Chapter 163 Letter Eleven from Mr. De Walmart

I did not write to you in your first hour of sorrow; if I did, it would have made you more miserable; and you will surely feel no better than I when you read these details from me.Today, perhaps those circumstances are worth keeping in mind for both of us.She has left me with countless memories, and I want to keep them all in my heart. After you see her, you will surely shed many tears for her; you will feel better if you cry.In spite of my misfortune, I have not had the fortune to weep like a wretched man, and therefore I suffer far more than you. It is not her illness that I want to talk to you about, but her person.When a child falls into the water, other mothers will immediately jump to save the child.Accidents, sickness, death, are things that come naturally: it is the common lot of mortals; , only Julie can have it.Her life was different from others; her death, it seems to me, was also different from others.All this can only be observed in detail by me, and you will only know it from me.

As you know, she was unconscious for a long time due to panic, excitement, diving, and struggling in the water for a long time, and she didn't fully wake up until she was brought home.As soon as she regained consciousness, she immediately asked how her son was doing, and he came forward: seeing that he was moving freely, and responding to her concern and caress, her heart was finally at ease, and she was willing to be quiet. rest for a bit.She woke up shortly after sleep, and before waiting for the doctor to arrive, she made us—Fonson, my cousin, and me—sit down around her bed.She talked to us about the children, saying that she must follow her method and pay attention to their education issues all the time, and not take it lightly, otherwise there will be danger.She wasn't too concerned about her own illness, but she anticipated that for a while she wouldn't be able to take care of the children the way she used to, and let us all share her responsibilities.

She explained in detail all her plans and yours, and the best method of carrying them out, and also spoke of some of her past views on them, and what was advantageous and which was not in favor of the present plan, Finally, she explains how we can do our part for her when she has to interrupt her motherhood.I was thinking at the time that this was not something someone who would recover from an illness in a few days seemed to be arranging funeral affairs, and what surprised me most was that she thought of Henriette especially. thoughtful.With her two sons, she only thought about their childhood, as if they would be taken care of when they grew up, but with her daughter, she thought about all stages for her.She believes that in terms of her daughter's education, no one can replace her in implementing the educational methods she summed up based on her personal experience. Therefore, she introduced her educational plan for her daughter to us in a simple, clear and orderly manner. , explained to Henriette's biological mother all the irrefutable reasons for formulating such a plan, and asked her cousin to implement it seriously.

She talked in detail about the education of the children and the responsibilities of mothers. At the same time, she narrated some of her own past events, and the more she talked, the more excited she became.I found her overly agitated.Claire put her cousin's hand on her mouth and kissed it, sobbing hard; Fang Song was also choked up and sobbing; and I found that there were tears in Julie's eyes, but she held back her tears for fear of being more frightened. us.Immediately I felt, "She knows she's going to die." My only hope was that she was overwhelmed with fright, thinking the danger might be greater than it really was.Unfortunately, I know her too well for her to make such a mistake.I tried to comfort her many times, told her not to get too excited, and begged her not to think too much, not to be sad for no reason, and to say some things when she recovered.She always answered me, "Oh! a woman suffers so much if she doesn't speak her mind, and besides, I feel a little feverish, and I'd like to talk nonsense while I'm feverish, but the nonsense is about useful things. , which is better than talking about useless things while awake."

The doctor came, and the whole family was in such a commotion that it is impossible to describe.The servants gathered at the door, eyes full of anxiety, hands clasped, waiting to hear the doctor's diagnosis of their mistress's condition, as if waiting to hear the sentence of their own fate.Poor Claire was so restless and manic at the sight, that I feared her brains would be wrecked.Every effort must be made to persuade the servants to leave, lest Claire be frightened by the panic in front of him.The doctor said a few vague words of hope, but from his tone, I knew there was little hope.Julie didn't say anything, because her cousin was there, and she was afraid of frightening her.When the doctor came out of the room, I followed; Claire tried to follow, but Julie stopped her and gave me a wink, which I understood.I hurriedly reminded the doctor that if the situation was not good, it must not be known to Mrs. de Albe, as it was hidden from Mrs. de Walmart herself, lest her despair lead to a nervous breakdown and make her suffer. Can no longer take care of her girlfriend.He said that his wife's condition is indeed very dangerous, but it has been less than 24 hours since the accident happened, and he has to observe for a period of time before he can make an accurate judgment; It will take three days to make a final judgment.Only Fangson heard the doctor's words, and it took me a lot of trouble to get her to promise not to speak out, and to speak in unison to Madame de Orbe and the rest of the family.

In the evening, Zhu Li insisted on sending her cousin to rest for a few hours, because she had kept watch all night and wanted to continue to watch.At this time, the patient learned that the doctor was going to bleed her feet and that the doctor was going to give her a prescription, so he asked the doctor to be called and said to the doctor: "Mr. It is a very humane practice to always hide this and that, and I agree with it very much. However, to treat all patients with medication and save them in this way, I think this method is superfluous, and it also makes people feel uncomfortable. It's very uncomfortable, even cruel, because many patients don't need to do this at all. You can cure me as you think I should treat you, and I will fully cooperate with you. However, if you prescribe some Soothing meds, that's unnecessary, because I'm sick physically, not mentally; I'm not afraid of the end of my life, but I'm afraid of not being able to make good use of the remaining days. The last days of life It is extremely precious and should not be spoiled. If you cannot prolong my life, then you should not deprive me of the last short time that nature has left for me, because in doing so, you are tantamount to shortening my life. I have so little time left. The shorter the time I have left, the more I should cherish it. It is best if it can be cured, but if it cannot be cured, leave me alone: ​​I will face death well." Such a A woman who is usually timid and gentle when she speaks, unexpectedly speaks so resolutely and forcefully at critical moments.

It was a very difficult night, a night of life and death.She had shortness of breath, chest tightness, fainted from time to time, her skin was dry and hot; she had a high fever, and she was always shouting to Malcedon with all her strength, as if she wanted to hold him tightly, and sometimes she also called her that she had a high fever before. Another person's name that was called repeatedly from time to time.The next day, the doctor told me bluntly that he estimated that she would not be able to delay it for three days.This dreadful news was known only to me; it was one of the most dreadful moments of my life, when I had to keep this secret to myself, but I was at a loss as to what to do.I wandered alone in the woods, thinking over and over what to do, and I couldn't help thinking sadly that I was approaching old age, and before I had tasted the happy and sweet life, I became a widowed old man, living in a desolate old age.

On the first day, I promised Julie to tell her the doctor's diagnosis in full, because she said many things to me that touched me very much, and I had to keep my promise.But I felt that my promise was really fulfilled, and I couldn't bear it.Do you really want to do this just because of a casual promise?To break her heart?Let her suffer and wait to die?What reason do I have to do this?Didn't announcing the date of death to her make her die faster?In such a short period of time, could she still have the elements of desire and hope that sustain life?When she knew she didn't have much time, would she still enjoy the last moments of her life?Do you want me to hasten her death?

I have never been so excited in my heart, and I walked up and down hurriedly.I walked on and on like this endlessly, sad and painful, hard to get rid of, and my heart felt like a big piece of lead, heavy and blocked.Finally, a thought finally flashed into my mind, which made me make up my mind.You don't have to guess what the idea is, let me tell you. Who am I thinking about?Is it for her or for me?On what basis do I think so?Is it according to her train of thought or according to my train of thought?What problems can be explained according to her thinking or my thinking?I believe that my thinking is correct, relying on only a few possibilities.Yes, no one can overthrow my idea, but how to prove it is correct?Her idea also has her reasons to prove its correctness, and she thinks her idea is correct has its basis, in her view, it is certain.What right had I to adopt in matters concerning her which I myself dubiously dismissed as she considered tried and tested?Let us compare the results of these two arguments.In her mind, she thought that what she did in the last moments of her life would determine her fate in the afterlife, and in my opinion, what I wanted to do for her would have nothing to do with her after three days.In my opinion, after three days, she felt nothing at all.However, if what she said was reasonable, the difference would be huge!That would be the difference between eternal good and eternal evil! ...if that's the case!Very possible!This is terrible... I said in my heart: "You unfortunate man, you would rather break your own heart than hers."

This is my first doubt about the skepticism that you have criticized many times.Since then, this doubt has repeatedly appeared in my mind.At any rate, this doubt will free me from the one that has been troubling me in the past.I therefore made up my mind at once, and, fearing that I might change it, I hurried to Julie's bedside.I told everyone to go out, and then I sat down, and you can imagine what I looked like.In front of her, I don't need to be cautious and cautious in my words like in front of narrow-minded people.But before I opened my mouth, she saw me, and she knew it in her heart. "Do you mean to tell me what the doctor said?" she said, holding out her hand to me. "No, my friend, I feel it: death is imminent, and it is time for us to say goodbye."

Then she told me many things, which I shall tell you some day; and as she spoke, she imprinted her last words on my heart.If I didn't know her heart before, her last words were enough to make me know it. She asked if the rest of my family knew what was going on with her.I told her that everyone was worried, but the exact situation was not known, and Dr. Du Bosson only told me the situation.She asked me to keep this news strictly confidential for the rest of the day.She then added: "Claire can only take this if I tell her, and if anyone else tells her, it will kill her. I decided to do this sad but necessary thing tonight. It is for this reason that I want to know exactly what the doctor said, lest poor Clare should be given a serious blow to the innocent by my own feelings. Before tonight, try not to let her have Doubt, or you will lose a friend, and the children will lose a mother." She talked to me about her father.I admitted to her that I sent someone to deliver the letter to him, but I didn't dare to tell her that the person I sent didn't follow my instructions to deliver the letter to her father. , told it all, and said it so badly that my old friend thought his daughter had drowned, and fell down the stairs, badly wounded, and was bedridden at Blonnay. .Julie wanted to see her father very much, but I was convinced that this hope was in vain. The pain was not small, so I had to suppress it. The high fever of the previous night had intensified and had left her terribly weak.After such a long conversation today, she was even more exhausted, so she wanted to rest during the day; I didn't know until the third day that she didn't sleep at all during the day. During this period, an atmosphere of sadness and desolation prevailed in the home.All of them were sad and silent, and they all hoped that others would help them get rid of this painful situation, but no one dared to ask more, for fear of hearing news they didn't want to hear.Everyone was thinking in their hearts: "If there is any good news, others will tell you eagerly. If it is bad news, it is better to know it later." They were all terrified, so it was better not to tell them. .During this sad and helpless waiting, only Madame de Orbe was busy and talking.When she occasionally left Julie's room, she didn't go back to rest. Instead, she wandered around the room, stopping and asking everyone, to see if the doctor had said anything, and to see what everyone was talking about.On the first night, she stayed by the patient's side. She saw everything, and it was impossible not to understand the situation. However, she always wanted to deceive herself and deny what she saw.The people who were asked answered her well, which made her keep asking people when she saw her, and everyone saw her anxious and terrified look, even if they knew the truth, they didn't dare to tell her. up. But before Zhu Li's sick bed, she was trying her best to control herself. When she saw the poor patient, she felt distressed and uncomfortable, but she dared not show it.She was particularly afraid that Julie would see her frightened and uneasy, but she couldn't hide her panic well.Even when she is pretending to be calm, you can vaguely see her uneasy expression.As for Julie, she is also pretending to be nonchalant, as if the danger is over and she just needs some time to recover.It hurts my heart to see both of them trying to comfort the other, because I know very well that neither of them has any hope of making the other happy. Madame de Horbe had been up two nights; she had not undressed and gone to bed for three days.Julie kept telling her to go and rest for a while, but she didn't listen at all.Then Julie said: "Okay then! Someone will give her a small bed in my room, or else," Julie added as if thinking about it, "let her sleep in the same bed with me. What do you think, cousin? My disease is not contagious, and you won't dislike me, so you can sleep with me." Claire actually agreed.As for me, they drove me away, but, to be honest, I really needed a break too. The next day, I got up early in the morning.I was always uneasy, always afraid that something would happen at night, so as soon as I heard a noise from Julie's side, I immediately ran into her room.From the way Madame de Orbe had behaved the previous day, I expected to see her depressed and irritable.But when I walked into the room, I saw her sitting in an armchair, her face was pale, exhausted, even ashen, her eyes were dark circles, and her eyes were straight, but there was still warmth in her eyes, calm , She didn't talk much, she just did what she was asked to do without saying a word.As for Julie, she seemed to have more strength than the day before, and she spoke more forcefully and moved more flexibly, as if she had taken away her cousin's spirit.From the look on her face, I knew that this improvement was only a superficial phenomenon, caused by a fever. However, I also found that there was some mysterious joy in her eyes that I couldn't describe. The reason for her good complexion.What is the reason, I don't know.The doctor's diagnosis also said that she was in the same condition as the day before, and the patient agreed with him. I feel that there is no hope at all. They insisted on letting me go out for a while, and when I came back, I found that the room had been tidy and elegant; there were a few potted flowers on the fireplace, the curtains were slightly drawn and tied, and the air had been changed. There was a clear fragrance in the room, and it didn't feel like a patient's room at all.As usual, she combed and washed carefully. Although she dressed casually, she looked elegant and generous. She looked like a high-class lady who was waiting for the arrival of the guests. Like a village woman waiting for death to come.Seeing the astonishment on my face, she smiled slightly.She saw what I was thinking at a glance, and was about to answer me when the children were ushered in.So she devoted herself to them; and, as you can imagine, knowing that she was dying, her caresses for the children were both tender and restrained.I even found her repeatedly kissing the son she had saved at the cost of her own life, as if she should have treasured him all the more for having paid so much. The poor children knew nothing of the reasons for their mother's kisses, sighs, or excitement.They loved their mother, but that was the love of children their age: they knew nothing of their mother's illness, of the kisses and caresses she had for her, of her regret at never seeing them again; Seeing that we looked very sad, they started to cry, no matter how many more, they didn't know it at all.Although we teach children the word "death," they don't know what death is; they fear death neither for themselves nor for others; they fear pain rather than death.When they saw their mother moaning in pain, they screamed; if they were told they were going to lose their mother, you'd find them staring blankly.Only Henriette is different. After all, she is a little older, and she is a girl, and her emotions and intelligence develop earlier. When she sees a good mother who always gets up earlier than the children on weekdays, but now she is still lying on the bed, Can not help but feel uneasy and surprised.I remember that Julie had her own opinion on this, and she was quite contemptuous of Vespasian's stupid vanity of staying in bed when he could, and getting up when he couldn't do anything."I don't know if an emperor should be standing when he dies, but I do know that the matriarch of a family should only lie in bed when she dies," she said. After throwing all her maternal love over them, she hugged and kissed each of them one by one, especially Henriette, who hugged and caressed the longest, and I heard her receiving the kisses of the good mother. When, weeping sadly.Then she called the three children together, blessed them, and pointing to Mrs. d'Holbe, she said to them: "Go, children, go and kneel before your mother, whom God has given you." , God did not let you lose your mother." As soon as the children heard this, they immediately ran to Mrs. de Orbe, knelt down, took her hands, and called her good mother, second mother.Claire leaned down and took them in her arms, unable to speak a word, but sobbing, with chest tightness and shortness of breath.You can imagine how excited Julie must be!It was unbearable to see this situation, so I quickly pulled them away. After the tearful excitement subsided, everyone gathered around the sick bed to talk again.Although Julie's spirit is not very good because of the persistent high fever, it can be seen that she still has a satisfied look on her face: she talks about everything seriously and with great interest, as if there is nothing on her mind, frankly and casually ; she talked about everything, as if she had nothing to do but talk.She proposed that they dine in her room so that they could spend more time with us; and, as you can guess, we gladly accepted.The servants set the table and brought the food without making a sound, without making a mistake, all in the same order and order as in the Apollo Hall.Fang Song and the children also ate at the same table with us.Seeing our loss of appetite, Julie tried every means to make us eat more: for a while, she said that the cook wanted us to taste it, for a while, she said she wanted to taste it herself, and for a while, she told us to eat well so that we would be strong and healthy. Serving her, in short, she is doing everything possible to make us eat more, so as to dispel the cloud of sorrow that hangs over our hearts.To be honest, even a healthy and hospitable housewife is not as careful, considerate, and touching when entertaining guests as Julie was when she was dying.I thought something was going to happen, but nothing happened, and what I saw really surprised me.I just can't figure out what's going on, my mind is confused. After dinner, the servant came to report that the priest had come.The priest is like an old friend of our family, and he often visits us.This time, I didn't invite him, because Julie didn't ask for him, but, to be honest, I was really glad in my heart to see him.I'm sure not even the most fanatical believer would be as happy to see him at this moment as I am.His coming will unravel many mysteries and free me from confusion. Just think about what made me decide to tell Julie that she was dying.I thought that this bad news would inevitably cause her to panic, but I never thought that her reaction was completely beyond my expectation!what!This devout woman who meditated and prayed all day when she was in good health, when she was about to undergo a terrible trial with only two days left in her life, instead of recalling and introspecting, she was interested in tidying up the room and dressing up. Gossiping with friends, exhorting everyone to eat delicious food, and, in the conversation, not a word about God and the salvation of the soul!What do I think of her and her true feelings?How do I reconcile this behavior of hers with my previous devout thoughts of her?How to unite the last moments of her life so preciously with the last moments she told the doctor?I'm really puzzled by all of this.Although she wasn't one to pretend to be religious, it always seemed to me that I should be thinking about what she considered very important and urgent.If a person devotes himself to religion in the hustle and bustle of the world, how can he become impious when he is about to leave the world and can only think of another world? This kind of thinking has allowed me to reach a realm that I didn't expect.I was almost beginning to feel uneasy, fearing that my stubbornly held views were having a great effect on her.Although I don't agree with her point of view, I don't want her to abandon all her views.If I fell ill, then I would definitely die by sticking to my point of view, so I also hope to see her die with her own beliefs. I can say that I am more worried about her than I am about myself.You'll find this ambivalence ridiculous; I don't think it makes sense either, but the ambivalence is real.I'm not trying to argue with this, I'm just telling you the truth. At last the moment of dispelling doubts came, because it was easy to predict that sooner or later the priest would lead the conversation to the goal for which the clergy were constantly striving; no matter how much Julie talked about him, she refused to reveal her truth Feelings, but as long as I listen attentively and prepare to listen, it will be difficult for her to hide her true thoughts. Sure enough, I didn't expect it.I will not repeat the abbe's general compliments and touching remarks about the happiness of ending a man's life as a Christian, before proceeding to the subject.Then he said that she did sometimes find her views on certain points contrary to teaching, that is to say, not quite in line with what a sound mind would interpret from the Bible, but since she was not obstinate He hoped that she would die as she had been, with her faithful faithful, and in every way sympathetic to the faith they had professed. Julie's answer is the key to solving my doubts. Although they are some commonplaces, they are not preaching after all, so I will reproduce them almost verbatim for you.I listened so carefully to what she said, and I wrote it all down at the time: "My lord priest, please allow me to thank you for your painstaking efforts to lead me to the correct path of virtue and faith in Christ. Thank you for persuading me when I went astray, helping me to correct my mistakes, or helping me I have endured my mistakes. I am deeply impressed by your warm help and kindness, and I am happy to confess to you: You made me do what I did right, and you exhorted me to do good deeds and believe in the truth. "I live in Jesus, and I will die in it, because Jesus taught the Bible and reason as its only standard; I agree with my heart and say what I think; if sometimes I don't say it to you If I obey the teachings of my Lord, it is because I hate all pretense: I will never say I believe what I cannot believe; I am always sincerely seeking that which is in line with the glory and truth of my Lord. In my I may have made detours in my quest; I dare not boast that I am infallible: I may be often wrong, but my intentions are pure, and what I say I believe is true in my heart Believe it. I myself can be my own master on this point. God is gracious and right not to enlighten my reason to do beyond my power; since he has not endowed me with such ability, how can he ask me for this? "My lord priest, this is the main part of what I want to tell you about my faith. As for the other questions, my present situation has answered for me for me. I am mentally ill and unconscious due to high fever. Under such circumstances, how can I express what I want to say like when I am clear-headed? If I can’t avoid making mistakes, will I say less mistakes today? Can I control things that I don’t believe in when I’m in good health? It’s rationality that decides people’s opinions, but I’m not clear-headed now, what right do I have to ask a person with a blurred mind to agree with me in this state? What can I accept next time? What should I do in the future? I will firmly believe in what I believed in before, because my true subjective intention has not changed, but my judgment is worse. If I make a mistake , that wasn't my intention; that way, I don't have to worry about my beliefs. "As for the psychological preparation for death, my lord priest, I have already made this kind of preparation. It is true that I have not done it well, but I have tried my best, and it has exceeded the extent allowed by my current situation. I have already done so. Just try to do this important work as hard as you can, lest you will be unable to do it if you procrastinate. When I was well, I prayed all the time. Now I resign myself to fate. Patience is the prayer of the sick. To be honest is to be mentally prepared for death. When I talk to you, when I meditate alone, when I work hard to accomplish the task God has given me, I think I am ready to face God, and I worship God with all the strength He has given me. He. But now, my strength has been exhausted, what else can I do? Can my chaotic mind still communicate with him? Am I worthy of dedicating my dying life, tortured by illness, to him? No My lord priest, he bids me leave the rest of my life to those whom I have loved, and from whom he now bids me part; I will say goodbye to them, and go to God again; They, for soon I shall be concerned only with God. My last pleasure in this world is also my last duty: To fulfill the mission which man has entrusted to me, before leaving Is His will accomplished? I am not panicked, why should I think of calm? I have a clear conscience, and if I do sometimes have a conscience, it is when I am in good health, not now. I believe in God, and that is My conscience is cleared away, my conscience is telling me that no matter how big a mistake I make, God still has mercy on me, so the closer I am to Him, the more at ease I feel. I will never fear To be punished, and after having done something wrong, to run before God and make a perfunctory false, delayed confession, which is insincere, a trap, and designed to deceive God. The last days of my life, Satisfied with pain and sorrow, sick and in pain, dying someday, and I will only give this remaining life to God when I can no longer use it, and I will give it all Dedicated to God, though my life has been full of sins and mistakes, it has been free from the remorse of the unbelievers and the crimes of the wicked. "What kind of torture will God make my soul suffer? It is said that those who are rejected by God will hate God; so, does God insist that I not love him? I am not afraid of being beaten into being rejected by God. You are the eternal being, the embodiment of wisdom, the source of life and happiness, the creator of mankind, the ruler, the father, the king of all things, omnipotent and kind, I have not for a moment Having doubted you, I am loving life under your care! I know that I am about to stand before your holy chariot for trial, and I am glad for it. In a few days, my soul will fly away Body, begin to devote my eternal homage to you more devoutly, to bring happiness to my eternal life. What will I become before this time comes! I don't think so. My body still has life, but my The spiritual activity is over. I have reached the end of my life, my past has been judged by God. All I can do now is to suffer and wait for death. This is the natural law and cannot be resisted. However, I will try to make myself I had no time to think about death while I was alive, and now that death is coming, I greet it without fear. But whoever sleeps peacefully in the arms of a loving father never wants to wake up again." These words, when she began to speak, her voice was low and steady, and then she kept raising her voice and raising her voice, which left a deep impression on everyone present, including me, especially when she spoke, her eyes twinkled With a supernatural light.Her cheeks were flushed again, she was radiant, and if there was anything in the world that could be called heavenly, it was the reflection of heavenly splendor in the expression of her face as she spoke. Even the priest himself was very pleasantly surprised after hearing her words. He stretched out his arms, looked up to the sky, and shouted loudly: "Great Lord, this is the way to truly worship you. May you bless her." , there are not many people who have dedicated to you like her." "Madame," said the abbe, approaching the sickbed, "I thought I had come to teach you, but it was you who taught me. I have nothing more to teach you. You serve God sincerely, You are therefore in the favor of God. With this precious peace of mind and a clear conscience, you will never go wrong. I have seen many Christians dying like you, but as calm as you , but you are the only one I have seen. What a difference between this calm face of death and the remorseful prayers of sinners who do not deserve God's forgiveness! Madame, your death is as important as your life. To be admired: You lived for good deeds, and you will die for motherly love. Whether God calls you back to us to be our example, or calls you back to him to reward your virtue, we都想像您一样地活着，并像您一样地死去！我们将深信会在来生获得幸福。” 神甫想告辞了，但被她留住。“您是我的朋友中的一个，”她对他说道，“是我最高兴见到的人中的一个，正是为了他们，我觉得自己最后的时刻才如此的珍贵。我们即将长久地分离了，所以我不想我们这么快就分手。”神甫非常高兴地留下来，而我则就借此机会走出了朱丽的房间。 当我回来时，我发现他俩仍旧在继续刚才的话题，但说话的语气却有所不同，仿佛是在谈论一件无关紧要的事情。神甫谈及人们对于基督教的错误理解，把它视做垂危之人的宗教，把神甫看做是不祥的人。他说道：“人们把我们视为死神的使者，因为大家普遍认为只需作一刻钟的忏悔，就可以把五十年的罪恶一笔勾销，所以大家只是在这十五分钟的忏悔时刻，才想看见我们。我们必须身着黑服，必须道貌岸然，大家竞相把我们描绘得越可怕越好。在其他的宗教里，情况更糟。天主教徒临终之前，周围摆满了令他毛骨悚然的东西，还没死，就得亲眼目睹人们为他所举办的葬礼。在人们为他所举办的驱魔除妖的法事中，他所看见的反倒是满屋子的妖魔鬼怪；法事尚未结束，他早已吓得魂飞魄散，活不成了；教会就这么地在折磨他，恐吓他，以榨取他更多的钱财。”只见朱丽插言道：“让我们感谢上苍没有让我们信仰这种宗教吧，它是谋财害命的宗教，它把天堂卖给富人，让他们把人间的贫富不均带到另一个世界去。我毫不怀疑，所有这些邪念恶想一定会引起人们向它们宣扬的宗教的疑虑与厌恶的。”然后，她又看着我说道：“我希望将要教育我们孩子的那个人采取完全相反的理念，不要总是把宗教与死亡紧密地联系在一起，把宗教弄得像是既可怖又悲伤的东西。如果此人能教会孩子们好好地生活，他们就会很好地对待死亡的问题的。” 随后的谈话，没有我写给您的那么连贯一气，句句相接，中间多有停顿中断。我从中终于领悟到朱丽的行为准则，以及她让我颇为吃惊的种种行为举止的原因。她之所以如此，是因为她已经感觉到自己病体康复无望，尽量地在避免那些使人联想到举办丧事的无益的做法，免得使周围气氛悲悲切切，这或许是为了使我们减少悲痛，或者是不想让自己看到可悲情景，徒生悲伤。她说道：“死已经是很伤心悲痛的了，为什么还要让它变得可憎可恶呢？别人想方设法地要苟延残喘，我则要把生命享受到最后的一刻：问题就在于知道如何拿定主意，其他一切则顺其自然。当我最后的愿望是要把自己所有亲爱的人聚集在我的房间里时，我又怎能把我的房间变成一间病房，令人厌恶，让人厌烦？如果我让我的房间里气氛悲凉，空气浑浊的话，我就得把我的孩子们赶出房间，否则会使他们的健康受到损害。如果我的穿着打扮让人望而生畏，那么谁都认不出我来了；我就不再是原来的模样了；你们大家虽然都能记得我是你们最亲爱的人，但却无法忍受我的那副模样；尽管我还活着，但我仿佛是个死人一样令大家害怕，甚至让我的朋友们恐惧。因此，我不能这么做，我找到了办法扩大自己生命的影响，而不是要延长自己的生命。我还活着，我还在爱，我也在被大家爱着，我将活到生命最后的一息。死亡的那一刻并没有什么可怕；自然的痛苦算不了什么；我去除了一般人所说的种种痛苦。” 这些话以及其他一些类似的话，都是病中的朱丽与神甫间的对话，有时候是她同医生、芳松和我交谈时说的。德·奥尔伯夫人谈话时始终在场，但她却从不插一言。她一心关注着她的女友的情况，看她一有什么需要，便马上走上前去相帮。其他时候，她则呆立不动，几乎毫无生气，一声不吭地注视着病人，也不去听大家都在说些什么。 就我来说，我一直担心朱丽说话太多，太伤神，我便趁神甫与医生交谈时，走到她的病榻前，俯在她的耳边，悄悄地对她说道：“病人说这么多话会伤身子的！一个以为自己已丧失思维能力的人怎么讲出那么多的道理来啊！” “是呀，”她轻声细语地跟我说，“对于一个病人来说，我是说得太多了，过不了多久，我就不再说话了。至于那番道理，那并不是我现在想到的，而是我以前就考虑过的。我身体健康时就已经知道人终归是要死的。我当时就经常在考虑我病重之时该怎么做，我今天只不过是把自己预想到的说出来而已。我现在已是既不能再思考又不能做出什么决定；我只是把自己曾经想到的说出来，实践自己曾经决定了的事情。” 那一天的其余时间，除了几件小事而外，一切都很平静，几乎如同大家身体好时一样地在各忙各的。朱丽如同身体健康时一样，温柔可爱，说起话来依然是慢条斯理，思维敏捷，情绪稳定，有时还挺快活的样子。最后，我觉察出她的眼睛里闪现着某种令我越来越感到担心焦虑的快乐神情，我于是便决定向她问出个究竟来。 我没等多久，当晚便有了机会。她看出我想单独与她谈谈，便对我说道：“我早已看出您的心思了，而我也正要同您谈谈哩。”我应声道：“那太好了，不过，既然是我先想到的，那就让我先说吧。” 于是，我便在她身旁坐下来，目不转睛地注视着她说：“朱丽，我亲爱的朱丽！您让我的心好痛呀！唉！您怎么拖到现在才让我有机会与您单独地谈一谈呀！是的，”我见她吃惊地望着我，便继续说道，“我已经猜透了您的心思；您对离去很乐观；您对离开我感到心里轻松。您想一想我俩共同生活以来，我的一举一动，一言一行吧；我有什么地方做得不对的，让您对我这么绝情呀？”她立刻握住我的双手，用她那动人心弦的声音说：“谁？我？我想离开您？您就是这么猜透我的心思的吗？您难道这么快就忘了我们昨天的谈话了吗？”我便说：“可是，您都快要走了，还这么高兴……我都看出来了……我看得很清楚……”她打断我说：“好了，别说了。是呀，我要高高兴兴地走，不过，我过去怎么活着，现在就怎么走，要走得无愧于是您的妻子。别再多问我什么了，问了我也不会再跟您说什么的，不过，这儿有件东西，您看了后，什么都明白了，”她边说边从枕头底下拿出一张纸来。那是一封信，我看得出，那是写给您的。“这封信没有封口，”她把信递给我说，“以便您看完之后，根据您所认为的既符合您的心意又能维护我的荣耀的方式做出决断，是寄走还是销毁。我只求您等我走了之后再看它。我完全相信您是会照我所说的去做的，所以我想让您对我做出保证。”亲爱的圣普乐，我已把她的那封信夹在我的这封信中，随信附上。尽管我明知写此信的人已死去，可我却无法相信她已不在人间了。 然后，她又忧心忡忡地跟我谈起了她的父亲。“怎么！”她说道，“他知道他女儿生命垂危，可我却没听到有人提起过他！他是不是出什么事了？他是不是不再爱我了？怎么！我的父亲！……如此慈祥的父亲……竟然这样地撇下我不管了！……让我连见他一面都没有就这么走了……连一声祝福都没有……连最后的吻别拥抱都没有……啊，上帝！当他再也见不到我时，他该是多么伤心懊悔呀！……”她说这番话时，心里非常的痛苦。我猜想，让她知道她父亲在生病比让她认为她父亲对她漠不关心要好受一些。于是，我便决定把情况如实地告诉她。果不其然，她得知她父亲的真实情况之后，虽然也很担忧，但要比她原先的疑惧要好得多。然而，一想到再也见不到自己的父亲了，毕竟还是十分伤感的。“唉！”她叹息道，“我死了之后，他可怎么办呀？他还有什么希望呀？他的亲人都死了，他还能活得下去吗！……他怎么活呀？他将孤苦伶仃，活也活不长的。”这一时刻是死亡的恐惧突显的时刻之一，父女之情重又占了上风的时刻之一。她叹了口气，双手握在一起，抬眼望着上方；我发现她确实是像她所说的病入膏肓的人那样在艰难地祈祷着。 然后，她又扭过脸来看着我说：“我已经感到心有余而力不足了。我想，这可能是我俩之间的最后一次交谈了。请您看在我俩夫妻一场的份儿上，看在我俩结合的结晶——我们可爱的孩子们的份儿上，别再错怪您的妻子了。您说我会高高兴兴地离您而去吗！您一直在为使我幸福和聪慧而活着，您是所有男人中最适合于我的人，也许还是唯一能使我成为贤妻良母的人，我怎能舍得离开您呀！唉！请您相信，如果说我如此珍惜生命，那完全是为了能与您生活在一起。”她如此动情的这番话让我激动得不停地把握在我手中的她的双手送到嘴边亲吻着，我感觉到她的一双纤纤玉手上沾满了我的泪水。我一直认为自己是不会流泪的，这次可是我有生以来头一次也将是我直到死之前的最后一次流泪。为朱丽洒下热泪之后，我不会再因任何事情流泪了。 这一天可是让她够累的。头天夜晚同德·奥尔伯夫人长谈，上午同孩子们说话，下午同神甫交谈，晚上又同我单独絮谈，结果把她给弄得精疲力竭，疲惫不堪。这一夜，她比头几天夜晚睡得多一点，这也许是筋疲力尽所致，也许是高烧确实已退的缘故。 第二天上午，仆人通报说，有一位衣衫破旧的人急切地想求见夫人。仆人告诉他说夫人玉体欠佳，不便待客，可此人却一味地坚持，说是事关一件善行义举，说他非常了解德·沃尔玛夫人的人品，还说，只要她还有一口气，她就会做这类善事的。由于朱丽早就做出过绝不容许违犯的规定，不许拒绝任何人的请求，特别是穷苦人，所以仆人便先来向我禀报，看是否该把此人打发走。我叫仆人让他进来。此人几乎衣衫褴褛，一脸穷苦相，说话可怜巴巴的，不过，我却也没发现他的外貌和话语有什么让我对他起疑的地方。他坚持只愿与朱丽单独谈。我便对他说道，如果只是为了某种接济以维持生活的话，就不必打扰一个生命垂危的女人了，我就可以替她解决这件事的。“不，”他说道，“我绝不是来讨钱的，尽管我极需要钱：我是来讨一个属于我的财产，一个比世上任何东西都更加珍贵的、因我一时糊涂而痛失的财宝，只有尊夫人才能使我失而复得，因为这个财宝是她赐予我的。” 他的这番话弄得我莫名其妙，但我还是决定让他去见朱丽。一个心怀叵测之人也会说出这同样的一番话来的，但是，却不会说出他这样的语气。他要求保密，不得让男仆女佣们知晓。我觉得他如此谨小慎微好生奇怪，但我还是照他说的做了。我把他领到朱丽的房间。他跟我说德·奥尔伯夫人认识他，但当他从德·奥尔伯夫人面前走过时，她却根本没有认出他来，但我却并未因此而太惊讶。而朱丽就一下子认出了他来；见他那身破衣烂衫，朱丽便责怪我为何没替他找身衣服换上。他俩相见时的场面十分感人。克莱尔听到动静，也惊醒过来，走上前去，终于认出此人来，立刻面带笑容，喜形于色。不过，她的高兴劲儿转瞬即逝，因为她的心为深深的痛苦所累，这种痛苦的心情压过了一切，使她对任何事情都漠然置之了。 我想，我用不着告诉您他是何许人也。他的出现勾起了许许多多的回忆。但是，当朱丽在对他百般安慰，鼓励他要有信心时，她突然心里一阵憋闷，情况十分不妙，我以为她马上就要咽气了。为了不引起麻烦，免得大家在抢救朱丽时陷入一片混乱，我便让他到书房里去待着，把门关好。芳松被叫了来；经过一段救治，朱丽终于从昏厥中清醒了过来。见我们大家一个个满面愁容地围在她的病榻前，她便对我们说道：“好心的诸位，这只不过是一时的头晕而已，没你们想的那么严重。” 一切复为平静，但毕竟是一阵恐慌，令我惊魂难定，竟把来人给忘在书房中了。当朱丽悄声问我那个人呢时，餐桌都摆好了，大家都坐在了餐桌旁了。我便想去书房同那人谈谈，但他已照我的吩咐，把房门从里面锁住，我只好等到饭后再叫他出来了。 用餐时，杜波松也在。他谈到一位据说正要改嫁的年轻寡妇，对寡妇们的悲惨命运大发了一通感慨。我便说：“比这更可悲的还有许多许多，她们的丈夫还活着，自己却在守活寡。”芳松听出这是在指她，便接过去说道：“这倒不假，特别是当她们还深爱着自己的丈夫的时候。”于是，话题便转到她丈夫的头上。她过去谈到自己的丈夫时总是充满了爱意，现在她的女主人、她的恩人即将撒手人寰，所以，此时此刻，她将失去自己的女主人，一旦提起她的丈夫，她便感到更加的痛心。她用一些十分感人的词语在讲述着，盛赞她丈夫脾气温顺，和蔼可亲，斥责那些把她丈夫带坏的人。她深深地想念着丈夫，说到动情处，泪水止不住地哗哗流了下来。突然间，书房门打开了，那个衣衫褴褛的人一下子冲了出来，扑跪在她的面前，抱住她的双腿，哭成了个泪人。芳松手里拿着一只杯子；杯子抖落，摔在地上。她大声地喝问道：“啊！不幸的人呀！你从哪儿跑来的？”她的身子不由自主地向他俯了下去，要不是大家眼疾手快扶住了她，她将瘫倒在地。 随后的情况不说也可以想象得出来。霎时间，全家上上下下全都知道克洛德·阿奈特来了。善良的芳松的丈夫回来了！真是大喜的日子！不一会儿工夫，他里里外外换了个一身新。如果大家每人只有两件衬衣的话，那阿奈特那一天一个人就拥有在座的人那么多的衬衣。当我走出去让人给他拿衣服时，我发现大家都在争相给他送衣服，我只好摆出主人的威风，让大家把自己的衣服拿回去。 芳松仍待在那儿，不愿离开自己的女主人。为了让她与丈夫一起待上几个小时，我便借口说孩子们需要呼吸点新鲜空气，让她与她丈夫领孩子们到外面去。 这个场面不像先前的那几件事那样让病人感到疲劳不适。她非常的开心，精神似乎也好了许多。下午，只有克莱尔和我陪着她；我们平静地交谈了两个小时，她谈得挺起劲，交谈得很愉快，我们还从未有过这么愉快而有趣的谈话哩。 她首先谈起了刚才的那个动人的、令她回忆起青春年华时的种种美好事情的情景。随后，她按照先后次序，对她整个一生作了简短的回顾，并指出，总体而言，她的一生是温馨甜蜜的，幸运的，一点一滴地享受到了在这个世界上所能享受到的最大的幸福，而在她生命的旅程中，这突然夺去她生命的意外，从种种迹象看来，是她生活中的善与恶的分水岭。 她感谢上苍赋予了她一颗多情多义的向善的心，赋予了她健全的智力、和蔼可亲的面容，感谢上苍让她生在一个自由的国度，不受他人的奴役，使她诞生在一个体面的家庭而非一个恶人歹徒的家庭、使她诞生在一个小康富足的家庭而非一个腐蚀心灵的富豪之家，或者一个令她抬不起头来的贫穷家庭。她庆幸自己的父母双亲道德高尚、心地善良，正直而富有荣誉感，互相取长补短，按照他们的道德标准来培养她的理智，而又不让她受到他们的缺点和偏见的影响。她夸耀自己受到了一种合情合理的、健康的宗教教育，这种宗教非但未使人变得愚昧无知，反而使人变得高尚而纯洁，它既不赞同亵渎宗教，也不赞成宗教狂热，它既让人变得明智而有信仰，又让人富于人道而又谦恭虔诚。 说完之后，她紧握住她一直拉着的她表姐的手，用您非常熟悉的、但又因虚弱无力而显得倦怠的更惹人怜惜的目光看着她表姐说：“所有这些财富，上帝也赐予了千千万万的人，但是，唯独这个财富！……上苍只赐给了我。我是女人，我有一个女友。上苍让我们同时出生；上苍让我们心相印习相近，从不发生矛盾；他让我们双方心里只装着对方；当我们尚在襁褓之中时，他就把我们紧紧地结合在了一起；在我一生中的每时每刻，我都把她挂在心间，她的手将为我合上眼睛。这种范例世上绝无仅有，否则我也不会这么夸耀了。她给我提出了多少明智的忠告啊！她从多少危险之中拯救过我啊！她为我抚平了多少的痛苦啊！没有她，我会落到何种地步啊！我要是多听她的话，又怎能犯那么多的过错啊！也许我今天的所作所为没有辱没她。”克莱尔没有应声，只是把头埋在她女友的怀中，想以泪水来减轻心中的哀伤，但却无济于事。朱丽也静默不语，只是久久地紧搂住她。此时此刻，二人既默然无语，又未流泪。 待二人平静下来之后，朱丽继续说道：“这些财富之中也夹杂着一些不利之处，人世间的事均皆如此。我的心灵为爱而生，它对我自己要求甚严，对世人所言之种种财富却看得很淡。家父的偏见与我的性格几乎是无法调和的。我需要自己选择我所爱之人。此人主动向我示爱，但我却认为是我选择他的。无疑，这是上苍为我选择他的，以便我虽受错误情感的驱使，但却不致犯下可怕的罪孽，使我在感情平复之后，心中至少还保留着对美德的爱。他谈吐文雅，娓娓动听，每天每日，成百上千的骗子都用这种语言在勾引无数的良家女子，但是，只有他是个例外，他是个正直的男人，想什么就说什么。是我因具有火眼金睛才选中他的吗？不是的，一开始我只注意到他的言谈话语，我为之倾倒。我因身不由己而做出了其他女人因厚颜无耻而做的事来：用我父亲的话来说，我是投怀送抱；他对我非常尊重。只是到这时，我才真正地相中了他。但凡尊重女人的男人，都具有一颗美好的心灵，所以这种男人我是可以托付终身的。不过，我先是信赖他，然后我却放心大胆地信赖起我自己来，而我失足的原因也正在于此。” 随后，她便对这个情人的人品津津乐道地大加赞扬开来；她的赞扬并非言过其实，但我们不难看出她是真心实意地想赞扬他的。甚至，为了赞扬他，她竟不惜贬低自己。为了还他以公道，她宁愿委屈自己，为了维护他的荣誉，她竟把错全揽到自己身上。她甚至强调指出，他对通奸野合比她更厌恶，说他早就批驳过这种行径。 她一生中的其他一切事情，她也都以这同样的态度在谈论着。爱德华绅士、她丈夫、她的孩子们、您的归来、我们的友谊等等，她全都不乏溢美之词。甚至她的不幸，她也认为是因祸得福，使她躲过了更大的不幸。在她处境极其艰难之时，她失去了母亲，这种损失本来是极其严重的，但是，如果上苍真的为她保留了母亲的话，她的家庭很快就会天下大乱了的。有她母亲在，尽管她母亲的支持微不足道，但却会给她增添力量和勇气，去与父亲抗衡，结果是，全家乱了套，家丑外扬，甚至祸事不断，门风丧尽，如果她兄弟还活着的话，情况也许会更糟。后来，她违心地嫁给了她并不爱的一个男人，但她强调指出，同另一个男人在一起，甚至同她曾经热恋的那个男人在一起，她都绝不会像现在这么幸福的。德·奥尔伯先生的去世使她失去了一位朋友，但却把她的女友还给了她。甚至她的忧虑与痛苦，她都认为是好事而非坏事，因为它们能让她心软仁慈，同情别人的不幸。她说道：“对自己的痛苦与他人的痛苦同样地同情怜惜是多么的令人释怀啊！对别人的同情往往能使人产生某种满意的感情，那是财富和运道所无法产生的。我曾叹息过多少次啊！我曾流下多少的泪水啊！唉！如果我能在同样的环境之中再生的话，我唯一不愿再犯的就是我曾做过的那件错事。不过，我曾忍受的那份痛苦也可能仍然让我感到愉快的。”圣普乐，我这是在转述她的原话；等您看了她的信之后，您也许会更明白她的意思的。 她接着说道：“你们看到了吧，我到达了什么样的幸福境界了。我得到了许多的幸福，我期待着获得更多的幸福。我的家庭将兴旺发达，我的孩子们将会获得良好的教育，我所爱的人全都聚在我的身边或即将聚在我的身边。我现在很幸福，将来也很幸福；我既享受着现在又憧憬着未来，我心里好喜欢啊。我的幸福一点一滴地在聚集，最终达到了顶峰，现在它该往下跌落了；我的幸福是不期而至的，当我认为它会是长久的时，它却逃跑了。命运该如何安排才能使我长久幸福呢？一个人能永久地处在一种状态吗？不，一个人什么都得到了之后，就必须失掉它们，就连获得时的欢乐也会因为拥有而消失。我父亲已经年迈；我的孩子们尚年幼，人生尚无定论：今后，我只有失而无所得，这让人好不伤心啊！母爱在永远不停地增强，而孩子们对母亲的爱则随着与母亲的距离越来越远而日益淡薄。随着年龄的增长，我的孩子们将离我越来越远。他们也许会生活在世界各地；他们很可能会把我忘记。您想把一个孩子送往俄国；他走时我该流下多少泪水啊！一切都将渐渐地离我而去，可又没有什么可以弥补我所失去的东西。我可能会一而再地处于我让您处于的状态之中。总之，人不是都得死吗？也许死在众人之后！也许孤独地、被人遗忘地死去。人越活越想活，即使得不到一点乐趣也想活：我也会厌倦生活和害怕死亡的，人到老时都是这样的。与此相反，我生命的最后时刻却是很愉快的，我还有勇气面对死亡；我觉得死只不过是与活着的亲人们的暂时分别而已。不，朋友们，不，孩子们，我不离开你们，可以说我仍然同你们在一起；我的身躯虽然离开了你们，但我的精神、我的心灵却仍然同你们在一起。你们将经常看到我活在你们中间；你们将时时感觉到我就在你们的身旁……我们日后会重新聚首的，这一点我坚信不疑；善良的沃尔玛也不会离开我的。我重归上帝，使我心灵得以平静，使我忘却了一个艰难的时刻；上帝向我许诺，也要为你们安排与我同样的命运。我的命运很好，很幸福。我从前幸福，现在幸福，将来也幸福：我的幸福已定，是我同命运争夺而来的；它将永无止境，是永恒的。” 她说到这儿时，神甫走了进来。神甫真的很钦佩她，景仰她。他比任何人都更了解她的信仰有多么坚定多么真诚。他被他头一天与朱丽的谈话以及他亲眼目睹的她的坦然态度所震撼。他见过无数的人临死时的那种痛苦不堪、悲切难耐的样子，从来没有见过有谁像朱丽这样如此镇定平静的。不过，从他对朱丽如此关注来看，其中也许夹杂着一个秘密的目的，想看看朱丽的这份平静是否能贯彻始终。 她没有转变话题，继续在谈论一些神甫刚走来时所谈论的事情。由于她身体很好时的谈话也从来不是谈一些无聊的琐事，所以此刻，当她躺在病榻上时，她也是在继续平静地谈论一些她和她的朋友们都感兴趣的话题。她对这些话题全都能侃侃而谈，它们也都不是一些无关紧要的问题。 当她顺着自己的思路谈及她走后会给我们留下些什么时，她便跟我们提起她过去对人死后灵魂出窍的看法。她对那些答应朋友们死后要回来告诉他们另一个世界的情景的人的天真朴实，颇为赞赏。她说道：“这种话与鬼故事一样，都是荒谬绝伦的。鬼故事是说来吓唬好心的女人们的，仿佛鬼魂能发声会说话，有手会抓人似的308！一个虚无缥缈的鬼魂怎么会对一个包裹在躯体里的灵魂起作用呢？既然与躯体混为一体的灵魂只有通过各个器官才能有所感觉，那么这个虚无缥缈的鬼魂又如何去影响灵魂呢？不过，我得承认，脱离躯体的灵魂可以回到它先前生活过的尘世，也许会在它所喜爱的人的身边游来荡去，驻足停留，这种假设并不算荒谬。但是，它来到人世间，并非是要告诉我们它的存在，它根本就没有任何办法可以做到这一点的；它也不是为了影响我们，把它的想法告诉我们，因为它根本就无法触及我们的大脑；它也不是为了看看我们在做些什么，因为要达到这一目的，它就得有视觉器官，可它却没有；它之所以返回人间，是为了亲自了解我们在想些什么，感受到什么，它想直接与我们沟通，宛如上帝了解我们在世上的所思所想的那种方法一样，而且我们也可以了解上帝在另一个世界里的想法，因为我们将直接去面对他。”她看着神甫补充说道：“因为，话说回来，如果感官不起任何作用的话，那我们还要它有何用？我们是既看不到也听不到上帝的，我们只能感觉到他的存在；他既不对我们的眼睛也不对我们的耳朵说话，而是对我们的心灵在说话。” 我从神甫的应答以及他俩会意的表示，明白了关于躯体的复活曾经是他俩之间所争执的重要问题中的一个。我还发现，我正开始重视起朱丽的宗教信仰来，觉得她的这种信仰颇接近理智。 她对自己的这些看法情有独钟，以致她虽然没有坚持过去的种种观点，但若是批驳她的任何一个她目前状况下所极其珍视的观点的话，都会让她痛心不已的。她说道：“我无数次地在行善事时，都默默地想着我母亲也在场，她了解自己女儿的心，赞同自己女儿的所作所为。在去世的亲人注视下做善事，那活着是多么的开心啊！这表明亲人虽死，但心却与我们紧密相连。”您可以想象得出，朱丽在说这番话时，把克莱尔的手攥得有多么的紧。 尽管神甫回答一切问题时柔声细气，措辞谨慎，而且还装作自己的观点与她的观点并无相悖之处，生怕自己不作应答会产生误会，使她误以为沉默就是认同，但他时刻不忘自己是一名神职人员，必须阐明自己对来世的看法，这一看法与朱丽的看法完全不同。他说道，幸福之人的灵魂所关心的唯一的事情，是上帝的伟大、光荣和权威；默祷上帝可以消除人的一切往事；人死之后，不会再相逢，彼此互不相识，即使身在天上也是如此，何况在天上看到令人陶醉的情景，也就不再会去想尘世间的往事了。 “也许会是您说的那样，”朱丽回答道，“我们卑微的思想与上帝的精髓相去甚远，即使我们在默祷上帝，我们也难以想象它对我们所能起到的作用。不过，我现在只能根据自己的想法来考虑问题，所以我不得不承认，我感到有一些感情对我来说是弥足珍贵的，一想到我会失去它们，我就受不了。我甚至还替自己的希望创造某种论据。我心想，我的幸福有一部分源自我有一颗善良的心。因此，我将会回忆我在人间的所作所为；我也将怀念我曾非常喜爱的那些人；他们仍将是我所非常喜欢的人：如果再也见不到他们了，那将会使我痛苦不堪的，幸福之人的生活中是不能有这种事情发生的。” 这一天的谈话就是这么进行的。这一天，朱丽的心境从未这么清静、闲适、充满希望过，按神甫的说法，她已提前进入了祉福者的行列，提前享受到了祉福者的安宁。她从未像这一天那样温馨、真挚、温情、可爱过，总之，她又回到了她没病时的模样。她讲话说事，总是那么合情而又合理，总是带着智者的坚定与基督徒的温情；她既不矫揉造作，又不夸大其词，出言训人；她用语朴实无华，发自内心，句句皆是肺腑之言，句句皆是自己的真实感受。如果说她有时会强忍着剧痛不哼一声，那并不是在假装坚强，而是害怕自己身边的人看了心里难受；当死亡的恐惧使她一时间吓得面色苍白时，她并不掩饰自己的惊慌害怕，也愿听听别人的安慰。当她一缓过劲儿来时，她便反过来去安慰别人。大家看得出来，感觉得出来她已恢复了平静，因为她那温柔可人的神情已经告诉了大家。她绝非强颜欢笑，她的说笑颇为动人，大家嘴上虽挂着笑容，但眼里却溢满泪水。她明白，如果不克制住对死亡的恐惧，她就无法享受即将失去的东西，所以她才表现得比平时更开心，甚至比身体健康时更可爱，而她生命终止的最后一天也是最最迷人的一天。 傍晚时分，她又突感不适，虽然这次没有上午的那一次那么严重，但却使她无法与孩子们在一起再多待上一会儿。这时候，她发现昂丽埃特模样大变。我们便告诉她说，昂丽埃特老一个劲儿地在哭，茶不思饭不想的。她便看着克莱尔说道：“这可不行，这会把身体搞坏的。” 她感到自己已完全恢复常态之后，便希望大家在她的房间里用晚餐。同中午饭时一样，医生也在。芳松一般是邀请她时她才来与我们同桌共餐的，可这一次她却是不请自来了。朱丽发现后，莞尔一笑，对她说道：“好，我的孩子，今晚再同我们一起吃一次饭吧；你日后与你丈夫相处的时间要比同你女主人相处的时间多得多的。”然后，她又对我说道：“我用不着嘱托您要多多关照克洛德·阿奈特。”我赶忙回答道：“您放心好了，凡是您曾眷顾的人，不用您说，我都会好好关照的。” 晚餐的气氛比我预想的还要轻松愉快。朱丽