Chapter 141 Letter Three to Gentleman Edward
These days, we have some guests visiting.They all left yesterday, so the three of us are happy to be together again, unselfish and open to each other.I am so happy to be reborn as someone worthy of your trust!Whenever Julie and her husband honor me, I say to myself with a certain pride, "I finally dare to show him who I am." It is under your care , under your supervision, I can correct the mistakes of the past and become the person I am today.If love extinguished can sink the soul into depression, love successfully reined in makes it ennobled and strives harder for all that is great and good.Can we let the achievements that have been sacrificed at such a great price be lost?No, gentleman, I feel that my soul is doing good by your example, and making the hot passions it restrains useful; and I feel that I must go through what I have been before I can become what I now want to be. into the look.
After six days of rambling chitchat with all sorts of people, we got together today in the English manner, and passed a morning of quiet leisure, both the pleasure of being together again and the quiet Quiet and contemplative leisurely.This kind of state is wonderful, and there are very few people who have tasted it!In France, I have yet to meet anyone who thinks of this.They say: "A friend's conversation never ends." Yes, chatterboxes are open, and gossip is popular among mediocrity, but friendship, gentleman, friendship!That is a rich and holy emotion, can it be obtained by speaking?What language can reflect it?Can the things you say to your friend compare to what it feels like to be around him?Oh, God!Clenched hands, eyes facing each other, hugging each other tightly, followed by a sigh, how many problems can this explain!However, after that, a cold sentence is all over.O evenings in Besançon!A moment of silence for friendship!O Pompston, man of great soul, noble and true friend!No, I didn't disgrace everything you did for me, but I never said anything to you.
To be sure, this state of contemplation is one of the favorites of the giri-minded.However, I often find that there are always some annoying guys who will come to disturb other people's taste of this state, making it impossible for friends to fully enjoy this beautiful moment of silence and meditation without the presence of outsiders.We want to stay in peace, we can say that we want to communicate with our hearts. A little distraction will lose interest, and a little restraint will be unbearable.How beautiful it would be to be able to say something without any hesitation if something suddenly came to my mouth sometimes!It seems that if I dare not say it, I dare not think wildly in my heart; it seems that as long as there is an outsider present, my mood will be affected, and I feel awkward in my heart. Without this person, the two hearts would have communicated well.
Thus we spent two hours in silence together, full of joy, a thousand times more joyful than the deserted rest of Epicurean gods.After breakfast the children went into the mother's room as usual, but instead of leading them into her little room, as was customary, she kept them to herself, lest we, so to speak, lose hours, Couldn't see each other, so we stayed together until lunchtime without separation.Henriette, who had already learned how to sew, sat working as a maid in front of Fangson, who sat embroidering lace in a little chair propped up with pillows.Two little boys sat at the table and flipped through a small picture book. The elder brother was explaining the meaning of the pictures to the younger brother.Henriette remembered the content of this little picture book very clearly. She listened attentively while working, and when she found that he made a mistake, she corrected him.She also used to walk back and forth between the chair she was sitting on and the table, pretending not to know which picture they were looking at.She didn't find it annoying to go back and forth like this, but Marie always winked at her, and sometimes even wanted to kiss her, but it was a pity that his little mouth didn't know how to kiss others, but he already knew how to kiss. What's the matter, Henriette didn't want him to kiss her.It doesn’t take much concentration to read the pictures and listen to the stories, it’s easy to understand, so Mali is always playing with the little boxwood sticks under the book while listening.
Mrs. de Walmart sat embroidering by the window opposite the children; her husband and I, we were still sitting at the coffee table reading the newspaper, which Julie didn't care much about.But when we were told in the papers that the King of France was sick, and that his subjects loved him with such affection that only the ancient Romans had for Jaymanicus, she immediately She spoke of this mild and generous nation, which is hated by all nations, and hates no one, and added that she did not envy the supremacy, but only the joy of being loved. "You have nothing to envy," her husband said to her in a tone that I should have said, "we have always been your subjects." Hearing this, the maid dropped from her hand; she Turning my head, I cast such a touching and tender look at her good husband that even I felt a shudder in my heart.She didn't say a word: how many words is worth a glance!We also looked at each other.I sensed from the way her husband held my hand that we were all three equally excited, and felt that the tenderness of this expressive person affected those around her, and touched even the apathetic.
It is in this state of mind that the state of silent contemplation of which I am telling you begins.As you can imagine, we were never deserted or bored.Only sometimes when the children came to make trouble, this state of silent meditation would be interrupted; and when we stopped talking, the children also followed our example and lowered their voices, so as not to disturb our meditation.It was the little girl monitor who was the first to lower her voice, and also motioned to the two boys to stand on tiptoe and lighten their steps when walking; their cautious appearance was really amusing to watch.This scene, which seemed to prolong our sweet mood, had its natural effect:
The mouth is speechless, but the heart is speaking.
Although he didn't open his mouth, how many things were kept silent!We didn't say those empty words, but how many passionate feelings have communicated with each other!Without knowing it, Julie was filled with that feeling that overrides all other emotions.Her eyes were fully fixed on her three children, and her loving heart made her motherly face even more beautiful.
Mr. Wal-Mart and I were absorbed in this mutual gaze of mother and children, and thus fell into meditation, which was finally interrupted by the children who caused us to ponder.The elder brother, who was looking at the pictures with relish, saw that his younger brother was playing with the boxwood sticks instead of looking at the pictures, so while he was gathering the sticks together, he slapped his hand, making the sticks The stick was scattered all over the ground.Marcelin burst into tears at the sight; Madame de Walmart did not try to stop the crying of her youngest son, but asked Fangzon to pack up the little boxwood sticks and take them away.Marcelin stopped crying at once; he would have wept more, as I surmised, if the stick had not been taken away.Although this is a trivial thing, it reminded me of many other things that I hadn't noticed before; when I think about it, I don't remember any adults who don't talk nonsense to their children, and I haven't seen any The children are as obedient as the children in their family.They are almost inseparable from their mother, but you can't see them pestering their mother all the time.Like children of their age, they are lively and chattering, but they are never annoying or noisy. I found that they don't know what it means to be cautious, but they know the rules.In thinking about this, I am particularly struck by the naturalness with which they do this, and the fact that, for all their love, Julie does not coddle or discipline them very much.Indeed, I never saw her begging them to talk or shut up, or to tell them what to do or what not to do.She never quarreled with them, let them play when they wanted; as if she were content to see them and love them, and when they had spent the day with her her full motherhood was done.
Although Julie seems to be indifferent to her children, which is more touching than other mothers who worry about their children, I always feel that her indifference is very different from what I think.I do hope that she will not be satisfied with the reasons why she should do this: mother's nagging is just an expression of maternal love!The good things I found in her children, I wish it was all due to her care; I wished it wasn't their nature but their mother's; Some shortcomings, so to see her eager to correct.
After thinking about these questions in silence for a long time, I broke the silence and told her what I thought.I said to her: "I think God is using the good behavior of the children to repay the virtues of the mothers, but this kind of good behavior must be cultivated. Children should be educated from the moment they are born." ..wouldn't it be better to teach them before they have any faults that have to be corrected? If you let them have their way from childhood, you'll have to wait until they're old enough to obey? Even if you have nothing to teach You have to teach them to listen to you.” She retorted: “Did you find that they didn’t listen to me?” I immediately retorted: “Since you didn’t tell them to do anything, then It's hard to find." She looked at her husband and smiled; then, taking my hand, she led me into the little room where the three of us could talk freely without the children overhearing.
In this small room, she explained to me her method of education without haste, saying that although she seemed to be indifferent on the surface, she actually took care of everything that a mother should take care of. of.She said to me: "I have had the same thoughts as you about the early education of my children for a long time. When I was pregnant for the first time, I felt uneasy about my immediate responsibilities and things to do. , I have often spoken of it with anxiety to M. de Walmart, a sober observer with the paternal and philosophical coolness, and no one could have taught me better on this point than he. He did his job and exceeded my expectations; he took my worries away and taught me to be more successful with less effort. He made me realize that the first and most important education is what everyone deserves Neglected education is to make children teachable. A common mistake of all parents who think they are smart is that they think that children are born sensible, so they should be treated like right before they learn to talk. Talk like grown-ups. People want to use reason as a tool for educating children; and reason should be cultivated by other means. Among all kinds of education, children are the last and most difficult to receive. Intellectual education. If children are taught at an early age in a language they do not understand at all, it will teach them at an early age to play tricks, chatter, interrupt others, Thinking they're as good as their teachers, they become argumentative and stubborn. Everything you try to get them to do with reasonable motives, you'll actually have to frighten or wish them into doing.
"If you try to bring up your children in this way, however patient you are, they will eventually tire you; and then the parents themselves will let the child develop this bad habit, so that in the end they can't bear it. Their entanglement made them helpless, so we had to send them away and hand them over to the teachers to discipline them, as if we could expect the teachers to be more patient than their parents and have a similar temper."
"Nature wants," continued Julie, "that children remain children until they become adults. If we mess up this pattern, we'll end up with precocious fruit that neither ripens nor grows. Luscious, soon to rot; we shall produce young Doctors and senile children. Children have their own unique views, thoughts, and feelings. If we want to replace them with our own views, thoughts, and feelings It's just plain stupid; I'd rather have a child be five feet tall at ten and still have a child's way of seeing.
"The formation of the intellect does not begin until many years later, when the body is well developed. It is the will of nature that the intellect should be strengthened first. Children are always fond of movement; at this age they abhor Quiet and contemplative; a life of shutting up books is a hindrance to their physical and mental health; their minds and bodies cannot bear the constraints. Shut up in a small room all day with books, they lose all their vitality; they They will become listless, weak, dull, and unreasonable; and their souls will suffer from infirmity all their lives.
"Giving children this comprehensive education prematurely, even if it helps to develop their judgment, does it to their detriment at the same time, and there is a great defect: this kind of indiscriminate treatment of children. Without education, it is impossible to teach students in accordance with their aptitude. In addition to the same body structure, everyone has their own unique temperament at birth, and this unique temperament determines a person's talent and character , and it cannot be changed or restrained, but can only be guided by the situation to make it perfect.” Mr. De Walmart believes that the various personalities of people are good and healthy.He said: "Nature is never at fault; and all the errors which men ascribe to nature are the result of bad education. Even wicked men, if their habits were better directed, could do some great good. Yes. Even a mere man may be found to be a useful talent if he is viewed from a certain point of view, just as those grotesque images, if they are placed in their proper place and viewed, will appear to be useful. It is both good-looking and well-proportioned. Everything in the universe tends towards perfection. Each person has a certain place in a good social order; the problem is to find this place without disturbing this order. Since the child is still in the cradle What would be the result if, from the very beginning, a mode of education which was always the same and which did not change with the individual's faculties? If the education given to the child was largely harmful or inappropriate, if If they are not allowed to receive the education that suits them, if we curb the development of children's nature from all aspects, if we wipe out the great wisdom of their hearts and replace it with flashy little cleverness, if we let children with different endowments accept the same education without distinction. then it must be that some children are delayed by others, that their intellects are muddled up, that, with all their pains, they kill their true gifts, and it will soon be found that your lord The spark of their genius that we hoped for, like a flash in the pan, will soon be extinguished, and the repressed nature is lost forever and cannot be regained. They are not healthy, and when they grow up, they will be some people without talents and virtues, so people can tell at a glance that they are weak and useless things."
"I understand all these reasons," I said to Julie, "but you once said, 'Cultivating a person's talents and talents is of little benefit to his own happiness or to the real benefit of society', so , it is difficult for me to reconcile this statement of yours with that of yours. It is better to adopt another method: first set up an example of a reasonable and honest man, and then teach every child to learn from this example, Encourage this, restrain that, restrain their desires, cultivate their reason, correct their nature?..." Wal-Mart interrupted me and said, "Correct their nature! That's a beautiful thing to say, but before I say that, I must tell Julie Answer what I just told you."
I felt that I had to simply reply that I did not agree with her, so I said: "You have been saying that this difference in intelligence and endowment in man is caused by nature, and that this This point cannot be more obvious, because the reason why the intelligence of human beings are different is because of their higher and lower intelligence, and the reason why nature makes people have higher and lower intelligence is because it has a preference and bestows on some people the sensitivity. The senses, great memory, and concentration are bestowed on others more than others. But as far as senses and memory are concerned, experience has shown that their breadth and perfection are not the measure of a person's intellect, whereas concentration depends solely on stimulating us. It depends on the power of desire, and experience has proved that all people are naturally susceptible to desire. When the influence of desire is strong, people's attention will first pay attention to the satisfaction of their own desire.
"If the differences in the intelligence of men are not due to nature, but are the result of education, that is to say, of the influence of ideas, of what we see and our surroundings from childhood onwards, And if the impressions we get make us think, then, in order to train children, we should not wait to know the characteristics of their thoughts, on the contrary, we should make them have what we want them to have through education suitable for them as soon as possible. Ingenuity."
To this opinion of mine, Mr. de Walmart replied that he would never easily deny the reality of what he saw when he could not explain it.He said to me: "Look at those two dogs in the yard; they were littered. They ate the same food, they were treated the same, and they were never separated. But, of them, one One is cheerful, lively, lovable, and intelligent, while the other is stupid, stupid, and vicious, and it can't learn anything. The only difference in temperament makes them completely different in personality, just like the inner qualities of human beings. Just as the difference in intelligence will inevitably lead to the difference in intelligence, and so on, the situation in other aspects is also similar..." I immediately interrupted him and said: "Similar? The difference is huge! How many small things can make a difference to a person It has an effect on another person, but it has no effect on another person! How many small circumstances have made a big difference to people, but you just don’t realize it!” He went on to say: “Alas! A statement made by astrologers. When they are refuted by the fact that two people born under the same constellation have very different fates, they argue that the stars move very fast, and the stars of one person are different from those of the other. The horoscopes of a person are far apart, so you can see that although two people were born in the same year, the same month and the same day, their fates are completely different.
"I beseech you to set these subtleties aside, and study what we have observed. From observation we learn that some people are born with characters, that there are some children whom we Their character can be deduced from their condition in the breast of their nurse. Such children are of another type, and they can be cultivated from birth. Hurriedly cultivating them before knowing what their talents are is simply a waste of the wealth created by nature and will bring great harm to children. Didn’t your teacher Plato say? Even if we use our All knowledge and all philosophy can only cultivate in a man's mind so much of the faculties that nature has endowed him with, just as we can only separate from a mixture what is in it by exhausting all the chemical methods. It is impossible to separate the gold that it does not contain. This statement of Plato is wrong as far as our feelings and our thoughts are concerned, and his statement is wrong as far as the talents we hope to cultivate. It is true. To change a man's heart, to change a man's character, it is necessary to change the very qualities that produced them. Have you ever heard of a man who had a bad temper and became a calm man? Have you ever heard of a man who Can a cool-headed, well-organized person become a fanciful person? In my opinion, I think it is easy to turn a brunette into a blond, and a stupid person into a smart person. Yes, but it's much harder to reshape people of different talents into the same mold. You can restrain them, but you can't change them: you can keep them from being who they are , but they can't make them different; even though they can disguise themselves very cleverly in daily life, you will find that when encountering important events, they will reveal their true colors and vividly show their true colors It shows up. I say again, it is impossible to change a person's character and suppress his nature, but he can be guided, promoted and cultivated to prevent his character from slipping into a bad side. Only in this way can a person To become what he may become, the purpose of nature is finally realized in him by the education of nature. But before character can be cultivated, it must be studied, quietly observed in its manifestations, and Give it the chance to express itself, rather than doing nothing than doing anything harmful to it. Some talents must be given wings, while others should be discouraged ;some should be encouraged, others should be restrained; Reading and literacy do him no good. We should wait patiently for the first spark of reason to flash; type in order to cultivate it, and therefore it is impossible for man before he has reason to acceptWhat a real education.
"As for your objection to Julie's reasoning, I should like to know if you find any contradiction in her reasoning? Every man is born with a character, a talent, and his own peculiarities. Men who are destined to live a simple life in the country can live a good life without developing their talents, and their buried talents are like the gold mines of Valais. In social life, people need more brains than physical strength. Whether it is for themselves or others, they should do their best. Therefore, we must try our best to use the talents endowed by nature and guide him to the most effective life. The direction of the future should be vigorously developed, and above all a taste for all that is useful to it should be cultivated. For those who are born to live a simple life in the country, they are in contact with people like themselves, and they do what other people do. What; example is the only criterion, habit is the only talent, and everyone only needs to use a part of the talent shared by everyone. But people living in the city care about individuals and pay attention to all people, so they must Teach him something a little more than others: let him go as far as nature will let him; The contradiction is not big, so it can be adopted when the children are young. It is not necessary to educate rural children, because they are not suitable for education. It is not necessary to educate children in cities, because you do not know how suitable they are. What kind of education to receive. In short, let the child grow up as much as possible, and then educate him when his reason begins to sprout."
I replied, "I think all of this is very good, but I find that there is a flaw in it that does a great deal to the detriment of the benefits you expect from the method. The flaw is, Let children be taught bad habits, which could have been prevented if they had been taught good habits. Look at the children who let themselves go. They see others doing bad things, and they themselves are very fast. Learn all the bad things, because it is easy to learn to do bad things, but they never learn the good things, because it is not easy to learn good things. They gradually get used to having what they want, no matter the circumstances , do whatever they want, so they become very tempered, rebellious, and don't listen to anyone..." De Walmart interrupted me to say: "I think you find the opposite in our children. That's why I think about it." I replied, "That's what I admit, and that's what surprised me. How did she make them so docile? How did she go about it? What did she use instead? Disciplinary bondage?" He immediately replied: "With a very strong bondage, that is, the bondage of the needs of life. But she will explain to you better when she tells you how she does it. Her opinion." So he asked her to explain her approach to me; after a short pause, she began to explain it to me.What she said was roughly as follows:
"Dear friend, those two children were born very well! I don't imagine that Mr. de Wal-Mart said too much attention to them. Although he has a good point, a very bad-tempered child can I doubt whether he can change his temper for the better, and I don't believe that all human nature can develop in a good way, but I firmly believe that his views are for the good of the children, so in terms of family management, I Try to harmonize my own ways with his. My first hope is that bad children will not be born to me; God has given my two children to be brought up so that one day they will have the honor to be like their father. To this end, I try to follow the method He has prescribed for me, giving them less reasoning and more maternal love, Let the children grow up happily. This is my first wish as a mother, and I spend every day to achieve this wish. When I held the eldest in my arms for the first time, I was thinking in my heart, Even for long-lived people, childhood almost only takes up a quarter of a person's life, and very few people can live the remaining three-quarters of the time, for the remaining three-quarters of the time To be happy, one must be cautious about this quarter of the time, and there must be no misfortune, not to mention that the remaining three-quarters of the time may not be able to live enough miles. I think, when a child is young, At that time, nature already has all kinds of restraints for him, why should we add many more ways to deprive him of his very limited freedom, which he can't abuse? Therefore, I decided to try to restrain him as little as possible. Let him use his little strength to do what he wants, try not to prevent him from acting according to his own nature. I have gained two advantages in this way: one is to make his little mind, which is developing Avoid lying, vanity, resentment, envy, in a word, all the vices that come from being disciplined too hard, and which some people, instead of doing so, infect themselves with. Another advantage is that, by giving him constant freedom of movement according to his nature, his constitution has been strengthened. He is now used to running around in the hot sun or cold wind without a hat, like a farmer, and can run Out of breath, sweating profusely, like a farmer, he is not afraid of the wind, the sun, the rain, his body is strong, and he lives contentedly. This is for the sake of him growing up in the future, so that he can cope with the ups and downs of life. I I have already told you that I am very much afraid that that murderous cowardice will make a child weak and tender, and subject him to endless restraints, and make him cautious and cautious, and in the end, make him a lifelong child. Incapable of meeting the inevitable dangers, even the child makes a fuss about catching a cold for a while, hoping that he will not have a single cold, so that when he grows up, he will get pleurisy, and may die of pleurisy or heat stroke .
"Children who let themselves go have most of the faults you describe because they are not only dissatisfied with being able to do what they want, but they want others to do as they want, and this It is precisely because of their mother's excessive pampering, and they are only happy when others do exactly what their children's unreasonable demands are. I am glad, my friend, that you are in my family, I have never met a single person, even a poor servant, who said that I am arbitrariness and domineering, and I have never seen me secretly happy when I listen to others' false praises for my children. I think I am I am walking a new and reliable way, which can make children free and quiet, but also pleasing and obedient, and my method is extremely simple and easy, which is to let children know that they are only children.
"From the child's point of view, is there any creature in the world who is weaker and more pitiful than a child, who is at the mercy of everything around him? They desperately need pity, care and protection. Nature makes them send out the first The first sound is crying and wailing. Isn’t the reason why they have such cute little faces and such cute expressions is to make all those who approach them pay attention to their weak bodies and rush to help them? I saw a child mischievous, domineering, domineering to those around him, and brazenly speaking to those who hated him so much that he gritted his teeth in the tone of his master, but his foolish parents approved of his boldness and made him a The tyrant of his nurse, until he became the tyrant of his parents, what could be more infuriating and contrary to common sense than this?
"As for me, I have tried my best to keep my son from being domineering and domineering, and I have tried my best not to give him any excuse to think that others should serve him instead of out of love. This may It is the most difficult and most important in the whole educational process; in order to let the children have the ability to clearly distinguish the difference between the servant's wage labor and the mother's care, I have adopted many methods, but this is the most difficult thing to do. Trivial and endless.
"As I've already told you, one of the important things I did was to make my son fully aware that he couldn't have lived without our help and love at such a young age. After that, I then made it easy for him to understand that all the help a man has to accept from others is all dependence; and that the servants are, after all, much better than he is, because he cannot do without them, and he is nothing to them. In this way, he will not think himself great when accepting their service, but he will feel that he is weak and ashamed, and no one can serve him. Therefore, he eagerly hopes that he will grow up quickly and grow up Get strong enough to take care of yourself."
"In homes where parents are expected to be served like children," I said, "these practices are difficult to practice, but in your home everyone is responsible, starting with you, master and servant. The relationship is always a mutual service and care, so I think this approach may work. But what I don't understand is that some children are used to being given everything they want. How can we prevent them from making endless extravagant demands? If a servant mistakes the child’s real needs as unreasonable, how can he make the child endure grievances?”
"My friend," continued Mrs. de Walmart, "a mindless mother is turning her children into monsters. In fact, whether it is children or adults, the real needs are very limited. We should关心的是孩子们的长久的快乐而不是一时的痛快。您以为一个无法无天的孩子有母亲在跟前时会让女管家不让他想干什么就干什么吗？您举出了一些因恶习而产生的缺点，但您没有想到我的全部心思都花在阻止他们沾染这些恶习上。当然，女人都是爱孩子的。孩子与女管家之间的矛盾完全是因为一方要另一方屈从自己的任性而产生的。但在我们家里，这种情况是不会出现的，因为谁也不会强迫孩子做什么，而孩子也不会喝令女管家干什么。在这一点上，我同其他做母亲的不一样，她们是假装要孩子听仆人们的话，实际上却是要仆人们听命于小主人。在我们这里，谁也不命令谁，而谁也不听别人的颐指气使，孩子只有对他周围的人好才能使周围的人对他好。因此，他便感觉到他对自己周围的人除了亲切相待而外，别无其他任何权威，这样一来，他也就变乖了，变讨喜了。他在努力使别人以真心待他的同时，他也就以自己的真心去对待别人了，因为人都是希望别人爱自己的，这是自尊心的必然结果。从这种产生于平等的互相爱护之中，良好的品行自然而然地便养成了，而对孩子们一味地讲大道理，是根本养不成好的品行的。
“我早就认为，儿童教育中的最主要的部分，而精心安排的教育又从未涉及的部分就是，让儿童充分意识到他是可怜的、柔弱的、依赖人的，而且，正如我丈夫跟您说的，要让他感到大自然强加于人身上的那种沉重的生活桎梏，这不仅仅是为了让他感觉到别人为减轻他的这种重负都替他做了些什么，而特别是为了让他尽早地知晓上帝把他安排在什么样的一个位置上，让他知道自己无法超越这一地位，而且也让他明白，人类社会的任何事情，没有一件不是与他相关的。
“年轻人自出生时起，就被人宠爱着，娇惯着，要什么有什么，谁都得满足他们的奢求，不满足就闹，但他们如此狂妄不羁地踏入社会之后，只有在不停地遭到羞辱、顶撞冒犯，事事都不能随心所欲，然后才知道改正。为了让我的儿子不致接受这种屈辱的教育，我就首先让他对事物有一个更为正确的认识。一开始，我就让他想要什么就给他什么，因为我深信孩子初期天性的活动总是好的，健康的。但是，我很快便发现，孩子们以为他们有权利要求别人服从他们，因此他们几乎是从一生下来，就脱离了自然状态，照着大人的样子学，沾染上大人的恶习，由于大人的不检点，使孩子养成了一些坏毛病。我发现，如果我对他的所有无理要求全都加以满足的话，他一定会得寸进尺，因此，必须对他有一个度，超过了这个度，就一概予以拒绝，平时就得让他习惯于这个度，否则您拒绝他的无理要求时，他就会受不了的。虽然在他懂道理之前我无法让他一点委屈都不会受，但我宁愿让他受到的委屈尽可能小一点，早一点。为了让他适应遭到拒绝的痛苦，我首先就逼迫他服从我的拒绝，而且，为了使他心里的委屈时间别太长，别太伤心难受，别变得倔犟顶牛，所以我只要一拒绝，就绝不松口。当然，我也不是老是在拒绝，而且是在考虑再三之后才加以拒绝的。凡是答应给他的，他只要一开口，马上就无条件地满足他，而且，我在这一点上是十分慷慨大度的，但是，他死乞白赖地纠缠不放，那他是什么也捞不着的，即使是又哭又闹又求又告，那也无济于事。对此，他已完全了解，所以就不再来这一手了。我只要是说声不行，他就不再闹了，当他看见我把他想要吃的糖果收起来，把他手里捉住的鸟儿放走，他也不再赌气噘嘴，因为他感觉到了，即使再怎么闹也不顶用的。我把他手里的东西拿走，他也觉得无所谓，心想不就是自己占有不了了么；而我拒绝他的东西，他也不以为然，心想不就是得不到了么。他不会拍桌子踢板凳，免得伤了自己，他也不打拒绝他的人。在种种让他难过的原因之中，他感到最重要的原因就是自己的要求太过分，是自己太柔弱所致，而不是别人存心气他……等一等！”她见我要打断她，便急切地说，“我已料到您有不同的看法，现在，请听我先给您解释一番。
“孩子们之所以哭哭闹闹，是因为我们把他们的哭闹太当一回事了，这或者是因为想迁就他们，或者是想拒绝他们。他们一看大人害怕他们哭闹，他们就越哭越来劲儿，有时候甚至一哭就是一天。为了止住他们哭闹，无论是迁就还是吓唬都是有百弊而无一利的办法，而且几乎是毫无效果的。如果一听见他们哭，马上就觉得不得了了，那这就成了他们没完没了地哭闹的理由了，相反，当他们看见大人没有反应，那他们哭哭也就不哭了，因为小孩同大人都一样，谁也不愿意干吃力不讨好的事的。我家老大就是这样。一开始，这个爱叫爱闹的小家伙弄得大家不知如何是好，可现在，您也看见了，家里听不见他的吵闹声了，好像家里没有小孩子似的。他身体不舒服时会哭，但那是本能的声音，是不能压制的，可是，现在，他没什么不舒服的了，他也就不哭了。因此，我对他的哭喊非常关注，因为我知道他是不会无缘无故地哭的。这样，我就可以清楚地知道他到底哪儿疼，是病了还是没病，而好些人就没有用这么一种好的办法去对待无理要求得不到满足或者只是为了让人哄哄才在哭的孩子。另外，我承认，乳母或女管家是不容易做到这一点的，因为没什么比听见孩子一个劲儿地哭闹更让人心烦上火的了，而乳母和女管家只顾眼前而不顾将来，不知道今天止住了孩子的哭闹，明天他会哭闹得更厉害。最糟糕的是，孩子所养成的犟脾气，等大了以后，肯定会造成严重后果的。三岁时让他哭闹的那个同样的原因，待他到了十二岁上，则会让他学会顶撞大人，待他到了二十岁时，则会成为一个爱与人家吵架寻衅的人，而到了三十岁时，就变得专横跋扈，而且，一辈子都是个让人无法忍受的人。”
“现在，我来解答您的疑问，”她笑吟吟地对我说，“从我给予的所有东西中，孩子们很容易就看出了我是想让他们开心的；而在我所要求于他们的或拒绝他们的事情中，他们无须问也该猜想到是什么原因的。这是我在必要时放弃说服办法而采取专断态度所获得的另一个好处，因为他们有的时候虽然看不出我这么专断的缘由，但他们自然地就能明白其中必有道理。相反，你只要有那么一次让他们说了算，那他们就会认为什么事情都得听他们的，那他们就会变成诡辩派，耍小聪明，耍小心眼儿，变得非常狡猾，想方设法也要把那些说不过他们的不善表达的人弄得哑口无言。当你不得不跟他们讲一些他们听不明白的事情时，不管你如何苦口婆心，费尽口舌，他们也都置诸脑后，不去理会。总之，让他们明白道理的唯一的办法，不是跟他们讲大道理，而是让他们明白，他们还小，还不懂道理，因为这时候的他们，总是从正面去理解事物的，除非你有意让他们另有所想。他们很清楚，我很爱他们，因此他们相信我是不会让他们受苦的；而在这一点上，孩子们是很少会弄错的。因此，当我拒绝孩子们什么的时候，我绝不跟他们说大道理，我不跟他们说我为什么要拒绝，但是我在方式方法上尽可能地让他们看得出来我为什么这样，有的时候是在事后告诉他们为什么。通过这个方法，他们便渐渐地明白了，我若是没有很好的理由是绝不会拒绝他们的，尽管他们并不能每次都明白其中的道理。
“根据这一原则，我也不允许孩子们在我们大人说话的时候乱插嘴，即使让他们随便说几句，我也不容许他们傻乎乎地自以为与众不同。当别人问他们话的时候，我要求他们谦虚谨慎，说话简练，不许他们信口开河，尤其不许对年龄比他们大的人问这问那，因为他们应该尊敬比自己年长的人。”
“实际上，朱丽，”我打断她说，“作为一个如此温柔的母亲，这么做也太严厉了点儿！毕达哥拉斯对其弟子也没有您对自己的孩子这么严厉。您不仅没把他们当做孩子来对待，而且您好像是害怕他们过早地长大似的。对于自己不了解的事物，他们不去请教比他们知识丰富的人，那还有什么更便捷更可靠的方法能让他们解惑释疑的呢？巴黎的那些贵夫人们却认为她们的孩子开始爱油嘴滑舌的时间并不早也不多，而且，她们也想从孩子们小的时候的傻话蠢话中判断出他们长大后有什么聪明才智，那么，她们对您的这番道理会有何想法呢？德·沃尔玛先生也许会说，在一个把能说会道当做最大才干的国家，这可能是件好事，因为在这样的国家，一个人只要是巧舌如簧，就无须动脑子想问题了。不过，你们既然想让孩子能有一个好的命运，那你们又如何把幸福的生活与若许的束缚协调起来呢？你们声称要给他们以自由，但是，这么多的限制与束缚，那哪儿还有什么自由可言呢？”
“怎么？”她立即反驳我道，“难道说不许他们侵犯我们的自由就是妨碍了他们的自由吗？难道非要大家都静静地听他们说傻话，他们才开心吗？阻止他们产生虚荣心，或者至少是不让他们的虚荣心得到膨胀，那才是真的在为他们的幸福着想哩，因为人的虚荣心是其种种大苦大难的根源，一个人就是再十全十美，只要是有了虚荣心，那他便会痛苦不堪，而不可能快乐的。
“如果一个孩子见到有理智的大人一个个都在围着他转，都在听他说话，鼓励他，夸奖他，都在急不可耐地想听见他说出惊人之语，对他的每一句无理的话语都拍案叫绝，那他对自己会产生什么样的想法呀？一个大人的头脑是不可能经受得住那些虚假的叫好声的，那您想想，一个孩子的头脑将会变成什么样呀！在孩子们的胡话中肯定也会有一些像历书上的预言似的话的。在他们那么多的胡言乱语中，不偶尔说出这么一两句精彩的话语，那倒也是件奇事了。请您想想看，对于一个被自己的心肝宝贝弄得稀里糊涂的可怜的母亲来说，对于一个根本不知道自己在说些什么而又博得众人叫好的孩子来说，那种不断的颂扬声会让他们有什么反应呀？您可别以为我指出这么做的错误，我自己就不犯这种错误了，不是的，我看出了这种做法的错误，而我也陷入这种错误之中，不过，如果说我在赞赏我儿子的巧于应答的话，我至少是暗地里赞赏的，所以，他就是看到我在鼓掌，也绝不会学着去做一个油嘴滑舌尽说废话的人的，而那些阿谀奉承的人，虽然总想让我叫孩子多说说，但他们绝不会笑话我有爱听奉承话的弱点的。
“有一天，我们家里来了一些客人，我因为去吩咐仆人，回来时，一进屋便看见四五个大人在傻乎乎地忙着逗我儿子玩，还夸大其词地向我学说他们刚才听见我儿子说的许多殷勤待客的话语，他们好像听了以后连连称奇。'先生们，'我冷冷地跟他们说，'我相信你们懂得如何让木偶说出动听的话来，不过，我希望我的孩子们将来有一天能长大成人，无论做什么说什么都自己做主，到那时，我将会由衷地高兴他们说话得体，做事有出息。'自从他们看见用这种方法并未讨到我的好，便开始把我的孩子真正当做孩子来看待，而不再把他们看做是木偶戏中的木偶了。他们见我不愿和他们一起哄骗孩子，不赞成他们的做法，他们也就明显地改变了。
“至于向大人提问题，我也不是不加区别地一概禁止。我首先叫他们有礼貌地私下里问他们的父亲或我所有他们想知道的问题，但我不容许他们一想到点什么，便毫无礼貌地打断大人的严肃谈话，让大家听他们提问题。提问题的艺术并非像人们所想象的那么容易。在这一点上，老师总是比学生要强得多；必须学到许多的东西之后，才知道怎么问你所不懂的问题。有一个印度谚语说得好：'博学者多识且善问。'可是，无知者甚至都不知道要问些什么。由于缺乏这种初浅的知识，所以不懂规矩的孩子几乎都会问一些毫无意义的傻问题，或者问一些回答了他们，他们也弄不明白的深奥难懂的问题。既然他们没有必要什么都知道，那他们也就不必什么都问了。一般来说，他们之所以从大人们问他们的问题中得到的益处胜过从他们自己想出来的问题中所得到的教益，其原因也就在这里。
“既然这个方法对他们来说，如人们所认为的那么有用，那么，适合于他们掌握的第一门也是最重要的一门学问，难道不是谦虚谨慎，多听少说吗？难道他们不学这门学问还有什么别的学问要先学的吗？孩子们尚未到达明理的年龄就这么想说什么说什么，就毫无礼貌地想向大人问什么就问什么，这对他们来说会造成什么样的后果？有一些小家伙之所以喜欢问这问那，并不是想增长知识，而是想捣捣乱，想让大家关注他们，而且，他们发现有时候自己的问题会把大人难住，让大人尴尬，以致看到他们一开口，大人就挺紧张，而他们就挺开心的。这样做不仅不能让他们获得知识，反而会让他们变得愚蠢，无用。我觉得，这种方法弊大于利，是不可取的，因为，尽管他们无知的程度在减小，但是虚荣却在极度膨胀。
“过久地让孩子矜持慎言可能产生的弊端是，我儿子到了懂事的年龄，交谈时会有所拘谨，谈吐不大方，话不多，不过，考虑到将来一辈子尽说些废话的习惯会让孩子的思想萎缩，所以我倒是觉得少言寡语是件好事而非坏事。只有那些饱食终日无所事事的人，成天没事干，挺烦闷的，才会把说废话当成了不起的能耐，当成开心的事，仿佛与人交往的艺术就在于只说些不咸不淡的话似的，如同送人礼物尽送一些没有用的东西一样，但是，人类社会是有着一个更崇高的目的的，其真正的乐趣是实打实的。人的表达真理的器官，人身上的至关重要的器官，把人与动物区别开来的唯一器官，并不是用来像动物那样乱吼乱叫的，是用来让人表达其良好思想的。一个人如果尽说些废话，那他就枉为人了，就连动物都不如了，所以人即使在休闲之时也要保持人的尊严。如果说为了礼貌起见而不得不神吹瞎侃，让别人听得晕头转向的话，我倒是觉得要尽量多听少说，这才是礼貌，千万别说些蠢话让人开心，那是对别人的不尊重。处世之道，让我们成为人人喜欢接近和珍爱的人的最好方法，并不是让自己引人注目，而是让别人去抢占风头，让自己谦虚谨慎，让别人去自由表现其傲岸。我们不必担心一个聪明人会因矜持、谨慎、少言寡语，而被别人当成傻瓜的。无论在什么地方，都不可能出现一个人因少言寡语就被人看扁了，被人轻蔑了的情况的。恰恰相反，人们一般都认为沉默的人厉害，让人在他们面前说话很小心，这种人只要一开口，大家都会洗耳恭听，因此，他们完全拥有了选择时机说话的权利，他们只要一开口，就会引起别人的注意，占尽了优势。即使是绝顶聪明的人，要他在冗长的谈话中始终精神集中，那都是极其困难的，但是，他偶尔出言不慎，颇感懊悔的情况也是很少见的，他宁可中肯之言不说，也不愿说些冒失的话语。
“不过，从六岁到二十岁，时间很长：我的儿子不会总是个小孩的，随着他的理智开始出现，他父亲就想很好地让他进行锻炼。而我么，我的任务到此时就宣告结束了。我负责生养孩子，我没有狂妄地想要造就大人。我希望，”她边说边看着她的丈夫，“更有资格的人来承担起这项崇高的职责。我是妻子和母亲，我知道自己该做些什么。我再说一遍，我所承担的任务并不是教育我的儿子，而是为他们做好接受教育的准备。
“即使是在这一点上，我也只是完完全全地遵照德·沃尔玛先生的想法去做的；我越是这么往前一步一步地去做，我就越是觉得他的办法既正确又卓越，而且，也越是感到他的想法与我的想法十分合拍。您看看我的孩子们，尤其是老大，您看看世上还有哪个孩子比他们更幸福，更快活而又不烦人的？您都看见了，他们成天地蹦蹦跳跳，又跑又笑的，但却一点也不让人心烦。在他们这种年纪，能这么玩耍，这么独立，怎么会不开心？怎么会不忘乎所以？无论我在不在他们跟前，他们都毫不拘束。不过，在他们的母亲面前，他们倒是总觉得心里踏实一些；尽管约束他们的规矩全都是我给定的，但是他们始终觉得我并不是那么厉害，因为，如果我不被他们认为是世界上最最亲爱的人的话，我是会受不了的。
“当他们待在我们身边时，我们每次都要求他们做到的是尊重大家的自由，也就是说，大家不妨碍他们，他们也不许妨碍别人，他们笑闹的声音不能盖过大家说话的声音；由于我们并不强迫他们照管我们，我也不希望他们想要我们去照料他们。如果他们违反这些正确的规定，那他们就得受罚，被立即赶走。我的全部秘诀归结起来就是一条：让他们感觉到，在哪儿也没有在这儿好。除此而外，我对他们绝无其他任何的限制；我绝不强迫他们学这学那的；我们也绝不这也管那也管，弄得他们心烦生气；我们从不让他们复习这复习那，他们唯一的功课就是到大自然的淳朴环境中去实践。他们都在这方面受到很好的教育，所以各人的言谈举止很合我的意，他们聪明，细心，让我挑不出毛病，即使会出现什么错误，由于我经常在他们身边，也是非常容易预防或纠正的。
“譬如，昨天，老大把老二的一只小鼓抢走了，老二便哭了起来。芳松什么话也没说，但一小时过后，当老大正玩那只小鼓玩得起劲儿时，她从他手中把小鼓夺走了。他哭喊着追着她要。芳松对他说：'您是从弟弟手中硬抢过来的，所以我也硬从您手中夺过来。您还有什么好说的呀？我的力气难道不比您大吗？'然后，她就学他的样儿，起劲儿地敲鼓，好像玩得特开心似的。直到这时，芳松都做得十分的好。但过了一会儿，她就想把小鼓还给弟弟，被我立即制止住了，因为这么做并非自然的教育，反而在他们兄弟俩之间埋下第一颗嫉恨的种子。失去了小鼓，弟弟虽忍受了被夺爱的痛苦，但哥哥也感到这样做不对，两个人都认识到了自己的弱点，不一会儿就会高兴起来的。”
一开始，我对这么一个如此新颖、如此违反常规的做法感到大为惊讶。经他们的一番解释之后，我终于对他们的这种做法深表钦佩了；我感到对于培养人来说，顺其自然是最佳方案。我觉得他们的这种方法的唯一的缺点，而且也是我觉得的一个很大的缺点，那就是忽视了孩子们眼下正值活泼好动时期，而随着年龄的增长，这种活泼好动会逐渐衰退的。我觉得，按照孩子们的发育状况，在理解能力薄弱和不足的时期，就越是应该锻炼和增强他们的记忆力，这是对培养教育十分有利的。我说道：“在明理之前，应该用记忆力来弥补理智的不足，而在有了理智的时候，还得继续使之更加的充实。脑子不用的话就会变得迟钝，麻木。在未开垦的土地上，种子是不会生根发芽的。为了把孩子培养成懂事明理的人，却是让他们懵懵懂懂，这种做法多奇怪呀。”德·沃尔玛夫人立即提高嗓门儿反问道：“怎么懵懵懂懂了！您是不是想把记忆力与判断力这两个大不相同、而且几乎是完全相反的东西混为一谈呀？好像把许许多多难以理解又互不相关联的事物硬是灌输到一颗稚弱的小脑袋里去，对理智不是弊大于利似的！我承认，在人的所有官能中，记忆力是第一个发展得最快的官能，而且也是最容易从儿童时期起培养的能力，但是，照您看来，是先教他们最容易学的好呢，还是先教他们最需要知道的好呢？
“您看看人们是怎么训练孩子们的这种能力的吧，看看人们为了让孩子们死记硬背，手段是多么的粗暴吧。请您把他们从中得到的好处与他们为了这一点点好处而受了多少的罪好好的比较比较吧。怎么！在孩子还没有把自己的母语学好之前，就逼迫他们去学他将来用不上的外语？在他们对诗歌一窍不通，根本不懂什么韵律时，就硬是要他们背诗，作诗？硬要用一些他们根本无任何概念的圆形呀、球形呀什么的去把他们的小脑袋瓜给弄得糊里糊涂？硬要让他们去死记硬背成百上千的城市名和河流名，致使他们常常搞混，每天都得重新复习？难道这就是训练其记忆力以增强其判断力的好办法吗？为了这么一点点零七碎八的知识，他们得赔上好多眼泪，这值得吗？
“如果那些东西只是没有用处而已，我也就不说什么了，但是，教一个孩子尽说些废话，并让他自以为已经知道了他根本就弄不明白的东西，这难道还不够严重的吗？那么一大堆乱七八糟的东西，能不影响一个人吸收、充实其头脑所必需的东西吗？给孩子硬塞进这么一大堆有害的东西，还不如让他一点记忆力都没有好哩，因为，脑子里存储了那么一大堆没用的东西，哪儿还有地方存放必要的知识呀。
“不，虽然大自然赋予孩子们的头脑具有接受各种印象的能力，但并不是为了让他们去记国王们的名字、登基日期以及纹章、天体、地理的名称的，逼迫孩子在智力未开的年纪就去记这些东西，不仅对于他们小小年纪来说毫无意义，而且，即使长大之后，也是没什么用处的。而我们应该做的是，使一切与人在社会上的地位相关的概念，以及所有牵涉到其幸福，并在其履行天职方面有所启迪的东西，用难以磨灭的文字尽早地深印在他的脑海之中，使他在今后一生中都能按照其身份与能力，用它们来指导自己的行为举止。
“即使不读书，儿童的记忆力也不会因此就荒废了：他们对自己所看见的一切、所听见的一切，都感到很新鲜，所以全都记在了脑子里；他们把大人的言行举止全都记在心里；他们周围的所有一切全都等于是书，他们不知不觉地便从中在不断地丰富自己的记忆，从而增强了他们的判断力。培养儿童早期的智力的真正的好办法就是，慎重地选择要教给他们的东西，把他们应该知道的告诉他们，而把他们不应该知道的东西隐藏起来；这样一来，他们就能够在青年时期建立起一个知识宝库，使得他们终生有了行为的准则。不错，这种方法是绝对培养不出小神童来的，也无法给老师和家长增光添彩，但是却能培养出一些精明强壮、身心健康的人来，尽管小的时候无人喝彩，但大了以后便会出人头地。”
“不过，您也不要以为，”朱丽继续说道，“我们完全忽视了您所十分看重的事情。一个稍微细心点的母亲都能充分掌握自己孩子的所思所想。有一些办法可以用来激发和培养孩子们学习或做这做那的愿望。只要这些办法能够与孩子们的充分自由协调起来，并且不在他们身上埋下任何恶习的种子，我都是很乐于采取的，但如果效果不好，我也不会一味地坚持那么做，因为学东西的时间总是有的，而培养孩子具有良好的禀性则是分秒必争的，因此，德·沃尔玛先生对儿童智力的早期发育颇有见地，他认为，他儿子即使到了十二岁还什么事也不懂的话，那他十五岁时受到的教育也不会少的，何况孩子将来是不是个学者，并不重要，重要的是为人要明理要善良。
“您知道我家老大已经能凑合着看书了。我来告诉您他是怎么对读书识字感兴趣的。我有计划地不时地给他讲几则拉·封丹的寓言，以使他产生兴趣，但是，我一开始讲故事时，他便问我乌鸦会不会说话。我立即便发现了，让他清楚地感觉到寓言与谎言的区别是很困难的。我得尽可能地解决这个问题。我认识到寓言是写给大人看的，而对于孩子则必须讲真实的事情，所以我决定不讲拉·封丹的故事了，我给他选了一本既有趣又富于教益的小故事集，书中的大部分故事都引自《圣经》。我发现，儿子对我讲的故事很有兴趣，我就想着再给他讲些别的有意思的故事。于是，我就尽自己的所能给他编一些有趣的故事，而且是根据当时的情况需要现编成的。我陆陆续续地把我编成的故事记在一本有图画的本子上，放起来，时不时地给他讲上几段，讲得不多，也不太长，经常地重复讲述同样的故事，并加上我的评论，然后再讲新的故事。贪玩的孩子听多了《圣经》上的故事就会厌烦，于是，我便用我编的这些小故事来替他换换口味；但是，当我看到他听得津津有味，全神贯注的时候，我有时便借口有什么事情要去吩咐一下，在节骨眼儿上离开了他，并故意把抄本留在那儿。他便立刻跑去求保姆或芳松或别的什么人替他念完。但是，由于他没有任何权利命令别人，而且我也交代过大家，所以大家也不总是有求必应的。有的则干脆一口回绝，有的则声称现在没空，有的虽答应他，但却故意念得磕磕巴巴，慢慢腾腾，还有的照我的样儿，念了一半就说有事走开了。当别人见他因为老这么求人而感到很厌烦时，便偷偷地建议他学习读书认字，以后就不必求人了，自己可以想什么时候看就什么时候看了。他对这个建议很感兴趣。这时候，就必须找些愿意教他的热心人来教他了。这对他来说是一大困难，我就鼓励他知难而上，但也适可而止，不让他觉得难而望而生畏。尽管采取了种种办法，但他还是有几次觉得厌烦了，我却不去管他，随他爱干什么干什么去。我只是尽力地把故事编得更加有趣，所以他又不得不跑回来求我教他，以至于尽管他学习认字还不到半年，却已经能够自己看那本小书了。
“我差不多就是这样在竭力地激发他的求知热情与欲望，使他孜孜不倦，持之以恒，而且这些知识也符合他的年龄，不过，尽管他学会了看书，但他的知识并不是从书本上得来的，因为书中没有他所需要的知识，而无论从哪个方面来看，读死书是不适合孩子的。我想让他早点习惯于用思想而不是用书上的词句来充实自己的头脑，因此，我是从来不让他去背书的。”
“从来不！”我打断她说，“这话可是言过其实了，因为他还得学习教理问答课本和祈祷词的。”她立刻反驳道：“这您就搞错了。关于祈祷，我每天早上和晚上，都在我的孩子们的房间里大声地祷告，他们老听我念祷告词，不用强迫他们去背，久而久之也就耳熟能详了。至于教理问答课本，他们根本就不学。”——“什么！朱丽，您的两个孩子不学教理问答课本？”——“不学，我的朋友，我的孩子就不学教理问答课本。”我十分惊讶地说：“为什么呀？您是一位如此虔诚笃信的母亲！……我一点儿也弄不懂您。您的孩子到底为什么不学教理问答课本呀？”她回答道：“为的是他们将来有一天会真正信仰宗教，我希望他们有朝一日成为真正的基督徒。”我大声说道：“啊，我明白了，您是不愿意让他们只是口头上信仰，不希望他们只知道自己属于哪一种宗教，而是希望他们真正地信奉它。您的想法很有道理：让一个人去相信他根本就不愿意相信的事是不可能的。”德·沃尔玛先生笑吟吟地对我说：“您真够难缠的。您自己会纯属偶然地成为一个基督徒吗？”我语气坚定地回答他说：“我要努力争取做一个基督徒。在宗教问题上，凡是我能够懂的，我就相信，而对于那些不懂的，我也表示尊重而不撇弃。”朱丽点头表示对我的赞同，然后，我们又接着继续谈论我们的话题。
在谈及其他的一些问题时，她的话让我想象得出，她的母爱真是无微不至，并且是具有前瞻性的。最后，她总结说，她的方法完全符合她所拟定的两个目标：既让孩子的天性得到自由的发展，又对他们的天性加以研究。她说道：“我的两个孩子在任何事情上都没人干涉他们，但他们也不会忘乎所以；他们的禀性既不会变坏，也不会受到压制：我们任由他们自由地锻炼身体和培养判断力；他们的心灵上没有觉得受到任何压迫奴役；别人的赞许目光不会让他们自以为了不起；他们既不把自己视为强有力的人，也不把自己看做被束缚着的动物，而是把自己看做是自由幸福的儿童。为了避免受到外界恶习的影响，我觉得，他们拥有一种比大人的说教更加有效的预防药，因为大人的说教他们是不愿意听的，一听就烦。这种预防药就是，他们周围的人的道德典范，因为在我们家里，他们听到的言谈话语都是真实的感情流露，我们没有必要专门为他们编一套瞎话。再就是他们亲眼目睹的那种家庭的和睦温馨，以及大家相互之间的那种始终洋溢着的彼此尊重、言行一致的气氛。
“他们还处于其天真烂漫时期，他们从未见过罪恶的事例，他们怎么会干出罪恶的事情来呢？他们从未有机会感受到贪欲，他们又怎么可能会产生贪欲呢？没有人在向他们灌输偏见，他们又怎么可能产生偏见呢？您都看到了，他们没有做过任何错事，他们身上没有任何的不良倾向。他们虽然还很无知，但却并不愚笨，他们虽有点欲望，但却并不是非要别人满足他们不可；他们往坏的方向发展的倾向早已被防止了；他们的本性是好的；所有一切都在向我证实，我们所指责的他们的那些缺点，根本不是他们本质上的缺点，而是我们给造成的。
“就这样，我们的孩子完全依照自己心中那没有被任何事物所掩盖或扭曲的倾向发展，所以他们根本没有受到那种表