Chapter 14 Hypnotism by Jeff Peters

In order to make money, Jeff Peters has engaged in as many schemes as there are cooking tricks in Charleston, South Carolina. My favorite thing to hear from him was the story of his early days, when he was making ends meet selling plasters and cough drops on the streets.He could deal with all kinds of people, and often bet his last penny on fate. "I came to Fisherman's Mountain, Arkansas," he said, "in a moccasin jacket, moccasin boots, long hair, and a thirty-carat diamond ring that I got from Texarkana. The actor got a knife for it. I don't know what he wanted the knife for.

"At that time, the sign I played was Dr. Warhu, a famous Indian doctor. At that time, I only had one of the best bets, which was rejuvenation medicinal wine, which was formulated with several life-prolonging plants and several medicinal herbs. The herb was discovered by Taguara, the beautiful wife of the Choctaw chief, while looking for ingredients for dog meat for the annual Corn Festival dance. "Business wasn't very good in the last town, so I had five bucks in my pocket. I found the apothecary in Fisherman's Hill, and he gave me six dozen eight-ounce glass bottles and corks on credit. I still had There are labels and ingredients left over from the last town. When I live in a hotel, there is running water in the room, and dozens of rejuvenating medicinal wines are lined up on the table, and life seems to have improved again.

"You say it's counterfeit? No, sir. There's two bucks for quinine extract and a dime for aniline in six dozen medicated liquors. I'll pass through those towns a few years from now, and they'll still buy me that kind of stuff." Medicinal wine. "That night I hired a cart to sell medicinal wine on the street. Fisherman's Mountain is a low malaria-infested town. According to my diagnosis, the big tonic for nourishing the lungs, strengthening the heart and activating the blood is just what everyone needs. Potions are going to be as popular as haggis on toast at the vegetarian table. I'm only selling two dozen for a dollar a bottle when I feel someone tug at the hem of my coat. I know right away What happened, he got out of the car and slipped a five-dollar bill into the hand of a man with a silver star on his chest.

"'Sir,' said I, 'it's not a bad night.' "'You peddling this illegal counterfeit, and boasting it as medicinal liquor, do you have a license from the city?' "'I didn't,' said I, 'I didn't know you were a city here. If I found out to-morrow it was, I'd go and get a license if necessary.' "'I'll have to put you out of business until you get it,' said the policeman. "I put away the liquor and went back to the hotel to talk to the boss about it. "'Oh, you can't do it in Fisherman's Hill,' he said. 'The only doctor here, Hoskins, is the mayor's brother-in-law, and they won't let a bogus doctor in town.'

"'I don't practice medicine,' said I. 'I have a state peddler's license. I'll get a city license when I need it.' "I went to the mayor's office the next morning and they told me the mayor wasn't on duty and didn't know what time he was coming in. So Dr. Warhu sat hunched over in the hotel chair again and lit a candle Wait for the cigar, be patient. "After a while, a young man in a blue tie slipped into the chair next to me and asked me what time it was. "'Thirty past ten.' I said, 'You're Andy Tucker, I've seen you in business. Aren't you selling Cupid Assorted Gift Boxes in the Southern States? Let me see, there's a Chilean diamond in it An engagement ring, a wedding ring, a potato masher, a bottle of painkiller, and a picture of Dorothy Vernon—all for fifty cents."

"Andy was very happy to see that I remembered him. He was a street-smart salesman; not only that, but he was very happy with his work, and he was content with three times the profit. Many people pulled He was engaged in illegal counterfeit medicine or shoddy seeds business together, but he was never tempted to stray from the right path. "I was in need of a partner, so Andy and I agreed to join forces. I told him about Fisherman's Mountain and told him that the money wasn't coming in because of local politics mixed with a laxative. Andy was the The man who got off the train early in the morning was not rich. He was going to raise money in the town to get some money to go to Eureka Fountain to build a new warship. So we went out and sat in the porch to discuss it.

"At eleven o'clock the next morning, while I was sitting alone in the hotel, a Negro slumped into the hotel and asked a doctor to see Judge Banks, who seemed to be the mayor, and said he had acute disease. "'I'm not a doctor,' said I, 'why don't you send for the doctor?' "'Boss,' said the black person, 'Dr. Hoskins is twenty miles away, seeing people in the country. There's only one doctor in town, and Master Banks is very ill. He sent me to fetch you. Sir, please.' "'As a countryman, I ought to go and see him,' said I, and so I put a bottle of rejuvenating wine in my pocket, and climbed up the hill to the mayor's house, which was supposed to be the prettiest house in the town, Mansard roof, two giant iron dogs on the lawn.

"Mayor Banks was lying in bed save for his beard and tiptoes. His stomach was rumbling so loudly that, in San Francisco, it would have been mistaken for There was another earthquake, and he fled to the countryside. A young man was standing beside his bed, holding a glass of water. "'Doctor,' said the Mayor, 'I am very ill. I am dying. Can you do anything for me?' "'Mr. Mayor,' said I, 'I am not worthy to be a regular student of Esculapius, the god of medicine. I have never been to medical school. I am only a fellow countryman, to see if I can help you. Do something.'

"'I am very grateful, Dr. Warhu,' said he. 'This is my nephew, Mr. Biddle, who tried to relieve my pain, but in vain. Oh, my God! Oh-oh-oh !' he hummed again. "I nodded to Mr. Biddle, sat down on the edge of the bed, and took the mayor's pulse. 'Let me see your liver--I mean your tongue,' I said. Then I rolled his eyelids, and carefully Look at the pupils. "'How long have you been sick?' I asked. "'Last night's illness--oh-oh,' cried the mayor, 'prescribe me some medicine, doctor, will you?' "'Mr. Fidel,' said I, 'draw the curtains a little, will you?'

"'My name is Biddle,' said the young man. 'Would you like some ham and eggs, Uncle James?' "I put my ear to his right shoulder blade for a while and then said: 'Mr. Mayor, you have acute inflammation of the right clavicle tendon.' "'By God!' said he, and snorted again, 'can't you put some medicine on it, or set bones, or do something else?' "I took my hat and went to the door. "'Aren't you going, doctor?' cried the mayor. 'You can't just walk away and leave me to die with this—what kind of chondritis?'

"'Compassion is in every man,' said Mr. Biddle. 'You wouldn't leave a fellow man to suffer, would you, Doc?' "'Stop yelling at the animals to plow the fields,' I said, 'I'm Dr. Warhu.' So I went back to the bed, tossing my long hair back. "'Mr. Mayor,' said I, 'you have but one hope. The medicine is not doing you much. The medicine is great, but there is something more.' "'What's that?' said he. "'Scientific evidence, will over drugs.' I said, 'Believe that you don't have pain, you don't have disease, it's just how we feel when we're not feeling well.' "'What did you say, doctor?' said the mayor. 'You're not a socialist!' "I said, 'I'm talking about a great doctrine of mental conditioning, an enlightenment school of long-distance, subconscious healing of delirium and meningitis, a miraculous indoor exercise—what is commonly called Something for hypnotism.' "'Can you perform this operation, doctor?' asked the mayor. "'I am one of the high priests and priests of the Sanctuary,' I said, 'and with a wave of my hand the lame can walk and the blind can see. I am a seance, a coloratura mesmer, a Lord of the heart. Thanks to me, the late chairman of the Wine and Vinegar Company was able to return to earth and talk to his sister Jane at a recent seance given by Ann Arbor. You saw me giving to the poor in the street Selling drugs,' said I, 'I don't hypnotize them. I don't do it lightly, because they don't have money.' "'Can you cure me?' asked the mayor. "'Look here,' I said, 'wherever I go, the medical profession always troubles me. I'm not a doctor. But, to save your life, I'll give you psychotherapy, as long as you act The mayor doesn't pursue any licensing matters.' "'Of course,' said he. 'Now, doc, it hurts again.' "'I charge two hundred and fifty dollars, two cures guaranteed,' I said. "'All right,' said the Mayor, 'I'll pay. I think my life is worth that much.' "I sat on the edge of the bed and looked straight into his eyes. "'Listen, don't think about sickness in your mind,' I said, 'you're not sick. You're not sick in your heart, you're not sick in your collarbone or your ulnar elbow, you're not in your brain, you're not sick at all. You don't have any pain. Negative All diseases. Now you feel that the pain you didn't have is gone, don't you?' "'I do feel a little better, doctor,' said the mayor, 'you're being lied to. Now make up a few more lies that I don't feel distended on the left side, and I think you can help me up and eat some sausage and buckwheat. cake.' "I made a few more gestures. "'Okay,' I said, 'the inflammation is gone. The perihelion right lobe has receded. You're drowsy and you can't keep your eyes open. It's under control. Now you're asleep.' "The mayor slowly closed his eyes and began to snore. "'You see, Mr Tiedle,' said I, 'that is the miracle of modern science.' "'Biddle,' he corrected. 'When are you going to treat uncle again, Dr. Pope?' "'Doctor Warhu,' said I. 'I'll be back at eleven o'clock tomorrow morning. When he wakes up, give him eight drops of turpentine and three pounds of steak. Good-bye.' "The next morning, I was on time. 'Hi, Mr. Riddle,' I said as he opened the bedroom door, 'how was your uncle this morning?' "'He seems much better,' said the young man. "The mayor's face is fine and his pulse is normal. I treated him again and he said that even the last bit of pain was gone. "'Now,' said I, 'you'd better stay in bed for a day or two, and you'll be all right. It's a good thing I've come to Fisherman's Hill, Mr. Mayor, because you won't be able to be cured by anything that a doctor from a good medical school can prescribe. Now that the disease is cured and the pain is no more tormenting, let's talk about something more pleasant—that is, the $250 medical bill. Please don't write the check, I'm not happy to sign the back of it, And unwilling to sign a check on the front.' "'I have cash with me,' said the mayor, drawing a pouch from under the pillow. "He counted out five fifty-dollar bills and held them in his hand. "'Receipt,' he said Biddle. "I signed the receipt and the mayor handed me the money. I put the money carefully in my inner pocket. "'Now do your duty, Inspector,' said the mayor, with a sneer, not at all a sick man. "Mr. Biddle grabbed my arm. "'You are under arrest, Doctor Warhu, alias Peters,' said he, 'for practicing medicine without a license in violation of state law.' "'Who are you?' I asked. "'I'll tell you who he is.' said the mayor, sitting up in bed. 'He's a detective hired by the State Medical Association. He's been watching you through five counties. He came to me yesterday, and we've booked this Plotting to arrest you. I don't think you'll be practicing medicine in this area again, Mr. Liar. What's wrong with me, doctor?' The mayor smiled. It's a brain failure!' "'Hey, a detective,' I said. "'Quite right,' said Biddle, 'and I have to turn you over to the sheriff.' "'You try it,' I said, choking him and trying to throw him out of the window. It was too late, then, and he drew his gun against my jaw, and I stood still. So he handcuffed me and took the money out of my pocket. "'I certify,' said he, 'that this is exactly the note you and I have marked, Judge Banks. I will deliver it to him when I bring him to the sheriff's office, and he will issue you A receipt. The money is to be used as physical evidence in the case.' "'All right, Mr. Biddle,' said the mayor. 'And now, Doctor Warhu,' he went on, 'why don't you put on a show and hypnotize your handcuffs off?' "'Come on, Sergeant,' I said with air, 'I'll do what I can.' Then I said to old Banks, shaking the handcuffs: "'Mr. Mayor, it won't be long before you are convinced that the hypnotism was successful, and you will be sure that this time it will be successful, too.' "I think it does. "As we approached the gate, I said, 'Now we might run into someone, Andy. I think you'd better take the cuffs off. And—'Hey, what's up? Of course Biddle is Andy Tower K. That's all his scheme. We'll have the money to go into business together."

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