Chapter 11 Chapter 11 I want a divorce, I want to divorce Zhao Wengong
When the Red May of 1957 was about to pass, a hurricane swept across the land of China.
It has only been a few days since Da Ming Da Fang started, and the medical school is already in full swing.Wu Limin ran to the Southern District to find Fang Zijin, and dragged her to read the big-character posters.Fang Zijin didn't like to join in the fun, so she told her, it's not easy to read big-character posters?We have a lot in the south.She was telling the truth. After Li Shufen left the Youth League Committee, the blackboard newspapers were not so frequent.At this moment, all the blackboards are covered in black and white.Not to mention the Southern District, the entire campus, Ningchang City, and even the whole country is a world of black and white, a sea of big-character posters.Seeing that Fang Zijin wasn't enthusiastic enough, Wu Limin said, Zijin, you can't do this.Speak up and air freely is a nationwide political movement, and Chairman Mao even called for helping our party to rectify the movement.This is a major event in the political life of the people of the whole country. You can't always keep yourself out of politics.Fang Zijin put his hands on his abdomen, touched his round and pointed belly, and said, look at me, I have a big belly, like a big stupid pig, it's so ugly.Wu Limin said, what are you afraid of with a big belly?I am like you.Although the stomach is not up yet.Fang Zijin looked at her in surprise, speechless for a long time.
Wu Limin dragged her out regardless of whether she was enthusiastic or not.Although there are big-character posters posted on the blackboards in the teaching staff dormitory and the student dormitory area, the flow of people in these places is limited after all, and the place where the big-character posters are most concentrated is the 150-meter-long propaganda road behind the school gate. gallery.The blackboards on both sides of the corridor were all pasted with large white paper, with dense black characters written on the paper, and some big-character posters were as long as more than ten pages.
Behind the bulletin board, there are two rows of tall camphor trees. After entering the summer, there are many cicadas and sparrows resting on the trees every day, and they start screaming at dawn.Although the two corridors are long enough, they cannot fully accommodate all the big-character posters. These big trees have become substitutes. The thick trunks are covered with big-character posters. From a distance, the big trees seem to be covered with white backgrounds. Black floral dress.Fang Zijin and Wu Limin stood there reading the big-character posters. Like them, many teachers in the school watched with interest and discussed while watching, like cicadas on a tree, making a lot of noise.
Wu Limin said, let's write one too.Fang Zijin looked at her, not quite understanding what she wanted to say.Wu Limin said that in the commune of Yu Aijun's sister-in-law's family, the commune cadres ordered blindly, which resulted in a poor harvest last year.The farmers had no food to eat, and the cadres divided the seeds into rations. This year, there were no seeds to plant in the field, and only half of them were planted.Wu Limin said excitedly, we will write this, and two people will sign it.Fang Zijin was reading Yu Shanyao's poster and ignored her.
Yu Shanyao's big-character poster was very long, with many things listed.For example, Hu Zhiyan's problem, she said, Hu Zhiyan's problem has already been figured out, because there is a veterans' gang in the college. Responsible.She also spoke about rampant human rights abuses in schools.For this question, if she gives her own example, it will be the most convincing.But the examples she gave can be seen everywhere in school, and she didn't talk about herself.They suspected a female student of stealing something, took the female student to the Human Security Section, stripped her naked and searched her.She even used the excuse that the female student hid things in her body, and forced to look at them.Female student committed suicide after being humiliated.Another similar incident was even more outrageous. Fifteen female students were gathered together and stripped and searched.The third big problem is that laymen lead experts. Most of the leaders in the school are laymen. Many people do not even have the minimum medical knowledge, but they serve as important leaders of the medical school, and they even point fingers and make many jokes.During a military training, a female student suffered from excessive blood volume during her menstrual period.The leader said in front of all the boys and girls: Your sister, is it a bird to bleed?When I beat the devil, my intestines were blown out by the little devil's bomb.Your sister, the one who bleeds.The teacher gives lessons to the students and talks about midwifery.A certain leader said, isn't it just giving birth to a calf?It's easier for my cow to give birth to a calf than to shit.
Seeing these, Fang Zijin really felt relieved.At the same time, she secretly sweated for her unlucky teacher.Her big-character poster was suspected of criticizing the Communist Party.The cadres of the Communist Party are all loyal believers like Zhou Xinruo and Lu Qiusheng. They cannot tolerate others' accusations of communism and the Communist Party.However, well-educated and well-qualified leading cadres like Zhou Xinruo and Lu Qiusheng are attacked and excluded everywhere. If they really want to engage in political struggles, these people with higher education are not the opponents of those muddy feet. Knock off the horse.
Wu Limin was still talking about writing big-character posters together. Seeing that Fang Zijin didn't respond for a long time, she gently pushed her.Fang Zijin said afterwards that it was entirely her daughter who saved her.When Wu Limin pushed her, Fang Mengbai kicked her hard a few times, and she cried out in pain.Wu Limin has already given birth to two children, and she has just conceived her third child. She has experience.Seeing Fang Zijin's complexion changed, he said that he was afraid that he was about to give birth.Let's go to the hospital quickly.Fang Zijin said, this child is probably coming early.
Cicada shouted very happily that day, and the weather was very hot.The hottest thing is Mingfang.Wu Limin and Fang Zijin walked towards the hospital carefully and quickly. At intervals, they could see a large circle of people, some male and female students or teachers, giving impassioned speeches there. Later, they watched "Lenin in 1918" , Lenin spoke like that.Some male students simply took off their shirts and wrapped them around their heads, which can block the sun and look different.In the whole campus, there is nothing else except Ming Fang.All the teachers and students came out of the dormitory, from the classroom and from the study.Wu Limin said to Fang Zijin that another revolution has come, which is really exciting.When a child is born, whether it is male or female, it is called Ming Fang.This name is good, better than Xuedong Xuezhong in our family.
A few years ago, the affiliated hospital moved here from Shanghai. When you came out from the side door of the medical school, you passed the door of Wu Limin's house and turned right to the hospital gate.I rushed to the obstetrics and gynecology department of the affiliated hospital, but couldn't find a doctor.The doctor ran to release the sound, and only a few nurses were on duty.The professors and lecturers of the medical school are all part-time clinics here, and they are also employees of the hospital. Fang Zijin's lectures in the medical school are gynecology.Knowing that she was about to give birth, a nurse said anxiously, "Sister Fang, the doctor is not here, please stand up and I will find it for you."As he turned around and wanted to run away, Fang Zijin stopped her and said to her and another nurse, "There's no need to look for it. You're all familiar with the delivery procedure. Just make preparations, and I'll just guide you."
Two nurses and Wu Limin escorted Fang Zijin into the delivery room.Wu Limin is also a doctor, but not a gynecologist.But today was so special, she couldn't rest assured, grabbed a white coat, and followed two nurses to prepare for the delivery.Fang Zijin lay on the delivery bed by herself, put her feet in the squat, and Wu Limin helped her take off her pants.A nurse put gloves on her hands, took a moment to look between her legs, and said, Sister Fang, three fingers have been opened.Wu Limin said in surprise, three fingers so soon?I gave birth to two babies, and it took a long time from the red to the three fingers.Fang Zijin didn't have time to deal with her problems. She endured the labor pain, stretched out her hands, and stroked her lower abdomen. She needed to know if the fetal position was completely correct.
Two nurses were still preparing tools such as forceps and scissors. Wu Limin called out, nurse, nurse, come here, the baby's head has come out.When the nurse heard about it, she hurried over and reached out to support the child's head.
In case of natural delivery, the doctor usually holds the child's head with both hands, and then the nurse gently squeezes the pregnant woman's abdomen, and the doctor instructs the mother to exert force.This time is different, the mother directs two nurses to deliver her baby.Fang Zijin was already an experienced gynecologist. Lying on the delivery bed, she touched her abdomen with her hand, and she already knew it.Because it was born prematurely at seven months, the baby's size will not be too large, and the fetal position is very positive. In addition, she has been maintaining proper exercise, and the delivery should be smooth.When Wu Limin said that the child's head had come out, she became even more convinced of this.
Two nurses operated under her command. She endured the pain, lowered her energy to her dantian, and concentrated all her strength downwards.She suddenly felt a large lump of something slipping down from her stomach and slipping out of her body.At that moment, she felt extremely relaxed, as if a person who had been burdened for a long time had unloaded a heavy burden.
Wu Limin was more excited than Fang Zijin.The nurse just said, Sister Fang, congratulations, what a beautiful girl.Wu Limin called, Zijin, why is it so easy for you to have a baby?Easier than taking a shit.The little girl covered in blood ignored Wu Limin's fuss and her mother's expectant gaze.She seemed to have felt the sunshine outside the window.The sun was so bright that it was too bright, like it was on fire, as hot as boiling water.She became impatient and cried loudly: hot, hot, hot.The nurse washed the blood off her body, weighed it on the scale, and said, four catties and six taels.Wu Limin said to Fang Zijin that if she gave birth to a son, she would become her brother, and if she gave birth to a daughter, she would be her daughter-in-law.Seeing this beautiful girl now, she was even more excited than Fang Zijin. She asked the little guy to call her Second Mom, and then said that she might as well call her Mom.She said over and over again, Ming Fang, call Er Mama.Xuedong and Xuezhong must be overjoyed to have you as a little sister.
The nurse said, Sister Fang, if her father knew that such a beautiful daughter was born, he didn't know how happy he would be.
Wu Limin woke up suddenly and said, look at me, I am so happy.You must be starving. I'll cook eggs for you. By the way, let Aijun call Wen Gong and tell him the good news.
After leaving the hospital, Wu Limin didn't stop for a moment, ran back to her home and took all the egg tickets.She went to the market to buy eggs, and Yu Aijun went to call Zhao Wengong.
Yu Aijun thought that Zhao Wengong was still in the wild, so he called the Geological Bureau, hoping they would find a way to notify him.Unexpectedly, the master in the reception room said, Mr. Zhao is playing in the bureau, wait a moment, I will call him.The old master walked up to a group of people and asked one of them, did you see Zhao Wengong and Zhao Gong?The man pointed to the young man who was speaking and said, isn't that?The master took a closer look, and it turned out that Zhao Gong had cut his hair and shaved his beard, and he looked more energetic and younger, so he couldn't recognize him.He squeezed over and said Mr. Zhao, Mr. Zhao, what a happy event.Zhao Wengong said, don't interrupt me, didn't you see me blowing the air?The old master said, you should stop singing, your wife has already done it for you.The people below burst into laughter.Zhao Wengong thought he was humiliating himself, and gave him a sharp look.The master said, what are you staring at me for?Your wife gave birth, so you should go to the hospital quickly.Zhao Wengong said angrily, "When you give birth, you will give birth. It's a big deal for a woman to have a baby."Sounding is a major political event.You said to her, I will go back when I have time.
On the third day, the "People's Daily" published an editorial, the political wind suddenly changed, and the anti-rightist struggle officially began.
Fang Zijin was lying on the hospital bed, looking out the window at the leaves that were motionless in the sun.The leaves stretched into small hands one after another, not knowing what to ask for from this world.The nurse arranged for her a bed next to the window with good sunlight. It was intended to take care of her. Unexpectedly, this bed was too close to the window, which brought in the world outside the window.Just under her window, surrounded by a group of people, most of them in white coats.They gathered around and listened to a man speaking there full of foul language.The central meaning of his speech is to resolutely counter the rampant attacks of the bourgeois right and defend the wise leadership of the Chinese Communist Party to the death.Echoing his speech at a distance, there were broadcast speakers outside the window one after another, broadcasting People's Daily editorials over and over again.
The world is bright and bright outside, but Fang Zijin feels that there are dark clouds.The first thing she thought of was Teacher Yu Shanyao, what would she look like in this storm?She also secretly rejoiced that if it hadn't been for a sudden attack, she might not have really written a big-character poster jointly with Wu Limin.Wu Limin is a party member and a leader, she may be able to escape, what about herself?
While she was lying on the bed and thinking wildly, Wu Limin came.Wu Limin looked a little flustered, sat by her bed, and whispered to her, "Yu was criticized."
This seems to be expected.Fang Zijin just glanced at her without saying a word.
She moved her body forward, getting as close to Fang Zijin as possible, and said, "Those people are so shameless, they took off her shirt too."
Fang Zijin was startled suddenly, and immediately thought of his dead mother.
Wu Limin further said, those people questioned Yu Shanyao, saying that you want bourgeois humanity?We want to use the humanity of the proletariat to completely smash your bourgeois humanity.He also said to see what bourgeois human nature is.Those people escorted her onto the stage, and after taking off her shirt, they saw that she was still wearing a red sleeve on her chest, which fit over her breasts.At that time, it was not common for women to wear bras. Firstly, there seemed to be no such habit. Second, everyone’s income was extremely limited, and bras seemed to be a luxury.Most people didn't know what it was at all, thinking that she did it on purpose to make her breasts look bigger and to seduce and corrupt revolutionary cadres.Thus, a revolutionary critique around breasts began.
Fang Zijin was terrified when he heard this, the hairs on his body stood up one by one, and his whole body was cold.She thought of the nightmare that had haunted her for a long time. Could it be that such a dream would follow her for the rest of her life?
That night, when the nurse was holding her daughter and letting Fang Zijin breastfeed, Liu Yundi appeared at the door of the ward and peeked in.After seeing Fang Zijin, she walked in quietly.Fang Zijin saw her and was about to say hello, but she waved her hand ahead of her, motioning to keep quiet.She walked up to Fang Zijin and whispered to her, come out, there is someone at the hospital gate who wants to see you.Don't let others know.Fang Zijin froze for a moment, and wanted to ask her what was going on.She has turned away.
After breastfeeding, hand the baby to the nurse and carry it into the baby room, then walk out of the ward and come to the gate of the hospital.Liu Yundi waited there, saw her coming, ignored her, turned and walked forward.Fang Zijin felt that today's event was very special. Thinking of the ongoing anti-rightist movement, an ominous feeling rose in his heart.Liu Yundi kept a distance of about ten meters from her, because Liu Yundi didn't stop, Fang Zijin didn't know where she was taking her, so he had to follow her all the time.Someone called her as she passed a big maple tree.She walked behind the maple tree and saw Secretary Liu standing in the shade.
"Secretary Liu." She called out.
Secretary Liu waved his hand and said, don't talk, listen to me.I just received a notification from the Geological Bureau that your lover Zhao Wengong has been locked up and may be classified as extreme right.They are going to raid your house tomorrow, so think about it, is there anything taboo in your house?
Fang Zijin said, I don't have anything from him at home except the marriage certificate.His name is not even on the account book.
Secretary Liu said, what about your own?What's the taboo?
She thought about it seriously, what is taboo?The correspondence between her and Bai Changshan may be taboo.But those letters locked themselves in the office.In the past, she would keep one or two letters at home. Since she had a fight with Zhao Wengong last time, she has become extremely cautious.What do you have at home?So a poor family, apart from medical books, what taboos can there be?By the way, she made some preparations for the birth of the child.She had long hoped to give birth to a daughter, so she made a lot of clothes for girls.On all the clothes and quilts, she embroidered the child's future name: Mengbai.Is this taboo?Probably not.If someone asked her, she would say, "Dream Bethune, won't it work?"
Just copied my home?Did you copy it elsewhere?she asked.
Secretary Liu said that it was mainly people from the Geological Bureau. We cooperated and only ransacked the house.If there is anything that is taboo, you can tell me, and when I go, I will find a chance to bring it out for you.
Fang Zijin was flustered and trembling.She was really worried that there would be something taboo in the family, and it would eventually be found out by the way, which would affect herself.What is certain is that there is nothing Zhao Wengong has at home, not even a pair of gloves or socks, not even toothpaste and toothbrush.The crux of the problem is that she doesn't have a clear idea of the so-called taboo, whether it is a piece of paper or something that she can't think of, she has no idea at all.Think about it, being a human being is really boring, and I worry about it all day long.I just brought my daughter into this world, is it right or wrong?If life goes on like this, wouldn't he harm her by bringing her into the world?
Back in the ward, Fang Zijin's heart was still empty.Was Zhao Wengong classified as a rightist?Lu Qiusheng had reminded her a long time ago, and hoped that she would persuade Zhao Wengong not to be too presumptuous, and not to always point the finger at the Communist Party leadership.She never thought of telling him, knowing that he would not listen to her, and because of the deformed relationship between them, she was not interested in talking to him at all.Now this kind of result can be regarded as expected by Lu Qiusheng.Zhao Wengong is classified as a rightist, what kind of impact will it have on the future of himself and his children?No, what he brought to her was too bad a memory, and he couldn't be allowed to have an adverse effect on the child anymore.In her heart, the idea of divorce has popped up countless times. Now, the desire for divorce has arisen strongly in her heart, like a young leaf in early spring, breaking through the old bark, sticking out its head stubbornly .She shouted loudly in her heart, no, I can't go on like this, I want a divorce.
The next day, Wu Limin brought food to Fang Zijin.When Wu Limin was still serving dinner, Fang Zijin couldn't wait to tell her, Limin, I want a divorce.
Wu Limin was taken aback, stopped what she was doing, stared at her for several seconds, and said, "You don't have a fever, do you?"
"I'm very sober." She said, "I want a divorce, and I want to divorce Zhao Wengong."
"Are you kidding me? I'm living a good life. I have a daughter. Why are you getting divorced?" Wu Limin said, "Don't you know how difficult it is to get divorced? Zhu Yuling from our college, you know? She is a typical feudal arranged marriage. , The two of them have no relationship foundation at all. That man beat his wife often, she couldn't stand it, and wanted a divorce. The result? It's been three years. You will be scared to death when you see her now. That's still her Is that still a person? It’s so thin that only a piece of skin remains.”
Fang Zijin said firmly: "Even if there is only one piece of skin left, I will leave." She took out a piece of paper from under the pillow and handed it to Wu Limin, saying that it was the divorce application report written last night, and hoped that Wu Limin would take it today. Give it to the academy.
Wu Limin's eyes widened and she said, are you serious?I thought you were joking.Fang Zijin smiled bitterly and said, do you think I look like a joker?Wu Limin said, why?What's the news over there?Fang Zijin shook his head and said it had nothing to do with him.Wu Limin was in a hurry, and asked which song you sang, which confused me.Lao Zhao is quite a nice person.Fang Zijin said, you send this to me, and I will tell you slowly later.
A week later, Wu Limin and his wife came to pick Fang Zijin out of the hospital.Yu Aijun held Fang Zijin's child in his arms, loved her so much that he stabbed her with his short beard, and asked Fang Zijin, was it really Ming Fang?Wu Limin immediately said, bah bah bah, you have such a stinking mouth, why don't you let it go?Don't you look at the political wind?Fang Zijin looked at the anti-rightist slogans plastered all over the place, and he was really startled.This was originally a joke, so it shouldn't cause trouble for myself.I don't know if it's not a good start. Along the way, although everyone is still talking, they seem to be lacking in emotion and interest, and they are saying something here and there.Throughout the academy, the walls were first painted with white lime, and then red letters were written on the white lime, and red, green, and green slogans were pasted on the tree trunks.
Wu Limin said that this is not bad.Someone put a slogan on Yu Shanyao's door.Yu Shanyao, who returned home after being criticized, did not dare to tear up those slogans, and could not enter the door, so she slept at the door.At night, her delicate skin and tender flesh became a delicious meal for mosquitoes, and the next day her face was all red.I heard that there was another person who was being criticized. People stuck slogans on him, but he didn't dare to take off his clothes for fear of damaging the slogan.As a result, feces and urine were pulled in the pants, which stinks to the heavens.
These jokes were not funny at all. Wu Limin laughed for a long time, but seeing Fang Zijin's sharp lips tightly pursed, she stopped laughing.When I got home, the inside was neat and clean, and outsiders could not see signs of being copied.The little girl cried loudly.Wu Limin took her from her husband's hand, patted the child gently with her hand, and called out "good girl, good girl".The little girl cried more and more fiercely, and suffocated a bubble of hot urine, which she sprinkled on Wu Limin's body.Not only was Wu Limin not annoyed, but she laughed excitedly.
Fang Zijin was already lying down on the bed, and said to Wu Limin, "Maybe I'm hungry, give it to me."
Wu Limin said, no, she is also my daughter, and she also wants to eat my milk.As she spoke, she sat down on the stool, unbuttoned her skirt, took out the milk and stuffed it into the baby's mouth.She just took a sip. She didn't know whether she felt that the proportion of the breasts was wrong or the taste of the milk was wrong. She immediately spat it out and continued to cry loudly.It's no wonder that Yu Aijun has five brothers and sisters, and the other four are all in the countryside. Besides his parents, there is also a grandfather in his seventies.Wu Limin's younger brothers and sisters are still young. The family of ten lives, and only their father earns money.Many people need them to help, so how can a little salary be enough?I had no choice but to exchange the supplied fine grains for other people's miscellaneous grains in the market. Naturally, the quality of the milk was not as good as Fang Zijin's.
"This child, you still recognize milk." Wu Limin said, stuffing her into Fang Zijin's arms, and said: "Okay, okay, your mother's breasts are big, golden milk, let you eat to your fullest. "
The little guy approached his mother's arms, and immediately smelled the distinctive fragrance of his mother's body. Weeping aggrievedly, he thrust his small mouth into his mother's arms.Fang Zijin looked at his daughter, and didn't immediately unbutton his front, but looked at Yu Aijun.Wu Limin turned to look at her husband, and saw him standing there with his eyes fixed on Fang Zijin's chest.Wu Limin said: "Why are you still standing here? You want to eat too?" Yu Aijun blushed in embarrassment and retreated outside.Seeing Yu Aijun leaving the door, Fang Zijin took out his tits.The little guy couldn't wait to hold it in his mouth, sucking desperately.
"Slow down, no one will fight with you. You want to suck my blood out." Mother said.
Seeing her eating happily, Wu Limin said to the side: "Isn't it all milk? Your mother's milk is more fragrant, and mine is more smelly?"
On the last day of her one-month maternity leave, Secretary Liu visited her house for the second time.Fang Zijin welcomed him into the house, and warmly moved a chair for him to sit on.He waved his hand and said he didn't want to sit down, and I left after a few words.Fang Zijin said, why are you in such a hurry?Why don't you come and sit down.Secretary Liu did not sit down and kept a distance of at least two meters from her.He said he was commissioned by the organization to notify her.The party committee of the college received a notification from the Geological Bureau that Zhao Wengong was classified as an extreme rightist in the first batch, and he has been detained and will be sent to a labor camp soon.As for her divorce application, the organization has studied it, and in view of the fact that the conflict between her and Zhao Wengong has risen to the level of the enemy and the enemy, they agreed to dissolve their marriage.
Agree to dissolve the marriage?Is this a divorce? "Don't you need to go through any formalities?" she asked.
Secretary Liu said: "No, he has been notified by the relevant parties. That's all." He finished his official business here, turned around and walked out without even saying goodbye.Fang Zijin still had a lot to ask him, so he called out.And he also stopped at the same time, as if remembering something, he turned around and said to her: "What's the matter with you?"
Fang Zijin said, "You seem to have something to say, so go ahead."
Secretary Liu said: "Because of the anti-rightist movement, this year's summer vacation has been canceled. The department is anti-rightist. I don't think you need to go. Take care of your children at home."
Fang Zijin didn't fully understand what Secretary Liu meant, and looked at his face, trying to read more from his face.His face was very calm, full of wrinkles, which reminded her of the mountain ridges she had seen when she went to the countryside to make medical rounds.Those mountain beams are too thick, and she will never be able to figure out what is hidden among the overlapping mountains, so there is also a kind of fear.Now is the cusp of the movement, he told himself not to participate, what is his intention?Good or bad?After going through what happened to Hu Zhiyan, she felt that men are really scary. You will never know what is going on in their minds.Thinking about it again, the last time the Geological Bureau was going to raid the house, he and his daughter ran to the hospital to inform him that it would be a huge political risk.So, he is kind, but what is behind this kindness?Will there be a deeper purpose?She felt more and more at a loss, not understanding why there was such deep suspicion and distrust between people.
Secretary Liu said, "Didn't you have something to do just now?"
She hesitated for a moment and said, "I want to ask, what did they copy that day?"
"Oh, you're worried about that," he said. "Don't worry, they haven't taken a single piece of paper. However, I heard they found his diary in his dormitory, and there were quite a few Anti-Party speech."
After Secretary Liu left, Fang Zijin immediately entered the bedroom.The furniture in the bedroom is very simple, except for the bed, there is a cabinet and a three-drawer table.She sat in front of the three-drawer table, opened the drawer, took out the manuscript paper from the medical school, spread it in front of her, and reached into the pen wash in front of the table to draw a pen.Her hand was only halfway out, then stopped, neither stretched forward nor stopped.There were several pens inserted into the pottery brush washer, among them was the Parker pen that Lu Qiusheng gave her.But now, that pen is gone.This month, she has been around Mengbai all the time, and has never written at all, so she doesn't know when the pen disappeared.Thinking about it carefully, it seems impossible that there is no one else except those who ransacked the house.
The good mood just now was completely ruined by this incident.Sitting at the table in a daze, she suddenly felt guilty towards Lu Qiusheng.He was infatuated with himself, and he loved him so hard for so many years, but he didn't get any return.Now, he is divorced and has become a free body.If you write a letter to him, he will definitely rush to propose to you.However, the first thing she thought of was not him, but to tell Bai Changshan the news.She lost the only thought between them, so she felt a sense of blasphemy towards him.
After a long time, she came back to her senses, picked up a pen, and began to write a letter to Bai Changshan.She herself didn't understand why she wrote this letter to him, but she just wanted to write it, and wanted to tell him the news of her divorce as soon as possible.She hardly thought about it, and wrote on the paper in front of her:
elder brother:
The last few letters have been received.I haven't replied to you for more than a month because too many things have happened.
The first thing I want to tell you is that I gave birth to a daughter, and I named her Mengbai.
Before, I never talked to you about my marriage because I didn't know how to tell you.Today is a special day, so I decided to talk to you about it.
When I agreed to marry him, I was at a loss as to whether this decision was right or not.I regretted it even at that moment.However, I am too proud, too stubborn, and too sad.Probably subconsciously knew that this was a wrong decision, I only gave him ten days, I thought, he might not be able to finish everything within ten days.But I was wrong again, getting married is too simple, you only need to pull a piece of paper, it doesn't take ten days at all.
It is said in ancient poems that sweet rains come after a long drought, old acquaintances meet in a foreign country, wedding night in the bridal chamber, and the time of being named on the gold list are the four great joys in life.As a woman, I have dreamed of wedding nights in the bridal chamber many times. I have dreamed of romantic love and a happy marriage.However, when I experienced that moment, all my dreams were shattered.Therefore, I know that what I have entered is not the bridal chamber of my dreams or the happy home, but the eternal prison and the endless hard labor.Many nights, I thought of you with tears, how I wish the man sleeping next to me was you.Brother, can you understand everything in my heart?Can you understand that wet and dry and wet pillow towel?Can you understand the pain of longing for the night to pass away and the sun to rise sooner?
I couldn't bear it any longer, and made up my mind time and time again that I would divorce him no matter what.
However, there are living examples around me. Two divorced couples were tormented by the divorce war so that they looked like people and ghosts. I was afraid.
Just then, something unexpected happened.In this anti-rightist movement, he was classified as a rightist.I think, before, no matter how much suffering or pain, I was enduring it for myself.I admit that I endured it, and now, I can't bear it anymore, because this matter is no longer just about myself, but more importantly, it is about my daughter, Xiao Mengbai.Thankfully, today, my superior came to inform me that my divorce request was granted.
It was like letting go of a burden that I had carried for a long time, and I suddenly felt very relaxed.I don't know why, but I just want to tell you this feeling.Maybe my writing skills are too poor for me to fully express how I feel at this moment.I just want to say that I am released from prison after serving my sentence, and I am free.I suddenly felt that the sky was much bluer, the ground was wider, and everything became beautiful.
Next, she talked about the anti-rightist movement.She said that she has always been very worried about him, because his personality is too upright and unrestrained, and he is usually not very good at making relationships.She was really, really worried that this sport would affect him. Many nights, she silently prayed to Guanyin Bodhisattva facing the northern sky, hoping that no bad luck would come to him.She didn't say that she was praying not only for Bai Changshan, but also for Lu Qiusheng.
After writing the letter, she took the baby to the post office.When he came back, he saw Peng Lingye waiting at the door.
Their current class of students has already graduated, and they were supposed to return to their original units to work.However, the anti-rightist movement disrupted all plans, and they stayed.Fang Zijin opened the door, ignored Peng Lingye, and put Meng Bai who was already asleep on the bed first.Peng Lingye followed her in and stood behind her, but she didn't even know it.After settling down, the daughter stood up, and just turned around, when she suddenly saw a person standing behind her, she was shocked.She said, ouch, you scared the hell out of me.
"I heard you divorced him," he said.
Her heart beat violently.I thought to myself, so there was a landmine buried here, but I forgot about it. "Your news is so fast, I just found out."
Peng Lingye said that now the whole school knows about it.She didn't say anything.This matter was conveyed through the organization, from the college to the department, and then from the department to herself.It is conceivable that the news spread through the hands of an unknown number of people.It doesn't matter if it spreads, especially at the climax of the anti-rightist campaign, it can give people the impression that she has the determination to break with the rightists.This is exactly the case. Later, someone in the department pointed out that although Fang Zijin had never made any rightist remarks on the surface, she was against the leadership of the Communist Party in her heart. She was bitter about the great land reform movement that killed her parents.Secretary Liu said, you said that people are worried about the land reform movement, do you have evidence?The man couldn't produce evidence.Secretary Liu said, on the contrary, I can produce evidence.When she heard that her husband was classified as a rightist, she immediately proposed to draw a line with her rightist husband.Anyone who has ever been a parent knows how much they need a man by their side after having just given birth.However, in order to show her position, she did not hesitate.How can such a comrade be a rightist?
She walked past him and wanted to go into the drawing room.He suddenly grabbed her hand and said to her, marry me, okay?Her heart beat wildly, and she pulled her hand out very resolutely.She said, what are you kidding?I am your teacher, older than you, and have children.She tried her best to calm herself down, but she couldn't, her voice trembled a little.He said, I'm serious.From the first time I met you, I fell in love with you.You know my feelings, you know it.She said, no, I don't know.His tone was very sure, saying, you know.I thought I would leave here with regrets that I may never have the chance to express to you.Unexpectedly, God took pity on me, was moved by my prayer, and gave me such an opportunity.I want you to know that I love you.love you forever.
"You go, I don't want to see you again, never." She said cruelly.
"I want you to seriously consider it."
"No." She shook her head resolutely, "Don't think about it, I won't think about it."
“你一定要考虑。”他说，“今天晚上，我们还要开会，我得走了。老师，请你一定要好好考虑。”
他离开了。她已经用尽了全身所有的力气。她在他离开后，扶着床坐下来。她的脑子里一片空白，她不会想了。
吴丽敏当起了逍遥派，喻爱军也随后当起了逍遥派。
运动开始时，喻爱军非常积极，很快发现，有些领导借运动之机，拉帮结派，被整下去的，都是那些业务能力强正直敢言不阿谀奉承的人。他心里不满，向领导提意见。领导说，你这是典型的右派言论，如果你不是党员干部，不是朝鲜战场上下来的英雄，我当你是右派了。回到家里，他把这些事告诉了吴丽敏。吴丽敏说，别说是你，我都差点当了右派。像余珊瑶那张大字报上说的，哪一件事不是真的？哪一件又说得不在理？结果，她被人家押到台上，上衣剥光了，只差没有脱下裤子来。亏她还能忍得住，如果换了我，我肯定一根绳子上吊了。这个运动我是不敢参加了，还是当逍遥派好，免得也像她那样，被剥光了让大家看。我可没她好看，生了两个孩子，奶子上小肚子上都是花，难看死了。她这样一说，两口子就都当起了逍遥派。
逍遥有时候不一定是什么好事，无所事事，人会闲得无聊。无聊中的吴丽敏跑来找方子衿，逗着小梦白玩。方子衿说，丽敏，你打听了保姆的事没有？吴丽敏说在打听呀。方子衿心里很急，虽然刘书记叫她不必去系里，可这么呆在家里，担心会授人以柄。她想去医院上班，孩子又没法安置。吴丽敏拍着胸脯说，你去吧，把孩子交给我。我们一大家子人呆在家里，正闲得无聊呢。至于保姆，慢慢找好了。
医院也在反右，医生们不是积极投身其中，就是诚惶诚恐，担心自己遭祸，谁还有心思看病？整个妇科，只有方子衿和另外一个逍遥派医生和两个逍遥派护士。并不因为伟大的反右运动，女人就少生病，也并不因为伟大的反右运动，女人就不生孩子。医生都运动去了，诊室门口排起了长龙。到了下班时间，方子衿站起来准备离去。排队的病人见她要走，围着她吵，拦住她不让离开。
方子衿急了，对她们解释，说自己整个下午没有上厕所了，再呆在这里，膀胱都要爆炸了。那些人同意她去上厕所，但上完厕所必须回来。有人不相信她会回来，大声叫着说要派人跟她一起去。她知道这样是走不脱的，又对她们解释，自己还急着回去给孩子喂奶，孩子才一个月大。她说，你们都是当母亲的人，应该知道胀奶是怎么回事，我是妇科医生，我更清楚，奶集中在乳房里，不仅仅是让乳房胀得痛，时间长了，会造成严重后果，得乳腺炎甚至乳房化脓。听了她的话，有些人开始准备离开，可有人对方子衿的话表示怀疑，问她怎样证明。她怎样证明？虽然大家都是女人，她也不可能敞开怀让人家看她的奶子。她转身进入诊室，拉开诊室后侧的屏风，将医用垃圾桶拿过来，摆在众人面前。她踩了一下踏板，垃圾桶上面的盖子弹开了，桶里溅满了白色的液体。她说，你们看到了吧？这是母亲的爱母亲的血，不是万不得已，天下哪个做母亲的，愿意把这挤出来扔掉？
那些人不再说了，又不愿走，睁着一双双愤怒而且无奈的眼睛看着她。那眼神像刀子一样剐人，方子衿狠了狠心，像做贼一般低着头，从目光的刀锋间逃开去。狂奔进厕所，扯下裤子，又急急扯开衣襟，抓住左边的乳房，双手的拇指和十指张开，围着根部，用力向前挤。奶汁向前冲向木门板上，绽开一朵洁白的花。这朵花虽然洁白美丽，却也令她的心像被猛揪了一下似的疼。日子过得不顺，物资供应紧张，什么都得凭票，能有点奶汁多不容易呀，就这么给挤掉了，比挤掉自己的血还令她痛心。
冲出医院，迅速往校外吴丽敏家赶。在吴丽敏家，她等不及回家，抱着女儿进入吴丽敏的卧室，掏出奶头往女儿嘴里塞。吴丽敏和她的婆婆进进出出的，她是顾不得了。偶尔，喻爱军也会一头撞进来。对此，吴丽敏是完全无所谓，方子衿羞得脸发烧，却无处可避。喂过奶，抱着女儿向外走。吴丽敏一家人留她吃晚饭，她说什么都不肯。他们两口子，喻爱军是高工资，有六十多块钱，吴丽敏和方子衿一样，才二十四元，不到九十元要维持一家五口的生活，还有十几口等着他们接济，日子的艰难可想而知。
回到家时，女儿早已经睡着了。她将孩子安顿在床上，然后开始做饭。一个人的饭不好做，一把米的饭她吃不完，而这些米，连塞锅底都不够。吃面食又太贵，只好弄点菜加点米，放在锅里一起煮。刚刚煮好，正准备吃，彭陵野来了。方子衿有意冷处理，只顾着自己吃饭，甚至没有理她。彭陵野自己搬把小椅子坐下来，顺手拿过一件梦白的小衣服在手中把玩着，看到上面绣的字，问她：“你给她取名叫梦白？”她简单地回答了一个是。他又问这个名字是不是有什么特殊含义，她说没有，只是她喜欢纯洁喜欢白色，希望她长大了接过母亲的班，像白求恩一样，当个白衣天使。
东扯西拉了几句，方子衿问：“你们么时候离校？”
彭陵野说，看情形，反右运动还要持续一段时间。目前还只是第一批，主要是划为极右的，接下来还有第二批第三批。方子衿哦了一声，暗想，看来这场运动，不是短时间能够完成的了。彭陵野见她不说话，就无话找话，对她说，余珊瑶被划为极右了。方子衿说了声知道。这件事在南区可以说无人不知无人不晓。那些人到余珊瑶家抄了好几次家，许多人去围着看呢，从她家抄了不少印着英文的乳罩以及三角内裤。那些人哪里见过这些？全都当成了余珊瑶是极右的证据。此外，还抄出许多爱情小说，英文版的中文版的都有，最特别的是抄出了一大堆周昕若写给她的信，她用一个花梨木的小匣子装着，匣子用红绸带束着。据说，这些信包括了周昕若调离后写来的，说明他们还一直在秘密来往。
彭陵野见她只吭了一声，又不说话，再一次主动开口，东一句西一句地扯着闲话，把自己的见闻讲给她听。方子衿觉得这样下去不是办法，无论如何，得断了他的念头。她鼓起勇气对他说，陵野，你心里想的，我明白。但是，也请你替我想想。现在是么时期？你天天往我这里跑，人家如果说我勾引自己的学生，我就只有死路一条了。你大概不希望我成为第二个余珊瑶吧。
彭陵野说：“我不管别人怎么说，我只知道一件事，我爱你。”
“你可以不管，你只有一个人。”方子衿说：“我还有女儿，我不能毁了自己也毁了她。”
彭陵野仍然不肯离开。方子衿不忍心说太重的话伤害他，似乎不说重话，又没法令他离开。正不知所措时，听到外面有一个人在打听：麻烦问一下，方子衿方老师住在哪里？方子衿赶出去，见是一个年轻小伙子。她说，我就是方子衿，你是？年轻人说，是容管家叫我来的，有急事，你快去吧。她问是什么事，年轻人说你去了就知道了，说过匆匆走了。
方子衿返身回屋，抱了女儿往外跑。彭陵野不好再呆下去，只好跟着她出门，并且表示要陪她一起去。方子衿看了他一眼，说你不担心人家往你头上扣右派帽子？她这样一说，彭陵野打消了念头，将她送上公共汽车后离开了。
赶到项宅，立即觉得气氛不对，院子里围了许多人，闹闹杂杂的，在争论着什么，有人在往外搬东西。容管家周旋在这些人之中，哭着求他们。方子衿叫了一声，容管家转过身来，看着她，定定地站在那里，叫一声方医生，不出声了。院子里点着许多灯，灯光照在他满是皱纹的脸上，脸上像是挂满了星星一般，闪着晶莹的光。方子衿大吃一惊，问道，容管家，出了么事？容管家说：“老爷……老爷……”仅仅说了两句，再也说不下去。院子里的那些人，有方子衿认识的，有面熟的，也有她从来没见过的。所有人对她视而不见，匆忙地进进出出，将家里的各种东西往外搬。
方子衿冲上楼去，许多次差点和抢搬东西的人相撞。她冲进书房，书房里同样充满了抢搬东西的人。方子衿冲到书桌前，见几个人正抬起书桌，要向外搬。她大喝一声，这个不准搬走。那些人看了看她，竟真的放下了桌子，又去抢搬别的东西。方子衿跑向桌前，拉开抽屉，见里面是空的。她又拉开另一只抽屉，里面还是空的。所有抽屉都拉开了，里面空无一物。她又跑到书柜前，去翻找一些重要的书。书柜里面乱糟糟的，许多地方都空了。方子衿想找到师傅的手稿以及重要书籍，可是，这一切全都不见了。
容管家不知什么时候出现在她的身后，带着哭腔对她说：“不用找了，都被他烧了。”
方子衿惊异地站起来，不解地问：“烧了？为么事？”
容管家向里面的卧室指了指，说：“他在里面，你去见见他吧。”
方子衿走向卧室。这里是整个项府最清静的地方，虽然灯光很亮，室内也摆了不少的东西，却没有一个人进来抢搬东西。她走向床前，见一个人躺在床上。她想，这应该就是师傅了。她叫了一声爷爷，没有应答。她又叫了一声，并且来到了他的近前。她向他看了一眼，见他双目紧闭，脸上有一股死气。她大吃一惊，伸手在他的鼻前试了试，顿时向后退了一步，站在那里，定定地看着他。
容管家走过来，站在她的身后，有一些滞重的声音，从他的鼻腔里滚滚而出。
“爷爷是么时候病的？你么不通知我？”方子衿质问容管家。
容管家痛苦地摆了摆头。方子衿一再追问，容管家才讲起事情的经过。
项钦羊根本就没什么病，他是自杀的。他自己配了药，交给容管家煎好，吃下去之后，对容管家说，他要好好睡一觉，没事不要打扰他。第二天过了下午，还没见项钦羊起来，容管家感到不对，进去看，见他已经死了，死得非常安详。
容管家说，大约十天前，居委会来了一个通知，让他去开会。开始还蛮好的，开了三天会，回来就变了，坐在那里发愣。后来，他不去开会了，呆在书房里烧他的手稿。一边烧一边自言自语，颠来倒去地说咎由自取、自取其辱什么的。容管家见状，知道自己制止不了他，要去叫方子衿来。老爷子拦住他不准出门。他说，不能去叫方子衿，否则就害了她。容管家反复追问，他才说，居委会通知他去，原来是开反右会议。在会上，九十多岁的项老爷子被划成了右派。他对容管家说，现在他是右派了，如果让方子衿过来，肯定会对她产生影响。他反复叮嘱容管家，无论在什么情况下，都不要告诉方子衿。
方子衿暗吃了一惊，问容管家那个通知自己的年轻人是怎么回事。容管家对此一无所知。发现老爷子自杀身亡之后，他只是通知了居委会以及项家的后人。居委会至今没有一点消息，项家的后人行动倒是快，跑来抢搬东西，他也没法制止。方子衿暗自吓出一身冷汗，意识到如果继续留在此地，很可能惹下巨大麻烦。可是，项老爷子躺在床上，尸骨未寒，她如果抽身而去，将会一辈子良心不安。她在心里一遍又一遍问自己应该怎么办，最后她想到了陆秋生，他父亲是共产党的高级干部，他或许能有办法吧。
下楼的时候，怀里的梦白醒过来。她到了吃奶时间，拼命用小嘴拱母亲的怀。方子衿哪里顾得上她？急急地往外走。梦白找不到母亲的乳房，急得大哭。方子衿刚刚出门，见门口驶过来两辆汽车，车上跳下很多荷枪实弹的武装人员，将项府团团地围了起来。那些往外抢搬东西的人，被武装人员用枪押了回来。所有人被押进了一楼的客厅，蹲着的坐着的站着的，谁都不说话，女人们面色惊惶，男人们大口大口地吸着烟，偌大的客厅里，烟雾弥漫。每一扇门前站着两名持枪人员，除了他们的人之外，其他人只准进不准出。方子衿坐在客厅的一张太师椅上，这把椅子原是在楼上的，不知被什么人搬下来，留在了这里。孩子在她怀里大哭，她哪有心情顾孩子？
一个穿中山装的男人和一个公安陪着容管家从楼上下来，走到方子衿面前。容管家向方子衿介绍，说他们一个是区里的章书记，一个是派出所的雷所长。章书记主动和方子衿握手，向她说，他们来晚了一步。这件事发生得太突然，他们一时也不知道该怎样处理，所以分别向市委和省委作了汇报。省委给了三条明确指示，第一，要保护好项宅的一切，连一张纸片也不能少。第二，由区里出面，办好项老先生的后事。第三，请方子衿到场，协助对项宅的一切进行登记造册。
方子衿想，那个去通知自己的年轻人，可能是他们派去的吧。她很想问一问，又觉得已经没有必要。自己拜项钦羊为师，原是他们之间的事，知道此事的人很少。现在要为项钦羊处理后事，省委的指示中明确提到了自己，说明与项钦羊有关的一切，省委知道得一清二楚。
章书记解释过后，见她怀里的孩子一直在哭，主动说，孩子是饿了吧。你先给孩子喂奶吧。其他的事，我们过一会儿再商量。
方子衿抱着孩子上楼，走进了项钦羊的卧室。她在他的身边坐下来，盯着他看了一眼，然后解开自己的前胸，将奶头塞进女儿的嘴里。梦白不哭了，用力地吸着。方子衿的眼睛看着睡着一般的项钦羊。她在想，父母辞世，她连最后一眼都未能看上，现在，自己要利用这个机会陪一陪爷爷。坐在项钦羊的面前，她已经忽略了自己的存在，忽略了女儿的存在，思维的触须深入到面前这个死去的灵魂深处。她在想，他的选择是对的吗？是什么力量促使他迈出这一步的？几乎所有的右派被划为右派之后，均被关押。可他不同，他被定为右派，却又让他回家了，甚至给了他从容的时间烧掉了他乃至他的祖辈留下来的许多医学著作以及手稿。为什么对他网开一面？据说，组织部门专门成立了机构，将各单位报上去的右派进行审核。会不会有一种可能？他只是被居委会定为右派，而上级还没有批准甚至是根本不准备批准？如此说来，他是被这顶右派帽子吓死的？还是因为对生命以及社会的彻底绝望？由项钦羊的死亡，她想到了自己的母亲，还有余珊瑶老师。母亲受凌辱之后投江自尽了，可余珊瑶仍然活着。活着，她活在一个怎样的世界里？
母亲的世界、项钦羊的世界以及余珊瑶的世界，都是方子衿感觉的触须无法到达的世界。面对他们，她觉得自己太渺小太单薄太苍白。
后来的几天，方子衿一直在协助有关部门清理项钦羊的遗物。她很想参与最后的告别仪式，可是，她犹豫了再犹豫，最终还是没有提出这个要求。她为自己的懦弱而羞愧，她为自己那埋在心底深处的自我保护而良心不安。她将这所有一切倾注在项钦羊的遗物上。这些遗物中，有用的已经被他给毁了，她曾经读过的一些医案、一些孤本的医学著作以及他倾注巨大热情所写的手稿，全都毁了。一个人，处于怎样的绝望之中，才会将自己一生的珍爱彻底毁弃？他毁掉的并不仅仅是属于他自己的，而是一笔极其宝贵的社会遗产。
做完这件事，方子衿觉得自己的灵魂受到了一次凌迟。她拖着千疮百孔的灵魂回到自己的家里，见那里有好几封信等着她，都是南区居委会登记之后塞到她的门缝里的。来往信函的管理，就像人口流动的管理一样，极其严格。以前，信件由系里统一管理，现在，这项职权下放给居委会了。她拿起那些信看了看，竟然全都是白长山的，没有陆秋生的。
方子衿的心中闪过一丝阴翳。多长时间没有收到陆秋生的来信了？有一个多月了。自从离开恒兴来到宁昌，她已经习惯了每个星期收到一封他的来信。现在，他的信突然没有了，是否说明他已经对她彻底死心了？
将女儿安顿在床上，她有一种即将虚脱的感觉。就算还有最后一丝力气，她也一定要用这点力气来读白长山的信。她坐在书桌前，拿出那些信，像捧出一只又一只纯洁的白鸽。她满怀着虔诚，将这些信数了一遍，七封，平均两天一封。她仔细地将时间理顺，从最早的一封信看起。
这封信写得密密麻麻，可是，整封信都只有一句话：妹子，等着我，我马上离婚！这句话被他写了很多遍，占满了整张纸，每一句的结束，都打上了至少十个惊叹号。看到那些惊叹号，就像是看到了白长山站在自己的面前。她的心为这些惊叹号怦然而动，眼泪禁不住顺着脸颊流落下来。她没有急着打开第二封信，而是捧着第一封，静静地坐在那里。她的目光散乱着，似乎盯着信纸，又似乎飘离了那句话本身，飞到了遥远不可知的某一个地方。
她喜欢读白长山的来信，就像一个初生的婴儿喜欢母亲的乳房，那乳房里有清香的乳汁汩汩地流出来。虽然她的乳房已经枯竭了，原本饱满而又甘美的乳汁枯竭了。她是妇科医生，她知道原因。这段时间经历太多，苦难的经历吞噬了女儿的营养。没了乳汁，女儿却在酣畅地吸乳，吸得忘乎所以。
她打开了第二封信。第二封信只有一张纸，没有抬头称呼没有结尾署名，整封信只有四个字：我要离婚。看到这四个字，方子衿的心狂跳不已。这不是普通的四个字，而是四个鲜红鲜红的字。大大的四个字，触目惊心。她很容易可以检验这到底是血还是红墨水，可她根本不用这样做。她知道，这一定是用血写的。用血写的信背后，是怎样铭心刻骨的情感，又有着怎样的决心？
方子衿的思绪再一次飞走了，飞到了她丝毫都不熟悉的北国。
北国，白长山正拉着一车货从黑河赶回白河。夜幕似乎是从他身后漫漫翻卷而来的，像一块厚重的云，在他完全没有觉察的时候，濡染了他的整个天空。夜间行车不安全，他完全可以在中途住一个晚上，明天早晨再踏上归途。可是，他归心似箭，恨不得一步跨到家门。他想，子衿应该给自己回信了。对于这段时间来，自己给她写的许多封信，她到底是什么态度？除了急迫地想见到她的来信，他还急迫地希望自己的离婚案快点有结果。
汽车向南，一直向南。白长山在意识深处搜寻有关南国的记忆。海南岛成片成片的香蕉林、密密匝匝的甘蔗林、像老神仙一样挂满胡须的老榕树，还有那令人吐得五脏六腑都差不多倒腾不已的蓝色大海。至于宁昌，他的记忆要模糊得多，每次都是跟着车队，住在一个叫南苑的地方，汽车在那里装了弹药，便乘轮渡过江。汽车队太长而轮渡太少，他们不得不等在江边。对于宁昌，他只是一名过客，就像是在梦中走过的一般。可那里，又似乎是他命中注定要一辈子留连的地方，因为那里住着他梦里的女人。
他已经为她死过一次了。他做梦都没有想到，命运又为自己安排了一次机会。他默默地告诫自己，他一定要紧紧地抓住这次机会，不计任何代价。这个念头，是他接到她那封信时冒出的，而且随着时间的流逝，越来越坚定。
那段时间，每天爬起来就只有一件事：反右。最初是将大鸣大放中那些鸣过放过的人抓起来批斗，往往是抓住人家说的一句话，就写了一篇洋洋洒洒的批判文章，站在台上说得口沫四溅。这些鸣放过的人毕竟是有数的，没几天就被打得稀里哗啦。把那些自己跳出来的右派们打倒之后，没有人可斗了，有些人就觉得浑身上下不舒服。于是，反右运动又开始了新一轮，深挖那些藏在身边的右派。
于是，八百年前说的一句话会被挖出来，斩头去尾，拿到高倍显微镜下去分析，就像是考古学家在千年古墓里发现了一片八不像的陶土，如获至宝般弄出那么一点点，并且又分成许多份，左研究来右研究去。
白长山觉得这事很无聊。他也说不清为什么，自从那次和死神擦身而过，他的思想有了一次脱胎换骨的变化，以前看重的许多东西，现在觉得不值一提。以前苦苦追求的，现在无法让他打醒精神。唯独只有对方子衿的感情，就像是窖藏的美酒，日子越久，酒香越浓。那时候，他坐在会议室里，正看着外面走道上的一只蜻蜓。那只蜻蜓自由自在，两对透明的羽翼扇动着，在走廊上高低不平的泥地上飞翔着。他想，如果他是一只蜻蜓就好了，他一定不迷恋这个地方，他会一直向南飞。三月里莺飞草长的南方，才是理想的乐园。
传达室的老头走过来，见白长山坐在门口，随手将一封信交给他。老头还要进去给其他人发邮件，被局长制止了。局长说，没见正开会吗？这是很重要的会。出去出去。传达室的老头出去了，却不会将已经发出去的信收回来，白长山成了唯一的幸运儿。
当然，白长山完全不知道后来发生的那些事，他看一眼那熟悉的信封，那颗心就开始疾跳不已。东方红太阳升，他等着盼着的就是这封信。他不管那些人唾沫星子能飞多远，迅速将信拆开。
离婚了。她在信中告诉他，她离婚了。白长山就像是在黑夜中见到了一盏明亮的灯，就像是厚厚的乌云层中划过一道耀眼的闪电，就像当年攻打锦州时，将坚固的锦州城撕开了一道豁口。那时，白长山几乎想跳起来，对在场的所有人大喊：太好了，她离婚了，我有机会了。我要离婚。他实在无法抑制自己的兴奋。他知道，自己如果不尽快离开这里，肯定会大喊大叫着将这一激动人心的消息告诉在场的所有人。
他悄悄地离开了。好在他坐在门边，而且，会议的主题虽然严肃，仍然常常有人因为小便或者喝水离开，他趁机开溜，并没有引起别人的注意。离开之后，他想找一处僻静的树林，白桦林什么的。白桦树高耸入云，树干睁着一只又一只眼睛。千万只眼睛，会是他的见证。他需要这个见证，需要有眼睛看着他，一直看透他的心。可是非常遗憾，商业局大楼在市中心，离白桦林太远了。他唯一能做的，就是跑上办公楼的楼顶。站在楼顶上，头顶着蓝天白云，心胸突然地开阔起来。他想，他如果大声地喊叫，那飘动的云朵，一定可以将他的声音带