Chapter 2 2

{speech} I have no idea of ​​who I will be ten years from now.Hypotheses and assumptions are useless.It's like a knot made of hair, but it can't hold a rabbit's tail. Only as the identity of the future tense, we can meet the past self from the present tense. Ten years apart.But close by. Memories have omnipotent softening power, even a dirty bus has a hazy outline.In the dilapidated buses of the early years, the front section and the rear section were connected by a piece of folded rubber, like the lengthened and shortened bellows part of an accordion.Play chaotic music, like palm prints.

The memory of elementary school is vague, and junior high school and high school are too sharp and vivid: going to school half asleep and half awake in the winter morning, after eating the hot buns bought on the roadside, there is a warm plastic bag stuffed in the trouser pocket. After the bus arrives at the stop, squeeze out the crowd, and when it is too crowded, you have to pull out the soles of your feet that are still in the compartment.Hairstyles and clothing are even more irrelevant. Nothing more than dark green or dark blue school uniforms.The hair is combed into a ponytail and tied with two symmetrical black hairpins.

Following the "popular points" of the time, the zipper stops at 1/3 of the way.The shoulder line of the sportswear is torn back. In short, it can't be worn too docilely, in order to appear casual enough.The only things that stand out are the shoes.The black and white Nikes were a birthday gift from my parents.Although it didn't take long to find out that it didn't seem to be a genuine product, it was very suspicious that it came from a supermarket. Sometimes the schoolbag is carried on the chest, which is convenient for taking out things.Buy a pair of dried tofu or egg pancakes on the way home.Wrapped in yellow greasy paper, oil marks ooze out quickly.

Steal money from parents. ——You can use a heavy, casual, emotional, and joking tone to tell things with different effects. Steal money to buy that long-awaited top or skirt.But he dared not wear it because he was afraid of being exposed. There have been trips to school where bicycles and buses alternate.When I was in the first grade of junior high school, I always rode my mother's old-fashioned women's bike, which was too big, with a high seat cushion, and the brakes and tire rims were rusty and mottled. In the keen season when bicycles can also become a kind of silent comparison, the birthday gift I hoped for back then was a brand new and beautiful women's car.

Over the past year or so, my wish has come true.I got a new car in sky blue, similar to those shiny girls ride. The background is that bicycles were not considered consumables a few years ago, and you could change them whenever you wanted, so my mother said, you should take good care of it.At the end of every class I would run down the hallway to see if my new car was still there. Going to school with the corner of your mouth grinning, you may be humming a high-spirited song in your heart. Until one month later in the morning, the mother who opened the kitchen window screamed and ran downstairs in a hurry.

There was a carport burglary the night before, and several families were damaged.The thieves picked the locks and more than a dozen vehicles were stolen.The adults were talking about their methods and when they committed the crime, but I stood behind my mother and looked at the suddenly empty carport of my car, leaving only the thieves who didn't like it.Brakes and rims are mottled with rust. I was pushed by my mother to say not to watch it, I will be late for school soon. I put my schoolbag on my back, slowly rolled out the old car I left behind, and rode on it.After a long absence for several months, the feeling of sitting, which was clearly no longer used, was re-acquainted hatefully after a few minutes.The high-spirited months ended prematurely.Hatefully, back to the original world.

If at last there was anything to say—I think, looking at myself ten years ago—it would be: "Look, I remember it all." A sky blue bicycle with the brand name printed on the horizontal bar in silver-gray font.At that time, it cost about 200 yuan a car. {speech} Two locks are used, the one that comes with it, and the one that goes through the wheel steel with a hose. The joy and pride in just one month ended faster than the melting snow. {travel} In a small barbecue shop in Osaka, the enthusiastic store manager gave me some snacks and beer for free. After finishing a large glass, he asked me: "Are you traveling here alone?"

He nodded and said, "Yes, this is already the sixth time." Maybe a little drunk, because I can't explain how the numbers are calculated. Travel alone.Travel here alone.Or has been, the number of times away from home. Where to start. {hard、tired} I chose the wrong direction when climbing a section of the mountain road. Most ordinary people go to the latter after visiting the famous historical villages Tsumago and Magome.But I went retrograde, starting from the horse cage to the wife cage.It was only later that I realized that, as a result, I had to face nearly seven kilometers of winding uphill roads.

It's still far away from the peak tourist season, and I haven't met anyone on the long mountain road for more than half an hour.Bamboo groves and camellias, the very occasional houses close their doors.Although there is a bus stop sign, the number shows that the bus with a frequency of one and a half hours is more hopeless than my legs.The sun is full, and I can only walk tiredly one hundred meters, one hundred meters, and my throat is about to smoke.I finally found a stool to sit on. Not far away is a high-altitude snow-capped mountain with a white crown, which is very dazzling after reflecting the sun.

Later, I met a backpacker from Europe and the United States. Because I had met briefly before, I took a few photos for her, so we had a short conversation after meeting again.He gestured to her and said, "It's too difficult for me." "Then you want to return?" "I don't know. But it's too hard for me. Tired." {leave home} Compared with the current self who is always squatting at the door of the house and not entering the house, the former self is almost good at running away from home. ——Although such a complacent evaluation is used, it is outstanding in quality rather than number.

I left home for the second time, from Shanghai to Beijing when I was eighteen, and this farewell lasted for two years.At that time, I was always drowsy in class and was judged as a stupid student's brain by the teacher. When I ran away from home, I showed my wisdom everywhere and activated my brain cells to the maximum extent. Legally drift longer.It was the severe winter at the end of January, and as long as I could settle down, I slept for two nights on a deck chair in an old-fashioned bathhouse.The mottled lime wall in the whole line of sight, the unowned cotton wool trousers hanging on the stool. The dense, moist warmth that is drawn into the lungs—matter is conserved, seeping into the soil in crystallized form over the years. Compared with the complete second time, the first time happened before. The cause was a serious conflict with my parents. With an extremely rebellious mentality, I sat in the room all night and tore up all the photos with them, and then On the walls and furniture, swear words like big-character posters were written with mimeograph.In any future, it would be considered a childish behavior, but at that time, immersed in the excitement of trembling with anger, he slammed the door and left the house in the early morning. The first time I didn't really mean to go far, and there were mostly protests, so after a week, I returned home under the comfort of my softened father.The moment I opened the door, I felt slightly proud like a winner in my heart. When I walked to my room, I saw that the writing on the wall had been wiped clean. However, the second time I left home, there was no quarrel. During dinner, the family sat at the table and finished eating, watching the news, with commercials in the middle, and then I went back to the room, and my parents watched TV outside and chatted occasionally. Read a book, doodled and drew in front of the writing desk, and fell asleep.A short sleep, in order to wake up in the early morning. At 3:50 in the morning, I went to the bathroom to get a wet towel and wiped my face slightly, and walked to the gate with my luggage. {Yanggu Hot Spring} Many years later, I stood in the bustling subway plaza in Tokyo, holding a dozen phone numbers I just searched in the coffee and tea shops with Internet access.Due to unexpected changes, the scheduled itinerary was forced to be interrupted. If I couldn't find a place to stay immediately, I might have to sleep on the street.At first, I browsed through various travel books in the bookstore, hoping to remember one or two hotel numbers registered in it, but later I found that a more intelligent method should be placed on the Internet. In a small private room covered by a curtain, the keyboard and computer interface are all in Japanese.I don’t have a pen by my side, so I borrowed one from the boss, and looking for paper, I only have a one-page advertisement that was distributed in the bookstore. Fourteen numbers were densely recorded on it. Then in exchange for a lot of change.One hundred yuan coins, pile them up on the phone, and dial the number one by one. "Hello, I would like to inquire about accommodation." "A person..." "It's this weekend, is there any room available..." Until an inn owner in Yugu Hot Spring said gently, "You can stay." I always get on the plane after an all-nighter, struggle to eat lunch while half asleep, and a movie is playing on the small LCD screen in front of me, but due to time constraints, I can never watch the ending before the plane lands.And turning to the small circular window, there is an entire ocean below.The blue, arc-shaped water meets the sky. Arriving at the hotel by car, the boss in his early thirties led me to the room with his child on his back. There was an excellent orientation of the stream under the window, and the water was so clear that it was almost transparent. The green woods on the other side brought a certain breath. After soaking in hot springs, both indoors and outdoors, I feel dizzy all over.Was offered to join them at dinner by an elderly couple who lived next door. Lie on the ground and look up at the light before going to bed.The previous beer emanates from the pores, leaving more in the blood. I'm here.Every day, I use the phone card to make international calls to my home.And the mother who is always nagging and kind can talk for more than ten minutes each time, how is the family, how is she, how is the father, how is the pet, it rained yesterday, it is sunny again today, it should be sunny tomorrow, right? . Fortunately, she has a father who complements her. After answering the phone, he asked, "Where did you go today? How was it? Are you tired?" {Telephone} Back to the second time away from home. In the waiting hall of the railway station in the winter of 2000, the people returning home were like soybeans stuffed into a basket, quickly flowing to every newly emptied place. Putting the huge suitcase in front of me, I dialed the number at home. It was my mother who answered the phone. The second complete exodus.Nearly three weeks after leaving without saying goodbye, she answered my call.In the New Year's Eve. Chasing a shadow, running non-stop, non-stop. Jump on the broken wall, climb over the bushes, the river bank that only allows one person to pass, and finally the iron staircase.Stepping on it rattled, and step by step forward, the space became narrower and the light was dim.From light yellow to dark gray and finally rich black. When looking back, the exit is a faint bright spot like a pinhole at the end. Then continue to bury yourself in the darkness, betting that one day it will break out of the ground again in the form of emerald green. just before that— She said "hello". I replied "it's me". After a quick pause, she said "it's you". "Ok." "Where are you now?" "Oh... I'm in Beijing now." Although it wasn't actually the case, I said so at the time.Is it to sever their idea of ​​finding me home? The mother simply believed it, and she said, "Oh. Your father and I guess you should have gone to Beijing as well." "Ok." "Your father is not here now." "Oh yeah." "Tomorrow's New Year's Eve, he will go shopping." "……Oh……" "Then I'll ask him to call you when he comes back." "okay." It was very peaceful, without crying, arguing, or silent phone calls, and was drowned in the waiting hall with the highest crowd density. A family of three sitting on the opposite seat shared a bag of bread.Some people sleep with newspapers over their heads. After hanging up the phone, I kicked the melon seed shells on the ground with my toes to gather them together. {Door} After holding your breath, your steps are the lightest. But you know that when you walk on a wooden floor, there will always be an occasional creaking sound that cannot be controlled.And the sound of their own bones rubbing against each other. At 4 a.m. when I left home, I opened the door with bated breath. At that time, a heavy security iron gate was installed in the house.Comes with two locks.Over time, the occasional glitch or failure, sweaty turning of the key or the lock on one side of the door or the other, until my father arrived with the magic sewing machine oil to fix the problem. They slept in a bedroom a few meters away. Therefore, in the silent night, the two sets of locks should be opened with the smallest movement. Hold your breath with the force of your heart beating out of your chest. The first lock knob, turn it carefully. "clack". "clack". "clack".inevitable. The second lock is also slightly larger in size.It is a switch to press the handle all the way down. There must be a lot of noise. flushed.In a parched darkness. Finally, after the click sound, both sets of locks changed their positions.Then the whole iron door vibrated slightly and loosened a gap outward. My whole body freezes in tension.Unable to move, he could only stand stiffly in place. If someone asks behind you, "What are you doing?" If this sound is heard. If found. If nothing happens in the future. Assumptions are always the most meaningless pity. Closing a door is as big a job as opening it.I had to hold my breath again, press my hand on the edge of the door, very lightly, very lightly, push it back to its original position.Use every highly tense nerve to amplify the sound of keyhole engagement. --Snapped. It took ten minutes to walk from one side of the door to the other.His forehead was covered with fine sweat.The darkness in the corridor lost the gap just now and returned to its integrity in an instant.I stood there with mild night blindness, no matter whether I opened or closed my eyes, there was almost no difference in front of my eyes, and I couldn't distinguish anything. heavier than a fearful heart. After groping out of the corridor, there was no one outside the house at 4 o'clock in winter.There are few orange street lights. after all.go ahead. "—One day, it will emerge from the ground in the form of emerald green."