Chapter 3 i love bill.3

It's yet another new drama, the two have switched roles and their tone of voice has changed.This time they pretended to be ghosts, haunting the old house and making strange noises.They looked at each other's faces, saw nothing real, and thought to themselves: How incredible is this all!This is what makes them both inseparable from each other: Incredible!No one can do it, it has to be the two of them, Bill and Ah San.Sometimes they hug each other naked in front of the window, lift a corner of the curtain, and look at the building across the road.The world surrounded by old window curtains and old wallpaper is more isolated than Huajing Village, even though it is in a busy city.Walking out from here, and then arriving at the brightly lit hotel, both of them felt like they couldn't come back.Across the table, Bill's hand was still resting on the back of Ah San's, eye to eye.In this gaze, it is dyed with the dark atmosphere of the old apartment, and has something profound.

If he changed to a Chinese diplomat, he would have left Ah San, but Bill didn't think like that.He only felt that both he and Ah San were in great need and were both happy. This was the American concept of sexual equality.So, Ah San also avoided thinking of other things, she said to herself: I love Bill, that's enough.She really thought she was happy, and look how she danced!Everyone applauded for her spin, and she applauded for others.Whenever Bill said something funny, she couldn't stop laughing.Walking well, she suddenly got on Bill's back and asked Bill to carry her on his back.Then turn it upside down and she will carry Bill.She couldn't move him on her back, she just let Bill lie on her back and walk with two legs apart.Bill walked and sang his college cheerleading songs.At this time, Ah San is so happy!Who could play better than her and Bill?

But, who knows when Ah San is alone? In this gloomy apartment house, everything is broken.The ceiling was so high, and Ah San was underneath, buried in a pile of pillows, as if she was about to disappear.Ah San also forgot herself.Such a burial can last a whole day and night without eating or drinking, and sleeping is also ambiguous.Without Bill, there would be no Ah San. Ah San exists and is happy for Bill.This house was alive because of Bill, otherwise it would be like a grave.Now, even the chrysanthemums in Huajing Village are far away. At that time, the love for Bill was relatively gentle, unlike now, it became sharp.Ah San has a doll, wearing denim overalls, with blond hair disheveled like a pile of grass, with her hands in her pockets and "Walkman" headphones hanging from her ears.Ah San wrote the name "Bill" on his back.She took it as Bill, not to curse him like traditional Chinese witchcraft, but to love him.

Bill's vacation is coming, and the trip will last for dozens of days.Bill said: I will miss you, Ah San.Ah San blurted out: Can diplomats in your country miss girls from communist countries?As soon as the words came out, Ah San regretted her narrow-mindedness.Unexpectedly, Bill laughed.He didn't hear Ah San's sarcasm, he didn't even think of what he had said, he smiled and said: I'm already missing it.Ah San was even more annoyed, thinking that Bill was so pure in his heart, without any grievances.Although he is older than himself, he is actually a child.How cute is such a big child!Ah San buried her face in his arms, thinking that she was so close to him, but finally had to leave, suddenly a burst of sadness hit her, and tears streamed down her face.Bill thought they were tears of joy, and it stirred him up.This time, Ah San was whimpering from beginning to end, and Bill panted excitedly amidst the whimpering.His face was soaked with Ah San's tears, and Ah San's sadness was also transmitted to him. He also wanted to cry, but he thought it was because of happiness.

Before Bill returned to the United States for vacation, he also came to a large reception at the consulate to welcome the ambassador from Beijing to Shanghai.Ah San also went to join in the fun.As soon as he entered the door, he saw Bill wearing a black suit and standing in the queue to pick up the guests, smiling broadly.His hair was combed neatly, and his face looked very clear.When he shook Ah San's hand and said "Welcome", Ah San felt that they were meeting for the first time.Ah San is also dressed chicly today, with a pair of wooden sandals under the lantern culottes, a wide silk scarf wrapped around her bare shoulders, earrings made of wooden beads, and her hair hanging down her waist. The beads of wood are gathered together.Bill sneaked over and said: You are so beautiful!This not only does not make Ah San feel close, but feels alienated, it is a diplomatic rhetoric.She looked at the handsome Bill socializing with others, and his gestures were simply intoxicating, so handsome!Holding a glass of white wine in her hand, Ah San stood by the long dining table full of food, waiting for the welcome ceremony to begin.People stood and talked in twos and threes, and there were some single ones like her, who didn't pay attention to each other.At this moment, Ah San felt a sense of loss.

The lights around the lawn under the terrace are on, but the sunset glow in the sky has not yet faded.More and more people, gradually crowded up.Among them were some people she knew, friends in the painting world.Seeing Ah San, he asked in surprise: Ah San, you didn't leave?Ah San asked back: Where are you going?A friend said: It is said that you went to the United States.Ah San smiled and didn't answer, but her friend told her that so-and-so went to the United States, and so-and-so went to the United States.Just as they were talking, a small wave was set off in the crowd, and newcomers arrived.It was a woman, wearing a black dress, tall and thin, with a graceful and luxurious appearance, but she raised her arms and spoke loudly, her voice was shrill and harsh, with a vulgar air.She was obviously an old acquaintance here, and many people came to say hello to her.After a while, a group of people gathered around them, like the stars holding the moon.A friend told Ah San that this was a famous female writer, and people said that anyone who could enter her living room could get a foreign visa.The female writer walked past Ah San as if no one else was there, and a strong smell of perfume wafted through her.And her shrill laugh.The crowd surrounded her, and even her friend followed her away, and then she saw two former actresses sitting on a row of chairs against the wall, wearing heavy makeup and fancy clothes, quietly carrying dishes eat.There are also some people wandering around eating with plates, most of them are casually dressed, with indifferent expressions, obviously they are some people from the scientific and technological circles, and they look like they have nothing to do with anything.Ah San saw Bill from a distance, talking with several American girls who looked like foreign students in the middle of the lawn under the terrace.

People gradually gathered on the lawn.As it was getting dark, the lights in the open air became brighter.Women writers were also there, forming another center.Only those few scholars, old movie stars, and Ah San were left in the hall.The waiter in white uniform got up casually, talking and laughing as he slid on the waxed floor. The side of the plate was tilted, and some deep-fried spring rolls slid down to the floor, and they were carried back to the plate.She saw Bill again.Someone came up and spoke to her, asking where she was from and what she did.Ah San recognized that this was also an official from the consulate, but not Bill.She answered the questions mechanically at first, but gradually she became interested and asked him some questions. The official answered them politely, and then suggested drinking champagne on the lawn, where the champagne counter was set up.After he put Ah San into the crowd, he took his leave and left. Ah San understood that he was taking care of him so that he would not be left out.This is the diplomat.Bill shuttled among the crowd and was also busy with these.Ah San's emotions were aroused, and she felt a little more relaxed, so she asked someone to talk to.Originally, she had a lively personality and good spoken English, but she became an active person in a short while.Even the authoress looked at her attentively.The reception was coming to an end, Bill walked past her and asked with a smile: Are you happy?Ah San replied: Very happy, Bill.Finally, she said goodbye to Bill and walked out of the consulate on the night avenue.In fact, it is still early, and the meaning is still unfinished.Ah San was walking, when suddenly she started singing.

Then Bill left. Ah San made an appointment with Bill to wait for his call at her friend's house at a certain time every week.That friend's house was just a studio, empty, without any furniture, and the phone was left on the floor.Ah San sat on the floor, holding her knees with her hands, looking at the telephone.A lot of time passed, and there was no movement on the phone.Half a day has passed since the agreed time, but there is still no movement on the phone.Ah San stared at the phone for a long time, and felt that the machine looked weird, and she didn't know what it was.Ah San suddenly felt meaningless. She didn't understand what the call had to do with Bill. Besides, it was Bill, so what's the point?Could it be said that there is really a Bill?She smiled and stood up, only to realize that her legs were so numb that she couldn't feel them.She dragged her body for a few steps, gradually getting better, and then walked out of the room, pressing the door key under the mat.

Sometimes, when she missed Bill more clearly, she would go to the place where she had been with Bill, but things became dazed again.where is billEverything was the same, except Bill.She couldn't remember Bill's face.Any foreigner walking on the road is Bill and not Bill.She looked around the room in the old apartment, there were strangers' things and traces everywhere, what did it have to do with her, she was here, not all because of Bill?She lost her student status and is here alone, isn't it all because of Bill?But what exactly is Bill?She answered herself: Bill is a bronze statue.

On this day, someone knocked on her door. It was two strangers, one younger and one older.Ah San asked suspiciously, are you looking for her?They must be looking for her.They were kind but determined, Ah San had no choice but to let them in.After they sat down, they told Ah San that they came from the national security department and asked her about Bill's situation.Ah San said that Bill was her personal friend and had no obligation to report to them.The elder said that Bill was an official of the US government and they had the right to know about his activities in China.Ah San was speechless.The older one took a breather, saying that they had no malicious intentions, and they had no intention of interfering in her private life. They just hoped that she would consider her sense of responsibility as a Chinese citizen. Her relationship with diplomat Bill was indeed attracting attention. It will also be explained, and they naturally have the right to intervene.Ah San was still speechless, so the two of them were also speechless, just waiting for Ah San to speak.After a long silence, Ah San said: There is nothing between me and him, really nothing.Tears choked her, she hoarse voice, shook her head, feeling heartache.She thought she was right, all right, and there really was nothing between her and Bill.

Soon, Ah San moved out of this old apartment and rented a new place.It is the earliest building in a newly planned area in Pudong across the river.In the whole building, only three or five families were moved in, and the rest were left empty.At night, only the few windows are lit, everything else is dark.The corridor was even more silent.From here to the Qiaohui apartment in the downtown area where she works as a tutor, it's like changing the world.But that's nothing, Bill is gone, and nothing else matters.Bill should have come, after all, but he couldn't find her.Besides, it was very likely that he hadn't been looking for her at all.She couldn't imagine Bill coming to the old apartment alone, ringing her doorbell, and then the housekeeper next door stood up from the mahjong table to open the door for him.No, Bill was never such a mundane image.Ah San decided to end this relationship, she thought she couldn't affect Bill's future as a diplomat.When I think about it this way, I feel a sense of sacrifice.However, the next thought was: What's between me and Bill?There is nothing, so there is no such thing as sacrifice. Days passed without Bill.The market for hand-painted silk scarves was gradually saturated, and the silk factory wanted to change direction. Ah San was already tired of painting, so he just stopped.At this time, friends from the painting world came to join us to hold an art exhibition.She has not drawn seriously for many days, and she has many new ideas, so she is actively involved in it.In this way, Ah San felt a little bit about reviving.When she stretched the canvas on the wooden frame, and nailed it one by one with thin nails, she unexpectedly found that all these were still so skillful, dexterous and handy.The joy of labor rose from his heart, and Bill became vain, not worth mentioning.The smearing of the brush on the canvas plunged her into the care and anxiety of specific details, and everything else was secondary.If it wasn't for the rent and life, those few tutors, Ah San, would also have to quit.Now, after finishing the course, she hurried to Pudong, remembering that there was an unfinished painting waiting for her, and she felt warm in her heart. Ah San looked at the lonely cypress tree on the hill, and said in her heart: If things stop here and don't go down, that's fine too! She remembered that during that time, friends began to come to her residence again, eating canned food and bread, drinking beer and Coca-Cola, and discussing matters about holding art exhibitions. What a free day!But now, she looked at the fence on the window, and couldn't help but sighed, the trouble was really outrageous afterwards.What does it have to do with Bill?She never saw or heard from Bill again after that.Although the people she tutored were Bill's friends, they were foreigners who never asked about other people's private affairs. If you didn't mention it, they would never mention it first.Until two years later, in the living room of the female writer, she heard that Bill had been transferred to Korea, and it was even more impossible to see Bill again.Ah San thought, when she heard the news, she simply didn't know whether she loved Bill or not. On Christmas that year, Ah San still sent a card to Bill, without signature or address.I don't know what Bill was thinking when he received this nonsensical Christmas card.This year's art exhibition was not completed in the end.The promoters withdrew first, in order to go to France.On the road, he met a French old lady who asked him for directions. She was a gallery owner. She appreciated his talent and sent him to France.In fact, it doesn't matter if only one person leaves, what matters is that when he leaves, people's hearts are scattered.The rest seemed to see good fortune beckoning to them too.Among the foreigners, old and young, walking up and down the main road, I don’t know which of them can be their parents.The art exhibition was over, and Ah San’s room was piled up with a bunch of new works, most of which were thick and colorful blocks, hiding human figures, streets and buildings, mysterious and gloomy, with the common characteristics of twentieth-century art, that is, image The abstraction and the concreteness of thought seem familiar.In these years, Ah San has seen and listened to a lot, and her thoughts have expanded, but she has not practiced for a long time, and her skills have regressed. Therefore, the vagueness of the form exaggerates the sense of abstraction, and the pertinence of the thoughts is more distinct. Everything seems extreme and sharp.Some of them are powerless, and some of them are insincere.Sometimes, when Ah San sat facing the painting for a long time, she would become puzzled and think: whose painting is this? When these paintings accumulated a thin layer of dust, a person came.Is a local art critic.The articles are not very well written, and the evaluation of the painting is often inconsistent, but because of writing a lot, it gradually becomes authoritative.Now, he is acting as an agent for a Hong Kong art dealer, which enables him to open up a way to the market while creating public opinion.He came to Ah San's residence in Pudong, saw Ah San's paintings, immediately decided to buy one, and started a discussion with Ah San.The discussion starts with the question of why I paint.Ah San said it was because of happiness, which was the same as what she said a few years ago, but her tone had to be affirmative and deliberate.Critics said: It is strange that the picture is said to be for pleasure, but the picture reveals pain.Ah San smiled and said: Don't you even understand this? Happiness and pain are essentially the same thing, they are both emotions on the verge of extinction.The critic asked the reason, and Ah San laughed again: Do you need a reason?When things happen, they exist, and existence is reasonable.The critics asked her again: why did it happen this way instead of that way, and what is the difference between this way and that way?Ah San said that maybe there is a difference, maybe there is no difference.So they talked about whether there is a specific connection between things.Critics think that there is no appearance, but there is in essence.Ah San's point of view is the opposite, there is on the surface, but not in essence.The critic went back and said: Since it is such an isolated form, how can happiness and pain be the same thing?This stunned Ah San. They talked about one sentence here and another sentence here, and they didn't seem to be talking about each other, but they were all full of interest and felt inspired by each other.Critics recalled Ah San's timid appearance when she first emerged, thinking that she has matured so fast that she can discuss theoretical issues together. Where did she get nourishment?As San talked with the critics, his thoughts gradually became clearer, and the original daze about his new work subsided, and he felt that it was exactly what he wanted to say, and everything came naturally.