她回过脸来；他怕得立在那里一动也不敢动。她终于支撑着翻过身来，坐在地上，把头枕在沙发沿上，抬起脸来凝视着他。在这昏暗的角落里，她的润泽的脸庞上，眉眼口鼻的轮廓反都镀上了一道光，像夜明表。她用她那微带沙哑的喉咙低低说道：“不要把你自己压制得太厉害呀，我劝你！”但是他几时压制过他自己来着？他不但不爱哆玲妲，她对于他连一些单纯的性的吸引力都没有。他不喜欢她那一派的美。可是他怎么知道他没有压制过他自己呢？关于他的下意识的活动，似乎谁都知道得比他多！经过了这些疑惧和羞耻的经验以后，他还能够有正常的性生活么！哆玲妲又说了：“压制得太厉害，是危险的。你知道佛兰克丁贝是怎样死的？”罗杰失声道：“佛兰克丁贝！靡丽笙的丈夫—— 死了么？“哆玲妲嗤的一声笑了，答道：”他自杀了！我碰见他的时候，在天津，他找不到事——“罗杰道：”他找不到事……“哆玲妲道：”他找到了事又怎样？他还是一样的不会享受人生。可怜的人——他有比别人更强烈的欲望，但是他一味压制着自己。结果他有些疯了，你听见了没有，亲爱的？“她伸手兜住他的膝盖：”亲爱的，别苦了你自己！“她这个半截子话，他完全没有听懂。他心里盘来盘去只有一句话：”靡丽笙的丈夫被他们逼死了！靡丽笙的丈夫被他们逼死了！“不知道为什么，他突然感到一阵洋溢的和平，起先他仿佛是点着灯在一间燥热的小屋里，睡不熟，颠颠倒倒做着怪梦，蚊子蠓虫绕着灯泡子团团急转像金的绿的云。后来他关上了灯。黑暗，从小屋暗起，一直暗到宇宙的尽头，太古的洪荒—— 人的幻想，神的影子也没有留过踪迹的地方，浩浩荡荡的和平与寂灭。屋里和屋外打成了一片，宇宙的黑暗进到他屋子里来了。他哆嗦了一下，身子冷了半截。哆玲妲攀住他的腿，他觉也不觉得。踉踉跄跄地向外走，哆玲妲被他出其不意地一扯，上半个身子又扑倒在地上。罗杰从人丛里穿过去，并没有和主人告别，一直走出门去了。众人一齐瞪着眼望着他，毛立士摇头道：“刚才喝的并不多，何至于醉得这个样子！”兰勃脱道：“去了也罢了。这个人……喝多了酒，说不定会做出什么事来，吓着了女士太太们，倒反而不好！”哆玲妲这时候已经爬起身来，走到人前，看见一张椅子上正放着罗杰的帽子，便弹了一弹她的额角，笑道：“帽子也忘了拿！咳，我看这个人，病越发深了，只怕是好不了！”她抓起了帽子，就跑出门去，在阶前追上了罗杰，喊道：“安白登教授，哪，你的帽子！”把一顶帽子的溜溜地飞掷过来，恰巧落在罗杰的头上。罗杰似乎是不大明白这是怎么一回事，且不回过身来，站定了，缓缓地伸手去捏捏帽檐，然后两只手扶着帽子，把它转，转，转，兜了整整的两个圈子，又摸索了半日，觉得戴合式了，便掉转身，摘下了帽子，向哆玲妲僵僵地微微鞠了一躬。哆玲妲把两只茁壮的胳膊合抱在胸前，缩着肩膀向他一笑，便进去了。罗杰并不下山去找他的汽车回旅馆去，却顺着山道，向男生的宿舍走来。这一条路，就是新婚的那晚上他的妻子愫细跑出去，他在后面追着喊着的那条路；那仿佛是几百年前的事了。这又是一个月夜，山外的海上浮着黑色的岛屿，岛屿上的山，山外又是海，海外又是山。海上，山石上，树叶子上，到处都是呜呜咽咽笛子似的清辉；罗杰却只觉得他走到哪里，暗到哪里。路上遇到几批学生，他把手触一触帽檐，向他们点点头，他们是否跟他打招呼，他却看不清楚。也许他们根本不能够看见他。他像一个回家托梦的鬼，飘飘摇摇地走到他的住宅的门口，看看屋里漆黑的。连仆人房里也没有灯，想必是因为他多天没有回家，仆欧们偷空下乡去省亲去了。他掏出钥匙来开了门进去，捻开了电灯。穿堂里面挂满了尘灰吊子，他摘下了帽子，挂在钩子上，衣帽架上的镜子也是昏昏的。他伸出一只食指来在镜子上抹了一抹，便向厨房里走来。厨房里的灯泡子不知为什么，被仆人摘了下去，他只得开了门，借着穿堂里的一点灯光，灌上了一壶水，在煤气炉子上烧着。在这烧沸一壶水的时间内，他站在一边，只管想着他的事。水快沸了，他把手按在壶柄上，可以感觉到那把温热的壶，一耸一耸地摇撼着，并且发出那呜呜的声音，仿佛是一个人在那里哭。他站在壶旁边只管发呆，一蓬热气直冲到他脸上去，脸上全湿了。水沸了，他把水壶移过一边去。煤气的火光，像一朵硕大的黑心的蓝菊花，细长的花瓣向里拳曲着。他把火渐渐关小了，花瓣子渐渐的短了，短了，快没有了，只剩下一圈齐整的小蓝牙齿，牙齿也渐渐地隐去了，但是在完全消灭之前，突然向外一扑，伸为一两寸长的尖利的獠牙，只一刹那，就“拍”的一炸，化为乌有。他把煤气关了，又关了门，上了闩，然后重新开了煤气，但是这一次他没有擦火柴点上火。煤气所特有的幽幽的甜味，逐渐加浓；同时，罗杰安白登的这一炉香却渐渐地淡了下去，沉香屑烧完了，火熄了，灰冷了。