Chapter 51 Letter forty-nine from Julie

You know very well, my friend, that I can only write to you secretly, and often at the risk of being caught.Since it is impossible to write a long letter to you, I have no choice but to pick up some important things in your letter to reply to you, or to add something that I have not explained to you in detail during the conversation, because some things are like writing a letter secretly I can only say a word hastily.This is the only thing I can do in the future, especially today, when I have to say a few words about Mr. Edward, and the other things you mentioned in your letter will have to be put aside for the time being.

My friend, you are afraid of losing me, and you talk to me about songs!Between lovers who don't know each other deeply, it's not bad to use this to divert trouble.You really are not jealous, I can see this very clearly, but I am not jealous either, because I know your heart well, other people may think you are cold, but I only feel that you can be trusted.What a warm and charming guarantee of security is the feeling produced by agreeing with each other!I know that it is because of this security that you can infer my heart from your own, and that it is through this security that my heart knows yours.If I see you making a fuss, I will think that your love is not so deep.

I don't know, and don't want to know, what else a gentleman Edward has to offer than the attention all men show to a woman of my age.The question was not at all what he thought, but what my father and I thought.My father and I thought of him in the same way that the other suitors thought, which you don't want to say at all.If you can rest assured that he and the other suitors are excluded, then you can just rest assured.My father and his daughter would never have consented to having Julie de Etanches as Mrs. Pomston, in spite of all the splendor of such a man of rank and position. You can be assured.

Don't be troubled that Gentleman Edward has been mentioned in this matter, I am sure you are the only one of the four of us who would interest him in me.At any rate, I was aware of my father's wishes in this matter, though he never spoke of it to me or to anyone else.Besides, even if he did tell me, I wouldn't know much.That being said, you don't have to worry, I've told you everything you need to know.Others are purely driven by curiosity for you, and you know that I will never satisfy your curiosity.It would be in vain for you to accuse me of being too hesitant to claim that this is not in our common interest.It would be fine if I had always had this attitude, and you wouldn't blame me for my reserved attitude today.If I hadn't told you what my father said, you would never have been so sad in Meyer, you wouldn't have written the letter that drove me crazy, and I would have lived my life open and still. Can yearn for happiness.You can tell by the cost of this single inadvertence that I was too scared to do it again.Because you are too impulsive, so impatient.You should restrain your passion, not cover it up.When you encounter a little bit of trouble, you will get angry, and if you explain it a little bit, you will no longer doubt anything. How can this work!Others will peek out all our secrets from your mentality, and you will destroy the success I have carefully created because of your impatience.Let me think about our love, and you just enjoy the joy of love.Although this division of labor is difficult, don't you think we can only be happy if you don't make trouble for our happiness?

well!It's too late to say this, what use will it be to me in the future?Is it time to rein in the precipice and prevent a catastrophe whose burden we already feel?what!Poor girl, you still have the face to talk about happiness!With shame and guilt entangled in my heart, can I still be happy?God!How can a person be so good that he can neither bear his sins nor change his past mistakes!What a day to live in fear, in vain hopes, without even the dreadful tranquility of despair!From now on, I will only be at the mercy of fate.It is no longer a question of courage and morality, but of fate and prudence, not of extinguishing the love that should be with my life, but of keeping it pure, or dying a sinful death.Consider my situation, my friend, and see if you can trust my enthusiasm.