Chapter 13 Friend Telemachus
On a hunting trip, I waited for the southbound train in the small town of Los Pinos, New Mexico on the way home.That train was an hour late.Sitting on the porch of the Summit Inn, I chatted with the owner, Telemachus Hicks, about the meaning of life.
I found that the man was not bad-tempered, so I asked him why his left ear was bitten by some beast and became disabled.As a hunter, my concern is the misfortune that may befall me in the hunt.
"This ear," said Hicks, "is a keepsake of a true friendship."
"Was it an accident?" I asked.
"There are no accidental friendships," said Telemachus.I will not speak anymore.
"Speaking of true friendship," went on my shopkeeper, "I've only ever known a Connecticut man and a monkey to be true to each other. Barranquilla earned his living by the monkeys climbing up the coconut tree to pick coconuts for him. He saw the coconuts and made them into water ladles, which he sold for two reales each, and used to buy wine. The monkeys drink. Both of them are satisfied with the division of spoils, and they live like brothers.
"But if it's between people, making friends is just a play on the occasion, and the friendship between people may break at any time.
"I once had a friend named Paisley Fish, and I imagined they would never part. We worked together for seven years on a mine, ran a farm, sold patented churns, herded sheep, and I made a living by taking pictures and so on, and built fences together, and picked dried plums. I thought, let alone sweet words, money and wine, even a knife around my neck would never make a difference between me and Paisley Fish. And. It’s hard for you to imagine how deep our friendship has become. We are not only friends in business, but also friendly partners in life. They are inseparable, staying together day and night like the legendary Damon and Pythias.
"One summer, Paisley and I galloped into the St. Andrews mountains here, shirtless, and we wanted to find a place to spend the summer and have fun for a month. We chose Los Pinos. The little boy The town is like a garden on the roof of the world, with the aroma of condensed milk and honey. There are one or two streets in the town, the air is good, the hens are fat, and there are hotels for food and lodging, all of which are enough for us to enjoy.
"It was past dinner time when we arrived in town, but we made up our minds to go into this railroad inn to see what else we could eat. We sat down and had just picked up our knives and hadn't Before she had time to pry up the plate stuck to the red oilcloth, the widow Jessup brought freshly baked buns and fried chicken livers.
"I said, there really is such a woman in the world, and an anchovy is sure to be tempted when it sees it. She is well-proportioned, tall, short, fat, and thin; The result of the fire is also a sign of her warm and cheerful personality, and her smile can make the dogwood bloom in the twelfth lunar month.
"The widow Jessup was very chatty, and she went on and on about the climate and history of the place, about Tennyson, prunes, and the lack of mutton, and finally she asked where we were from.
"'Spring Canyon,' I said.
"'Grand Canyon Spring,' interjected Paisley, revealing a mouthful of potatoes and a metatarsal bone from a piece of ham.
"As soon as Paisley said this, I realized that the simple and honest friendship between him and me could no longer be maintained. He knew that I hated people's talkativeness the most, but he wanted to pick words and interrupt My conversation with Jessup. The map says Spring Canyon; but Paisley himself always calls it Spring Canyon, I've heard him say it a thousand times.
"Both of us didn't say anything more, we walked out of the hotel after dinner, and sat down on the railway tracks. We have been old partners for many years, and we know each other's thoughts without talking.
"'I think, you know,' Paisley said, 'that I have made up my mind that the widow will legally be a part of my family and my life, unless death does us part.'
"'Yes,' I said, 'you said only one sentence, but I understood what you meant. But I think you should know, too,' said I, 'that I have planned to change the widow's name to What's left for you, Kex, is to write a letter to the social section of the newspaper and ask if the best man at the wedding is going to wear camellias and no-sew socks!'
"'This plan of yours must be difficult to carry out,' said Paisley, chewing on a splinter of a sleeper. ’ he said, ‘but it’s between a man and a woman. You know,’ Paisley went on, ‘that a woman’s smile is a vortex of squill and iron salt mineral water, and once it’s sucked in, Even the strong ship of friendship is doomed and smashed to pieces. If a bear harasses you, I will surprise it with all my might,' said Paisley. I'll rub your back with soapy camphor, too; but my courtesy will go so far. We're each on our own in the fight for Mrs. Jessup. I'll put my ugly words first.'
"I thought for a while alone, and put forward the following ideas and guidelines for action——
"'Friendship between men,' said I, 'is an ancient historical virtue. It arose in ancient societies when men needed to protect each other from lizards with eighty-foot tails and flying turtles. Invasion. The men followed the pattern and still supported each other until the hotel barman came to tell them that these animals are now really gone. I have heard many times that the friendship between men, when a woman enters, is easy will break.' I said, 'why would it break? Listen, Paisley, our hearts were already in the vibrator the first time we saw Mrs. Jessup and her hot bread. It seems that there is no peace. The one of us who is more capable will let her go. I will compete fairly with you and will never engage in any small tricks. How I woo her is all done in front of you, so you and I Same chance. If you do the same, I don't think our boat of friendship will sink into that eddy of medicinal mineral water you speak of, no matter who wins in the end.'
"'All right, buddy!' Paisley said, taking my hand. 'I'll do it.' He said, 'we'll propose to this lady in person, and there's nothing to avoid between you and me, and nothing like The average person shoots a knife out of jealousy like that. No matter who wins, we'll still be friends."
"Mrs. Jessup's hotel has some trees and a bench under the tree. She likes to sit there to enjoy the cool after the southbound train leaves. So Paisley and I met there after dinner, and we went to this place. The two wives expressed their love. We courted openly, strictly fulfilling the promise of equal opportunity, and whoever arrived first would rather wait than start alone.
"The first night Mrs. Jessup realized we had a gentlemen's agreement, I arrived before Paisley. It was just after dinner, and Mrs. Jessup was wearing a new pink dress, already Cooled in there for a while and was almost ready to touch.
"I sat down beside her, contemplating the sights near and far, admiring the spirit of nature. It was a perfect evening for love. The moon was already up in the sky, fulfilling its duty in its own orbit. The trees above our heads cast mottled shade on the ground in accordance with the laws of science and nature. In the bushes, the chirping of little nightingales, orioles, jackrabbits and other birds and animals and the chirping of insects, One sound, one after another, one after another. The wind blowing from the mountains, passing by the pile of empty ketchup cans beside the railway tracks, hummed like someone playing a clarinet.
"Suddenly I felt a strange sensation in the left side of my body—like dough starting to rise in a crock by the fire. It turned out that Mrs. Jessup had moved closer to me.
"'Well, Mr. Hicks,' said she, 'isn't there a single person in the world who is lonelier on such a beautiful night?'
"I quickly got up from my chair.
"'Excuse me, ma'am,' I said, 'I won't be able to answer such leading questions until Paisley arrives.'
"I then explained to her that Paisley and I have been working together for many years, and that the two have traveled together, and that we are friends who share thick and thin; In any occasion of love, you can’t use these methods behind your back to take advantage of the other party. After hearing this, Mrs. Jessup seemed to think about it for a while, and then suddenly laughed, and the laughter echoed in the desolate woods.
"Within a few minutes, Paisley arrived, with bergamot oil in his hair. He sat down on the other side of Mrs. Jessup and told a tale of harrowing adventure: the nine consecutive deaths in the St. Leda Valley in 1895. In a dry month with no rain, he competed with a fool named Lumley in a skinning race for a pair of silver-inlaid saddles.
"You see, from the very beginning of this courtship contest, I have kept Paisley Fish in a dilemma. We each have our own strategy for how to easily win a woman's heart. Paisley's strategy is to He frightened them half to death at first by telling them stories of his own experience or what he saw in those large prints. I think his idea of making people obey because of fear must be Got it from a Shakespeare play called "Othello." I saw it, and there's a black person in it who's read Ryder Haggard and Lou Doxtad's thrillers, and heard Dr. Parkhurst's speech, in which he contrived to concoct a story to tell to the Duke's daughter, finally got her, but the courtship didn't work very well off the stage.
"So, how do I make a woman named Jones Mrs. Hicks? Tell you my secret, just learn to grab her hand and hold it, and she's yours. But it's not easy to do." Easy. Someone grabs the woman's hand and pulls it like it's trying to reset a dislocated shoulder, so you can smell the tincture of arnica and hear the sound of bandages being ripped off. Someone grabs the woman His hand seemed to be holding a hot horseshoe, his arms stretched out long, and his body was far away. His posture was like a pharmacist pouring a ferulic solution into a bottle. Most men who grab a woman's hand face each other. Pulling away, like a little boy picking a baseball from the grass, not giving her a chance to forget that the hand was still on her own arm. They're not doing it right.
"Let me tell you the correct way. Have you ever seen how someone hit a cat with a stone? He found a wild cat sitting on the fence looking at him, so he sneaked into the backyard and picked up a stone, pretending to be his hand. There is nothing in it, pretending not to know that the cat is looking at him, he didn't see the cat, and then throwing it suddenly. This is the secret of success. Never take a woman's hand when she is wary. Hold After taking her hand, although you know in your heart that she has got it, you have to pretend that you don't know it, and don't let her see it. That's my strategy. Paisley, he puts those thrilling stories and Natural and man-made calamities are serenade, but reading to a woman the timetable of the Sunday train to Ocean Grove, New Jersey, is more effective.
"I was sitting on the bench before Paisley one night, a pipe ahead of me, and my friend's morale was almost at a loss. I asked Mrs. Jessup if she ever considered 'hi' to be more important than The word 'fei' is easier to write, I don't want her to fall headfirst into my arms and crush the petals of an oleander I stuck in my buttonhole. I leaned over - but nothing happened.
"'If you don't mind,' I said, standing up, 'we'll wait until Paisley gets here. I've never done anything wrong to a friend, and it's not fair to do so now.'
"'Mr. Hicks,' said Mrs. Jessup, looking at me strangely in the dark, 'if it were not for some other reason, I would tell you to roll down the hill and never come into my hotel again.'
"'What kind of reason is that, ma'am?' I asked.
"'You'll make a good husband if you treat your friends so well,' she said.
"Within a few minutes, Paisley sat down beside Mrs. Jessup.
"'In the summer of 1998 at the Blue Light Restaurant in Yindu,' he began to tell the story, 'I saw Jim Bartholomew bite off a Chinaman's ear for a striped cotton shirt. That Shirt—what's the noise?"
"Mrs. Jessup and I have done what we left off.
"'Mrs. Jessup has agreed to marry Hicks,' I said, 'and this is another promise of hers.'
"Paisley sighed with his feet crossed over a chair leg.
"'Ryme,' said he, 'we've known each other for seven years. Don't you kiss Mrs. Jessup so loudly, will you? I wouldn't bother you just the same.'
"'Good!' I said, 'you can do it quietly.'
"'This Chinaman,' continued Paisley, 'is the man who shot Mullins in the spring of '97, and that case—'
"Paisley stopped talking.
"'Ryme,' said he, 'if you were really a friend, you shouldn't have held Mrs. Jessup so tight. The whole chair was shaking. You know you told me you would, if you had the chance. Let me be evenly divided.'
"'You sir,' said Mrs. Jessup, turning to Paisley, 'if, twenty-five years from now, you come to my silver wedding anniversary with Mr. Hicks, while the guests are toasting, Do you still want to squeeze this opportunity into your papaya head? Because you were a friend of Mr. Hicks, I have endured it for so long, but I think you should give up now and go down the mountain.'
"'Mrs. Jessup,' I said, embracing her as if I were fiancé, 'Mr. Paisley is still my friend. I did promise him that I would insist on fair play and equal opportunity whenever I had the chance. in principle.'
"'What chance!' said Mrs. Jessup. 'Well, let him think he has a chance. But after he's sat around and been through to-night, don't hope for it. .'
"Then, a month later, Mrs. Jessup and I were married at the Wesleyan Chapel in Los Pinos; the whole town shut up to watch.
"The two of us stood side by side in front, and when the pastor was about to announce the start of the ceremony, I looked around, but there was no sign of Paisley. I told the pastor to wait a moment. 'Paisley hasn't arrived yet,' I said, 'We must Gotta wait for him. Once a friend, never forget--that's what Telemachus Hicks was." Mrs. Jessup's eyes were burning with anger, but the minister listened to me and didn't read immediately. Out of the old opening line.
"Within a few minutes, Paisley hurried up, buttoning his cuffs as he crossed the aisle. He explained that the only dress shop in town was also closed for the wedding and he couldn't buy love. I was wearing this kind of starched shirt, so I had to walk around to the back door of the clothing store, break in through the window, and take one by myself. After speaking, he stood on the other side of the bride, and the wedding continued. I kept thinking Well, Paisley thought it was the last chance that if the pastor made a mistake, he would be paired with the widow.
"After the ceremony, we drank tea and ate antelope jerky and canned apricots, and the town slowly dispersed. Paisley was the last to go. He shook my hand and said I was a man of integrity and a true heart. He sincerely made friends with him, and said he was proud to have me as a friend.
"The pastor has a cottage on the street that's been trimmed up and ready to let; he's agreed to let me and Mrs. Hicks stay overnight and take the 10:40 train to El Paso the next morning for our honeymoon. The Vicar's wife had planted hollyhocks and kudzu all around the house, and it looked cheerful and cool at the same time.
"It was almost ten o'clock in the evening, and Mrs. Hicks was still busy in the house. I sat down at the gate and took off my boots to enjoy the shade. The light inside went out in a second; I sat still, and the scene The past was turbulent. Then Mrs. Hicks called out: 'Come in, Rhyme?'
"'Come on, come on!' I yelled, startled from sleep, 'Damn it, if it wasn't for old boy Paisley—'
"But just now," said Telemachus Hicks, ending his story, "I felt as though this left ear of mine had been blown away with a forty-five. Turning round Why, Mrs. Hicks is holding a broom stick in both hands, and it was the sap that ate her!"
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