Chapter 68 Epistle unanimously Julie

I've picked up and put down my pen so many times; I've hesitated as soon as I write; I don't know what tone to write; I don't know where to begin; but I want to write to Julie!well!Poor man!How did I become like this?Gone are the days when thousands of words were written and sweet emotions were like a never-drying waterfall!Gone are the sweet moments of trust and love, we don't belong to each other anymore, we're not who we used to be, so I don't know who I'm writing to anymore .Would you still like to receive my letter?Are your eyes still willing to read my letter?Do you think my letter is too cautious, too formal?Do I still dare to say the kind words of the past in the letter?Dare I write to speak of extinguished or despised love?Am I not further from you than the day I first wrote to you?Oh God!What a difference between those beautiful and charming days of the past and the sad and sad days of today!well!As soon as I began to live, I fell into the bottomless abyss; the hope of life has been stirring my heart; but now, only the shadow of death floats before me; three years have worn away the sun and moon of my happiness .well!Why don't I end my life earlier, why do I still have to live on an ignoble existence?Why hadn't I acted on my hunch, after the fleeting moments of joy had passed, that I had seen no point in continuing life?Certainly I should not have lived these three sweet years, and would rather never taste happiness than taste it and lose it.If I had crossed that fated time, if I had avoided the first glance that deformed my soul, I might have had my sanity, I might have done a man's duty, and perhaps in my I have done a few commendable good things in my ordinary life.One misstep becomes eternal hatred.My eyes ventured to gaze at what it should never have seen.That doesn't matter, the inevitable consequences ensue.As I went astray step by step, I became a madman without reason, a cowardly slave without willpower or courage, lingering in manacles and bases in baseness and despair.

A man who has gone astray has many daydreams!I know that I am dreaming, deceiving myself and others!My pain is real, what's the use of others using fake medicine to heal?Should I throw these fake medicines away?well!In the future, if anyone who understands love sees you, will he believe that I was willing to sacrifice the passion of first love in exchange for some illusory happiness?No, no, be kind, God!Let me recall the past happiness with my pain.I would rather keep the joy in memory, and let the regret tear my heart, than be alone without Julie.Come, my sweetheart, come and warm a heart that beats only for you; follow me to the distance, comfort me when I am in pain, and renew when the fire of hope in my heart is extinguished. Light it up, let it burn.This unhappy heart will always be your sacred sanctuary, from which neither fate nor anyone can take you away.If I die without happiness, I certainly do not die without the love that I deserve.This love is as ineradicable as the beauty that gave birth to it; it is founded on talent and virtue; The memory of the past has given it the power to live forever.

But you, Julie, ah, you once knew love, how did your tender heart forget the meaning of life?How did this holy fire go out in thy pure heart?How did you lose interest in the heavenly bliss that only you can feel and bring about?You drove me away cruelly, you drove me out of your house unceremoniously, and you drove me into despair, and you didn't see that you were making a big mistake in doing this, and while making me unhappy, You also ruined the happiness of your life!what!Believe me, Julie, you will not find a heart to be your friend; no doubt, hundreds of people will adore you, but I alone know how to love you.

You deceived and deceived lover, now answer me: what has become of those plans that have been painstakingly conceived in secret?Where are all the false hopes you have promised to this credulous heart of me now?Where are those sweet fantasies, those holy unions you longed for, so longed for, that you conjured me up in your letters and in your own words?Tell me, cruel-hearted person, have you been lying to me, and finally caused me more pain and humiliation?Do I deserve to be so unlucky?Didn't I follow your orders, disobedient, and careless in doing things?Did you drive me away because you saw that I meant nothing, or that I was full of passion, contrary to your noble will?I tried my best to please you, but you abandoned me!You should have made me happy, but you ruined me!Thou so ruthless, tell me how you will preserve the "thing" I entrust to you; tell me how you will infuse my heart with that sublime bliss and then take it away, How can you forgive me.Angels in the sky, I once wanted to despise your fate, and I thought I was the happiest person in the world... Alas!I have nothing, I am worthless, and everything I am is gone in an instant.From the pinnacle of bliss I fell suddenly to the abyss of eternal remorse.I'm still touching the happiness that has left me... I'm still dreaming about it, but I've lost it forever! ……what!If only I could have a glimmer of hope!If that ray of hope doesn't support my heart... Ah, Meyeri's cliffs, where my bewildered eyes have seen you a thousand times, why can't you relieve me of my troubles!When I can't feel the value of life, I won't regret life so much anymore.